WEBVTT

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(MUSIC PLAYING)

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NARRATOR: <i>Ah, Mother's Day.</i>

4
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Paige, come on, honey,
you have to go to school.

5
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<i>I love being a mother.</i>

6
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<i>But what about the other
364 days of the year?</i>

7
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<i>When you're trying to
get your kid to school</i>

8
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<i>and you're surviving
on very little sleep</i>

9
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<i>because you're up all night sewing
costumes for the school play</i>

10
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<i>and you've still got to go
to work in the morning.</i>

11
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Go.

12
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<i>It's about
the never-ending driving</i>

13
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<i>to soccer,
gymnastics, or ballet.</i>

14
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(DOG BARKING)

15
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<i>It's about getting your kids
to look up from their computer</i>

16
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<i>or iPad or iPod or iPhone or
whatever "I" they're looking at.</i>

17
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Paige, wait, honey,
your banana, hold on, hold on!

18
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It's okay, honey,
just eat the peach.

19
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Eat the peach, it's fine.

20
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<i>In other words,
it's about being a...</i>

21
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MIKEY: Mom! Mom!

22
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Mom!

23
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(PANTING)
Peter...

24
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Wait, wait, wait... (SHUSHING)
breathe, slow down, slow down,

25
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breathe, hold on.

26
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There you go. See?

27
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Now tell me what happened.

28
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Peter left the top
of the ant farm open.

29
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All the ants are gone,
even the big red one.

30
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Oh, why?
Why did I buy this for you guys?

31
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I swear, I don't...

32
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Hey, hey, hey, Peter,
where did that come from?

33
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You know no junk food
for breakfast anymore.

34
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Dad brought them.
He lets us.

35
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(SCOFFS) He also lets you go to
school without any underwear.

36
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It's called
free-balling, Mom.

37
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I swear.
Where are all of these ants?

38
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It happened in the backyard.

39
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God. Peter, I'm not kidding.
I'm counting to three.

40
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One, two...

41
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Three.

42
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What?
When did that stop working?

43
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Come on,
I brought a box of donuts.

44
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It's not a federal offense,

45
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but I will take credit
for the underwear.

46
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Good morning.
Hello.

47
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Did you look this good
when we were married?

48
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No, I actually got better.

49
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When did you get in here?
I didn't even hear you come in.

50
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Came in through
the back door.

51
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I mean, we don't want the neighbors
talking, do we? (CLICKS TONGUE)

52
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Hmm. Are you hungry?

53
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Mmm.

54
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Here, have a donut.

55
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Your parents are divorced,
right?

56
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Oh, trust me,
there's weirdness.

57
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So, Peter, you decided
to invite your friends over

58
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at 7:45 in the morning?

59
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Hi.

60
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We're meeting here
for the carpool today.

61
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And the donuts.
HENRY: At my request.

62
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All right, you little hooligans,
let's go, time for school.

63
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Load up.

64
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Please, you cannot bring this
stuff into the house anymore.

65
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Yeah, but, uh, seriously,
could we have a conversation later?

66
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There's something important
I need to talk to you about.

67
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Sure, okay.

68
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Okay.
(PHONE RINGING)

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Telephone.

70
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Hey, Jess.

71
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I ate a whole
coffee cake last night.

72
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Pilates?

73
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No, I can't.
I have way too much work.

74
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But I've got to tell you,
the strangest thing just happened.

75
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What?

76
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I think I just caught Henry
totally checking me out,

77
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like twice.

78
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Was it like a long stare
or a gawk?

79
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Jesse, you've got to see this!

80
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I'm going to say like a gawk.

81
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What does that mean?

82
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I have no idea, but he said he
wants to sit down with me later

83
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and talk about
something important.

84
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What if he wants to
get back together?

85
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<i>What? No. No way.</i>

86
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(WHISPERS)
I'm coming, I'm coming.

87
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That is so not happening.

88
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Why not?
<i>Jesse.</i>

89
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You are the happiest
divorced couple I've ever met.

90
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I mean, maybe he's
figured you're the one.

91
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Max, get ready,
my sister's coming.

92
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No, no, no, no, no, no,
there's no way.

93
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That's not going to...
It's been years, it's all fine and...

94
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You don't really...
Really, you think it might be?

95
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Do you think?
<i>Here's what I'm wondering.</i>

96
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If you guys get remarried,
does it mean the ring has to be bigger?

97
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I'm saying yes.

98
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Okay, you just keep
thinking all of those

99
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wonderfully deep
thoughts, okay?

100
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I'll talk to you later.

101
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(CHUCKLES) Okay.

102
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Presenting our float
for the Mother's Day parade.

103
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ALL: Oh!

104
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(SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)

105
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(GRUNTING)

106
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Wow!

107
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Do you love it?
What is it?

108
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Womb. It's a womb.

109
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Of course.

110
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It's a womb float.

111
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Amazing. And so,
the tube?

112
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The umbilical cord.

113
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It's symbolic that we all
come from the same place,

114
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gay, straight, transgender,
black, white, purple, you know.

115
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Awesome.

116
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(CHUCKLES)
I love it.

117
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You're going to kill it
at the Mother's Day parade.

118
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Seriously, they're not going
to know what to do with it.

119
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You haven't seen
the best part.

120
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Oh, look at that!
I delivered a child for the second time.

121
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Wow! It's a boy.

122
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You've lost your mind.

123
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(BOTH LAUGHING)

124
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I'm going to go work out.
I'll be right over here.

125
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You good?

126
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All good, Val.

127
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Hey, Zack.

128
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Another week,
you won't need the tray.

129
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Another week, and you and
Kristin will be doing my shift.

130
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Hey, Val.

131
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Hey, Kristin. Hey.

132
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Hi, Daddy!

133
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Ooh.

134
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No, no, no, we sanitize.

135
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I literally just
washed my hands.

136
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Doesn't matter.

137
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I could always
wear a hazmat suit.

138
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(GASPS) I'd love that.

139
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The baby books call that
being a helicopter mom.

140
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You know, always hovering.

141
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Yeah, I've been
called them all,

142
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and it doesn't
faze me one bit.

143
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Milk bottles for tonight.

144
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Can you put those in the
fridge for me, please?

145
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Um, that may not work.

146
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I just found out...

147
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Hey, Zack,
can I get two more?

148
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Yep, on the way. Beanzie?

149
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I got accepted into the Buckhead
Standup Comedy Contest.

150
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First round's tonight,
three rounds,

151
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first prize is 5 grand.

152
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Babe, that would take my overall
earnings as a comic to,

153
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well, 5 grand.

154
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Just getting accepted into
the contest is a big deal.

155
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Yeah, of course,
I will figure something out with Katie.

156
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Don't worry.
Just go make 'em laugh.

157
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BOSS: I'm not paying you
to reproduce again.

158
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Sorry, boss.

159
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But don't mind me,
I'm just the owner.

160
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(CHUCKLES)

161
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RACHEL: Vicky,
don't kick the ball in here.

162
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Okay, okay.

163
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Thank you.

164
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Can't believe it's
already been a year.

165
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This will be our
first one without her.

166
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I miss her.

167
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Me, too.

168
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(CELL PHONE RINGING)

169
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Who's that?

170
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Just a friend,
wondering if I'll be

171
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at the mall
today after school.

172
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I've got to answer him.

173
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Is this "him" your,
uh, boyfriend?

174
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Dad, stop. Please.

175
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What?
Oh, my God.

176
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Seems like
a reasonable question

177
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for a father to
ask his daughter.

178
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Hey, Vicky,
you know, we should go.

179
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We're going to be
late for school,

180
00:07:57.440 --> 00:07:59.829
and you, don't be late
for soccer practice this time.

181
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I won't.

182
00:08:02.640 --> 00:08:04.870
Mom was never
late for practice.

183
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No, she wasn't.

184
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Can I drive?

185
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Absolutely not.

186
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No, look, we're all going to end
up in a place like this someday.

187
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All right?
I don't want to rush it.

188
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(CHUCKLES)

189
00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:26.715
What?

190
00:08:26.800 --> 00:08:29.678
That was just like
the old Dad, making jokes.

191
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Yeah, I guess.

192
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So, listen, Dad.

193
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After I get my license,
could I maybe, you know,

194
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drive Mom's Volkswagen?

195
00:08:38.520 --> 00:08:40.456
No, no, no, I'm going to sell it.
I told you that.

196
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Come on, Dad.
Pretty please?

197
00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:43.718
It's literally just
sitting in the garage.

198
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Absolutely not.

199
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Well, thanks for
thinking that over. Great.

200
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I'm Adam Freeman.

201
00:08:51.480 --> 00:08:54.233
Thanks for joining me here
on HSN from our headquarters

202
00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:56.072
in St. Petersburg, Florida.

203
00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:59.232
<i>Right now, I would like to send
it over to Atlanta, Georgia,</i>

204
00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:02.153
<i>where the very lovely Miranda
Collins is on her book tour.</i>

205
00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:03.559
Hello, Adam.

206
00:09:03.640 --> 00:09:04.709
Hello, Atlanta.

207
00:09:04.800 --> 00:09:06.199
Hello, viewers.

208
00:09:06.280 --> 00:09:08.794
So, Mother's Day
is getting so close,

209
00:09:08.880 --> 00:09:12.953
and we have these gorgeous
crystal mood pendants.

210
00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:14.993
It is the perfect
gift for Mom.

211
00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:18.231
These genuine quartz
crystal mood pendants

212
00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:20.470
change color with your mood.

213
00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:22.471
Now, wouldn't it
be nice to know

214
00:09:22.560 --> 00:09:25.996
if your mom is
happy or sad or mad?

215
00:09:26.160 --> 00:09:27.229
(LAUGHS)
(BELL DINGS)

216
00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:30.000
Oh, we have just sold
our 800th pendant!

217
00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:31.115
Bingo!

218
00:09:34.760 --> 00:09:37.149
Oh, God, I know that look.

219
00:09:37.480 --> 00:09:38.754
You hate the float.

220
00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:41.479
No, it's not the float.

221
00:09:42.680 --> 00:09:44.193
It's just all this
Mother's Day stuff

222
00:09:44.280 --> 00:09:46.296
and I start thinking about
how I haven't talked to Mom.

223
00:09:46.320 --> 00:09:50.359
I don't even remember what our
stupid argument was about.

224
00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:51.793
Oh, let me
refresh your memory.

225
00:09:51.880 --> 00:09:53.416
She saw a picture of you
and Russell on Facebook,

226
00:09:53.440 --> 00:09:56.113
and even though he's a doctor,
she threatened to disown you

227
00:09:56.240 --> 00:09:59.198
if you continue to date a man whose
skin was darker than a Frappuccino.

228
00:09:59.280 --> 00:10:01.191
Okay, I get it.

229
00:10:03.760 --> 00:10:05.159
Look, you can always call her,

230
00:10:05.240 --> 00:10:08.073
not that I understand why you
would want to, or Skype.

231
00:10:08.240 --> 00:10:09.593
She's into that now.

232
00:10:09.680 --> 00:10:11.591
Our parents have the Internet?

233
00:10:11.680 --> 00:10:13.591
How do they do that
with a rotary phone?

234
00:10:13.680 --> 00:10:16.148
Hmm. Fancier trailer park?

235
00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:19.393
Well, when are you planning on
telling them about you and Max?

236
00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:21.040
Never.

237
00:10:21.080 --> 00:10:22.736
I'm engaged to an investment
banker named Steven.

238
00:10:22.760 --> 00:10:23.920
We have not set the date yet.

239
00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:25.336
He has low sperm count
and I'm in therapy.

240
00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:26.360
That's my story.

241
00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:30.558
Maybe if you tell them about you two
first, it'll soften the blow for me.

242
00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:34.157
Don't even try to piggyback
your secret on my secret.

243
00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:36.595
Besides, she's in Texas.
We're fine.

244
00:10:36.880 --> 00:10:38.518
Yeah, we're fine,

245
00:10:39.920 --> 00:10:42.150
just motherless
this time of year.

246
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.276
There's a reason we
moved here to Georgia.

247
00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:45.793
She ruins everything,
remember?

248
00:10:45.880 --> 00:10:48.394
I mean, at least
everything we let her.

249
00:10:48.760 --> 00:10:50.830
I just feel like
we don't have family.

250
00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:52.075
(CHUCKLES)

251
00:10:52.160 --> 00:10:55.118
I'm your sister.
I live next door to you.

252
00:10:56.080 --> 00:10:57.832
Thank you very much.

253
00:11:03.680 --> 00:11:04.749
Thanks.

254
00:11:04.840 --> 00:11:05.989
Little hot, careful.

255
00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:08.120
Mmm.

256
00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:10.153
It's really hot.

257
00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:12.440
(SIGHS)

258
00:11:14.200 --> 00:11:17.112
What did you
want to talk about?

259
00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:19.760
Sounded so important.

260
00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:23.353
(LAUGHS) Uh...

261
00:11:25.640 --> 00:11:27.517
Oh, my God, what is it?

262
00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:28.919
I, uh...

263
00:11:31.520 --> 00:11:32.520
I, um...

264
00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:34.793
I got married.

265
00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:38.114
Eloped, actually.

266
00:11:39.880 --> 00:11:41.393
Very impulsive.

267
00:11:43.800 --> 00:11:45.028
You got married?

268
00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:46.269
Yeah.

269
00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:49.676
You got... To who?

270
00:11:49.880 --> 00:11:51.279
To Tina.

271
00:11:51.760 --> 00:11:52.909
To Tina?

272
00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:54.315
Yeah, to Tina.

273
00:11:55.480 --> 00:11:56.480
To Tina?

274
00:11:56.920 --> 00:11:57.920
Stop saying, "To Tina."

275
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:03.028
(STUTTERING) I'm sorry,
I'm so confused right now.

276
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:05.714
I mean, I thought
you guys broke up so long ago.

277
00:12:05.800 --> 00:12:06.800
We did.

278
00:12:07.160 --> 00:12:08.673
But then there
was that stripper.

279
00:12:09.160 --> 00:12:10.639
Dancer, yeah.

