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(MUSIC PLAYING)

3
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NARRATOR: <i>Ah, Mother's Day.</i>

4
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,714
Paige, come on, honey,
you have to go to school.

5
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<i>I love being a mother.</i>

6
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,957
<i>But what about the other
364 days of the year?</i>

7
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,355
<i>When you're trying to
get your kid to school</i>

8
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,159
<i>and you're surviving
on very little sleep</i>

9
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,955
<i>because you're up all night sewing
costumes for the school play</i>

10
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,000
<i>and you've still got to go
to work in the morning.</i>

11
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Go.

12
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<i>It's about
the never-ending driving</i>

13
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,435
<i>to soccer,
gymnastics, or ballet.</i>

14
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(DOG BARKING)

15
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<i>It's about getting your kids
to look up from their computer</i>

16
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,355
<i>or iPad or iPod or iPhone or
whatever "I" they're looking at.</i>

17
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,956
Paige, wait, honey,
your banana, hold on, hold on!

18
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,071
It's okay, honey,
just eat the peach.

19
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Eat the peach, it's fine.

20
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,148
<i>In other words,
it's about being a...</i>

21
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MIKEY: Mom! Mom!

22
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,388
Mom!

23
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:46,840
(PANTING)
Peter...

24
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,713
Wait, wait, wait... (SHUSHING)
breathe, slow down, slow down,

25
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,199
breathe, hold on.

26
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There you go. See?

27
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,240
Now tell me what happened.

28
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,430
Peter left the top
of the ant farm open.

29
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,755
All the ants are gone,
even the big red one.

30
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,474
Oh, why?
Why did I buy this for you guys?

31
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,959
I swear, I don't...

32
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,156
Hey, hey, hey, Peter,
where did that come from?

33
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,709
You know no junk food
for breakfast anymore.

34
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,678
Dad brought them.
He lets us.

35
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,919
(SCOFFS) He also lets you go to
school without any underwear.

36
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,151
It's called
free-balling, Mom.

37
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,234
I swear.
Where are all of these ants?

38
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,416
It happened in the backyard.

39
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,510
God. Peter, I'm not kidding.
I'm counting to three.

40
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,113
One, two...

41
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,200
Three.

42
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,833
What?
When did that stop working?

43
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,831
Come on,
I brought a box of donuts.

44
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,228
It's not a federal offense,

45
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,959
but I will take credit
for the underwear.

46
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,592
Good morning.
Hello.

47
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,830
Did you look this good
when we were married?

48
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,876
No, I actually got better.

49
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,835
When did you get in here?
I didn't even hear you come in.

50
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,638
Came in through
the back door.

51
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,176
I mean, we don't want the neighbors
talking, do we? (CLICKS TONGUE)

52
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,679
Hmm. Are you hungry?

53
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,760
Mmm.

54
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,438
Here, have a donut.

55
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,356
Your parents are divorced,
right?

56
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,192
Oh, trust me,
there's weirdness.

57
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,840
So, Peter, you decided
to invite your friends over

58
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,632
at 7:45 in the morning?

59
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,720
Hi.

60
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,672
We're meeting here
for the carpool today.

61
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And the donuts.
HENRY: At my request.

62
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,113
All right, you little hooligans,
let's go, time for school.

63
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,235
Load up.

64
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,352
Please, you cannot bring this
stuff into the house anymore.

65
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:32,990
Yeah, but, uh, seriously,
could we have a conversation later?

66
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,954
There's something important
I need to talk to you about.

67
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,471
Sure, okay.

68
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,109
Okay.
(PHONE RINGING)

69
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,713
Telephone.

70
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,155
Hey, Jess.

71
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,232
I ate a whole
coffee cake last night.

72
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,355
Pilates?

73
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,032
No, I can't.
I have way too much work.

74
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,136
But I've got to tell you,
the strangest thing just happened.

75
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,160
What?

76
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,636
I think I just caught Henry
totally checking me out,

77
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,789
like twice.

78
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,475
Was it like a long stare
or a gawk?

79
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,671
Jesse, you've got to see this!

80
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,155
I'm going to say like a gawk.

81
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,389
What does that mean?

82
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,816
I have no idea, but he said he
wants to sit down with me later

83
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,354
and talk about
something important.

84
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,432
What if he wants to
get back together?

85
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,714
<i>What? No. No way.</i>

86
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(WHISPERS)
I'm coming, I'm coming.

87
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That is so not happening.

88
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,918
Why not?
<i>Jesse.</i>

89
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,798
You are the happiest
divorced couple I've ever met.

90
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,632
I mean, maybe he's
figured you're the one.

91
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,631
Max, get ready,
my sister's coming.

92
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,439
No, no, no, no, no, no,
there's no way.

93
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,592
That's not going to...
It's been years, it's all fine and...

94
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,416
You don't really...
Really, you think it might be?

95
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,431
Do you think?
<i>Here's what I'm wondering.</i>

96
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,428
If you guys get remarried,
does it mean the ring has to be bigger?

97
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,112
I'm saying yes.

98
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,840
Okay, you just keep
thinking all of those

99
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,433
wonderfully deep
thoughts, okay?

100
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,039
I'll talk to you later.

101
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,031
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

102
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,991
Presenting our float
for the Mother's Day parade.

103
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,553
ALL: Oh!

104
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,512
(SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)

105
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,233
(GRUNTING)

106
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,715
Wow!

107
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,837
Do you love it?
What is it?

108
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,276
Womb. It's a womb.

109
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,198
Of course.

110
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:16,753
It's a womb float.

111
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,752
Amazing. And so,
the tube?

112
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:21,880
The umbilical cord.

113
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,315
It's symbolic that we all
come from the same place,

114
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,472
gay, straight, transgender,
black, white, purple, you know.

115
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Awesome.

116
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(CHUCKLES)
I love it.

117
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,195
You're going to kill it
at the Mother's Day parade.

118
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,136
Seriously, they're not going
to know what to do with it.

119
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,479
You haven't seen
the best part.

120
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,196
Oh, look at that!
I delivered a child for the second time.

121
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,830
Wow! It's a boy.

122
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,353
You've lost your mind.

123
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,589
(BOTH LAUGHING)

124
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,000
I'm going to go work out.
I'll be right over here.

125
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,520
You good?

126
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:55,600
All good, Val.

127
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,280
Hey, Zack.

128
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,680
Another week,
you won't need the tray.

129
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,736
Another week, and you and
Kristin will be doing my shift.

130
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,760
Hey, Val.

131
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,876
Hey, Kristin. Hey.

132
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,439
Hi, Daddy!

133
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,800
Ooh.

134
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,711
No, no, no, we sanitize.

135
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,080
I literally just
washed my hands.

136
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,189
Doesn't matter.

137
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,952
I could always
wear a hazmat suit.

138
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,599
(GASPS) I'd love that.

139
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,750
The baby books call that
being a helicopter mom.

140
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:18,955
You know, always hovering.

141
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,280
Yeah, I've been
called them all,

142
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,520
and it doesn't
faze me one bit.

143
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,473
Milk bottles for tonight.

144
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,400
Can you put those in the
fridge for me, please?

145
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,232
Um, that may not work.

146
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,320
I just found out...

147
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,197
Hey, Zack,
can I get two more?

148
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,631
Yep, on the way. Beanzie?

149
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,873
I got accepted into the Buckhead
Standup Comedy Contest.

150
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,116
First round's tonight,
three rounds,

151
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,519
first prize is 5 grand.

152
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,716
Babe, that would take my overall
earnings as a comic to,

153
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:46,989
well, 5 grand.

154
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,160
Just getting accepted into
the contest is a big deal.

155
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,336
Yeah, of course,
I will figure something out with Katie.

156
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,396
Don't worry.
Just go make 'em laugh.

157
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,750
BOSS: I'm not paying you
to reproduce again.

158
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:56,840
Sorry, boss.

159
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,115
But don't mind me,
I'm just the owner.

160
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,515
(CHUCKLES)

161
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,757
RACHEL: Vicky,
don't kick the ball in here.

162
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,239
Okay, okay.

163
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,353
Thank you.

164
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,671
Can't believe it's
already been a year.

165
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,868
This will be our
first one without her.

166
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,079
I miss her.

167
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,074
Me, too.

168
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,759
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

169
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,359
Who's that?

170
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,590
Just a friend,
wondering if I'll be

171
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,716
at the mall
today after school.

172
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,915
I've got to answer him.

173
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,273
Is this "him" your,
uh, boyfriend?

174
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,628
Dad, stop. Please.

175
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,720
What?
Oh, my God.

176
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,119
Seems like
a reasonable question

177
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,992
for a father to
ask his daughter.

178
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,798
Hey, Vicky,
you know, we should go.

179
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,359
We're going to be
late for school,

180
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,829
and you, don't be late
for soccer practice this time.

181
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,434
I won't.

182
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,870
Mom was never
late for practice.

183
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,199
No, she wasn't.

184
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,073
Can I drive?

185
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,754
Absolutely not.

186
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,416
No, look, we're all going to end
up in a place like this someday.

187
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,536
All right?
I don't want to rush it.

188
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,560
(CHUCKLES)

189
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,715
What?

190
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,678
That was just like
the old Dad, making jokes.

191
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,713
Yeah, I guess.

192
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,839
So, listen, Dad.

193
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,354
After I get my license,
could I maybe, you know,

194
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,112
drive Mom's Volkswagen?

195
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,456
No, no, no, I'm going to sell it.
I told you that.

196
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,879
Come on, Dad.
Pretty please?

197
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,718
It's literally just
sitting in the garage.

198
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,199
Absolutely not.

199
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,559
Well, thanks for
thinking that over. Great.

200
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,395
I'm Adam Freeman.

201
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,233
Thanks for joining me here
on HSN from our headquarters

202
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,072
in St. Petersburg, Florida.

203
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,232
<i>Right now, I would like to send
it over to Atlanta, Georgia,</i>

204
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,153
<i>where the very lovely Miranda
Collins is on her book tour.</i>

205
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,559
Hello, Adam.

206
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,709
Hello, Atlanta.

207
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,199
Hello, viewers.

208
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,794
So, Mother's Day
is getting so close,

209
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,953
and we have these gorgeous
crystal mood pendants.

210
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,993
It is the perfect
gift for Mom.

211
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,231
These genuine quartz
crystal mood pendants

212
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,470
change color with your mood.

213
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,471
Now, wouldn't it
be nice to know

214
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,996
if your mom is
happy or sad or mad?

215
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,229
(LAUGHS)
(BELL DINGS)

216
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,000
Oh, we have just sold
our 800th pendant!

217
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,115
Bingo!

218
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,149
Oh, God, I know that look.

219
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,754
You hate the float.

220
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,479
No, it's not the float.

221
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,193
It's just all this
Mother's Day stuff

222
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,296
and I start thinking about
how I haven't talked to Mom.

223
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,359
I don't even remember what our
stupid argument was about.

224
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,793
Oh, let me
refresh your memory.

225
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,416
She saw a picture of you
and Russell on Facebook,

226
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,113
and even though he's a doctor,
she threatened to disown you

227
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,198
if you continue to date a man whose
skin was darker than a Frappuccino.

228
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,191
Okay, I get it.

229
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,159
Look, you can always call her,

230
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,073
not that I understand why you
would want to, or Skype.

231
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,593
She's into that now.

232
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,591
Our parents have the Internet?

233
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,591
How do they do that
with a rotary phone?

234
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,148
Hmm. Fancier trailer park?

235
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,393
Well, when are you planning on
telling them about you and Max?

236
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,040
Never.

237
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,736
I'm engaged to an investment
banker named Steven.

238
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,920
We have not set the date yet.

239
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,336
He has low sperm count
and I'm in therapy.

240
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,360
That's my story.

241
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,558
Maybe if you tell them about you two
first, it'll soften the blow for me.

242
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,157
Don't even try to piggyback
your secret on my secret.

243
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,595
Besides, she's in Texas.
We're fine.

244
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,518
Yeah, we're fine,

245
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,150
just motherless
this time of year.

246
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,276
There's a reason we
moved here to Georgia.

247
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,793
She ruins everything,
remember?

248
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,394
I mean, at least
everything we let her.

249
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,830
I just feel like
we don't have family.

250
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,075
(CHUCKLES)

251
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,118
I'm your sister.
I live next door to you.

252
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,832
Thank you very much.

253
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:04,749
Thanks.

254
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,989
Little hot, careful.

255
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,120
Mmm.

256
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,153
It's really hot.

257
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,440
(SIGHS)

258
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,112
What did you
want to talk about?

259
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,760
Sounded so important.

260
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,353
(LAUGHS) Uh...

261
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,517
Oh, my God, what is it?

262
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,919
I, uh...

263
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,520
I, um...

264
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,793
I got married.

265
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,114
Eloped, actually.

266
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,393
Very impulsive.

267
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,028
You got married?

268
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,269
Yeah.

269
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,676
You got... To who?

270
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,279
To Tina.

271
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:52,909
To Tina?

272
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,315
Yeah, to Tina.

273
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,480
To Tina?

274
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:57,920
Stop saying, "To Tina."

275
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:03,028
(STUTTERING) I'm sorry,
I'm so confused right now.

276
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,714
I mean, I thought
you guys broke up so long ago.

277
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,800
We did.

278
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,673
But then there
was that stripper.

279
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,639
Dancer, yeah.

280
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,829
Stripper.

281
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:16,238
And then, Tina and I
got back together.

282
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,079
How does this...

283
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,639
Wow. You got back together.

284
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,319
She's the one.

285
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,280
Ah.

286
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,920
Well, let's say the next one.

287
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:30,835
Right.

288
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,070
You know, I've always respected
the agreement we've had

289
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,798
to keep our
love lives separate

290
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,950
until they become permanent,

291
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,679
which now it has.

292
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:47,433
Okay, so,
when do we tell the boys?

293
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,476
Oh, I already told them
on the way to school.

294
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,756
What? You already told them?

295
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,955
Yeah.

296
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,637
On the way to school,
with those other children in the car?

297
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,917
No, I waited till
those kids got out.

298
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,638
Oh, you did, good.
That's good.

299
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,673
So, that was a really nice,
well-thought-out moment for you guys.

300
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,876
That's nice.
Thanks for waiting for me.

301
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,231
They were excited.

302
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,557
They know her.
They really like her.

303
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,475
Okay.

304
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,556
(SIGHS) Well...

305
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,952
Oh, gosh, I have to, um...

306
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,156
I have to meet
Jess at Pilates.

307
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,639
Sorry, I don't mean to...

308
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,119
No, no, no.

309
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,696
I wanted to make sure
you heard it from me first.

310
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,233
Yes, I know, I know.

311
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,228
Okay, well, um...

312
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,240
Uh...

313
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,598
I'm happy for you.

314
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,359
Thank you.

315
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,835
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

316
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,748
Hi, Bradley. Are you going to
join us on the poles today?

317
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,910
Uh, not today,
Beth Anne, no.

318
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,274
Sisters.

319
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,718
We want to talk to you.
Go, Jody.

320
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,872
Bradley, there's this new mom at
school we want to set you up with.

321
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,040
She's recently divorced.

322
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,120
Not too recent.

323
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,112
With one of those annoyingly
perfect lives-at-the-gym bodies.

324
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,514
But with boobs, big boobs.

325
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,640
I mean big boobs.

326
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,073
Look, ladies,
I really appreciate

327
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,878
you looking out
for me like this,

328
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,349
but I just don't think
I'm ready quite yet, you know?

329
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,640
But when I am, I will definitely
come talk to you guys.

330
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,159
It'd be dumb not to.

331
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,232
What are your plans
for Mother's Day?

332
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,800
Oh, um...

333
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,753
No plans.
We're not celebrating.

334
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,918
I've been thinking about this
long and hard and believe me,

335
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,718
I think what's
best for the girls

336
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,552
is to just skip
the day altogether.

337
00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,474
You know, just treat it like a normal
Sunday, nothing special. You know?

338
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,630
What do you guys
think about that?

339
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,829
Absolutely not. No.
Major mistake, Bradley.

340
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,634
Dana would not like that.
Think about the kids.

341
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,000
You guys, look!
It's Miranda! (GASPS)

342
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,416
<i>Am I really on with
the Miranda Collins?</i>

343
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,318
<i>Am I really on with
the Edith from Waukesha?</i>

344
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,469
<i>Go ahead, Edith.</i>

345
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,160
EDITH: Could I see the
bracelet a bit closer, please?

346
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,388
My pleasure.

347
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,592
How's that, Edith?

348
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,399
EDITH: <i>Ooh, that's lovely.
I'll take two.</i>

349
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,353
And it won't cost you an arm and a leg.
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH)

350
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,039
BRADLEY: Perfect. Good.

351
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,593
Nice crisp passes, guys!

352
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,433
My mom said your mom was
lieutenant in the Marines

353
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,112
and your dad
was a Marine, too?

354
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,952
Yeah, he was
a master sergeant.

355
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,520
BRADLEY: Come on,
we've got to hustle.

356
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,834
He sure knows
how to yell.

357
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,016
Kick it to where they're going to be,
not where they are

358
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,376
because they'll be gone from
there by the time it gets there!

359
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,118
Leaner, come on, Rach.

360
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,633
Case in point!

361
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,592
Rachel, you've got
to hustle. Come on.

362
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,795
VICKY: Hey!

363
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,030
Thank you, Vicky.
Thank you for your help.

364
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,553
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
(WHISTLING)

365
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,029
Hey, Evelyn,
what are you doing?

366
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,156
Are you texting?
Are you?

367
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,510
Yeah, there's no
texting in soccer, okay?

368
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,433
I mean, there's running
and jumping, eye contact,

369
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:11,794
laughing, there's even crying.

370
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,915
There's no texting.

371
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,513
Please, put that away,
all right?

372
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,033
Hey, hey, hey!

373
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,520
(CHUCKLES)

374
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,068
What?

375
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,718
Thomas is
watching you.

376
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,954
Yeah, watching me
screw up, thank you.

377
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,193
BRADLEY: Back to soccer!

378
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,512
I guess that's
Tommy there, all right.

379
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,758
Let's go!
(WHISTLES)

380
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,000
(ALL CHUCKLING) All right, go, let's go!
Come on!

381
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,114
GIRL: Here we go.

382
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,315
Nice!

383
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,789
VICKY: Rachel's open!
BRADLEY: Chase it down, that's it.

384
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,634
Hey, goal!
(ALL CHEERING)

385
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,948
Nicely done.

386
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,271
Evelyn, please text my daughter,
"Good job." Thank you.

387
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,030
GABI: She is online.
You ready?

388
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,792
Yeah, I'm ready.
Oh.

389
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,158
Take that down.

390
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,673
(CHIMES)

391
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,268
Hey, Ma, it's Gabi.

392
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,592
FLO: Can you read me?

393
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,431
GABI: <i>Not a walkie-talkie,
Mom.</i>

394
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,674
I thought this Escape thing is
supposed to let me see people.

395
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,835
I don't see diddly.

396
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,878
<i>It's "Skype, " not "Escape."
Now just press "start video."</i>

397
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:16,995
FLO: <i>I did.</i>

398
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,355
GABI: Try again.
Click the picture of the video camera.

399
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,873
FLO: Well, I don't have
one of them.

400
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,154
GABI: <i>Yes, you do, Mom.</i>

401
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,754
FLO: No, I do not have
a damn picture of a video...

402
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,676
<i>Okay, I did.</i>
GABI: Hi.

403
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,716
<i>Oh, you got the crystal.
I sent it early.</i>

404
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,800
<i>Didn't want to risk it being
late for Mother's Day.</i>

405
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,776
(MUTTERING) <i>I know I'd never
hear the end of that.</i>

406
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,074
<i>Oh, I love it.</i>

407
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,198
<i>I'm not so sure about this
color-changing mumbo jumbo.</i>

408
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,193
<i>Oh, and I love that TV
shopping host, Miranda.</i>

409
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,111
<i>Do you know anybody
who knows her?</i>

410
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,997
<i>She's in a hotel in Atlanta.</i>

411
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,632
Uh, no, I don't.

