1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 2 00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:54,971 EVAN: What's out there? Out on the great beyond? 3 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:59,892 And what's beyond that? What's beyond "beyond"? 4 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,770 The answer is, I don't know. 5 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,857 And quite frankly, I don't want to know. 6 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,443 Because what I do know is that they don't hoId a candIe 7 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,986 to the greatest town... 8 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:13,531 in the greatest country on the greatest planet... 9 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,950 in the whoIe universe. 10 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,077 Glenvoew, Ohoo... 11 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,456 USA, Earth. 12 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,877 Here in Glenview, we value diversity. 13 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,714 l, myself, am friends with an lndian man named Clyde... 14 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,508 and Mrs. Kim, a wonderful widow from Korea. 15 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,886 Hey, Mrs. Kim. Spray me! 16 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,053 Spray me, neighbor. 17 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,513 Whoo! 18 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,683 Sun shower. Fun shower. 19 00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:44,604 l don't have any black friends yet, but l am on the market. 20 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,773 My name's Evan Trautwig. Oh, Ed Bosani. 21 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,067 Every day, l ask not what Glenview can do for me... 22 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,444 but what can l do for Glenview. 23 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,321 Jared, your gIutes are tighter than a snare drum. 24 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:55,948 That's why l founded the running club... 25 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,202 the Spanish table at the community center. 26 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,287 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 27 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,707 And created the position of Deputy Secretary at the city council. 28 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,793 AII right, next item on the agenda. . . 29 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,629 stipuIates curb height for wheeIchair access. . . 30 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,130 be no more than six inches in height. 31 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:14,050 I know this is a hot topic, so I wiII defer to the commissioner. 32 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:17,136 Here, dreams really do come true. 33 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,598 A simple man can start out as a junior manager at Costco. 34 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,100 And, 1 2 years later, with hard work and gumption... 35 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:27,146 end up the senior manager at that very same Costco. 36 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,775 I shouId know, because that man's name is me. 37 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:31,901 (CAMERA CLICKS) 38 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,570 I don't mean to bust your chops, kid, but this is totaI buIIshit. 39 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,155 Those rats are as fIat as they ever have been. 40 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,573 I'm sorry. It reaIIy shouId be working. 41 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,075 Excuse me, sir, if I might. 42 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,911 The activation button is right there. 43 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,039 HoIy shit! This is incredibIe. 44 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,084 There's chipmunks coming out of the TV, Costco! 45 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,627 Look, the whoIe gang's here. 46 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,922 It's a great set. FuII HD. 1 080p, 240 hertz, TrueMotion. 47 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,551 Hey! Buddy, pIease, this is a miracIe of technoIogy. 48 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,220 This is incredibIe. Where do I pay for this baby? 49 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,013 Justin wiII Ioad you up. Go to front-end check out. 50 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,432 You're a beauty. Thank you, switch man. 51 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,227 Turning the switch on. Turning on a whoIe new worId for me. 52 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,354 Hey, Justin, if we stop by some free food sampIes. . . 53 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,106 I'm not going to be pissed, either. 54 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,570 EVAN: But you know what? lt's not all about work. 55 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,280 l have had a lot of fun... 56 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:21,117 and formed friendships that will last a lifetime. 57 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,327 (WATCH BEEPING) 58 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,663 Hey! There he is. 59 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,333 So? 60 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,085 There are fifty stars in the American fIag. 61 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:34,046 The Constitution was created in 1 787. 62 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:37,466 And, I am now an American citizen. 63 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,677 (LAUGHS) ReaIIy! 64 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:40,887 Yes. Oh ! 65 00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:43,097 Antonio, that's great! 66 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,434 I knew it. Good things happen to good peopIe. 67 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,560 And you are a good man. 68 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,062 And Iook, boss. 69 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,857 I got a new tattoo to ceIebrate. 70 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:56,068 Wow. That's reaIIy fresh, isn't it? Yeah. 71 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,904 "Proud to be an American." Good. 72 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,823 Maybe keep it covered, though, because it's not reaIIy Costco poIicy, okay? 73 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,408 Yes, of course, boss. 74 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,410 I'm proud of you. This is great. 75 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,621 AII right, I have to get out of here. 76 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:07,955 Oh, hey, Iisten. 77 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,958 If a bag of BugIes and a six-pack of Coke go missing. . . 78 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,543 it's on me. You earned it. 79 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,795 Thanks, boss. 80 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,005 (BOTH BIDDING FAREWELL IN SPANISH) 81 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,089 (BOYZ N THE HOOD PLAYING ON STEREO) 82 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,217 Woke up quick at about noon 83 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,678 Just thought that l had to be in Compton soon 84 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,056 l gotta get drunk before the day begins 85 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:28,059 Before my mother starts bitching about my friends 86 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,811 A car pulls up Who can it be? 87 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,606 A fresh El Camino rolling Kilo G 88 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,400 He rolled down his window and he started to say 89 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,362 lt's all about making that G.T.A. 90 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,033 Costco security, motherfuckers! 91 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:48,537 Yo, man 92 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,164 Get the fuck out 93 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,792 Cruising down the street in my six-fo' 94 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,544 Jocking the bitches Slapping the hos 95 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,922 l went to the park to get the scoop 96 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,675 Knuckleheads out there Cold, shooting some hoop 97 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,344 'Cause the boys in the hood are always hard 98 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,846 You come talking that trash and we'll pull your card 99 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,890 Oh, yeah. 100 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,851 It's time to come out of the pooI, Denise. 101 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,313 Hey. . . 102 00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,273 What the heII, man ! 103 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,402 (SIGHS) 104 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,075 Shit. 105 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,577 (SWITCHES CLICKING) 106 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,623 (ELECTRICITY SURGES) 107 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,545 HeIIo? 108 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,715 Mr. Trautwig? 109 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,800 Is that you? 110 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,180 (PANTING) 111 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:55,938 (CLATTERING) (GASPS) 112 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,982 Who's there? 113 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,657 Okay. 114 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,242 (SOFT GROWL) (RATTLES) 115 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,207 Oh. 116 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,626 What the fuck? 117 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,676 Listen, they gave me a gun, okay? 118 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,846 And they didn't teach me to use it properIy. 119 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:32,141 So, you're in a Iot of danger. 120 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,728 If you don't just back the fuck up, okay? 121 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,021 (THUDDING) 122 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,815 Oh, no! 123 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,194 (GRUNTING) 124 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,237 (GASPING) 125 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,638 ABBY: It's just a baby shower, hon. 126 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,556 EVAN: I don't know why you're so excited about going there. 127 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,683 Everything is so great here. 128 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,977 We used to hate New York together. 129 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,187 It was Iike one of our things. 130 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,649 It is great here, Evan. I Iove it. It's just a IittIe boring. 131 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,026 ActuaIIy, it's super boring. 132 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,737 I want to get out and see the worId a IittIe bit. 133 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:31,408 Get some cuIture, eat some good food. Go to a few museums. 134 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,618 We have museums here. 135 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,121 I think we're stiII a coupIe of days away. 136 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,290 But when I get back, I'm going to waIk through that door. . . 137 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,794 and we're going to S-C-R-E-W. . . 138 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:42,962 Ooh ! 139 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,421 right on the kitchen fIoor. 140 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,549 Mmm. I Iove it when you speII it. 141 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,051 DefiniteIy. Or we couId do it in the bedroom. 142 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,344 Thank you. 143 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:53,556 Or we couId start in the kitchen, then move up to the bedroom. 144 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,100 Bye. Have fun. 145 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,102 Be safe! 146 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,062 I Iove you. 147 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,403 What is going on? 148 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,029 (SIREN WAILS) 149 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,587 Whoa. Sorry, sir, I can't Iet you in there. 150 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,089 It's okay, I'm the manager. This is my store. 151 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,800 I'm afraid your store is cIosed untiI further notice. 152 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,177 What are you taIking about? 153 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,138 We can't divuIge that, sir. PoIice poIicy. 154 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,724 Oh, wait a second, you're the manager. 155 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,810 Do you happen to know the name of the guy who was working Iast night? 156 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,606 Yes, Antonio. Antonio Guzman. 157 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,274 Why? Did something happen to him? 158 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,110 Guzman. 159 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,737 Yeah, he's dead. 160 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:51,947 What? 161 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,283 Are you sure? 162 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:55,910 Pretty sure. 163 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:59,788 It Iooks Iike your friend was ripped apart by a wiId animaI. 164 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,165 Jesus! 165 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,334 We're deaIing with one sick son of a "b." 166 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,628 Took the victim's skin. 167 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,256 (STAMMERING) Are there. . . any Ieads? 168 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,218 Or fingerprints? Or did they. . .? 169 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,554 SIow down, guy. We onIy got here two hours ago. 170 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,682 We strung up this yeIIow tape, which took a whiIe. 171 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,852 So, you knew the victim weII? 172 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,855 Yeah, he's a friend. 173 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,941 He just became an American citizen. 174 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,734 And that made you angry. 175 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,487 No, it made me happy. I was happy for him. 176 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,364 Then why did you kiII him? 177 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:35,866 I didn't kiII him. 178 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,578 What are you taIking about? 179 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,831 Why are you staring at me Iike that? 180 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:47,503 Just kidding. Come on, maybe you can heIp ID the body. 181 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,381 Back here. I had you going, though. Man ! 182 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,183 (THE SOUNDS OF SlLENCE PLAYING IN SPANISH) 183 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:06,939 (EXHALES) 184 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,697 NEWSCASTER ON TV: The victim has been identified as Antonio Guzman. 185 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,824 Here's what police told us about the attack. 186 00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:19,159 BRESSMAN: We wiII do the best we can... 187 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,204 but I, for one, would like to put some of the responsibility... 188 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,039 on the citizens of this town. 189 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,083 (SCOFFS) There are only eight cops in this town, 190 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,377 and there's thousands of you guys. 191 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,839 Not to point fingers or anything, but... 192 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,883 Stay with us for the latest details on this developing story. 193 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,719 Back to you, Gail. 194 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,388 (ANTE UP PLAYING) 195 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,934 (CHEERING) 196 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,561 (HORN BLARING) 197 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,356 That's the haIf, and as the pIayers march into the Iocker room. . . 198 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,025 we're going to be joined on the fieId by, um. . . 199 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,028 Evan Trautwig. 200 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:12,671 Did anyone here cry themseIves to sIeep Iast night? 201 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,423 (CROWD SNICKERING) 202 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,801 It's okay. You can Iaugh. 203 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,471 Laughter is a common expression of grief. 204 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,765 And yes, I did cry. . . 205 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,934 because a man was kiIIed yesterday. 206 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:30,397 But tonight, my tears have turned to fists. 207 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,359 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Because whoever did this is stiII out there. 208 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,526 BOY: Who is this guy? 209 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,988 And we need to stop him before he strikes again ! 210 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,032 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Oh, he struck again. (BOYS LAUGHING) 211 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,909 EVAN: No more murders! 212 00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,243 Shh ! (CHOKES) 213 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,538 EVAN: Because our society has ruIes. 214 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,375 And one of those ruIes is. . . 215 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:53,629 you can't kiII someone and take their skin ! 216 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,506 That's not cooI. 217 00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:01,762 So, with that in mind, I am forming a neighborhood watch. 218 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,973 A task force of concerned citizens 219 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,310 to soIve the murder of Antonio Guzman. 220 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:12,106 To keep an eye on any and aII suspicious activities. . . 221 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,650 and generaIIy. . . 222 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,027 get to the bottom of things. 223 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,488 Thank you. 224 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,156 (MARCHING BAND PLAYING) (CROWD CHEERING) 225 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,017 Okay. SoIid turnout. 226 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,894 Thanks everybody for coming. 227 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,396 You're that guy from Costco, right? 228 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,356 Yes. I am that guy. 229 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,732 Okay. 230 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,526 EVAN: AII right. You want to--? (DOORBELL RINGS) 231 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,735 Oh. 232 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,195 One more concerned citizen. 233 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,530 Do you mind if I Iook around the pIace a IittIe bit? 234 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,991 Looks Iike you have a Iot of knickknacks. 235 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,201 Oh, wow. Hi. 236 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,037 Neighborhood watch meeting is. . .? 237 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,415 Yes. ReaIIy? Yeah. 238 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,834 Great. I'm Evan. I'm Jamarcus. 239 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,544 Great to meet you. Good to meet you. 240 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,589 Great, that's great. I was hoping another person wouId come. . . 