280
00:12:10.760 --> 00:12:11.829
Stripper.

281
00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:16.238
And then, Tina and I
got back together.

282
00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:18.079
How does this...

283
00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:19.639
Wow. You got back together.

284
00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:23.319
She's the one.

285
00:12:25.280 --> 00:12:26.280
Ah.

286
00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:28.920
Well, let's say the next one.

287
00:12:29.800 --> 00:12:30.835
Right.

288
00:12:31.680 --> 00:12:35.070
You know, I've always respected
the agreement we've had

289
00:12:35.160 --> 00:12:36.798
to keep our
love lives separate

290
00:12:36.880 --> 00:12:38.950
until they become permanent,

291
00:12:39.040 --> 00:12:41.679
which now it has.

292
00:12:42.040 --> 00:12:47.433
Okay, so,
when do we tell the boys?

293
00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:51.476
Oh, I already told them
on the way to school.

294
00:12:51.640 --> 00:12:53.756
What? You already told them?

295
00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:54.955
Yeah.

296
00:12:55.520 --> 00:12:58.637
On the way to school,
with those other children in the car?

297
00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:01.917
No, I waited till
those kids got out.

298
00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:03.638
Oh, you did, good.
That's good.

299
00:13:03.760 --> 00:13:07.673
So, that was a really nice,
well-thought-out moment for you guys.

300
00:13:07.760 --> 00:13:09.876
That's nice.
Thanks for waiting for me.

301
00:13:10.400 --> 00:13:12.231
They were excited.

302
00:13:12.760 --> 00:13:14.557
They know her.
They really like her.

303
00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:16.475
Okay.

304
00:13:19.520 --> 00:13:21.556
(SIGHS) Well...

305
00:13:24.040 --> 00:13:26.952
Oh, gosh, I have to, um...

306
00:13:27.040 --> 00:13:29.156
I have to meet
Jess at Pilates.

307
00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:30.639
Sorry, I don't mean to...

308
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:32.119
No, no, no.

309
00:13:32.880 --> 00:13:34.696
I wanted to make sure
you heard it from me first.

310
00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:36.233
Yes, I know, I know.

311
00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:38.228
Okay, well, um...

312
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:40.240
Uh...

313
00:13:41.040 --> 00:13:42.598
I'm happy for you.

314
00:13:43.040 --> 00:13:44.359
Thank you.

315
00:13:55.640 --> 00:13:57.835
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

316
00:14:04.280 --> 00:14:06.748
Hi, Bradley. Are you going to
join us on the poles today?

317
00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:08.910
Uh, not today,
Beth Anne, no.

318
00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:11.274
Sisters.

319
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:21.718
We want to talk to you.
Go, Jody.

320
00:14:21.800 --> 00:14:24.872
Bradley, there's this new mom at
school we want to set you up with.

321
00:14:25.040 --> 00:14:26.040
She's recently divorced.

322
00:14:26.120 --> 00:14:27.120
Not too recent.

323
00:14:27.200 --> 00:14:30.112
With one of those annoyingly
perfect lives-at-the-gym bodies.

324
00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:31.514
But with boobs, big boobs.

325
00:14:31.640 --> 00:14:32.640
I mean big boobs.

326
00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:34.073
Look, ladies,
I really appreciate

327
00:14:34.160 --> 00:14:35.878
you looking out
for me like this,

328
00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:38.349
but I just don't think
I'm ready quite yet, you know?

329
00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:40.640
But when I am, I will definitely
come talk to you guys.

330
00:14:40.680 --> 00:14:42.159
It'd be dumb not to.

331
00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:44.232
What are your plans
for Mother's Day?

332
00:14:44.800 --> 00:14:45.800
Oh, um...

333
00:14:46.920 --> 00:14:49.753
No plans.
We're not celebrating.

334
00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:52.918
I've been thinking about this
long and hard and believe me,

335
00:14:53.000 --> 00:14:54.718
I think what's
best for the girls

336
00:14:54.800 --> 00:14:56.552
is to just skip
the day altogether.

337
00:14:56.640 --> 00:15:00.474
You know, just treat it like a normal
Sunday, nothing special. You know?

338
00:15:00.560 --> 00:15:02.630
What do you guys
think about that?

339
00:15:03.520 --> 00:15:05.829
Absolutely not. No.
Major mistake, Bradley.

340
00:15:06.040 --> 00:15:08.634
Dana would not like that.
Think about the kids.

341
00:15:09.560 --> 00:15:11.000
You guys, look!
It's Miranda! (GASPS)

342
00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:12.416
<i>Am I really on with
the Miranda Collins?</i>

343
00:15:12.440 --> 00:15:15.318
<i>Am I really on with
the Edith from Waukesha?</i>

344
00:15:15.400 --> 00:15:16.469
<i>Go ahead, Edith.</i>

345
00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:19.160
EDITH: Could I see the
bracelet a bit closer, please?

346
00:15:21.160 --> 00:15:22.388
My pleasure.

347
00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:26.592
How's that, Edith?

348
00:15:26.680 --> 00:15:29.399
EDITH: <i>Ooh, that's lovely.
I'll take two.</i>

349
00:15:29.520 --> 00:15:32.353
And it won't cost you an arm and a leg.
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH)

350
00:15:33.560 --> 00:15:35.039
BRADLEY: Perfect. Good.

351
00:15:35.160 --> 00:15:36.593
Nice crisp passes, guys!

352
00:15:36.680 --> 00:15:39.433
My mom said your mom was
lieutenant in the Marines

353
00:15:39.520 --> 00:15:41.112
and your dad
was a Marine, too?

354
00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:42.952
Yeah, he was
a master sergeant.

355
00:15:43.040 --> 00:15:44.520
BRADLEY: Come on,
we've got to hustle.

356
00:15:44.560 --> 00:15:45.834
He sure knows
how to yell.

357
00:15:45.920 --> 00:15:48.016
Kick it to where they're going to be,
not where they are

358
00:15:48.040 --> 00:15:50.376
because they'll be gone from
there by the time it gets there!

359
00:15:50.400 --> 00:15:52.118
Leaner, come on, Rach.

360
00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:53.633
Case in point!

361
00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:55.592
Rachel, you've got
to hustle. Come on.

362
00:15:55.680 --> 00:15:56.795
VICKY: Hey!

363
00:15:56.880 --> 00:15:59.030
Thank you, Vicky.
Thank you for your help.

364
00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:00.553
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
(WHISTLING)

365
00:16:00.640 --> 00:16:03.029
Hey, Evelyn,
what are you doing?

366
00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:05.156
Are you texting?
Are you?

367
00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:07.510
Yeah, there's no
texting in soccer, okay?

368
00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:10.433
I mean, there's running
and jumping, eye contact,

369
00:16:10.520 --> 00:16:11.794
laughing, there's even crying.

370
00:16:11.880 --> 00:16:12.915
There's no texting.

371
00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:14.513
Please, put that away,
all right?

372
00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:16.033
Hey, hey, hey!

373
00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:18.520
(CHUCKLES)

374
00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:20.068
What?

375
00:16:20.160 --> 00:16:21.718
Thomas is
watching you.

376
00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:25.954
Yeah, watching me
screw up, thank you.

377
00:16:27.760 --> 00:16:29.193
BRADLEY: Back to soccer!

378
00:16:31.760 --> 00:16:33.512
I guess that's
Tommy there, all right.

379
00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:35.758
Let's go!
(WHISTLES)

380
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.000
(ALL CHUCKLING) All right, go, let's go!
Come on!

381
00:16:38.920 --> 00:16:40.114
GIRL: Here we go.

382
00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:41.315
Nice!

383
00:16:41.400 --> 00:16:43.789
VICKY: Rachel's open!
BRADLEY: Chase it down, that's it.

384
00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:46.634
Hey, goal!
(ALL CHEERING)

385
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:47.948
Nicely done.

386
00:16:48.040 --> 00:16:51.271
Evelyn, please text my daughter,
"Good job." Thank you.

387
00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:54.030
GABI: She is online.
You ready?

388
00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:55.792
Yeah, I'm ready.
Oh.

389
00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:58.158
Take that down.

390
00:16:58.240 --> 00:16:59.673
(CHIMES)

391
00:17:02.040 --> 00:17:03.268
Hey, Ma, it's Gabi.

392
00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:05.592
FLO: Can you read me?

393
00:17:06.440 --> 00:17:08.431
GABI: <i>Not a walkie-talkie,
Mom.</i>

394
00:17:09.160 --> 00:17:11.674
I thought this Escape thing is
supposed to let me see people.

395
00:17:11.800 --> 00:17:12.835
I don't see diddly.

396
00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:15.878
<i>It's "Skype, " not "Escape."
Now just press "start video."</i>

397
00:17:15.960 --> 00:17:16.995
FLO: <i>I did.</i>

398
00:17:17.080 --> 00:17:19.355
GABI: Try again.
Click the picture of the video camera.

399
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:20.873
FLO: Well, I don't have
one of them.

400
00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:22.154
GABI: <i>Yes, you do, Mom.</i>

401
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:24.754
FLO: No, I do not have
a damn picture of a video...

402
00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:27.676
<i>Okay, I did.</i>
GABI: Hi.

403
00:17:27.760 --> 00:17:29.716
<i>Oh, you got the crystal.
I sent it early.</i>

404
00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:31.800
<i>Didn't want to risk it being
late for Mother's Day.</i>

405
00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:33.776
(MUTTERING) <i>I know I'd never
hear the end of that.</i>

406
00:17:33.800 --> 00:17:35.074
<i>Oh, I love it.</i>

407
00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:38.198
<i>I'm not so sure about this
color-changing mumbo jumbo.</i>

408
00:17:38.280 --> 00:17:42.193
<i>Oh, and I love that TV
shopping host, Miranda.</i>

409
00:17:42.280 --> 00:17:44.111
<i>Do you know anybody
who knows her?</i>

410
00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:45.997
<i>She's in a hotel in Atlanta.</i>

411
00:17:47.040 --> 00:17:48.632
Uh, no, I don't.

412
00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:51.553
But, um, there's someone
here who knows you.

413
00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:54.760
(MOUTHING) I can't do it.
(SNAPS FINGERS)

414
00:17:54.840 --> 00:17:56.456
(MOUTHING) You don't have to do it.
<i>Where did she go?</i>

415
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:58.072
<i>All I see is bricks.</i>

416
00:17:58.160 --> 00:17:59.718
<i>Hello?</i>
(SNAPS FINGERS)

417
00:17:59.800 --> 00:18:01.631
<i>Hello?
Uh...</i>

418
00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:04.311
<i>Hi, Mom.</i>

419
00:18:05.040 --> 00:18:06.040
Oh.

420
00:18:06.360 --> 00:18:07.509
Do I know you?

421
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:09.878
<i>It's nice to see you, too.</i>

422
00:18:10.040 --> 00:18:12.918
Finally calling to apologize
after all this time.

423
00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:15.077
Nope, just calling to call.

424
00:18:15.160 --> 00:18:18.072
<i>Gabi told me you're not dating
that Indian fellow anymore.</i>

425
00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:19.599
<i>Finally came to your senses.</i>

426
00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:22.632
<i>But I'm not going to rub your face
in it and say, "I told you so,"</i>

427
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:24.472
<i>but I told you so.</i>

428
00:18:24.560 --> 00:18:26.073
Okay. Where's Dad?

429
00:18:26.600 --> 00:18:29.990
He's having lunch.
(CHOMPING)

430
00:18:30.360 --> 00:18:31.713
<i>Hi, Dad!</i>

431
00:18:31.800 --> 00:18:33.791
<i>Oh!</i>
(CHUCKLES)

432
00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:37.429
<i>There's my little girl,
on the TV.</i>

433
00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:40.709
<i>I'm glad to see you
talking with your mama.</i>

434
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:42.871
'Bout time you apologized.

435
00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:44.234
<i>Well, you're
looking good, Dad.</i>

436
00:18:44.360 --> 00:18:45.713
No, he thinks so.

437
00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:49.470
Oh, I have to say, Jess,
you haven't aged that much.

438
00:18:49.560 --> 00:18:50.560
Thank you.

439
00:18:50.600 --> 00:18:52.016
<i>How come you can't
find a successful man</i>

440
00:18:52.040 --> 00:18:53.996
<i>like your sister did,
that Steven fellow?</i>

441
00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:56.640
I mean, believe me,
I love Gabi,

442
00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:58.950
but she looks way too
much like your father

443
00:18:59.040 --> 00:19:01.031
to be the one to
catch a man first.

444
00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:02.755
(SOFTLY) Thanks, Mom.

445
00:19:04.440 --> 00:19:07.637
Well, I called to say hi

446
00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:09.472
<i>and I also called to tell you</i>

447
00:19:09.560 --> 00:19:14.588
that no matter what's happened between us,
you're always my mother.

448
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:20.190
So, I wanted
to tell you about...

449
00:19:22.520 --> 00:19:24.272
<i>What?</i>
(DOOR CLOSES)

450
00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:26.908
Hey, look, it's Mommy
and Aunt Gabi.

451
00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:27.910
I've got to go.
I've got to go.

452
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:29.096
<i>You want to tell me
about what?</i>

453
00:19:29.120 --> 00:19:31.554
Hi, you wanna see her?
JESSE: Hi, guys. Hi.

454
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:33.193
And she's gone.

455
00:19:33.280 --> 00:19:35.589
Well, at least
she called you.

456
00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:37.548
Maybe she got a date.

457
00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:39.551
Hi, sweetie.
Hey, bubs.

458
00:19:39.640 --> 00:19:40.736
RUSSELL: Who were you
talking to?

459
00:19:40.760 --> 00:19:41.760
Snapchatting.

460
00:19:41.800 --> 00:19:43.358
Oh, what are you, 12?

461
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:44.919
No, it's fun.

462
00:19:46.120 --> 00:19:48.634
SANDY: This is so
exciting, you guys!

463
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:53.956
Your first sleepover with
Dad and his new person.

464
00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:55.993
What do you want
us to call her?