412
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,553
But, um, there's someone
here who knows you.

413
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,760
(MOUTHING) I can't do it.
(SNAPS FINGERS)

414
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,456
(MOUTHING) You don't have to do it.
<i>Where did she go?</i>

415
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,072
<i>All I see is bricks.</i>

416
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,718
<i>Hello?</i>
(SNAPS FINGERS)

417
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,631
<i>Hello?
Uh...</i>

418
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,311
<i>Hi, Mom.</i>

419
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,040
Oh.

420
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,509
Do I know you?

421
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,878
<i>It's nice to see you, too.</i>

422
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,918
Finally calling to apologize
after all this time.

423
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,077
Nope, just calling to call.

424
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,072
<i>Gabi told me you're not dating
that Indian fellow anymore.</i>

425
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,599
<i>Finally came to your senses.</i>

426
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,632
<i>But I'm not going to rub your face
in it and say, "I told you so,"</i>

427
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,472
<i>but I told you so.</i>

428
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,073
Okay. Where's Dad?

429
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,990
He's having lunch.
(CHOMPING)

430
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,713
<i>Hi, Dad!</i>

431
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,791
<i>Oh!</i>
(CHUCKLES)

432
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,429
<i>There's my little girl,
on the TV.</i>

433
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,709
<i>I'm glad to see you
talking with your mama.</i>

434
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,871
'Bout time you apologized.

435
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,234
<i>Well, you're
looking good, Dad.</i>

436
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,713
No, he thinks so.

437
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,470
Oh, I have to say, Jess,
you haven't aged that much.

438
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,560
Thank you.

439
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,016
<i>How come you can't
find a successful man</i>

440
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,996
<i>like your sister did,
that Steven fellow?</i>

441
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,640
I mean, believe me,
I love Gabi,

442
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,950
but she looks way too
much like your father

443
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,031
to be the one to
catch a man first.

444
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,755
(SOFTLY) Thanks, Mom.

445
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,637
Well, I called to say hi

446
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,472
<i>and I also called to tell you</i>

447
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,588
that no matter what's happened between us,
you're always my mother.

448
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,190
So, I wanted
to tell you about...

449
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,272
<i>What?</i>
(DOOR CLOSES)

450
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,908
Hey, look, it's Mommy
and Aunt Gabi.

451
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:27,910
I've got to go.
I've got to go.

452
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,096
<i>You want to tell me
about what?</i>

453
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,554
Hi, you wanna see her?
JESSE: Hi, guys. Hi.

454
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,193
And she's gone.

455
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,589
Well, at least
she called you.

456
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,548
Maybe she got a date.

457
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,551
Hi, sweetie.
Hey, bubs.

458
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,736
RUSSELL: Who were you
talking to?

459
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:41,760
Snapchatting.

460
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,358
Oh, what are you, 12?

461
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,919
No, it's fun.

462
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,634
SANDY: This is so
exciting, you guys!

463
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,956
Your first sleepover with
Dad and his new person.

464
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,993
What do you want
us to call her?

465
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,832
Do you want us to
call her "Mom," too?

466
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,478
No, absolutely not.

467
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,790
You just call her
what comes naturally,

468
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,115
but I would say
"ma'am" is good.

469
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,119
Hey!

470
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,714
What's up, boys?

471
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,949
Hey, Henry.
Yeah?

472
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,040
Hi, Sandy.

473
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,269
Hi, Tina.

474
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,475
Hi, boys.

475
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,472
Hi.
Wow!

476
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,631
Oh, gosh,
congratulations.

477
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,151
Thank you.
Isn't it so exciting?

478
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,032
It's thrilling.

479
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,156
I thought you'd
moved back to LA.

480
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,240
Yeah, just
for a minute.

481
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,548
Ah. People said
I should model.

482
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,312
Yeah.

483
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,556
But somebody convinced me
to move back here.

484
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,675
(CHUCKLES)

485
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,398
Boys, I made cookies.

486
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,631
For Peter, guitars,
and for Mikey, baseballs.

487
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,512
Thanks.
Oh. Thanks, Tina.

488
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,749
These are great.

489
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,193
Yeah, come on inside.

490
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,793
Okay, bye, guys.

491
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,176
Have fun.
PETER: See you tomorrow.

492
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,713
Bye, Sandy.
Oh, um...

493
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,796
Tweet at me if you want to
check in or anything,

494
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,279
or check my Instagram.

495
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,136
I'll post some photos
when I get some cute ones.

496
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,310
Yeah, that's exciting.
Okay.

497
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,351
(SOFTLY) "Tweet at me."

498
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,909
She just... Did she just
say, "Tweet at me"? Did she?

499
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,296
I think she just said,
"Tweet me."

500
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,992
I didn't hear that.
Oh, Henry.

501
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,271
Oh, come on.
I knew she was younger, but...

502
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,634
She's almost 30.

503
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,069
(SCOFFS) "She's almost 30"?
In a few years.

504
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,309
My God.

505
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,072
And what is she wearing?

506
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,759
Uh...

507
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,592
What do you
want me to do?

508
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,398
Ask her to dress
more dowdy?

509
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,519
No, just tell her to dress,
put on a pair of pants.

510
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,795
That's not appropriate
for those kids.

511
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,438
You can see
everything's popping out.

512
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,112
Speaking of the kids.
What?

513
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,269
Mother's Day.

514
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,271
What about Mother's Day?

515
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,273
I was wondering if we could
take the kids for half the day

516
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,436
since Tina is
now technically...

517
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,669
Oh, stop.

518
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,593
No, no, no,
don't even say it, no.

519
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,238
You know what I mean.
No, no, no, no.

520
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,719
You got married
five seconds ago.

521
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,109
Can you just... Can we just
slow this down a little bit?

522
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,428
You're angry.
It's all right.

523
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,715
Well, at least consider
it for the boys' sake.

524
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,472
I just did.
Okay.

525
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,560
(STUTTERS) You can...

526
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,837
She can have Flag Day,
Groundhog Day,

527
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,911
any of those days,
Father's Day.

528
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,192
Well, I was just asking.

529
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,759
Yeah, I know,
and you did.

530
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,159
Unbelievable.

531
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:09,880
(DOOR CLOSES)

532
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,317
I'm sorry to interrupt
your spa,

533
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,069
but Miranda's agent, Lance Wallace,
wants to see you right away.

534
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,872
Lance, I'm here.
I'm here. Okay, okay.

535
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,837
Miranda okays
the book-signing poster,

536
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,751
and the essay
winners are ready.

537
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,080
All right, now she wants to
know some interior designers.

538
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,599
She hates the look
of the show.

539
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,558
Well, we've gotten a few
requests from some designers.

540
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,800
But this one
I liked the best.

541
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,149
Her name is Sandy Newhouse.
All right, why?

542
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,514
She lives in Atlanta.

543
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,068
She's designed living rooms,
upscale restaurants,

544
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,280
and a five-star hotel lobby.

545
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,316
All right, well,
she looks smiley and happy.

546
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,280
Make sure she meets Miranda
before we check out.

547
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,032
Okay, and make-up...
Goal!

548
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,792
Hey, hey, hey!
(WHISTLES)

549
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,359
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey!

550
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:55,959
Hey there, Messi!

551
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,837
This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby!

552
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:58,920
No, no, no.
A lobby.

553
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,520
These are the kids of the
big shot HSN executive.

554
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,272
We're entertaining
them this week.

555
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,312
Hey, mister,
can I have my ball back?

556
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,558
There we go.
All right! Soccer rules!

557
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,816
LANCE: (CHUCKLES)
Soccer rules!

558
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,536
Are they gonna be with us all week,
those kids?

559
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:12,913
Yes, they are.

560
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,160
(MUSIC PLAYING)

561
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,516
(SINGING)
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

562
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,038
<i>'Cause he's as
fine as he can be</i>

563
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,712
(WHISPERING)
<i>Not him, it's you.</i>

564
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,239
RACHEL: Dad, dinner's ready.

565
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,437
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

566
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,197
<i>For everything
he does for me</i>

567
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,556
(LAUGHS) <i>I'm doin' it,
doin' it, doin' it</i>

568
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,914
<i>Doin' it, doin' it, yeah</i>

569
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,070
<i>Doin' it, doin' it...</i>

570
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,513
Mom loved karaoke.

571
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,272
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS ON TV)

572
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,675
Remember?

573
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,796
Oh, yes, I certainly do.
(PAUSES VIDEO)

574
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,270
RACHEL: Come on,
let's eat, Dad. Come on.

575
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,588
Let's go.

576
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:52,829
Come on!

577
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,831
Okay. Okay.
What are you doing?

578
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,636
<i>This karaoke video is
just for you, Bradley.</i>

579
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,836
<i>And to my chubbos back home,
Rachel and Vicky.</i>

580
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,397
<i>I love you so much.</i>

581
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,593
<i>I'll be home before you know it.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

582
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,673
<i>Love you.</i>

583
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,079
<i>Love you guys.</i>

584
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,718
Yeah, could you go to the
supermarket for me, please?

585
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,160
Yeah, yeah, of course.

586
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,913
I can, uh...
Yeah, what, uh...

587
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:30,788
What do we need?

588
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,950
Uh, we need juice, eggs...
Uh-huh.

589
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,393
Eggs.

590
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,870
Bread, of course.
Yup.

591
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,157
Um, we need bananas and tampons.
Mmm-hmm.

592
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,355
Yeah.

593
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,598
Uh... Um...

594
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,308
What was that?

595
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,400
Tampons.

596
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,710
Maybe that's something
that can wait, you think?

597
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,030
Uh... No.

598
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,314
I'm just going
to write "T."

599
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,469
I'll know what
that means.

600
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,560
Okay, good.
Mmm-hmm.

601
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,079
Okay, there you go.

602
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,318
Oh, I miss you guys so much.

603
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,709
PETER: <i>Mom, we just saw you,
like, two hours ago.</i>

604
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,711
I know, I know,
but I love you,

605
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,916
and I miss you
when you're not here.

606
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,236
So... Hey, are you guys sure you
want to stay at Daddy's tonight

607
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,351
because I could...
Bye, Mom.

608
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,714
Okay, bye.

609
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,597
Me, too, I'm in.

610
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,832
All in.
ALL: One, two, three!

611
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,319
Oh, my gosh.
(GROANS)

612
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,356
Oh, I won again.
No way.

613
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,360
(SIGHS)

614
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,190
<i>So, Mother's Day is coming and I
will be spending it with my mother.</i>

615
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,714
<i>I brought her out
with my most recent boyfriend</i>

616
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,119
<i>and he leaves
for the bathroom,</i>

617
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,031
<i>not even out of earshot,
and she's like,</i>

618
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,256
<i>"Well, he's
all right, I guess,</i>

619
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,096
<i>"but is that the nose you want
to see on your little girl?"</i>

620
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,951
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(BELL RINGS)

621
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,189
<i>That's my time.</i>

622
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,350
<i>Thank you so much, everyone.</i>

623
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,874
JACKIE: <i>That was
Genevieve Joy.</i>

624
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,235
<i>Once again,
ladies and gentlemen,</i>

625
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,390
<i>welcome to the
Buckhead Comedy Contest</i>

626
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,392
<i>with your host,
former used car legend</i>

627
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,752
<i>and now comedy club owner,
Mr. Wally Burn.</i> (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

628
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,558
<i>Thank you, thank you.</i>

629
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,392
<i>All right, this next guy
coming out,</i>

630
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,040
<i>he's a guy from
the island across the pond</i>

631
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:16,711
<i>that gave us colonialism, Hugh Grant
and the plague.</i> (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

632
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,156
<i>Please put your hands
together for Zack Zim.</i>

633
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,869
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
<i>Zack Zim, have fun!</i>

634
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,154
<i>Good evening, hey, I'm Zack,
originally from Britain,</i>

635
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,596
<i>now living out here in Atlanta, Georgia,
with my girlfriend,</i>

636
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,473
<i>my girlfriend who recently had a baby.</i>
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

637
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,551
<i>No, uh, don't applaud.</i>

638
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,517
<i>Um, it's not mine.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

639
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,915
(MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
<i>No, she is, I hope.</i>

640
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,668
<i>She's amazing.
My girlfriend is American,</i>

641
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,036
<i>but she is desperate for our
child to have a British accent.</i>

642
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,913
<i>That's all she wants.
She won't talk to our child, seriously.</i>

643
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,638
<i>I have to read to
Katie every night.</i>

644
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,551
<i>All the other kids
are watching</i> Sesame Street.

645
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,995
<i>Our baby is sat down
in front of</i> Downton Abbey.

646
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,080
(ALL LAUGHING)

647
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,919
<i>You notice I say
"girlfriend," five years,</i>

648
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,197
<i>we're still not married,
and, boy, have I asked.</i> (CHUCKLES)

649
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,271
<i>It was a struggle enough
to get her to update</i>

650
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,032
<i>her Facebook
profile from "single."</i>

651
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,839
<i>I was like, "Five years,
we have a child together.</i>

652
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,673
<i>"Couldn't you at least make it,
'it's complicated'?"</i>

653
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,159
<i>And it makes
it awkward, though,</i>

654
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,111
<i>like, how do you
introduce each other?</i>

655
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,593
<i>When I introduce Kristin,</i>

656
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,830
<i>I introduce her as
the light of my life,</i>

657
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,430
<i>the song of my soul, the mother
of my child.</i> AUDIENCE: Aw...

658
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,670
<i>And she introduces
me as her roommate.</i>

659
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,239
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

660
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,275
<i>And a great big happy almost
Mother's Day to you terrific...</i>

661
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,000
(CLICKS TONGUE)

662
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,235
Hey.

663
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,076
Can we, um, just go back to the
not married thing for a sec?

664
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,879
Oh, Come on,
please, I am so tired.

665
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,154
I am so tired.

666
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:52,358
I love you, Kristin,
and I do want to marry you.

667
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,950
But I think I don't feel like
getting turned down anymore.

668
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,274
There's something you're not telling me,
but you can.

669
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,435
Whatever it is, we'll get through it,
if we're committed.

670
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,673
I don't know.

671
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,953
Zack, I just...

672
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,635
(STUTTERS)
I don't know. Um...

673
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,396
I don't know either.
(EXHALES)

674
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,950
So, do you
want to take a break?

675
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,032
What? No, never.

676
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:34,795
I just... I need
a little bit more time.

677
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,632
I won't wait forever.

678
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,752
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

679
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,160
(GIBBERISH)

680
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,799
I know,
I'll take it.

681
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,711
I'll take it.
Can I have a kiss, too?

682
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:56,949
Mama wants a kiss.

683
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:58,839
Oh, thank you.
Mama kiss.

684
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,551
BABY: Mama kiss.
JESSE: Mama kiss.

685
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:02,675
Sandy?

686
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,153
Hi.
Hi.

687
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:05,509
Hey!

688
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,511
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi, hello.

689
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,398
This is my friend Kristin.

690
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,595
Hey, Kristin.

691
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,696
That's her
little one, Katie.

692
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,256
JESSE: Kristin and I met
at Mommy and Me.

693
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,280
SANDY: Oh, sweet.

694
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:15,360
JESSE: So, how'd it go?

695
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,636
I got the interview.
Great.

696
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,616
I don't know what's going to happen,
but, you know,

697
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,456
at least I... I'm just
hoping to have something

698
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,118
to keep my mind
off of all of the...

699
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:24,593
JESSE: Yeah.
SANDY: You know.

700
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,513
So, Sandy's ex-husband
just got remarried...

701
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,113
Oh...
...to, like, a 12-year-old.

702
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,428
Oh!
Yeah. So...

703
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,520
(ALL CHUCKLING)

704
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,656
Well, I was actually going to say
carpooling and bagging lunches,

705
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,591
but, you know, or that.
JESSE: Okay, I'm sorry!

706
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,176
I'd like to get my
mind off of that. (CHUCKLES)

707
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,315
I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS)

708
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:39,440
I'm sorry!
No, it was just,

709
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,839
we were on the topic
of marriage

710
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,714
and she's got cold feet, which is...
Oh...

711
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,592
I get that.
I get that.

712
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,376
So, that's what's happening here.
(BABY MUMBLING)

713
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,628
Yeah.
Hi!

714
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,640
JESSE: Yeah, we get it.
SANDY: But you know what?

715
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,314
You don't know until you give
it a shot is the truth, right?

716
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:55,400
Yeah.

717
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,793
Really? Were you, like, sure?
Uh-uh.

718
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,359
Are you ever sure?

719
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,475
JESSE: I was sure.

720
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,278
You were sure?
You were totally sure?

721
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,828
100%, going Indian
all the way.

722
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,392
Huh. I mean, I was 100%
certain I wanted kids.

723
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,272
Yeah, well,
that, of course.

724
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,790
I mean, I can't imagine...
Just the other stuff I don't know about.

725
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,148
Well, that's you guys.

726
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,834
I'm not the best person
to be giving marital advice.

727
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,876
KRISTIN: (LAUGHS) No, no,
I do need to hear

728
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,110
because it's the divorce
thing that scares me,

729
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,510
because I don't know what that
would be like for her and...

730
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,593
You don't go into a marriage thinking
you're going to get a divorce.

731
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,878
(CHUCKLES) Obviously.
SANDY: Nobody does.

732
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,236
You know,
life happens and if it does,

733
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,999
then you've got a lot
more closet space...

734
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,080
Yeah.

735
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,078
Extra sink, no snoring,
you know, a lot of positives.

736
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,200
(LAUGHS) Yeah.

737
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,595
You're really just doing what's
best for the kids, right?

738
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,551
And yourself, but the kids.

739
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,030
By the way, your child is
eating sand, if you...

740
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,679
JESSE: Tanner, don't eat that.

741
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:54,875
There's cat poop in it.

742
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,029
(SHUDDERS)

743
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,120
That's so gross.

744
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,840
What if there is cat poop...
No, he's fine.

745
00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,960
They survive...

746
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,976
Cat poop... and then they
grow up to be just like us.

747
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,673
SANDY: Yeah, and they have
a very healthy immune system.

748
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,576
Anyway, I'm going to go to the kids' show.
JESSE: Okay.

749
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,416
Hey, if you're going to come,
will you just text me?

750
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,656
KRISTIN: It was
nice meeting you.

751
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:10,816
Nice to meet you.
And I'll save you a seat?

752
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:11,875
JESSE: Yes.

753
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:13,188
Okay, or tweet at me.

754
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,713
Yeah, I'll text...
I'll tweet...

755
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,392
What? Tweet you?

756
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,456
Yeah, see, right? That didn't sound right.
JESSE: Mmm-mmm.

757
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,152
What is that?
I was just trying it out.

758
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,395
Okay, bye.

759
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,599
Kristin, what's wrong?

760
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,274
What happened?

761
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:29,960
(SHUSHING)

762
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:33,920
Are you okay?

763
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,316
I love Zack, but there's a
reason I'm afraid of marriage.

764
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:38,800
Um...

765
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:46,834
The truth is I have no
idea who the hell I am.

766
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,400
That's a big one.

767
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,353
I was adopted.

768
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,509
Oh, okay.

769
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,992
And I never met my
biological mother.

770
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:00,513
You never
told me that.

771
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,797
Never told anyone
that, only Zack.

772
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:10,276
And I've always wondered,
did she just throw me away?

773
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,354
Or, you know, was there a
reason she got rid of me?

774
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,670
Aw.
I have abandonment issues.

775
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:22,590
Honey, I'm sure you have
a million questions,

776
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,116
but then you know
what you have to do.

777
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,519
You have to
find your mother.

778
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,352
I already did.

779
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,438
Then I'm missing
the point.

780
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,511
I've no...
What do you mean?

781
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,795
(CHUCKLES) I mean,
I have her address,

782
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,350
I just haven't had
the courage to contact her.

783
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:39,959
I'm really scared.

784
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,871
God, of course. That's...

785
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,396
Who wouldn't be?
I mean, that's crazy.

786
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,869
You don't even know what
she's going to be like.