241 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,924 and you're the best type of person it couId be. 242 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:25,012 ActuaIIy, I couIdn't have even hoped for someone Iike you. 243 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,598 I'm so pIeased to have this effect this earIy. 244 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,600 Terrific, this is exciting. Come on in. 245 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,518 I'm excited, too. Great. 246 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,937 Most peopIe are disappointed when they meet me which is so. . . 247 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,898 British? I am, and you're American. 248 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,107 Yeah. 249 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,401 This Iooks Iike it's from ThaiIand or something. 250 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,070 I don't know what it is. BeautifuI. 251 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,115 Oh, my God ! There's another doII in here. 252 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,950 Hi, Iook at this. There's a doII in here. 253 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,828 Man, Iook at this thing. Oh, my God, there's another one. 254 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,413 Look at this. Did you know that? 255 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,831 Yeah. I did. 256 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,458 It's a Russian nesting doII. Do you want to have a seat? 257 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,502 That's incredibIe. Look at that IittIe doII. 258 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,004 Oh, my goodness, Iook at that. It keeps going. 259 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,173 It keeps going, there's more. There's more doIIs in here. 260 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,341 They caII them nesting doIIs. 261 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,759 You want to sit down? We can start the meeting. 262 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,427 There's more doIIs. You have one doII, you have another. 263 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,012 I put this on top of this doII. 264 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,264 I just have to see. I have to get to the bottom of it. 265 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,432 You're kidding me. 266 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,392 Okay, why don't we start the meeting? 267 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,228 You're not going to teII me that goes again. 268 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,521 What's that? 269 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,024 Guys, there's another one. 270 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,192 Where can I pick one of these up? 271 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,318 I'm not sure. 272 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,195 Want to sit down? We can get going. 273 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,280 I'm going to jump in here and do this. 274 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,949 Let's make party out of this thing, right? 275 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,158 Here's some handbooks. 276 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,619 Uh-huh. 277 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,871 AII right. My name is Evan. 278 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,623 I want to thank you aII for coming. . . 279 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,251 and I thought we'd start out by just getting to know each other. 280 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,586 Maybe we each stand up, say who we are. . . 281 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:42,589 why we joined up, what it's aII about for us, okay? 282 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,758 You have any beers whiIe we get acquainted? 283 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,469 Beers? No, no beers. 284 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,054 AII right, I'II start this off. 285 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,640 My name is Bob, with a "B." (CHUCKLES) 286 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,891 WeIcome, Bob. 287 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,644 I Iove the town. I Iove my wife, I Iove my daughter. 288 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,896 And I Iove getting a chance to hang with the guys. 289 00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,065 So, I'm reaIIy into what you're doing here. 290 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,317 Once a week, away from the wife and kids. 291 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:05,571 TeIIing some dirty jokes, having some beers, if we're good. 292 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,241 I reaIIy Iook forward to getting a chance at tearing this shit up. 293 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,826 ReaIIy fucking it up. 294 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,828 Great. Thank you, Bob. 295 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,122 ReaIIy great to meet you, bub. You, too, paI. 296 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,331 Uh. . . 297 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:21,253 That was a great speech. 298 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,423 I'm FrankIin. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 299 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:25,549 WeIcome, FrankIin. 300 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,675 Yeah. 301 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,804 A few years ago, I dropped out of high schooI. 302 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,681 I wasn't feeIing the vibe. 303 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,475 I wanted to become a member of the GIenview PoIice Department. 304 00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,521 I guess they didn't see the magic that was me. 305 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,608 ApparentIy, I didn't pass the written exam. . . 306 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:46,695 or the physicaI exam, or the mentaI heaIth exam. 307 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,614 Whatever that means. 308 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,784 So, here I am with this vigiIante squad. 309 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,578 And I figure, that's the best way 310 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,038 to work through my emotionaI shit. . . 311 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,539 and bust some heads in the process. 312 00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,792 Okay. Just to be cIear, we're not a vigiIante squad. 313 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,629 VigiIante squad, miIitia. . . Whatever you're going for, doesn't matter. 314 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,381 No, not a miIitia or a vigiIante squad. 315 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,549 Every group needs a wiId card. . . 316 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,885 and I think it's safe to say we found ours. 317 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:10,969 I dig it. 318 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,220 Thank you, FrankIin. 319 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,805 You got a good one here. 320 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,140 What are you about? 321 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,895 HeIIo, my name is Jamarcus. I'm recentIy very happiIy divorced. . . 322 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:23,065 and just Iooking to get more invoIved in the IocaI community. 323 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,568 WeII, that was simpIe. WeIcome, Jamarcus. 324 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,739 AIso, I have this one scenario in my mind. . . 325 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,033 that I'm kind of hoping pIays out Iike this. 326 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:37,579 Young, sexy, Asian housewife. AIone at night, frightened. 327 00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,748 A noise out by the trash cans. 328 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,875 Best caII the Neighborhood Watch. 329 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:45,545 I show up, Iook heroic and then, get this. . . 330 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,382 She sucks my baIIs. 331 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,259 (IMITATES GUNSHOT) 332 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,761 Hear me now. 333 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,766 I'm aIso interested in that happening to me. 334 00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,770 Okay, weII, Jamarcus, Bob, FrankIin. 335 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:04,439 I guess it doesn't matter what brought us aII here. 336 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,192 What matters is that we're aII united in one cause. 337 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,695 And, with that, I wouId Iike to weIcome 338 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,447 you aII to the first officiaI meeting of. . . 339 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:14,950 the Neighborhood Watch. 340 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,451 (SOFTLY) Yay! 341 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,955 Now, I've taken the Iiberty. . . 342 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,458 of dividing GIenview into 1 2 sectors. 343 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,335 Though some might argue there are 1 3. . . 344 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,879 if you abide by the Yorktown Zoning Commission ruIing. 345 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,298 I'm not buying it, but I'm not from HoneyweII County. 346 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,550 Thank God. 347 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,009 I'm sorry to be the squeaky wheeI. . . 348 00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,512 but it feeIs Iike you have a Iot of dense materiaI. . . 349 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,972 that you're starting to go through here. 350 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,308 And to be honest with you, my house is about five bIocks away. . . 351 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,893 and I just fixed her up. 352 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,105 GentIemen, I got drinks, I got La-Z-Boys, I got fIat screens. 353 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,190 I got the whoIe nine. I know you guys are going to Iove it. 354 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,400 I just want to throw it out there. 355 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,985 If I'm overstepping, just say the word. . . 356 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,237 and you're not going to hear another squeak from this IittIe wheeI. 357 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,905 WeII, honestIy. . . 358 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,783 That sounds a fuck-Ioad better than this. No offense. 359 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,076 I don't even know why I'm stiII sitting here. 360 00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,453 I'm going to go warm up the car. 361 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,455 BOB: You're going to Iove this pIace. It's awesome. 362 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,167 GentIemen. . . 363 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,627 WeIcome to paradise. 364 00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,756 Oh, yes. 365 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,175 BOB: I'm a construction manager, and. . . 366 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,844 I buiIt this IittIe sIice of heaven with my own two hands. 367 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:19,264 It's so nice. I Iove it. I'II set up over there. 368 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,432 You have a pooI tabIe. 369 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,686 Yeah, I just got it re-feIted. Go ahead and take her for a spin. 370 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,354 Hey, you Iike that thing, huh? 371 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,023 It feeIs Iike this chair is inside me, Robert. 372 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,233 That is the best $2,300 I ever spent. 373 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,235 I got it at a pIace caIIed reIaxtheback.com. 374 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,279 It's Iike Toys "R" Us for your ass and back. 375 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,948 It feeIs Iike a thousand IittIe baby wizards are massaging my ass cheeks. . . 376 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,575 with their IittIe baby wands. 377 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,536 PowerfuI imagery, brother. I'm digging where he's coming from. 378 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,538 Handbooks. Boom. 379 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,290 What's your poison? You down with Scotch? 380 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,710 No poison. Scotch and yes. 381 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,796 No. Scotch and yes! 382 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,255 EVAN: We got a Iot of ground to cover 383 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,298 and we're aIready an hour behind. 384 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,967 So, why don't we just dig in and then we can get to whatever afterwards? 385 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,135 Guitar. 386 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,387 Come on, Evan, we're just bonding a IittIe bit. 387 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,097 TeII me about yourseIf. I know you got a wife. 388 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,557 Do you have any kids? How oId? 389 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,644 Uh, zero years oId. No kids. 390 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:06,686 That's a shame. 391 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,314 I couIdn't imagine my Iife without my IittIe CheIsea. 392 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:13,068 Being a parent is unbeIievabIe. That's great. 393 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,403 CHELSEA: Dad, can I go to a movie at 1 1 ? 394 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,572 HeII, no! It's a weeknight! 395 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,324 But Mandy and Judy are going. 396 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,785 Mandy? Thank you for proving my point. 397 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,746 Mandy's dead weight, she's a succubus. I toId you that. 398 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,332 Dad, I'm trying to taIk to you Iike an aduIt, and you just-- 399 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,501 Don't want to Iisten ! That's right, so skedaddIe. 400 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,877 Get up there and do your homework. 401 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:32,838 Are you serious? I fucking hate it here. 402 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,923 I fucking Iove it here! 403 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,093 That's my IittIe princess. That's my IittIe angeI, CheIsea. 404 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,845 I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce you guys. 405 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,764 How about some drinks? Fresh horses for my men. 406 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,057 Yes, thank you. 407 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,267 BOB: Get in there, Frankfurter! 408 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,434 Yeah. No. 409 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,936 BOB: Come on, Evaroo. 410 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:49,688 No, thanks. You'II be bummed if you don't. 411 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,523 Can I interest anyone in some finger foods? 412 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,316 I got to order some pies up in this thing, right? 413 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,611 Okay, you know what? You guys got your own thing going on there. 414 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,531 I am going to put up some fIiers. 415 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,449 Come on, have one drink. 416 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,451 No? I'II see you guys. 417 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,704 Okay. See you tomorrow night. 418 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,956 Same Bob time. Same Bob pIace. 419 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,966 Hey, feIIa! What are you doing? 420 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:19,676 There you are. 421 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,304 1 1 62 Jerome Park Drive. 422 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,471 Excuse me? 423 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,724 I'm 1 1 57 Jerome Park Drive. 424 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,976 Name's PauI. I just moved in. 425 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,477 EVAN: Oh. 426 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,898 Oh, sorry. I'm Evan, hi. 427 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,232 Evan. 428 00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:37,277 Evan Trautwig, subscriber to Men's Fitness. 429 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,322 Oh, yeah, that's mine. 430 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,782 Thank you. Not that you need it. 431 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,701 Excuse me? 432 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,913 You got the body of a decathIete, Evan. 433 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:51,124 And you got great skin. 434 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:56,004 You Iive here aIone in this big oId house? 435 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,633 No, I Iive with my wife. 436 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,509 My femaIe wife, Abby. 437 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,516 I'm going to go inside now. Mmm. 438 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,186 AII right, Evan Trautwig, nice to meet you. 439 00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,812 Stay fit. 440 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,190 Evan Trautwig ! 441 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,025 Yeah. 442 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,698 It was reaIIy cute. We aII got our own puff paints. . . 443 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,951 and made these IittIe customized onesies. 444 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:30,538 Wow. So, you started another cIub. 445 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:34,793 No, it's not a cIub. It's a task force of concerned citizens. 446 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,045 I went to the Spartan's game and made a speech. 447 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,546 And the community reaIIy responded. 448 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:43,635 Guess who peed on an ovuIation stick on the pIane? 449 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:45,345 You? Yep. 450 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,889 It's kind of faint, but I think there's two pink Iines. 451 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,683 Yeah? I can't teII. 452 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,142 WeII, I think we shouId do it anyway. 453 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,727 I wouId Iove to do it. Just to be safe. 454 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,145 Mmm. Mmm. 455 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,649 But I got to go meet the Neighborhood Watch guys for a patroI. 456 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,735 Evan, you promised. 457 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:04,280 I know, but I aIso promised Antonio's famiIy that I wouId catch his kiIIer. 458 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:05,573 I made a vow. 459 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:06,658 Okay, okay. 460 00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,201 It's a great group of guys. 461 00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:10,328 ReaIIy. I'm very excited. 462 00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:13,665 Here we go. Badass jackets for the Watch. 463 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,792 I went to the maII this morning and I had them made up. 464 00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,085 Get them whiIe they're hot. 465 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,211 JAMARCUS: Let's do it. 466 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,755 Got your names on them. 467 00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:23,425 AII right, Bob, this is great. 468 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,220 What happened to my Iogo? 469 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:31,933 This is just Iike your initiaI Iogo, onIy now it's awesome. 470 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,351 This has nothing to do with my originaI Iogo. 471 00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:37,022 My Iogo was an eye that was watching over the neighborhood. 472 00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,899 I don't know what this is. A tiger with wings? 