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Bob Flanagan, artist, masochist
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and one of the longest living surv--
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Bob Flanagan, artist, masochist
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and one of the longest-living survivors
of Cystic Fibrosis
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lost his battle this week
with the killer disease,
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a genetic disorder
of the lungs and pancreas,
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that both plagued and empowered
the provocative performer
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throughout his difficult
but productive life.
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Born in New York City
in December 26, 1952,
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Flanagan was in and out of hospitals
most of his life.
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Doctors gave him
little chance of survival
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past the age of six or seven years,
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but survive he did,
well beyond anyone's expectations.
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The difficulties of being sick
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became subject for much of his work.
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All the articles about me
start that way,
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" Bob Flanagan should be dead by now."
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"But he isn't",
that's what they always say.
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Instead he nails his dick to a board.
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The word "supermasochist"
is going through my head,
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and I started humming this little ditty.
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Started humming
to the tune "Supercalifragilistic",
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so I wrote this song.
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I know that any Disney people here,
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they'll probably tell me
to cease and desist,
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and believe me, I will...
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but not yet.
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In my own time.
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Supermasochistic Bob has Cystic Fibrosis
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He should've died young
but he was too precocious
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How much longer
he will live is anyone's prognosis
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Supermasochistic Bob is Cystic Fibrosis
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I'm dili-dili, I'm gonna die
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I'm dili-dili, I'm gonna die
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When he was born the doctors said he had
this bad disease
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That gave him awful stomachaches
and made him cough and wheeze
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Any normal person
would've buckled from the pain
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But SuperBob got twisted now,
he's into whips and chains
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I'm dili-dili, I'm gonna die...
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You get the idea before I kill myself.
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I'm dili-dili, I'm gonna die
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40 years have come and gone
and Bob is still around
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He's tied up by his ankles
and he's hanging upside down
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A lifetime of infection
and his lungs all filled with phlegm
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The CF would've killed him
if it weren't for S & M
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Supermasochistic Bob has Cystic Fibrosis
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Supermasochistic Bob has Cystic Fibrosis
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Supermasochistic Bob has Cystic Fibrosis.
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Thank you.
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From the time
he came over from the hospital
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he was literally in pain.
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When he was 18 months old,
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they discovered that he had pus
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between the chest,
all over the lung.
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And every day for a week
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they took this baby
into the surgery room
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and they would put needles
into his chest,
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draw out the pus,
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Was he under anesthesia?
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- Local anesthesia.
- Local.
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Enough that he knew--
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because his biggest thing at the time--
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was the scream--
I remember the screaming in pain.
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There's a youngster out there
who's willing to trade
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a work of art for a salami.
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Would that young man stand up, please?
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I guess we'll need the houselights again
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and the camera pointing out
in that direction. There he is.
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There's John with the microphone.
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- What's your name, young man?
- Robert Flanagan.
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- What is it again?
- Robert Flanagan.
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Robert,
nice to have you with us tonight.
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- How old are you?
- 10.
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- 10?
- Going on 10.
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Where are you from, Robert?
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Azusa, California.
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Where do you go to school up there?
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I don't go to school right now,
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I just got out of the hospital.
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We are glad that you're out
and you look very well.
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Now, you created that yourself,
did you, Robert?
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Yes.
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Oh, it's a little television set--
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sort of in relief, isn't it?
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Raised out of the background.
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Are you interested
in becoming an artist, Robert?
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No.
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Well, you do seem to have talent.
If other things fail,
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you may be able to fall back
on that in future years.
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What are your interests,
professionally speaking?
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To be a doctor.
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I wanted to--
a couple of years ago, for a show,
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make an autobiographical version
of "The visible Man"
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that was pertinent
to my particular interests and problems.
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So I decided my visible Man,
to mirror me,
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would have green mucus
coming out of the mouth,
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and of course sperm,
'cause coming and coughing
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is about the only two things I do
on a consistent basis.
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And also shitting--
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with Cystic Fibrosis, shit--
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bad digestion has been with me
all my life,
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and bad runny bowels
is a constant thing,
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so I figure my visible Man
should shit all the time.
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The next question was,
"What should I use for the fluids? "
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So I start with the sperm,
that's the easiest thing to do,
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it just comes right out of the bottle.
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What better thing for sperm
than White Rain Hair Conditioner?
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Let's see.
Just look at it.
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That is great come.
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I don't come like this,
by the way.
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This is wishful thinking on my part.
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'Cause when I come,
it's like--
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I could masturbate for hours and hours,
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and then ejaculate, I think--
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I would have an orgasm
and nothing happens.
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But then slowly,
an hour later, that's it.
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That's the extent of my come.
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So I'm a very neat sexy person.
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Some guys are like that--
but not me.
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So the visible Man
is my wishful other self.
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This a come cup and the come pump.
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If this was a real cooking show,
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I'd have one
already prepared in the oven.
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Okay. Let's see him come.
He's gonna pee first.
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Don't we all sometimes
make a pee before we come?
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It's a constant turn-on-
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it's gonna make
some visible Woman very happy someday.
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You've got to remember
that the visible Man
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is a very sick person,
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he's coughing just like me--
he's filled with phlegm--
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Now the next step
is the most fun of all.
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It took me a year to figure out
how to do this right.
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Shit. I want him
to be able to go plop, plop,
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all day long, real slowly.
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Finally, I came up
with the idea of good old Alberto VO5
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and just went back
to the old tempera paint.
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Powdered tempera.
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Once this--
gets gooey--
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great brown-shit-looking stuff.
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That first one's always the hardest,
isn't it?
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I could watch that for hours.
It's better than a fish tank.
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This is the fish tank of the '90s.
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This is called a "portacath",
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it's under my skin.
It's always there.
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And when I have to go on antibiotics
they access it with a needle
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into this little portacath up here.
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So I have a central line
which basically goes
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into my vein right to the heart.
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When we were in 6th grade,
I used to like--
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I don't how graphic
I'm gonna get on this--
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I would be going at it in the bedroom
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and the bed would be squeaking,
by myself.
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The door would be open
and he's sleeping in the bedroom
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across the hall.
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And suddenly I'd hear,
"Tim, I know what you're doing."
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I'm gonna tell Mom.
You better stop!"
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I don't remember that at all.
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So to me he was this moral cop.
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I know, that's what's so hysterical.
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By the time we got into
early adolescence and early puberty
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it was like, no,
he was this absolute Puritan-
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the first one
that told my parents I was doing drugs;
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the first one to, you know, to sort of
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rat on me about everything
that I was doing wrong.
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I thought that
he was just extremely religious
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and spiritual and moral.
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I felt like this decadent,
horrible human being.
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Every Friday night-- since I didn't
have to go to school the next day,
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Friday was my big night.
I'd wait till everybody went to sleep,
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about 2:00,
and I'd wake up and I'd start to play.
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Started off simple.
Things like--
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I loved the feeling of being
totally naked all night long,
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waiting for the sun to come up, feeling
the cold air, come in the window.
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I'd lie naked in high school,
on the floor at 2:00 in the morning,
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and pourwhite glue over my body.
Why? I don't know.
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It was a sensation.
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And in the morning,
a lot of the glue dried,
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you had to pick it off your testicles.
That was fun.
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I'd be trussed up by 3:00 in the morning
by these plant hooks.
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I used to get off the chair
for a while and swing.
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The scary thing is I'm sitting
with these ropes in the ceiling
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and I hear my parents wake up,
walk down the hall
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to the kitchen and walk back--
what are you gonna say?
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"A burglar was in here."
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So I ruined almost every door
at my parents' house
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by tying belts to my wrists
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and suspending myself from the door
as I was lifting my feet off.
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So the hinges would just pull--
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nobody could understand
why the doors never closed.
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I used to draw blood.
I used to put pins in a belt,
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and whip myself with the belt.
This is in high school.
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I didn't realize--
I looked back,
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there was blood
all over the bathroom tiles.
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There's a knock on the door--
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"Bob, my cat just got hit by a car."
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Even then, in high school,
I had this Catholic guilt.
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I'm thinking, "See?
You do this and things go wrong.
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You do these things
and something happens.
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Put everything away,
don't ever do this again."
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And it lasted a month.
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To me he was the most normal,
the most--
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he had a weird sense of humor,
I knew that.
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But I didn't know
there was another side to him,
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that he kept very well hidden from us.
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- You had no idea?
- I had no--
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Absolutely not.
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And I'm still stunned by it,
because I sometimes
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go to bed at night thinking,
"Where was I?
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What was I doing that I did not know? "
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Because I thought I knew him.
I knew him better than anybody.
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And the strange part about it, is--
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we were probably the most
closely-knit family there could be.
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- And we didn't know--
- We always ate together,
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watched the same Tv shows together,
we were always very close.
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I started to read his book and I-
where was I?
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But he was very smart.
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And as I say, he is very disciplined.
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"Dear Mom,
I've got great news to tell you.
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Something wonderful
and exciting has happened.
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I fell in love. That's right, love.
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I'm bursting at the seams
to tell you all about her.
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First of all, her name is Rose.
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And my world certainly seems
to have blossomed since meeting her.
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She's a wonderful girl, Mom.
I mean, woman.
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I love her and so would you.
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In someways
she sort of reminds me of you.
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I almost forgot, she can even cook.
Boy, can she cook.
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What she does to a piece of meat
would make a grown man cry.
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I don't know
whether it was the clothes she wore,
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the sound of her voice,
or the look in her eye,
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but I knew right then and there,
I was hooked for life.
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I wanted to fall to my knees
and beg for her hand.
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Sounds pretty severe?
But it's all true.
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I was immediately struck by this woman
at first sight.
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00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:45,973
I guess you could say she connected
with me too-- right off the bat.
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00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:48,577
You'd hardly recognize me these days.
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I'm like an entirely different person,
thanks to Rose.
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00:14:53,582 --> 00:14:56,449
You know what they say-
'Behind every good man,
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there stands a woman
to guide and inspire him.'
241
00:15:01,590 --> 00:15:05,082
I don't know how good I am,
but with the loving hand of Rose
242
00:15:05,594 --> 00:15:08,097
to prod me along
I know I'm bound to get better.
243
00:15:08,097 --> 00:15:11,931
I know you're busy,
so I won't tie you up any longer.
244
00:15:12,101 --> 00:15:14,865
Rose is truly a remarkable woman, Mom.
245
00:15:15,104 --> 00:15:20,109
It looks like I'll be hanging
around here for a long time.
246
00:15:20,109 --> 00:15:25,240
At least for as long as she'll keep me,
anyway.
247
00:15:25,614 --> 00:15:28,617
Well, I guess I better be going now.
248
00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:31,120
It's almost dinner time.
249
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:36,490
Rose is just finishing her meal
as I write this,
250
00:15:36,625 --> 00:15:41,028
and she tells me
that she's cooked up something
251
00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:45,567
extra special and delicious just for me.
252
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:48,865
I can't hardly wait."
253
00:15:49,638 --> 00:15:52,641
For a submissive man,
he's real lucky to have found me.
254
00:15:52,641 --> 00:15:55,610
Because there are so many out there
who have--
255
00:15:55,644 --> 00:16:00,547
maybe not as highly evolved thoughts
about it as Bob did,
256
00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:03,345
but certainly
who have the same kind of yearnings.
257
00:16:03,652 --> 00:16:07,110
Right off the bat,
I showed her I had a pierce in my penis,
258
00:16:07,156 --> 00:16:09,886
and I said I wanted to be
a full-time slave to a woman,
259
00:16:10,159 --> 00:16:12,161
to do everything
she wanted and to wait on her
260
00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:15,562
and have sex in whatever way
she wanted or didn't want.
261
00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:18,064
Sheree thought that was pretty exciting.
262
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:20,465
She likes the idea--
she's always trying new things.
263
00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:22,830
I would really have to be
very disciplined with him.
264
00:16:23,172 --> 00:16:25,538
If he wasn't allowed
to sit on the furniture--
265
00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:27,642
he was only allowed to sit on the floor-
266
00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:31,680
if he sat on the furniture,
I had to stop and discipline him.
267
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,615
That got to be a chore,
and that's why I don't have dogs.
268
00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:37,516
I don't get turned on
by slamming my hand in a car door.
269
00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:40,154
I don't get turned on
by being treated badly.
270
00:16:40,189 --> 00:16:48,688
But, with the right relationship
and the right context,
271
00:16:48,697 --> 00:16:51,461
I'm turned on
by being treated in a very mean-
272
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:56,364
I'd ask Sheree to be mean to me.
That's a turn-on.
273
00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:58,207
If Sheree were mean to me,
that would be very exciting.
274
00:16:58,207 --> 00:17:02,371
A lot of the skills
in dealing with a submissive
275
00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:06,704
are motherly skills.
You have to be a very strict mother.
276
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:08,945
You can't
let them get away with anything.
277
00:17:09,218 --> 00:17:11,686
And if they break the rules
there has to be consequences.
278
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,722
All these things are consensual.
279
00:17:13,722 --> 00:17:16,816
Non-consensual pain,
non-consensual humiliation,
280
00:17:17,226 --> 00:17:22,596
non-consensual power over somebody,
281
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:26,098
that, I have no interest in.