787
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,639
You don't even
know your mother

788
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,392
and she has this
power over you.

789
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,239
You're going to have to
face it sooner or later.

790
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:55,548
You can do it.
(SIGHS) Really?

791
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:56,856
Yes, you should just do it.
Yeah.

792
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,836
You're right, you're right,
you're right.

793
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,911
Okay.
Yeah, and get it over with.

794
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,396
You're, you know...
I mean, now you'll face it.

795
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,376
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
You're right, you're right, you're right.

796
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,470
I'm going to do it. I got it.

797
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,913
You will have it.

798
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,194
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Jess.

799
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,395
<i>Hi, I'm Bobby Lee,</i>

800
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,950
<i>principal here at Millard
Fillmore Middle School.</i>

801
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:18,758
<i>And we're really
excited about this show.</i>

802
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:19,896
<i>We're gonna start
in a few minutes.</i>

803
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,656
<i>The kids are very excited and later,
we're going to be...</i>

804
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,829
Sandy, hi.

805
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,480
<i>...featuring the Fillmore band in concert.
How about that?</i>

806
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:26,595
What are you doing here?

807
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,148
I didn't think
you'd mind. Here.

808
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,559
I kind of mind.

809
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:31,908
I had to hear Peter's riff.

810
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,376
We were up late last
night working on it.

811
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,960
SANDY: You were
working on Peter's riff?

812
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,896
TINA: Yeah, I was in an
all-girl band in high school.

813
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,956
My gosh,
Peter's gotten so good.

814
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,696
You know, we just want
to encourage his music,

815
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,576
so we're taking the boys to the Foo
Fighters concert this weekend. But...

816
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:44,920
What? Don't say
anything to Peter.

817
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,359
It's a surprise.

818
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,591
And don't even get me
started on Dave Grohl.

819
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:50,755
Don't tell Henry.

820
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,589
Okay, Tina, Tina, Tina,
Tina, that's it.

821
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,358
I'm done. I'm done
with surprises.

822
00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,194
I really am. This week,
enough surprises, seriously.

823
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:01,839
Okay, is something wrong?

824
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,399
Yes, something is wrong.

825
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,717
I got here an hour early,
so I could get a front row seat,

826
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,395
and have a perfect camera
angle and watch my children.

827
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,311
And now you're sitting
right here next to me.

828
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:13,879
Because the seat was open.

829
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:18,158
It was for my purse, my purse's seat, okay?
My purse's seat is right here.

830
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,549
God, you cannot just show up
here late and then sit there.

831
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,631
You just can't
do that. We need...

832
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:27,073
We need boundaries.

833
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,434
We need some rules, Tina.

834
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:29,640
Rules?

835
00:34:29,720 --> 00:34:31,756
Like, sitting in
an open seat?

836
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,916
I don't know what
the rules are yet, Tina.

837
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,976
I don't know what they are,
but I just know we have them,

838
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,718
and you're breaking all of them.
Okay.

839
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,296
I've just gotta get...
ANNOUNCER: <i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

840
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,197
(SHUSHING)
<i>Animals on Parade!</i>

841
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:46,673
(SINGING) <i>Old MacDonald had a farm
Ee I ee I oh</i>

842
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,557
<i>And on his farm
he had a penguin...</i>

843
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,631
<i>What, why?</i>

844
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,434
<i>He also had a helper,
it seems.</i>

845
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,352
Oh, there's Mikey.
Hi, honey.

846
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,199
<i>A lion! He's got a...</i>

847
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,433
Oh, my God,
the costume's on backwards.

848
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,953
<i>He had a lion...</i>

849
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,394
(ALL LAUGHING)

850
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,034
Did you do that?

851
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,040
Peter.

852
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:12,880
Don't touch it,
don't touch it.

853
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:13,960
(GASPS)

854
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,559
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)

855
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,349
<i>Ee I ee I oh</i>

856
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,509
Yeah, that's good.

857
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,676
The producers have asked
to push the crystals.

858
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,193
Traffic has slowed down.

859
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,789
Five, four, three, two...

860
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,912
Welcome back, everyone.

861
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,797
All right, dads and husbands,

862
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,236
take a look at these
beautiful mood pendants.

863
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,756
Mother's Day, just a few days away,
this is your chance.

864
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,678
MAN: And we're clear.

865
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,638
<i>We need a price check
on organic cotton...</i>

866
00:35:58,400 --> 00:35:59,674
No, that's not necessary.

867
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,552
They are...
They're 9 bucks.

868
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,113
They're 9 bucks each.

869
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,590
<i>Cancel that price check on tampons,
the organic cotton ones.</i>

870
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,680
Daughter?

871
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,516
Oh, uh, yeah.

872
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,517
Two actually, but only one is currently,
you know, becoming a woman.

873
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,480
Got you.

874
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,469
Yeah, their mom
used to do this, but...

875
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:27,634
Well, I do it now.

876
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,838
Same boat, two sons.

877
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,598
How is that the same boat?

878
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,031
(STAMMERING)
I guess just the number.

879
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,396
Sorry, I don't usually eavesdrop
on other people's carts.

880
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,995
It's just... I'm Sandy,
I have two sons.

881
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:48,869
I already said that.

882
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:50,640
Yes, you did.

883
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:52,756
I can take you over here.
Oh, thank you.

884
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,635
Sandy, two sons, same boat.

885
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,109
Oh, thank you.

886
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,758
All right, well, bye.

887
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,032
Yeah, it was nice meeting you,
Sandy with two sons.

888
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:06,639
It was two, right?

889
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,309
Yeah.

890
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:12,989
(PHONE RINGING)

891
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,198
Hey, Henry, what's up?

892
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,394
Hey, are the boys'
passports up to date?

893
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:22,790
Their passports?

894
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,355
I am planning our
summer vacation.

895
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:26,635
Um...

896
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,833
Okay, where are you
planning this vacation?

897
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,958
We're going to Paris.
Tina's never been.

898
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,556
Paris, uh, France?

899
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:40,160
Uh-huh.

900
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,833
SANDY: <i>Are you kidding me?</i>

901
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,635
No, I'm not. Why?

902
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,073
I got to go.

903
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,200
(STAMMERS)

904
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:48,515
Bye.

905
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:51,349
Hello?

906
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,515
Hello?

907
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,671
So, how'd she take it?

908
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,439
Like a champ.

909
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,758
Oh, you've got to
be kidding me!

910
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,511
(SOBS) Paris?

911
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,351
Paris, Paris, Paris!

912
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:12,640
That's...

913
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:17,238
We could not get our shit together
for 13 years to get to Paris.

914
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:18,960
(SANDY YELLS)

915
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,111
Now he's taking Tina. Tina.

916
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,872
Now he's taking Tina.

917
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,114
It's the only place I've wanted to go
since I was a kid and I read Madeline!

918
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,834
I don't even think she knows
who the hell Madeline is!

919
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:34,034
Oh, my God,
this is not happening!

920
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,997
This is not
happening! (GRUNTS)

921
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:41,235
Oh, man, you know, you couldn't
have taken her to London

922
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,392
or to fuckin'
Disneyland maybe?

923
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,994
I don't know,
how about take her to the prom?

924
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,594
That's somewhere I bet
she hasn't been yet.

925
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,120
Jesus...

926
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,709
Freaking Tina! (GRUNTING)

927
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,520
(SOBS)

928
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,239
I'd hate to see
her in traffic.

929
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:01,594
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

930
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,828
BRADLEY: That's it.

931
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,239
That's it, go!

932
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:10,440
Over here!

933
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,355
BRADLEY: Cross it!

934
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,591
That's it. Rachel's open.

935
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,477
There you go. That's it.

936
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,035
Yeah, move it!

937
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,120
Hurry!

938
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,599
Goal!

939
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,199
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(GIRLS CHEERING)

940
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,549
Did not cross
the line! No goal!

941
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,513
What? What?
What are you talking about?

942
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:35,840
Go back to your coaching area!

943
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:37,976
No, no, no, no,
not until you reverse that call, man.

944
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,035
I'm warning you.

945
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,076
Hey, you're warning me what?
Look at the crowd.

946
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,192
Easy, mister.
I've got this, Lisa.

947
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,416
What? There's not
many of them.

948
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:45,475
No, no, look at them.

949
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:47,633
Okay, you've got,
like, five dozen

950
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,216
different recorded
versions of that play

951
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:50,753
you completely
missed right there.

952
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,160
Why don't you
just walk over there

953
00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:53,496
and ask one of them
to replay it for you,

954
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:54,936
then you'll see you're wrong,
we'll win the game

955
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,120
and then you can stumble home
with your seeing-eye dog.

956
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,599
That's it. (BLOWS WHISTLE)

957
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,069
Yellow card!

958
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,195
(GIRLS SIGH)

959
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:02,679
Yellow card?
Are you...

960
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,033
Oh, he blew
another man's whistle.

961
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,616
Did you just blow my whistle?
You're damn right.

962
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:07,976
You do not blow
another man's whistle.

963
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,070
You do when he
blows the game for you!

964
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,799
All right,
that's it, red card!

965
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,200
You're gone.

966
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,958
I'm gone? Okay,
good to know.

967
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,678
Okay, you know what?
I'm gone.

968
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,156
Now your ball's gone.
That's what's gone, okay?

969
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:21,315
Hey, Kimberly!

970
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,909
Oh, I've got to go!

971
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,070
You take over, okay?
JODI: Yeah, you better go.

972
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,776
Yeah, thank you.
If anybody's looking for me,

973
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,189
I'll be out in the parking lot
calling LensCrafters,

974
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:30,833
making that guy
an appointment!

975
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,160
Baby, you better go.
You're going to get hurt.

976
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,233
Spare ball, please.

977
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:36,509
Knucklehead!

978
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,194
All right, you're gone.

979
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:51,036
You... A pox
upon your whistle.

980
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,000
(WHISTLES)

981
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:55,475
Play ball!

982
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,075
Next.

983
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,672
Yeah, hi.
Could we get a large pizza?

984
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,637
What kind you want?
Cheese.

985
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,550
Large cheese pizza
and three sodas to go.

986
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,033
Wait over there, please.

987
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,193
Where'd you hear that "pox on my whistle"?
What's that from?

988
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,271
Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, huh?

989
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,594
William Shakespeare?

990
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:16,073
No, Bob Shakespeare.

991
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,275
Who else would it...

992
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,879
Why are you talking
to me like this?

993
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:21,074
You, too, now?

994
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,856
WOMAN 1: I can't
believe we lost.

995
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,056
WOMAN 2: I think
that ball was deflated.

996
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,115
WOMAN 1: Totally.

997
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:26,474
Tom Brady is hot.

998
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,669
Hey, want to go
get some ice cream?

999
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,153
As a makeup present?

1000
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,395
Make up for what?

1001
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,471
Acting like Mopey Dick
half the time.

1002
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:37,913
I'm sorry, Mopey Dick?

1003
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,478
Yeah, being sad
all the time,

1004
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,559
obsessing over soccer
so you can get closer to Mom,

1005
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,438
watching those
videos over and over.

1006
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,313
She's gone, Dad, and we're all sad,
but for how long?

1007
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,776
And acting like an asshole with
that ref doesn't help anyone.

1008
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:58,835
Hey, watch your language.

1009
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,239
You know what?
Yeah, I cuss.

1010
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,276
That's because I'm
an unsupervised teen

1011
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,256
and while I'm at it,
I don't mind taking care of Vicky

1012
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,077
and doing all the housework
and the cooking.

1013
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,390
Dad, I'm only 16,
I have a life.

1014
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,879
I know, okay?

1015
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:13,797
Tommy's here.
I've got to go.

1016
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,636
Wait, where are you going?
Just stop.

1017
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,391
Is this the boy
that likes you?

1018
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,391
Hey, Rachel,
what are you doing?

1019
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:23,434
Go, come on.

1020
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:24,960
BRADLEY: Rachel,
get out of the car.

1021
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:26,875
Get out.

1022
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,996
You're going to roll
up the window on me.

1023
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,510
Hey, wait until it stops
and then get out of the car.

1024
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,633
Unbelievable.

1025
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,114
(LAUGHTER)

1026
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,910
<i>But my friend comes
to me and she goes,</i>

1027
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,073
<i>"Oh, my God, Mia,
I have met the perfect guy for you."</i>

1028
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:48,358
<i>She shows me his picture,
and this dude was at least 75, okay?</i>

1029
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,309
<i>And I am not.</i>

1030
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,992
<i>And I said, "Um, his eyes
have cataracts,</i>

1031
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,556
<i>"mine have hope, okay?"</i>

1032
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,273
(ALL LAUGHING)

1033
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,633
She is killing 'em.

1034
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,072
She's also
killing the boss.

1035
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,319
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?

1036
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,118
Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine.

1037
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,616
Do you know where the pool is?
I'm looking for Miranda Collins.

1038
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:43,696
Yeah, it's right
through that door.

1039
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,720
But, can I help you with the rip?
SANDY: No, I'm...

1040
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,336
Sorry, watch out behind you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry!

1041
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,191
Thank you. You sure I
can't help with the rip?

1042
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:50,548
I got a safety pin.

1043
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,830
No, no, thank you,
I'm late for a meeting.

1044
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,997
Bigger smile.
Bigger smile, yeah.

1045
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,071
There you go. Perfect.

1046
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,758
Have a nice day.
Next.

1047
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,000
Thank you.

1048
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,837
Congratulations.

1049
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,831
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Shoot!

1050
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,315
One more.

1051
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,198
Ma'am, these are contest winners.
Only they get pictures.

1052
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,816
I'm not... I'm actually
not here for a picture.

1053
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,114
I'm here to
show Miranda this.

1054
00:44:11,240 --> 00:44:12,275
Fine, stay here.

1055
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,736
But, there's actually...
Hey, hey, hey!

1056
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:14,760
How cute.

1057
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:15,989
That's very sweet.
Miranda!

1058
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,911
I'm sorry, that's...
Congratulations.

1059
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,598
I'm not a contest winner.

1060
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:20,988
Then why am I
hugging you?

1061
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,196
I'm sorry. I'm late.
I'm here for the interview.

1062
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:24,376
We're not doing
any press today.

1063
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:25,520
No. I'm not
interviewing you.

1064
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,056
She's interviewing me.
You need to calm down.

1065
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,548
I need to calm down?
I'm not here for a photograph.

1066
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,153
I'm here for a job.

1067
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,434
Oh, you must be Sandy.

1068
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:33,589
Yes, I'm Sandy!

1069
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,671
Yes! Well, you missed
the design meeting.

1070
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:36,896
Miranda is a very
busy person.

1071
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:38,280
SANDY: Oh, really?
Is Miranda busy?

1072
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,472
Well, I would have
been here on time

1073
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,120
if my ex-husband
hadn't married a tween,

1074
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,829
or if my doctor had called in
my child's asthma medication,

1075
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,478
or if my mother-mobile
went faster

1076
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,073
than 4 miles per
hour on the freeway.

1077
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,238
But I understand it. I get it.
Her time is very valuable.

1078
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,437
And she's very busy.
My time is not.

1079
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,436
My bra's on inside out.

1080
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,096
Would you like me
to help you with your bra?

1081
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,429
No! Uh... Thank you, though.

1082
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,353
I like your blouse.

1083
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,998
Thank you. I just made this.

1084
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:17,349
PHOTOGRAPHER: Next.

1085
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,914
Look at me, look right here.

1086
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,269
It's not a date. Oh, just...

1087
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,389
Great.

1088
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,993
That's a waste of my time.

1089
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,993
Oh, I'm Miranda.
I'm the busiest woman in the world.

1090
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:34,789
Where is she, Betty?

1091
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,472
There she is,
talking to herself.

1092
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:37,869
Thanks, Betty.

1093
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,151
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, ma'am.

1094
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,434
I'm sorry, Miss Collins
would like to see you now.

1095
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:46,879
She would?
Yes.

1096
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,389
Okay.

1097
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:49,879
Oh, shoot!

1098
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:51,240
Um...

1099
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,678
One second, one second.

1100
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,032
Can I help you with something?

1101
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,616
Watch yourself.
Don't get stuck in there now.

1102
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:00,640
Would you...
Okay, sure.

1103
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:01,755
I got it. I got it.
Yep.

1104
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,319
Okay?
Yes, I got it.

1105
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,277
You sure you got everything?
Hello in there.

1106
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:06,456
You want this back?
No, no, no.

1107
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:07,674
No, okay.

1108
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:14,634
Uh, okay, so,
I was trying to create

1109
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,473
a little bit more
flow and, um...

1110
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:18,560
(STAMMERS)

1111
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,035
Gosh, your head just really
snapped right off there.

1112
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,120
Anyhow.

1113
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,033
So, that's why I kind of
rounded out these edges

1114
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:27,559
a little bit and
opened it up.

1115
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,720
And also, um...

1116
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:30,512
How long has
your son had asthma?

1117
00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:34,233
His whole life.

1118
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,271
But the doctors say that they
can grow out of it sometimes.

1119
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:42,718
Do you have kids?
No.

1120
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:44,999
Career.
Sure.

1121
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:46,080
Keeps me busy.

1122
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,715
Yeah, of course.

1123
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:54,071
Tell me more about this
tween and your ex-husband.

1124
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,477
Oh, yeah.

1125
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,233
Oh, I'm sure I exaggerated
about that a little bit.

1126
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,272
I'm sure she's older,
but I'll have a better idea

1127
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:03,833
once all the acne clears up.

1128
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:05,751
(LAUGHS)

1129
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,273
You're funny.

1130
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,191
You have to be
more fun than she is.

1131
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,113
I am, I am.

1132
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,956
Well, you should hold on to that.
Yeah.

1133
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,389
Yeah.

1134
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:22,276
Okay, I feel like I should keep
pitching you my... The set, so...

1135
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,550
No, not at all.
You're hired.

1136
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,357
That's it?
Mmm-hmm.

1137
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,193
And I dare say with this new job,
you might be able to afford

1138
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,599
a slightly faster car.

1139
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,834
Not a Maserati,
but slightly faster car.

1140
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,354
I'm so sorry for that
explosion out there.

1141
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:40,238
Don't be. It got our
attention, didn't it?

1142
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,151
Also a trait to hold on to.

1143
00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,392
Okay, thank you.

1144
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:47,756
(WHISPERS) I'll hold on to that, and
I'm funny... I've a lot to hold on to.

1145
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,308
I know that you're
very busy, Miranda, so...

1146
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:51,998
One last thing.

1147
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,839
There is one final
souvenir to give away,

1148
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,633
though you were not
an essay-contest winner.

1149
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:01,997
Thank you. 100% gold-plated
hypoallergenic bangle.

1150
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:03,120
Oh.
Just for you.

1151
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,153
Oh, my gosh.
This has been a great day.

1152
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:07,320
(CHUCKLES)

1153
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,480
Jess, our blender's broken.
We're using yours.

1154
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:13,715
Okay.
Hey.

1155
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:14,800
Hi.

1156
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,108
Where's Russell and the kids?

1157
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,476
Oh, they're out in the garage popping
the bubble wrap on the float.

1158
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,393
(SKYPE CALL TUNE PLAYING)

1159
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,479
It's them. You answer it.

1160
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:25,600
It's your Skype.

1161
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:26,675
It's your parents.

1162
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,079
GABI: Your parents, too.

1163
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,229
You know what?

1164
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,073
This is something that I can do for you,
is answer and talk to them.

1165
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:33,912
Thank you.
But I'd rather do this.

1166
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,069
(SCREAMS)

1167
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,071
Oh, my God.
(LAUGHING)

1168
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,108
Dad.

1169
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:40,680
EARL: <i>Hi, Jess.</i>

1170
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:44,110
<i>I want to talk to you about a
Mother's Day present for my old lady.</i>

1171
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:45,320
Uh...

1172
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,270
The old lady,
meaning my mother?

1173
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,352
<i>Yeah, I've got the greatest
idea in the world.</i>

1174
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:53,440
Okay.