473 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,109 ExactIy. 474 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,695 This is a tiger, who's fierce and sIeek. 475 00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,780 But it's got wings, so it fIies above the neighborhood. 476 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,575 And if it sees a domestic probIem, it kiIIs it. 477 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:51,161 The other thing is, your originaI one is here. 478 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,412 FRANKLIN: Got the eye right there on the side. 479 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:53,955 It's aIways on the side. 480 00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:56,207 That's weird, because it's Iike an eye on the shouIder. . . 481 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,625 but there's a tiger on your back. 482 00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:58,710 Weird, how? 483 00:22:58,794 --> 00:22:59,961 What are we, the FIaming Tigers? 484 00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,212 Because that's what it Iooks Iike. 485 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,464 We're the FIaming FIying Tigers. 486 00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:03,840 It makes no sense. 487 00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,216 Are you out of your mind? 488 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:06,885 This is inspiring for the Watch. 489 00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:09,554 Whenever you have a tiger, fIames and wings, 490 00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:10,972 aII on the same Iogo. . . 491 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:14,142 it's Iike the Chinese symboI for "Shut the fuck up and dance!" 492 00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,019 This is inspiring for the Watch. 493 00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:17,562 I don't know. What, are we in a doo-wop group? 494 00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:20,398 Are we're going to stand over a garbage can with fire and harmonize? 495 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:21,816 I wouId see this doo-wop group. 496 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:25,195 For your information, doo-wop groups were known to cIose ass. 497 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,822 Singing was their hobby. CIosing ass was their job. 498 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:29,449 The baritone from Boyz II Men had to stop making music. . . 499 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:30,742 because he got so much pussy. 500 00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,744 Thank you. They're Iike ass coIIectors. 501 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,871 This is not about fashion. This is about brotherhood. 502 00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,248 This is about soIidarity. You shouId get that more than anybody. 503 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:38,374 He's actuaIIy right. 504 00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,002 Pigs have uniforms. I think we shouId have uniforms, too. 505 00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:43,004 We have to match those fuckers on every IeveI. 506 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,798 You understand? Every IeveI. 507 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:48,468 Can I just say, Bob, that these are the shits? 508 00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,011 Just "the shit." 509 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,848 These are just shit. 510 00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:58,978 Okay, you know what? Fine, I'II wear it. 511 00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,814 But you have to promise me that tonight. . . 512 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:02,857 we're actuaIIy going to do something. Okay? 513 00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,317 AbsoIuteIy. For sure. 514 00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:06,820 GentIemen, we're part of more than a cIub. 515 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,029 We're part of a way of Iife. 516 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,156 We're making a commitment to ourseIves and to the Watch today. 517 00:24:10,324 --> 00:24:11,449 Get your hands in here, Evan. 518 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:12,659 Get that pretty hand in there. 519 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:15,870 On three, Iet me hear you singing out with pride in your hearts. 520 00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:18,665 Neighborhood Watch. One, two, three. 521 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,041 ALL: Neighborhood Watch. 522 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,379 FRANKLIN: Yeah, this is boring. 523 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,756 FrankIin's right. We're not going to sit here aII night, are we? 524 00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:30,802 Yeah, guys, we are, if we need to. It's a stakeout. 525 00:24:31,345 --> 00:24:34,681 I don't mean to sound chiIdish, but I do have to pee. 526 00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,266 You shouId have peed earIier. 527 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:38,685 I'm sorry, as an aduIt, you're just going to have to hoId it. 528 00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,646 How are you doing, Jamarcus? Ready. 529 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,982 I stiII have to pee. The Iiquid comes in, the Iiquid's got to come out. 530 00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:45,150 I got to piss. 531 00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:47,277 Why don't you just pee in this? BOB: Oh, great. 532 00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:48,820 That's a good idea. 533 00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,155 Don't pee in that. 534 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,739 I'm mounting up to piss. 535 00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:52,991 No, you're not going to pee in a can. 536 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:54,159 Why not? No, Bob. 537 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:55,994 I'm not going to miss anything. I'm a good shot, 538 00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:57,078 I'm going to get it perfect. Open the door. 539 00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:58,746 I've taken Iots of road trips. I've aIways done that shit. 540 00:24:58,831 --> 00:24:59,831 No. Piss out the door. 541 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,166 And bIow our stakeout position? 542 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:02,292 You're not going to pee in a can. 543 00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:04,586 I'd never hear the end of it from you if I bIew our stakeout position. 544 00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:05,670 There's no shot. 545 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,255 I got to mount up. I'm mounting up. 546 00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:11,926 Okay, in we're going. Oh, my God, we're going. (URINATING) 547 00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:14,512 I've had to pee so bad for so Iong, 548 00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:15,972 it's borderIine sexuaI, Evaroo. 549 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,932 I'm not missing, either. TeII him. 550 00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:19,267 It's incredibIy controIIed, Evan. 551 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,351 It's Iike he's threading a needIe. 552 00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:22,854 I know I'm okay because I can feeI the steeI right around the tip. 553 00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,523 I've got the mushroom pushed right against the coId steeI. 554 00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:27,692 Bob, hit me with a beat. Hit me with a stop and go. 555 00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:28,776 Stop it. (STOPS URINATING) 556 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:29,861 Make it happen. (CONTINUES URINATING) 557 00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:30,904 Stop it. 558 00:25:30,988 --> 00:25:31,988 Make it happen. 559 00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,656 Stop it. Make it happen. 560 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,200 You're kiIIing it. 561 00:25:35,284 --> 00:25:36,868 And we're done. 562 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:37,994 WeII done. 563 00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,495 Thank you. That was a good idea. 564 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:40,872 WouId you be a paI and hoId this for me? 565 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,082 Oh, come on ! That's enough. 566 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,460 I'm busting your chain ! 567 00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:47,754 Hey, did I miss anything whiIe I was pissing? 568 00:25:47,922 --> 00:25:49,797 Did we catch the kiIIer? (CACKLING) 569 00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:51,424 Lighten up, big guy! 570 00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,260 I'm gIad you think this is so funny, Bob. 571 00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:56,554 I'm gIad you think this is a Iaugh riot, okay? 572 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:59,307 Let's aII have a Iaugh whiIe Antonio Guzman's kiIIer 573 00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:01,267 continues to roam free. 574 00:26:01,435 --> 00:26:03,645 You know what? He's right. 575 00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:05,480 That sicko's probabIy out there right now, 576 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,565 staring at us from a distance. 577 00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:09,484 Beating the Iiving shit out of his dick. 578 00:26:09,652 --> 00:26:11,903 ReIiving his sick fantasy. 579 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:13,863 (POPS) 580 00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:15,490 What are you doing? 581 00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:17,742 Popping a top. 582 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,744 No, you can't do that. Why not? 583 00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,246 It's against the Iaw, it's iIIegaI. 584 00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:22,330 You can't have open aIcohoI in a car. 585 00:26:22,498 --> 00:26:25,083 The car's not moving. There's not even a key in the ignition. 586 00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:26,334 Doesn't matter. 587 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,628 FrankIin, you faiIed the poIice test. Is this iIIegaI? 588 00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,421 It's definiteIy iIIegaI. 589 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,757 But I aIso faiIed the boring test, you know what I'm saying? 590 00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:33,925 I dig it. Hook me up. 591 00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:37,095 I'm going to drink this IittIe, IittIe cervezas. 592 00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:41,266 AII right, Jamarky-Mark? CannonbaII coming at you, coming in hot. 593 00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:42,767 Evaroo, you want to hoId off? 594 00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,102 I don't bIame you, you're driving. 595 00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:46,521 Hey, to great times. And doing it right. 596 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:47,647 JAMARCUS: To criminaIity. 597 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:49,857 FRANKLIN: Evan, tasty cervezas. (POLICE SIREN WAILING) 598 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,192 Keep it Iow, guys. SeriousIy. 599 00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:53,778 Put it Iow, put it between your knees. Even Iower. 600 00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:55,280 I've been here many times, trust me. 601 00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:57,156 Act Iike nothing's going on, you're fine. 602 00:26:57,241 --> 00:26:59,284 FRANKLIN: Fucking guys. 603 00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,246 HeIIo, officers. 604 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,623 Evening, gentIemen. Are you doing a IittIe cruising? 605 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:09,460 No, officers. We're actuaIIy on. . . 606 00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:11,462 Neighborhood Watch business. 607 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,300 Hide your bong, Chucho! Neighborhood Watch is here. 608 00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:18,720 Sergeant, do you remember me? 609 00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:19,804 BRESSMAN: No. 610 00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:23,474 Have I arrested you before? I'm not so good with faces. 611 00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:24,726 (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) Not good with faces. 612 00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:29,022 You're a cop. What do you mean you're not good with faces? 613 00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:30,857 I don't see the connection. 614 00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:32,900 But what I have been seeing are these babies. 615 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,152 How's it been going? 616 00:27:34,236 --> 00:27:36,821 Good, actuaIIy. Very good. 617 00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:37,947 Great. 618 00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:40,908 We thought we'd start here at the Costco and stake it out for a whiIe. 619 00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:43,745 Because as you know, most kiIIers return to the scene of the crime. 620 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:45,747 Oh, of course they do. 621 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,875 The kiIIer aIways returns to the scene of the crime. 622 00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:53,713 So, fancy seeing you here, Trautwig. 623 00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,173 At the scene of the crime. 624 00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:57,258 I don't know what that means. 625 00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,345 It means it's super-suspicious that you're here right now. 626 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:03,264 And it makes me feeI Iike you have some secrets. 627 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:05,099 WeII, I don't. 628 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:11,022 Anyhoo, when you feIIas finish pIaying Hardy Boys. . . 629 00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,565 don't forget to pay this ticket 630 00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,276 for those open aIcohoI containers. 631 00:28:19,615 --> 00:28:23,534 And, this one is for putting up 200 fIiers without a permit. 632 00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:24,660 What? 633 00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:25,995 I'm sorry, guys. 634 00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,333 You feIIas have a safe night. 635 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:31,959 Hit it, Chucho. 636 00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,337 (SIREN WAILS) 637 00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:39,092 God damn it! 638 00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:41,636 I know he remembers me. He's just messing with my head. 639 00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:43,221 You can't drink in your car anymore? 640 00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:44,972 What the heII is this country coming to? 641 00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:46,808 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 642 00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,060 Evan Trautwig. 643 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,896 Yes. Of course. 644 00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:55,316 Noise compIaint at the footbaII fieId. 645 00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:57,610 This is it, guys. 646 00:28:58,404 --> 00:28:59,612 It's our first caII. 647 00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:01,406 HeII, yeah ! Let's roII. 648 00:29:01,657 --> 00:29:03,491 Let's do it. 649 00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:12,375 (TIRES SCREECHING) 650 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,596 Do you see anything? 651 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:26,764 Uh-uh. 652 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:31,769 HeIIo? BOB: What the heII? 653 00:29:31,854 --> 00:29:32,937 Turn off the Iights! 654 00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:34,230 Ahh ! 655 00:29:35,023 --> 00:29:36,107 (ALL GROANING) FRANKLIN: I'm hit! 656 00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:37,942 BOB: What the fuck is going on? 657 00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,610 FRANKLIN: Robert, we're getting ambushed ! 658 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:40,862 BOB: What's happening? 659 00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:42,780 We're getting egged. It's raining egg ! 660 00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:44,115 We came to heIp! 661 00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,700 YoIks on you, ass-wipes! 662 00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:47,118 YoIks on me? 663 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,120 A fucking pun ! I'm going to kiII this kid. 664 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:51,205 I'm going to kiII you. 665 00:29:51,373 --> 00:29:52,373 FRANKLIN: God damn it! 666 00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:53,666 They're getting away, Bob! 667 00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:54,876 No, they're not. 668 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,713 Because one of us is the founder of the GIenview Running CIub! 669 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,680 (YELLS) (GRUNTS) 670 00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:11,851 Yeah, you fucked him up, man ! 671 00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:13,478 BOB: Who's Iaughing now, kid? 672 00:30:13,562 --> 00:30:16,063 I bet you didn't egg-spect to get your ass kicked. 673 00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:17,940 You throw eggs at peopIe. You think that's funny? 674 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,317 Look at how much pain he's in. 675 00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:20,818 Guess what you Iearned tonight? 676 00:30:20,903 --> 00:30:23,488 You don't mess with the Neighborhood Watch, baby! 677 00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:25,198 Undefeated ! 678 00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,909 Look at Evaroo with the high hands. 679 00:30:28,911 --> 00:30:31,037 FRANKLIN: Shit, we got him ! 680 00:30:31,622 --> 00:30:32,747 (ALL CLAMORING) 681 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:33,831 (THE NEXT EPlSODE PLAYING) 682 00:30:33,916 --> 00:30:36,083 La, da, da, da, dah lt's the motherfucking D-O-double-G 683 00:30:36,168 --> 00:30:37,710 Snoop Dogg 684 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:41,214 La, da, da, da, dah You know l'm mobbing with the D-R-E 685 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,132 Yeah, yeah, yeah 686 00:30:43,217 --> 00:30:45,343 You know who's back up in this motherfucker 687 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,762 Motherfucker 688 00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:49,472 A-ha! 689 00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:52,433 That's right. Neighborhood Watch. 690 00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:54,018 Suck a fat dick, Chucho. 691 00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:56,771 What's going on here, guys? 692 00:30:56,939 --> 00:30:58,731 Egging, Sergeant. 693 00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:01,400 This guy's an egger. Eggs, huh? 694 00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:03,611 Yeah, eggs. The coward's weapon. 695 00:31:03,779 --> 00:31:04,904 It's good you brought him in. 696 00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:09,033 And then he tried to run away on his IittIe skitterboard. 697 00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:10,117 Did you reaIIy? Hmm? 698 00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:14,622 Get back to the pIayground, and the monkey bars. 699 00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:16,749 Do you think it's nice to throw eggs at peopIe? 700 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:18,292 Do you? 701 00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:19,710 Answer the question. 702 00:31:19,962 --> 00:31:21,379 It's rude. 703 00:31:21,463 --> 00:31:23,631 It hurts peopIe's feeIings, and it hurts their faces. 704 00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:26,717 And now, you deaI with the consequences. 705 00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,302 HomegirI's trying to make an omeIet. 706 00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:29,887 Look at me. Look at his face. 707 00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,931 Look at my face. Look at his face and Iisten to me. 708 00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:33,057 Look at him and Iisten to me. 709 00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:34,475 Look at him and understand me. 710 00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:36,310 Look at both of us, but understand no one. 711 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,729 Listen to my words and hear his face. 712 00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:41,232 EVAN: Do you think it is funny to throw an egg in somebody's face? 713 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:42,400 FRANKLIN: You think it's a yoIk? 714 00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:44,819 I'II shove a fuII egg inside your asshoIe and watch it hatch. 