465
00:19:56.080 --> 00:19:57.832
Do you want us to
call her "Mom," too?

466
00:19:57.920 --> 00:19:59.478
No, absolutely not.

467
00:19:59.560 --> 00:20:01.790
You just call her
what comes naturally,

468
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:04.115
but I would say
"ma'am" is good.

469
00:20:05.400 --> 00:20:08.119
Hey!

470
00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:09.714
What's up, boys?

471
00:20:09.800 --> 00:20:10.949
Hey, Henry.
Yeah?

472
00:20:11.040 --> 00:20:12.040
Hi, Sandy.

473
00:20:12.120 --> 00:20:13.269
Hi, Tina.

474
00:20:13.360 --> 00:20:14.475
Hi, boys.

475
00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:16.472
Hi.
Wow!

476
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.631
Oh, gosh,
congratulations.

477
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:21.151
Thank you.
Isn't it so exciting?

478
00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:23.032
It's thrilling.

479
00:20:23.120 --> 00:20:25.156
I thought you'd
moved back to LA.

480
00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:26.240
Yeah, just
for a minute.

481
00:20:26.320 --> 00:20:27.548
Ah. People said
I should model.

482
00:20:27.640 --> 00:20:29.312
Yeah.

483
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:31.556
But somebody convinced me
to move back here.

484
00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:32.675
(CHUCKLES)

485
00:20:32.760 --> 00:20:34.398
Boys, I made cookies.

486
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:37.631
For Peter, guitars,
and for Mikey, baseballs.

487
00:20:37.760 --> 00:20:39.512
Thanks.
Oh. Thanks, Tina.

488
00:20:39.600 --> 00:20:40.749
These are great.

489
00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:42.193
Yeah, come on inside.

490
00:20:42.280 --> 00:20:43.793
Okay, bye, guys.

491
00:20:43.880 --> 00:20:45.176
Have fun.
PETER: See you tomorrow.

492
00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:46.713
Bye, Sandy.
Oh, um...

493
00:20:46.840 --> 00:20:48.796
Tweet at me if you want to
check in or anything,

494
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:50.279
or check my Instagram.

495
00:20:50.360 --> 00:20:52.136
I'll post some photos
when I get some cute ones.

496
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:54.310
Yeah, that's exciting.
Okay.

497
00:20:57.440 --> 00:20:59.351
(SOFTLY) "Tweet at me."

498
00:21:02.520 --> 00:21:04.909
She just... Did she just
say, "Tweet at me"? Did she?

499
00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:06.296
I think she just said,
"Tweet me."

500
00:21:06.320 --> 00:21:07.992
I didn't hear that.
Oh, Henry.

501
00:21:08.440 --> 00:21:10.271
Oh, come on.
I knew she was younger, but...

502
00:21:10.360 --> 00:21:11.634
She's almost 30.

503
00:21:11.760 --> 00:21:14.069
(SCOFFS) "She's almost 30"?
In a few years.

504
00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:15.309
My God.

505
00:21:15.400 --> 00:21:17.072
And what is she wearing?

506
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:18.759
Uh...

507
00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:20.592
What do you
want me to do?

508
00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:22.398
Ask her to dress
more dowdy?

509
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:26.519
No, just tell her to dress,
put on a pair of pants.

510
00:21:26.600 --> 00:21:28.795
That's not appropriate
for those kids.

511
00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:30.438
You can see
everything's popping out.

512
00:21:30.520 --> 00:21:32.112
Speaking of the kids.
What?

513
00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:33.269
Mother's Day.

514
00:21:33.360 --> 00:21:35.271
What about Mother's Day?

515
00:21:35.360 --> 00:21:39.273
I was wondering if we could
take the kids for half the day

516
00:21:39.400 --> 00:21:41.436
since Tina is
now technically...

517
00:21:41.520 --> 00:21:42.669
Oh, stop.

518
00:21:42.760 --> 00:21:45.593
No, no, no,
don't even say it, no.

519
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.238
You know what I mean.
No, no, no, no.

520
00:21:47.320 --> 00:21:48.719
You got married
five seconds ago.

521
00:21:48.800 --> 00:21:51.109
Can you just... Can we just
slow this down a little bit?

522
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:52.428
You're angry.
It's all right.

523
00:21:52.520 --> 00:21:54.715
Well, at least consider
it for the boys' sake.

524
00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:56.472
I just did.
Okay.

525
00:21:56.560 --> 00:21:57.560
(STUTTERS) You can...

526
00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:00.837
She can have Flag Day,
Groundhog Day,

527
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:02.911
any of those days,
Father's Day.

528
00:22:03.520 --> 00:22:05.192
Well, I was just asking.

529
00:22:05.280 --> 00:22:06.759
Yeah, I know,
and you did.

530
00:22:06.840 --> 00:22:08.159
Unbelievable.

531
00:22:08.880 --> 00:22:09.880
(DOOR CLOSES)

532
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:19.317
I'm sorry to interrupt
your spa,

533
00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:23.069
but Miranda's agent, Lance Wallace,
wants to see you right away.

534
00:22:24.120 --> 00:22:25.872
Lance, I'm here.
I'm here. Okay, okay.

535
00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:27.837
Miranda okays
the book-signing poster,

536
00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:29.751
and the essay
winners are ready.

537
00:22:29.840 --> 00:22:32.080
All right, now she wants to
know some interior designers.

538
00:22:32.120 --> 00:22:33.599
She hates the look
of the show.

539
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:36.558
Well, we've gotten a few
requests from some designers.

540
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:37.800
But this one
I liked the best.

541
00:22:37.840 --> 00:22:40.149
Her name is Sandy Newhouse.
All right, why?

542
00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:41.514
She lives in Atlanta.

543
00:22:41.600 --> 00:22:44.068
She's designed living rooms,
upscale restaurants,

544
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.280
and a five-star hotel lobby.

545
00:22:45.360 --> 00:22:47.316
All right, well,
she looks smiley and happy.

546
00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:49.280
Make sure she meets Miranda
before we check out.

547
00:22:49.360 --> 00:22:51.032
Okay, and make-up...
Goal!

548
00:22:51.120 --> 00:22:52.792
Hey, hey, hey!
(WHISTLES)

549
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:54.359
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey!

550
00:22:54.560 --> 00:22:55.959
Hey there, Messi!

551
00:22:56.040 --> 00:22:57.837
This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby!

552
00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:58.920
No, no, no.
A lobby.

553
00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:01.520
These are the kids of the
big shot HSN executive.

554
00:23:01.600 --> 00:23:03.272
We're entertaining
them this week.

555
00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:05.312
Hey, mister,
can I have my ball back?

556
00:23:05.600 --> 00:23:08.558
There we go.
All right! Soccer rules!

557
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:09.816
LANCE: (CHUCKLES)
Soccer rules!

558
00:23:09.840 --> 00:23:11.536
Are they gonna be with us all week,
those kids?

559
00:23:11.560 --> 00:23:12.913
Yes, they are.

560
00:23:13.160 --> 00:23:14.160
(MUSIC PLAYING)

561
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:19.516
(SINGING)
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

562
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:24.038
<i>'Cause he's as
fine as he can be</i>

563
00:23:24.120 --> 00:23:25.712
(WHISPERING)
<i>Not him, it's you.</i>

564
00:23:25.840 --> 00:23:27.239
RACHEL: Dad, dinner's ready.

565
00:23:27.320 --> 00:23:30.437
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

566
00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:34.197
<i>For everything
he does for me</i>

567
00:23:34.280 --> 00:23:37.556
(LAUGHS) <i>I'm doin' it,
doin' it, doin' it</i>

568
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:38.914
<i>Doin' it, doin' it, yeah</i>

569
00:23:39.000 --> 00:23:41.070
<i>Doin' it, doin' it...</i>

570
00:23:41.160 --> 00:23:42.513
Mom loved karaoke.

571
00:23:42.680 --> 00:23:44.272
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS ON TV)

572
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:45.675
Remember?

573
00:23:45.760 --> 00:23:47.796
Oh, yes, I certainly do.
(PAUSES VIDEO)

574
00:23:48.120 --> 00:23:50.270
RACHEL: Come on,
let's eat, Dad. Come on.

575
00:23:50.360 --> 00:23:51.588
Let's go.

576
00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:52.829
Come on!

577
00:23:52.920 --> 00:23:54.831
Okay. Okay.
What are you doing?

578
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:02.636
<i>This karaoke video is
just for you, Bradley.</i>

579
00:24:03.560 --> 00:24:06.836
<i>And to my chubbos back home,
Rachel and Vicky.</i>

580
00:24:07.520 --> 00:24:09.397
<i>I love you so much.</i>

581
00:24:09.760 --> 00:24:12.593
<i>I'll be home before you know it.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

582
00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:16.673
<i>Love you.</i>

583
00:24:16.760 --> 00:24:18.079
<i>Love you guys.</i>

584
00:24:18.840 --> 00:24:21.718
Yeah, could you go to the
supermarket for me, please?

585
00:24:22.600 --> 00:24:25.160
Yeah, yeah, of course.

586
00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:27.913
I can, uh...
Yeah, what, uh...

587
00:24:29.560 --> 00:24:30.788
What do we need?

588
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:32.950
Uh, we need juice, eggs...
Uh-huh.

589
00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:34.393
Eggs.

590
00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:36.870
Bread, of course.
Yup.

591
00:24:37.040 --> 00:24:40.157
Um, we need bananas and tampons.
Mmm-hmm.

592
00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:41.355
Yeah.

593
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:44.598
Uh... Um...

594
00:24:45.080 --> 00:24:46.308
What was that?

595
00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:47.400
Tampons.

596
00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:49.710
Maybe that's something
that can wait, you think?

597
00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:52.030
Uh... No.

598
00:24:52.120 --> 00:24:53.314
I'm just going
to write "T."

599
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:54.469
I'll know what
that means.

600
00:24:54.560 --> 00:24:55.560
Okay, good.
Mmm-hmm.

601
00:24:55.600 --> 00:24:57.079
Okay, there you go.

602
00:24:57.600 --> 00:24:59.318
Oh, I miss you guys so much.

603
00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:01.709
PETER: <i>Mom, we just saw you,
like, two hours ago.</i>

604
00:25:01.800 --> 00:25:03.711
I know, I know,
but I love you,

605
00:25:03.800 --> 00:25:05.916
and I miss you
when you're not here.

606
00:25:06.800 --> 00:25:10.236
So... Hey, are you guys sure you
want to stay at Daddy's tonight

607
00:25:10.360 --> 00:25:12.351
because I could...
Bye, Mom.

608
00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:13.714
Okay, bye.

609
00:25:14.800 --> 00:25:16.597
Me, too, I'm in.

610
00:25:16.680 --> 00:25:20.832
All in.
ALL: One, two, three!

611
00:25:20.920 --> 00:25:22.319
Oh, my gosh.
(GROANS)

612
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:24.356
Oh, I won again.
No way.

613
00:25:27.360 --> 00:25:28.360
(SIGHS)

614
00:25:33.800 --> 00:25:37.190
<i>So, Mother's Day is coming and I
will be spending it with my mother.</i>

615
00:25:37.280 --> 00:25:39.714
<i>I brought her out
with my most recent boyfriend</i>

616
00:25:39.800 --> 00:25:41.119
<i>and he leaves
for the bathroom,</i>

617
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:43.031
<i>not even out of earshot,
and she's like,</i>

618
00:25:43.120 --> 00:25:44.256
<i>"Well, he's
all right, I guess,</i>

619
00:25:44.280 --> 00:25:46.096
<i>"but is that the nose you want
to see on your little girl?"</i>

620
00:25:46.120 --> 00:25:47.951
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(BELL RINGS)

621
00:25:48.040 --> 00:25:49.189
<i>That's my time.</i>

622
00:25:49.280 --> 00:25:51.350
<i>Thank you so much, everyone.</i>

623
00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:53.874
JACKIE: <i>That was
Genevieve Joy.</i>

624
00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:56.235
<i>Once again,
ladies and gentlemen,</i>

625
00:25:56.320 --> 00:25:58.390
<i>welcome to the
Buckhead Comedy Contest</i>

626
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:01.392
<i>with your host,
former used car legend</i>

627
00:26:01.520 --> 00:26:05.752
<i>and now comedy club owner,
Mr. Wally Burn.</i> (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

628
00:26:05.840 --> 00:26:07.558
<i>Thank you, thank you.</i>

629
00:26:07.640 --> 00:26:09.392
<i>All right, this next guy
coming out,</i>

630
00:26:09.480 --> 00:26:12.040
<i>he's a guy from
the island across the pond</i>

631
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:16.711
<i>that gave us colonialism, Hugh Grant
and the plague.</i> (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

632
00:26:16.800 --> 00:26:20.156
<i>Please put your hands
together for Zack Zim.</i>

633
00:26:20.320 --> 00:26:23.869
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
<i>Zack Zim, have fun!</i>

634
00:26:27.320 --> 00:26:31.154
<i>Good evening, hey, I'm Zack,
originally from Britain,</i>

635
00:26:31.240 --> 00:26:34.596
<i>now living out here in Atlanta, Georgia,
with my girlfriend,</i>

636
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:37.473
<i>my girlfriend who recently had a baby.</i>
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

637
00:26:37.560 --> 00:26:39.551
<i>No, uh, don't applaud.</i>

638
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:41.517
<i>Um, it's not mine.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

639
00:26:41.640 --> 00:26:43.915
(MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
<i>No, she is, I hope.</i>

640
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:47.668
<i>She's amazing.
My girlfriend is American,</i>

641
00:26:47.760 --> 00:26:51.036
<i>but she is desperate for our
child to have a British accent.</i>

642
00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.913
<i>That's all she wants.
She won't talk to our child, seriously.</i>

643
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:55.638
<i>I have to read to
Katie every night.</i>

644
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:57.551
<i>All the other kids
are watching</i> Sesame Street.

645
00:26:57.640 --> 00:26:59.995
<i>Our baby is sat down
in front of</i> Downton Abbey.