1175
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:57,115
<i>A present that's going to knock
your mama plum out of her panties.</i>

1176
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,200
Whoo!

1177
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,632
Dad, that is a really
interesting visual.

1178
00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:03,551
FLO: <i>What are you
guys talking about?</i>

1179
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:06,592
Mom, I thought... Dad, I thought
you wanted it to be a surprise?

1180
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,352
<i>Oh, it will be.</i>

1181
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,198
(DOORBEL RINGS)
Come in, door's open.

1182
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:12,229
Hello?

1183
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:14,879
Hello? Dad?

1184
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:16,469
Surprise!
(SCREAMS)

1185
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,715
Oh, my God!
That was... What?

1186
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,033
What?

1187
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:23,309
(INDISTINCT)

1188
00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:27,835
Yes, you have that here now.

1189
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,876
That's crazy.

1190
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:31,989
Gabi!

1191
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:33,594
(INDISTINCT)

1192
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,039
Gabi!

1193
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:36,913
Oh, it's you guys.

1194
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,194
Yeah, it is!

1195
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,159
Oh, sweetheart.

1196
00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:42,856
JESSE: Gabi, you're not
going to believe it.

1197
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,838
You guys are
supposed to be in Texas.

1198
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:47,188
I lied.

1199
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,955
We've been driving
20 hours straight.

1200
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,799
I thought with us making up
on the Skype and all

1201
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:53,989
and Gabi's engagement,

1202
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,755
what a great
Mother's Day surprise,

1203
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,438
a couple of days early.

1204
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:00,669
Mom, Dad!

1205
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,955
What are you guys doing here?

1206
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:04,360
Yay!

1207
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:06,593
Oh!

1208
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:08,880
Hi, Daddy.

1209
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:10,353
Hi, sweetheart.

1210
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,749
Hey, listen. Uh, where's
the little ladies' room?

1211
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,518
Down the hall.
EARL: I'll be right back.

1212
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:16,079
FLO: I just can't
take him anywhere.

1213
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:17,759
Oh...
Oh!

1214
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,355
Well, I'll say,
this is some kind of casa.

1215
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,193
Thank you.

1216
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:25,032
That's not good.
It's not good.

1217
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:26,976
You need to call Russell.
Text Russell right now.

1218
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,035
Okay.

1219
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:29,136
Text Russell, tell him
don't leave the garage

1220
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:30,576
and don't let the kids
get out of the garage.

1221
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,635
Just stay in the garage.

1222
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:33,951
Oh, look at that picture.

1223
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,115
I don't like it.

1224
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,793
I don't live here.

1225
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,749
Uh... Oh, hello there,
I'm Gabi's mom.

1226
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,592
You must be Steven.

1227
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:45,600
Oh!

1228
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:46,915
(CHUCKLES)

1229
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:48,189
I'm sorry.

1230
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,590
I'm sorry, I thought
you were someone else.

1231
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:52,999
You're Gabi's mom?

1232
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:54,519
Yes, and who are you?
Oh.

1233
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,640
(STUTTERS) Um, I'm,...

1234
00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:01,230
I'm Max, I'm Gabi's partner.

1235
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:05,154
In crime. This is her
partner in crime, Max.

1236
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:09,473
Well, good as new.

1237
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:10,560
Oh.

1238
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:11,789
You got any beer?

1239
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:13,195
Yes.

1240
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,878
We could always
go out for a beer.

1241
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,468
Uh, uh...

1242
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,352
Hoegaarden, Stella...

1243
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,393
No.
Kingfisher...

1244
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,155
It sounds like
the freakin' United Nations.

1245
00:51:24,720 --> 00:51:28,952
Uh, no, no, I'll import
some American brew from my RV.

1246
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,155
Be right back.

1247
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:31,468
Where is Steven?

1248
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:33,875
BOTH: Oh.

1249
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,399
Good luck.
Steven is...

1250
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,520
FLO: Steven.

1251
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:37,595
The one that...

1252
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,715
Gabi's fiancé.

1253
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,030
I'm excited to meet
my future son-in-law.

1254
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:42,599
Are you? Okay.

1255
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,797
Mom, um,
there is no Steven.

1256
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:47,871
Max is my partner.

1257
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,198
Your business partner?

1258
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,874
No, um, my life partner.

1259
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,438
Your li...

1260
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,108
Uh, what...

1261
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,031
I'm Gabi's wife.

1262
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:02,360
Huh?

1263
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,670
We're wives.

1264
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,550
No! No!

1265
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,154
What did I miss?
Oh!

1266
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,800
A heck of an episode
of <i>The Jerry Springer Show.</i>

1267
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,512
Doesn't get any
better than Jerry.

1268
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,558
Hey, Jesse, why am I
staying in the... Oh, hello.

1269
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,280
And we are back from commercial.
Go back.

1270
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:21,715
Are you the houseboy?

1271
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,632
No, who the hell are you?

1272
00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:26,153
Well, I'm Jesse's father.

1273
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:27,360
Okay, that's not funny, pal,

1274
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,834
because Jesse's
father and mother

1275
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,388
are in a dementia
facility in Arizona, right?

1276
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,354
Dementia, my butt.

1277
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,239
We live in Texas.

1278
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:39,920
You're going to tell me
that you're Jesse's mother?

1279
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:41,275
Oh, yeah.

1280
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,595
Well, who in
the Sam H. are you?

1281
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,593
Well, I am Jesse's husband,
I think.

1282
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,388
Are we on <i>The Jerry Springer
Show</i> right now?

1283
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:51,152
Are we?
(STUTTERS) Wait, wait, wait.

1284
00:52:51,240 --> 00:52:52,673
Jesse's not married.

1285
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:54,432
Oh, oh, yes, she is.

1286
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,073
Yes, she is, to me.

1287
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,235
To him.

1288
00:52:58,080 --> 00:52:59,718
Oh, holy hell.

1289
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,915
You've got a towel-head
for a husband?

1290
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:04,837
I thought you
broke up with him.

1291
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:08,356
Okay, FYI, towel-head,
super offensive. So...

1292
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:09,919
It's very offensive.

1293
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,273
You got married and
you didn't tell us?

1294
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,755
So is Gabi and
to a gay person.

1295
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,468
What?
Mom, I'm a gay person.

1296
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:19,879
She is a gay person.

1297
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:21,837
Sweet jumpin' Jesus.

1298
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,348
Let's go, Flo.

1299
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,192
There's a whole lot
of life going on here

1300
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:26,998
that has nothing
to do with us.

1301
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,156
This isn't the surprise
I was looking for.

1302
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:30,998
You'll be fine
and so will he.

1303
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:32,514
Oh, thanks, Mom.

1304
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,756
Just get a divorce
before he gets you pregnant.

1305
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:35,909
EARL: Amen.

1306
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,638
CHARLIE: Tanner needs you,
Uncle Russell.

1307
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:40,475
Hey, buddy, come here.

1308
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,631
(TANNER MUTTERING)

1309
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,832
Who are they?

1310
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:46,990
Uh, this is ours. Hi.

1311
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:48,160
Tanner.

1312
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:49,955
Can you say hi?

1313
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:52,079
Say hi, Grandma, hi, Grandpa.

1314
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:53,160
Yes.

1315
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,351
And, uh, Charlie is my child.

1316
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:56,793
That I adopted.

1317
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,951
I came from a sperm donor.
That's right.

1318
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:00,837
He might have been named Steven.
Mmm-hmm.

1319
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,717
Those were your grandparents.
Mmm-hmm?

1320
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,275
And I put on a bra for this?

1321
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,634
(POPPING)

1322
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:13,040
Oh.

1323
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,316
Look, it's black.

1324
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,756
Oh! Now,
that's the last straw.

1325
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:20,875
What?

1326
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:22,029
The tire, it's flat.
Oh.

1327
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:24,672
Don't worry, Fluffy.

1328
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,279
We'll get it fixed tomorrow.

1329
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:28,353
The tire, maybe.

1330
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,115
JESSE: You don't need this.

1331
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:34,557
Look, you told me that your parents
were mentally incapacitated.

1332
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,193
Trust me, they are.

1333
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,511
Oh? They are, and besides,
it was our first date.

1334
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,150
Okay, who doesn't lie
on their first date?

1335
00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:45,312
Oh, really? Well, what about
our second date and 50th date

1336
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,231
and what about the, um...

1337
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,118
Hey! Oh! The time that we
had a child together?

1338
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:53,636
Do you realize that you lied to me
about your parents?

1339
00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:55,790
I lie to everybody
about my parents.

1340
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:57,108
Oh, that's reassuring.

1341
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,430
I lie about my horrible
life in that trailer park.

1342
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,393
I was a freshman in high school,
saving every dime that I had

1343
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,511
so that I could
just get out of there.

1344
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,319
No graduation,
cap, gown, on a bus.

1345
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:09,709
Good, I get it,
you hate your parents.

1346
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,119
No, I don't hate them.

1347
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:12,840
They're my parents,
so I love them, but...

1348
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,313
Honey, it's not...

1349
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,755
It's just that they're
wrong about so much

1350
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:20,269
and they're wrong
about how they treat people,

1351
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,576
they're wrong about how they
honor people's differences...

1352
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,033
You know what's
the worst part,

1353
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,917
is that you lied
to them about me.

1354
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:29,256
(IN AN INDIAN ACCENT) Why? Because it's so
terrible to be married to a towel-head!

1355
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:30,315
(VOCALIZING)

1356
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,992
How embarrassing for you.

1357
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:34,071
Yeah, they should have
called me Dr. Towel-Head.

1358
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,160
Where are you going?

1359
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:38,400
Ready?

1360
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:41,433
(GROANING)
Good.

1361
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,438
(CONTINUES GROANING)

1362
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:45,635
Okay.

1363
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:46,909
Good!

1364
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,035
How'd I do?

1365
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,270
Amazing. You were so good.
Yeah. Yeah.

1366
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,509
It was really...
Help?

1367
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,158
Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.

1368
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:54,998
Um, I think
I'm going to go to yoga.

1369
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,120
Yeah, yeah, please.

1370
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,236
No, yeah,
a little safer, I guess.

1371
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:02,430
Hey, look,
I need your guys' help.

1372
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:03,560
Oh!

1373
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,598
Yeah, we've got
the perfect girl for you.

1374
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,033
No, no, no, not that.

1375
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:08,758
Look, um,
I want to know everything

1376
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:10,432
you guys know
about this Tommy kid.

1377
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,949
I like his mother, Denise.
I know!

1378
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,917
She's always
volunteering for school.

1379
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,228
That's nice.

1380
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,436
Her banana bread is nothing
to write home about.

1381
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:19,709
It's dry on a good day.

1382
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,360
Okay, I don't need you talking
trash about her bake sale goods.

1383
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,199
Look, I want to know,
should I let her date him?

1384
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:26,713
Do you have a choice?

1385
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:28,320
SANDY: Where's the yoga class?

1386
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,240
MAN: It's right over there.
It starts at 10:00.

1387
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:31,674
Sorry.

1388
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:37,789
Where's he going?

1389
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:42,798
Hey, what are you
doing back there?

1390
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,951
Uh... Just checking your form.

1391
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:46,109
It's good. Nice job.

1392
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:47,280
LADY: Buns of steel, right?

1393
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,791
No, no, no. Yeah, I have a choice, okay?
I'm her father.

1394
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:53,235
Hmm. If you say no,
they start rebelling,

1395
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,276
start telling lies
and keeping secrets.

1396
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:57,112
Sneaking out, running away.

1397
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,795
Yeah, it could lead to meth,
prostitution and possibly dating a drummer.

1398
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:02,558
Okay, look, that's not
helpful right now.

1399
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:05,752
I want to know one thing,
is he a nice boy or not a nice boy?

1400
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,149
That's it.
All redheads are nice.

1401
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,552
I think he's a nice boy.
Yeah.

1402
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:12,759
He's all right.

1403
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:14,353
So, what about Mother's Day?

1404
00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:17,119
Uh, I'll be back.

1405
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,120
KRISTIN: Sleep tight, Katie.

1406
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,030
All right,
finally got her down to sleep

1407
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,350
just in time for
you to take her home.

1408
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:31,874
Hello, I'm sensing
some disappointment.

1409
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,915
I would have heard back
from the club by now.

1410
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:36,877
I don't get it.
I thought I killed.

1411
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,270
I'm sure you murdered,
destroyed, annihilated.

1412
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,479
I must have been better
than the girl with the banjo.

1413
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,394
Hey, you are the most
talented comic in this town.

1414
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:51,471
We open in 10 minutes, people.

1415
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,710
Sh... What are you, Shorty?

1416
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:56,030
No, I'm just yelling for two.
Ah.

1417
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:58,109
Oh, oh...

1418
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:01,431
Um, Zack, is there any way that
you can watch Katie tomorrow?

1419
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:03,915
I told Val that I'd take her
to a doctor's appointment.

1420
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,914
You're taking me to
my doctor's appointment. Yup.

1421
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:09,877
A llama? I would love... Yes.

1422
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:11,598
They would love that.

1423
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,256
Okay. Oh, sorry.
You know what? (PHONE RINGING)

1424
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,919
Can I call you right back?
I have to call you right back.

1425
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:17,069
Thank you.

1426
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:21,396
Hey, Jesse! Honey, I need you to come
over Saturday morning with Tanner.

1427
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,516
Well, I'm having
a small party for the kids.

1428
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,120
Don't you think
they would like a llama

1429
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:26,736
way more than they'd
like the Foo Fighters?

1430
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:27,875
I mean, come on.

1431
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:29,959
(MOANING SOFTLY)

1432
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:37,274
FLO: Earl, I'm looking at the
girls when they were younger.

1433
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,908
<i>Loving can hurt</i>

1434
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,433
<i>Loving can hurt sometimes</i>

1435
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:50,790
<i>But it's the only
thing that I know</i>

1436
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,879
<i>We keep this love
in a photograph</i>

1437
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,950
<i>We made these memories
for ourselves</i>

1438
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:06,315
<i>Where our eyes
are never closing</i>

1439
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,595
<i>Hearts are never broken</i>

1440
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,672
<i>Time's forever frozen still</i>

1441
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,799
<i>I will remember
how you kissed me</i>

1442
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:28,233
<i>Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street</i>

1443
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,313
<i>Hearing you whisper
through the phone</i>

1444
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,234
<i>"Wait for me
to come home"</i>

1445
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,478
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

1446
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,392
DJ: Hello, everybody!
Welcome to Sandy's party!

1447
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:45,913
All right!

1448
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,195
We've got Bella
the Balloon Lady,

1449
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,430
we've got Marty,
the animal wrangler!

1450
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,751
Hi! We've got
Pinwheel painting faces,

1451
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:55,910
and a big slide!

1452
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:58,559
Wow.
Hi.

1453
00:59:58,840 --> 00:59:59,989
(CHUCKLING)

1454
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,753
This is something.

1455
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:03,831
Yeah, I don't know
what happened.

1456
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,195
I just called to rent
Bella the Balloon Lady,

1457
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:07,536
and I just couldn't
stop saying yes.

1458
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:08,788
No, no, I like it.

1459
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,416
And then all of this.
TANNER: Can we go see the llama?

1460
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,351
Yeah, why don't you go.

1461
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:13,759
Let me talk to Sandy.

1462
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,199
Go to the petting
zoo, honey.

1463
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,474
Tortoises, bunnies...

1464
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:17,993
Come on, Tanner.

1465
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,800
So, you have not
heard from Russell? (SIGHS)

1466
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,429
Not a peep, radio silence.

1467
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,030
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

1468
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,676
Well, at least you
have Tanner, you know?

1469
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:30,040
He won't bite.

1470
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,157
Of course, until the day
that you get a divorce

1471
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:34,800
and then you have to have
that 50/50 shared custody

1472
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:36,632
and then it's just,
like, hell.

1473
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,711
That's my life.
Wait a second.

1474
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,240
That's not your life,
that's my life.

1475
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:43,872
Indians don't
really get divorced.

1476
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,599
Tire's good.

1477
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,073
I'm all packed.

1478
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:54,475
Now, we can put a whole lot of
gone between us and these, uh...

1479
01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:56,913
These, uh...

1480
01:00:58,440 --> 01:00:59,475
Oh!

1481
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,039
Hot damn!

1482
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:02,792
FLO: What is it, Earl?

1483
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:06,071
Someone stole
my ignition fuse!

1484
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,390
What are we going to do now?
(EARL GROANS)

1485
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:09,600
(GURGLES)

1486
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:13,951
There's a Pep Boys
about a mile back.

1487
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:17,196
I'm going to start walking.

1488
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,956
(KIDS CHEERING)
Yeah!

1489
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,479
Can I ride the llama?

1490
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,477
No.
How about the alpaca?

1491
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,635
It's a fun party.

1492
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:32,336
Can you open this, Sam?
Yeah, we can't open...

1493
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:34,237
Sure.
(GASPS) (POPS)

1494
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:47,113
(KID SQUEALING)

1495
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:53,120
(HONKS HORN)

1496
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:54,389
Yeah, hey,
how are you doing?

1497
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,976
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Hey, I'm doing good.
You like some spaghetti?

1498
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,035
I'm good, thanks.

1499
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:03,237
You don't like
any spaghetti.

1500
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:04,679
Back up, Bozo.

1501
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,637
Oh.
The fireworks arrived.

1502
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:08,950
So, I'm going to
go check on Tanner.

1503
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:13,629
Sandy, what's going on?
Yeah. Hey.

1504
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:16,159
Oh, I so...

1505
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,708
I'm so sorry.
I completely lost track of time.

1506
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:20,313
I'm supposed to
drop the boys off.

1507
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,232
I'm so sorry.
What is all this?

1508
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,956
It's a party.
For what?

1509
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:28,790
For fun, on a Saturday...
For fun on a Saturday,

1510
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:29,976
a party for fun
on a Saturday.

1511
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,718
This is completely
unlike you.

1512
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:33,336
What do you mean?
It feels totally like me.

1513
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:34,918
This is completely
irresponsible.

1514
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,514
Irresponsible?
I'm irresponsible?

1515
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,240
You can call me
a lot of things,

1516
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:41,800
but irresponsible
is not one of them.

1517
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:43,176
Listen to me,
when was the last time

1518
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:44,553
you took the kids
to a dentist?

1519
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,075
Huh?

1520
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,031
Or to go buy them,
you know, school supplies

1521
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:52,192
or one of the gazillion
things that I do?

1522
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:54,271
Oh, that's right.
Never.

1523
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,352
You have a parental
and legal responsibility

1524
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:02,273
to drop the kids off
at the designated time.

1525
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:03,634
Today is Saturday.

1526
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:05,517
We have them at noon.

1527
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,712
You have them tomorrow
on Mother's Day.

1528
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,936
HENRY: Let's go, Mikey, time to go.
Do we have to?

1529
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,030
Yes, now, we do.
Where's your brother? (SQUEALING)

1530
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:16,076
He's on the slide.
Go get your stuff.

1531
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,550
Peter. Let's go.

1532
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:20,789
Get down here
right now.

1533
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,110
No way, I'm not leaving.
Mom said we can have fun.

1534
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,176
I don't care what your mom said.
I'm in charge now.

1535
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:26,936
I'm going to count to three
and then I'm coming up there,

1536
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:28,552
one, two, three.
Here I come.

1537
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:29,709
I'm coming up.

1538
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,150
Hey. Come on,
Peter. Peter!

1539
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:36,468
Got to catch me first.

1540
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:42,395
Go get your stuff!

1541
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:45,355
HENRY: Hey, get your stuff.

1542
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,056
Oh, sweetie, I wouldn't
touch that if I were... That...

1543
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:48,479
But I like orange.

1544
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:49,755
Damn it, Peter.

1545
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:50,909
Hey, we've got to go.

1546
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,878
Oh, well, in that case,
sure, you know, go ahead.

1547
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:57,079
(DEFLATES)
What the...

1548
01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:58,240
Yo!

1549
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:02,395
HENRY: Hello!

1550
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:04,630
(GASPS)
Hey! This thing is... God.