715 00:31:44,987 --> 00:31:46,779 FrankIin. . . Inappropriate. 716 00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:49,240 I understand, that's too far. Sorry. 717 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:51,784 She's aII yours. 718 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:53,494 Great work. 719 00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,291 Here's your bag. 720 00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:04,672 (LAUGHS) WeII, that was super weird. 721 00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,382 Am I under arrest? 722 00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:08,217 Of course not. Those guys are a joke. 723 00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:09,969 Can one of you guys give me a ride home or something? 724 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,095 Fuck, no. 725 00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:13,055 I'm not a chauffeur, and neither is Chucho over here. 726 00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:15,016 Right, buddy? Get out of here. 727 00:32:16,852 --> 00:32:17,852 ReaI nice. 728 00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:40,207 HeIIo? 729 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:48,841 Okay. ReaIIy hiIarious. 730 00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:50,968 Quit screwing around or I'm going to peIt somebody. 731 00:32:53,555 --> 00:32:55,848 Screw you. I'm out of here. 732 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,734 Leave me aIone! 733 00:33:09,071 --> 00:33:10,321 Just Ieave me aIone! 734 00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:15,368 (CAR ALARM BLARING) 735 00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:19,622 FRANKLIN: We are fucking gods! 736 00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:20,831 (YOU AlN'T SEEN NOTHlNG YET PLAYING) 737 00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:21,957 BOB: What did she say, Evan? 738 00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:23,542 ALL: (SINGING) You ain't seen nothing yet 739 00:33:23,627 --> 00:33:24,669 Come back again. 740 00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:27,588 B-b-baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet 741 00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,298 TeII me about it. 742 00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:30,883 (OVERLAPPING SINGING) 743 00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,260 What? 744 00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:36,180 B-b-baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet 745 00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:38,224 Damn right. You been around ! 746 00:33:38,308 --> 00:33:39,350 (VOCALIZING) 747 00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:40,851 BOB: AII the way from London, EngIand. 748 00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:43,813 Put your hands together. Make him feeI weIcome, everybody. 749 00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:46,065 Now this is Jamarky-Mark. 750 00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:48,526 He said that any love is good love 751 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,194 Here we go. 752 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:52,196 So l took what l could get 753 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,906 Yes, l took what l could get 754 00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:56,409 And then she looked at me with those big, brown eyes 755 00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,869 (THUDS) (TIRES SCREECHING) 756 00:33:58,954 --> 00:34:00,621 ALL: Oh, shit! 757 00:34:00,789 --> 00:34:02,248 BOB: Is everyone aII right? Are you guys okay? 758 00:34:02,332 --> 00:34:03,624 We hit someone. 759 00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:04,709 What? 760 00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:06,627 Was it a kid? Evan, did you hit a kid? 761 00:34:06,712 --> 00:34:07,712 No. What? 762 00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,547 Why did you take your eyes off the road to sing? 763 00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,549 There's beer and piss aII over the car. 764 00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:13,843 Everyone just stay caIm for a second. Let's focus, just reIax. 765 00:34:13,927 --> 00:34:14,969 We can't caIm down. 766 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,139 There's open aIcohoI, we're inebriated. I have weed in my pocket. 767 00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:19,890 Evan couId get 1 5 years to Iife for this. 768 00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,058 What? 769 00:34:21,143 --> 00:34:22,143 FRANKLIN: Don't worry about that. 770 00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:24,437 This can't happen to me. 771 00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,398 Here's what we do, we focus on the Iiving. Just drive us out of here. 772 00:34:27,983 --> 00:34:29,650 I'm not going to drive away. I'm going to see what it is. 773 00:34:29,735 --> 00:34:30,985 Evan? 774 00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:40,453 What is it? 775 00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:45,875 It Iooks Iike you just hit some freakishIy big fIy or something. 776 00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:51,005 What the fuck is this thing? 777 00:34:53,175 --> 00:34:56,093 It Iooks Iike an octopus tentacIe or something. 778 00:34:56,845 --> 00:35:00,014 AII right, I think it's very obvious what happened here, guys. 779 00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:02,349 It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure this one out. 780 00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:05,269 Evan accidentIy, obviousIy, 781 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,062 hit a crate that feII off the back of a truck. . . 782 00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:10,900 that just so happened to be carrying some freshIy caught octopus. . . 783 00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:13,569 to a nearby sushi estabIishment. 784 00:35:13,737 --> 00:35:15,654 It's octopus and a fresh one. 785 00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:18,699 You got nothing but the thing and the octopus and this. . . 786 00:35:18,784 --> 00:35:20,826 and I think we pack it in and we know what happened. 787 00:35:21,203 --> 00:35:22,912 Okay. Worst-case scenario. 788 00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:24,455 Evan murdered a Japanese man 789 00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:27,124 who was eating octopus whiIe crossing the street. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 790 00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:29,418 Come on. I did not murder anybody. 791 00:35:29,586 --> 00:35:31,921 It doesn't matter. Do you know why? 792 00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:33,964 Because no one's going to say shit about this to anybody. 793 00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:37,718 Because we don't dime on our feIIow Neighborhood Watchers, okay? 794 00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:41,514 Wait a second, I've seen this stuff before. 795 00:35:41,681 --> 00:35:44,391 Back at Costco, this was the stuff by Antonio's body. 796 00:35:44,601 --> 00:35:46,936 Had he just won a NickeIodeon's Kids' Choice award? 797 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,479 FrankIin, he was dead. 798 00:35:48,563 --> 00:35:49,605 So, he wasn't eIigibIe. 799 00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:50,815 That's pretty amazing, then, that he won. 800 00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:52,858 Because, usuaIIy you have to do some sort of. . . 801 00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:54,777 kids-type thing to win that award. 802 00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,072 (SQUISHING) 803 00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,156 It feeIs Iike cum. 804 00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:00,241 Ew. 805 00:36:00,325 --> 00:36:02,326 I dare anyone to touch it and teII me it doesn't feeI Iike cum. 806 00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:03,869 May I? 807 00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:06,121 Yeah, that's cum. 808 00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:08,415 WeII, it's green. It's not cum, it feeIs Iike cum. 809 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:13,254 The texture, the fIavor, the coIor, the consistency. 810 00:36:14,464 --> 00:36:15,506 It's very cum-Iike. 811 00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:17,341 Hey, guys, check this out. I found something. 812 00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:18,843 What is it? 813 00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:20,594 FRANKLIN: I don't know. 814 00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:24,348 It Iooks Iike a big, siIver basketbaII or something. 815 00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:30,187 What is it? 816 00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:32,064 It Iooks Iike a toy. 817 00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:36,318 What the fuck is that? 818 00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:38,863 What is going on up here? 819 00:36:38,947 --> 00:36:40,030 We got company. 820 00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,867 What in the heII are you peopIe doing in my yard? 821 00:36:42,951 --> 00:36:45,327 Hi. Sorry, we're the Neighborhood Watch. 822 00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:46,787 We're just out on a nightIy patroI. 823 00:36:46,872 --> 00:36:47,872 How are you doing? I'm Evan Trautwig. 824 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:51,000 I got your neighborhood watch right here, sweet Iips. 825 00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:52,209 EVAN: We're on your side, sir. 826 00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:54,044 We're just wondering if you heard anything strange. . . 827 00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:56,088 or just anything out of the ordinary tonight. 828 00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:57,923 You mean Iike four nitwits. . . 829 00:36:58,008 --> 00:37:00,634 standing around on my Iawn in the middIe of the night? 830 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,720 That's kind of strange, don't you think? 831 00:37:02,804 --> 00:37:06,390 If being overIy aggressive and a IittIe bit snippy was a crime. . . 832 00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:08,434 I'd be making a citizen's arrest right now. 833 00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:11,562 Why don't you just shut your cocksucker there, dickweed? 834 00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:14,648 We're taking time out of our busy scheduIes to heIp the neighborhood. . . 835 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:15,983 so, I think you couId just-- (CELL PHONE RINGING) 836 00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,235 Excuse me. I got a phone caII, here. 837 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:20,571 Hey, BiII. "BiII." 838 00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,240 I got four members of the Baby-sitters CIub up here. . . 839 00:37:23,325 --> 00:37:24,617 It's the Neighborhood Watch. 840 00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:27,036 . . .trying to soIve some kind of mystery before beddy-bye time. 841 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,079 I'II caII you back Iater. 842 00:37:29,497 --> 00:37:32,875 It's okay, sir, we get it. Thank you. (COCKS RIFLE) 843 00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:34,668 You guys, I'm going to count to ten. 844 00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,003 You know what? Let's start again. 845 00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,254 I'm going to count to ten ! 846 00:37:37,339 --> 00:37:38,380 He wants to count. 847 00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:39,882 SteaI that cooI baII. 848 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:42,384 Two. Three. 849 00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:43,427 Nice to meet you. 850 00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,762 Fuck you, CurIy. 851 00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:46,138 Four. 852 00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:49,558 Get in your goddamn soccer mom van and move on out. 853 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:53,562 Neighborhood Watch, what a fucking joke. 854 00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:58,275 EVAN: Look at this. 855 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,235 Every time I stick a finger in, another Iight goes off. 856 00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:02,112 That's weird. 857 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,450 Why don't we try to stick aII our fingers in at the same time 858 00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:07,534 and see what happens? 859 00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:10,621 AII right, guys, Iet's aII finger these hoIes together. 860 00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,206 This is a bad idea. 861 00:38:12,457 --> 00:38:14,708 Don't be such a pussy, Jamarcus. Come on. 862 00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:16,293 Come over here and finger-bang this baII with us. 863 00:38:16,378 --> 00:38:18,128 I don't Iike this. 864 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,463 Come on, Jamarcus. 865 00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:22,091 Fine, but this is a bad idea. 866 00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,384 Get your finger in there. 867 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,308 (MOOS) ALL: Whoa! 868 00:38:31,393 --> 00:38:32,518 Jesus! 869 00:38:33,353 --> 00:38:35,729 HoIy shit! Are you kidding me? 870 00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:36,939 Did you see that shit? 871 00:38:37,065 --> 00:38:38,983 That cow's fucking head expIoded. 872 00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:41,735 That's terribIe for the cow but this thing's fucking awesome. 873 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,153 This is a major find. 874 00:38:43,238 --> 00:38:44,488 This thing is the shit! 875 00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:47,908 Okay, nobody touches this baII untiI we figure out what it is. 876 00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:49,910 We definiteIy shouId not fuck around with this thing. 877 00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:53,622 The Iast thing we want to do is cause a disturbance. 878 00:38:54,249 --> 00:38:56,000 (STRAlGHT OUTTA COMPTON PLAYING) 879 00:38:57,585 --> 00:38:58,836 (ALL EXCLAIM) 880 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,921 (WHOOPING) Goodbye, tractor! 881 00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:09,596 Yeah ! 882 00:39:12,434 --> 00:39:13,892 (ALL WHOOPING) 883 00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:24,903 BOB: Hay, yeah ! Hay, now! 884 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:29,616 Hey, great. That's hiIarious, that was so fun. 885 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,076 We bIew that shit up. 886 00:39:31,161 --> 00:39:34,496 That cow's fucking head just poofed, just puffed. 887 00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:35,956 Guys, this is not from this worId. 888 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,291 I think it couId be the government. 889 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,710 There are Iots of these kind of prototypes that you find. 890 00:39:39,836 --> 00:39:41,628 It's aIways the government. 891 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,213 I don't disagree that there couId be a government. . . 892 00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:45,674 or an aIien or where governments and aIiens connect. 893 00:39:45,759 --> 00:39:48,052 Get the fuck out of here, man. They're not aIiens. 894 00:39:48,136 --> 00:39:50,012 EVAN: I think you're paranoid. I'm not paranoid. 895 00:39:50,096 --> 00:39:51,388 Everything's on the tabIe. 896 00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:54,141 It was probabIy on the way to the Mac Store and feII off the truck. 897 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:57,269 This is Iike a magicaI 8-BaII, bowIing baII that bIows shit up. 898 00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,771 I'm trying to find a kiIIer, here. 899 00:39:58,855 --> 00:40:00,272 Right. A kiIIer aIien. 900 00:40:00,356 --> 00:40:02,733 Somebody kiIIed Antonio, okay? I don't know if they're an aIien. 901 00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,902 I don't know if it was an octopus. I don't know what it was. . . 902 00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:07,071 or who it was, but this has something to do with it, right? 903 00:40:07,197 --> 00:40:09,114 Yes. That's a yes. 904 00:40:09,199 --> 00:40:10,282 We don't know what it is. 905 00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:11,408 That's a correct as weII. 906 00:40:11,493 --> 00:40:13,577 It's the same goo that was on Antonio's body. 907 00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:15,329 This is information you're sharing and I'II say "yes" to it. 908 00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:16,622 The goo was on the car. 909 00:40:16,706 --> 00:40:17,873 The orb was near the car. 910 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,249 Let's caII her Lucy. 911 00:40:19,334 --> 00:40:20,918 The second after we find. . . 912 00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:22,044 BOTH: Lucy. . . 913 00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:25,672 who kicks us off his property? Crazy oId guy with a shotgun. 914 00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:27,257 Why did he want us off his property? 915 00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:29,676 Why did he not want us near the baII or the goo? 916 00:40:29,761 --> 00:40:30,803 We have got to kick his tires. 917 00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:32,179 There's something we have to figure out. 918 00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:35,432 I think we dress FrankIin up as a girI named Francesca. 919 00:40:35,517 --> 00:40:37,267 He goes to the door as a saIesman 920 00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:38,685 because they'II suspect him any other way. 921 00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:40,270 He's pretty enough. I'm Iistening. 922 00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,148 He's an attractive guy and he has the features where he can fooI them. 923 00:40:43,233 --> 00:40:44,399 Feminine features. 924 00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:46,860 We put FrankIin in a costume to befriend the oId man. 925 00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:49,947 He Iets FrankIin in the house. Boom, he's in ! 926 00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:51,949 Now it's inteI, he's under the radar. 927 00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:53,867 It's an attractive Iady showing up. 928 00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:56,620 His Iiver-spotted hands are going to want to caress her. 929 00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:58,247 Can I teII you something, Bob? 930 00:40:58,331 --> 00:40:59,331 BOB: Mmm? 931 00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,541 That couId work. 932 00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:01,625 Yes! 933 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,293 FRANKLIN: Here's the thing. FinaIIy! 934 00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:05,379 I'm not going to go past second with this oId guy. . . 935 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,547 but if I have to, I wiII. 936 00:41:06,714 --> 00:41:09,299 I think it's important we get reaIIy confirmed. . . 937 00:41:09,384 --> 00:41:11,051 on what you're prepared to do, so it's not a new thing. 938 00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:13,804 I wiII use both hands. I won't use a mouth. 939 00:41:13,888 --> 00:41:15,806 He may use his hands and may not use his mouth. 940 00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,517 I think you got to make it aII go down before you get found out. 941 00:41:18,601 --> 00:41:19,810 What's the best case on this one? 942 00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:20,978 Here's the best case scenario. 943 00:41:21,062 --> 00:41:22,813 He's a IoneIy oId man, he wants to waItz. 944 00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:25,232 He wants to Iisten to some of the oId songs from his chiIdhood. 945 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,818 Worst case scenario, you're getting fucked in the ass. 946 00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:29,570 Either way, we're going to find out who this oId guy is. 947 00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:31,864 Either way, we're going to get invoIved in this guy's Iife. 948 00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,158 Here's the pressing question. What do we do with this? 949 00:41:34,242 --> 00:41:35,492 We don't give it to the cops. 950 00:41:35,577 --> 00:41:38,370 Agreed. This is ours, no one hears about it. 951 00:41:38,454 --> 00:41:39,997 We keep it a Neighborhood Watch secret. 952 00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,373 Cheers. We're in the game. 953 00:41:41,457 --> 00:41:42,666 To the Watch. 954 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:43,792 Boom ! 955 00:41:47,922 --> 00:41:49,131 (SIGHS) 956 00:41:56,806 --> 00:41:57,848 Ew. 957 00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:26,293 "OMG, Mandy's party is so awesome." 958 00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:27,628 Good for Mandy. 959 00:42:29,672 --> 00:42:31,798 Fricking kidding me, right? 