646
00:27:00.080 --> 00:27:01.080
(ALL LAUGHING)

647
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:03.919
<i>You notice I say
"girlfriend," five years,</i>

648
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:07.197
<i>we're still not married,
and, boy, have I asked.</i> (CHUCKLES)

649
00:27:07.280 --> 00:27:09.271
<i>It was a struggle enough
to get her to update</i>

650
00:27:09.360 --> 00:27:11.032
<i>her Facebook
profile from "single."</i>

651
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:13.839
<i>I was like, "Five years,
we have a child together.</i>

652
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:16.673
<i>"Couldn't you at least make it,
'it's complicated'?"</i>

653
00:27:16.760 --> 00:27:18.159
<i>And it makes
it awkward, though,</i>

654
00:27:18.280 --> 00:27:20.111
<i>like, how do you
introduce each other?</i>

655
00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:21.593
<i>When I introduce Kristin,</i>

656
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:23.830
<i>I introduce her as
the light of my life,</i>

657
00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:27.430
<i>the song of my soul, the mother
of my child.</i> AUDIENCE: Aw...

658
00:27:27.520 --> 00:27:29.670
<i>And she introduces
me as her roommate.</i>

659
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:31.239
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

660
00:27:32.600 --> 00:27:36.275
<i>And a great big happy almost
Mother's Day to you terrific...</i>

661
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:38.000
(CLICKS TONGUE)

662
00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:39.235
Hey.

663
00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:44.076
Can we, um, just go back to the
not married thing for a sec?

664
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:46.879
Oh, Come on,
please, I am so tired.

665
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:48.154
I am so tired.

666
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:52.358
I love you, Kristin,
and I do want to marry you.

667
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:55.950
But I think I don't feel like
getting turned down anymore.

668
00:28:02.520 --> 00:28:06.274
There's something you're not telling me,
but you can.

669
00:28:06.840 --> 00:28:10.435
Whatever it is, we'll get through it,
if we're committed.

670
00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:12.673
I don't know.

671
00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:14.953
Zack, I just...

672
00:28:16.440 --> 00:28:18.635
(STUTTERS)
I don't know. Um...

673
00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:22.396
I don't know either.
(EXHALES)

674
00:28:23.560 --> 00:28:26.950
So, do you
want to take a break?

675
00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:31.032
What? No, never.

676
00:28:31.120 --> 00:28:34.795
I just... I need
a little bit more time.

677
00:28:36.040 --> 00:28:37.632
I won't wait forever.

678
00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:45.752
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

679
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:51.160
(GIBBERISH)

680
00:28:51.320 --> 00:28:52.799
I know,
I'll take it.

681
00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:55.711
I'll take it.
Can I have a kiss, too?

682
00:28:55.800 --> 00:28:56.949
Mama wants a kiss.

683
00:28:57.520 --> 00:28:58.839
Oh, thank you.
Mama kiss.

684
00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:01.551
BABY: Mama kiss.
JESSE: Mama kiss.

685
00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:02.675
Sandy?

686
00:29:02.800 --> 00:29:04.153
Hi.
Hi.

687
00:29:04.360 --> 00:29:05.509
Hey!

688
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:07.511
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi, hello.

689
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:09.398
This is my friend Kristin.

690
00:29:09.480 --> 00:29:10.595
Hey, Kristin.

691
00:29:10.680 --> 00:29:11.696
That's her
little one, Katie.

692
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:13.256
JESSE: Kristin and I met
at Mommy and Me.

693
00:29:13.280 --> 00:29:14.280
SANDY: Oh, sweet.

694
00:29:14.360 --> 00:29:15.360
JESSE: So, how'd it go?

695
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:17.636
I got the interview.
Great.

696
00:29:17.720 --> 00:29:19.616
I don't know what's going to happen,
but, you know,

697
00:29:19.640 --> 00:29:21.456
at least I... I'm just
hoping to have something

698
00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:23.118
to keep my mind
off of all of the...

699
00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:24.593
JESSE: Yeah.
SANDY: You know.

700
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:27.513
So, Sandy's ex-husband
just got remarried...

701
00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:29.113
Oh...
...to, like, a 12-year-old.

702
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:30.428
Oh!
Yeah. So...

703
00:29:30.520 --> 00:29:31.520
(ALL CHUCKLING)

704
00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:33.656
Well, I was actually going to say
carpooling and bagging lunches,

705
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:35.591
but, you know, or that.
JESSE: Okay, I'm sorry!

706
00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:37.176
I'd like to get my
mind off of that. (CHUCKLES)

707
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:38.315
I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS)

708
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:39.440
I'm sorry!
No, it was just,

709
00:29:39.520 --> 00:29:40.839
we were on the topic
of marriage

710
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:44.714
and she's got cold feet, which is...
Oh...

711
00:29:44.840 --> 00:29:46.592
I get that.
I get that.

712
00:29:46.760 --> 00:29:48.376
So, that's what's happening here.
(BABY MUMBLING)

713
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:49.628
Yeah.
Hi!

714
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:51.640
JESSE: Yeah, we get it.
SANDY: But you know what?

715
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:54.314
You don't know until you give
it a shot is the truth, right?

716
00:29:54.400 --> 00:29:55.400
Yeah.

717
00:29:55.560 --> 00:30:00.793
Really? Were you, like, sure?
Uh-uh.

718
00:30:00.880 --> 00:30:02.359
Are you ever sure?

719
00:30:02.440 --> 00:30:03.475
JESSE: I was sure.

720
00:30:03.560 --> 00:30:05.278
You were sure?
You were totally sure?

721
00:30:05.360 --> 00:30:07.828
100%, going Indian
all the way.

722
00:30:09.480 --> 00:30:12.392
Huh. I mean, I was 100%
certain I wanted kids.

723
00:30:12.520 --> 00:30:14.272
Yeah, well,
that, of course.

724
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.790
I mean, I can't imagine...
Just the other stuff I don't know about.

725
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:19.148
Well, that's you guys.

726
00:30:19.240 --> 00:30:21.834
I'm not the best person
to be giving marital advice.

727
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:23.876
KRISTIN: (LAUGHS) No, no,
I do need to hear

728
00:30:23.960 --> 00:30:26.110
because it's the divorce
thing that scares me,

729
00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:29.510
because I don't know what that
would be like for her and...

730
00:30:29.760 --> 00:30:32.593
You don't go into a marriage thinking
you're going to get a divorce.

731
00:30:33.160 --> 00:30:34.878
(CHUCKLES) Obviously.
SANDY: Nobody does.

732
00:30:35.120 --> 00:30:37.236
You know,
life happens and if it does,

733
00:30:37.360 --> 00:30:39.999
then you've got a lot
more closet space...

734
00:30:40.080 --> 00:30:41.080
Yeah.

735
00:30:41.120 --> 00:30:44.078
Extra sink, no snoring,
you know, a lot of positives.

736
00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:45.200
(LAUGHS) Yeah.

737
00:30:45.320 --> 00:30:47.595
You're really just doing what's
best for the kids, right?

738
00:30:47.720 --> 00:30:49.551
And yourself, but the kids.

739
00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:52.030
By the way, your child is
eating sand, if you...

740
00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:53.679
JESSE: Tanner, don't eat that.

741
00:30:53.760 --> 00:30:54.875
There's cat poop in it.

742
00:30:54.960 --> 00:30:56.029
(SHUDDERS)

743
00:30:56.120 --> 00:30:57.120
That's so gross.

744
00:30:57.160 --> 00:30:58.840
What if there is cat poop...
No, he's fine.

745
00:30:58.960 --> 00:30:59.960
They survive...

746
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:01.976
Cat poop... and then they
grow up to be just like us.

747
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:04.673
SANDY: Yeah, and they have
a very healthy immune system.

748
00:31:04.840 --> 00:31:06.576
Anyway, I'm going to go to the kids' show.
JESSE: Okay.

749
00:31:06.600 --> 00:31:08.416
Hey, if you're going to come,
will you just text me?

750
00:31:08.440 --> 00:31:09.656
KRISTIN: It was
nice meeting you.

751
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:10.816
Nice to meet you.
And I'll save you a seat?

752
00:31:10.840 --> 00:31:11.875
JESSE: Yes.

753
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:13.188
Okay, or tweet at me.

754
00:31:13.280 --> 00:31:14.713
Yeah, I'll text...
I'll tweet...

755
00:31:14.800 --> 00:31:16.392
What? Tweet you?

756
00:31:16.600 --> 00:31:18.456
Yeah, see, right? That didn't sound right.
JESSE: Mmm-mmm.

757
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:20.152
What is that?
I was just trying it out.

758
00:31:20.280 --> 00:31:21.395
Okay, bye.

759
00:31:24.120 --> 00:31:25.599
Kristin, what's wrong?

760
00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:28.274
What happened?

761
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:29.960
(SHUSHING)

762
00:31:32.920 --> 00:31:33.920
Are you okay?

763
00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:37.316
I love Zack, but there's a
reason I'm afraid of marriage.

764
00:31:37.800 --> 00:31:38.800
Um...

765
00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:46.834
The truth is I have no
idea who the hell I am.

766
00:31:48.840 --> 00:31:51.400
That's a big one.

767
00:31:52.840 --> 00:31:54.353
I was adopted.

768
00:31:54.440 --> 00:31:55.509
Oh, okay.

769
00:31:55.920 --> 00:31:58.992
And I never met my
biological mother.

770
00:31:59.080 --> 00:32:00.513
You never
told me that.

771
00:32:00.600 --> 00:32:03.797
Never told anyone
that, only Zack.

772
00:32:05.760 --> 00:32:10.276
And I've always wondered,
did she just throw me away?

773
00:32:10.600 --> 00:32:14.354
Or, you know, was there a
reason she got rid of me?

774
00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:17.670
Aw.
I have abandonment issues.

775
00:32:17.800 --> 00:32:22.590
Honey, I'm sure you have
a million questions,

776
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:25.116
but then you know
what you have to do.

777
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:26.519
You have to
find your mother.

778
00:32:26.600 --> 00:32:28.352
I already did.

779
00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:30.438
Then I'm missing
the point.

780
00:32:30.520 --> 00:32:32.511
I've no...
What do you mean?

781
00:32:32.600 --> 00:32:34.795
(CHUCKLES) I mean,
I have her address,

782
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:38.350
I just haven't had
the courage to contact her.

783
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:39.959
I'm really scared.

784
00:32:40.040 --> 00:32:41.871
God, of course. That's...

785
00:32:43.360 --> 00:32:45.396
Who wouldn't be?
I mean, that's crazy.

786
00:32:45.480 --> 00:32:47.869
You don't even know what
she's going to be like.

787
00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:49.639
You don't even
know your mother

788
00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:51.392
and she has this
power over you.

789
00:32:51.600 --> 00:32:54.239
You're going to have to
face it sooner or later.

790
00:32:54.320 --> 00:32:55.548
You can do it.
(SIGHS) Really?

791
00:32:55.640 --> 00:32:56.856
Yes, you should just do it.
Yeah.

792
00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:58.836
You're right, you're right,
you're right.

793
00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:00.911
Okay.
Yeah, and get it over with.

794
00:33:01.040 --> 00:33:04.396
You're, you know...
I mean, now you'll face it.

795
00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:07.376
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
You're right, you're right, you're right.

796
00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:09.470
I'm going to do it. I got it.

797
00:33:09.560 --> 00:33:10.913
You will have it.

798
00:33:11.000 --> 00:33:12.194
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Jess.

799
00:33:12.280 --> 00:33:13.395
<i>Hi, I'm Bobby Lee,</i>

800
00:33:13.480 --> 00:33:16.950
<i>principal here at Millard
Fillmore Middle School.</i>

801
00:33:17.040 --> 00:33:18.758
<i>And we're really
excited about this show.</i>

802
00:33:18.840 --> 00:33:19.896
<i>We're gonna start
in a few minutes.</i>

803
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:21.656
<i>The kids are very excited and later,
we're going to be...</i>

804
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:22.829
Sandy, hi.

805
00:33:22.920 --> 00:33:25.480
<i>...featuring the Fillmore band in concert.
How about that?</i>

806
00:33:25.560 --> 00:33:26.595
What are you doing here?

807
00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:29.148
I didn't think
you'd mind. Here.

808
00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:30.559
I kind of mind.

809
00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:31.908
I had to hear Peter's riff.

810
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:33.376
We were up late last
night working on it.

811
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:34.960
SANDY: You were
working on Peter's riff?

812
00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:36.896
TINA: Yeah, I was in an
all-girl band in high school.

813
00:33:36.920 --> 00:33:38.956
My gosh,
Peter's gotten so good.

814
00:33:39.040 --> 00:33:40.696
You know, we just want
to encourage his music,

815
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:43.576
so we're taking the boys to the Foo
Fighters concert this weekend. But...

816
00:33:43.600 --> 00:33:44.920
What? Don't say
anything to Peter.

817
00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:46.359
It's a surprise.

818
00:33:46.440 --> 00:33:49.591
And don't even get me
started on Dave Grohl.

819
00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:50.755
Don't tell Henry.

820
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:54.589
Okay, Tina, Tina, Tina,
Tina, that's it.

821
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:56.358
I'm done. I'm done
with surprises.

822
00:33:56.440 --> 00:34:00.194
I really am. This week,
enough surprises, seriously.

823
00:34:00.360 --> 00:34:01.839
Okay, is something wrong?

824
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:03.399
Yes, something is wrong.

825
00:34:03.520 --> 00:34:06.717
I got here an hour early,
so I could get a front row seat,

826
00:34:06.800 --> 00:34:10.395
and have a perfect camera
angle and watch my children.

827
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:12.311
And now you're sitting
right here next to me.

828
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:13.879
Because the seat was open.

829
00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:18.158
It was for my purse, my purse's seat, okay?
My purse's seat is right here.

830
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:23.549
God, you cannot just show up
here late and then sit there.

831
00:34:23.640 --> 00:34:25.631
You just can't
do that. We need...

832
00:34:25.720 --> 00:34:27.073
We need boundaries.