282
00:17:27,403 --> 00:17:30,839
Of my own free will, I, Bob Flanagan,
283
00:17:30,906 --> 00:17:32,408
grant you, Sheree Rose, full ownership
284
00:17:32,408 --> 00:17:35,138
and use of my mind and body.
285
00:17:35,411 --> 00:17:39,415
I will obey you at all times
and seek your pleasure
286
00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:42,316
and well being
above all other considerations.
287
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:45,876
I renounce my own pleasure,
comfort or gratification,
288
00:17:46,422 --> 00:17:49,425
except insofar as you desire
or permit them.
289
00:17:49,425 --> 00:17:53,327
I renounce all rights to privacy
or concealment from you.
290
00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:56,421
I will answer truthfully
to the best of my knowledge
291
00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:59,435
any and all questions you may ask.
292
00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:02,871
I understand and agree
that any failure by me to comply fully
293
00:18:02,938 --> 00:18:05,805
with your desires
shall be regarded as sufficient cause
294
00:18:05,941 --> 00:18:07,670
for severe punishment.
295
00:18:07,943 --> 00:18:11,208
I otherwise unconditionally accept
as your prerogative,
296
00:18:11,447 --> 00:18:13,449
anything you may choose to do with me,
297
00:18:13,449 --> 00:18:16,543
whether as punishment
for your amusement, or whatever purpose,
298
00:18:16,952 --> 00:18:21,957
no matter how painful
or humiliating to myself.
299
00:18:21,957 --> 00:18:24,960
"March. A day of punishment,
300
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,622
for my distant
and shitty attitude on Monday.
301
00:18:27,963 --> 00:18:30,693
The pain is not as bad as promised.
302
00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:34,834
I'm relieved,
and at the same time disappointed.
303
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:38,906
The suffering ends
with a beautiful blindfolded,
304
00:18:38,974 --> 00:18:41,977
tied, spreadeagled fuck in
which I'm beaten, bit,
305
00:18:41,977 --> 00:18:44,275
choked and pinched
into a wonderful come.
306
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,972
Another fuck. We can't get out
of the house for all the fucking.
307
00:18:47,983 --> 00:18:51,987
She whips my ass
with a studded strap until blood comes.
308
00:18:51,987 --> 00:18:55,218
Wild spontaneous fuck
on the black vinyl couch
309
00:18:55,491 --> 00:18:59,188
while watching "Network" on Tv.
What a come.
310
00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:02,498
'I'm mad as hell
and I'm not going to come anymore.'
311
00:19:02,498 --> 00:19:06,366
First fuck
after a long distant and horrible week.
312
00:19:06,502 --> 00:19:08,936
It feels good
to have my dick inside her.
313
00:19:09,004 --> 00:19:12,770
I come, pleading to be her slave.
And she says, "Yes, oh, yes."
314
00:19:13,008 --> 00:19:15,511
I suck her nipple.
My tongue is in her ass.
315
00:19:15,511 --> 00:19:20,380
My cock in her cunt.
316
00:19:23,519 --> 00:19:27,819
Bondage all day.
I drink her piss from a baby bottle.
317
00:19:31,026 --> 00:19:33,460
I lick her nipple and clitoris.
318
00:19:34,029 --> 00:19:37,430
She gets hot and wet,
unlocks my penis.
319
00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:41,036
We fucked with slaps,
biting and choking.
320
00:19:41,036 --> 00:19:42,970
We fuck even though she says
321
00:19:43,038 --> 00:19:45,700
she didn't want to give me
the pleasure of fucking too much.
322
00:19:46,041 --> 00:19:49,545
And even though I was an insensitive
crazy bastard last night,
323
00:19:49,545 --> 00:19:51,911
she's on her period
and I come out all bloody.
324
00:19:52,047 --> 00:19:56,450
She gets out of the shower
to watch the space shuttle land.
325
00:19:56,552 --> 00:19:59,783
It does and we fuck on the black couch."
326
00:20:03,058 --> 00:20:06,061
"I'm in so much pain.
327
00:20:06,061 --> 00:20:09,565
All my joints are stiff.
328
00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:11,863
Excruciatingly painful.
329
00:20:15,070 --> 00:20:17,630
I don't know how long I've been here.
330
00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:21,577
I'm afraid
it hasn't been as long as I think.
331
00:20:21,577 --> 00:20:24,808
I'm shivering.
332
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:30,484
I'm lying in a cold pool of my own piss.
333
00:20:30,586 --> 00:20:36,091
I want to be released now.
334
00:20:36,091 --> 00:20:41,393
Oh, I have to wait.
335
00:20:43,098 --> 00:20:45,601
I have to wait and endure this.
336
00:20:45,601 --> 00:20:47,102
I will endure it.
337
00:20:47,102 --> 00:20:50,435
Oh God, it hurts."
338
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,673
As a very young child
339
00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:55,972
I was always considered bossy.
340
00:20:56,245 --> 00:20:58,747
I liked to boss everybody around.
341
00:20:58,747 --> 00:21:02,513
I would tell everybody else what to do.
I was very strong-willed.
342
00:21:02,751 --> 00:21:04,981
I wouldn't even let my parents
tell me what to do.
343
00:21:05,254 --> 00:21:07,222
I wanted to tell them what to do.
344
00:21:07,256 --> 00:21:10,020
I played the normal sex games.
I didn't play "slave and master."
345
00:21:10,259 --> 00:21:14,719
I remember very early
on playing games where--
346
00:21:14,763 --> 00:21:17,926
actually it was with a little girl
down the block,
347
00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:22,761
she would lay down on her bed
and take off all of her clothes
348
00:21:22,771 --> 00:21:24,773
and just lie there with her eyes closed.
349
00:21:24,773 --> 00:21:27,571
I would touch her and do things to her.
350
00:21:27,776 --> 00:21:32,076
Never reversed. I was always
the one who did that to her.
351
00:21:32,281 --> 00:21:35,784
I didn't think about that
for many years until I realized--
352
00:21:35,784 --> 00:21:38,412
that's sort of S & M.
I guess you might call it that.
353
00:21:38,787 --> 00:21:42,791
Did your sex play always stay private
354
00:21:42,791 --> 00:21:45,225
or were you ever discovered?
355
00:21:45,294 --> 00:21:47,455
I think I was discovered by my mother.
356
00:21:47,796 --> 00:21:50,799
Several times
I undressed little boys in the back yard
357
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:53,859
and stuff like that.
I got yelled at.
358
00:21:54,303 --> 00:21:57,670
I certainly didn't have
a sex positive upbringing.
359
00:21:57,806 --> 00:21:59,808
- No?
- No, not at all.
360
00:21:59,808 --> 00:22:03,073
Very sex negative.
Very strange actually.
361
00:22:03,312 --> 00:22:07,146
My family life was very dysfunctional.
362
00:22:07,316 --> 00:22:10,319
I have more mental cruelty with him.
363
00:22:10,319 --> 00:22:13,220
- Don't side with him.
- Why?
364
00:22:13,322 --> 00:22:16,621
I'm disappointed in my marriage.
I stuck it out.
365
00:22:16,825 --> 00:22:20,158
I made a home for him.
He doesn't deserve a lot of things.
366
00:22:20,329 --> 00:22:23,560
He is a selfish man.
His sister told me when I married him.
367
00:22:23,832 --> 00:22:27,336
She said,
"He's a very peculiar, eccentric man."
368
00:22:27,336 --> 00:22:30,339
And you're not peculiar and eccentric?
369
00:22:30,339 --> 00:22:32,773
No, I'm not.
I'm a loudmouth, not eccentric.
370
00:22:33,342 --> 00:22:37,574
Where is the dish?
371
00:22:44,853 --> 00:22:47,879
- How do you feel?
- Don't you come near me.
372
00:22:48,357 --> 00:22:53,260
- What you did is unforgivable.
- Strong like an ox.
373
00:22:53,362 --> 00:22:55,364
She's stubborn,
that's what keeps her going.
374
00:22:55,364 --> 00:22:57,423
How would you like it
if I'd broken your legs?
375
00:22:57,866 --> 00:22:59,857
I didn't break your leg.
You didn't fall.
376
00:22:59,868 --> 00:23:02,871
- I just barely touched you.
- That's a lie.
377
00:23:02,871 --> 00:23:05,396
My parents weren't alcoholic
or drug addicts.
378
00:23:05,874 --> 00:23:08,434
I never had those kind of experiences,
379
00:23:09,878 --> 00:23:12,039
but as far as emotional dysfunction
380
00:23:12,381 --> 00:23:14,883
it was highly emotionally dysfunctional.
381
00:23:14,883 --> 00:23:17,215
- In what sort of way?
- My parents didn't love each other.
382
00:23:17,386 --> 00:23:21,288
My mother probably hated my father,
very early on.
383
00:23:21,390 --> 00:23:24,393
She treats me like a slave in here.
She orders me around.
384
00:23:24,393 --> 00:23:26,486
You treat me worse.
385
00:23:26,895 --> 00:23:30,331
- That must be Jenny.
- It's Jennifer.
386
00:23:30,399 --> 00:23:32,401
You don't give me a chance
to be nice to you.
387
00:23:32,401 --> 00:23:35,768
The day I got married to you
you were not nice.
388
00:23:35,904 --> 00:23:39,806
Why did you stay married to her
all these years?
389
00:23:39,908 --> 00:23:41,842
Why didn't you get up and leave?
390
00:23:41,910 --> 00:23:45,641
My father was very aloof.
Sort of like the "shadow father."
391
00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:49,350
I don't have
a lot of early memories of him.
392
00:23:49,418 --> 00:23:51,352
Certainly
he was not affectionate with me.
393
00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:53,911
He was not telling me I was the
most wonderful little girl in the world.
394
00:23:53,922 --> 00:23:56,447
I never heard that
at all from my family.
395
00:23:56,925 --> 00:24:00,326
I always felt sort of left out.
396
00:24:00,429 --> 00:24:02,363
My family was very-
397
00:24:02,431 --> 00:24:04,433
they didn't know
how to show any love or affection.
398
00:24:04,433 --> 00:24:06,367
At least at me, they didn't.
399
00:24:06,435 --> 00:24:08,767
I thought
there must be something wrong with me,
400
00:24:08,937 --> 00:24:11,701
because they wouldn't
or couldn't show me love.
401
00:24:20,048 --> 00:24:21,675
Look at that face.
402
00:24:22,050 --> 00:24:25,554
I fell in love with that face
the first time I saw him.
403
00:24:25,554 --> 00:24:28,022
He made me an offer
that I never have had before.
404
00:24:29,057 --> 00:24:30,991
He wanted to be my slave.
405
00:24:31,059 --> 00:24:33,789
He wanted
to give his whole body to me completely.
406
00:24:34,062 --> 00:24:36,792
I never had an offer like that before.
407
00:24:37,065 --> 00:24:40,068
I thought,
"Well, it's not that much of a body
408
00:24:40,068 --> 00:24:42,662
but I'll do the best I can with it."
409
00:24:43,071 --> 00:24:45,574
And I've done a lot over the years,
we both have.
410
00:24:45,574 --> 00:24:47,576
When I first met him he was so skinny,
411
00:24:47,576 --> 00:24:50,010
his face was just like, just all bones.
412
00:24:50,078 --> 00:24:51,978
Back when my father first met him,
he said,
413
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,378
" Sheree, he looks like he's dead."
414
00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:57,711
I said, "I know, Dad,
that's what makes him so appealing."
415
00:24:58,086 --> 00:25:01,590
I've seen lot of movies
where the women slapped the men.
416
00:25:01,590 --> 00:25:05,594
I always thought that was neat.
I never slapped anybody before,
417
00:25:05,594 --> 00:25:09,690
just seen it in movies,
but with Bob, that's what we got into.
418
00:25:10,098 --> 00:25:12,601
So it was sort of fun
to start to slap him.
419
00:25:12,601 --> 00:25:16,401
Didn't want to go by the eye,
didn't want to go too low,
420
00:25:16,605 --> 00:25:20,166
just right here,
in the nice fatty part of the cheek.
421
00:25:22,611 --> 00:25:25,478
Even before I met Bob
I had seen a Japanese movie
422
00:25:25,614 --> 00:25:28,082
called "The Realm of the Senses."
423
00:25:28,116 --> 00:25:31,415
In that movie this woman
gets very turned on with this guy.
424
00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:34,987
They fuck all the time in the movie.
425
00:25:35,123 --> 00:25:37,626
One of the things they do
is she chokes him--
426
00:25:37,626 --> 00:25:40,857
she gets on top of him
and she chokes him with this cord.
427
00:25:41,129 --> 00:25:43,427
I always wanted
to do that to somebody,
428
00:25:43,632 --> 00:25:45,930
never had an opportunity to do that--
429
00:25:46,134 --> 00:25:47,624
but then again, here came Bob.
430
00:25:47,636 --> 00:25:51,640
He'd seen the movie,
we went home that night,
431
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,337
got out the old bathrobe cord,
and we discovered...
432
00:25:57,646 --> 00:26:00,148
that wasn't fake in the movie at all.
433
00:26:00,148 --> 00:26:02,378
Very, very hot thing to do.
434
00:26:02,651 --> 00:26:05,654
Now they call it
things like "breath control"
435
00:26:05,654 --> 00:26:07,144
and stuff like that.