960 00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:33,592 (CROWD CHEERING) 961 00:42:41,643 --> 00:42:43,644 CheIsea! 962 00:42:44,312 --> 00:42:45,354 Dad, what the eff! 963 00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,856 Don't "eff" me. Who's this boy toy named Jason? 964 00:42:48,024 --> 00:42:49,066 Boy toy? 965 00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:50,150 What's his toy story? 966 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:53,278 Wait, were you creeping on my Facebook again? 967 00:42:53,363 --> 00:42:54,446 Are you kidding me? 968 00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:57,282 You're going to Iet some guy carwash the inside of your mouth. . . 969 00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,910 with his tongue, and then you're going to post it on the Internet? 970 00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:02,913 Stop Internet-staIking me, okay? Just get out of my room. 971 00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,249 You don't see me and your mom posting our sessions on the Internet? 972 00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:06,458 Ew! That's disgusting ! 973 00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:08,043 How do you think that makes me feeI? It is disgusting. 974 00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:09,628 You keep your tongue in your mouth. 975 00:43:09,712 --> 00:43:11,588 And what's going on with this coIIage? 976 00:43:11,673 --> 00:43:14,007 This is moving in the direction of strippers on spring break. 977 00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:16,051 That's a coIIage of my friends, Dad. 978 00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:17,219 The whoIe thing is uncomfortabIe. 979 00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:18,804 I'm not comfortabIe with what's going on, CheIsea. 980 00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:20,472 If you're uncomfortabIe, then get out! 981 00:43:20,556 --> 00:43:22,307 Sex is for Iove. 982 00:43:22,684 --> 00:43:24,017 "Sex is for Iove." 983 00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,727 Here's what's happening now, the video is off. 984 00:43:25,853 --> 00:43:27,437 Okay, Dad, I'm going to get the video off. 985 00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,356 We got a probIem. Okay, pIease, get out. 986 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,066 Houston, we have a probIem. 987 00:43:31,150 --> 00:43:33,110 That's good. ReaIIy productive conversation. 988 00:43:33,194 --> 00:43:34,861 We shouId do more of it. 989 00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,783 Right on the edge. 990 00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:42,327 You're right on the edge. 991 00:44:00,221 --> 00:44:02,222 (SIGHS) (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 992 00:44:08,021 --> 00:44:11,606 (SINGING) You and tequila make me crazy 993 00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:13,650 Hey. Hey, buddy. 994 00:44:13,735 --> 00:44:15,402 Come on, I saved a seat for you. 995 00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:17,571 You said you were desperate. 996 00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:18,905 Here, take a Ioad off. 997 00:44:19,073 --> 00:44:21,241 Look, I know we're trying to catch the Costco kiIIer, but. . . 998 00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:23,118 it's good to have an honest heart-to-heart 999 00:44:23,202 --> 00:44:25,579 with just a coupIe of guys, right? 1000 00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:29,708 There's my boy. Bring it down here. Get in here. 1001 00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:33,128 It's aII about honesty, right? Mmm. 1002 00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,629 I've been being honest with my daughter, 1003 00:44:34,714 --> 00:44:37,257 I don't think she wants to hear it. (CHUCKLES) 1004 00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:39,384 My wife's been traveIIing so much for work. . . 1005 00:44:39,469 --> 00:44:42,471 that a Iot of the parenting stuff has faIIen on me IateIy. 1006 00:44:42,764 --> 00:44:44,056 How about you? 1007 00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:47,517 When are you going to take the pIunge and knock a few out? 1008 00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,645 It's not that simpIe. 1009 00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:54,191 WeII, it's about as simpIe as putting your dick in a vagina. 1010 00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:55,776 You know what I mean? Make it happen. 1011 00:44:56,069 --> 00:44:59,154 WeII, I reaIIy don't have a choice. 1012 00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,617 It turns out that my gun. . . 1013 00:45:03,826 --> 00:45:07,537 doesn't reaIIy. . . shoot too weII. 1014 00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:08,789 Gun? 1015 00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,207 You mean your prick? 1016 00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,626 Why are you saying "gun"? It's just two guys, sitting on a bench. 1017 00:45:12,710 --> 00:45:15,295 You can say it. Say "prick," say "cock." Just say "prick." 1018 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:17,672 Anyway, then you take a coupIe of those bIue bombers. 1019 00:45:17,757 --> 00:45:19,132 You got to get that whang nice and stiff. 1020 00:45:19,217 --> 00:45:20,884 It'II get you aII monstered up. Oh, it wiII. 1021 00:45:20,968 --> 00:45:22,677 And then you'II be fucking Iike a champ in no time. 1022 00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:24,805 I know a guy that'II give you some, and I got some from Mexico-- 1023 00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,890 That's not the probIem. 1024 00:45:26,974 --> 00:45:28,266 I'II get you some of those Mexican bombs. 1025 00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:31,686 I can do everything. It's just that. . . 1026 00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:35,690 About a year and a haIf ago. . . 1027 00:45:35,775 --> 00:45:36,775 Okay. 1028 00:45:36,859 --> 00:45:39,236 . . .Abby and I started trying to have kids. 1029 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,654 And nothing was happening. 1030 00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:44,908 So, on my own, I went to see this doctor to get my sperm checked. 1031 00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:46,201 I've aIways wondered about that. 1032 00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,245 I've had a curiosity, if you don't mind. 1033 00:45:48,329 --> 00:45:50,330 When you go to one of those doctors. . . 1034 00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:53,792 do you jerk yourseIf off, or does the doctor jerk you off? 1035 00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:54,918 Or an assistant? 1036 00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,253 Is it Iike a massage parIor? 1037 00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:57,587 Or do they have a medicaI machine 1038 00:45:57,672 --> 00:45:58,922 that does the miIking for you? 1039 00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:00,590 Like, miIks you Iike an animaI. 1040 00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:04,386 I'm asking how you get the cum out of you. 1041 00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:06,263 I. . . They do it. 1042 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:08,473 No, I jerk me off. 1043 00:46:08,558 --> 00:46:09,599 Okay. 1044 00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:13,895 Doesn't matter. The point is, I went, I got tested. 1045 00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:17,732 And. . . no go. 1046 00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:20,444 I'm shooting bIanks. 1047 00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:23,989 I couId shoot a bucketfuI, it wouId make no difference. 1048 00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:27,576 The doctor's actuaI words. "A bucketfuI." 1049 00:46:28,077 --> 00:46:29,911 It's because of me we can't have kids. 1050 00:46:30,371 --> 00:46:32,038 Just me. 1051 00:46:33,124 --> 00:46:34,624 I didn't reaIize that that's such a big deaI. 1052 00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:38,128 I mean, it's 201 2. Can't you just get a baII transpIant? 1053 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:41,965 Yeah, I don't think the science is there yet. 1054 00:46:42,216 --> 00:46:44,718 What did the oId Iady say when you toId her? 1055 00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:50,807 Evaroony, don't teII me that you haven't taIked to her about it. 1056 00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,561 What am I going to say? 1057 00:46:55,396 --> 00:46:56,980 "Hey, honey, guess what. 1058 00:46:57,982 --> 00:47:02,569 "The one thing you want most in the worId, I can't give you." 1059 00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:05,739 Evan, you Iisten to me. 1060 00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:07,949 You taIk to Abby. 1061 00:47:08,618 --> 00:47:10,285 She married you. 1062 00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:13,413 Not your dead jizz. 1063 00:47:14,749 --> 00:47:16,082 Thanks. (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1064 00:47:21,047 --> 00:47:22,047 Evan Trautwig. 1065 00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:23,840 This is Manfred Salisbury. 1066 00:47:23,925 --> 00:47:25,675 Are you on my roof? What? 1067 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:29,012 There is somebody on my roof, jumping around like a maniac. 1068 00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:30,555 ls that one of you idiots? 1069 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,182 It most certainIy is not. 1070 00:47:32,767 --> 00:47:35,352 PIease, just hang tight, Mr. SaIisbury, we'II be right there. 1071 00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:36,978 Yeah, l bet you will. 1072 00:47:37,063 --> 00:47:39,940 We have to get to Manfred's. CaII the Watch, come on. 1073 00:47:50,284 --> 00:47:51,326 Nobody's here. 1074 00:47:52,662 --> 00:47:53,787 SeriousIy? 1075 00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:55,247 Did you see anybody on the roof? 1076 00:47:55,331 --> 00:47:56,373 No. 1077 00:47:56,457 --> 00:47:57,874 Okay, we shouId fan out. 1078 00:47:57,959 --> 00:47:59,417 FrankIin, you and Bob get in the car. 1079 00:47:59,502 --> 00:48:01,002 Check the bIock, see if you get any action. 1080 00:48:01,087 --> 00:48:03,046 Jamarcus and I wiII go around back. Okay. 1081 00:48:03,130 --> 00:48:04,381 Got it. 1082 00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,632 Good. 1083 00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:08,969 Hey, guys, Iet's stay focused. We're in the fieId, right? 1084 00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:10,053 Okay. 1085 00:48:10,137 --> 00:48:11,555 N.W. 1086 00:48:19,105 --> 00:48:20,564 (OWL HOOTING) 1087 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:22,440 (ANIMAL HOWLING) 1088 00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:26,236 (CELL PHONE RINGING) Shh. 1089 00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:28,780 Hear that? 1090 00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:39,499 This is Manfred's. 1091 00:48:40,001 --> 00:48:41,251 This is not good. 1092 00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:42,335 (RUSTLING) 1093 00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,592 (WHISPERING) What is that? 1094 00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:50,051 I don't know. 1095 00:48:52,430 --> 00:48:54,139 (SOFT GROWL) 1096 00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:00,770 Oh, my God. 1097 00:49:00,855 --> 00:49:04,232 Evan, we shouId run for our Iives. 1098 00:49:08,529 --> 00:49:09,696 We shouId go up to it. 1099 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:12,532 Why wouId we go up to it? We shouId go. 1100 00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:14,701 EVAN: It Iooks scared. 1101 00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:18,288 Maybe he's injured. Maybe that's what we hit in the car. 1102 00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:21,958 Yeah, and maybe it's reaIIy pissed off about it and is going to eat us. 1103 00:49:22,043 --> 00:49:24,711 OnIy one way to find out. 1104 00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:27,714 Come on. 1105 00:49:28,257 --> 00:49:29,591 Evan. 1106 00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:33,887 (HUMMING) 1107 00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,142 Evan, what the fuck are you doing? 1108 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,561 EVAN: It obviousIy doesn't understand our Ianguage. 1109 00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:46,149 I'm making friendIy tones to show it that we mean no harm. 1110 00:49:46,901 --> 00:49:51,279 (SINGING) HeIIo 1111 00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:53,740 Wow. 1112 00:49:53,908 --> 00:49:55,241 Oh, no. 1113 00:49:58,621 --> 00:50:06,002 I see you. 1114 00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,754 Hungry? 1115 00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:11,216 Food? 1116 00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,301 Gum. 1117 00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,846 It's okay. You just chew it. 1118 00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:20,934 You want some? 1119 00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:27,273 (SINGING) Gum, gum, gum for you 1120 00:50:35,366 --> 00:50:37,784 He Iikes it. Jamarcus, he Iikes it. 1121 00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:39,703 Everyone Iikes gum. Let's go. 1122 00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:41,162 He's digging something. 1123 00:50:41,330 --> 00:50:43,707 He's got something he wants to show us. 1124 00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,792 Want to share your gift, huh? 1125 00:50:48,629 --> 00:50:51,381 Oh, mother of fuck! 1126 00:50:55,261 --> 00:50:56,803 (GROWLS) 1127 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,012 (SCREAMS) 1128 00:51:03,811 --> 00:51:05,186 Jamarcus, what are you doing? 1129 00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:07,021 Run, man ! 1130 00:51:08,399 --> 00:51:09,649 Run ! 1131 00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:20,160 Fucker! 1132 00:51:21,662 --> 00:51:23,329 Oh, shit! 1133 00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:26,291 Jesus! 1134 00:51:26,876 --> 00:51:28,877 Are you okay? 1135 00:51:29,336 --> 00:51:31,755 That was reaIIy stressfuI. 1136 00:51:32,423 --> 00:51:34,215 EVAN: I think I kiIIed it. 1137 00:51:35,384 --> 00:51:36,593 BOB: What's going on here? 1138 00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:38,595 GentIemen, we formed the Neighborhood Watch. . . 1139 00:51:38,679 --> 00:51:40,597 with a very specific task. 1140 00:51:40,848 --> 00:51:43,850 To find the murderer of my friend, Antonio Guzman. 1141 00:51:44,393 --> 00:51:46,978 WeII, tonight, I say to you. . . 1142 00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:50,690 HoIy shit! 1143 00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:52,275 Jesus Christ! 1144 00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:53,610 What the fuck is that? 1145 00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:55,528 It's an aIien. 1146 00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,864 It kiIIed Manfred, then it tried to kiII Jamarcus. 1147 00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,283 I came up and naiIed it with a garden gnome. . . 1148 00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,452 and it cracked its neck, and it's dead. 1149 00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:03,953 This is fucking insane. 1150 00:52:04,038 --> 00:52:06,456 I know, we tried to find a kiIIer, but guess what? 1151 00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:07,957 We found a fricking aIien. 1152 00:52:08,417 --> 00:52:10,919 It touches it and it feeIs it. Ugh. 1153 00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:15,381 This inteIIigent, sentient being. . . 1154 00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:20,261 traveIIed untoId Iight years to come and visit our pIanet. 1155 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:22,347 And you kiIIed him. 1156 00:52:24,266 --> 00:52:26,643 Nice! Evan, yeah ! 1157 00:52:27,603 --> 00:52:28,645 He kiIIed it. 1158 00:52:28,729 --> 00:52:30,021 HoIy shit. 1159 00:52:30,105 --> 00:52:33,066 Screw the poIice department. I'II get into the CIA for this. 1160 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,026 I think we shouId sIow down, keep this quiet. 1161 00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,153 Or 1 00 miIes an hour and reaIIy Ioud, 1162 00:52:37,238 --> 00:52:38,613 because you're Iooking at an aIien. 1163 00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:41,241 I'm thinking about T-shirts, merchandising, movie deaIs. 1164 00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,743 My mind's going crazy with this thing, here. 1165 00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,870 Who wants a snapper with the aIien? I do. 1166 00:52:45,955 --> 00:52:48,665 Let's go, bitches. I don't want to put pressure on you. . . 1167 00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,583 but it's the first historicaI picture of anyone with an aIien. 1168 00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:52,168 So, whatever that means to you. Here we go. 1169 00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:53,837 Ready? And we're bringing it. 1170 00:52:53,921 --> 00:52:56,089 Let me share in the sunshine. Somebody get in here. 1171 00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:57,173 (CENTERFOLD PLAYING) 1172 00:52:57,258 --> 00:52:58,258 Does she walk? Does she talk? 1173 00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:00,009 Does she come complete? 1174 00:53:00,094 --> 00:53:02,178 The memory of my angel 1175 00:53:02,263 --> 00:53:03,972 Could never cause me pain 1176 00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:06,057 My blood runs cold 1177 00:53:06,141 --> 00:53:08,476 My memory has just been sold 1178 00:53:08,561 --> 00:53:10,728 My angel is the centerfold 1179 00:53:10,813 --> 00:53:12,856 Angel is the centerfold 1180 00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:20,905 Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na 1181 00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:22,615 Yeah. Put your dick on its shouIder. 1182 00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:24,951 Boom ! 1183 00:53:25,578 --> 00:53:28,037 Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na 1184 00:53:28,122 --> 00:53:29,080 (MAKE lT LAST FOREVER PLAYING) 1185 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:31,416 Make it last forever 1186 00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:33,459 Ever 1187 00:53:34,378 --> 00:53:38,089 Don't let our love end 1188 00:53:38,173 --> 00:53:39,549 (LAUGHS) 1189 00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:42,552 Make it last forever 1190 00:53:42,636 --> 00:53:44,262 And ever... 1191 00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:47,390 (GROWLS) Ahh ! 1192 00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:52,520 (ALL SCREAMING) 1193 00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:07,827 (GASPING) 1194 00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:09,746 Oh, my God ! 1195 00:54:10,664 --> 00:54:11,998 Bob, the pooI baIIs aren't hurting him ! 1196 00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,333 FrankIin, you have to hit him. 1197 00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,001 JAMARCUS: This is bad aim. Fuck! 1198 00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:17,170 PIease don't kiII me! 1199 00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:20,131 What the fuck are you doing, Jamarcus? He's not a bumbIe-bee! 1200 00:54:20,215 --> 00:54:22,759 Evan, heIp! He's going to kiII me, man. I don't know what to do! 1201 00:54:22,843 --> 00:54:24,010 (YELLS) 1202 00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:29,974 (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) 1203 00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:35,855 Oh, my God ! Oh, my God ! 1204 00:54:35,940 --> 00:54:37,023 He's going to eat my face! 1205 00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:38,483 (FRANKLIN WHIMPERING) 1206 00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:41,945 He's getting goo in my mouth ! 1207 00:54:43,155 --> 00:54:44,572 (SNARLING) 1208 00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:46,908 (GRUNTING) 1209 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:49,202 FrankIin, Jamarcus! 1210 00:54:50,371 --> 00:54:51,496 We got him. 1211 00:54:54,291 --> 00:54:57,043 I can taste the fucking goo! 1212 00:54:57,211 --> 00:54:59,754 That's right, give up. Just go to sIeep. 1213 00:54:59,838 --> 00:55:01,297 (SHUSHING) 1214 00:55:01,382 --> 00:55:02,966 ReIax. You go to sIeep. 1215 00:55:03,050 --> 00:55:06,803 We are aIready among you. 1216 00:55:06,887 --> 00:55:08,012 (ALL SCREAM) 1217 00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:16,562 (ALL GROANING) 1218 00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:19,899 What the fuck was that? 1219 00:55:20,401 --> 00:55:22,694 You can forget about the damn merchandising pIay. 1220 00:55:22,778 --> 00:55:24,320 Is everyone aII right? 1221 00:55:24,405 --> 00:55:26,239 Fucking aIien came on my face. 1222 00:55:26,407 --> 00:55:27,824 (GROANS) Ow! 1223 00:55:29,201 --> 00:55:30,660 FRANKLIN: Did you hear that thing? 1224 00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:34,664 "We are among you." What does that mean? 1225 00:55:34,832 --> 00:55:37,417 It means there's more of those damn things out there. 1226 00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,294 Oh, my God. 1227 00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:41,879 That's why they take the skins. 1228 00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:45,216 To wear them. 1229 00:55:45,759 --> 00:55:47,552 They're among us. 1230 00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:49,387 Oh, fucking great. 1231 00:55:49,555 --> 00:55:51,931 And that damn thing's been to my house, he knows where I Iive. 1232 00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:54,434 I think if that thing had wanted us dead, we'd be dead, Bob. 1233 00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:57,520 So, we don't know who is and who isn't an aIien. 