833
00:34:27.160 --> 00:34:28.434
We need some rules, Tina.

834
00:34:28.640 --> 00:34:29.640
Rules?

835
00:34:29.720 --> 00:34:31.756
Like, sitting in
an open seat?

836
00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:33.916
I don't know what
the rules are yet, Tina.

837
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:35.976
I don't know what they are,
but I just know we have them,

838
00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:37.718
and you're breaking all of them.
Okay.

839
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:39.296
I've just gotta get...
ANNOUNCER: <i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

840
00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:41.197
(SHUSHING)
<i>Animals on Parade!</i>

841
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:46.673
(SINGING) <i>Old MacDonald had a farm
Ee I ee I oh</i>

842
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:50.557
<i>And on his farm
he had a penguin...</i>

843
00:34:50.640 --> 00:34:52.631
<i>What, why?</i>

844
00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:55.434
<i>He also had a helper,
it seems.</i>

845
00:34:55.600 --> 00:34:57.352
Oh, there's Mikey.
Hi, honey.

846
00:34:57.800 --> 00:34:59.199
<i>A lion! He's got a...</i>

847
00:35:00.680 --> 00:35:03.433
Oh, my God,
the costume's on backwards.

848
00:35:03.520 --> 00:35:04.953
<i>He had a lion...</i>

849
00:35:05.120 --> 00:35:06.394
(ALL LAUGHING)

850
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:09.034
Did you do that?

851
00:35:10.040 --> 00:35:11.040
Peter.

852
00:35:11.680 --> 00:35:12.880
Don't touch it,
don't touch it.

853
00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:13.960
(GASPS)

854
00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:15.559
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)

855
00:35:17.040 --> 00:35:19.349
<i>Ee I ee I oh</i>

856
00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:21.509
Yeah, that's good.

857
00:35:21.640 --> 00:35:23.676
The producers have asked
to push the crystals.

858
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:25.193
Traffic has slowed down.

859
00:35:26.080 --> 00:35:29.789
Five, four, three, two...

860
00:35:31.320 --> 00:35:32.912
Welcome back, everyone.

861
00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:34.797
All right, dads and husbands,

862
00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.236
take a look at these
beautiful mood pendants.

863
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:41.756
Mother's Day, just a few days away,
this is your chance.

864
00:35:43.040 --> 00:35:44.678
MAN: And we're clear.

865
00:35:54.840 --> 00:35:57.638
<i>We need a price check
on organic cotton...</i>

866
00:35:58.400 --> 00:35:59.674
No, that's not necessary.

867
00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:01.552
They are...
They're 9 bucks.

868
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:03.113
They're 9 bucks each.

869
00:36:03.200 --> 00:36:06.590
<i>Cancel that price check on tampons,
the organic cotton ones.</i>

870
00:36:08.680 --> 00:36:09.680
Daughter?

871
00:36:11.560 --> 00:36:13.516
Oh, uh, yeah.

872
00:36:14.160 --> 00:36:18.517
Two actually, but only one is currently,
you know, becoming a woman.

873
00:36:19.480 --> 00:36:20.480
Got you.

874
00:36:22.080 --> 00:36:24.469
Yeah, their mom
used to do this, but...

875
00:36:26.440 --> 00:36:27.634
Well, I do it now.

876
00:36:28.120 --> 00:36:29.838
Same boat, two sons.

877
00:36:31.880 --> 00:36:33.598
How is that the same boat?

878
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:38.031
(STAMMERING)
I guess just the number.

879
00:36:40.120 --> 00:36:43.396
Sorry, I don't usually eavesdrop
on other people's carts.

880
00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:46.995
It's just... I'm Sandy,
I have two sons.

881
00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:48.869
I already said that.

882
00:36:49.640 --> 00:36:50.640
Yes, you did.

883
00:36:50.720 --> 00:36:52.756
I can take you over here.
Oh, thank you.

884
00:36:55.120 --> 00:36:58.635
Sandy, two sons, same boat.

885
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:00.109
Oh, thank you.

886
00:37:00.200 --> 00:37:01.758
All right, well, bye.

887
00:37:01.960 --> 00:37:05.032
Yeah, it was nice meeting you,
Sandy with two sons.

888
00:37:05.160 --> 00:37:06.639
It was two, right?

889
00:37:07.240 --> 00:37:08.309
Yeah.

890
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:12.989
(PHONE RINGING)

891
00:37:13.640 --> 00:37:15.198
Hey, Henry, what's up?

892
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:18.394
Hey, are the boys'
passports up to date?

893
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:22.790
Their passports?

894
00:37:23.080 --> 00:37:25.355
I am planning our
summer vacation.

895
00:37:25.600 --> 00:37:26.635
Um...

896
00:37:27.520 --> 00:37:32.833
Okay, where are you
planning this vacation?

897
00:37:33.160 --> 00:37:35.958
We're going to Paris.
Tina's never been.

898
00:37:36.600 --> 00:37:38.556
Paris, uh, France?

899
00:37:39.160 --> 00:37:40.160
Uh-huh.

900
00:37:40.400 --> 00:37:41.833
SANDY: <i>Are you kidding me?</i>

901
00:37:42.360 --> 00:37:44.635
No, I'm not. Why?

902
00:37:44.720 --> 00:37:46.073
I got to go.

903
00:37:46.200 --> 00:37:47.200
(STAMMERS)

904
00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:48.515
Bye.

905
00:37:50.280 --> 00:37:51.349
Hello?

906
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:53.515
Hello?

907
00:37:55.680 --> 00:37:57.671
So, how'd she take it?

908
00:37:59.040 --> 00:38:00.439
Like a champ.

909
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:05.758
Oh, you've got to
be kidding me!

910
00:38:06.520 --> 00:38:08.511
(SOBS) Paris?

911
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:11.351
Paris, Paris, Paris!

912
00:38:11.640 --> 00:38:12.640
That's...

913
00:38:13.040 --> 00:38:17.238
We could not get our shit together
for 13 years to get to Paris.

914
00:38:17.960 --> 00:38:18.960
(SANDY YELLS)

915
00:38:19.120 --> 00:38:21.111
Now he's taking Tina. Tina.

916
00:38:21.200 --> 00:38:22.872
Now he's taking Tina.

917
00:38:23.360 --> 00:38:27.114
It's the only place I've wanted to go
since I was a kid and I read Madeline!

918
00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:29.834
I don't even think she knows
who the hell Madeline is!

919
00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:34.034
Oh, my God,
this is not happening!

920
00:38:34.120 --> 00:38:35.997
This is not
happening! (GRUNTS)

921
00:38:37.720 --> 00:38:41.235
Oh, man, you know, you couldn't
have taken her to London

922
00:38:41.320 --> 00:38:44.392
or to fuckin'
Disneyland maybe?

923
00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:46.994
I don't know,
how about take her to the prom?

924
00:38:47.080 --> 00:38:49.594
That's somewhere I bet
she hasn't been yet.

925
00:38:50.120 --> 00:38:51.120
Jesus...

926
00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:55.709
Freaking Tina! (GRUNTING)

927
00:38:56.520 --> 00:38:57.520
(SOBS)

928
00:38:58.920 --> 00:39:00.239
I'd hate to see
her in traffic.

929
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:01.594
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

930
00:39:06.600 --> 00:39:07.828
BRADLEY: That's it.

931
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:09.239
That's it, go!

932
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:10.440
Over here!

933
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:12.355
BRADLEY: Cross it!

934
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:15.591
That's it. Rachel's open.

935
00:39:15.680 --> 00:39:17.477
There you go. That's it.

936
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:19.035
Yeah, move it!

937
00:39:19.120 --> 00:39:20.120
Hurry!

938
00:39:23.200 --> 00:39:24.599
Goal!

939
00:39:24.720 --> 00:39:26.199
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(GIRLS CHEERING)

940
00:39:29.240 --> 00:39:31.549
Did not cross
the line! No goal!

941
00:39:31.680 --> 00:39:34.513
What? What?
What are you talking about?

942
00:39:34.640 --> 00:39:35.840
Go back to your coaching area!

943
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:37.976
No, no, no, no,
not until you reverse that call, man.

944
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:39.035
I'm warning you.

945
00:39:39.120 --> 00:39:41.076
Hey, you're warning me what?
Look at the crowd.

946
00:39:41.520 --> 00:39:43.192
Easy, mister.
I've got this, Lisa.

947
00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:44.416
What? There's not
many of them.

948
00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:45.475
No, no, look at them.

949
00:39:46.120 --> 00:39:47.633
Okay, you've got,
like, five dozen

950
00:39:47.720 --> 00:39:49.216
different recorded
versions of that play

951
00:39:49.240 --> 00:39:50.753
you completely
missed right there.

952
00:39:50.840 --> 00:39:52.160
Why don't you
just walk over there

953
00:39:52.240 --> 00:39:53.496
and ask one of them
to replay it for you,

954
00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:54.936
then you'll see you're wrong,
we'll win the game

955
00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:57.120
and then you can stumble home
with your seeing-eye dog.

956
00:39:57.200 --> 00:39:58.599
That's it. (BLOWS WHISTLE)

957
00:39:59.000 --> 00:40:00.069
Yellow card!

958
00:40:00.160 --> 00:40:01.195
(GIRLS SIGH)

959
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:02.679
Yellow card?
Are you...

960
00:40:03.680 --> 00:40:05.033
Oh, he blew
another man's whistle.

961
00:40:05.160 --> 00:40:06.616
Did you just blow my whistle?
You're damn right.

962
00:40:06.640 --> 00:40:07.976
You do not blow
another man's whistle.

963
00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:10.070
You do when he
blows the game for you!

964
00:40:10.160 --> 00:40:12.799
All right,
that's it, red card!

965
00:40:13.200 --> 00:40:14.200
You're gone.

966
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:15.958
I'm gone? Okay,
good to know.

967
00:40:16.040 --> 00:40:17.678
Okay, you know what?
I'm gone.

968
00:40:18.200 --> 00:40:20.156
Now your ball's gone.
That's what's gone, okay?

969
00:40:20.280 --> 00:40:21.315
Hey, Kimberly!

970
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.909
Oh, I've got to go!

971
00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:25.070
You take over, okay?
JODI: Yeah, you better go.

972
00:40:25.160 --> 00:40:26.776
Yeah, thank you.
If anybody's looking for me,

973
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:29.189
I'll be out in the parking lot
calling LensCrafters,

974
00:40:29.320 --> 00:40:30.833
making that guy
an appointment!

975
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:33.160
Baby, you better go.
You're going to get hurt.

976
00:40:33.800 --> 00:40:35.233
Spare ball, please.

977
00:40:35.360 --> 00:40:36.509
Knucklehead!

978
00:40:43.680 --> 00:40:46.194
All right, you're gone.

979
00:40:47.680 --> 00:40:51.036
You... A pox
upon your whistle.

980
00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:54.000
(WHISTLES)

981
00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:55.475
Play ball!

982
00:40:56.040 --> 00:40:57.075
Next.

983
00:40:57.600 --> 00:41:00.672
Yeah, hi.
Could we get a large pizza?

984
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:02.637
What kind you want?
Cheese.

985
00:41:03.320 --> 00:41:05.550
Large cheese pizza
and three sodas to go.

986
00:41:05.680 --> 00:41:07.033
Wait over there, please.

987
00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:11.193
Where'd you hear that "pox on my whistle"?
What's that from?

988
00:41:11.360 --> 00:41:13.271
Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, huh?

989
00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:14.594
William Shakespeare?

990
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:16.073
No, Bob Shakespeare.

991
00:41:16.240 --> 00:41:17.275
Who else would it...

992
00:41:17.400 --> 00:41:18.879
Why are you talking
to me like this?

993
00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:21.074
You, too, now?

994
00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:22.856
WOMAN 1: I can't
believe we lost.

995
00:41:22.880 --> 00:41:24.056
WOMAN 2: I think
that ball was deflated.

996
00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:25.115
WOMAN 1: Totally.

997
00:41:25.200 --> 00:41:26.474
Tom Brady is hot.

998
00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:31.669
Hey, want to go
get some ice cream?

999
00:41:31.800 --> 00:41:33.153
As a makeup present?

1000
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:34.395
Make up for what?

1001
00:41:34.560 --> 00:41:36.471
Acting like Mopey Dick
half the time.

1002
00:41:36.560 --> 00:41:37.913
I'm sorry, Mopey Dick?

1003
00:41:38.520 --> 00:41:41.478
Yeah, being sad
all the time,

1004
00:41:41.600 --> 00:41:45.559
obsessing over soccer
so you can get closer to Mom,

1005
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:49.438
watching those
videos over and over.

1006
00:41:51.400 --> 00:41:55.313
She's gone, Dad, and we're all sad,
but for how long?

1007
00:41:55.440 --> 00:41:57.776
And acting like an asshole with
that ref doesn't help anyone.

1008
00:41:57.800 --> 00:41:58.835
Hey, watch your language.

1009
00:41:58.920 --> 00:42:00.239
You know what?
Yeah, I cuss.

1010
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:02.276
That's because I'm
an unsupervised teen

1011
00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:04.256
and while I'm at it,
I don't mind taking care of Vicky

1012
00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:06.077
and doing all the housework
and the cooking.

1013
00:42:06.160 --> 00:42:08.390
Dad, I'm only 16,
I have a life.

1014
00:42:08.560 --> 00:42:09.879
I know, okay?

1015
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:13.797
Tommy's here.
I've got to go.

1016
00:42:14.600 --> 00:42:16.636
Wait, where are you going?
Just stop.

1017
00:42:17.560 --> 00:42:19.391
Is this the boy
that likes you?

1018
00:42:19.480 --> 00:42:21.391
Hey, Rachel,
what are you doing?

1019
00:42:22.240 --> 00:42:23.434
Go, come on.

1020
00:42:23.560 --> 00:42:24.960
BRADLEY: Rachel,
get out of the car.

1021
00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:26.875
Get out.

1022
00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:28.996
You're going to roll
up the window on me.

1023
00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:32.510
Hey, wait until it stops
and then get out of the car.