436
00:26:07,155 --> 00:26:11,091
When we were doing it,
it was just good old strangulation.
437
00:26:11,159 --> 00:26:14,185
And the erection that would cause
was amazing,
438
00:26:14,663 --> 00:26:16,096
just unbelievable.
439
00:26:16,164 --> 00:26:19,031
And his orgasms--
even though he didn't come very much,
440
00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:22,671
which was fine with me--
he had incredible orgasms.
441
00:26:22,671 --> 00:26:26,402
To get the idea
of just how far you could go--
442
00:26:28,677 --> 00:26:30,679
not to kill them.
443
00:26:30,679 --> 00:26:34,672
I never wanted to kill him.
That was never my intention.
444
00:26:35,183 --> 00:26:38,084
Bob was always
a wonderful person to experiment with.
445
00:26:38,186 --> 00:26:41,087
He just likes
having all these things done to him.
446
00:26:42,691 --> 00:26:47,424
I learned that piercing is not something
that you just do randomly.
447
00:26:47,696 --> 00:26:50,198
You have to put some thought into it.
448
00:26:50,198 --> 00:26:54,134
You have
to have a little care about sterility.
449
00:26:54,202 --> 00:26:56,864
This is what we call "play piercing"
450
00:26:57,205 --> 00:26:59,969
which means
it's not gonna be a permanent piercing.
451
00:27:00,208 --> 00:27:04,713
I'm gonna pierce right through the skin
underneath the dick.
452
00:27:04,713 --> 00:27:07,215
If he's ready,
I'll see if he has a reaction
453
00:27:07,215 --> 00:27:09,149
when it goes through.
454
00:27:09,718 --> 00:27:12,186
One, two, three...
455
00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:16,725
Oh, yes.
He had a reaction to that.
456
00:27:16,725 --> 00:27:20,957
Yes.
457
00:27:21,229 --> 00:27:24,528
One of the presents
that Bob gave me was this knife.
458
00:27:24,733 --> 00:27:28,169
I really liked it.
459
00:27:28,236 --> 00:27:30,739
The idea of using a knife like this
460
00:27:30,739 --> 00:27:33,037
is not to kill a person
or maim a person.
461
00:27:33,241 --> 00:27:37,371
But the idea
is to scare them a little bit.
462
00:27:37,746 --> 00:27:40,408
Sort of give them a little scare,
463
00:27:45,253 --> 00:27:48,780
and also
to create certain body sensations.
464
00:27:52,260 --> 00:27:54,262
Take this off a little bit faster.
465
00:27:54,262 --> 00:27:58,289
Hurts a lot more if you do that.
466
00:27:58,767 --> 00:28:01,759
Bob is always accusing me
of being too too nice.
467
00:28:01,770 --> 00:28:03,772
I'm too nice to him, he says.
I should be meaner.
468
00:28:03,772 --> 00:28:06,240
I'm not a very mean person, actually.
469
00:28:06,274 --> 00:28:09,038
I just like to do this stuff
to people's bodies.
470
00:28:09,277 --> 00:28:13,179
If they like to have it done to them,
I love to do it to them.
471
00:28:14,783 --> 00:28:18,275
Actually, masochists
are really cool people. Definitely.
472
00:28:18,286 --> 00:28:21,881
My favorite people are masochists.
473
00:28:22,290 --> 00:28:26,090
One more.
474
00:28:28,296 --> 00:28:30,560
It's so beautiful.
475
00:28:30,799 --> 00:28:34,291
What's nice is these marks
will last maybe a day or so.
476
00:28:34,302 --> 00:28:36,532
They may even hurt a little bit.
477
00:28:36,805 --> 00:28:38,807
And every time he thinks about them
478
00:28:38,807 --> 00:28:41,241
he'll remember--
he'll look at bruises that I gave him.
479
00:28:41,810 --> 00:28:44,813
We'll talk about that
and get very hot and all excited.
480
00:28:44,813 --> 00:28:47,907
There's a lot of memory
involved with S & M.
481
00:28:48,316 --> 00:28:50,318
That's a good one.
482
00:28:50,318 --> 00:28:53,754
Not quite so good.
483
00:29:06,301 --> 00:29:08,303
This is a ball.
484
00:29:08,303 --> 00:29:10,533
Let's see if he can take it.
I don't know if he can or not.
485
00:29:10,806 --> 00:29:12,706
He has to help me a little bit.
486
00:29:12,807 --> 00:29:15,776
He has to loosen up
those sphincter muscles.
487
00:29:15,811 --> 00:29:20,111
Bob?
I don't know if he can or not.
488
00:29:20,315 --> 00:29:22,545
We'll see.
489
00:29:36,832 --> 00:29:38,390
Oh, I don't know.
490
00:29:39,835 --> 00:29:45,000
This may not go in.
May have to cut the tape right here.
491
00:29:46,341 --> 00:29:49,139
I'm moving the table.
492
00:29:51,346 --> 00:29:54,247
Success.
493
00:29:59,855 --> 00:30:03,757
Hopefully he'll remember some of this.
I know I certainly will.
494
00:30:03,859 --> 00:30:06,487
One thing about Bob,
you can't ever forget
495
00:30:06,862 --> 00:30:09,262
having someone like this in your life.
That's for sure.
496
00:30:24,479 --> 00:30:27,073
SAMs--
"Smart-Ass Masochists."
497
00:30:27,482 --> 00:30:30,986
Those are masochists
who can take anything--
498
00:30:30,986 --> 00:30:33,648
can take anything they tell you to do.
499
00:30:40,996 --> 00:30:46,491
Anything I tell you to do
500
00:30:47,502 --> 00:30:52,303
I'll do it just for you
501
00:30:55,510 --> 00:31:01,312
Tie my balls to ared-hotpoker
502
00:31:01,516 --> 00:31:03,984
I'll do it--
503
00:31:04,019 --> 00:31:07,011
Don't tie it too tight
because my balls are kind of funny--
504
00:31:07,022 --> 00:31:09,889
one ball sucks up that way,
and the other one--
505
00:31:10,025 --> 00:31:12,084
and I talk kind of funny, but...
506
00:31:12,527 --> 00:31:15,985
Anything you want me to do
507
00:31:16,031 --> 00:31:20,535
I'll do it just for you.
508
00:31:23,038 --> 00:31:25,040
Even with him too?
509
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:29,170
Put heavy clamps on my nipples...
510
00:31:29,544 --> 00:31:33,446
But take them off,
because if you take them off real slow--
511
00:31:33,548 --> 00:31:36,745
Take them off, no, no, wait, wait.
512
00:31:37,052 --> 00:31:40,055
Oh, okay, anything, yeah--
513
00:31:40,055 --> 00:31:43,889
Anything you want me to do
514
00:31:44,059 --> 00:31:48,826
I'll do it just for you
515
00:31:49,064 --> 00:31:53,398
Oh please, punish me when I'm bad
516
00:31:53,568 --> 00:31:57,072
Hit me harder, hit me harder
because I was really bad...
517
00:31:57,072 --> 00:32:01,600
Oh, hit me real hard,
oh, not that hard!
518
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:11,747
Anything, anything for you.
519
00:32:15,590 --> 00:32:18,286
very early on in our relationship
I would give him assignments
520
00:32:19,594 --> 00:32:23,598
and he would have to do
particular writing things for me,
521
00:32:23,598 --> 00:32:24,929
not for anybody else.
522
00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:27,830
I was ordered to write that script.
I didn't want to do it.
523
00:32:28,103 --> 00:32:29,604
I hated video.
524
00:32:29,604 --> 00:32:32,869
The most famous one
is every time that we had sex,
525
00:32:33,108 --> 00:32:35,736
not necessarily S & M,
but actual intercourse,
526
00:32:36,111 --> 00:32:38,613
I would tell him,
"You have to write about it."
527
00:32:38,613 --> 00:32:40,774
That was for a year.
That journal was kept.
528
00:32:41,116 --> 00:32:43,618
After three hours of writing
I asked for permission
529
00:32:43,618 --> 00:32:47,076
to come back to bed where we slapped
and licked each others' assholes.
530
00:32:47,122 --> 00:32:48,783
And I get spanked and bleed a little
531
00:32:49,124 --> 00:32:50,716
and we fucked, boy,
we did fuck.
532
00:32:50,992 --> 00:32:54,496
Every time Bob would get into
some kind of position--
533
00:32:54,496 --> 00:32:56,862
I would have him in the closet,
in the bed or wherever--
534
00:32:56,998 --> 00:33:00,297
I ran for my camera
and started photographing it.
535
00:33:00,502 --> 00:33:04,495
Again it was my urge
to document what was going on.
536
00:33:04,506 --> 00:33:08,272
He had told me a fantasy
he had of being hit
537
00:33:08,510 --> 00:33:12,013
with a lot of different implements
and photographing that.
538
00:33:12,013 --> 00:33:16,814
So we set up this whole elaborate set-up
with camera and bulb release.
539
00:33:17,018 --> 00:33:20,181
We had a backdrop
and I had him in bondage.
540
00:33:20,522 --> 00:33:25,050
Sometimes I had the bulb in one hand
and the whip in the other.
541
00:33:25,527 --> 00:33:27,529
Sometimes Bob had the bulb
542
00:33:27,529 --> 00:33:32,193
and each time he got hit
that's when we snapped it.
543
00:33:39,541 --> 00:33:41,702
Overall I think
we did 15 different implements--
544
00:33:42,043 --> 00:33:44,409
36 shots each.
545
00:33:48,550 --> 00:33:51,280
I find that I don't have
that power over him anymore.
546
00:33:51,553 --> 00:33:55,056
He is now sort of coming to his own
as a visual artist.
547
00:33:55,056 --> 00:33:58,355
My influence over him in that way
548
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,564
is not nearly as much as it was
in the early beginning stages of it.
549
00:34:02,564 --> 00:34:06,898
Don't you collaborate
in his performances?
550
00:34:07,068 --> 00:34:10,799
We totally collaborate.
It's a real interesting process.
551
00:34:14,576 --> 00:34:17,238
- All right Bob, enough?
- Keep going.
552
00:34:17,579 --> 00:34:19,513
Don't make it phony, just do it.
553
00:34:21,583 --> 00:34:24,051
Up higher. Tighter.
554
00:34:24,085 --> 00:34:26,918
Head up a little bit.
555
00:34:27,088 --> 00:34:30,785
Don't do it anymore.
Oh, stop.
556
00:34:37,599 --> 00:34:41,000
Okay, a smooth zoom out.
557
00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:42,604
- Not yet?
- Not yet.
558
00:34:42,604 --> 00:34:44,435
Sheree, I want a lot of time in here.
559
00:34:44,606 --> 00:34:47,541
- Not yet?
- Not yet.
560
00:34:47,609 --> 00:34:49,873
and a little up... and bind.
561
00:34:50,111 --> 00:34:51,613
- How's it look?
- Looks good.
562
00:34:51,613 --> 00:34:55,515
I'll punch you in the stomach now.
563
00:34:56,117 --> 00:34:58,881
Wait, stop, stop.
You can't just keep doing that.
564
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,384
Who the hell do you think you are?
565
00:35:02,624 --> 00:35:05,491
- Amazing.
- Shut that off.
566
00:35:05,627 --> 00:35:07,629
- What off?
- You got plenty for your thing.
567
00:35:07,629 --> 00:35:11,588
That's it. I said stop, stop.
You just hit the nipple.
568
00:35:12,133 --> 00:35:16,126
You hit it four times in a row
when you say you're not gonna do it.
569
00:35:18,139 --> 00:35:20,664
Ready for a cupcake?
570
00:35:23,144 --> 00:35:25,908
In the video scaffold
we shot hours of footage
571
00:35:26,147 --> 00:35:28,650
of each part of Bob's body,
and assembled the footage
572
00:35:28,650 --> 00:35:32,518
into continuous loops that played over
the seven hanging monitors.
573
00:35:32,654 --> 00:35:35,657
Bob added various audio clips from film,
574
00:35:35,657 --> 00:35:39,093
television and commercial video
gathered over the years.
575
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,890
"...this long disease, my life,
576
00:35:42,163 --> 00:35:45,166
well, it's coming to an end."
577
00:35:45,166 --> 00:35:47,225
"You make me puke."
578
00:35:47,669 --> 00:35:52,038
"I'm going to be sick."
579
00:35:52,173 --> 00:35:54,676
"That's true actually.
She does throw up a lot."
580
00:35:54,676 --> 00:35:57,474
"What's the matter with you?
Aren't you feeling well? "
581
00:35:57,679 --> 00:36:01,182
"No, I feel fine.
Well, I mean, for me I feel fine."
582
00:36:01,182 --> 00:36:03,412
"That's not what
you'd really call feeling fine."
583
00:36:03,685 --> 00:36:05,653
"There's not
a single thing wrong with me."
584
00:36:05,687 --> 00:36:08,121
"I'll tell you something.
I'm well. Absolutely well.
585
00:36:08,189 --> 00:36:10,487
I'm young and strong
and nothing can touch me."
586
00:36:10,692 --> 00:36:13,525
He always felt that if he had a choice
587
00:36:13,695 --> 00:36:15,629
between a mistress and an art career
588
00:36:15,697 --> 00:36:17,699
he would have given up the art career
for the mistress
589
00:36:17,699 --> 00:36:21,157
if she would've wanted that.