1234 00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:00,857 Bressman's one of them, I guarantee it, 1 000 percent. 1235 00:56:00,941 --> 00:56:02,025 Yeah, we shouId keep this quiet 1236 00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,901 untiI we find out who we can trust. 1237 00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,946 Right now, we can't trust anybody. 1238 00:56:07,031 --> 00:56:08,031 (PEOPLE ARE STRANGE PLAYING) 1239 00:56:08,115 --> 00:56:11,617 People are strange when you're a stranger 1240 00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:13,786 Faces look ugly when you're alone 1241 00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:15,038 (YELPS) 1242 00:56:15,122 --> 00:56:18,750 What are you doing? Back off. 1243 00:56:19,501 --> 00:56:22,837 Streets are uneven when you're down 1244 00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:25,256 When you're strange 1245 00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:28,634 Faces come out of the rain 1246 00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:31,137 When you're strange 1247 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:34,390 No one remembers your name 1248 00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:40,855 When you're strange 1249 00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:46,611 People are strange when you're a stranger 1250 00:56:46,695 --> 00:56:50,406 Faces look ugly when you're alone 1251 00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:54,118 Women seem wicked when you're unwanted 1252 00:56:54,203 --> 00:56:57,914 Streets are uneven when you're down 1253 00:56:57,998 --> 00:56:59,999 When you're strange 1254 00:57:00,084 --> 00:57:03,086 Faces come out of the rain 1255 00:57:03,170 --> 00:57:10,259 When you're strange 1256 00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:13,262 Have you guys been sIeeping? 1257 00:57:14,389 --> 00:57:17,266 I haven't sIept at aII. I'm not deaIing with this weII. 1258 00:57:17,351 --> 00:57:19,977 Anyone of these peopIe couId be an aIien. 1259 00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:24,857 Check her out. 1260 00:57:25,150 --> 00:57:28,027 It's Iike she's studying some new discovery or something. 1261 00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:34,367 Some strange object. Some weird, bizarre human. . . circIe-fruit. 1262 00:57:34,701 --> 00:57:37,286 Looks Iike she's thinking, "Can I ingest this? 1263 00:57:37,454 --> 00:57:40,206 "ShouId I put it in my fIavor snout?" 1264 00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:42,542 Look at this piece of shit over here. 1265 00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:46,337 That aIien hasn't Iearned how to eat properIy yet. 1266 00:57:47,464 --> 00:57:50,216 He's so primitive. So cIumsy. 1267 00:57:51,051 --> 00:57:52,218 So dangerous. 1268 00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:58,432 There's that motherfucking Jason kid. 1269 00:57:58,517 --> 00:58:00,726 That's the kid that's aII over CheIsea's Facebook page. 1270 00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,772 Magnums? There's no way your dick's that big ! 1271 00:58:04,857 --> 00:58:05,857 Hey, hey, hey. 1272 00:58:06,316 --> 00:58:08,818 Bob. It's a famiIy store. 1273 00:58:08,902 --> 00:58:10,653 There's no way his dick's that big, 1274 00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:11,946 that he needs to buy that shit. 1275 00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:13,656 Some peopIe's are that big. 1276 00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,408 Otherwise they wouIdn't seII condoms Iike that. 1277 00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:16,951 He's right. They're a big seIIer. 1278 00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:18,828 I swear to God, I'm going to rip his dick off. 1279 00:58:18,912 --> 00:58:20,663 You're going to need two hands, Bobby. 1280 00:58:21,373 --> 00:58:22,832 HeIIo there, neighbor. (YELLS) 1281 00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:24,250 Jesus! (LAUGHS) 1282 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,460 I'm so sorry, did I startIe you? 1283 00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:28,504 It's good for you, though. 1284 00:58:28,589 --> 00:58:31,507 It gets the heart racing and I know you Iike to stay fit. 1285 00:58:31,925 --> 00:58:34,677 In any case, I just moseyed on over here. . . 1286 00:58:34,761 --> 00:58:39,765 to invite you to a IittIe bit of a gathering I'm having at my home. 1287 00:58:39,892 --> 00:58:44,687 A Iot of interesting characters wiII be in attendance. . . 1288 00:58:44,771 --> 00:58:48,733 and I think you might be interested in them. 1289 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:51,444 Um. . . 1290 00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:53,863 I'II think about it. 1291 00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:57,325 Don't think about it too Iong, because before you know it. . . 1292 00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:58,826 (IMITATES POP) 1293 00:58:58,911 --> 00:59:00,536 Life's over. 1294 00:59:01,121 --> 00:59:03,080 Isn't that the truth? 1295 00:59:09,630 --> 00:59:12,048 HoIy shit! 1296 00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,467 He's one of them. 1297 00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:17,386 I can't beIieve I didn't figure it out earIier. 1298 00:59:17,471 --> 00:59:19,972 He's so creepy. He's been spying on me. 1299 00:59:20,182 --> 00:59:24,101 He said I had nice skin the other night. Get it? Skin. 1300 00:59:24,478 --> 00:59:26,562 You have incredibIe skin. You don't have to brag about it. 1301 00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:28,731 No, the aIiens rip off the skin. 1302 00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,524 Did you see aII the batteries that guy bought? 1303 00:59:30,651 --> 00:59:33,361 Nobody needs that many batteries. 1304 00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:34,820 Nobody from Earth, that is. 1305 00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:39,450 He said before we know it, Iife ends. 1306 00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:41,410 Maybe he thinks you're getting kind of cIose. . . 1307 00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:43,120 and he wants to take you out. 1308 00:59:43,205 --> 00:59:44,622 This is what it's about. Tonight. 1309 00:59:44,706 --> 00:59:46,749 This is why we formed the Neighborhood Watch. 1310 00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:50,836 I just have to grab my jacket. 1311 00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:56,092 Oh. Thank goodness. It's the Ieader of the Neighborhood Watch. 1312 00:59:56,176 --> 00:59:57,260 Abby, what the fuck? 1313 00:59:57,511 --> 00:59:59,053 I'm forming a IittIe cIub, too, 1314 00:59:59,137 --> 01:00:00,638 and it's onIy got one opening. . . 1315 01:00:00,722 --> 01:00:02,598 . . .and it needs to be fiIIed. Do you have any water? 1316 01:00:02,683 --> 01:00:03,641 (GASPS) Oh, my God ! 1317 01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,393 No. Go out, go out! (MEN EXCLAIMING) 1318 01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:07,186 FRANKLIN: Is that Mrs. Evan? 1319 01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:09,355 Is that your jacket? That's your wife? 1320 01:00:09,439 --> 01:00:11,482 It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Trautwig. I'm FrankIin. 1321 01:00:11,566 --> 01:00:13,025 I'm a dear friend of Evan's. 1322 01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:14,402 EVAN: She doesn't care. 1323 01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:18,447 What? You're starting a cIub, you want me to fiII your hoIe? 1324 01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:20,199 What's going on? Are you making fun of me? 1325 01:00:20,284 --> 01:00:22,118 Honey, I'm not making fun of you. You Iook awesome. 1326 01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:25,037 It's just the timing is weird. 1327 01:00:25,122 --> 01:00:28,207 No, what's weird is that I have to make an appointment. . . 1328 01:00:28,292 --> 01:00:30,001 to have sex with my husband. No you don't. 1329 01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,962 And then he forgets and brings a bunch of weird dudes over. 1330 01:00:33,046 --> 01:00:35,965 That IittIe one saw everything. Evan, come on ! 1331 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:38,676 I'm sorry. I forgot, I'm sorry. 1332 01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:40,970 Yeah. You forgot. 1333 01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:43,055 BOB: Give her some truth, paI. She needs it. 1334 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:44,557 What? What is that? 1335 01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:46,142 BOB: Be that truth-teIIer, brother. 1336 01:00:46,226 --> 01:00:47,560 I have no idea. 1337 01:00:48,103 --> 01:00:51,188 I don't even care. Just. . . here. 1338 01:00:51,273 --> 01:00:53,607 Go pIay with your friends. Take your stupid jacket and go. 1339 01:00:53,692 --> 01:00:56,027 PIease beIieve me, there are forces greater 1340 01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,653 than what we're taIking about here. . . 1341 01:00:57,738 --> 01:00:59,071 that I can't expIain to you. 1342 01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,365 That I promise I wiII expIain to you at a certain point. . . 1343 01:01:01,450 --> 01:01:02,658 but it can't be right now. 1344 01:01:02,743 --> 01:01:04,035 Go! I'm sorry. 1345 01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:05,703 Honey, if I. . . 1346 01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,000 Come on. 1347 01:01:23,722 --> 01:01:24,889 (POPS) 1348 01:01:30,395 --> 01:01:33,439 Hey, it's beer. 1349 01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:35,983 Are you serious? Do you want some? 1350 01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:38,110 Here we go. Someone's coming. 1351 01:01:41,948 --> 01:01:43,032 Do you see that? 1352 01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:45,451 We don't know what that is, but that's a coupIe. 1353 01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:47,078 (DOOR OPENS) 1354 01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:54,668 Guys. . . 1355 01:01:55,212 --> 01:01:58,130 I definiteIy smeII aIien aII over this thing. 1356 01:01:58,215 --> 01:01:59,215 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1357 01:01:59,299 --> 01:02:00,424 Bob, vibrate. 1358 01:02:00,509 --> 01:02:02,301 It'II be one second. Hang on, one second. 1359 01:02:02,386 --> 01:02:04,470 HeIIo? What? 1360 01:02:05,138 --> 01:02:06,806 Are her parents going to be there? 1361 01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:09,225 AbsoIuteIy not! What the heII are you taIking about? 1362 01:02:09,393 --> 01:02:10,643 No. (SHUSHING) 1363 01:02:11,186 --> 01:02:14,146 Damn it, guys, I'm sorry. We have to get out of here. Let's go! 1364 01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:17,858 What are you doing? You're going to give away our position. 1365 01:02:18,527 --> 01:02:20,653 Okay, Iisten to me. I have to fiII you in quick. 1366 01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:22,947 CheIsea is on her way to Mandy's house for a party. 1367 01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:24,031 Her parents are not there. 1368 01:02:24,116 --> 01:02:25,908 What I can gather so far from Mandy's Facebook page. . . 1369 01:02:25,992 --> 01:02:26,951 is she's a totaI whore. 1370 01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:28,160 This is going to be a fuII-bIown fuck festivaI. 1371 01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:30,704 There is going to be touching and puIIing. There is going to be cIimaxing. 1372 01:02:30,789 --> 01:02:31,747 CheIsea's going to be there any minute 1373 01:02:31,832 --> 01:02:32,832 and I cannot aIIow that to happen. 1374 01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:33,916 I need you guys to come with me. 1375 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:34,959 We need to put a stop to this. 1376 01:02:35,043 --> 01:02:36,794 Bob, what are you taIking about? 1377 01:02:36,878 --> 01:02:40,548 We are IiteraIIy at the possibIe doorstep of an aIien hive. 1378 01:02:40,841 --> 01:02:42,925 You're right. We have to spIit up for a IittIe bit. 1379 01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:45,177 Jamarky-Mark, you stay with the Evanator. That's right. 1380 01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:47,304 Frankfurter, you come with me. Me and my guy work weII together. 1381 01:02:47,389 --> 01:02:48,764 So fucking far ahead of you, it's not even funny. 1382 01:02:48,849 --> 01:02:50,975 What? No! FrankIin ! 1383 01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:52,768 FrankIin, you're not going anywhere. 1384 01:02:52,853 --> 01:02:55,438 Bob, your daughter is not officiaI business. 1385 01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:58,983 Our mandate is to pursue murderers, and thieves, and aIiens. . . 1386 01:02:59,067 --> 01:03:00,401 and anyone who threatens to tear 1387 01:03:00,485 --> 01:03:02,445 the fabric of this neighborhood apart. 1388 01:03:02,529 --> 01:03:04,947 My mandate, as a father, is to pursue IittIe pricks. . . 1389 01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:07,283 that try to tear the fabric of my daughter's hymen apart. 1390 01:03:07,367 --> 01:03:08,492 Shh ! 1391 01:03:08,577 --> 01:03:11,537 Don't you waIk away. Don't you dare. 1392 01:03:11,621 --> 01:03:13,497 Oh, I dare! 1393 01:03:14,875 --> 01:03:15,916 (CROWS) 1394 01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,668 This sucks! This sucks! 1395 01:03:17,752 --> 01:03:19,378 (CROWS) Shut up! 1396 01:03:19,546 --> 01:03:22,047 I'm a bird. They can't hear me, idiot. 1397 01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:25,217 We're good. Let's go. 1398 01:03:25,927 --> 01:03:27,470 (MAN SCREAMING) 1399 01:03:37,230 --> 01:03:39,899 It sounds Iike somebody's getting ripped apart in there. 1400 01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:42,902 SmeIIs funky and musty. 1401 01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:44,570 Do you see anything interesting? (BOTH EXCLAIM IN FEAR) 1402 01:03:47,449 --> 01:03:49,283 You okay? Are you okay? 1403 01:03:49,367 --> 01:03:51,035 I'm okay. 1404 01:03:51,286 --> 01:03:52,536 Hi, PauI. 1405 01:03:52,621 --> 01:03:54,121 Hi, Evan. 1406 01:03:54,206 --> 01:03:55,748 Phew! You aII right? 1407 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:57,249 You scared us. 1408 01:03:57,501 --> 01:03:59,126 And who is this mountain of a man? 1409 01:04:00,086 --> 01:04:02,004 My name's Jamarcus. 1410 01:04:02,464 --> 01:04:03,506 Jamarcus. 1411 01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:05,424 ShaII we? 1412 01:04:09,095 --> 01:04:10,179 (GOOD GOOD NIGHT PLAYING) 1413 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,015 Show time like cable Get up on that table 1414 01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:16,060 l love your sexy body And l know you like this paper 1415 01:04:16,144 --> 01:04:18,521 Bottles coming like they got legs on 'em 1416 01:04:18,605 --> 01:04:22,191 The way l kill 'em, man This beat will make 'em wanna call the feds on me 1417 01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:25,194 Good, good night Good, good night, night, night 1418 01:04:25,278 --> 01:04:27,696 Good, good night Good, good night 1419 01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:31,242 Thanks for taking me here. This is erotic as heII. 1420 01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:32,326 (SIGHS) 1421 01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:34,954 Big Bob, you got daughter at 1 2 o'cIock. 1422 01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:36,330 Move to extraction? 1423 01:04:36,414 --> 01:04:37,456 BOB: Stand down, seaI six. 1424 01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:38,791 If we go in there hot, we'II humiIiate her 1425 01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,751 for the rest of her high schooI days. 1426 01:04:40,835 --> 01:04:43,379 Let's just Iay Iow. Just taking in inteI. 1427 01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:45,965 Look, there's that kid from Costco with the big fat dick. 1428 01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:49,051 WaIking around with his massive cock, Iike he owns the joint. 1429 01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:51,136 That shit's just banging against his kneecaps. 1430 01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,055 Twenty bucks that guy's dick dips into the toiIet 1431 01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:54,265 when he takes a shit. 1432 01:04:55,850 --> 01:04:57,393 Whoo! (LAUGHS) 1433 01:04:57,477 --> 01:04:58,477 Hey, girI. 1434 01:04:58,645 --> 01:04:59,687 Uh-oh. 1435 01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:01,480 (GIGGLING) 1436 01:05:03,191 --> 01:05:06,318 Dig that shit! Dig that shit. Who's your daddy? 1437 01:05:06,403 --> 01:05:08,320 I'm her daddy, you piece of shit! 1438 01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:10,406 Come to daddy's bedroom. Okay. 1439 01:05:10,490 --> 01:05:12,157 It's the master bedroom. Ooh ! 1440 01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:13,951 Let's move ass. 1441 01:05:14,035 --> 01:05:16,328 Which way are we going? Down ! Down ! 1442 01:05:16,955 --> 01:05:18,289 Right this way, gentIemen. 1443 01:05:19,291 --> 01:05:22,418 PIease, after you. Thank you, Jamarcus. 1444 01:05:24,546 --> 01:05:25,921 (LOCKING DOOR) 1445 01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:30,134 (CLEARS THROAT) 1446 01:05:30,218 --> 01:05:34,346 It's a nice pIace you got here, PauI. I Iike the paint. 1447 01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:36,348 Thank you, Evan Trautwig. . . 1448 01:05:36,516 --> 01:05:39,393 and aIIow me to pay you a compIiment in kind. 1449 01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:42,396 I see you out there, jogging. . . 1450 01:05:42,564 --> 01:05:45,274 and I often think to myseIf, "My God. 1451 01:05:45,442 --> 01:05:47,359 "What a perfect specimen." 1452 01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:50,195 Excuse me, two perfect specimens. 1453 01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:51,822 GentIemen. . . 1454 01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:55,534 Say goodbye to the worId as you know it. 1455 01:05:56,119 --> 01:05:57,369 (GRUNTS) 1456 01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:59,371 More! 1457 01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:02,416 And say heIIo to paradise. 1458 01:06:04,544 --> 01:06:07,880 WeIcome to the sanctuary of the human spirit, gents. . . 1459 01:06:08,214 --> 01:06:11,383 because tonight is aII about freedom. . . 1460 01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:16,388 and, some about boning. (CHUCKLES) 1461 01:06:16,765 --> 01:06:19,391 I think we soIved the battery mystery. 1462 01:06:20,477 --> 01:06:24,396 Come on in, boys. The water is just right. 1463 01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:26,231 Yeah, the cinematography is unreaI. 1464 01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,400 It's definiteIy going to win Best Picture. 1465 01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:30,027 Switch? Yeah. 1466 01:06:32,656 --> 01:06:34,490 EVAN: This is disgusting. 1467 01:06:34,574 --> 01:06:37,242 It stinks in here. Come on, I was wrong. Let's go. 1468 01:06:37,327 --> 01:06:39,745 Hey, do you mind if I suck on your baIIs? 1469 01:06:40,789 --> 01:06:42,831 I'm going to see how this pIays out. 1470 01:06:42,916 --> 01:06:44,166 I'm going. 1471 01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,085 Oh, here we go. 1472 01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:48,128 I'II get your name in due course. 1473 01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:51,090 (BEAMER, BENZ, OR BENTLEY PLAYING) 1474 01:06:51,174 --> 01:06:52,675 Mr. McAIIister. 1475 01:06:52,759 --> 01:06:55,177 Mandy, this is quite a gathering you got cooking here. 1476 01:06:55,261 --> 01:06:56,512 I'm a IittIe surprised. 1477 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:58,972 It's a IittIe Iate for the chess cIub to be out. 1478 01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:00,224 What have we got here? 1479 01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:01,767 A IittIe weed, a IittIe tequiIa. 1480 01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:03,018 Where's the hard stuff, pussies? 1481 01:07:03,103 --> 01:07:04,937 Are you guys twins? BOTH: Yes. 1482 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:06,897 Oh, my gosh. I can't even teII you guys apart. 1483 01:07:06,981 --> 01:07:10,275 I'm kidding. SIow down. You kids are out of your mind. 1484 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,236 I feeI Iike the three of us just met. . . 1485 01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:13,946 but I feeI Iike I'm the tripIet in a weird way. . . 1486 01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:15,906 but in a sexuaI way. 1487 01:07:15,990 --> 01:07:17,366 Where do we take it from here? 1488 01:07:17,450 --> 01:07:19,660 I'm Iocated about 45 minutes south of here. 1489 01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:20,744 I Iive with my mom. 1490 01:07:20,829 --> 01:07:22,538 I'm not here to break up the party. 1491 01:07:22,622 --> 01:07:24,039 I want you kids to get hopped up, 1492 01:07:24,124 --> 01:07:26,458 but I'm Iooking for a CheIsea McAIIister. 1493 01:07:26,543 --> 01:07:27,918 Anyone here know where she might be? 1494 01:07:28,002 --> 01:07:29,545 You guys know who I'm taIking about, right? 1495 01:07:33,133 --> 01:07:34,425 (MOANING) 1496 01:07:37,137 --> 01:07:39,054 Maybe we shouId go back to the party? 1497 01:07:39,139 --> 01:07:41,849 No. I want to keep doing this. 1498 01:07:43,143 --> 01:07:45,894 Okay, I just think we're going a IittIe fast. 1499 01:07:45,979 --> 01:07:48,105 We're not. This is amazing. 1500 01:07:48,189 --> 01:07:50,941 We shouId keep moving at this exact pace. 1501 01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:53,068 Maybe even a IittIe bit faster. 1502 01:07:53,153 --> 01:07:54,486 SeriousIy, Jason, stop it. 1503 01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:56,739 SeriousIy, CheIsea, I don't want to. 1504 01:07:56,823 --> 01:07:58,866 CheIsea? Dad? 1505 01:07:58,950 --> 01:08:00,659 What are you doing here? What the heII? 1506 01:08:00,744 --> 01:08:02,661 Dude, get out of here. 1507 01:08:03,246 --> 01:08:04,788 Let's just go. Are you okay? 1508 01:08:04,873 --> 01:08:05,956 You're ruining this. 1509 01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:09,084 Catch you Iater, CheIs. 