1024
00:42:33.120 --> 00:42:34.633
Unbelievable.

1025
00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:37.114
(LAUGHTER)

1026
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:39.910
<i>But my friend comes
to me and she goes,</i>

1027
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.073
<i>"Oh, my God, Mia,
I have met the perfect guy for you."</i>

1028
00:42:44.160 --> 00:42:48.358
<i>She shows me his picture,
and this dude was at least 75, okay?</i>

1029
00:42:50.160 --> 00:42:51.309
<i>And I am not.</i>

1030
00:42:53.000 --> 00:42:55.992
<i>And I said, "Um, his eyes
have cataracts,</i>

1031
00:42:57.520 --> 00:42:59.556
<i>"mine have hope, okay?"</i>

1032
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:01.273
(ALL LAUGHING)

1033
00:43:04.200 --> 00:43:05.633
She is killing 'em.

1034
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:09.072
She's also
killing the boss.

1035
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:38.319
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?

1036
00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:40.118
Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine.

1037
00:43:40.200 --> 00:43:42.616
Do you know where the pool is?
I'm looking for Miranda Collins.

1038
00:43:42.640 --> 00:43:43.696
Yeah, it's right
through that door.

1039
00:43:43.720 --> 00:43:45.720
But, can I help you with the rip?
SANDY: No, I'm...

1040
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:47.336
Sorry, watch out behind you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry!

1041
00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:49.191
Thank you. You sure I
can't help with the rip?

1042
00:43:49.320 --> 00:43:50.548
I got a safety pin.

1043
00:43:50.680 --> 00:43:52.830
No, no, thank you,
I'm late for a meeting.

1044
00:43:53.200 --> 00:43:54.997
Bigger smile.
Bigger smile, yeah.

1045
00:43:55.080 --> 00:43:57.071
There you go. Perfect.

1046
00:43:57.200 --> 00:43:58.758
Have a nice day.
Next.

1047
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:00.000
Thank you.

1048
00:44:00.040 --> 00:44:01.837
Congratulations.

1049
00:44:01.920 --> 00:44:03.831
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Shoot!

1050
00:44:04.280 --> 00:44:05.315
One more.

1051
00:44:05.400 --> 00:44:08.198
Ma'am, these are contest winners.
Only they get pictures.

1052
00:44:08.280 --> 00:44:09.816
I'm not... I'm actually
not here for a picture.

1053
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:11.114
I'm here to
show Miranda this.

1054
00:44:11.240 --> 00:44:12.275
Fine, stay here.

1055
00:44:12.400 --> 00:44:13.736
But, there's actually...
Hey, hey, hey!

1056
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:14.760
How cute.

1057
00:44:14.920 --> 00:44:15.989
That's very sweet.
Miranda!

1058
00:44:16.080 --> 00:44:17.911
I'm sorry, that's...
Congratulations.

1059
00:44:18.040 --> 00:44:19.598
I'm not a contest winner.

1060
00:44:19.760 --> 00:44:20.988
Then why am I
hugging you?

1061
00:44:21.080 --> 00:44:23.196
I'm sorry. I'm late.
I'm here for the interview.

1062
00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:24.376
We're not doing
any press today.

1063
00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:25.520
No. I'm not
interviewing you.

1064
00:44:25.600 --> 00:44:27.056
She's interviewing me.
You need to calm down.

1065
00:44:27.080 --> 00:44:29.548
I need to calm down?
I'm not here for a photograph.

1066
00:44:29.640 --> 00:44:31.153
I'm here for a job.

1067
00:44:31.240 --> 00:44:32.434
Oh, you must be Sandy.

1068
00:44:32.520 --> 00:44:33.589
Yes, I'm Sandy!

1069
00:44:33.680 --> 00:44:35.671
Yes! Well, you missed
the design meeting.

1070
00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:36.896
Miranda is a very
busy person.

1071
00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:38.280
SANDY: Oh, really?
Is Miranda busy?

1072
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:40.472
Well, I would have
been here on time

1073
00:44:40.560 --> 00:44:42.120
if my ex-husband
hadn't married a tween,

1074
00:44:42.280 --> 00:44:45.829
or if my doctor had called in
my child's asthma medication,

1075
00:44:45.920 --> 00:44:47.478
or if my mother-mobile
went faster

1076
00:44:47.560 --> 00:44:49.073
than 4 miles per
hour on the freeway.

1077
00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:52.238
But I understand it. I get it.
Her time is very valuable.

1078
00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:55.437
And she's very busy.
My time is not.

1079
00:44:59.480 --> 00:45:01.436
My bra's on inside out.

1080
00:45:02.440 --> 00:45:04.096
Would you like me
to help you with your bra?

1081
00:45:04.120 --> 00:45:06.429
No! Uh... Thank you, though.

1082
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:09.353
I like your blouse.

1083
00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:11.998
Thank you. I just made this.

1084
00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:17.349
PHOTOGRAPHER: Next.

1085
00:45:18.640 --> 00:45:19.914
Look at me, look right here.

1086
00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:25.269
It's not a date. Oh, just...

1087
00:45:27.320 --> 00:45:28.389
Great.

1088
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:29.993
That's a waste of my time.

1089
00:45:30.160 --> 00:45:32.993
Oh, I'm Miranda.
I'm the busiest woman in the world.

1090
00:45:33.640 --> 00:45:34.789
Where is she, Betty?

1091
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:36.472
There she is,
talking to herself.

1092
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:37.869
Thanks, Betty.

1093
00:45:39.320 --> 00:45:41.151
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, ma'am.

1094
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:44.434
I'm sorry, Miss Collins
would like to see you now.

1095
00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:46.879
She would?
Yes.

1096
00:45:47.320 --> 00:45:48.389
Okay.

1097
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:49.879
Oh, shoot!

1098
00:45:50.240 --> 00:45:51.240
Um...

1099
00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:53.678
One second, one second.

1100
00:45:55.360 --> 00:45:57.032
Can I help you with something?

1101
00:45:57.880 --> 00:45:59.616
Watch yourself.
Don't get stuck in there now.

1102
00:45:59.640 --> 00:46:00.640
Would you...
Okay, sure.

1103
00:46:00.720 --> 00:46:01.755
I got it. I got it.
Yep.

1104
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:03.319
Okay?
Yes, I got it.

1105
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:05.277
You sure you got everything?
Hello in there.

1106
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:06.456
You want this back?
No, no, no.

1107
00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:07.674
No, okay.

1108
00:46:09.560 --> 00:46:14.634
Uh, okay, so,
I was trying to create

1109
00:46:14.720 --> 00:46:17.473
a little bit more
flow and, um...

1110
00:46:17.560 --> 00:46:18.560
(STAMMERS)

1111
00:46:19.680 --> 00:46:22.035
Gosh, your head just really
snapped right off there.

1112
00:46:22.120 --> 00:46:23.120
Anyhow.

1113
00:46:23.200 --> 00:46:26.033
So, that's why I kind of
rounded out these edges

1114
00:46:26.240 --> 00:46:27.559
a little bit and
opened it up.

1115
00:46:27.720 --> 00:46:28.720
And also, um...

1116
00:46:28.840 --> 00:46:30.512
How long has
your son had asthma?

1117
00:46:32.720 --> 00:46:34.233
His whole life.

1118
00:46:35.040 --> 00:46:38.271
But the doctors say that they
can grow out of it sometimes.

1119
00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:42.718
Do you have kids?
No.

1120
00:46:43.600 --> 00:46:44.999
Career.
Sure.

1121
00:46:45.080 --> 00:46:46.080
Keeps me busy.

1122
00:46:46.440 --> 00:46:48.715
Yeah, of course.

1123
00:46:49.600 --> 00:46:54.071
Tell me more about this
tween and your ex-husband.

1124
00:46:54.680 --> 00:46:56.477
Oh, yeah.

1125
00:46:56.560 --> 00:46:59.233
Oh, I'm sure I exaggerated
about that a little bit.

1126
00:46:59.360 --> 00:47:02.272
I'm sure she's older,
but I'll have a better idea

1127
00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:03.833
once all the acne clears up.

1128
00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:05.751
(LAUGHS)

1129
00:47:05.920 --> 00:47:07.273
You're funny.

1130
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:09.191
You have to be
more fun than she is.

1131
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:12.113
I am, I am.

1132
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:14.956
Well, you should hold on to that.
Yeah.

1133
00:47:16.240 --> 00:47:17.389
Yeah.

1134
00:47:18.920 --> 00:47:22.276
Okay, I feel like I should keep
pitching you my... The set, so...

1135
00:47:22.400 --> 00:47:24.550
No, not at all.
You're hired.

1136
00:47:25.560 --> 00:47:27.357
That's it?
Mmm-hmm.

1137
00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:30.193
And I dare say with this new job,
you might be able to afford

1138
00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:31.599
a slightly faster car.

1139
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:34.834
Not a Maserati,
but slightly faster car.

1140
00:47:34.920 --> 00:47:37.354
I'm so sorry for that
explosion out there.

1141
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:40.238
Don't be. It got our
attention, didn't it?

1142
00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:42.151
Also a trait to hold on to.

1143
00:47:42.720 --> 00:47:44.392
Okay, thank you.

1144
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:47.756
(WHISPERS) I'll hold on to that, and
I'm funny... I've a lot to hold on to.

1145
00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:50.308
I know that you're
very busy, Miranda, so...

1146
00:47:50.440 --> 00:47:51.998
One last thing.

1147
00:47:52.120 --> 00:47:54.839
There is one final
souvenir to give away,

1148
00:47:54.960 --> 00:47:57.633
though you were not
an essay-contest winner.

1149
00:47:58.960 --> 00:48:01.997
Thank you. 100% gold-plated
hypoallergenic bangle.

1150
00:48:02.120 --> 00:48:03.120
Oh.
Just for you.

1151
00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:06.153
Oh, my gosh.
This has been a great day.

1152
00:48:06.320 --> 00:48:07.320
(CHUCKLES)

1153
00:48:09.920 --> 00:48:12.480
Jess, our blender's broken.
We're using yours.

1154
00:48:12.600 --> 00:48:13.715
Okay.
Hey.

1155
00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:14.800
Hi.

1156
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:16.108
Where's Russell and the kids?

1157
00:48:16.200 --> 00:48:19.476
Oh, they're out in the garage popping
the bubble wrap on the float.

1158
00:48:20.040 --> 00:48:21.393
(SKYPE CALL TUNE PLAYING)

1159
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:24.479
It's them. You answer it.

1160
00:48:24.600 --> 00:48:25.600
It's your Skype.

1161
00:48:25.640 --> 00:48:26.675
It's your parents.

1162
00:48:26.760 --> 00:48:28.079
GABI: Your parents, too.

1163
00:48:28.160 --> 00:48:29.229
You know what?

1164
00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:32.073
This is something that I can do for you,
is answer and talk to them.

1165
00:48:32.160 --> 00:48:33.912
Thank you.
But I'd rather do this.

1166
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:35.069
(SCREAMS)

1167
00:48:35.160 --> 00:48:37.071
Oh, my God.
(LAUGHING)

1168
00:48:37.880 --> 00:48:39.108
Dad.

1169
00:48:39.680 --> 00:48:40.680
EARL: <i>Hi, Jess.</i>

1170
00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:44.110
<i>I want to talk to you about a
Mother's Day present for my old lady.</i>

1171
00:48:44.320 --> 00:48:45.320
Uh...

1172
00:48:45.880 --> 00:48:49.270
The old lady,
meaning my mother?

1173
00:48:49.360 --> 00:48:52.352
<i>Yeah, I've got the greatest
idea in the world.</i>

1174
00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:53.440
Okay.

1175
00:48:53.520 --> 00:48:57.115
<i>A present that's going to knock
your mama plum out of her panties.</i>

1176
00:48:57.200 --> 00:48:58.200
Whoo!

1177
00:48:58.560 --> 00:49:01.632
Dad, that is a really
interesting visual.

1178
00:49:01.720 --> 00:49:03.551
FLO: <i>What are you
guys talking about?</i>

1179
00:49:03.680 --> 00:49:06.592
Mom, I thought... Dad, I thought
you wanted it to be a surprise?

1180
00:49:06.680 --> 00:49:08.352
<i>Oh, it will be.</i>

1181
00:49:08.480 --> 00:49:10.198
(DOORBEL RINGS)
Come in, door's open.

1182
00:49:11.160 --> 00:49:12.229
Hello?

1183
00:49:13.480 --> 00:49:14.879
Hello? Dad?

1184
00:49:15.320 --> 00:49:16.469
Surprise!
(SCREAMS)

1185
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:19.715
Oh, my God!
That was... What?

1186
00:49:20.600 --> 00:49:22.033
What?

1187
00:49:22.160 --> 00:49:23.309
(INDISTINCT)

1188
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:27.835
Yes, you have that here now.

1189
00:49:27.920 --> 00:49:29.876
That's crazy.

1190
00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:31.989
Gabi!

1191
00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:33.594
(INDISTINCT)

1192
00:49:33.720 --> 00:49:35.039
Gabi!

1193
00:49:35.560 --> 00:49:36.913
Oh, it's you guys.

1194
00:49:37.000 --> 00:49:38.194
Yeah, it is!

1195
00:49:39.680 --> 00:49:41.159
Oh, sweetheart.

1196
00:49:41.240 --> 00:49:42.856
JESSE: Gabi, you're not
going to believe it.

1197
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:45.838
You guys are
supposed to be in Texas.

1198
00:49:45.960 --> 00:49:47.188
I lied.

1199
00:49:47.680 --> 00:49:49.955
We've been driving
20 hours straight.

1200
00:49:50.080 --> 00:49:52.799
I thought with us making up
on the Skype and all

1201
00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:53.989
and Gabi's engagement,

1202
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:57.755
what a great
Mother's Day surprise,

1203
00:49:57.880 --> 00:49:59.438
a couple of days early.

1204
00:49:59.600 --> 00:50:00.669
Mom, Dad!

1205
00:50:00.760 --> 00:50:02.955
What are you guys doing here?