But he said he felt lucky
590
00:36:21,703 --> 00:36:24,205
that he found someone
who was interested in his art career.
591
00:36:24,205 --> 00:36:27,265
But he said if I wasn't,
if I didn't want him to,
592
00:36:27,709 --> 00:36:30,211
he would've been glad
to spend the whole life
593
00:36:30,211 --> 00:36:32,873
in my dungeon, underneath my house,
594
00:36:33,214 --> 00:36:35,216
in the basement with the dead cats.
595
00:36:35,216 --> 00:36:39,414
It would have been shaved head,
shaved body,
596
00:36:39,721 --> 00:36:42,223
living underneath the cellar,
coming out at night
597
00:36:42,223 --> 00:36:45,215
and cleaning everything.
He would've been thrilled.
598
00:36:45,727 --> 00:36:48,229
"It was her house
I fell in love with first,
599
00:36:48,229 --> 00:36:52,666
from the dungeon-like darkness
of its basement to the grungy bathroom,
600
00:36:52,734 --> 00:36:55,236
the kitchen,
with its mile-high dishes,
601
00:36:55,236 --> 00:36:58,330
and to top it off,
two spoiled brats for me to wait on,
602
00:36:58,740 --> 00:37:01,174
chauffeur and pick up after.
603
00:37:01,242 --> 00:37:05,702
The perfect wicked stepchildren
in my Cinderella fantasy come true.
604
00:37:05,747 --> 00:37:08,750
Poor Cinderella,
how I pitied and envied her
605
00:37:08,750 --> 00:37:10,718
and wished that I could be her.
606
00:37:10,752 --> 00:37:13,949
Before the ball,
and before the fairy godmother
607
00:37:14,255 --> 00:37:16,519
who ruined everything
with her hocus-pocus
608
00:37:16,758 --> 00:37:18,726
and 'happily ever after.'
609
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,955
This is what makes me happy :
610
00:37:21,262 --> 00:37:25,255
Fantastik, Snuggle, Cheer, Joy, Pledge,
611
00:37:25,266 --> 00:37:28,633
and all the other
janitorial aphrodisiacs--
612
00:37:28,770 --> 00:37:31,637
keep up-- that not only clean and shine,
613
00:37:31,773 --> 00:37:34,173
but also declare my eternal servitude
614
00:37:34,275 --> 00:37:36,277
and dedication to the one I love.
615
00:37:36,277 --> 00:37:39,781
But as in all fairy tales,
midnight comes,
616
00:37:39,781 --> 00:37:43,410
hard-ons go flaccid
and everything gets dirty again.
617
00:37:43,785 --> 00:37:47,152
And this time she says,
'I think I'd rather have a maid.'"
618
00:39:03,631 --> 00:39:06,156
Hi, I'm Derivative.
619
00:39:06,634 --> 00:39:08,636
Come to see my work?
620
00:39:08,636 --> 00:39:10,627
I've got
this medical paraphernalia here,
621
00:39:10,638 --> 00:39:13,129
which I've made into little objects.
622
00:39:13,641 --> 00:39:17,145
Butt-plug stool--
some people say it's like Nayland Blake.
623
00:39:17,145 --> 00:39:20,546
No, it's mine, Mr. Derivative.
I made it.
624
00:39:20,648 --> 00:39:23,446
Here you have scaffolded video
representing my face
625
00:39:23,651 --> 00:39:26,552
in six monitors.
Some people say Nam June Paik
626
00:39:26,654 --> 00:39:29,657
some people say Bruce Nauman,
no, I made it-- Derivative.
627
00:39:29,657 --> 00:39:31,625
I like to lie in bed, as long as I can,
628
00:39:31,659 --> 00:39:33,456
let people in the gallery
come and see me.
629
00:39:33,661 --> 00:39:35,959
Nothing like the Chris Burden
on the shelf thing,
630
00:39:36,164 --> 00:39:40,668
it's a Derivative extravaganza.
I invented it. I made it.
631
00:39:40,668 --> 00:39:43,262
People come to the museum and say,
"Hey, there is a Derivative."
632
00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:20,400
And I want to begin by
asking Bob Flanagan, "How do you feel? "
633
00:40:20,775 --> 00:40:25,144
- A logical hospital question?
- A logical hospital question.
634
00:40:25,279 --> 00:40:27,247
As an art question, I'm exhausted,
635
00:40:27,281 --> 00:40:29,784
medically
I'm doing pretty well right now.
636
00:40:29,784 --> 00:40:31,752
- For how long--?
- Two months.
637
00:40:32,286 --> 00:40:35,790
- Two months? Oh, la.
- I go home at night.
638
00:40:35,790 --> 00:40:39,453
Your are here as an art object,
are you not?
639
00:40:39,794 --> 00:40:41,591
Right.
That's-- yeah.
640
00:40:41,796 --> 00:40:47,301
I'll tell you one thing.
641
00:40:47,301 --> 00:40:50,429
I don't like this.
642
00:40:50,805 --> 00:40:53,035
The impression he gets from your work
643
00:40:53,307 --> 00:40:55,810
is that you're trying to subvert--
to turn around--
644
00:40:55,810 --> 00:40:58,574
Exactly.
Because it does reverse that,
645
00:40:58,813 --> 00:41:02,010
especially with religions
like the Catholic religion say,
646
00:41:02,316 --> 00:41:04,318
"Don't touch your body,
don't think about your body,
647
00:41:04,318 --> 00:41:05,945
think of the body of Christ."
648
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,084
Do you find, Bob Flanagan,
that your genitalia
649
00:41:09,323 --> 00:41:11,655
has acquired sort of a calloused feeling
650
00:41:11,826 --> 00:41:14,829
and your level of pain experience
has grown higher
651
00:41:14,829 --> 00:41:17,229
over the years with this kind of work?
652
00:41:17,331 --> 00:41:19,663
No, that's sort of a myth, I think.
653
00:41:19,834 --> 00:41:23,337
What happens
is it becomes more sensitized
654
00:41:23,337 --> 00:41:26,135
but it doesn't require
more and more intensity
655
00:41:26,340 --> 00:41:28,342
to keep it sensitized,
it becomes actually
656
00:41:28,342 --> 00:41:30,469
much more sensitive to its environment.
657
00:41:30,845 --> 00:41:35,612
Certainly, Christ is the very first
or the most famous masochist.
658
00:41:35,850 --> 00:41:38,352
Do you feel like you're a guinea pig?
659
00:41:38,352 --> 00:41:40,877
Oh, no,
because I'm in control of the situation.
660
00:41:41,355 --> 00:41:44,358
I invented this,
so I'm more the mad scientist
661
00:41:44,358 --> 00:41:46,053
than the guinea pig.
662
00:42:41,349 --> 00:42:44,284
With all my heart and soul,
all I ever wanted
663
00:42:44,352 --> 00:42:47,014
was to be strung up,
spanked, splayed, saddled,
664
00:42:47,355 --> 00:42:50,858
stuck, strangled,
split open, spreadeagled, shit on,
665
00:42:50,858 --> 00:42:53,361
spat at, sewn up, shoved, shackled,
666
00:42:53,361 --> 00:42:56,853
shaved, shocked, sucked,
sapped, soaked, screwed,
667
00:42:57,365 --> 00:42:59,367
stripped, scratched,
suffocated, sacrificed,
668
00:42:59,367 --> 00:43:01,869
strait-jacketed, squelched, stifled,
669
00:43:01,869 --> 00:43:04,929
scorched, straddled,
stoned, smothered, smashed,
670
00:43:05,373 --> 00:43:08,876
screamed at, shouted at,
snapped in two, sawed in half,
671
00:43:08,876 --> 00:43:12,312
stamped on, sat on,
sodomized, stuffed, starved,
672
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:15,247
strapped, stretched,
submerged,surrounded, slugged,
673
00:43:15,383 --> 00:43:18,819
socked, scarred,
skewered, slaughtered, stung,
674
00:43:18,886 --> 00:43:21,980
struck, slapped,
slammed, sutured, swept up,
675
00:43:22,390 --> 00:43:28,795
saturated, savaged,
seduced, stroked and spent.
676
00:43:28,896 --> 00:43:31,660
People don't think of the masochist
as being a strong person.
677
00:43:31,899 --> 00:43:34,800
The stereotype
that the masochist is sniveling and weak
678
00:43:34,902 --> 00:43:36,404
is actually not true.
679
00:43:36,404 --> 00:43:40,841
The masochist has to know
his or her own body perfectly well
680
00:43:40,908 --> 00:43:43,706
and be in full control of their body,
681
00:43:43,911 --> 00:43:46,880
in order to give control
to somebody else
682
00:43:46,914 --> 00:43:50,042
or to give control to pain.
683
00:43:50,418 --> 00:43:53,148
So the masochist
is actually a very strong person.
684
00:43:53,421 --> 00:43:58,085
I think some of that strength is
what I use to combat the illness.
685
00:44:10,938 --> 00:44:12,667
Me too?
686
00:44:32,460 --> 00:44:34,462
Wait, stick your head out.
687
00:44:34,462 --> 00:44:37,158
Bob, stick your head out.
688
00:44:40,468 --> 00:44:43,198
Now's your chance, Bob.
689
00:44:43,471 --> 00:44:45,905
What? Oh, Bob.
690
00:44:49,477 --> 00:44:53,413
Kill me...
691
00:44:53,481 --> 00:45:01,149
kill me, kill me, please...
692
00:45:01,489 --> 00:45:06,426
kill... kill me.
693
00:45:10,998 --> 00:45:13,501
Kill me.
694
00:45:13,501 --> 00:45:16,368
I read this quote
about how biographers are vampires.
695
00:45:16,504 --> 00:45:20,702
In a sense,
I'm one of your biographers.
696
00:45:21,008 --> 00:45:24,239
- What is your--?
- I don't think of it that way.
697
00:45:24,512 --> 00:45:30,849
This is more of a collaboration.
I feel that way.
698
00:45:31,018 --> 00:45:34,522
But I don't get that sense at all.
699
00:45:34,522 --> 00:45:38,356
If for some reason, the film
700
00:45:38,526 --> 00:45:42,758
isn't finished until after you die,
701
00:45:43,030 --> 00:45:45,032
- Sheree's still involved.
- Right.
702
00:45:45,032 --> 00:45:47,091
- It's still a collaboration but--
- Sure.
703
00:45:47,535 --> 00:45:50,834
Maybe more of a vulture than a vampire.
704
00:45:52,540 --> 00:45:56,704
That's more like it.
Just waiting for me to kick off.
705
00:45:57,044 --> 00:46:00,047
Yeah, you're a vulture.
I see you circling around.
706
00:46:00,047 --> 00:46:02,106
What do you think about that?
707
00:46:02,550 --> 00:46:08,011
It's funny, it doesn't bother me.
We've talked about it beforehand.
708
00:46:08,055 --> 00:46:10,717
It's no different
from what I'm already doing myself.
709
00:46:33,013 --> 00:46:34,674
Would you look at me?
710
00:46:37,518 --> 00:46:40,214
You have a few things to say.
711
00:46:40,521 --> 00:46:43,524
- What are you talking about?
- It's your birthday.
712
00:46:43,524 --> 00:46:46,721
You have to have some comments,
or something you want to say
713
00:46:47,027 --> 00:46:49,530
on the occasion of your 42nd birthday.
714
00:46:49,530 --> 00:46:52,499
It stinks, it's fucked.
715
00:46:52,533 --> 00:46:58,631
- You're not happy to be in NY?
- I'm not happy to be alive.
716
00:46:59,039 --> 00:47:01,803
- Why aren't you happy to be alive?
- Because that is what l feel.
717
00:47:02,042 --> 00:47:06,547
Why are you depressed?
We are here in New York. You're alive.
718
00:47:06,547 --> 00:47:08,174
One has nothing to do with the other.
719
00:47:08,549 --> 00:47:11,040
- You're the hit of New York.
- Momentary.
720
00:47:11,051 --> 00:47:13,781
So what?
Momentary is better than nothing.
721
00:47:14,054 --> 00:47:19,424
I like you to talk about yourself
for four minutes.
722
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,960
I don't have anything to say.
I told you.
723
00:47:22,062 --> 00:47:25,498
How are you?
What do you feel for the future?
724
00:47:25,566 --> 00:47:28,569
- I don't have a future.
- What do you mean you don't have--
725
00:47:28,569 --> 00:47:32,869
- will you be alive tomorrow?
- I don't know
726
00:47:33,073 --> 00:47:34,973
I feel lousy.
727
00:47:35,075 --> 00:47:38,078
Do you feel like you're dying?
Is that the problem?
728
00:47:38,078 --> 00:47:39,773
What do you think?
729
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,378
You think now is the time
you're gonna die?
730
00:47:42,583 --> 00:47:45,085
- I have no idea.
- The next week?
731
00:47:45,085 --> 00:47:47,576
- You know what would make me happy?
- What?
732
00:47:48,088 --> 00:47:49,590
If I can give you 42 spanks--
733
00:47:49,590 --> 00:47:51,683
I know, that's fine.