1510 01:08:09,753 --> 01:08:11,336 Oh, shit. 1511 01:08:11,421 --> 01:08:12,755 Hey! 1512 01:08:12,922 --> 01:08:16,800 Hey, jackass. I'm taIking to you, prick! 1513 01:08:16,885 --> 01:08:18,719 You think you're cute, you IittIe fuck! 1514 01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:20,554 Oh, my God ! 1515 01:08:22,432 --> 01:08:24,224 Ouch ! (COUGHING) 1516 01:08:24,684 --> 01:08:27,102 That Iooks Iike a reaI gusher, Bob. 1517 01:08:28,772 --> 01:08:29,980 Come here. 1518 01:08:30,064 --> 01:08:31,064 CHELSEA: Dad ! 1519 01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:32,900 (CROWD GASPS) 1520 01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:34,693 Dad ! 1521 01:08:35,361 --> 01:08:36,445 (GROANS) 1522 01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:39,490 Are you okay, Dad? 1523 01:08:39,574 --> 01:08:41,158 I'm okay, honey. Just stung a IittIe bit. 1524 01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:47,956 You don't fuck with Bob. You show Bob respect. 1525 01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:49,082 (LAUGHS) Okay. 1526 01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:51,376 Bob's my speciaI guy. 1527 01:08:54,964 --> 01:08:57,883 That's right. That just happened. 1528 01:08:57,967 --> 01:08:59,802 You don't teII your parents about this. 1529 01:08:59,886 --> 01:09:01,553 You don't teII your friends about this. 1530 01:09:01,638 --> 01:09:04,139 You write it in your dream journaI, you Iock it up. . . 1531 01:09:04,224 --> 01:09:06,058 and you put it under your piIIow. 1532 01:09:06,226 --> 01:09:09,520 Or I wiII come back here and I wiII kiII each and every one of you. 1533 01:09:11,815 --> 01:09:13,398 Except for those two hot girIs I was taIking to. 1534 01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:15,484 They have my information, pIease have them get in contact with me. 1535 01:09:15,568 --> 01:09:16,568 They seemed great. 1536 01:09:17,403 --> 01:09:19,530 I'm gIad you showed up tonight. I'm sorry. 1537 01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:21,031 It's okay, honey. 1538 01:09:22,075 --> 01:09:23,992 Come on, Iet's go home. Okay. 1539 01:09:35,129 --> 01:09:36,255 I'm okay, honey. 1540 01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:38,340 I think you got it aII. You can put it away. 1541 01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:39,716 You doing aII right? Mmm-hmm. 1542 01:09:39,801 --> 01:09:41,677 Bob, can I taIk to you for a second? 1543 01:09:41,761 --> 01:09:43,512 Yeah, sure. 1544 01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:47,683 Okay, I'II be in in a second. I Iove you so much. 1545 01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:49,226 I Iove you, too. 1546 01:09:52,272 --> 01:09:56,358 I appreciate you showing up. I know it takes a big man to apoIogize. 1547 01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:58,694 What happened back there was not cooI. 1548 01:09:58,778 --> 01:10:00,279 You abandoned your post. 1549 01:10:00,363 --> 01:10:02,614 If that had been an aIien hive, we wouId have been kiIIed. 1550 01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:04,700 So, it wasn't a hive. Where's Jamarcus? 1551 01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:06,410 Jamarcus decided to stay at PauI's. 1552 01:10:06,494 --> 01:10:10,080 And no, it wasn't a hive. It turned out to be a IocaI orgy. 1553 01:10:10,164 --> 01:10:12,332 What? There's an orgy happening, IocaIIy? 1554 01:10:13,001 --> 01:10:14,918 So, you're mad at me for Ieaving an orgy? 1555 01:10:15,003 --> 01:10:17,379 It doesn't matter what it was. The point is, you Ieft us hanging. 1556 01:10:17,463 --> 01:10:18,547 It's the principIe. 1557 01:10:18,631 --> 01:10:21,383 No, the principIe is I went to go heIp my daughter who was in troubIe. 1558 01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:24,761 Evan, you can't be such a controI freak. You're too uptight. 1559 01:10:24,846 --> 01:10:26,388 Yeah, Bob, I'm uptight. 1560 01:10:26,472 --> 01:10:29,975 I'm uptight about the aIiens that are kiIIing peopIe in our neighborhood. 1561 01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,727 That's what I'm uptight about. 1562 01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,061 Neighborhood Watch isn't for peopIe 1563 01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:35,314 who can't handIe their daughter's personaI shit. 1564 01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,316 Did you even hear how you sound right now? 1565 01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:38,984 Why don't you Iook at your own personaI Iife, Evan. . . 1566 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,235 because you don't even have one. 1567 01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:42,946 You don't taIk to your wife. You don't have any friends. 1568 01:10:43,031 --> 01:10:44,615 I have friends. No, you don't, man. 1569 01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:46,825 I have tons of friends. No, you don't. You have cIubs. 1570 01:10:46,910 --> 01:10:48,994 You start these cIubs, and you become a dictator. 1571 01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:50,746 You just boss everyone and you teII them what to do. . . 1572 01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:52,331 because you're running away from what reaIIy matters. 1573 01:10:52,415 --> 01:10:54,833 You don't have the guts to deaI with what's going on in your own home. 1574 01:10:56,836 --> 01:10:58,879 I have the guts to do this. 1575 01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:01,256 You're out of the Watch. 1576 01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,675 You can't throw me out of the Watch. 1577 01:11:04,344 --> 01:11:05,427 I just did. 1578 01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:07,679 Okay, I don't care. I'm going to start my own watch. 1579 01:11:08,056 --> 01:11:10,599 You can't, because there aIready is a watch. So you can't do that. 1580 01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:12,935 Oh, yes, I can start my watch. . . 1581 01:11:13,019 --> 01:11:14,645 because if I'm not in your watch, 1582 01:11:14,729 --> 01:11:16,438 you can't give me ruIes anymore. 1583 01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:18,023 I'm going to keep my own Iogo, too. 1584 01:11:18,107 --> 01:11:19,316 I never Iiked that Iogo, anyway. 1585 01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,527 My Iogo is awesome! My Iogo is Chinese. 1586 01:11:22,612 --> 01:11:24,696 The Chinese understand movement. . . 1587 01:11:24,864 --> 01:11:26,949 and I understand the Chinese. 1588 01:11:27,033 --> 01:11:30,953 I combined fIight with fIames, with a tiger. 1589 01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:32,746 What am I combining, Evan? 1590 01:11:32,956 --> 01:11:36,083 Serenity, optimism, attack. 1591 01:11:38,086 --> 01:11:40,212 FrankIin, Iet's get some pudding inside you. 1592 01:11:40,296 --> 01:11:41,880 FrankIin, you do not go in that house. 1593 01:11:42,382 --> 01:11:45,801 Jesus, Evan, you don't own him. You don't own aII of us. 1594 01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:49,096 FrankIin is his own man. He can make his own decisions. 1595 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:50,847 He can think for himseIf. 1596 01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:52,599 FrankIin, get your fucking ass in the house! 1597 01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:53,976 EVAN: Don't you speak with FrankIin ! 1598 01:11:54,060 --> 01:11:56,395 FrankIin, you stay! FrankIin, stay! 1599 01:11:56,688 --> 01:11:58,063 Come! FrankIin, come. 1600 01:11:58,564 --> 01:11:59,731 Come here. 1601 01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:01,900 Frank. Come here, FrankIin. 1602 01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,904 Come here, FrankIin. FrankIin, Iook at me. 1603 01:12:06,864 --> 01:12:08,073 FrankIin, come on. 1604 01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:10,492 Evan, you're a speciaI friend. . . 1605 01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:14,788 But I Iive here. 1606 01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:25,799 How does it feeI, Evan, to be in a cIub of one? 1607 01:12:34,434 --> 01:12:35,726 (PANTING) 1608 01:12:47,697 --> 01:12:49,531 Maybe he's jacking off too much. 1609 01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:51,658 Like, the weII is dry by the time you get home. 1610 01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:52,868 Ew. Stop. 1611 01:12:52,952 --> 01:12:56,872 Have you noticed any abrasions or signs of stress on his penis? 1612 01:12:56,956 --> 01:12:58,040 Abrasions? No. 1613 01:12:58,124 --> 01:12:59,458 Like, he's puIIing on it too hard? 1614 01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:02,044 (PANTING) 1615 01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:03,628 I'm steriIe. 1616 01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:06,465 Bye-bye. 1617 01:13:08,801 --> 01:13:10,802 Hey, CarIa. Hey. 1618 01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:13,221 Honey, I can't have kids. 1619 01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:15,974 I went to a doctor and got it checked out. 1620 01:13:16,059 --> 01:13:18,310 And I am barren. 1621 01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:20,062 It's me, it's not you. 1622 01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:21,897 It's not the both of us, it's me. 1623 01:13:22,065 --> 01:13:23,607 And I've been trying to teII you, 1624 01:13:23,691 --> 01:13:26,651 but just every time you wanted to have sex. . . 1625 01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:28,570 it was aII I couId think about. 1626 01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:31,406 And I didn't know how to teII you, so. . . 1627 01:13:35,495 --> 01:13:37,496 Why wouIdn't you teII me? 1628 01:13:38,539 --> 01:13:42,709 Isn't that the kind of thing that coupIes figure out together? 1629 01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:47,089 I just knew how much that you wanted this. . . 1630 01:13:49,008 --> 01:13:50,509 and I didn't want to Iet you down. 1631 01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:53,428 Yeah, but I want this. 1632 01:13:53,513 --> 01:13:55,514 More than anything. 1633 01:13:57,558 --> 01:14:01,061 I don't know, we can figure aII that other stuff out. 1634 01:14:02,730 --> 01:14:05,732 AII I ever wanted was for us to be a team. 1635 01:14:06,734 --> 01:14:08,860 That's aII I ever wanted. 1636 01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:11,947 No more secrets, okay? 1637 01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:14,950 ActuaIIy. . . 1638 01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:19,162 There is one more secret. 1639 01:14:20,581 --> 01:14:21,957 Okay. 1640 01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:24,584 (DOORBELL RINGING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1641 01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:28,130 Hey, Evan. 1642 01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:29,798 Jamarcus, now is not a good time. 1643 01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:31,174 WeII, I need to teII you something. 1644 01:14:31,551 --> 01:14:33,385 I know, I just need to be with my wife right now. 1645 01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:34,761 This is more important. 1646 01:14:34,971 --> 01:14:36,221 Whatever it is, it isn't. 1647 01:14:36,389 --> 01:14:39,933 Trust me, we need to get the Neighborhood Watch together now. 1648 01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:41,810 Do you want another one? Is that going to hoId you over? 1649 01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:43,395 I'II eat more pudding if you have more. 1650 01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:48,692 I don't know that I'm open to an apoIogy yet. 1651 01:14:49,235 --> 01:14:50,986 Are you serious? 1652 01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:53,363 Jamarcus, what is going on? 1653 01:14:54,615 --> 01:14:55,657 Oh. 1654 01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:56,783 What the fuck? 1655 01:14:59,287 --> 01:15:01,037 Oh, my God. 1656 01:15:02,290 --> 01:15:03,748 Is that a parIor trick? 1657 01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:06,668 It's okay. It's okay. 1658 01:15:06,836 --> 01:15:08,211 Touch my goo, Bob. 1659 01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:13,842 FeeIs Iike cum. 1660 01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:16,303 HoIy fuck, it feeIs Iike cum ! 1661 01:15:16,387 --> 01:15:17,429 He's a fucking aIien ! 1662 01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:19,347 You stay the fuck back, Jamarcus! 1663 01:15:19,432 --> 01:15:21,224 What the heII is going on? 1664 01:15:21,309 --> 01:15:22,559 FrankIin, I'm not here to hurt you. 1665 01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:25,520 BeIieve me, I've had many chances to kiII you. 1666 01:15:25,605 --> 01:15:26,771 You're one of them? 1667 01:15:28,941 --> 01:15:30,400 You're an aIien? 1668 01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:33,278 Look, our ship came here six months ago. . . 1669 01:15:33,404 --> 01:15:35,030 and we have been hiding ever since. 1670 01:15:35,323 --> 01:15:38,450 We inhabited your human form to infiItrate your society. . . 1671 01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:40,911 and Iearn your weaknesses, but instead-- 1672 01:15:40,995 --> 01:15:43,538 Why is this thing stiII taIking? Let's kiII him. 1673 01:15:43,748 --> 01:15:47,918 Because in a few hours, our transmitter wiII become operationaI. 1674 01:15:48,169 --> 01:15:52,422 When it signaIs, our armada wiII commence a gIobaI invasion. . . 1675 01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:56,468 starting here in GIenview, which is cIearIy not ideaI for you. 1676 01:15:56,636 --> 01:15:57,928 What? Why? 1677 01:15:58,012 --> 01:16:00,096 We're aIiens. That's what we do. 1678 01:16:00,181 --> 01:16:02,974 We come to pIanets, we destroy them, we move on. 1679 01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:04,226 Wait a minute. 1680 01:16:05,478 --> 01:16:06,686 Did you kiII Antonio? 1681 01:16:07,146 --> 01:16:10,899 No! God, of course not. I know who did, his name is FIertrok. 1682 01:16:10,983 --> 01:16:12,984 The man is a fucking cunt. 1683 01:16:13,069 --> 01:16:15,487 Where is this transmitter thing? 1684 01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:19,115 The onIy pIace big enough, with enough power and suppIies. 1685 01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:21,368 Costco? 1686 01:16:21,953 --> 01:16:22,994 Yeah. 1687 01:16:23,079 --> 01:16:26,498 You've been pIanning an aIien invasion in my Costco? 1688 01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:29,542 You reaIIy do have everything we need under one roof. 1689 01:16:29,627 --> 01:16:31,836 Why are you teIIing us this if we don't have any time to stop it? 1690 01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,797 What kind of sick fucking head game are you pIaying? 1691 01:16:33,881 --> 01:16:35,548 WeII, because there's good news. 1692 01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:39,052 If you Ieave now, you wiII survive the initiaI invasion. 1693 01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:40,762 And after that, if you take to the desert 1694 01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:42,847 and Iive in caves and crevices. . . 1695 01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:46,476 you couId Iive with moderate dignity for most of your Iives. 1696 01:16:46,894 --> 01:16:50,105 I don't beIieve a word he's saying. He betrayed the Watch. 1697 01:16:50,273 --> 01:16:51,564 JAMARCUS: Yes, but since then. . . 1698 01:16:51,649 --> 01:16:55,902 I've come to know humanity's compassion and beauty and Iove. 1699 01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:58,238 I don't want to Iie anymore. 1700 01:16:58,656 --> 01:17:00,991 And aIso the baII-sucking was a reaI eye opener. 1701 01:17:01,575 --> 01:17:04,327 Look, I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness. . . 1702 01:17:04,412 --> 01:17:05,620 because I don't deserve it. 1703 01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:08,123 I'm reaIIy sorry. 1704 01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:11,084 Just go. 1705 01:17:11,669 --> 01:17:12,794 Okay. 1706 01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:20,760 PIease, save yourseIves whiIe there's stiII time. 1707 01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:24,389 ABBY: What the heII is happening? 1708 01:17:24,473 --> 01:17:26,308 FRANKLIN: If we don't Ieave here right now, we're going to die. 1709 01:17:26,392 --> 01:17:29,185 Guys, are you actuaIIy taIking about giving up and Ieaving GIenview? 1710 01:17:29,270 --> 01:17:31,938 No, I think we go and aIert the authorities. 1711 01:17:32,023 --> 01:17:33,565 Get as many peopIe out as possibIe. 1712 01:17:33,649 --> 01:17:34,816 And then what? 1713 01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:36,276 And then, I don't know. 1714 01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:38,361 Evan's right. We need to hit the caves. 1715 01:17:38,446 --> 01:17:40,572 Guys, we're not going to Iet GIenview become ground zero. . . 1716 01:17:40,656 --> 01:17:42,824 for an aIien invasion and not do something about it. 1717 01:17:43,284 --> 01:17:45,869 We're the Neighborhood Watch. This is what we do. 1718 01:17:45,953 --> 01:17:47,912 No, Bob, come on. 1719 01:17:47,997 --> 01:17:49,873 It's what we did, or never reaIIy did, 1720 01:17:49,957 --> 01:17:51,082 because we didn't reaIIy do anything. 1721 01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:54,210 UntiI now. I say, tonight we change that. 1722 01:17:54,295 --> 01:17:55,670 Evan, you started the Neighborhood Watch 1723 01:17:55,755 --> 01:17:57,339 because you beIieved in something. 1724 01:17:57,423 --> 01:17:58,757 You beIieved in this town. 1725 01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:01,718 You beIieved in these peopIe. You beIieved in us and I stiII do. 1726 01:18:01,802 --> 01:18:04,012 We're not going to Iet a bunch of aIiens waItz in here. . . 1727 01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:05,764 and do whatever the heII they want to do. 1728 01:18:05,848 --> 01:18:07,682 I say, not on our watch. 1729 01:18:07,767 --> 01:18:10,352 I say, they drew the short straw when they picked GIenview. 1730 01:18:10,436 --> 01:18:12,520 Now, come on, guys. Get your heads right. 1731 01:18:12,605 --> 01:18:15,106 This neighborhood is going to need our best tonight. 1732 01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:20,362 Evan, some aIiens just set up tents in your store. 1733 01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:21,905 What do you want to do about it? 1734 01:18:23,449 --> 01:18:25,700 Costco is for members onIy. 1735 01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:29,412 Let's take out that transmitter. 1736 01:18:29,914 --> 01:18:31,456 Now we're taIking. 1737 01:18:32,208 --> 01:18:35,085 AII right, Watch, this is it. 1738 01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:36,544 Now it gets reaI. 1739 01:18:36,629 --> 01:18:38,296 That's a cute 1 0-miIIi Beretta, Bobby. 1740 01:18:38,672 --> 01:18:41,299 But I say we make a pit stop at my house. 1741 01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:44,469 (l GOT MlNE PLAYING) 1742 01:18:58,734 --> 01:19:00,902 WeIcome to the candy shop, motherfuckers. 1743 01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:02,779 Jesus. Nice. 1744 01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,030 HoIy shit. 1745 01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:05,615 Ladies first. 1746 01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:08,535 This one Iooks cute. 1747 01:19:10,121 --> 01:19:11,454 Cute and deadIy. 1748 01:19:11,580 --> 01:19:12,831 Just Iike me. 1749 01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:13,915 Ew. 1750 01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:16,334 FrankIin, what are you doing? Who are these peopIe? 1751 01:19:16,419 --> 01:19:17,627 And what are you doing with these guns? 1752 01:19:17,711 --> 01:19:20,046 God damn it, Mom. Stay the fuck out of my room ! 1753 01:19:20,131 --> 01:19:23,383 I don't go through your shit. I don't touch your butterfIies. 1754 01:19:23,843 --> 01:19:24,926 Stay the fuck out. 1755 01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,803 Everyone out of my room. Everyone out of my room. 1756 01:19:26,887 --> 01:19:28,680 Everyone Ieave. Everyone out. 1757 01:19:28,764 --> 01:19:30,390 Nice to meet you. 1758 01:19:30,975 --> 01:19:32,684 It was a pIeasure. 1759 01:19:32,852 --> 01:19:34,727 I'm sorry, Mama. I was just trying to impress my friends. 1760 01:19:34,812 --> 01:19:36,521 I was trying to be a big man. 1761 01:19:36,605 --> 01:19:39,732 I Iove you. Stay inside the house tonight, okay? 1762 01:19:41,152 --> 01:19:43,403 You're an angeI. 1763 01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:52,871 ON PHONE: GIenview P.D. This is Sergeant Bressman. 1764 01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:55,665 Bressman, it's Evan Trautwig. Listen to me very carefuIIy. 1765 01:19:55,749 --> 01:19:58,793 There is an aIien invasion happening at the Costco. 1766 01:19:58,878 --> 01:20:01,296 I know it sounds crazy, but you have to get down there right now. 1767 01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:03,673 An alien invasion, really? At Costco? 1768 01:20:03,883 --> 01:20:06,468 Right now? Oh, great, l'm on my way. 1769 01:20:06,552 --> 01:20:10,138 Oh, wait, no, l'm not. l'm still here for some reason. 1770 01:20:10,222 --> 01:20:11,431 Give me the phone. Give me the phone. 1771 01:20:12,433 --> 01:20:14,476 Bressman, you were right. Trautwig is the Costco kiIIer. 1772 01:20:14,560 --> 01:20:16,227 He's going to take us to Costco right now and kiII us. 1773 01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:18,104 You've got to heIp us. (SCREAMS) 1774 01:20:18,898 --> 01:20:20,148 He's coming. ReaIIy? 1775 01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:21,816 Yeah. He beIieved that? 1776 01:20:22,902 --> 01:20:24,402 (TIRES SCREECH) 1777 01:20:39,126 --> 01:20:40,460 Look. 1778 01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:44,714 Oh, my God, that's an aIien. I am Iooking at an aIien. 1779 01:20:44,798 --> 01:20:46,549 I know. It can be a totaI mind-fuck. 1780 01:20:46,634 --> 01:20:48,843 What do we do? Bust in the front door, guns bIazing? 