1551
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:06,479
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1552
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:16,936
Welcome to the book
signing, everyone.

1553
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:18,996
We're here because there's
so few book stores left,

1554
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:20,176
but there will
always be books.

1555
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:21,474
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1556
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:24,273
Thank you very much.

1557
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:25,856
MIRANDA: Who shall I
make it out to?

1558
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:27,359
Rory Schroeder.

1559
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:28,600
Rory.

1560
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:31,035
Every piece of jewelry I own
is from your collection.

1561
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,031
I love them,
and so does Jerald.

1562
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,758
But they look
better on me. (CHUCKLES)

1563
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:36,959
Who shall I make it out to?

1564
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:40,109
Your daughter.

1565
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:43,715
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

1566
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,310
So, tell me,
why now?

1567
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,231
Well, I just thought
because she was in Atlanta,

1568
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,515
it would be a good time.

1569
01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:57,640
I see.

1570
01:04:57,720 --> 01:05:00,176
You know, you're the fourth person
to say they're her daughter.

1571
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:03,476
Of course, after Forbes
listed Miranda as the top 50

1572
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:06,597
female entrepreneurs
in this country, how convenient.

1573
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:08,989
I have this.

1574
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:16,631
Anybody could have forged
this and even if it's real,

1575
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:18,360
you're not going to get
a dime out of her.

1576
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,235
Okay, this was
a mistake. I...

1577
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:26,096
Could you please
just let her know

1578
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:28,953
that I never wanted
anything from her?

1579
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,000
(SIGHS)

1580
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,478
Well, that was historic.

1581
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,358
That was a historic
disaster.

1582
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:43,520
(CHUCKLES)

1583
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:45,400
Oh...

1584
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:49,748
I mean, this is
all so stupid.

1585
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:51,472
This is so stupid.

1586
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,516
Look at all this.
What am I doing?

1587
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,192
I mean, you know...

1588
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:58,311
Ugh, I feel like
such an idiot.

1589
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:01,392
So, what I'm basically doing
is I'm trying to compete

1590
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,552
with my ex-husband
and a 20-year-old.

1591
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,552
That just makes a lot
of sense, right, Jess?

1592
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,833
It's stupid.

1593
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:11,399
You know what it is?

1594
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,872
I just...
I just hate feeling so replaceable.

1595
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:18,994
Well, sadly we all are.

1596
01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:21,588
Oh, geez, you scared
the crap out of me.

1597
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:23,354
I mean, we're
all replaceable.

1598
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:26,398
For every professional clown,
there's 100 hacks with a red nose and a wig

1599
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:27,480
waiting to do the job.

1600
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,310
Yeah, I understand.
Thanks, clown.

1601
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:31,709
Jesse?

1602
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,354
There's no way that the bond
you have with your kids

1603
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:35,919
can ever be broken.

1604
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:37,296
I mean, there's
no contest, right?

1605
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:39,356
You're their mom.
Mmm-hmm.

1606
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:40,595
Oh, let me help.

1607
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:42,680
Oh...

1608
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,075
Thank... Okay.
(CHUCKLES)

1609
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:49,988
Yeah? See?

1610
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:53,072
It's this, I get it,
never-ending scarf bit.

1611
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:54,714
(LAUGHS)

1612
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:57,096
Yeah, it's the first time you
got to use this one today, huh?

1613
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:58,519
(CHUCKLES)
Ah...

1614
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,511
Got a smile from you.
That's great.

1615
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,192
Do you mind if I rub...

1616
01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,679
Please.
Thank you very much.

1617
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:05,416
It's always the traditional
things that work,

1618
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:07,158
the bottomless
sleeve hanky,

1619
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,196
the bottomless
cup of coffee,

1620
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:11,589
the bottomless love
from a mother to her kids.

1621
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:16,035
They know it's there.
Sometimes they just take it for granted.

1622
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:17,520
Yeah.

1623
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:18,919
So what if
the other girl is 20,

1624
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:21,275
has great skin and probably
looks insane in a bikini?

1625
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,915
Okay, that's good,
I get it.

1626
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:25,080
Nice pep talk there, clown.

1627
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:26,355
(CHUCKLES)

1628
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,714
Thank you, clown.

1629
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:31,236
Never thought I'd ever hear myself
say that, but thank you, clown.

1630
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:32,594
My pleasure.

1631
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,314
(HONKS HORN)

1632
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:38,120
Mmm.

1633
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,629
A heart-to-heart with a clown.

1634
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,631
There was not
a soul to see that.

1635
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,314
He could have murdered me.
Okay.

1636
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,074
Jesse, you home?

1637
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:52,151
Hey, I'm getting a beer!

1638
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,318
(LAPTOP CHIMING)

1639
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:01,311
<i>Hello. Who are you?</i>

1640
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:03,353
Well, who are you?

1641
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:05,550
<i>Sonia, mother of Russell.</i>

1642
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,836
Yeah, well, I'm Florence,
mother of Jesse.

1643
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:11,240
(GASPS)

1644
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:14,352
<i>Florence, nice to meet you!</i>

1645
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:16,637
(LAUGHS)

1646
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:19,638
<i>Ugh, I heard about your
surprise drop-in.</i>

1647
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:21,233
<i>Are you okay?</i>

1648
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:22,673
I think so.

1649
01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:25,668
I'm not real sure.

1650
01:08:25,760 --> 01:08:26,760
<i>Are you having a beer?</i>

1651
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:28,349
Yeah.

1652
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:29,869
<i>I think I'll join you.</i>

1653
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:35,114
<i>To say the truth,</i>

1654
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:37,708
<i>when Russell told me he was
in love with a white girl,</i>

1655
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,279
<i>I wanted to punch a wall.</i>

1656
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:41,032
Well, at least
you knew about it.

1657
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:42,275
<i>And then they eloped</i>

1658
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,096
<i>and they didn't even
invite me to the wedding.</i>

1659
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,394
<i>They didn't even tell me.</i>

1660
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:48,398
Yeah, well, I'm double spitting
just thinking about it.

1661
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:53,079
Thought I was finished with them,
(SIGHS)

1662
01:08:53,160 --> 01:08:54,388
but they're my baby girls.

1663
01:08:55,800 --> 01:09:00,510
<i>But, Florence, have you
seen our grandchild? Oh...</i>

1664
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,109
I get why they
call him Tanner.

1665
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:04,832
He's a little dark.

1666
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:07,471
<i>I think he's a little light.</i>

1667
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:09,472
Hey, what time
is it in India?

1668
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:11,312
<i>India? Who knows.</i>

1669
01:09:11,400 --> 01:09:13,231
<i>I live here in Las Vegas.</i>

1670
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:17,518
<i>No taxes, and I play
the slots anytime I want.</i>

1671
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,472
Hey, smart move.

1672
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,630
Plus, you can drive 20
miles in any direction

1673
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:24,069
and find some sand
when you get homesick, right?

1674
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:27,710
<i>I don't get that joke,
but it sounds racist, and funny.</i>

1675
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,279
(LAUGHS)

1676
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:30,360
(FLO CHUCKLES)

1677
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:38,035
Hi, Grandma!

1678
01:09:38,520 --> 01:09:39,714
Hey.

1679
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,760
Could you watch Tanner a minute?
I have to go pee.

1680
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:43,992
(STAMMERS)
Thank you.

1681
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:48,592
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)

1682
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:03,273
Here we go!

1683
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:06,269
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

1684
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:12,315
I think you look
a little like me.

1685
01:10:12,440 --> 01:10:13,589
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

1686
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:14,680
Uh-huh.

1687
01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:16,359
Yes, you do.

1688
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,198
I think you do.

1689
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,238
You look just like
me in the summertime.

1690
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:28,471
(WHISTLE BLARING)

1691
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:35,159
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1692
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:38,296
Lakens, thank you
so much for coming.

1693
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:39,639
We'll see you next time.

1694
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:42,151
Well, everything
looks good here.

1695
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:44,754
Will you be joining us for
tomorrow's Mother's Day brunch?

1696
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,353
No, I'm working.
Oh...

1697
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:47,754
Are you a mom?

1698
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:49,435
No.

1699
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:53,630
(CHUCKLES) I don't suppose you'd like
a complimentary mum for Mum's Day?

1700
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:55,389
No.

1701
01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:58,756
If you need anything,
just ask.

1702
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,673
I'm sorry to interrupt
your dinner, my dear.

1703
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:08,360
(CHUCKLES)

1704
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:10,431
Fried green tomatoes.

1705
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:14,310
Lance, you're my agent and I love you,
which is an oxymoron,

1706
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,631
but if you are here for
some philosophical chat,

1707
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:20,154
short, short would
be good here.

1708
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:24,673
Yes, you know me as Lance Wallace,
agent to the stars.

1709
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:26,359
You used to have
big stars.

1710
01:11:26,440 --> 01:11:27,600
(SOFTLY)
Now you just have me.

1711
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:29,280
Mmm.

1712
01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:32,193
But you really know
I was born in the Bronx

1713
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:34,669
and my name was
Ramone Navarro,

1714
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:38,716
who collected empty soda
bottles to get money to eat.

1715
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:43,709
We are who the world thinks we
are and sometimes, we're not.

1716
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:46,435
We decide who we are,

1717
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:49,512
when we want and
who we want to know.

1718
01:11:51,600 --> 01:11:53,113
Or is it whom?

1719
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:55,719
Are you done, Ramone?

1720
01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,479
Just doing my job,
to make sure

1721
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,632
that nothing lowers
the kilowatts on that smile.

1722
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:03,600
Hmm.

1723
01:12:05,600 --> 01:12:08,717
Oh, you're right, you're right,
that is the salad fork.

1724
01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:20,320
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ZACK: Hey, change of plan.

1725
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:21,509
I got the call.

1726
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:22,736
One of the girls
had to pull out.

1727
01:12:22,760 --> 01:12:25,228
She got a comedy
series for NBC.

1728
01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:26,918
It'll probably be canceled,
but anyway,

1729
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:28,479
I'm in the final tonight.

1730
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:29,629
Where are you?

1731
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,073
I've got Katie.

1732
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:32,269
She's fine.

1733
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:34,000
Bye.

1734
01:12:34,120 --> 01:12:35,560
ANNOUNCER: <i>Good stuff.
Okay, next up.</i>

1735
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:37,232
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1736
01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:42,115
Good night.

1737
01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:45,760
Oh...

1738
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:48,871
I shouldn't be watching this.

1739
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,149
Good night.

1740
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:54,635
(SIGHS)

1741
01:12:55,440 --> 01:12:58,113
Good night.
Yeah, yeah, good night.

1742
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:02,800
(SIGHS)

1743
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,279
Good night.

1744
01:13:11,480 --> 01:13:12,480
(SQUEALS SOFTLY)

1745
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:17,274
(CAR PASSES)
(DOOR OPENS)

1746
01:13:18,440 --> 01:13:19,440
(DOOR CLOSES)

1747
01:13:19,760 --> 01:13:20,760
I'm home.

1748
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:22,193
Well, how...

1749
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:25,074
Good night.

1750
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,120
(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

1751
01:13:30,760 --> 01:13:32,591
You used to say good night.

1752
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:36,473
It'd take you hours
to say good night, actually.

1753
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:39,159
(SIGHS)

1754
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:41,038
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1755
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:43,515
ZACK: Hey, honey,
where are you?

1756
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:45,079
I'm getting worried.

1757
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,432
If you're thinking
of splitting, please don't.

1758
01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:52,510
Let's just keep loving
each other and Katie.

1759
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:56,833
I don't want to marry you.

1760
01:13:57,240 --> 01:13:59,435
<i>I mean, I do
want to marry you,</i>

1761
01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:01,670
<i>but we don't
have to get married.</i>

1762
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:03,955
<i>If you get this,
please come to the club.</i>

1763
01:14:04,040 --> 01:14:05,359
<i>I love you.</i>

1764
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:08,120
(BEEPS)

1765
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:10,589
ANNOUNCER: <i>This competition
is worth $5,000.</i>

1766
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:13,797
Zack Zim, you're in
the finals, by default.

1767
01:14:13,880 --> 01:14:15,836
Good for you.
Aw...

1768
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:20,237
That is the most adorable
baby I've ever seen.

1769
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,240
Would you be able to watch
her while I do my set?

1770
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:23,508
No.

1771
01:14:23,920 --> 01:14:26,354
<i>Welcome to the stage,
Zack Zim.</i>

1772
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,016
Zack Zim, he's very...
Oh, that's you. (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1773
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:30,632
All right, go on
out there, kid.

1774
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,720
Come on, I'm rooting for you.
I'll be out in front.

1775
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,557
<i>Uh...</i> (CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1776
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:40,789
<i>Hello.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

1777
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:42,680
<i>Um...</i>

1778
01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:44,319
<i>So, I'm Zack.</i>

1779
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:46,556
<i>Uh, this is Katie.</i>

1780
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:49,038
<i>Say hi.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1781
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:51,312
<i>She's a bit shy.</i>

1782
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:55,715
<i>I'll just say this from the get-go,
this wasn't planned.</i>

1783
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,320
<i>Coming out here with
her wasn't planned,</i>

1784
01:14:58,400 --> 01:15:00,391
<i>not she wasn't planned,
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)</i>

1785
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:03,239
<i>although to be fair,
you were a little bit of a surprise.</i>

1786
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:04,395
<i>Didn't like that joke.</i>

1787
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:05,908
(LAUGHTER)

1788
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:07,920
<i>Uh...</i>

1789
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:11,993
<i>So, does anyone in
here have a baby?</i>

1790
01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:15,511
<i>No, obviously you don't.</i>

1791
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,431
<i>You're here having a life.</i>

1792
01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:18,879
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BABY CRYING)

1793
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:21,275
<i>No, don't cry, stop crying.</i>

1794
01:15:22,680 --> 01:15:24,113
<i>Five grand at stake.</i>

1795
01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:27,277
<i>Mate, would you mind
holding her for a sec?</i>

1796
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:29,589
<i>What's your name, pal?</i>

1797
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:30,680
Tiny.

1798
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:32,016
<i>Tiny, if you don't
mind me saying,</i>

1799
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,270
<i>you look like you have
a very welcoming bosom.</i>

1800
01:15:35,240 --> 01:15:36,878
<i>May I rest my child on it?</i>

1801
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:37,995
Sure.

1802
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:39,096
<i>Just for a sec, thank you.</i>

1803
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:40,235
(BABY WAILING)

1804
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:47,789
(BABY STOPS CRYING)

1805
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:50,274
(BABY COOING)

1806
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:52,793
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1807
01:15:56,280 --> 01:16:00,034
<i>I mean, I don't know whether to be
pleased or just deeply offended.</i>

1808
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:02,631
<i>How did you do that?</i>

1809
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:05,870
I'm soft, like a couch.

1810
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:08,155
<i>Please, will you
come and live with us?</i>

1811
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:09,309
<i>I'm deadly serious.</i>

1812
01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:11,635
<i>I haven't slept in a year.</i>

1813
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:12,789
<i>I'll take the couch.</i>

1814
01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:14,478
<i>My girlfriend's
very attractive.</i>

1815
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,471
Can your girlfriend
take the couch?

1816
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:18,558
<i>Oh, my girlfriend, yes.</i>

1817
01:16:18,640 --> 01:16:19,959
That's my sister.

1818
01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:25,230
<i>Hey, can everyone please give it
up for the world's biggest nanny?</i>

1819
01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:27,237
(APPLAUSE)
<i>Well done.</i>

1820
01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:29,072
Thank you.
I'll take her back.

1821
01:16:31,840 --> 01:16:32,840
Bye.

1822
01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:35,160
Thank you.
Call me.

1823
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:38,279
Whoa.
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

1824
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:46,718
<i>You know, being a dad
does change you.</i>

1825
01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:48,711
<i>I worry all the time.</i>

1826
01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:50,552
<i>Do I know when she's tired?</i>

1827
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:52,198
<i>Not really.</i>

1828
01:16:52,280 --> 01:16:53,474
<i>When she's about to be sick?</i>

1829
01:16:54,120 --> 01:16:55,348
<i>Definitely not.</i>

1830
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:58,348
<i>This is the last
good shirt that I own.</i>

1831
01:16:58,440 --> 01:16:59,440
(CROWD LAUGHING)

1832
01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:02,472
<i>But her mother knows,</i>

1833
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:05,199
<i>because in every
atom of their body,</i>

1834
01:17:05,640 --> 01:17:09,792
<i>they know what's right for their
children and for their families.</i>

1835
01:17:11,560 --> 01:17:14,199
<i>Anyway, speaking of parents,
I better get this one back to hers.</i>

1836
01:17:14,320 --> 01:17:15,673
(LAUGHTER)

1837
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,200
<i>Hey, guys,
thank you very much.</i>

1838
01:17:17,320 --> 01:17:19,390
<i>I've been Zack Zim,
and this has been Katie.</i>

1839
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:21,118
(APPLAUSE)

1840
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:25,398
Aw, what a cute baby.

1841
01:17:25,480 --> 01:17:26,833
I love babies.

1842
01:17:26,920 --> 01:17:28,717
We can have one
if you want.

1843
01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,752
It's our first date.

1844
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:32,956
So, what are you
doing tomorrow?

1845
01:17:33,120 --> 01:17:34,314
Shut up.

1846
01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:35,669
I was freaking out.

1847
01:17:35,760 --> 01:17:37,432
I thought you bailed.
Where were you?

1848
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:41,229
I'm sorry, you know, usual stuff,
meeting my real mom.

1849
01:17:41,320 --> 01:17:42,548
Your mom, what?

1850
01:17:42,640 --> 01:17:43,640
Yeah, it was awful.

1851
01:17:43,760 --> 01:17:44,760
Awful?

1852
01:17:44,840 --> 01:17:47,638
Just really made me appreciate
what I have. Totally.

1853
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:50,072
You're the best.

1854
01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:53,149
ANNOUNCER: <i>We have
a unanimous winner.</i>

1855
01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:55,438
<i>Katie Zim.</i>

1856
01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:57,469
(APPLAUSE)

1857
01:17:57,560 --> 01:17:59,357
<i>Oh, and that guy
with her. Come on up.</i>

1858
01:17:59,440 --> 01:18:00,936
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait, wait, take her.

1859
01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:03,428
She won, you just
held her props, really.

1860
01:18:04,760 --> 01:18:05,896
So, wait, your actual mother?

1861
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:08,115
Just go get it.
Go, go, go, go, go.

1862
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:09,794
(CROWD WHOOPING)

1863
01:18:11,480 --> 01:18:12,708
<i>Congratulations!</i>

1864
01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:15,268
<i>Zack Zim!</i>

1865
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:18,116
<i>Yeah, we each
got our babies.</i>

1866
01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:19,428
(COOING)

1867
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,112
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day!

1868
01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:33,909
What? Oh, my God.

1869
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,959
You guys...
You guys are the cutest.

1870
01:18:38,040 --> 01:18:40,600
The banana was my idea,
you know, to stay healthy.

1871
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,039
(CHUCKLES) It's perfect.
I love it.

1872
01:18:43,120 --> 01:18:44,678
Are those M&M pancakes?

1873
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:46,637
Yeah.
Oh, boy.

1874
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:47,755
Open my gift.

1875
01:18:47,840 --> 01:18:49,239
Okay, okay, okay.

1876
01:18:50,280 --> 01:18:51,315
Why?

1877
01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:59,754
That's the coolest potato man ever,
period, end of story.

1878
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:03,039
That's awesome.

1879
01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:07,710
"Thanks for all
that you do.

1880
01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:09,233
"We appreciate you.

1881
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:11,311
"Happy Mother's Day, Tina."

1882
01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:14,151
You gave her the
wrong gift, you dork.

1883
01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:15,639
Oops, sorry, Mom.

1884
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:17,676
SANDY: Oh, that's okay.
That's okay.

1885
01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:19,679
I love you, Mom.

1886
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:22,276
Thank you. I love you.
This one's for you.

1887
01:19:22,400 --> 01:19:24,675
Okay, okay.