What I'm feeling like--
734
00:47:52,092 --> 00:47:53,855
It's your birthday,
that's why I wanna do it.
735
00:47:54,094 --> 00:47:57,598
- Hours of my birthday mean nothing.
- Just little hand spanks.
736
00:47:57,598 --> 00:48:00,601
It doesn't mean--
when I feel like it, yes--
737
00:48:00,601 --> 00:48:03,934
When I feel up to it, yeah.
I don't feel up to it this second.
738
00:48:04,104 --> 00:48:07,904
I'll be happy--
the offer stands.
739
00:48:08,108 --> 00:48:10,975
Any time you feel
you want to celebrate your birthday
740
00:48:11,111 --> 00:48:15,070
by me giving you 42 of anything,
I 'd be more than happy to do it.
741
00:48:15,115 --> 00:48:17,709
- All right?
- Fine.
742
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,451
Boy.
743
00:48:43,644 --> 00:48:45,339
Thank you so much for everything.
744
00:48:45,646 --> 00:48:48,148
Yes, yes.
May God bless you and make you do well.
745
00:48:48,148 --> 00:48:49,342
I'm working on it.
746
00:48:49,650 --> 00:48:52,152
- I want to say a prayer right now.
- All right.
747
00:48:52,152 --> 00:48:55,144
- Thank you very much.
- Close your eyes and bow your head.
748
00:48:55,656 --> 00:49:00,059
In the name of Jesus I thank You
for this day that we have made.
749
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:03,664
And Bob is not so well, Lord,
so I put him in Your hands.
750
00:49:03,664 --> 00:49:07,930
I'm asking You to touch him, Lord,
from the crown of his head
751
00:49:08,168 --> 00:49:12,571
to the sole of his feet.
And You do what pleases You, Lord,
752
00:49:12,673 --> 00:49:16,176
- in the name of Jesus. Amen.
-Thank you, it does help.
753
00:49:16,176 --> 00:49:20,203
Praise God.
I believe God is able. He is able.
754
00:49:20,681 --> 00:49:24,184
Ask Him to help you.
Cry out to Him.
755
00:49:24,184 --> 00:49:26,687
- He is able to help you.
- Okay.
756
00:49:26,687 --> 00:49:29,349
- People like you help too.
- Yes.
757
00:49:29,690 --> 00:49:32,192
Hopefully we'll see you again.
We'll come back to see you soon.
758
00:49:32,192 --> 00:49:36,754
- We'll talk to you, Dorothy.
- Okay, Bob, take care and get rest.
759
00:49:37,197 --> 00:49:42,134
I don't know many maids in hotel rooms
760
00:49:42,202 --> 00:49:47,504
who sort of take that kind of care.
761
00:49:47,708 --> 00:49:50,142
Unfortunately, I think she is praying
762
00:49:50,210 --> 00:49:53,213
to somebody who doesn't exist,
other than that...
763
00:49:53,213 --> 00:49:56,341
No, there's energy there.
764
00:50:02,723 --> 00:50:04,714
Enough already, enough.
765
00:50:10,264 --> 00:50:13,165
So, I'm in the hospital-- again.
766
00:50:13,267 --> 00:50:17,033
Called Sheree a couple of times.
767
00:50:17,271 --> 00:50:19,239
She's bored.
768
00:50:19,273 --> 00:50:21,741
She's depressed because I'm sick.
769
00:50:21,775 --> 00:50:25,176
Talking about all the losses
in her life...
770
00:50:27,281 --> 00:50:29,841
I guess,
'cause she thinks she's losing me.
771
00:50:31,285 --> 00:50:33,287
I don't know--
I keep coming in the hospital
772
00:50:33,287 --> 00:50:35,789
and everybody says I look okay,
everybody says I sound great,
773
00:50:35,789 --> 00:50:38,189
and I come into the hospital
and I feel like shit,
774
00:50:38,292 --> 00:50:40,624
and I think I'm dying.
Then I come into the hospital
775
00:50:40,794 --> 00:50:43,388
and I feel okay and I wonder
what I'm doing in the hospital.
776
00:50:43,797 --> 00:50:46,231
Then I go out of the hospital
and I feel like shit.
777
00:50:47,801 --> 00:50:49,598
On and on and on.
778
00:50:50,804 --> 00:50:52,772
"Dear, Mr. Flanagan,
779
00:50:52,806 --> 00:50:55,297
I'm a wish-granter
for the Make-A-Wish Foundation
780
00:50:55,809 --> 00:50:57,709
of Ontario, Canada.
781
00:50:57,811 --> 00:50:59,813
I am presently
in the process of granting awish
782
00:50:59,813 --> 00:51:01,815
for 17-year-old Sara.
783
00:51:01,815 --> 00:51:04,443
Sara has CF with serious lung disease.
784
00:51:04,818 --> 00:51:06,820
Her prognosis is not very good.
785
00:51:06,820 --> 00:51:09,550
The hospital where she is being treated
has referred her
786
00:51:09,823 --> 00:51:11,723
to our foundation for a wish.
787
00:51:11,825 --> 00:51:14,293
When I contacted Sara about a wish,
788
00:51:14,328 --> 00:51:16,330
she knew immediately what she wanted--
789
00:51:16,330 --> 00:51:19,663
it is something she has always wanted--
it is to meet you."
790
00:51:19,833 --> 00:51:21,664
The book, "Supermasochist," kind of--
791
00:51:21,835 --> 00:51:23,837
that's the only thing I had of him--
792
00:51:23,837 --> 00:51:25,805
was almost like my Bible.
793
00:51:26,340 --> 00:51:28,342
I couldn't go through a page
without crying.
794
00:51:28,342 --> 00:51:31,140
And everybody thought
that was completely warped--
795
00:51:31,345 --> 00:51:34,610
looking at some guy with
all these pierces through his penis,
796
00:51:34,848 --> 00:51:36,350
and I start crying,
797
00:51:36,350 --> 00:51:38,147
- "Oh God, I can't believe it!"
- She did.
798
00:51:38,352 --> 00:51:41,753
Everyone was like, "What do you see
when you look at this man?
799
00:51:41,855 --> 00:51:44,358
What do you see?"
I carried it with me everywhere.
800
00:51:44,358 --> 00:51:47,156
Then I got really sick in--
what was it, July?
801
00:51:47,361 --> 00:51:49,192
- The end of April.
- The end of April.
802
00:51:49,363 --> 00:51:51,991
- Then I went in the hospital.
- She was on 100% oxygen,
803
00:51:52,366 --> 00:51:54,368
and wasn't getting enough oxygen.
804
00:51:54,368 --> 00:51:56,666
Her lips were blue.
Her hands and feet were blue.
805
00:51:56,870 --> 00:51:59,771
She really was... very, very sick.
806
00:51:59,873 --> 00:52:03,104
And I thought I was gonna die,
and I kept telling everybody.
807
00:52:03,377 --> 00:52:04,878
And they were saying, "No, no, no,"
808
00:52:04,878 --> 00:52:06,880
'cause no one had told them
that I was dying.
809
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:09,075
And I have a social worker
through the clinic,
810
00:52:09,383 --> 00:52:11,885
so I was talking to her a lot,
and told her all about Bob,
811
00:52:11,885 --> 00:52:13,512
and how I'd really like to meet him.
812
00:52:13,887 --> 00:52:15,889
Not thinking anything--
I just said it.
813
00:52:15,889 --> 00:52:17,720
And then when I was in the hospital,
814
00:52:17,891 --> 00:52:19,620
she approached me and she said,
815
00:52:19,893 --> 00:52:21,690
"If you still
really want to meet this guy,
816
00:52:21,895 --> 00:52:23,692
we can go through The Wish Foundation."
817
00:52:23,897 --> 00:52:26,400
I was dreading it.
I was telling everybody--
818
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:28,231
"And we're going to LA.
819
00:52:28,402 --> 00:52:30,233
We're going to see this man who has CF.
820
00:52:30,404 --> 00:52:33,237
And I'm so worried about Sara,
because if she sees him, then--"
821
00:52:33,407 --> 00:52:37,002
And I guess I worried
that she might be disappointed.
822
00:53:05,439 --> 00:53:08,931
What is your involvement
with their kind of sexuality?
823
00:53:08,942 --> 00:53:11,672
That's a really tough question.
824
00:53:11,945 --> 00:53:15,278
I don't know,
because like I said before...
825
00:53:16,450 --> 00:53:20,181
bondage is, to me, that's--
I don't know what you'd call it,
826
00:53:20,454 --> 00:53:23,389
but I can relate to that.
827
00:53:23,457 --> 00:53:26,153
I guess-- it's the same thing,
I think, with Bob--
828
00:53:26,460 --> 00:53:28,962
being able
to control your body for a change,
829
00:53:28,962 --> 00:53:31,988
and being able to control something.
830
00:53:32,466 --> 00:53:33,967
But it wasn't the S & M that...
831
00:53:33,967 --> 00:53:36,367
- It certainly was part of it.
- ...attracted her.
832
00:53:36,470 --> 00:53:39,633
Because it does interest me.
833
00:53:39,973 --> 00:53:41,668
And I'll go out of the house
834
00:53:41,975 --> 00:53:43,977
with collars wrapped
around my neck and stuff,
835
00:53:43,977 --> 00:53:45,979
but not to the extreme.
836
00:53:45,979 --> 00:53:48,174
But it certainly attracted me,
because, you know,
837
00:53:48,482 --> 00:53:51,212
you don't hear about people
with diseases being like that.
838
00:53:51,485 --> 00:53:53,487
You always think of them
being sick and feeble
839
00:53:53,487 --> 00:53:55,216
and they don't really do anything.
840
00:53:55,489 --> 00:53:57,491
I keep telling everybody,
and everyone will say,
841
00:53:57,491 --> 00:53:59,584
"Oh, I can see--
you're going to outlive us all. "
842
00:53:59,993 --> 00:54:01,858
And I keep saying, "No, I'm not."
843
00:54:01,995 --> 00:54:04,998
I'm like, "Once I'm 25,
I'm not going to be around."
844
00:54:04,998 --> 00:54:07,228
And I believed that
and I almost wanted it,
845
00:54:07,501 --> 00:54:09,503
'cause what can you do after 25?
846
00:54:09,503 --> 00:54:11,164
I mean, that's a long time!
847
00:54:11,505 --> 00:54:13,837
To me, I couldn't think that far.
848
00:54:14,007 --> 00:54:16,771
But now, especially seeing
849
00:54:17,010 --> 00:54:19,012
everything
that Bob and Sheree have done,
850
00:54:19,012 --> 00:54:22,413
now I'm looking more towards--
I want to go into journalism.
851
00:54:22,516 --> 00:54:25,246
And I want to write--
852
00:54:25,519 --> 00:54:29,022
not just about CF,
but I want definitely to get more known.
853
00:54:29,022 --> 00:54:31,650
Death's never bothered me, really.
854
00:54:32,025 --> 00:54:35,791
There will be days
I'm always thinking about it.
855
00:54:36,029 --> 00:54:39,032
And then I can go on and on
and never think about it.
856
00:54:39,032 --> 00:54:42,729
But despite what everybody says,
I know it's gonna kill me.
857
00:54:43,036 --> 00:54:45,038
Everyone says,
"Well, you could die in a car accident."
858
00:54:45,038 --> 00:54:47,097
Yeah, but you don't think
about that every day.
859
00:54:47,541 --> 00:54:50,043
This is my life.
This will kill me eventually.
860
00:54:50,043 --> 00:54:52,534
And I know that.
A lot of people think it's morbid,
861
00:54:52,546 --> 00:54:54,377
but I deal with it.
It's no big deal to me.
862
00:54:54,548 --> 00:54:57,642
It doesn't depress me.
That's what I'm here for.
863
00:54:58,051 --> 00:55:01,953
I'm here,
I live to show people what's going on,
864
00:55:02,055 --> 00:55:05,513
and then showing them
that my life is about death.
865
00:55:05,559 --> 00:55:08,061
And, I guess, to reverse it,
866
00:55:08,061 --> 00:55:10,427
my death will be about life as well,
867
00:55:10,564 --> 00:55:12,896
because of how I'm dying.
868
00:55:14,367 --> 00:55:17,097
Pretty self-assured for 17.
869
00:55:19,373 --> 00:55:23,366
Not awkward or self-conscious--
just a lovely child.
870
00:55:23,877 --> 00:55:25,868
Definitely.
871
00:55:25,879 --> 00:55:29,781
I'm a little disappointed
that she's so nice, you know?
872
00:55:29,883 --> 00:55:33,148
No, no. Just kidding!
873
00:55:33,387 --> 00:55:35,889
She dressed particularly for me--
874
00:55:35,889 --> 00:55:37,891
the collar and the boots.
875
00:55:37,891 --> 00:55:40,018
Cut that.
876
00:55:40,394 --> 00:55:41,895
She bought me a riding crop.
877
00:55:41,895 --> 00:55:43,385
That's what I'm saying.
878
00:55:43,897 --> 00:55:45,899
He's making it out
like I think this is something--
879
00:55:45,899 --> 00:55:47,696
I'm not saying you think anything.
880
00:55:47,901 --> 00:55:49,766
I'm saying don't think about it.