1206
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:04.360
Yay!

1207
00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:06.593
Oh!

1208
00:50:07.880 --> 00:50:08.880
Hi, Daddy.

1209
00:50:08.920 --> 00:50:10.353
Hi, sweetheart.

1210
00:50:10.440 --> 00:50:12.749
Hey, listen. Uh, where's
the little ladies' room?

1211
00:50:12.880 --> 00:50:14.518
Down the hall.
EARL: I'll be right back.

1212
00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:16.079
FLO: I just can't
take him anywhere.

1213
00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:17.759
Oh...
Oh!

1214
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:21.355
Well, I'll say,
this is some kind of casa.

1215
00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:23.193
Thank you.

1216
00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:25.032
That's not good.
It's not good.

1217
00:50:25.120 --> 00:50:26.976
You need to call Russell.
Text Russell right now.

1218
00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:28.035
Okay.

1219
00:50:28.120 --> 00:50:29.136
Text Russell, tell him
don't leave the garage

1220
00:50:29.160 --> 00:50:30.576
and don't let the kids
get out of the garage.

1221
00:50:30.600 --> 00:50:31.635
Just stay in the garage.

1222
00:50:31.960 --> 00:50:33.951
Oh, look at that picture.

1223
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:35.115
I don't like it.

1224
00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:37.793
I don't live here.

1225
00:50:38.120 --> 00:50:41.749
Uh... Oh, hello there,
I'm Gabi's mom.

1226
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:43.592
You must be Steven.

1227
00:50:44.600 --> 00:50:45.600
Oh!

1228
00:50:45.800 --> 00:50:46.915
(CHUCKLES)

1229
00:50:47.120 --> 00:50:48.189
I'm sorry.

1230
00:50:48.280 --> 00:50:51.590
I'm sorry, I thought
you were someone else.

1231
00:50:51.680 --> 00:50:52.999
You're Gabi's mom?

1232
00:50:53.120 --> 00:50:54.519
Yes, and who are you?
Oh.

1233
00:50:54.640 --> 00:50:55.640
(STUTTERS) Um, I'm,...

1234
00:50:56.600 --> 00:51:01.230
I'm Max, I'm Gabi's partner.

1235
00:51:01.320 --> 00:51:05.154
In crime. This is her
partner in crime, Max.

1236
00:51:06.640 --> 00:51:09.473
Well, good as new.

1237
00:51:09.560 --> 00:51:10.560
Oh.

1238
00:51:10.640 --> 00:51:11.789
You got any beer?

1239
00:51:12.160 --> 00:51:13.195
Yes.

1240
00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:14.878
We could always
go out for a beer.

1241
00:51:15.240 --> 00:51:16.468
Uh, uh...

1242
00:51:16.600 --> 00:51:18.352
Hoegaarden, Stella...

1243
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:20.393
No.
Kingfisher...

1244
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:24.155
It sounds like
the freakin' United Nations.

1245
00:51:24.720 --> 00:51:28.952
Uh, no, no, I'll import
some American brew from my RV.

1246
00:51:29.040 --> 00:51:30.155
Be right back.

1247
00:51:30.240 --> 00:51:31.468
Where is Steven?

1248
00:51:32.840 --> 00:51:33.875
BOTH: Oh.

1249
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:35.399
Good luck.
Steven is...

1250
00:51:35.520 --> 00:51:36.520
FLO: Steven.

1251
00:51:36.560 --> 00:51:37.595
The one that...

1252
00:51:37.680 --> 00:51:38.715
Gabi's fiancé.

1253
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:41.030
I'm excited to meet
my future son-in-law.

1254
00:51:41.200 --> 00:51:42.599
Are you? Okay.

1255
00:51:42.680 --> 00:51:45.797
Mom, um,
there is no Steven.

1256
00:51:45.880 --> 00:51:47.871
Max is my partner.

1257
00:51:49.640 --> 00:51:51.198
Your business partner?

1258
00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:54.874
No, um, my life partner.

1259
00:51:55.880 --> 00:51:57.438
Your li...

1260
00:51:57.880 --> 00:51:59.108
Uh, what...

1261
00:51:59.200 --> 00:52:01.031
I'm Gabi's wife.

1262
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:02.360
Huh?

1263
00:52:02.520 --> 00:52:04.670
We're wives.

1264
00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:07.550
No! No!

1265
00:52:08.880 --> 00:52:10.154
What did I miss?
Oh!

1266
00:52:10.920 --> 00:52:12.800
A heck of an episode
of <i>The Jerry Springer Show.</i>

1267
00:52:12.840 --> 00:52:14.512
Doesn't get any
better than Jerry.

1268
00:52:14.600 --> 00:52:17.558
Hey, Jesse, why am I
staying in the... Oh, hello.

1269
00:52:17.680 --> 00:52:19.280
And we are back from commercial.
Go back.

1270
00:52:20.600 --> 00:52:21.715
Are you the houseboy?

1271
00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:24.632
No, who the hell are you?

1272
00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:26.153
Well, I'm Jesse's father.

1273
00:52:26.240 --> 00:52:27.360
Okay, that's not funny, pal,

1274
00:52:27.400 --> 00:52:29.834
because Jesse's
father and mother

1275
00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:32.388
are in a dementia
facility in Arizona, right?

1276
00:52:32.920 --> 00:52:35.354
Dementia, my butt.

1277
00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:37.239
We live in Texas.

1278
00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:39.920
You're going to tell me
that you're Jesse's mother?

1279
00:52:40.240 --> 00:52:41.275
Oh, yeah.

1280
00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:43.595
Well, who in
the Sam H. are you?

1281
00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:46.593
Well, I am Jesse's husband,
I think.

1282
00:52:46.920 --> 00:52:49.388
Are we on <i>The Jerry Springer
Show</i> right now?

1283
00:52:49.560 --> 00:52:51.152
Are we?
(STUTTERS) Wait, wait, wait.

1284
00:52:51.240 --> 00:52:52.673
Jesse's not married.

1285
00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:54.432
Oh, oh, yes, she is.

1286
00:52:54.560 --> 00:52:56.073
Yes, she is, to me.

1287
00:52:56.200 --> 00:52:57.235
To him.

1288
00:52:58.080 --> 00:52:59.718
Oh, holy hell.

1289
00:53:00.720 --> 00:53:02.915
You've got a towel-head
for a husband?

1290
00:53:03.040 --> 00:53:04.837
I thought you
broke up with him.

1291
00:53:04.920 --> 00:53:08.356
Okay, FYI, towel-head,
super offensive. So...

1292
00:53:08.440 --> 00:53:09.919
It's very offensive.

1293
00:53:10.600 --> 00:53:13.273
You got married and
you didn't tell us?

1294
00:53:13.400 --> 00:53:15.755
So is Gabi and
to a gay person.

1295
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:18.468
What?
Mom, I'm a gay person.

1296
00:53:18.560 --> 00:53:19.879
She is a gay person.

1297
00:53:19.960 --> 00:53:21.837
Sweet jumpin' Jesus.

1298
00:53:22.120 --> 00:53:23.348
Let's go, Flo.

1299
00:53:23.440 --> 00:53:25.192
There's a whole lot
of life going on here

1300
00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:26.998
that has nothing
to do with us.

1301
00:53:27.120 --> 00:53:29.156
This isn't the surprise
I was looking for.

1302
00:53:29.440 --> 00:53:30.998
You'll be fine
and so will he.

1303
00:53:31.320 --> 00:53:32.514
Oh, thanks, Mom.

1304
00:53:32.640 --> 00:53:34.756
Just get a divorce
before he gets you pregnant.

1305
00:53:34.840 --> 00:53:35.909
EARL: Amen.

1306
00:53:36.000 --> 00:53:37.638
CHARLIE: Tanner needs you,
Uncle Russell.

1307
00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:40.475
Hey, buddy, come here.

1308
00:53:40.800 --> 00:53:42.631
(TANNER MUTTERING)

1309
00:53:43.160 --> 00:53:44.832
Who are they?

1310
00:53:44.920 --> 00:53:46.990
Uh, this is ours. Hi.

1311
00:53:47.160 --> 00:53:48.160
Tanner.

1312
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:49.955
Can you say hi?

1313
00:53:50.600 --> 00:53:52.079
Say hi, Grandma, hi, Grandpa.

1314
00:53:52.160 --> 00:53:53.160
Yes.

1315
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:55.351
And, uh, Charlie is my child.

1316
00:53:55.440 --> 00:53:56.793
That I adopted.

1317
00:53:56.960 --> 00:53:58.951
I came from a sperm donor.
That's right.

1318
00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:00.837
He might have been named Steven.
Mmm-hmm.

1319
00:54:02.840 --> 00:54:04.717
Those were your grandparents.
Mmm-hmm?

1320
00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:07.275
And I put on a bra for this?

1321
00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:10.634
(POPPING)

1322
00:54:12.040 --> 00:54:13.040
Oh.

1323
00:54:14.360 --> 00:54:16.316
Look, it's black.

1324
00:54:17.640 --> 00:54:19.756
Oh! Now,
that's the last straw.

1325
00:54:19.840 --> 00:54:20.875
What?

1326
00:54:20.960 --> 00:54:22.029
The tire, it's flat.
Oh.

1327
00:54:23.000 --> 00:54:24.672
Don't worry, Fluffy.

1328
00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:26.279
We'll get it fixed tomorrow.

1329
00:54:26.840 --> 00:54:28.353
The tire, maybe.

1330
00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:30.115
JESSE: You don't need this.

1331
00:54:30.200 --> 00:54:34.557
Look, you told me that your parents
were mentally incapacitated.

1332
00:54:34.680 --> 00:54:36.193
Trust me, they are.

1333
00:54:36.280 --> 00:54:39.511
Oh? They are, and besides,
it was our first date.

1334
00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:42.150
Okay, who doesn't lie
on their first date?

1335
00:54:42.240 --> 00:54:45.312
Oh, really? Well, what about
our second date and 50th date

1336
00:54:45.400 --> 00:54:47.231
and what about the, um...

1337
00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:50.118
Hey! Oh! The time that we
had a child together?

1338
00:54:50.200 --> 00:54:53.636
Do you realize that you lied to me
about your parents?

1339
00:54:53.720 --> 00:54:55.790
I lie to everybody
about my parents.

1340
00:54:55.880 --> 00:54:57.108
Oh, that's reassuring.

1341
00:54:57.200 --> 00:54:59.430
I lie about my horrible
life in that trailer park.

1342
00:54:59.560 --> 00:55:02.393
I was a freshman in high school,
saving every dime that I had

1343
00:55:02.520 --> 00:55:04.511
so that I could
just get out of there.

1344
00:55:04.600 --> 00:55:07.319
No graduation,
cap, gown, on a bus.

1345
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:09.709
Good, I get it,
you hate your parents.

1346
00:55:09.800 --> 00:55:11.119
No, I don't hate them.

1347
00:55:11.200 --> 00:55:12.840
They're my parents,
so I love them, but...

1348
00:55:13.880 --> 00:55:15.313
Honey, it's not...

1349
00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:17.755
It's just that they're
wrong about so much

1350
00:55:17.880 --> 00:55:20.269
and they're wrong
about how they treat people,

1351
00:55:20.400 --> 00:55:22.576
they're wrong about how they
honor people's differences...

1352
00:55:22.600 --> 00:55:24.033
You know what's
the worst part,

1353
00:55:24.120 --> 00:55:25.917
is that you lied
to them about me.

1354
00:55:26.080 --> 00:55:29.256
(IN AN INDIAN ACCENT) Why? Because it's so
terrible to be married to a towel-head!

1355
00:55:29.280 --> 00:55:30.315
(VOCALIZING)

1356
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:31.992
How embarrassing for you.

1357
00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:34.071
Yeah, they should have
called me Dr. Towel-Head.

1358
00:55:34.160 --> 00:55:35.160
Where are you going?

1359
00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:38.400
Ready?

1360
00:55:40.080 --> 00:55:41.433
(GROANING)
Good.

1361
00:55:41.800 --> 00:55:43.438
(CONTINUES GROANING)

1362
00:55:44.600 --> 00:55:45.635
Okay.

1363
00:55:45.760 --> 00:55:46.909
Good!

1364
00:55:47.000 --> 00:55:48.035
How'd I do?

1365
00:55:48.120 --> 00:55:50.270
Amazing. You were so good.
Yeah. Yeah.

1366
00:55:50.360 --> 00:55:51.509
It was really...
Help?

1367
00:55:51.600 --> 00:55:53.158
Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.

1368
00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:54.998
Um, I think
I'm going to go to yoga.

1369
00:55:55.120 --> 00:55:56.120
Yeah, yeah, please.

1370
00:55:56.200 --> 00:55:58.236
No, yeah,
a little safer, I guess.

1371
00:55:59.120 --> 00:56:02.430
Hey, look,
I need your guys' help.

1372
00:56:02.560 --> 00:56:03.560
Oh!

1373
00:56:03.880 --> 00:56:05.598
Yeah, we've got
the perfect girl for you.

1374
00:56:05.680 --> 00:56:07.033
No, no, no, not that.

1375
00:56:07.120 --> 00:56:08.758
Look, um,
I want to know everything

1376
00:56:08.840 --> 00:56:10.432
you guys know
about this Tommy kid.

1377
00:56:10.640 --> 00:56:12.949
I like his mother, Denise.
I know!

1378
00:56:13.040 --> 00:56:14.917
She's always
volunteering for school.

1379
00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:16.228
That's nice.

1380
00:56:16.320 --> 00:56:18.436
Her banana bread is nothing
to write home about.

1381
00:56:18.560 --> 00:56:19.709
It's dry on a good day.

1382
00:56:19.800 --> 00:56:22.360
Okay, I don't need you talking
trash about her bake sale goods.

1383
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:25.199
Look, I want to know,
should I let her date him?

1384
00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:26.713
Do you have a choice?

1385
00:56:27.120 --> 00:56:28.320
SANDY: Where's the yoga class?

1386
00:56:28.360 --> 00:56:30.240
MAN: It's right over there.
It starts at 10:00.