1888
01:19:26,520 --> 01:19:28,715
This is better
than the first one.

1889
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:29,915
It's even better.

1890
01:19:30,560 --> 01:19:31,560
That's sweet.

1891
01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,480
I love him.
Thank you so much.

1892
01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:36,389
This is for you.

1893
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:37,674
Thanks, babe.

1894
01:19:37,760 --> 01:19:40,035
Did you get
a card for Tina, too?

1895
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:42,350
Yeah, but a totally
different one.

1896
01:19:43,760 --> 01:19:45,796
I can throw Tina's
away if you want.

1897
01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:49,395
No.

1898
01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:52,117
No, no, no, no,
I don't want you to do that.

1899
01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:53,913
But you're so sad.

1900
01:19:58,680 --> 01:20:01,114
Oh, okay, listen, here,
take this over there for a second.

1901
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,200
Get in here.

1902
01:20:02,560 --> 01:20:03,709
Get in here.

1903
01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:08,912
Vicky, Rachel,
where are you guys?

1904
01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:13,511
Come on, let's wake up,
have a little breakfast, huh?

1905
01:20:15,560 --> 01:20:19,155
Guys, don't make me
come up there.

1906
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:21,479
It's too late.

1907
01:20:21,560 --> 01:20:23,915
Come on,
let's go, up and at 'em.

1908
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:26,435
Hey.

1909
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,276
Hey, Vicky!
(PHONE RINGING)

1910
01:20:29,720 --> 01:20:32,473
Rachel, where are you?

1911
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:35,456
Hey, Kimberly,
I can't talk right now.

1912
01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:36,696
I don't know
where my girls are.

1913
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:38,278
KIMBERLY:
The girls are with me.

1914
01:20:38,360 --> 01:20:39,680
What are you
talking about, where?

1915
01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:46,595
I love you so much,

1916
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:51,391
and, you know, it's just...
It's hard to share, you know?

1917
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:54,792
Sort of like how you feel about your
LEGO pirate ship.

1918
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:57,189
You know how you didn't
want anyone to touch it?

1919
01:20:57,720 --> 01:21:00,029
Yeah, well,
that's kind of how I feel.

1920
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,678
But you remember
how good you felt

1921
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:04,512
when you saw
how happy Nick was

1922
01:21:04,600 --> 01:21:08,115
when he was able to walk
Peg Leg down the plank?

1923
01:21:08,600 --> 01:21:09,669
Right?

1924
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:13,870
Yeah, that's because it's really,
really good to share.

1925
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:14,995
It's really good.

1926
01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:18,718
In fact, as I say this,
you know what,

1927
01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:23,316
I think I'm going to take you over to
Daddy's a little later on today, okay?

1928
01:21:24,240 --> 01:21:28,756
So you can give Tina
her awesome potato man.

1929
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:31,112
You're really
going to share?

1930
01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:32,639
Yeah.

1931
01:21:32,880 --> 01:21:36,839
Yep, I'm going to
share, for an hour.

1932
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:39,592
An hour, maybe two.
I'll see how I feel.

1933
01:21:39,680 --> 01:21:40,720
How do you
feel about that?

1934
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:42,159
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah?

1935
01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:50,296
MAX: We're gonna grab some lunch
and we'll see you at the parade.

1936
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:51,753
Have fun.

1937
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:52,989
Bye, Max.

1938
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:57,278
Were you summoned, too?

1939
01:21:57,360 --> 01:21:59,828
Yep, just wondering if I'm
going to get an opportunity

1940
01:21:59,920 --> 01:22:01,512
to have a last meal.

1941
01:22:01,600 --> 01:22:03,113
(CHUCKLES) Doubtful.

1942
01:22:03,200 --> 01:22:06,192
I mean, they can't
ground us anymore, can they?

1943
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:10,991
You lied to your mother.

1944
01:22:11,080 --> 01:22:13,913
Mom made me live
alone in college

1945
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:16,120
'cause she didn't want me to
have a minority roommate.

1946
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:17,816
Yeah, and she spanked me when
I said I wanted to dress up

1947
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:18,909
like a guy for Halloween.

1948
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:22,913
I didn't think Liberace was an
appropriate costume for a little girl.

1949
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:27,336
PETER: Do they
know we're coming?

1950
01:22:27,360 --> 01:22:29,351
SANDY: Yeah,
I called Daddy earlier.

1951
01:22:34,400 --> 01:22:36,595
I'll pick you up tonight,
just before dinner, okay?

1952
01:22:36,720 --> 01:22:38,950
Bye, Mom.
Bye, I love you.

1953
01:22:39,600 --> 01:22:40,874
Have fun.

1954
01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:53,393
I'm so happy to see you.

1955
01:22:53,480 --> 01:22:54,549
Hi, hi.

1956
01:22:54,960 --> 01:22:56,279
What's that?

1957
01:22:56,400 --> 01:22:58,231
For me? Oh, my gosh.

1958
01:22:58,320 --> 01:23:00,470
A surprise.
Thank you so much.

1959
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:01,879
(MOUTHING) Thank you.

1960
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,512
Happy Mother's Day.

1961
01:23:24,800 --> 01:23:26,199
We love you.

1962
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:32,035
(SOBBING)

1963
01:23:52,480 --> 01:23:55,392
<i>Russell, it's Jesse.</i>

1964
01:23:55,480 --> 01:23:57,596
<i>I'm leaving to go live
with my parents for a while</i>

1965
01:23:57,720 --> 01:24:00,029
<i>and I'm taking Tanner
with me. Bye.</i>

1966
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:03,317
Wait, wait, wait,
hold on, hold on!

1967
01:24:03,440 --> 01:24:08,798
Hey, hold on, wait,
hold on, I'm coming!

1968
01:24:09,280 --> 01:24:12,716
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
stop, stop, stop, stop,

1969
01:24:12,800 --> 01:24:16,156
stop, wait, hold on, hold on,
wait a minute, let me in,

1970
01:24:17,040 --> 01:24:19,713
stop, stop, stop,
hold on, hold on!

1971
01:24:19,880 --> 01:24:21,393
Wait a minute!

1972
01:24:22,320 --> 01:24:23,320
Where's Tanner?

1973
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:24,680
Relax, he's with
Max and Charlie.

1974
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:25,789
Nice robe.

1975
01:24:26,520 --> 01:24:28,476
We just said it
to get you in here.

1976
01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:30,559
Oh, great, another lie.

1977
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:33,029
Yeah, is this your
new thing now? Bye.

1978
01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:35,628
<i>Russell, we would
like to thank you for coming.</i>

1979
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:38,355
Mom? You're in on this?

1980
01:24:38,480 --> 01:24:41,199
<i>Maybe if you would call me more often,
you would know me better.</i>

1981
01:24:41,320 --> 01:24:44,471
<i>Russell, I know I make jokes about Jesse,
but I love her.</i>

1982
01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:48,354
<i>So, Flo and I thought you two
should kiss and make up.</i>

1983
01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:53,079
No, no, because
she's a liar.

1984
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,958
She's a lying,
lying liar, okay?

1985
01:24:56,040 --> 01:24:58,349
And besides,
scaring me to get me in here

1986
01:24:58,440 --> 01:25:00,954
is not a good way to start
a conversation, okay?

1987
01:25:01,040 --> 01:25:02,473
Have fun. I'm leaving.

1988
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:04,198
Not unless you're
going to jump.

1989
01:25:05,400 --> 01:25:07,231
Dad, what are you doing?
Slow down!

1990
01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:08,509
Oh, come on.

1991
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:10,428
GABI: Where are we going?

1992
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:12,216
RUSSELL: All right,
this is crazy, all right?

1993
01:25:12,240 --> 01:25:13,656
She lied about everything.
You know what?

1994
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:16,353
If I was your parents,
I would have been home by now.

1995
01:25:16,440 --> 01:25:20,228
If this sucker hadn't had all those
repairs, we would have been.

1996
01:25:20,520 --> 01:25:21,800
Actually,
that would be my fault.

1997
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:22,880
How?

1998
01:25:22,960 --> 01:25:24,760
I kind of told Charlie
to mess with the engine

1999
01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:26,438
so Grandma and Grandpa
couldn't get home.

2000
01:25:26,520 --> 01:25:28,909
The flat tire was
just bad luck, or good.

2001
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,439
You did that for us?

2002
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:31,835
Forget that.

2003
01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:34,514
I'm impressed that he knew
so much about engines.

2004
01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:36,238
GABI: Yeah, he really does.

2005
01:25:37,720 --> 01:25:39,676
Honey, please forgive me.

2006
01:25:39,760 --> 01:25:42,479
I promise, I will never,
ever lie to you, ever again.

2007
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:44,232
I just... I cross my heart.

2008
01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:47,438
You promise?
Promise.

2009
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,039
Okay, I forgive you.
You do?

2010
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:52,315
No, I'm lying.
You see how that feels?

2011
01:25:54,920 --> 01:25:58,151
Uh, sorry to interrupt your moment,
but this ain't good.

2012
01:25:58,240 --> 01:25:59,309
What?

2013
01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:02,517
The brakes are out and we're
going pretty damn fast.

2014
01:26:02,600 --> 01:26:04,716
I swear, Charlie did not
mess with the brakes.

2015
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:06,640
EARL: No, no, I was
supposed to get them fixed,

2016
01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:09,752
but I took the money and I
spent it at the dog track!

2017
01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:11,876
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

2018
01:26:12,640 --> 01:26:13,960
RUSSELL: Look out
for the garbage.

2019
01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:18,514
<i>Hey, what is happening?</i>

2020
01:26:19,160 --> 01:26:20,639
<i>Where did everybody go?</i>

2021
01:26:21,080 --> 01:26:22,115
Jesse, stay down.

2022
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:23,599
Stay under me!

2023
01:26:23,920 --> 01:26:25,558
Hey, that's Grandma's house.

2024
01:26:25,640 --> 01:26:27,392
So it is. Let's check it out.

2025
01:26:33,360 --> 01:26:36,079
They made a womb
float for Mother's Day?

2026
01:26:36,160 --> 01:26:38,879
I can't wait to see
what they do for Father's Day.

2027
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,560
Hello, Marvin, you got
a two-vehicle pursuit.

2028
01:26:46,680 --> 01:26:51,435
One is an RV from Texas and the
other one is big and pink.

2029
01:26:51,680 --> 01:26:52,954
(SIREN BLARING)

2030
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:56,279
Slow down!

2031
01:26:57,960 --> 01:27:00,349
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, we're in pursuit.

2032
01:27:00,680 --> 01:27:01,680
Whoa!

2033
01:27:08,360 --> 01:27:11,591
Earl, Jesse, Gabi,
I love you! Russell?

2034
01:27:11,680 --> 01:27:12,680
Yeah.

2035
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:14,393
Nice to meet you.

2036
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:16,118
We're going to
hit real hard.

2037
01:27:16,200 --> 01:27:17,235
No!

2038
01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:20,720
Huh?

2039
01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:26,156
Well, uh, that wasn't
so hard, now, was it?

2040
01:27:27,160 --> 01:27:28,479
Everybody all right?

2041
01:27:28,560 --> 01:27:29,800
RUSSELL: What
the hell happened?

2042
01:27:30,880 --> 01:27:33,189
Nothing. I lied.

2043
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:35,073
The brakes were fixed.

2044
01:27:35,200 --> 01:27:39,318
The fear of death brings
everyone closer together.

2045
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:43,718
Welcome, welcome to my family.

2046
01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:45,992
COP: Everybody
out of the vehicle.

2047
01:27:47,000 --> 01:27:48,115
Let's go.

2048
01:27:49,240 --> 01:27:51,037
Okay, we're coming. Hi.

2049
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:52,428
Out of the vehicle.

2050
01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:55,197
Get your hands up
where we can see them.

2051
01:27:55,280 --> 01:27:56,554
You guys okay?

2052
01:27:56,680 --> 01:27:58,477
FLO: Hello, officers,
how are you doing?

2053
01:27:58,560 --> 01:27:59,696
GABI: Mom,
just put your hands up.

2054
01:27:59,720 --> 01:28:02,439
Spread your legs.

2055
01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:04,275
Anybody else?

2056
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:07,358
Hi, it's just me.

2057
01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:11,108
Get on the ground.

2058
01:28:11,200 --> 01:28:12,713
On the ground!

2059
01:28:12,800 --> 01:28:14,233
Get on the ground!

2060
01:28:14,760 --> 01:28:16,352
On the ground!

2061
01:28:17,360 --> 01:28:19,954
Sir, that is my husband!

2062
01:28:20,040 --> 01:28:22,270
Officer, I don't
really appreciate

2063
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,550
how you're treating
my son-in-law.

2064
01:28:25,640 --> 01:28:27,710
Wait, it's okay,
you guys, this is my doctor.

2065
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:29,392
He fixed my knee.

2066
01:28:29,760 --> 01:28:30,988
Hi, Dr. Kohli.

2067
01:28:31,400 --> 01:28:32,549
Hey, Danielle.

2068
01:28:33,240 --> 01:28:34,912
Finally, somebody
stands up.

2069
01:28:35,080 --> 01:28:37,310
Oh, boy, you okay, Russell?

2070
01:28:37,400 --> 01:28:38,628
Yeah, I'm all right.
All right.

2071
01:28:38,720 --> 01:28:41,234
Well, I never thought I'd have
to say this in the line of duty,

2072
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:44,596
but who's got the
registration for the vagina?

2073
01:28:44,720 --> 01:28:47,393
We do. But we already
missed the parade.

2074
01:28:47,480 --> 01:28:48,993
There's a parade
of vaginas?

2075
01:28:49,080 --> 01:28:50,433
Yup, there sure was.

2076
01:28:51,560 --> 01:28:53,152
EARL: Well, that's okay.

2077
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:55,595
Now we can have
a real family picnic together.

2078
01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:57,990
Love you, too, Mom.
Happy Mother's Day.

2079
01:28:58,280 --> 01:28:59,599
Did she just kiss me?

2080
01:28:59,680 --> 01:29:01,896
GABI: We missed the parade,
but we're gonna have a picnic!

2081
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,638
I'm proud of you, Earl.

2082
01:29:04,240 --> 01:29:05,958
Oh, thank you, Fluffy.

2083
01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:13,356
Thanks for
taking us, Kimberly.

2084
01:29:13,440 --> 01:29:14,668
Oh, and for brunch, too.

2085
01:29:14,760 --> 01:29:16,398
I bet my dad's
going to kill you.

2086
01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:18,232
Please, I can handle him.

2087
01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:20,072
I am a pole dancer.

2088
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:21,752
Bring it on!

2089
01:29:28,440 --> 01:29:33,275
Wow. I think your daddy used his
veteran's discount at ProFlowers.

2090
01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:35,194
BRADLEY: Surprise!

2091
01:29:37,760 --> 01:29:39,910
Dad, what is all this?

2092
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,594
Oh, this is everything they
had left at the flower shop.

2093
01:29:43,280 --> 01:29:45,316
Okay, but why is it here?

2094
01:29:45,480 --> 01:29:47,656
I thought it was about time we
started celebrating Mother's Day.

2095
01:29:47,680 --> 01:29:49,033
I better go
find my babies.

2096
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:54,915
And for my first surprise, for the
youngest, Vicky, <i>voilà.</i>

2097
01:29:55,080 --> 01:29:56,229
Oh.
Whoa.

2098
01:29:56,680 --> 01:29:58,159
A karaoke machine!

2099
01:29:58,240 --> 01:29:59,719
That's right, yes.

2100
01:30:00,760 --> 01:30:02,671
Young lady,
that's for you.

2101
01:30:08,840 --> 01:30:11,991
But these are...
These are Mom's car keys.

2102
01:30:12,360 --> 01:30:14,555
Yeah, I sold the car anyway,

2103
01:30:14,640 --> 01:30:16,676
but figured you'd
want the keys.

2104
01:30:17,840 --> 01:30:19,512
Kidding, you get
the car, too.

2105
01:30:19,640 --> 01:30:21,870
Oh, my God, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2106
01:30:22,440 --> 01:30:23,919
You're very welcome.

2107
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:25,069
Thank you.

2108
01:30:25,760 --> 01:30:28,149
(GASPS) Look at this place.
(LAUGHTER)

2109
01:30:28,440 --> 01:30:29,919
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2110
01:30:33,520 --> 01:30:34,520
Mmm.

2111
01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:36,796
Dad, did you invite him?

2112
01:30:36,880 --> 01:30:37,915
No.

2113
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:41,231
No, I hired him
to run the punch bowl.

2114
01:30:41,320 --> 01:30:43,276
Okay.
Yeah.

2115
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,510
I'm going to go
get some punch.

2116
01:30:45,600 --> 01:30:46,635
All right.

2117
01:30:50,240 --> 01:30:52,151
Hey.
Hey.

2118
01:30:52,240 --> 01:30:53,856
BRADLEY: Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

2119
01:30:53,880 --> 01:30:55,757
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.

2120
01:30:55,840 --> 01:30:57,239
I am. (CHUCKLES)
Thank you.

2121
01:30:57,560 --> 01:30:58,788
Hi.
Hey, neighbor.

2122
01:30:58,880 --> 01:31:00,359
Hey.
Hi, I'm Lexy.

2123
01:31:00,520 --> 01:31:01,635
Lexy.

2124
01:31:01,800 --> 01:31:04,678
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.

2125
01:31:04,760 --> 01:31:06,160
Um, yeah, well,
please help yourself

2126
01:31:06,200 --> 01:31:08,760
to the punch and smell
the flowers. Go nuts.

2127
01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:11,035
That's the sexy mom
we were telling you about.

2128
01:31:11,120 --> 01:31:12,872
Oh, that makes sense,
okay, yeah.

2129
01:31:12,960 --> 01:31:16,077
Well, that might be a little too
much for me right now, you know?

2130
01:31:16,160 --> 01:31:17,309
Fair enough.
Mmm-hmm.

2131
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:18,680
I'm going to
keep trying, though.

2132
01:31:18,720 --> 01:31:20,392
No, please do.
That's a great start.

2133
01:31:20,480 --> 01:31:21,480
Hey.

2134
01:31:22,680 --> 01:31:23,680
Wow!

2135
01:31:23,760 --> 01:31:24,909
Do you know
what it is?

2136
01:31:25,040 --> 01:31:26,075
No.

2137
01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:27,593
It's a karaoke machine.

2138
01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:29,432
That's cool.
What's that button do?

2139
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:31,476
That's an echo,
so it makes it sound like...

2140
01:31:31,560 --> 01:31:32,816
(MIMICKING MUSIC NOTES)
(CHUCKLES)

2141
01:31:32,840 --> 01:31:35,195
My God, you people
on steroids?

2142
01:31:35,920 --> 01:31:37,638
(PANTS)

2143
01:31:37,760 --> 01:31:39,159
Wait, hello, Tina?

2144
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:40,936
<i>It's me. I really need your help right now.</i>
What?

2145
01:31:40,960 --> 01:31:42,976
<i>I don't know what to do.</i>
Wait, Tina, slow down. What's wrong?

2146
01:31:43,000 --> 01:31:44,592
<i>What's wrong?</i>
It's Mikey.

2147
01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:45,948
He can't breathe.

2148
01:31:46,040 --> 01:31:47,871
Okay, that's his asthma.

2149
01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:50,136
No, I know, Henry warned me
that it's bad this time of year

2150
01:31:50,160 --> 01:31:51,216
and there's a lot of ragweed.

2151
01:31:51,240 --> 01:31:53,037
Where's his inhaler?

2152
01:31:53,120 --> 01:31:55,475
It's here, but it's empty
and I can't find the backup.

2153
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,560
Where's Henry?

2154
01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:58,471
He's at the store
and he's not answering.

2155
01:31:58,560 --> 01:32:00,869
All right, just take him
to the freezer.

2156
01:32:00,960 --> 01:32:01,995
<i>He's not hungry.</i>

2157
01:32:02,120 --> 01:32:03,120
I know he's not hungry.