881
00:55:49,903 --> 00:55:53,304
I don't think
that she wants to do anything sexual
882
00:55:53,407 --> 00:55:55,671
behind the riding crop.
She knows I'm into that.
883
00:55:55,909 --> 00:55:57,411
I think if she has these fantasies,
884
00:55:57,411 --> 00:55:59,208
it might be fun
to fulfill her fantasies.
885
00:55:59,413 --> 00:56:02,143
You're saying--
when you say, Sheree--
886
00:56:02,416 --> 00:56:05,214
"If she has these fantasies--"
that's an assumption.
887
00:56:05,419 --> 00:56:07,887
- I started with "if."
- Yeah, that's an assum-
888
00:56:07,921 --> 00:56:10,423
I'm not saying
I know she has these fantasies.
889
00:56:10,423 --> 00:56:14,553
I'm saying if she does,
it would be nice to fulfill them.
890
00:56:14,928 --> 00:56:16,725
I don't know--
891
00:56:16,930 --> 00:56:18,761
I wasn't thinking about intercourse.
892
00:56:18,932 --> 00:56:21,935
I was thinking about a little bondage,
a little spanking.
893
00:56:21,935 --> 00:56:24,426
I'm projecting that if I was dying
894
00:56:24,438 --> 00:56:27,305
and there was somebody
that I wanted to meet,
895
00:56:27,441 --> 00:56:32,708
and there he was, or she was, whatever,
896
00:56:32,946 --> 00:56:35,244
I would want to explore
as much as I could.
897
00:56:35,449 --> 00:56:37,451
All she wanted to do really was meet me,
898
00:56:37,451 --> 00:56:40,477
and say to her friends,
"Look, I got to meet Bob Flanagan."
899
00:56:43,957 --> 00:56:45,891
Fuckin' "Make a Wish."
900
00:56:45,959 --> 00:56:47,586
Fuck.
901
00:56:47,961 --> 00:56:50,896
Sick fuckin' pussy over here,
God damn it!
902
00:56:53,467 --> 00:56:56,800
Stop coughin'. Fuckin'--
I'm sicker than you are.
903
00:56:56,970 --> 00:56:58,528
Get over here!
904
00:57:00,474 --> 00:57:03,170
You look real good, Sara.
905
00:57:03,477 --> 00:57:06,139
You'd make the little man really happy.
906
00:57:10,484 --> 00:57:12,475
May, shut up!
907
00:57:12,486 --> 00:57:14,852
Start tellin' your mother
to shut the fuck up
908
00:57:14,988 --> 00:57:17,013
or I'll ram this fuckin' bottle up her--
909
00:57:29,002 --> 00:57:31,527
Stop crying.
I told you to stop crying, damn it.
910
00:57:35,008 --> 00:57:37,510
You don't cough down there, do ya?
911
00:57:40,514 --> 00:57:42,175
I love you, Sara.
912
00:57:44,518 --> 00:57:46,850
I'm a supermasochist, Sara,
913
00:57:47,020 --> 00:57:49,523
and I want to see if we can
make you a supermasochist, too--
914
00:57:49,523 --> 00:57:52,321
make you Mrs. Supermasochist.
How about that?
915
00:57:54,528 --> 00:57:57,030
Sheree, God damn it,
put the nipple clips on her!
916
00:58:00,033 --> 00:58:02,536
That was me acting out Sheree's fantasy
917
00:58:02,536 --> 00:58:07,200
of our visit with her--
the sexy Toronto girl.
918
00:58:13,547 --> 00:58:16,049
- Oh, God, Bobby.
- Pat on my back.
919
00:58:16,049 --> 00:58:18,244
Oh, man.
920
00:59:19,112 --> 00:59:21,012
How are you doing?
921
00:59:21,615 --> 00:59:24,117
Did we only give him love
when he was in pain?
922
00:59:24,117 --> 00:59:25,914
- No.
- I don't know.
923
00:59:28,121 --> 00:59:31,522
But then, it was his life--
924
00:59:31,625 --> 00:59:33,923
maybe he saw it that way.
925
00:59:34,127 --> 00:59:37,619
But he was in pain so much at the time,
of course,
926
00:59:37,631 --> 00:59:39,496
maybe that is the way he would see it.
927
00:59:42,135 --> 00:59:44,865
I told him when I read the book, I said,
928
00:59:45,138 --> 00:59:47,834
"You could have killed yourself
with the things you did."
929
00:59:48,141 --> 00:59:50,143
And all these years
we've tried to keep you alive,
930
00:59:50,143 --> 00:59:51,872
and you could have killed yourself.
931
00:59:52,145 --> 00:59:54,409
That's the part that amazes me.
932
00:59:54,648 --> 00:59:58,084
But I see, underneath it all, I see...
933
00:59:59,152 --> 01:00:00,847
a young man, who's...
934
01:00:03,156 --> 01:00:06,353
who hates his body for what it did--
935
01:00:06,660 --> 01:00:08,992
I agree with you on one thing--
he's fighting back.
936
01:00:09,162 --> 01:00:11,426
But I see him
fighting back in a different way.
937
01:00:11,664 --> 01:00:14,656
A trapeze--
a man on the trapeze--
938
01:00:14,668 --> 01:00:17,671
he does this twisting and turning
939
01:00:17,671 --> 01:00:19,536
and he does a tumblesault on the trapeze
940
01:00:19,673 --> 01:00:22,141
and he lands just perfect on his feet.
941
01:00:22,175 --> 01:00:26,134
And when I see him turning,
I get excited.
942
01:00:26,179 --> 01:00:28,909
And I really can feel--
I get scared.
943
01:00:29,182 --> 01:00:30,911
I get that fear that he's gonna fall--
944
01:00:31,184 --> 01:00:35,120
Saying, with which,
when he sticks the needles in himself,
945
01:00:35,188 --> 01:00:36,690
I feel the pain.
946
01:00:36,690 --> 01:00:38,521
Then he lands on his feet and I'm proud
947
01:00:38,692 --> 01:00:40,922
because
all of a sudden everybody's applauding,
948
01:00:41,194 --> 01:00:44,129
and, I think, because of what he's done.
949
01:00:44,197 --> 01:00:45,699
And I think he's doing this
950
01:00:45,699 --> 01:00:47,929
to say to God,
or whoever there is out there,
951
01:00:48,201 --> 01:00:50,203
"You son of a bitch,
what you've done to me--
952
01:00:50,203 --> 01:00:52,034
Iet me show you. I'll do my tumblesault
953
01:00:52,205 --> 01:00:53,866
and I'm coming back at you.
954
01:00:54,207 --> 01:00:57,574
This is my way of telling you
to go fuck yourself."
955
01:01:13,727 --> 01:01:16,229
I have to apologize--
my body is kind of thin
956
01:01:16,229 --> 01:01:17,856
and there isn't much to work with.
957
01:01:18,231 --> 01:01:20,131
That's one of Rose's biggest complaints.
958
01:01:20,233 --> 01:01:22,599
I should work out more,
lift weights or something.
959
01:01:22,736 --> 01:01:24,670
I'm certainly no Arnold Schwarzenegger.
960
01:01:24,738 --> 01:01:26,239
But can Arnold do this?
961
01:01:29,242 --> 01:01:32,211
C'mon, Mr. Terminator Man, I doubt...
962
01:01:36,750 --> 01:01:38,945
This is my body.
963
01:01:39,252 --> 01:01:43,757
And I learned to say,
"Well, I'm not gonna get another one.
964
01:01:43,757 --> 01:01:46,988
So I'm gonna use this one
until it's all used up."
965
01:01:48,261 --> 01:01:51,492
One of the things I'm gonna try and do
is a posthumous piece
966
01:01:51,765 --> 01:01:55,166
where I want to be buried
with a videocamera just like this,
967
01:01:55,268 --> 01:01:57,031
encased in a tomb or something.
968
01:01:57,270 --> 01:01:58,772
And someplace in the museum,
969
01:01:58,772 --> 01:02:02,230
or one of my crazy collectors
that I'm gathering--
970
01:02:02,275 --> 01:02:04,709
this is a good way
to make money beforehand, you say,
971
01:02:04,778 --> 01:02:07,338
"lf you'll pay me
a certain amount of money now, you can
972
01:02:07,781 --> 01:02:10,215
have the pleasure
of having a monitor in your house..."
973
01:02:14,287 --> 01:02:16,721
"...and the piece is called 'The Viewing.'"
974
01:02:20,293 --> 01:02:22,693
I'll have to spend money
to have a satellite, I guess--
975
01:02:22,796 --> 01:02:25,287
connection to the video monitor.
976
01:02:25,798 --> 01:02:28,301
And every now and then,
whoever wants to walk in this room-
977
01:02:28,301 --> 01:02:30,792
turn on a switch--
they can see how I'm progressing...
978
01:02:32,806 --> 01:02:34,774
...or decomposing.
979
01:02:52,826 --> 01:02:55,294
Will you say on video that when you die,
980
01:02:55,328 --> 01:02:57,853
what happens to all your stuff?
981
01:02:58,331 --> 01:02:59,833
It all goes to Sheree.
982
01:02:59,833 --> 01:03:02,063
All my stuff goes to Sheree
when I'm dead.
983
01:03:03,836 --> 01:03:06,168
- Everything?
- Everything.
984
01:03:06,339 --> 01:03:09,672
- All your writing?
- All my writing, everything.
985
01:03:09,843 --> 01:03:11,811
- All the art?
- All my art.
986
01:03:11,845 --> 01:03:15,076
- Your clothes?
- All my t-shirts.
987
01:03:15,348 --> 01:03:16,850
How about for your mother?
988
01:03:16,850 --> 01:03:18,647
You want to be able
to give her something.
989
01:03:18,852 --> 01:03:20,820
- I 'll give her my stuff.
- Like what?
990
01:03:20,854 --> 01:03:23,721
Like what, for example?
991
01:03:26,359 --> 01:03:28,725
No! No, no, no.
She doesn't get the whips.
992
01:03:28,862 --> 01:03:31,490
- Sex books.
- No-- I get all the books, too?
993
01:03:31,865 --> 01:03:34,367
- Sheree gets...
- Just say it.
994
01:03:34,367 --> 01:03:36,733
-Yes.
- Say "Sheree..."
995
01:03:36,870 --> 01:03:38,371
Sheree gets the books.
996
01:03:38,371 --> 01:03:40,430
I wonder
if this would hold up in a court of law.
997
01:03:40,874 --> 01:03:42,375
It doesn't have to.
998
01:03:42,375 --> 01:03:45,572
Am I coercing you in any way?
999
01:03:45,879 --> 01:03:48,211
I don't know-- I'm tied up.
You got me by the balls.
1000
01:04:00,193 --> 01:04:02,195
No, over. This way.
1001
01:04:02,195 --> 01:04:06,154
This whole row--
this is the 14-inch row.
1002
01:04:12,205 --> 01:04:14,571
I can just pull this down to here,
can't I?
1003
01:04:14,707 --> 01:04:17,471
No, just make yourself comfortable.
1004
01:04:17,710 --> 01:04:19,712
You don't have to take it off.
1005
01:04:19,712 --> 01:04:21,714
§ Do, do, do, do, do... §
1006
01:04:21,714 --> 01:04:23,909
I'm shier than you are.
1007
01:04:26,219 --> 01:04:28,721
Bare-chested and tassled.
1008
01:04:28,721 --> 01:04:31,315
I made a wish and look what happened.
1009
01:04:31,724 --> 01:04:34,227
That would be very funny.
1010
01:04:34,227 --> 01:04:35,785
How I spent my wish--
1011
01:04:36,229 --> 01:04:38,231
This is my Make-A-Wish documentation.
1012
01:04:38,231 --> 01:04:40,199
You're 18, aren't you? #NAME?
1013
01:04:47,740 --> 01:04:51,073
Count of three-- one, two, three.
1014
01:04:53,746 --> 01:04:56,249
Look at that.
1015
01:04:56,249 --> 01:04:58,114
Oh, that's nice.
1016
01:05:01,754 --> 01:05:04,348
The right one's gonna hurt more though,
for some reason.
1017
01:05:04,757 --> 01:05:06,657
Really?
1018
01:05:06,759 --> 01:05:08,761
I've always noticed
some people have different--
1019
01:05:08,761 --> 01:05:10,490
Really?
1020
01:05:12,265 --> 01:05:14,790
Oh, I didn't--
if this comes out it'll be great.
1021
01:05:18,271 --> 01:05:22,139
Happiness in slavery
1022
01:05:22,275 --> 01:05:26,279
Happiness in slavery
1023
01:05:26,279 --> 01:05:30,045
Happiness in slavery
1024
01:05:30,283 --> 01:05:33,377
Happiness...
1025
01:06:20,833 --> 01:06:23,563
When it first started to come out,
I was appalled.
1026
01:06:23,836 --> 01:06:28,569
Because, even though I was gay,
and I had my own secret life,
1027
01:06:28,841 --> 01:06:31,844
S & M, to me, was always
something I just did not comprehend...
1028
01:06:31,844 --> 01:06:34,472
...at all-like most people.
1029
01:06:34,847 --> 01:06:36,849
I just didn't get it.