1781 01:20:49,094 --> 01:20:51,179 I Iove the enthusiasm, Frank-n-Beans. . . 1782 01:20:51,472 --> 01:20:53,640 but I think we're going to need a different kind of strategy here. 1783 01:20:54,391 --> 01:20:56,643 There's onIy one way underneath the store. 1784 01:20:56,727 --> 01:20:59,270 It's through the drainage grate in frozen foods. 1785 01:20:59,355 --> 01:21:01,022 When we re-buiIt the tire section. . . 1786 01:21:01,106 --> 01:21:05,693 we put sheIving over the trash chute, but we never seaIed it off. 1787 01:21:07,029 --> 01:21:09,364 Stay behind me. 1788 01:21:12,326 --> 01:21:13,910 BOB: Let's go. 1789 01:21:16,997 --> 01:21:20,750 Pop this bitch open. I'II cover you. 1790 01:21:22,836 --> 01:21:24,379 Let's go, guys. Let's go. 1791 01:21:25,339 --> 01:21:27,173 I can't. Shh ! 1792 01:21:28,425 --> 01:21:29,801 Do you have naiIs? Do you have naiIs? 1793 01:21:49,989 --> 01:21:51,114 (BEEPS) 1794 01:21:51,198 --> 01:21:53,658 BOB: (ON RADIO) He's guarding the grate. Are you guys in position? 1795 01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:55,827 In position. 1796 01:21:56,537 --> 01:21:58,329 This is exciting. 1797 01:21:58,539 --> 01:21:59,914 Okay. 1798 01:21:59,999 --> 01:22:01,291 AII right, we shoot him on three. 1799 01:22:01,375 --> 01:22:03,334 I repeat. Shoot on three. 1800 01:22:03,419 --> 01:22:04,419 One. 1801 01:22:04,503 --> 01:22:05,503 Two. 1802 01:22:06,380 --> 01:22:07,589 Three. (DOOR OPENS) 1803 01:22:08,465 --> 01:22:09,549 Freeze, Trautwig. 1804 01:22:10,676 --> 01:22:12,176 Game over. 1805 01:22:12,511 --> 01:22:13,761 Where did it go? I don't know. 1806 01:22:13,846 --> 01:22:15,763 You're under arrest for the murder of Manfred SaIisbury. . . 1807 01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:18,850 Antonio Guzman and that IittIe punk skater kid. 1808 01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:20,059 Drop the guns. 1809 01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:21,436 You don't understand what's happening. 1810 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:23,271 There's aIiens in the store. 1811 01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,689 Oh, yeah? AIiens? Where? 1812 01:22:24,773 --> 01:22:26,441 It was right over there untiI you scared it. 1813 01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:27,775 Now keep your mouth down. 1814 01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:30,528 Oh, aIiens who are scared by the sound of a door opening. 1815 01:22:30,904 --> 01:22:32,780 Look out, Earth, you've met your match. 1816 01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:34,157 Drop the guns! 1817 01:22:34,241 --> 01:22:36,117 We're not going to drop our guns, because there are aIiens here. 1818 01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:37,243 (HICCUPS) 1819 01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:39,912 Chucho, what's up, buddy? You got something to say? 1820 01:22:40,706 --> 01:22:42,123 (SCREAMS) 1821 01:22:42,207 --> 01:22:44,000 What the fuck is that thing? 1822 01:22:44,084 --> 01:22:45,293 (SCREAMS) 1823 01:22:46,128 --> 01:22:47,128 Oh. 1824 01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:50,381 (ROARS) 1825 01:22:51,634 --> 01:22:52,800 (WHIMPERS) 1826 01:22:56,347 --> 01:22:57,930 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 1827 01:23:04,104 --> 01:23:07,065 (SOBBING) Chucho! Chucho, Chucho! 1828 01:23:08,192 --> 01:23:10,234 Stay with me, buddy. Stay with me! 1829 01:23:10,486 --> 01:23:12,945 No, no, Chucho. Come on ! 1830 01:23:13,113 --> 01:23:14,447 Come on, stay with me! 1831 01:23:16,992 --> 01:23:18,493 His heart is out of his body, feIIa. 1832 01:23:18,577 --> 01:23:19,994 I don't think he's going to make it. 1833 01:23:20,079 --> 01:23:21,621 What? No, he's going to make it. 1834 01:23:21,705 --> 01:23:23,164 Come on ! Come on ! 1835 01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:24,916 Listen, cop! 1836 01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,751 You got a Iot of shit you need to brought up to speed on. . . 1837 01:23:26,835 --> 01:23:28,169 and I don't have the goddamn time 1838 01:23:28,253 --> 01:23:29,837 to hoId your hand and waIk you through it. 1839 01:23:29,922 --> 01:23:33,049 First, aIiens exist. DeaI with it. 1840 01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:35,677 Second, your boy Chucho is dead as fuck. 1841 01:23:35,761 --> 01:23:37,011 And there isn't anything on God's green earth 1842 01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:38,805 that's going to bring him back to us. 1843 01:23:38,889 --> 01:23:40,973 Now, I have a bunch of aIiens underneath this Costco. . . 1844 01:23:41,058 --> 01:23:44,602 and we are moments away from this Earth being stomped a new asshoIe! 1845 01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:46,354 I have one important question, 1846 01:23:46,438 --> 01:23:48,272 and I need you to answer it for me right now. 1847 01:23:49,316 --> 01:23:50,358 Are you with us? 1848 01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,068 Are you a cop? 1849 01:23:52,236 --> 01:23:53,903 No. 1850 01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:57,824 You rejected me because I was too awesome for you. 1851 01:23:58,200 --> 01:24:01,244 WeII, that was cIearIy the biggest goddamn mistake I've ever made. 1852 01:24:01,328 --> 01:24:03,037 I'II do whatever you say, kid. 1853 01:24:04,039 --> 01:24:07,291 Lock and Ioad, bitches. Anything from outer space, kiII it. 1854 01:24:08,252 --> 01:24:11,129 Come on. That aIien was guarding that grate for a reason. 1855 01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:20,012 (SCREAMS) 1856 01:24:23,058 --> 01:24:24,058 (GROWLS) 1857 01:24:28,564 --> 01:24:30,773 Die! Die! 1858 01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:33,693 You. . . kiIIed. . . my. . . friend ! 1859 01:24:33,861 --> 01:24:35,528 You stupid FIertrok! 1860 01:24:35,696 --> 01:24:37,071 I don't know if we can confirm or deny 1861 01:24:37,156 --> 01:24:38,322 whether or not that's FIertrok. . . 1862 01:24:38,407 --> 01:24:40,032 but this thing's a goner for sure. 1863 01:24:51,003 --> 01:24:52,044 (GROANS) It hurts. 1864 01:24:59,470 --> 01:25:01,804 I guess this is the part where you Ieave me to die. 1865 01:25:01,889 --> 01:25:04,432 No, no. You're not going to die. 1866 01:25:04,516 --> 01:25:06,058 Yeah, you're not going to die. 1867 01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:07,477 (SOFTLY) He's going to die. 1868 01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:09,604 You better get some heIp. 1869 01:25:09,688 --> 01:25:11,606 (METALLIC GRATING) 1870 01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,065 That doesn't sound good. 1871 01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:14,859 Come on, we got to find that transmitter. 1872 01:25:14,943 --> 01:25:16,027 Hey. 1873 01:25:16,570 --> 01:25:17,945 Go kiII me some aIiens, baby. 1874 01:25:18,030 --> 01:25:19,363 AII right. 1875 01:25:20,866 --> 01:25:22,408 Okay. 1876 01:25:22,493 --> 01:25:24,952 Hey. I need you to be strong for me, okay? 1877 01:25:25,037 --> 01:25:26,037 Ew. 1878 01:25:26,413 --> 01:25:28,372 FrankIin. What are we doing? 1879 01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:29,624 You ready? Yeah, okay. 1880 01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:30,708 I'm just going to Iift your arm. 1881 01:25:44,807 --> 01:25:46,682 Here we go. 1882 01:26:03,242 --> 01:26:05,034 FRANKLIN: HoIy shit. 1883 01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,619 JASON: GentIemen. 1884 01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:11,499 What the heII are you doing down here? 1885 01:26:11,667 --> 01:26:15,503 Nothing, reaIIy. Just picking up some paper toweIs in buIk. 1886 01:26:15,671 --> 01:26:18,339 A super big tub of mayo, and what eIse? 1887 01:26:18,882 --> 01:26:20,675 Oh, yeah, transmitting a signaI 1888 01:26:20,759 --> 01:26:24,220 to my armada to destroy your entire race. 1889 01:26:24,304 --> 01:26:26,013 HoIy shit! He's an aIien ! 1890 01:26:26,098 --> 01:26:27,640 BOB: You motherfucker! 1891 01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,063 You guys go destroy the transmitter. I'II deaI with this jackass. 1892 01:26:34,147 --> 01:26:35,898 No. We're not going to Ieave you aIone with him. 1893 01:26:35,983 --> 01:26:37,525 Goddamn it, Evan, we don't have time for this shit. 1894 01:26:37,609 --> 01:26:39,402 Just go, go, go! I got him ! 1895 01:26:39,486 --> 01:26:40,528 Bob's right, they have some shit 1896 01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:41,821 they have to work out. Let's just go. 1897 01:26:41,905 --> 01:26:43,531 Okay, you be carefuI. FRANKLIN: Come on. 1898 01:26:43,615 --> 01:26:45,616 Okay. Okay, Bob. 1899 01:26:46,285 --> 01:26:47,326 You can do this. 1900 01:26:47,953 --> 01:26:48,953 (GROWLING) 1901 01:26:51,123 --> 01:26:52,164 (GRUNTS) 1902 01:26:53,333 --> 01:26:56,627 Come on, Bob! This is too easy. 1903 01:27:02,968 --> 01:27:04,302 (GRUNTING) 1904 01:27:07,097 --> 01:27:08,431 Whoo! 1905 01:27:08,515 --> 01:27:10,016 Yeah ! 1906 01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:12,894 (GRUNTS) 1907 01:27:16,356 --> 01:27:19,775 Oh, my God. What do we do? 1908 01:27:19,985 --> 01:27:21,152 I have an idea. 1909 01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:29,827 My idea didn't work. 1910 01:27:31,914 --> 01:27:32,914 (ROARS) 1911 01:27:38,837 --> 01:27:40,713 FRANKLIN: Evan, they're not dying ! 1912 01:27:42,215 --> 01:27:43,257 (CLICKING) 1913 01:27:43,342 --> 01:27:44,383 I'm out of buIIets. 1914 01:27:45,135 --> 01:27:46,969 (CLICKING) So am I. 1915 01:27:47,387 --> 01:27:49,931 It wiII be an honor getting skinned aIive next to you. 1916 01:27:50,515 --> 01:27:51,891 (GUN FIRING) 1917 01:27:54,519 --> 01:27:55,519 What is happening? 1918 01:27:58,190 --> 01:27:59,732 Why are their dicks expIoding? 1919 01:28:05,822 --> 01:28:07,031 Hi. 1920 01:28:07,115 --> 01:28:08,616 That's the onIy way to kiII us. 1921 01:28:08,700 --> 01:28:10,034 Severe trauma to the dick. 1922 01:28:11,078 --> 01:28:12,370 That's where our brains are. 1923 01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:13,746 Like aII guys, am I right? 1924 01:28:13,830 --> 01:28:14,830 JAMARCUS: You know it. 1925 01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:19,251 Bob, come in. If you can hear me, their weakness is their dick. 1926 01:28:19,336 --> 01:28:21,462 Their Achilles' heel is in their dicks. 1927 01:28:22,798 --> 01:28:24,090 Die! 1928 01:28:27,219 --> 01:28:28,386 (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) 1929 01:28:29,972 --> 01:28:31,514 (SCREAMS) 1930 01:28:31,598 --> 01:28:32,723 (RIPS) 1931 01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:39,689 (GROANING) 1932 01:28:43,110 --> 01:28:45,027 Magnum, my ass. 1933 01:28:45,195 --> 01:28:48,364 I onIy needed one hand for that shit. 1934 01:28:50,075 --> 01:28:52,576 Jamarcus, how do you shut this thing down? 1935 01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:54,495 Looks Iike the orb's powering it, 1936 01:28:54,579 --> 01:28:57,748 so maybe removing the orb wouId de-power it? 1937 01:28:57,958 --> 01:28:59,000 You're guessing? 1938 01:28:59,084 --> 01:29:00,543 You seriousIy don't know how this thing works? 1939 01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:01,836 I'm not an engineer, I didn't buiId it. 1940 01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,504 Do you know how your ceII phone works? 1941 01:29:03,588 --> 01:29:05,923 Yes, I know how my ceII phone works. 1942 01:29:06,049 --> 01:29:07,466 You hit a bunch of numbers, and you hit send. 1943 01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:08,634 At Ieast don't you know the basic--? 1944 01:29:08,719 --> 01:29:10,928 What do you mean, "the basic"? Look at it, it's not fucking basic. 1945 01:29:11,138 --> 01:29:13,347 It Iooks compIicated. 1946 01:29:13,432 --> 01:29:14,473 That Iight bit. . . 1947 01:29:14,558 --> 01:29:16,517 That Iight. That means it's aImost charged, right? 1948 01:29:16,643 --> 01:29:18,144 What's happening? 1949 01:29:18,562 --> 01:29:20,521 Whoa! What the fuck is he doing here? 1950 01:29:20,605 --> 01:29:22,606 Bob, it's aII right. We were surrounded and he saved our asses. 1951 01:29:22,691 --> 01:29:23,858 EVAN: Are you okay? 1952 01:29:23,942 --> 01:29:25,609 He came in here jacking dicks. Left and right. 1953 01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:27,194 (ALIEN CHITTERS) 1954 01:29:27,279 --> 01:29:28,320 Shit! What is that? 1955 01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:30,614 I'm going to go get that orb thing. 1956 01:29:30,699 --> 01:29:31,699 You guys cover me, aII right? 1957 01:29:31,783 --> 01:29:35,202 Yeah, Evaroo, just go quick. Hurry up, this pIace sucks. 1958 01:29:35,704 --> 01:29:38,039 I've gone to the other side, guys, I'm fucking way in it. 1959 01:29:38,123 --> 01:29:40,374 If first thing in war is Iost is fucking innocence. . . 1960 01:29:40,459 --> 01:29:41,417 (SPITS) 1961 01:29:41,501 --> 01:29:42,752 Yeah ! 1962 01:29:46,298 --> 01:29:48,049 BOB: Better watch it. Hurry up, buddy. 1963 01:29:48,133 --> 01:29:49,884 Hurry up. 1964 01:29:50,218 --> 01:29:51,677 (POWERING UP) 1965 01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,972 FRANKLIN: It's transmitting ! 1966 01:30:00,604 --> 01:30:01,645 Get it off that thing. 1967 01:30:02,814 --> 01:30:04,607 (POWERING DOWN) 1968 01:30:11,490 --> 01:30:13,157 It worked ! AII right! 1969 01:30:13,241 --> 01:30:15,242 Let's get the fuck out of here. 1970 01:30:17,204 --> 01:30:18,704 What is it? 1971 01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:23,334 FrankIin ! 1972 01:30:25,879 --> 01:30:27,880 HoIy shit! Evan, Iet's go! 1973 01:30:27,964 --> 01:30:28,964 (YELLS) 1974 01:30:31,176 --> 01:30:32,510 We got to get the orb out of here! 1975 01:30:33,178 --> 01:30:34,178 Cover us. 1976 01:30:34,429 --> 01:30:36,388 Let's go. I got you Frank-n-Bean ! 1977 01:30:45,357 --> 01:30:46,690 (GROWLING) 1978 01:30:56,118 --> 01:30:58,869 Come on ! Let's go! 1979 01:31:00,122 --> 01:31:01,163 Get up there, Frank. 1980 01:31:01,915 --> 01:31:05,376 Come on, move, move, move! This pIace is crawIing. 1981 01:31:07,796 --> 01:31:08,796 Ahh ! 1982 01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:09,880 (SNARLS) 1983 01:31:09,965 --> 01:31:11,632 Jamarcus! Give me your hand ! 1984 01:31:12,259 --> 01:31:13,676 Take the orb out and go! 1985 01:31:13,760 --> 01:31:16,137 No Watchman Ieft behind ! Give me your hand ! 1986 01:31:16,221 --> 01:31:17,263 Come on, paI ! 1987 01:31:19,099 --> 01:31:20,975 Come on, brother. Let's go. 1988 01:31:21,143 --> 01:31:22,309 Fridge! 1989 01:31:22,394 --> 01:31:23,727 Let's go. 1990 01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:26,063 (GRUNTS) 1991 01:31:27,649 --> 01:31:29,775 Come on, go, go! 1992 01:31:34,406 --> 01:31:35,906 (ALIEN GROWLS) 1993 01:31:37,284 --> 01:31:38,534 Come on ! Let's go! 1994 01:31:48,044 --> 01:31:49,795 FrankIin, the switch ! 1995 01:31:51,256 --> 01:31:52,923 (ALARM BLARING) 1996 01:32:04,519 --> 01:32:05,769 EVAN: Get back, Abby! 1997 01:32:06,229 --> 01:32:08,189 Abby! Take cover! 1998 01:32:10,233 --> 01:32:13,485 Come on, boys! Let's pIug these motherfucking hoIes! 1999 01:32:21,328 --> 01:32:23,954 Goodbye, sweet chiId of mine. 2000 01:32:34,966 --> 01:32:36,342 Evan ! 2001 01:33:05,497 --> 01:33:07,248 BRESSMAN: Wait, what's happening? Did we win? 2002 01:33:07,332 --> 01:33:09,208 I can't see. Are those tears of joy? 2003 01:33:10,293 --> 01:33:12,628 They're not tears of joy, are they? 2004 01:33:12,796 --> 01:33:15,839 Oh, no! Your husband's dead, isn't he? 2005 01:33:15,924 --> 01:33:18,300 Your husband's dead. I'm so sorry. 2006 01:33:18,385 --> 01:33:21,470 You're going to find somebody. You're going to find somebody. 2007 01:33:21,554 --> 01:33:24,014 You're a great person. Life goes on. 2008 01:33:24,140 --> 01:33:26,183 There's aIways something better around the corner. 2009 01:33:26,268 --> 01:33:27,768 That's what my mom aIways said. 2010 01:33:27,852 --> 01:33:29,728 I'm singIe, too, actuaIIy. 2011 01:33:47,747 --> 01:33:49,164 Hey. 2012 01:33:53,336 --> 01:33:54,753 Your Costco. 2013 01:33:54,921 --> 01:33:56,630 I'm sorry, baby. 2014 01:33:56,715 --> 01:33:57,715 Don't be. 2015 01:33:58,883 --> 01:34:03,345 She'II rise again, Iike a phoenix from the ashes. 2016 01:34:03,430 --> 01:34:05,222 And when she does, we'II be there. 2017 01:34:08,226 --> 01:34:10,019 We did it, Ev. 2018 01:34:11,021 --> 01:34:12,771 Yeah. We did. 2019 01:34:17,944 --> 01:34:19,445 You came back for us. 2020 01:34:20,655 --> 01:34:25,576 We went to an orgy together. We are friends forever, now. 2021 01:34:26,911 --> 01:34:28,120 I'II expIain that to you Iater. 2022 01:34:28,204 --> 01:34:29,330 Yeah. 2023 01:34:29,956 --> 01:34:31,123 Hey. 2024 01:34:31,207 --> 01:34:33,709 I'm sorry about that stuff I said before. 2025 01:34:33,793 --> 01:34:38,088 Forget it, man. I'm reaIIy sorry about the stuff I said, too. 2026 01:34:38,173 --> 01:34:40,924 I mean, that's what brothers do. They fight. 2027 01:34:42,385 --> 01:34:44,303 But then they aIways make up, right? 2028 01:34:46,431 --> 01:34:48,015 Are we cooI? 2029 01:34:50,018 --> 01:34:51,393 Yeah. 2030 01:34:52,437 --> 01:34:55,731 Get in here, IittIe big man ! That's my guy. 2031 01:34:56,149 --> 01:34:58,067 That was reaIIy beautifuI, you guys. 2032 01:34:58,234 --> 01:34:59,777 Now, do me. 2033 01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:00,903 What? 2034 01:35:01,446 --> 01:35:03,030 ApoIogize to me. 2035 01:35:03,114 --> 01:35:04,198 For what? 2036 01:35:04,282 --> 01:35:07,076 If I have to teII you, then the apoIogy is meaningIess. 2037 01:35:07,577 --> 01:35:10,079 AII right, Frank-n-Beans. Get in here. 2038 01:35:10,163 --> 01:35:11,205 Thank you. 2039 01:35:12,123 --> 01:35:13,665 Come on, Jamrock. 2040 01:35:15,710 --> 01:35:18,087 Listen, baby, I know things get tough, but I'm okay. 2041 01:35:18,171 --> 01:35:19,213 You got to stop that. 2042 01:35:19,297 --> 01:35:20,255 I understand. 2043 01:35:20,340 --> 01:35:21,715 What are you doing? ReaIIy. 2044 01:35:21,800 --> 01:35:23,634 I'm in a weird pIace. I'm sorry. 2045 01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:26,553 I don't want to come off as a bottom feeder. . . 2046 01:35:26,638 --> 01:35:28,639 but there couId be a coupIe of knickknacks in that store. . . 2047 01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:30,849 Don't even finish it. 2048 01:35:31,601 --> 01:35:33,435 I'm going to pick up a coupIe of knickknacks or something. . . 2049 01:35:33,520 --> 01:35:35,979 That stuff is aII covered by insurance. You can't. . . 2050 01:35:36,981 --> 01:35:37,940 What are you. . .? Hey. 2051 01:35:38,024 --> 01:35:39,817 EVAN: l used to think l had it all. 2052 01:35:39,901 --> 01:35:42,986 But then I reaIized, what was it all about without friends? 2053 01:35:43,071 --> 01:35:44,571 Let's get in a IittIe tighter, here. 2054 01:35:44,656 --> 01:35:46,115 Let's keep the hands above the hips. 2055 01:35:46,199 --> 01:35:47,741 Let's keep it 1 950s in this bitch, okay? 2056 01:35:47,826 --> 01:35:51,161 Is it true your dad ripped your Iast boyfriend's dick off? 2057 01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,371 Yup. 2058 01:35:52,455 --> 01:35:54,164 You guys be home by midnight. 2059 01:35:54,249 --> 01:35:56,333 I was thinking 1 0:30, sir, if that's okay with you? 2060 01:35:56,418 --> 01:35:58,502 Don't be such a suck-up. Are you going to bIow me in the driveway? 2061 01:35:58,586 --> 01:36:00,254 Midnight's going to be fine. 2062 01:36:00,338 --> 01:36:03,132 EVAN: Sometimes, someone you thought was a total douchebag... 2063 01:36:03,216 --> 01:36:05,551 I mean, Iike a reaI piece of shit guy... 2064 01:36:05,635 --> 01:36:10,305 turns out to be your best friend, and your partner. 2065 01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:11,432 And for me... 2066 01:36:11,516 --> 01:36:15,561 even though my testicles had completely betrayed me, Abby hadn't. 2067 01:36:15,645 --> 01:36:19,523 She and l were a team. And a family. 2068 01:36:19,607 --> 01:36:20,858 Where did you come from? 2069 01:36:21,526 --> 01:36:24,194 l now know that we are not alone. 2070 01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:27,239 And l'm feeling pretty good about that. 2071 01:36:27,323 --> 01:36:29,324 That's right. 2072 01:36:29,409 --> 01:36:32,327 So, if you hear something go bump in the night, never fear... 2073 01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:37,291 because the Neighborhood Watch, as always, is watching. 2074 01:36:37,667 --> 01:36:39,042 The neighborhood. 2075 01:36:39,210 --> 01:36:40,961 For aliens. 2076 01:36:41,212 --> 01:36:43,589 (YOU AlN'T SEEN NOTHING YET PLAYING) 2077 01:36:43,673 --> 01:36:47,050 B-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-nothing yet 2078 01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:49,970 (BOYZ N THE HOOD PLAYING) 2079 01:36:50,054 --> 01:36:52,389 Woke up quick at about noon 2080 01:36:52,474 --> 01:36:55,142 Just thought that l had to be in Compton soon 2081 01:36:55,226 --> 01:36:57,686 l gotta get drunk before the day begins 2082 01:36:57,770 --> 01:37:00,898 Before my mother starts bitchin' about my friends 2083 01:37:00,982 --> 01:37:03,650 Then l let the Alpine play Play 2084 01:37:03,735 --> 01:37:05,986 Bumping new shit by NWA 2085 01:37:06,070 --> 01:37:08,739 lt was gangsta, gangsta at the top of the list 2086 01:37:08,823 --> 01:37:11,909 Then l played my own shit lt went something like this 2087 01:37:11,993 --> 01:37:14,495 Cruising down the street in my six-fo' 2088 01:37:14,579 --> 01:37:17,289 Jocking the bitches Slapping the hos 2089 01:37:17,373 --> 01:37:19,666 l went to the park to get the scoop 2090 01:37:19,751 --> 01:37:22,669 Knuckleheads out there Cold, shooting some hoop 2091 01:37:22,754 --> 01:37:25,464 A car pulls up Who can it be? 2092 01:37:25,548 --> 01:37:28,175 A fresh El Camino rolling Kilo G 2093 01:37:28,259 --> 01:37:30,886 He rolled down his window and he started to say 2094 01:37:30,970 --> 01:37:33,388 lt's all about making that G.T.A. 2095 01:37:33,473 --> 01:37:36,016 'Cause the boys in the hood are always hard 2096 01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:38,852 You come talking that trash and we'll pull your card 2097 01:37:38,937 --> 01:37:41,605 Knowing nothing in life but to be legit 2098 01:37:41,689 --> 01:37:44,691 Don't quote me boy 'cause l ain't saying shit 2099 01:37:44,776 --> 01:37:48,612 Yo, man 2100 01:37:48,696 --> 01:37:50,072 Yo, yo 2101 01:37:50,156 --> 01:37:51,156 Yo, man 2102 01:37:51,241 --> 01:37:53,492 Get the fuck out 2103 01:41:54,317 --> 01:41:55,317 EngIish - US - PSDH 2103 01:41:56,305 --> 01:42:02,659 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org