2158
01:32:03,200 --> 01:32:05,296
It's just that breathing in the
cold air really helps him,

2159
01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:06,355
so just go, go, go, go.

2160
01:32:06,440 --> 01:32:08,096
<i>Let's go the freezer, okay?
You're going to be okay.</i>

2161
01:32:08,120 --> 01:32:11,112
You're going to be fine.
Yeah, just breathe this in. (GASPING)

2162
01:32:11,200 --> 01:32:12,872
Okay, all right.

2163
01:32:12,960 --> 01:32:14,837
Oh, my gosh,
Sandy, I am so scared.

2164
01:32:14,920 --> 01:32:15,920
I know, I know.

2165
01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:18,230
Listen, I keep a spare inhaler
in his backpack.

2166
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:22,679
Okay, yep. I got it.
I'll put you on speaker.

2167
01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:25,069
Okay, where?

2168
01:32:25,160 --> 01:32:26,878
Okay. There are four pockets.

2169
01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:28,678
It's in the one
that has the rat on it.

2170
01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:30,320
TINA: There's no zipper
on the rat.

2171
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:31,840
It's on the side of the rat!

2172
01:32:31,960 --> 01:32:33,791
SANDY: <i>It's on the side
of the rat, sorry.</i>

2173
01:32:35,120 --> 01:32:36,519
(MIKEY GROANS AND GASPS)

2174
01:32:36,760 --> 01:32:38,716
It's all right, I got you.

2175
01:32:38,800 --> 01:32:40,392
I got you.
Come here, buddy.

2176
01:32:40,480 --> 01:32:41,976
Here you go.
Come on, come on. I got you.

2177
01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:43,319
MIKEY: <i>I want Mommy.</i>

2178
01:32:43,400 --> 01:32:45,470
Okay, Mommy's coming, honey.
You're okay.

2179
01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:48,160
<i>Daddy's going to make
you feel all better, you know that.</i>

2180
01:32:48,680 --> 01:32:51,399
Okay, give him three puffs
and then give him three more

2181
01:32:51,480 --> 01:32:53,550
in 30 minutes if he needs it, okay?
(GASPING)

2182
01:32:55,440 --> 01:32:57,576
I don't like his color.
I'm going to take him to the ER.

2183
01:32:57,600 --> 01:32:59,800
All right, then go.
Just go, go and I'll meet you there.

2184
01:33:00,760 --> 01:33:01,875
Get his stuff.

2185
01:33:06,520 --> 01:33:08,511
BRADLEY: (ON MIKE)
<i>Hey, DJ, hit it.</i>

2186
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:09,640
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2187
01:33:09,840 --> 01:33:11,159
<i>Here we go.</i>

2188
01:33:11,520 --> 01:33:12,794
<i>All right!
Stop whatcha doin'</i>

2189
01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:13,949
<i>'Cause I'm
about to ruin</i>

2190
01:33:14,040 --> 01:33:15,917
<i>The image and the
style that ya used to</i>

2191
01:33:16,000 --> 01:33:17,353
<i>I look funny, right?</i>

2192
01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:18,953
<i>But, yo, I'm makin '
money, see?</i>

2193
01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:20,712
<i>So, yo world I hope
you're ready for me</i>

2194
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:23,394
<i>My name is Humpty
Pronounced with a "umpty"</i>

2195
01:33:23,480 --> 01:33:26,597
<i>Yo, moms Oh, how I
like to love thee</i>

2196
01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:28,432
<i>And all the fathers
in the Top 10</i>

2197
01:33:28,520 --> 01:33:30,112
<i>Please allow me
to bump thee</i>

2198
01:33:30,200 --> 01:33:32,714
<i>I'm steppin ' tall, y'all
And just like Humpty Dumpty</i>

2199
01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:35,109
<i>You're gonna fall
when the stereos pump me</i>

2200
01:33:35,200 --> 01:33:37,111
<i>I'm still rockin '
these pink pants</i>

2201
01:33:37,200 --> 01:33:38,792
<i>And I even got
my own dance</i>

2202
01:33:38,880 --> 01:33:41,792
<i>The Humpty Dance is your
chance to do the hump</i>

2203
01:33:41,880 --> 01:33:43,279
<i>That's right, folks,
help me out.</i>

2204
01:33:43,840 --> 01:33:45,956
<i>Do me, baby!</i>
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2205
01:33:46,040 --> 01:33:49,032
Girls, get up here.
Dance with your old man. Come on.

2206
01:33:49,880 --> 01:33:50,949
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2207
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:54,191
<i>Watch me do the Humpty hump
Yeah, yeah. Uh!</i>

2208
01:33:54,280 --> 01:33:55,793
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2209
01:33:56,520 --> 01:33:57,520
Watch me...
(ALL GASPING)

2210
01:33:58,560 --> 01:34:00,152
WOMAN: Where'd he go?
(BRADLEY GROANS)

2211
01:34:00,440 --> 01:34:01,440
Dad!

2212
01:34:01,560 --> 01:34:02,834
Are you okay, Dad?
(ALL GASPING)

2213
01:34:02,920 --> 01:34:04,120
BRADLEY: Yeah,
I'm okay, Vicky.

2214
01:34:04,200 --> 01:34:05,758
Rachel, how does my leg look?

2215
01:34:05,840 --> 01:34:06,875
Great, Dad.

2216
01:34:06,960 --> 01:34:07,995
What about my right leg?

2217
01:34:08,120 --> 01:34:09,439
RACHEL: Someone call 911.

2218
01:34:09,520 --> 01:34:11,431
See what happens when
you let white boys rap?

2219
01:34:12,560 --> 01:34:13,754
<i>There you go, folks.</i>

2220
01:34:13,880 --> 01:34:14,995
<i>Happy Mother's Day.</i>

2221
01:34:17,880 --> 01:34:19,950
RACHEL: Don't move, Dad.
I'm coming down.

2222
01:34:20,480 --> 01:34:23,552
BRADLEY: Rach, it might be time to
practice driving to the hospital.

2223
01:34:24,520 --> 01:34:26,158
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2224
01:34:28,080 --> 01:34:29,080
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

2225
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:30,435
Got it.

2226
01:34:32,960 --> 01:34:34,632
I hope it's
okay that I'm here.

2227
01:34:35,960 --> 01:34:38,520
I knew it was you
the moment I saw you.

2228
01:34:42,040 --> 01:34:43,189
(INHALES SHARPLY)

2229
01:34:43,320 --> 01:34:45,914
We were 16 and in love.

2230
01:34:47,080 --> 01:34:48,354
What, puppy love?
(CHUCKLES)

2231
01:34:48,440 --> 01:34:51,637
No, true love, epic,

2232
01:34:51,720 --> 01:34:55,952
"plan your whole life
around it" kind of love,

2233
01:34:56,040 --> 01:34:57,598
and then there was you.

2234
01:34:58,800 --> 01:35:01,633
His family moved to another city
the day we gave them the news

2235
01:35:01,720 --> 01:35:05,633
and my parents pulled me
out of school for a year.

2236
01:35:05,760 --> 01:35:08,672
My mother never really
looked at me the same again.

2237
01:35:10,800 --> 01:35:12,950
Forever disappointed,
I think.

2238
01:35:17,240 --> 01:35:18,639
It was never
even a consideration

2239
01:35:18,720 --> 01:35:20,096
if I would get to
keep you, actually.

2240
01:35:20,120 --> 01:35:23,795
She said she found a nice
family that lived in Hawaii.

2241
01:35:25,000 --> 01:35:27,878
They weren't nice.
They were wonderful.

2242
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:29,632
I know they've passed.
I'm sorry.

2243
01:35:31,320 --> 01:35:34,312
My parents are gone, too.

2244
01:35:34,400 --> 01:35:37,790
It's just you and me.

2245
01:35:41,520 --> 01:35:44,796
Part of the deal
was that they would

2246
01:35:44,880 --> 01:35:48,668
send me a picture
of you every year

2247
01:35:48,760 --> 01:35:55,518
(VOICE BREAKING) so that I could
just see that you were okay.

2248
01:35:57,480 --> 01:35:58,913
(SCOFFS LIGHTLY)

2249
01:36:00,760 --> 01:36:02,557
KRISTIN: (SOFTLY)
Wow. What?

2250
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:07,874
(KRISTIN CHUCKLES)

2251
01:36:17,640 --> 01:36:19,119
I don't understand.

2252
01:36:20,680 --> 01:36:22,033
Why didn't you
ever contact me?

2253
01:36:26,880 --> 01:36:28,518
That was the other
part of the deal.

2254
01:36:33,040 --> 01:36:38,034
So, I lost my
true love and you,

2255
01:36:38,120 --> 01:36:41,510
and I didn't want
to replace that,

2256
01:36:41,600 --> 01:36:47,516
(CLEARS THROAT) so I went for a
career and that is what I have.

2257
01:36:50,600 --> 01:36:51,600
(KATIE CRYING)

2258
01:36:51,920 --> 01:36:53,069
What is that?

2259
01:36:53,960 --> 01:36:55,712
That's your granddaughter.

2260
01:36:58,280 --> 01:36:59,759
That's my
boyfriend, Zack.

2261
01:37:01,800 --> 01:37:05,918
Katie, I want you to
meet someone special.

2262
01:37:06,000 --> 01:37:07,592
This is Katie.

2263
01:37:07,680 --> 01:37:11,878
(GASPS) Katie, do you
want to meet someone?

2264
01:37:13,240 --> 01:37:14,309
Yes.

2265
01:37:19,680 --> 01:37:22,240
That's your grandma.

2266
01:37:23,080 --> 01:37:24,149
Hello.

2267
01:37:24,720 --> 01:37:25,720
(CHUCKLES)

2268
01:37:26,680 --> 01:37:27,680
(LAUGHS)

2269
01:37:32,320 --> 01:37:35,039
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

2270
01:37:37,960 --> 01:37:39,313
(PANTS)

2271
01:37:39,640 --> 01:37:41,278
Hey, how is he?
He's good.

2272
01:37:41,400 --> 01:37:43,120
He's back to his normal self.
Oh, thank God.

2273
01:37:43,160 --> 01:37:45,176
They're supposed to be bringing him out.
I'm going to go check.

2274
01:37:45,200 --> 01:37:47,077
Thank God. Oh, good.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PA)

2275
01:37:47,280 --> 01:37:48,349
Hi.

2276
01:37:48,920 --> 01:37:50,558
Hi. You okay?
Hi.

2277
01:37:50,640 --> 01:37:51,959
Yes.

2278
01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:54,998
Sandy, I am so sorry.
Yeah.

2279
01:37:55,080 --> 01:37:56,456
I don't know what
happened to his inhaler.

2280
01:37:56,480 --> 01:37:57,993
That's why we have
a backup.

2281
01:37:58,200 --> 01:38:00,031
Your middle name
is now backup.

2282
01:38:00,120 --> 01:38:02,714
Okay. I just...
I really panicked.

2283
01:38:02,800 --> 01:38:03,800
I know.

2284
01:38:03,880 --> 01:38:05,199
How do you
stay so calm?

2285
01:38:05,280 --> 01:38:09,751
Well, Tina, it just
takes time.

2286
01:38:09,840 --> 01:38:11,990
It's time.
I mean, Peter's...

2287
01:38:12,080 --> 01:38:13,559
Thirteen.
How old?

2288
01:38:13,640 --> 01:38:14,640
How old are you?
Thirteen.

2289
01:38:14,720 --> 01:38:17,154
Thirteen. It takes
13 years, you know?

2290
01:38:17,240 --> 01:38:18,958
So, just give
yourself a break.

2291
01:38:19,080 --> 01:38:21,120
Otherwise, you're going
to really wear yourself down

2292
01:38:21,200 --> 01:38:22,872
and it's going to
piss me off.

2293
01:38:23,040 --> 01:38:24,758
Make that one of your rules.
That's good.

2294
01:38:25,320 --> 01:38:27,515
Whose child is this?

2295
01:38:27,600 --> 01:38:29,033
Mommy!

2296
01:38:29,120 --> 01:38:31,793
Oh, baby, hi.

2297
01:38:31,880 --> 01:38:34,474
Mommy, can I have
some candy, please? Oh...

2298
01:38:34,600 --> 01:38:36,750
Sly move.

2299
01:38:36,840 --> 01:38:38,717
I told you
you'd be okay.

2300
01:38:38,800 --> 01:38:42,873
All right, I'm going to get you some
candy and maybe one for myself.

2301
01:38:42,960 --> 01:38:44,376
Hold this, please.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

2302
01:38:44,400 --> 01:38:46,197
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON PA CONTINUES)

2303
01:38:48,440 --> 01:38:51,238
<i>Now, since it's Mother's Day
and I am a mother,</i>

2304
01:38:51,480 --> 01:38:55,234
<i>I'd like to introduce a very special guest,
my daughter, Kristin.</i>

2305
01:38:57,800 --> 01:39:01,156
<i>She has something very special
she would like to say.</i>

2306
01:39:09,160 --> 01:39:13,517
<i>Father of my child,
light of my life,</i>

2307
01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:18,998
<i>Zack, will you marry me?</i>

2308
01:39:19,080 --> 01:39:21,753
<i>And because I made
you wait so long,</i>

2309
01:39:21,840 --> 01:39:25,037
<i>I'd like to do it today,
while my mother's still here.</i>

2310
01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:32,709
Well, will you?

2311
01:39:33,880 --> 01:39:34,880
Wha...

2312
01:39:35,360 --> 01:39:36,360
Uh...

2313
01:39:36,440 --> 01:39:37,919
The show's pre-taped.

2314
01:39:42,600 --> 01:39:43,953
Will you?

2315
01:39:44,920 --> 01:39:46,990
Well, you know,

2316
01:39:47,080 --> 01:39:49,389
I'm going to have
to think it over.

2317
01:39:49,960 --> 01:39:50,960
Hmm.

2318
01:39:52,000 --> 01:39:53,877
Okay, I did.

2319
01:39:53,960 --> 01:39:55,632
Yes.

2320
01:39:55,760 --> 01:39:57,273
I love you.
I love you, too.

2321
01:40:02,160 --> 01:40:03,160
Oh...

2322
01:40:03,760 --> 01:40:05,512
Oh, I think it's time.

2323
01:40:06,200 --> 01:40:07,599
MAN: Gotta go.
Oh...

2324
01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:09,955
Where's my purse?
Where are the keys?

2325
01:40:10,040 --> 01:40:11,439
KRISTIN: Good luck, you guys.

2326
01:40:11,520 --> 01:40:14,398
Time for a wedding.
Where's Shorty? Shorty?

2327
01:40:14,480 --> 01:40:15,708
Me.

2328
01:40:15,800 --> 01:40:17,438
You're Shorty?
Yeah.

2329
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:18,589
Should have guessed.

2330
01:40:18,680 --> 01:40:20,716
Okay, listen,
Miranda wants to throw

2331
01:40:20,800 --> 01:40:23,268
a big expensive wedding
at the best hotel,

2332
01:40:23,360 --> 01:40:25,078
but Kristin wants
to get married here

2333
01:40:25,160 --> 01:40:26,456
because that's
where they first met.

2334
01:40:26,480 --> 01:40:29,040
Great, and we'll do our best
to make it expensive.

2335
01:40:29,120 --> 01:40:30,155
Well, thank you for that.

2336
01:40:30,280 --> 01:40:31,576
SHORTY: Who's going to
perform the ceremony?

2337
01:40:31,600 --> 01:40:32,635
I'm officiating.

2338
01:40:32,760 --> 01:40:34,034
You got a license?

2339
01:40:34,120 --> 01:40:36,350
Of course, from
the online church of Idaho.

2340
01:40:36,440 --> 01:40:37,759
Can we do this now?

2341
01:40:39,440 --> 01:40:41,271
Wow. We're gonna make a buck.

2342
01:40:41,560 --> 01:40:44,438
NURSE: (ON PA) <i>Paging
Dr. Freeman and Dr. Sheehan.</i>

2343
01:40:44,520 --> 01:40:47,432
<i>Please report to
the nurse's station.</i>

2344
01:40:48,280 --> 01:40:49,918
(EXHALES)

2345
01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:51,638
(MACHINE BEEPS)

2346
01:40:53,080 --> 01:40:54,080
(WHIRRS)

2347
01:40:57,800 --> 01:40:59,119
Come on.

2348
01:41:00,840 --> 01:41:02,637
Are you kidding me?

2349
01:41:02,960 --> 01:41:04,996
This is what's going
to happen today?

2350
01:41:06,160 --> 01:41:07,160
(SIGHS)

2351
01:41:07,680 --> 01:41:09,432
All right, okay.

2352
01:41:13,720 --> 01:41:16,188
(GRUNTS) God!
Oh, no, no, no, no.

2353
01:41:18,280 --> 01:41:19,280
Oh, God.

2354
01:41:19,640 --> 01:41:20,640
(GROANS)

2355
01:41:22,400 --> 01:41:23,992
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2356
01:41:25,880 --> 01:41:27,074
(GRUNTING)

2357
01:41:27,160 --> 01:41:28,160
Whoa.

2358
01:41:29,360 --> 01:41:31,216
BRADLEY: You know what?
Guys, let's go this way.

2359
01:41:31,240 --> 01:41:33,320
Let's not get involved.
Come on, here we go. (GRUNTS)

2360
01:41:33,360 --> 01:41:34,429
Oh...

2361
01:41:34,520 --> 01:41:36,158
Hey, tampon man.

2362
01:41:37,480 --> 01:41:38,754
SANDY: Right?
Remember at the...

2363
01:41:38,840 --> 01:41:40,193
Hey.
Hi.

2364
01:41:40,480 --> 01:41:41,879
Hi there.
Um...

2365
01:41:42,040 --> 01:41:43,598
We were...
Yes.

2366
01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:45,033
Yeah, of course, hi.

2367
01:41:45,240 --> 01:41:46,798
It's actually Bradley.

2368
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:48,194
Oh, Bradley.
Yeah.

2369
01:41:48,320 --> 01:41:50,496
These are my daughters.
This is Rachel, and this is Vicky.

2370
01:41:50,520 --> 01:41:51,520
RACHEL: Hi.
Hi.

2371
01:41:51,680 --> 01:41:52,795
BRADLEY: This is...
Sandy.

2372
01:41:53,080 --> 01:41:55,071
With two sons.
Yes, that's right.

2373
01:41:55,160 --> 01:41:57,116
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Um...

2374
01:41:57,240 --> 01:41:58,673
You all right?
You know what? No.

2375
01:41:58,880 --> 01:42:01,110
(CHUCKLES) I'm kind of in
a little bit of a situation.

2376
01:42:01,280 --> 01:42:02,508
Okay. I got you.
It's so silly.

2377
01:42:02,720 --> 01:42:04,039
Girls, do me a favor,

2378
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:05,256
why don't you run
and go find and see

2379
01:42:05,280 --> 01:42:06,508
if someone has
a key for this?

2380
01:42:06,720 --> 01:42:08,790
There's, like, a security
guard up front I'm sure.

2381
01:42:08,880 --> 01:42:09,880
(MUMBLING)

2382
01:42:10,200 --> 01:42:12,350
It probably looks
kind of suspicious.

2383
01:42:12,920 --> 01:42:15,593
Are you wondering
how I got into

2384
01:42:15,680 --> 01:42:17,079
this predicament?
Mmm.

2385
01:42:17,200 --> 01:42:18,200
No, I'm not really.

2386
01:42:18,720 --> 01:42:20,296
You see what happens every time...
Uh-huh.

2387
01:42:20,320 --> 01:42:22,016
...I try to get up?
It's caught on something.

2388
01:42:22,040 --> 01:42:23,376
It's not coming down
any further, all right,

2389
01:42:23,400 --> 01:42:25,038
well, let me see
what I can do there.

2390
01:42:25,200 --> 01:42:26,776
Pull your wrist over this way.
Ow! Careful.

2391
01:42:26,800 --> 01:42:27,800
What?

2392
01:42:27,880 --> 01:42:30,075
It's a Miranda Collins
bracelet, just, you know. Oh...