1030
01:06:36,849 --> 01:06:42,219
And again, it was sort of--
I had this secret sexual life
1031
01:06:42,355 --> 01:06:45,858
that was all my own--
it was sort of what set me apart
1032
01:06:45,858 --> 01:06:48,918
from the Orange County family.
1033
01:06:49,362 --> 01:06:51,728
And you usurped it.
1034
01:06:53,366 --> 01:06:55,129
You had a much more interesting
1035
01:06:55,368 --> 01:06:58,098
and decadent secret life
that I could ever hope to have.
1036
01:06:58,371 --> 01:07:02,875
I was very normal in my--
I didn't even buttfuck.
1037
01:07:02,875 --> 01:07:05,742
I wasn't even a good homosexual.
1038
01:07:10,883 --> 01:07:12,874
So I just felt always
a little inadequate.
1039
01:07:28,334 --> 01:07:30,461
I called her Ivy.
1040
01:07:32,338 --> 01:07:34,704
Not 'cause her name was Ivy--
1041
01:07:34,841 --> 01:07:36,342
'cause she was on Iv.
1042
01:07:41,848 --> 01:07:44,942
She was my medicine.
1043
01:07:49,355 --> 01:07:51,357
She was a farmer--
1044
01:07:51,357 --> 01:07:53,757
well, pharmaceutical.
1045
01:08:02,368 --> 01:08:04,666
How are you doing?
Exhausted?
1046
01:08:11,878 --> 01:08:14,380
May your postural drainage be productive
1047
01:08:14,380 --> 01:08:17,611
And may your cough always be clear
1048
01:08:17,884 --> 01:08:22,150
And may yours
not always come out your nose
1049
01:08:22,388 --> 01:08:24,390
And not come out your ear...
1050
01:08:27,393 --> 01:08:30,851
And may your mucus always be thin
1051
01:08:30,897 --> 01:08:33,161
And may you always cough it up
1052
01:08:33,399 --> 01:08:35,902
And if you don't have a paper towel
1053
01:08:35,902 --> 01:08:38,370
Get yourself a paper cup
1054
01:08:40,406 --> 01:08:44,342
May you take your Pulmo Aide
1055
01:08:44,410 --> 01:08:46,913
And put it in your cabin
1056
01:08:46,913 --> 01:08:49,507
And put your medicines in there
every night
1057
01:08:49,916 --> 01:08:52,384
So you won' tbe slackin'
on your coughin'
1058
01:08:52,418 --> 01:08:55,922
And may you stay
1059
01:08:55,922 --> 01:09:01,155
Forever lung
1060
01:09:01,427 --> 01:09:04,225
Forever lung
1061
01:09:04,430 --> 01:09:08,799
Forever lung
1062
01:09:08,935 --> 01:09:16,933
And may you stay forever lung.
1063
01:09:58,484 --> 01:10:00,475
"And just now I had an accident.
1064
01:10:01,988 --> 01:10:04,718
I nailed the head of my cock to a board
1065
01:10:04,991 --> 01:10:07,289
the way I saw in a magazine
the other day.
1066
01:10:07,493 --> 01:10:10,758
I got so excited by it
that I had to try it.
1067
01:10:10,997 --> 01:10:12,999
While trying to drive the nail in..."
1068
01:10:12,999 --> 01:10:15,399
I'm gonna stand up for this.
1069
01:10:15,501 --> 01:10:19,301
"While trying to drive the nail
in a little further,
1070
01:10:19,505 --> 01:10:22,406
I missed...
1071
01:10:22,508 --> 01:10:27,002
and just, I thought,
tapped the tip of my poor cock.
1072
01:10:27,013 --> 01:10:29,004
It didn't hurt.
1073
01:10:29,015 --> 01:10:31,950
The nail was handling it--
1074
01:10:32,018 --> 01:10:34,418
it didn't hurt--
the nail was handling that job.
1075
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:37,421
But, shit,
it started swelling up immediately.
1076
01:10:37,523 --> 01:10:40,424
I thought it would never stop
and imagined it bursting.
1077
01:10:42,528 --> 01:10:47,033
And seeing that being the end of me
and sex the way I know it.
1078
01:10:47,033 --> 01:10:49,627
I pulled the nail out
as quick as I could,
1079
01:10:50,036 --> 01:10:52,538
using alcohol swabs
to stop the bleeding.
1080
01:10:52,538 --> 01:10:55,632
The penis bleeds an enormous amount.
1081
01:10:56,042 --> 01:10:57,942
Just one little pinprick
1082
01:10:58,044 --> 01:11:00,512
and it looks like
a murder had taken place.
1083
01:11:00,546 --> 01:11:02,548
Imagine what a nail hole was like.
1084
01:11:02,548 --> 01:11:06,109
So now there's a big,
black knot on the end of my dick.
1085
01:11:06,552 --> 01:11:09,043
All I can do is hope it goes away.
1086
01:11:09,055 --> 01:11:12,058
I'm amazingly calm.
1087
01:11:12,058 --> 01:11:14,288
I've had accidents before.
1088
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:16,619
And they always
seem to turn out all right.
1089
01:11:20,066 --> 01:11:23,467
After extracting the nail,
and stopping the blood,
1090
01:11:23,569 --> 01:11:25,571
and putting ice on the throbbing knot,
1091
01:11:25,571 --> 01:11:28,301
I tied myself up on my stomach,
1092
01:11:28,574 --> 01:11:31,566
wrists attached to my ankles--
1093
01:11:31,577 --> 01:11:33,738
don't ask how, it's too complicated--
1094
01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:36,480
I got excited and jacked off.
1095
01:11:36,582 --> 01:11:39,085
When I looked down, shit,
the whole towel and mattress
1096
01:11:39,085 --> 01:11:40,746
were soaked with blood.
1097
01:11:41,087 --> 01:11:43,851
I stayed calm, though,
1098
01:11:44,090 --> 01:11:45,591
and methodically cleaned everything up
1099
01:11:45,591 --> 01:11:47,081
just like Tony Perkins."
1100
01:12:00,940 --> 01:12:05,934
Well, we built this house
with a hammer of love
1101
01:12:05,945 --> 01:12:11,247
And the doors are mighty wide
1102
01:12:11,450 --> 01:12:16,387
We hammered and we hammered
and we built it up
1103
01:12:16,455 --> 01:12:21,324
And my brothers came inside
1104
01:12:21,460 --> 01:12:25,965
I built this life with a hammer of love
1105
01:12:25,965 --> 01:12:31,267
And it's here for all to see
1106
01:12:31,470 --> 01:12:35,975
I hammered and I hammered
and I built it up
1107
01:12:35,975 --> 01:12:41,174
And the Lord watches over me
1108
01:12:41,480 --> 01:12:45,985
We built this land
with a hammer of love
1109
01:12:45,985 --> 01:12:51,184
But there's still so much to do
1110
01:12:51,490 --> 01:12:56,359
We hammered and we hammered
and we built it up
1111
01:12:56,495 --> 01:13:00,056
Why don't you hammer, too?
1112
01:13:02,001 --> 01:13:06,301
I hammered and I hammered
and I built it up
1113
01:13:06,505 --> 01:13:13,809
And now it's up to you.
1114
01:14:25,918 --> 01:14:29,012
- This is quicksand I'm on.
- Why?
1115
01:14:29,421 --> 01:14:31,753
Because there is no reason
1116
01:14:31,924 --> 01:14:33,789
for a conversation like this to happen.
1117
01:14:33,926 --> 01:14:35,928
To talk about a person's ideas
1118
01:14:35,928 --> 01:14:38,863
and end up
with the same ending every time--
1119
01:14:38,931 --> 01:14:40,762
maybe we should split up.
1120
01:14:40,933 --> 01:14:43,333
I've heard you enough.
1121
01:14:43,435 --> 01:14:45,938
Now, listen, I'm hurt by that.
1122
01:14:45,938 --> 01:14:48,600
And I'm constantly hurt
by that when you're stoned.
1123
01:14:48,941 --> 01:14:50,841
I'm hurt that you won't submit to me.
1124
01:14:50,943 --> 01:14:53,434
- I'm very hurt that you won't--
- That wasn't the issue.
1125
01:14:53,445 --> 01:14:55,174
I can barely breathe half the time--
1126
01:14:55,447 --> 01:14:58,382
That's all I wanted and you won't do it.
1127
01:14:58,450 --> 01:15:00,953
Look at how you've changed.
This is not about submission.
1128
01:15:00,953 --> 01:15:03,148
I've been thinking
about that for a long time.
1129
01:15:03,455 --> 01:15:05,457
When you're not stoned,
let's talk about it.
1130
01:15:05,457 --> 01:15:07,015
But that's another issue.
1131
01:15:07,459 --> 01:15:10,462
I told you
it's been in my mind for a while now.
1132
01:15:10,462 --> 01:15:13,898
- About the fact that we don't--
- It's been on both our minds.
1133
01:15:13,966 --> 01:15:17,060
So it wasn't just this evening--
1134
01:15:17,469 --> 01:15:19,972
- No, but you brought it up now.
- It just reminded me of it.
1135
01:15:19,972 --> 01:15:22,975
We've discussed it before.
It's been on both our minds.
1136
01:15:22,975 --> 01:15:24,806
How do we get this back
in a relationship
1137
01:15:24,977 --> 01:15:26,740
where one of the parties
can barely breathe?
1138
01:15:26,979 --> 01:15:29,982
And I have lots to think about.
I'm dying.
1139
01:15:29,982 --> 01:15:31,540
Where is that coming from?
1140
01:15:31,984 --> 01:15:34,179
If you still love me,
you'd submit to me.
1141
01:15:39,491 --> 01:15:41,652
- What is the matter with you?
- Well...
1142
01:15:42,995 --> 01:15:45,054
But I'm saying
I'd like to have that prerogative.
1143
01:15:45,497 --> 01:15:47,294
You gave it to me 15 years ago.
1144
01:15:50,002 --> 01:15:51,731
So what's the problem now?
1145
01:15:52,004 --> 01:15:53,505
'Cause you're not submissive to me now.
1146
01:15:53,505 --> 01:15:55,700
I'm not submissive to anybody.
I love you.
1147
01:15:56,008 --> 01:15:58,135
But I think I need you
to be submissive to me.
1148
01:15:58,510 --> 01:15:59,909
Why?
1149
01:16:00,012 --> 01:16:02,139
Psychologically,
I really, really need it.
1150
01:16:18,530 --> 01:16:21,226
So, why did you decide
to go into a hospital today?
1151
01:16:45,057 --> 01:16:48,356
He was really scared today.
1152
01:16:52,064 --> 01:16:54,828
It's really hard to imagine him
actually being dead.
1153
01:16:55,067 --> 01:17:00,266
Because his dying is so excruciating.
1154
01:17:02,074 --> 01:17:04,702
I almost want to say-
1155
01:17:05,077 --> 01:17:07,910
I don't even think
he's a masochist anymore.
1156
01:17:08,080 --> 01:17:13,916
I think
life has beaten him down too much.
1157
01:17:14,086 --> 01:17:17,589
The pain he lives with every day
is so intense that there isn't
1158
01:17:17,589 --> 01:17:22,822
any other kind of pain
that he can even think about right now.
1159
01:17:24,096 --> 01:17:26,155
So--
1160
01:17:36,608 --> 01:17:38,838
Bob, can you hear me?
1161
01:17:39,111 --> 01:17:43,514
Bob? Bob?
1162
01:17:43,615 --> 01:17:46,618
Can you hear me?
1163
01:17:46,618 --> 01:17:50,520
Do you hear me, baby?
Can you hear me?
1164
01:17:50,622 --> 01:17:52,920
Can you wake up a little bit?
1165
01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:56,128
Bob, can you wake up, honey?
1166
01:17:56,128 --> 01:17:59,359
Bob, can you wake up?
1167
01:17:59,631 --> 01:18:02,395
Can you wake up, honey?
1168
01:18:04,136 --> 01:18:07,299
Can you see me?
Can you see me, honey?
1169
01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:10,642
Bob, can you hear me?
1170
01:18:10,642 --> 01:18:13,509
If you're waiting
for someone to tell you, it's okay.
1171
01:18:13,645 --> 01:18:15,647
I think it's okay.
1172
01:18:15,647 --> 01:18:17,808
Okay?
1173
01:18:21,153 --> 01:18:23,155
If it's time for you, it's okay.
1174
01:18:23,155 --> 01:18:25,282
Sleep, my dear baby.
1175
01:18:46,178 --> 01:18:48,680
Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
1176
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:51,148
You're looking at me.
1177
01:18:51,183 --> 01:18:54,050
You're not dead.
1178
01:18:54,186 --> 01:18:56,313
- I love you--
- I will always have.
1179
01:19:09,201 --> 01:19:12,227
You're dying,
but I don't want you to die.
1180
01:19:12,704 --> 01:19:14,206
- This is not--
- You don'twanna die.
1181
01:19:14,206 --> 01:19:15,833
I don't know
what we can do about it.
1182
01:19:16,208 --> 01:19:17,709
Nobody here--
1183
01:19:17,709 --> 01:19:21,201
the nurses don't want you to die,
but you're dying.
1184
01:19:40,232 --> 01:19:43,167
I'm looking into your eyes right now.
1185
01:19:43,235 --> 01:19:45,726
I know you can see me.