2393
01:42:30,240 --> 01:42:31,468
(GRUNTS)

2394
01:42:32,520 --> 01:42:34,351
What did you do
to your leg?

2395
01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:36,032
(STUTTERS)

2396
01:42:36,160 --> 01:42:40,039
Another hip-hop-related
casualty is all.

2397
01:42:40,280 --> 01:42:41,554
Hip hop?
Yeah. What about you?

2398
01:42:41,800 --> 01:42:42,880
Why are you here?
Are you in

2399
01:42:42,920 --> 01:42:44,319
the psychiatric wing?
(LAUGHS)

2400
01:42:44,880 --> 01:42:48,111
No. My son had
an asthma attack.

2401
01:42:48,560 --> 01:42:50,869
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Is he okay?

2402
01:42:51,040 --> 01:42:54,555
Yeah, he's all back to normal,
so I'm getting him this candy.

2403
01:42:54,640 --> 01:42:55,755
I got you, we'll get it.

2404
01:42:56,000 --> 01:42:57,056
SANDY: Oh, bend it, bend it.

2405
01:42:57,080 --> 01:42:58,256
BRADLEY: Here, I'm going to
pull it down. There.

2406
01:42:58,280 --> 01:42:59,349
(CLICKS)
Ow...

2407
01:42:59,440 --> 01:43:00,839
Whoa. Awesome.
Ta-da.

2408
01:43:01,080 --> 01:43:02,195
Wait.
You're free.

2409
01:43:02,320 --> 01:43:03,355
Get that thing
down here.

2410
01:43:03,440 --> 01:43:05,078
This thing?
Get that Skittle.

2411
01:43:05,160 --> 01:43:06,680
That's why I did it
in the first place.

2412
01:43:06,760 --> 01:43:08,273
Don't. This is
what's going to happen.

2413
01:43:10,160 --> 01:43:11,195
(YELLS)

2414
01:43:11,280 --> 01:43:13,032
Hey, all right.
Yeah.

2415
01:43:13,200 --> 01:43:14,599
That's amazing.
Nicely done.

2416
01:43:14,760 --> 01:43:15,760
Get it.

2417
01:43:16,120 --> 01:43:18,190
Wait. Oh, you know what,
while we're in here...

2418
01:43:19,640 --> 01:43:21,153
Okay, but if anybody
catches us,

2419
01:43:21,280 --> 01:43:23,080
we'll say you're stealing
candy for sick kids.

2420
01:43:23,120 --> 01:43:24,678
Thank you so much.
Yeah.

2421
01:43:25,040 --> 01:43:26,314
I owe you one.

2422
01:43:26,440 --> 01:43:27,793
No, random act of kindness.

2423
01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:29,040
Well, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2424
01:43:29,120 --> 01:43:30,599
Do you need a ride?

2425
01:43:30,800 --> 01:43:32,199
No, we have a car.

2426
01:43:32,320 --> 01:43:34,197
Yeah. Of course, of course.
Yeah.

2427
01:43:34,280 --> 01:43:35,554
And I...
(CHUCKLES)

2428
01:43:35,640 --> 01:43:37,198
What am I thinking?
I've got my kids,

2429
01:43:37,320 --> 01:43:39,470
my ex-husband, his new wife.
Oh...

2430
01:43:39,720 --> 01:43:40,948
It's a carful.
Wow.

2431
01:43:41,040 --> 01:43:43,110
Yeah, I'm divorced, too.

2432
01:43:45,120 --> 01:43:46,120
Oh, um...

2433
01:43:46,440 --> 01:43:50,956
Actually, my wife
passed away, so...

2434
01:43:51,320 --> 01:43:52,320
Oh...

2435
01:43:52,920 --> 01:43:55,275
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

2436
01:43:56,480 --> 01:43:58,550
Oh, that must make today so hard.
It's okay.

2437
01:43:58,800 --> 01:44:00,756
It's starting to be okay.

2438
01:44:01,160 --> 01:44:02,195
(CHUCKLES)

2439
01:44:02,280 --> 01:44:03,280
Thank you.

2440
01:44:03,480 --> 01:44:05,016
Dad, we looked everywhere.
We couldn't...

2441
01:44:05,040 --> 01:44:06,320
No, no, no.
We're good, actually.

2442
01:44:06,480 --> 01:44:07,833
She's free.
BRADLEY: Free.

2443
01:44:08,080 --> 01:44:09,798
Emancipated.
Yeah. We're good. Yup.

2444
01:44:09,880 --> 01:44:10,995
(LAUGHS)

2445
01:44:11,480 --> 01:44:13,152
Yeah. Um...
So...

2446
01:44:13,760 --> 01:44:16,797
Well, hey, I will see
you around, I guess.

2447
01:44:17,080 --> 01:44:18,308
That would be nice.

2448
01:44:18,520 --> 01:44:20,080
RACHEL: Wait, my dad
owns a fitness gym.

2449
01:44:20,280 --> 01:44:22,120
Give her your card.
You should totally stop by,

2450
01:44:22,200 --> 01:44:25,033
you know, try a yoga class
or pole dancing even. Mmm.

2451
01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:26,998
It helps you get in
touch with your body.

2452
01:44:27,480 --> 01:44:28,993
Mmm-hmm.
I've heard.

2453
01:44:29,120 --> 01:44:31,190
(GASPS)
This is my gym.

2454
01:44:31,480 --> 01:44:32,595
It is?

2455
01:44:32,760 --> 01:44:34,159
I go to this gym.

2456
01:44:34,280 --> 01:44:35,280
What?

2457
01:44:35,360 --> 01:44:37,157
I just signed up,
like, a couple weeks ago.

2458
01:44:37,360 --> 01:44:38,679
How have I not
seen you?

2459
01:44:38,800 --> 01:44:39,869
I've never seen you there.

2460
01:44:40,000 --> 01:44:41,536
I know, how have I
never seen you there?

2461
01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:43,160
That's weird.
(WHISPERS) That's so weird.

2462
01:44:43,520 --> 01:44:47,672
All right, well, great,
so maybe I'll see you there sometime.

2463
01:44:48,120 --> 01:44:49,838
Thanks.
Yeah, thank you.

2464
01:44:50,360 --> 01:44:52,351
JESSE: Go here.
FLO: Like that? No, this?

2465
01:44:52,520 --> 01:44:53,520
JESSE: Go up.

2466
01:44:54,360 --> 01:44:56,271
Oh, no, that's terrible.
I love it.

2467
01:44:56,360 --> 01:44:57,839
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

2468
01:44:58,040 --> 01:44:59,216
RUSSELL: All right.
Let's eat, guys.

2469
01:44:59,240 --> 01:45:00,275
Let's eat, Mom.

2470
01:45:00,640 --> 01:45:02,198
Mom!
Whoa!

2471
01:45:03,160 --> 01:45:04,656
Mom, you didn't tell
me you were coming.

2472
01:45:04,680 --> 01:45:06,033
Surprise.
(LAUGHS) Oh.

2473
01:45:06,320 --> 01:45:07,878
I didn't know
you were coming.

2474
01:45:07,960 --> 01:45:09,951
<i>Beta,</i> I need money to
tip the Ubber driver.

2475
01:45:10,320 --> 01:45:11,320
Okay, it's Uber.

2476
01:45:12,080 --> 01:45:13,195
I came to see you.

2477
01:45:13,280 --> 01:45:15,475
How did you know
we were even here?

2478
01:45:15,560 --> 01:45:16,675
I'm a mother.
Mmm...

2479
01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:19,479
Flo, it's so good to see you.
Oh, my goodness.

2480
01:45:19,560 --> 01:45:20,754
We did it.

2481
01:45:21,360 --> 01:45:22,509
(LAUGHTER)

2482
01:45:23,520 --> 01:45:24,520
Okay.

2483
01:45:26,160 --> 01:45:27,354
Oh. Oh!

2484
01:45:27,440 --> 01:45:29,158
Wow! You look
really nice.

2485
01:45:29,440 --> 01:45:31,112
Are you ready?

2486
01:45:31,200 --> 01:45:32,872
I am ready.

2487
01:45:34,080 --> 01:45:38,039
Oh, but, um, I think
I'll need someone to hold Katie.

2488
01:45:41,920 --> 01:45:43,353
It would be my honor.

2489
01:45:45,200 --> 01:45:46,200
(CHUCKLES)

2490
01:45:46,240 --> 01:45:47,912
Okay, you ready?

2491
01:45:48,000 --> 01:45:49,069
Come to Grandma.

2492
01:45:49,440 --> 01:45:51,510
Oh.
Ooh, sticky.

2493
01:45:51,600 --> 01:45:52,936
(CHUCKLES) They're always sticky.
Ugh.

2494
01:45:52,960 --> 01:45:54,313
I mean...
(CHUCKLES)

2495
01:45:54,680 --> 01:45:56,033
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)

2496
01:45:56,200 --> 01:45:57,758
All right,
there we go.

2497
01:45:58,880 --> 01:45:59,880
(SIGHS)

2498
01:46:00,200 --> 01:46:01,200
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

2499
01:46:01,280 --> 01:46:02,713
A little higher.
Don't drop her.

2500
01:46:02,800 --> 01:46:04,392
Little bit higher.
Yup, perfect. Got it.

2501
01:46:04,480 --> 01:46:06,516
Got it.
(SOFTLY) Okay.

2502
01:46:06,600 --> 01:46:08,113
Should we start
without you?

2503
01:46:08,280 --> 01:46:10,840
Oh, no, we're good to go.
Thanks, Dominic.

2504
01:46:10,960 --> 01:46:12,791
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Okay.

2505
01:46:15,360 --> 01:46:17,396
All right, let's go.

2506
01:46:17,480 --> 01:46:18,480
(CHUCKLES)

2507
01:46:20,040 --> 01:46:22,110
Ma, how long
are you staying?

2508
01:46:22,680 --> 01:46:23,954
We'll see.

2509
01:46:24,040 --> 01:46:26,156
FLOO: Earl and I may
stay awhile, too.

2510
01:46:26,240 --> 01:46:27,559
They have a big house.
(EXHALES)

2511
01:46:28,720 --> 01:46:30,836
Sorry that took so long.
Here, honey.

2512
01:46:30,920 --> 01:46:34,356
Just let me finish these release
papers and you'll be on your way.

2513
01:46:34,800 --> 01:46:36,552
HENRY: Thanks, you've
been very helpful.

2514
01:46:37,640 --> 01:46:39,949
(BOTH SIGHING)

2515
01:46:40,240 --> 01:46:42,754
Well, that was one of our
more eventful Mother's Days.

2516
01:46:42,840 --> 01:46:46,515
I mean, to be honest,
I really prefer the really boring, sweet,

2517
01:46:46,600 --> 01:46:49,160
burnt pancakes in bed,
you know what I mean?

2518
01:46:49,920 --> 01:46:51,239
I'm sorry about yesterday.

2519
01:46:54,240 --> 01:46:55,798
That party was
really stupid.

2520
01:46:56,040 --> 01:46:57,280
I can't believe
you had a llama.

2521
01:46:57,320 --> 01:46:58,480
I can't believe
I had a llama.

2522
01:46:58,520 --> 01:46:59,669
And an alpaca.

2523
01:46:59,880 --> 01:47:03,668
(CHUCKLES) Hey, kids, what do you say
we go to IHOP for dinner?

2524
01:47:03,840 --> 01:47:05,068
Yeah!
Breakfast for dinner.

2525
01:47:05,240 --> 01:47:06,309
Yeah.

2526
01:47:06,440 --> 01:47:08,296
Your mom and I just have to
wait for this paperwork.

2527
01:47:08,320 --> 01:47:09,799
We'll be a few minutes.

2528
01:47:10,040 --> 01:47:12,031
Yeah, we'll just
wait in the car.

2529
01:47:12,120 --> 01:47:13,838
Okay, come on, boys.
Come on.

2530
01:47:18,440 --> 01:47:19,714
Hey, Sandy.

2531
01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:21,870
Hey, Sandy
with two sons!

2532
01:47:22,080 --> 01:47:23,832
(RACHEL AND VICKY LAUGHING)

2533
01:47:25,200 --> 01:47:26,428
(CHUCKLES)

2534
01:47:34,680 --> 01:47:38,992
So, who's
Captain Pink Pants?

2535
01:47:39,560 --> 01:47:41,755
Oh!
(LAUGHS)

2536
01:47:42,080 --> 01:47:43,433
Uh, first of all,
they're salmon.

2537
01:47:43,560 --> 01:47:45,676
Oh, is that what those were?
And they're cute.

2538
01:47:46,680 --> 01:47:47,999
Anyone I should
know about?

2539
01:47:48,120 --> 01:47:51,078
Oh, trust me, I'll shock
you when it's permanent. (CHUCKLES)

2540
01:47:51,240 --> 01:47:54,710
Yeah, and does he know how
you hate beards? Oh...

2541
01:47:55,040 --> 01:47:58,077
You know what, I think it's
actually quite sexy on him.

2542
01:47:58,200 --> 01:47:59,269
Oh...

2543
01:48:00,080 --> 01:48:01,308
And we're back
to normal.

2544
01:48:01,400 --> 01:48:02,549
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

2545
01:48:06,600 --> 01:48:08,113
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

2546
01:48:13,920 --> 01:48:14,989
GUEST: Uh-oh.
GUEST: Whoo!

2547
01:48:19,440 --> 01:48:21,158
This is just
how I pictured it.

2548
01:48:27,840 --> 01:48:29,319
(WEDDING MUSIC PLAYING)

2549
01:48:33,480 --> 01:48:35,038
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

2550
01:48:38,920 --> 01:48:40,797
Can we vow this up, please?

2551
01:48:40,880 --> 01:48:42,871
We got people
waiting for tables.

2552
01:48:43,160 --> 01:48:44,160
Oh...

2553
01:48:45,720 --> 01:48:46,720
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.

2554
01:48:47,560 --> 01:48:48,560
All right.

2555
01:48:50,120 --> 01:48:53,157
LANCE: We are gathered here
to unite these two souls.

2556
01:48:53,400 --> 01:48:55,072
Who is giving
this young lady away?

2557
01:48:55,200 --> 01:48:58,795
I do, but I'm going to hold
onto this one a little longer.

2558
01:49:00,200 --> 01:49:01,758
LANCE: Zack, do you take...
I do.

2559
01:49:02,040 --> 01:49:04,190
(CHUCKLES) Before she
changes her mind.

2560
01:49:04,880 --> 01:49:06,199
And do you, Kristin?

2561
01:49:07,080 --> 01:49:10,152
I do, and I won't
be changing my mind.

2562
01:49:10,360 --> 01:49:13,397
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

2563
01:49:15,480 --> 01:49:17,038
If you don't kiss her,
I will.

2564
01:49:17,200 --> 01:49:18,200
(LAUGHTER)

2565
01:49:18,360 --> 01:49:19,679
(ALL CHEERING)

2566
01:49:25,160 --> 01:49:26,559
I'm very calm right now.

2567
01:49:26,640 --> 01:49:28,039
I see that.
I'm very happy.

2568
01:49:28,160 --> 01:49:30,000
That's very nice.
Let's take a picture of that.

2569
01:49:30,040 --> 01:49:31,871
Hold it high so we
both look skinny.

2570
01:49:41,360 --> 01:49:42,918
It's nothing.
I'm fine.

2571
01:49:43,000 --> 01:49:44,560
I know, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.

2572
01:49:44,640 --> 01:49:46,596
It's not scary, okay?
Scary.

2573
01:49:46,680 --> 01:49:47,829
It's not scary.

2574
01:49:57,640 --> 01:49:59,040
Isn't that obvious?
(BALLOON BURSTS)

2575
01:49:59,560 --> 01:50:00,788
(GRUNTING)

2576
01:50:00,880 --> 01:50:02,029
Man down.

2577
01:50:06,680 --> 01:50:07,715
(GRUNTS)

2578
01:50:07,800 --> 01:50:11,076
Come on, come on, come on!
Seriously? All right.

2579
01:50:15,200 --> 01:50:17,270
Hey. This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby.

2580
01:50:17,360 --> 01:50:19,954
MAN: Yeah, your hat, Hector!
Put on your hat.

2581
01:50:20,040 --> 01:50:21,439
What?

2582
01:50:21,520 --> 01:50:23,256
All right, this is not...
This is the wrong borough.

2583
01:50:23,280 --> 01:50:24,713
I'm from Manhattan.
The other one.

2584
01:50:24,800 --> 01:50:25,856
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
(CHUCKLES)

2585
01:50:25,880 --> 01:50:26,880
Okay, we're ready.

2586
01:50:26,960 --> 01:50:28,696
How's this going?
This is going to work very well.

2587
01:50:28,720 --> 01:50:31,996
(IN ACCENT) Okay. This is not a stadium,
this is a lobby.

2588
01:50:32,080 --> 01:50:33,638
You were not
an essay-contest winner.

2589
01:50:33,720 --> 01:50:37,872
But I do have this 100%
hypoallergenic right-side out bra,

2590
01:50:38,000 --> 01:50:40,036
(GASPS) for you to wear
home since you're

2591
01:50:40,440 --> 01:50:43,034
exposed on that side.
Oh, that's so kind of you.

2592
01:50:43,120 --> 01:50:44,120
(SNAPS FINGERS)

2593
01:50:44,480 --> 01:50:45,913
Thank you.
Pop that on. Gold plated.

2594
01:50:46,000 --> 01:50:47,274
Is this yours?
Well...

2595
01:50:47,400 --> 01:50:48,400
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

2596
01:50:55,560 --> 01:50:59,155
It's one really... long train.
(ALL LAUGHING)

2597
01:50:59,240 --> 01:51:00,559
Jesus!

2598
01:51:02,680 --> 01:51:03,680
(SIGHS)

2599
01:51:08,520 --> 01:51:10,640
I need to shave my
legs again quickly. (CREW LAUGHING)

2600
01:51:11,400 --> 01:51:12,628
WOMAN: Hold him still.
Okay.

2601
01:51:12,720 --> 01:51:14,358
(BOTH YELLING)

2602
01:51:14,480 --> 01:51:15,595
He's moving.

2603
01:51:15,680 --> 01:51:18,069
Tanner, no, no, no, no,
not on her bag!

2604
01:51:20,400 --> 01:51:22,080
It's, like, the fourth
time he's done this.

2605
01:51:23,440 --> 01:51:25,431
Enough with
the surprises, Sandy.

2606
01:51:25,520 --> 01:51:27,238
Sandy? I'm Sandy.

2607
01:51:27,800 --> 01:51:29,376
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not here for a picture.

2608
01:51:29,400 --> 01:51:30,833
I'm here...
I'm here to show Julia.

2609
01:51:31,000 --> 01:51:32,433
(ALL LAUGHING)

2610
01:51:36,960 --> 01:51:37,960
(GRUNTS)

2611
01:51:39,120 --> 01:51:40,758
Justified.

2612
01:51:42,480 --> 01:51:45,153
Sweetie, sweetie, your banana.
Sorry, your banana.

2613
01:51:45,280 --> 01:51:46,280
Ow!
Oh!

2614
01:51:46,840 --> 01:51:48,956
Whoa!
(PEOPLE GASP)

2615
01:51:49,120 --> 01:51:50,633
(LAUGHS AND SIGHS)

2616
01:51:52,360 --> 01:51:53,360
(GRUNTS)

2617
01:51:53,600 --> 01:51:54,828
Oh, it's connected
to a string.

2618
01:51:54,920 --> 01:51:56,956
What? This is a big joke.

2619
01:51:57,120 --> 01:51:59,509
Maybe it's dental floss.
New thing dentists are doing.

2620
01:52:01,600 --> 01:52:03,318
Happy Mother's Day!

2621
01:58:45,040 --> 01:58:46,696
MAN: Went actually very well.
MIRANDA: She's so good!

2622
01:58:46,720 --> 01:58:48,631
Yay.
MAN: Go again.

2622
01:58:49,305 --> 01:58:55,589
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