1186
01:19:45,737 --> 01:19:49,867
I'm only telling you this--
a fraction of how it makes me feel,
1187
01:19:50,242 --> 01:19:53,643
and a lot more
that I won't be able to tell you.
1188
01:19:53,745 --> 01:19:55,975
A lot more you can't hear.
1189
01:19:56,248 --> 01:19:58,011
You'll know, you'll know--
1190
01:19:58,750 --> 01:20:00,308
Baby, I love you.
1191
01:20:00,752 --> 01:20:04,256
Don't go away.
Don't go anywhere, 'cause I'll be back.
1192
01:20:04,256 --> 01:20:07,851
In just a few minutes, okay?
I'll stop crying.
1193
01:20:08,260 --> 01:20:11,263
I'm gonna stop crying,
I'm gonna stop crying.
1194
01:20:11,263 --> 01:20:14,061
I will be okay, okay?
I will be okay.
1195
01:20:14,266 --> 01:20:18,635
Hold on, hold on.
Just a couple of more minutes.
1196
01:20:18,770 --> 01:20:24,072
Hold on, just a few more minutes
and I'll be right back.
1197
01:20:24,276 --> 01:20:26,938
Okay? Okay.
1198
01:22:04,242 --> 01:22:07,245
... God shall make peace,
1199
01:22:07,245 --> 01:22:09,770
in the high heavens,
1200
01:22:10,248 --> 01:22:11,977
for all people everywhere.
1201
01:22:33,271 --> 01:22:35,171
I don't know,
this stuff might be all icky,
1202
01:22:35,273 --> 01:22:37,537
I'm scared to look at it.
I have no idea what it looks like.
1203
01:22:37,776 --> 01:22:43,009
It may be
all full of weird bacteria and stuff.
1204
01:22:43,281 --> 01:22:45,579
I don't how long it's been here.
1205
01:22:45,784 --> 01:22:50,187
It's been a month since Bob's death.
Just about a month.
1206
01:22:50,288 --> 01:22:53,291
I haven't touched it
or looked at it since.
1207
01:22:53,291 --> 01:22:55,054
Do it carefully.
1208
01:22:55,293 --> 01:22:57,818
I should probably have gloves on.
1209
01:23:13,311 --> 01:23:15,905
This was in his lungs.
1210
01:23:17,816 --> 01:23:20,216
What is that?
1211
01:23:22,320 --> 01:23:23,822
I don't know.
1212
01:23:23,822 --> 01:23:26,916
Mucus, phlegm, what you wanna call it.
1213
01:23:27,325 --> 01:23:30,522
All that liquid came out of his lungs?
All that?
1214
01:23:31,329 --> 01:23:33,991
He was literally drowning.
1215
01:23:38,837 --> 01:23:41,499
"Why? Because it feels good,
1216
01:23:41,840 --> 01:23:43,239
because it gives me an erection,
1217
01:23:43,341 --> 01:23:44,342
because it makes me come,
1218
01:23:44,342 --> 01:23:46,833
because I'm sick,
because there is so much sickness,
1219
01:23:47,345 --> 01:23:49,210
because I say "Fuck the sickness."
1220
01:23:49,347 --> 01:23:50,348
Because I had the attention,
1221
01:23:50,348 --> 01:23:52,248
because I was a loner a lot,
because I was different.
1222
01:23:52,350 --> 01:23:54,511
Because kids beat me up
on the way to school,
1223
01:23:54,853 --> 01:23:56,855
because I was humiliated by nuns,
1224
01:23:56,855 --> 01:23:58,186
because of Christ and the crucifixion,
1225
01:23:58,356 --> 01:24:00,483
because of Porky Pig in bondage,
1226
01:24:00,859 --> 01:24:03,862
force-fed by some sinister creep
in a black cape.
1227
01:24:03,862 --> 01:24:05,727
Because of stories
about children hanged by their wrists,
1228
01:24:05,864 --> 01:24:08,128
burned on the stoves, scalded in tubs,
1229
01:24:08,366 --> 01:24:09,799
because of "Mutiny in the Bounty,"
1230
01:24:09,868 --> 01:24:11,233
because of cowboys and lndians,
1231
01:24:11,369 --> 01:24:11,870
because of Houdini,
1232
01:24:11,870 --> 01:24:13,770
because of my cousin Cliff,
1233
01:24:13,872 --> 01:24:16,705
because of the forts we built
and the things we did inside them.
1234
01:24:16,875 --> 01:24:19,878
Because of what's inside me,
because of my genes,
1235
01:24:19,878 --> 01:24:20,674
because of my parents,
1236
01:24:20,879 --> 01:24:22,608
because of doctors and nurses,
1237
01:24:22,881 --> 01:24:25,383
because they tied me to the crib,
so I wouldn't hurt myself,
1238
01:24:25,383 --> 01:24:28,352
because I had time to think,
because I had time to hold my penis,
1239
01:24:28,887 --> 01:24:30,354
because I had awful stomachaches
1240
01:24:30,388 --> 01:24:31,878
and holding my penis
made it feel better.
1241
01:24:31,890 --> 01:24:33,892
Because I thought
like I was going to die,
1242
01:24:33,892 --> 01:24:35,689
because it makes me feel invincible,
1243
01:24:35,894 --> 01:24:37,395
because it makes me feel triumphant,
1244
01:24:37,395 --> 01:24:38,589
because I'm a Catholic,
1245
01:24:38,897 --> 01:24:41,399
because I still love Lent
and still love my penis
1246
01:24:41,399 --> 01:24:43,663
and in spite of it all, I have no guilt.
1247
01:24:43,902 --> 01:24:45,767
Because my parents said
"Be what you wanna be",
1248
01:24:45,904 --> 01:24:47,269
and this is what I wanna be.
1249
01:24:47,405 --> 01:24:49,737
Because I ' m nothing but a big baby,
and I wanna stay that way
1250
01:24:49,908 --> 01:24:51,876
and I want a mommy forever,
even a mean one,
1251
01:24:51,910 --> 01:24:53,343
'specially a mean one.
1252
01:24:53,411 --> 01:24:54,913
Because of all the fairy tale witches,
1253
01:24:54,913 --> 01:24:57,108
and the wicked stepmother
and the stepsisters,
1254
01:24:57,415 --> 01:24:59,212
and how sexy Cinderella was,
1255
01:24:59,417 --> 01:25:01,920
smudged with soot,
doomed to a life of servitude.
1256
01:25:01,920 --> 01:25:04,354
Because of Hansel,
locked in the witch's cage
1257
01:25:04,422 --> 01:25:05,889
until he was fat enough to eat.
1258
01:25:06,424 --> 01:25:09,291
Because of "O",
and how desperately I wanted to be her.
1259
01:25:09,427 --> 01:25:11,930
Because of my dreams,
because of the games we played,
1260
01:25:11,930 --> 01:25:13,488
because I've got an active imagination,
1261
01:25:13,932 --> 01:25:15,797
because my mother bought me Tinker Toys,
1262
01:25:15,934 --> 01:25:18,300
because hardware stores
give me hard-ons,
1263
01:25:18,436 --> 01:25:20,939
because of hammers,
nails, clothespins, wood,
1264
01:25:20,939 --> 01:25:24,067
padlocks, pullies, eyeballs,
thumbtacks, staple guns,
1265
01:25:24,442 --> 01:25:26,774
sewing needles,
wooden spoons, fishing tackle,
1266
01:25:26,945 --> 01:25:29,447
chains, metal rulers, rubber tubings,
1267
01:25:29,447 --> 01:25:32,143
spatulas, rope, twine,
"C" clamps, "S" hooks,
1268
01:25:32,450 --> 01:25:34,452
razor blades,
scissors, tweezers, knives,
1269
01:25:34,452 --> 01:25:36,943
push pins, 2 x 4s,
ping-pong paddles,
1270
01:25:36,955 --> 01:25:39,583
alligator clips,
duct tape, broomsticks,
1271
01:25:39,958 --> 01:25:43,461
barbecue skewers, bungee cords,
sawhorses, soldering irons.
1272
01:25:43,461 --> 01:25:45,190
Because of tool sheds,
because of garages,
1273
01:25:45,463 --> 01:25:47,465
because of basements,
because of dungeons,
1274
01:25:47,465 --> 01:25:49,023
because of "The Pit and the Pendulum,"
1275
01:25:49,467 --> 01:25:50,957
because of the Tower of London,
1276
01:25:50,969 --> 01:25:51,765
because of the lnquisition,
1277
01:25:51,970 --> 01:25:53,835
because of the rap,
because of the cross,
1278
01:25:53,972 --> 01:25:55,462
because of Adam's Family playroom,
1279
01:25:55,473 --> 01:25:57,475
because of Morticia Adams
and her black dress
1280
01:25:57,475 --> 01:25:58,601
with its octopus legs.
1281
01:25:58,977 --> 01:26:01,309
Because of motherhood,
because of Amazon,
1282
01:26:01,479 --> 01:26:03,310
because of the goddess,
because of the moon,
1283
01:26:03,481 --> 01:26:05,984
because it's in my nature,
because it's against nature.
1284
01:26:05,984 --> 01:26:07,713
Because it's nasty,
because it's fun,
1285
01:26:07,986 --> 01:26:10,181
because it flies in the face
of all that's normal--
1286
01:26:10,488 --> 01:26:12,979
whatever that is--
because I'm not normal.
1287
01:26:12,991 --> 01:26:15,459
Because I used to think
I was part of this vast experiment
1288
01:26:15,493 --> 01:26:18,462
and there was this implant in my penis
that made me do these things
1289
01:26:18,496 --> 01:26:21,954
and allowed them, wherever they were,
to monitor my activities.
1290
01:26:22,000 --> 01:26:24,594
Because I had to take my clothes off
and lie inside
1291
01:26:25,003 --> 01:26:27,904
this giant plastic bag
so the doctors could collect my sweat.
1292
01:26:28,006 --> 01:26:30,008
Because once upon a time
I had such a high fever,
1293
01:26:30,008 --> 01:26:32,203
my parents had to strip me naked
and wrap me in wet sheets
1294
01:26:32,510 --> 01:26:33,943
to stop the convulsions.
1295
01:26:34,012 --> 01:26:36,913
Because my parents loved me
even more when I was suffering,
1296
01:26:37,015 --> 01:26:39,506
because I was born
into a world of suffering,
1297
01:26:39,517 --> 01:26:41,917
because surrender is sweet,
because I'm attracted to it,
1298
01:26:42,020 --> 01:26:44,818
because I'm addicted to it,
because endorphins in the brain
1299
01:26:45,023 --> 01:26:46,456
are like a natural kind of heroin.
1300
01:26:46,524 --> 01:26:48,026
Because I learned to take my medicine,
1301
01:26:48,026 --> 01:26:50,187
because I was a big boy for taking it,
1302
01:26:50,528 --> 01:26:51,790
because I can take it like a man,
1303
01:26:52,030 --> 01:26:55,466
because as somebody once said,
"He's got more balls than I do."
1304
01:26:55,533 --> 01:26:58,832
Because it is an act of courage,
because it does take guts,
1305
01:26:59,037 --> 01:27:01,539
because I'm proud of it,
because I can't climb mountains,
1306
01:27:01,539 --> 01:27:04,474
because I'm terrible at sports,
because no pain, no gain,
1307
01:27:05,043 --> 01:27:07,045
because spare the rod, spoil the child,
1308
01:27:07,045 --> 01:27:09,980
because you always hurt
the one you love.
1309
01:28:11,743 --> 01:28:15,235
It's fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1310
01:28:15,747 --> 01:28:18,249
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1311
01:28:18,249 --> 01:28:21,707
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1312
01:28:26,257 --> 01:28:27,554
Problems, problems
1313
01:28:27,759 --> 01:28:30,489
Everybody's got them
1314
01:28:30,762 --> 01:28:33,765
Not me, not me
1315
01:28:33,765 --> 01:28:38,828
I look around
from a hole in the ground and...
1316
01:28:39,270 --> 01:28:42,569
I see, I see
1317
01:28:42,774 --> 01:28:46,277
I see the sun coming up
and the moon going down
1318
01:28:46,277 --> 01:28:49,144
Everybody worried
about the world spinning around
1319
01:28:49,280 --> 01:28:52,681
But I'm dead, I'm dead
1320
01:28:52,784 --> 01:28:54,979
And it's fun to be dead
1321
01:28:55,286 --> 01:28:58,687
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1322
01:28:58,790 --> 01:29:01,292
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1323
01:29:01,292 --> 01:29:05,422
Fun to be dead
1324
01:29:05,797 --> 01:29:10,131
When I wake up in the morning
I'm still asleep
1325
01:29:10,301 --> 01:29:13,304
Dreaming that
the birds in the trees go cheap
1326
01:29:13,304 --> 01:29:16,296
Waiting for somebody to knock at my door
1327
01:29:16,808 --> 01:29:18,810
But no one is gonna knock at my door
1328
01:29:18,810 --> 01:29:21,074
Anymore, more, more, more
1329
01:29:21,312 --> 01:29:24,110
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1330
01:29:24,315 --> 01:29:27,250
Fun to be dead, fun to be dead
1331
01:29:27,318 --> 01:29:33,154
Fun to be dead
1332
01:29:34,305 --> 01:29:40,461
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