1387
00:56:30.480 --> 00:56:31.674
Sorry.

1388
00:56:36.640 --> 00:56:37.789
Where's he going?

1389
00:56:41.160 --> 00:56:42.798
Hey, what are you
doing back there?

1390
00:56:43.120 --> 00:56:44.951
Uh... Just checking your form.

1391
00:56:45.040 --> 00:56:46.109
It's good. Nice job.

1392
00:56:46.200 --> 00:56:47.280
LADY: Buns of steel, right?

1393
00:56:47.640 --> 00:56:50.791
No, no, no. Yeah, I have a choice, okay?
I'm her father.

1394
00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:53.235
Hmm. If you say no,
they start rebelling,

1395
00:56:53.320 --> 00:56:55.276
start telling lies
and keeping secrets.

1396
00:56:55.360 --> 00:56:57.112
Sneaking out, running away.

1397
00:56:57.200 --> 00:57:00.795
Yeah, it could lead to meth,
prostitution and possibly dating a drummer.

1398
00:57:00.920 --> 00:57:02.558
Okay, look, that's not
helpful right now.

1399
00:57:02.680 --> 00:57:05.752
I want to know one thing,
is he a nice boy or not a nice boy?

1400
00:57:05.840 --> 00:57:08.149
That's it.
All redheads are nice.

1401
00:57:08.880 --> 00:57:10.552
I think he's a nice boy.
Yeah.

1402
00:57:11.440 --> 00:57:12.759
He's all right.

1403
00:57:12.840 --> 00:57:14.353
So, what about Mother's Day?

1404
00:57:15.720 --> 00:57:17.119
Uh, I'll be back.

1405
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:20.120
KRISTIN: Sleep tight, Katie.

1406
00:57:20.720 --> 00:57:24.030
All right,
finally got her down to sleep

1407
00:57:24.120 --> 00:57:26.350
just in time for
you to take her home.

1408
00:57:28.120 --> 00:57:31.874
Hello, I'm sensing
some disappointment.

1409
00:57:32.640 --> 00:57:34.915
I would have heard back
from the club by now.

1410
00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:36.877
I don't get it.
I thought I killed.

1411
00:57:36.960 --> 00:57:40.270
I'm sure you murdered,
destroyed, annihilated.

1412
00:57:40.760 --> 00:57:43.479
I must have been better
than the girl with the banjo.

1413
00:57:43.560 --> 00:57:47.394
Hey, you are the most
talented comic in this town.

1414
00:57:49.560 --> 00:57:51.471
We open in 10 minutes, people.

1415
00:57:51.560 --> 00:57:53.710
Sh... What are you, Shorty?

1416
00:57:53.800 --> 00:57:56.030
No, I'm just yelling for two.
Ah.

1417
00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:58.109
Oh, oh...

1418
00:57:58.200 --> 00:58:01.431
Um, Zack, is there any way that
you can watch Katie tomorrow?

1419
00:58:01.560 --> 00:58:03.915
I told Val that I'd take her
to a doctor's appointment.

1420
00:58:04.080 --> 00:58:07.914
You're taking me to
my doctor's appointment. Yup.

1421
00:58:08.080 --> 00:58:09.877
A llama? I would love... Yes.

1422
00:58:09.960 --> 00:58:11.598
They would love that.

1423
00:58:11.720 --> 00:58:13.256
Okay. Oh, sorry.
You know what? (PHONE RINGING)

1424
00:58:13.280 --> 00:58:15.919
Can I call you right back?
I have to call you right back.

1425
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:17.069
Thank you.

1426
00:58:17.960 --> 00:58:21.396
Hey, Jesse! Honey, I need you to come
over Saturday morning with Tanner.

1427
00:58:21.480 --> 00:58:23.516
Well, I'm having
a small party for the kids.

1428
00:58:23.600 --> 00:58:25.120
Don't you think
they would like a llama

1429
00:58:25.200 --> 00:58:26.736
way more than they'd
like the Foo Fighters?

1430
00:58:26.760 --> 00:58:27.875
I mean, come on.

1431
00:58:28.640 --> 00:58:29.959
(MOANING SOFTLY)

1432
00:58:33.520 --> 00:58:37.274
FLO: Earl, I'm looking at the
girls when they were younger.

1433
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:39.908
<i>Loving can hurt</i>

1434
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:44.433
<i>Loving can hurt sometimes</i>

1435
00:58:46.160 --> 00:58:50.790
<i>But it's the only
thing that I know</i>

1436
00:58:56.240 --> 00:58:58.879
<i>We keep this love
in a photograph</i>

1437
00:59:00.640 --> 00:59:03.950
<i>We made these memories
for ourselves</i>

1438
00:59:04.040 --> 00:59:06.315
<i>Where our eyes
are never closing</i>

1439
00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:08.595
<i>Hearts are never broken</i>

1440
00:59:08.680 --> 00:59:11.672
<i>Time's forever frozen still</i>

1441
00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:23.799
<i>I will remember
how you kissed me</i>

1442
00:59:24.160 --> 00:59:28.233
<i>Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street</i>

1443
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:31.313
<i>Hearing you whisper
through the phone</i>

1444
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:35.234
<i>"Wait for me
to come home"</i>

1445
00:59:37.600 --> 00:59:40.478
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

1446
00:59:41.400 --> 00:59:44.392
DJ: Hello, everybody!
Welcome to Sandy's party!

1447
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:45.913
All right!

1448
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:48.195
We've got Bella
the Balloon Lady,

1449
00:59:48.280 --> 00:59:50.430
we've got Marty,
the animal wrangler!

1450
00:59:50.520 --> 00:59:53.751
Hi! We've got
Pinwheel painting faces,

1451
00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:55.910
and a big slide!

1452
00:59:57.160 --> 00:59:58.559
Wow.
Hi.

1453
00:59:58.840 --> 00:59:59.989
(CHUCKLING)

1454
01:00:00.400 --> 01:00:01.753
This is something.

1455
01:00:01.840 --> 01:00:03.831
Yeah, I don't know
what happened.

1456
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:06.195
I just called to rent
Bella the Balloon Lady,

1457
01:00:06.280 --> 01:00:07.536
and I just couldn't
stop saying yes.

1458
01:00:07.560 --> 01:00:08.788
No, no, I like it.

1459
01:00:08.920 --> 01:00:10.416
And then all of this.
TANNER: Can we go see the llama?

1460
01:00:10.440 --> 01:00:12.351
Yeah, why don't you go.

1461
01:00:12.440 --> 01:00:13.759
Let me talk to Sandy.

1462
01:00:13.880 --> 01:00:15.199
Go to the petting
zoo, honey.

1463
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:16.474
Tortoises, bunnies...

1464
01:00:16.560 --> 01:00:17.993
Come on, Tanner.

1465
01:00:18.080 --> 01:00:19.800
So, you have not
heard from Russell? (SIGHS)

1466
01:00:19.880 --> 01:00:23.429
Not a peep, radio silence.

1467
01:00:23.880 --> 01:00:26.030
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

1468
01:00:26.720 --> 01:00:28.676
Well, at least you
have Tanner, you know?

1469
01:00:29.040 --> 01:00:30.040
He won't bite.

1470
01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:32.157
Of course, until the day
that you get a divorce

1471
01:00:32.240 --> 01:00:34.800
and then you have to have
that 50/50 shared custody

1472
01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:36.632
and then it's just,
like, hell.

1473
01:00:37.800 --> 01:00:39.711
That's my life.
Wait a second.

1474
01:00:39.800 --> 01:00:41.240
That's not your life,
that's my life.

1475
01:00:42.280 --> 01:00:43.872
Indians don't
really get divorced.

1476
01:00:46.120 --> 01:00:47.599
Tire's good.

1477
01:00:47.720 --> 01:00:49.073
I'm all packed.

1478
01:00:49.640 --> 01:00:54.475
Now, we can put a whole lot of
gone between us and these, uh...

1479
01:00:55.560 --> 01:00:56.913
These, uh...

1480
01:00:58.440 --> 01:00:59.475
Oh!

1481
01:00:59.560 --> 01:01:01.039
Hot damn!

1482
01:01:01.120 --> 01:01:02.792
FLO: What is it, Earl?

1483
01:01:02.920 --> 01:01:06.071
Someone stole
my ignition fuse!

1484
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:08.390
What are we going to do now?
(EARL GROANS)

1485
01:01:08.600 --> 01:01:09.600
(GURGLES)

1486
01:01:10.720 --> 01:01:13.951
There's a Pep Boys
about a mile back.

1487
01:01:15.160 --> 01:01:17.196
I'm going to start walking.

1488
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:25.956
(KIDS CHEERING)
Yeah!

1489
01:01:26.160 --> 01:01:27.479
Can I ride the llama?

1490
01:01:27.600 --> 01:01:29.477
No.
How about the alpaca?

1491
01:01:29.600 --> 01:01:30.635
It's a fun party.

1492
01:01:30.760 --> 01:01:32.336
Can you open this, Sam?
Yeah, we can't open...

1493
01:01:32.360 --> 01:01:34.237
Sure.
(GASPS) (POPS)

1494
01:01:45.680 --> 01:01:47.113
(KID SQUEALING)

1495
01:01:52.120 --> 01:01:53.120
(HONKS HORN)

1496
01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:54.389
Yeah, hey,
how are you doing?

1497
01:01:54.640 --> 01:01:56.976
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Hey, I'm doing good.
You like some spaghetti?

1498
01:01:57.000 --> 01:01:58.035
I'm good, thanks.

1499
01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:03.237
You don't like
any spaghetti.

1500
01:02:03.360 --> 01:02:04.679
Back up, Bozo.

1501
01:02:04.760 --> 01:02:06.637
Oh.
The fireworks arrived.

1502
01:02:06.720 --> 01:02:08.950
So, I'm going to
go check on Tanner.

1503
01:02:11.320 --> 01:02:13.629
Sandy, what's going on?
Yeah. Hey.

1504
01:02:14.680 --> 01:02:16.159
Oh, I so...

1505
01:02:16.240 --> 01:02:18.708
I'm so sorry.
I completely lost track of time.

1506
01:02:18.800 --> 01:02:20.313
I'm supposed to
drop the boys off.

1507
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:22.232
I'm so sorry.
What is all this?

1508
01:02:23.000 --> 01:02:24.956
It's a party.
For what?

1509
01:02:25.480 --> 01:02:28.790
For fun, on a Saturday...
For fun on a Saturday,

1510
01:02:28.880 --> 01:02:29.976
a party for fun
on a Saturday.

1511
01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:31.718
This is completely
unlike you.

1512
01:02:31.840 --> 01:02:33.336
What do you mean?
It feels totally like me.

1513
01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:34.918
This is completely
irresponsible.

1514
01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:37.514
Irresponsible?
I'm irresponsible?

1515
01:02:39.000 --> 01:02:40.240
You can call me
a lot of things,

1516
01:02:40.360 --> 01:02:41.800
but irresponsible
is not one of them.

1517
01:02:41.840 --> 01:02:43.176
Listen to me,
when was the last time

1518
01:02:43.200 --> 01:02:44.553
you took the kids
to a dentist?

1519
01:02:46.040 --> 01:02:47.075
Huh?

1520
01:02:47.200 --> 01:02:49.031
Or to go buy them,
you know, school supplies

1521
01:02:49.200 --> 01:02:52.192
or one of the gazillion
things that I do?

1522
01:02:52.280 --> 01:02:54.271
Oh, that's right.
Never.

1523
01:02:56.440 --> 01:02:59.352
You have a parental
and legal responsibility

1524
01:02:59.440 --> 01:03:02.273
to drop the kids off
at the designated time.

1525
01:03:02.360 --> 01:03:03.634
Today is Saturday.

1526
01:03:03.720 --> 01:03:05.517
We have them at noon.

1527
01:03:06.720 --> 01:03:09.712
You have them tomorrow
on Mother's Day.

1528
01:03:10.240 --> 01:03:11.936
HENRY: Let's go, Mikey, time to go.
Do we have to?

1529
01:03:11.960 --> 01:03:14.030
Yes, now, we do.
Where's your brother? (SQUEALING)

1530
01:03:14.120 --> 01:03:16.076
He's on the slide.
Go get your stuff.

1531
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:19.550
Peter. Let's go.

1532
01:03:19.640 --> 01:03:20.789
Get down here
right now.

1533
01:03:20.880 --> 01:03:23.110
No way, I'm not leaving.
Mom said we can have fun.

1534
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:25.176
I don't care what your mom said.
I'm in charge now.

1535
01:03:25.200 --> 01:03:26.936
I'm going to count to three
and then I'm coming up there,

1536
01:03:26.960 --> 01:03:28.552
one, two, three.
Here I come.

1537
01:03:28.640 --> 01:03:29.709
I'm coming up.

1538
01:03:30.080 --> 01:03:32.150
Hey. Come on,
Peter. Peter!

1539
01:03:35.240 --> 01:03:36.468
Got to catch me first.

1540
01:03:41.360 --> 01:03:42.395
Go get your stuff!

1541
01:03:44.240 --> 01:03:45.355
HENRY: Hey, get your stuff.

1542
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:47.056
Oh, sweetie, I wouldn't
touch that if I were... That...

1543
01:03:47.080 --> 01:03:48.479
But I like orange.

1544
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:49.755
Damn it, Peter.

1545
01:03:49.840 --> 01:03:50.909
Hey, we've got to go.

1546
01:03:51.000 --> 01:03:53.878
Oh, well, in that case,
sure, you know, go ahead.

1547
01:03:55.760 --> 01:03:57.079
(DEFLATES)
What the...

1548
01:03:57.240 --> 01:03:58.240
Yo!

1549
01:04:01.280 --> 01:04:02.395
HENRY: Hello!

1550
01:04:02.480 --> 01:04:04.630
(GASPS)
Hey! This thing is... God.

1551
01:04:05.160 --> 01:04:06.479
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1552
01:04:15.520 --> 01:04:16.936
Welcome to the book
signing, everyone.

1553
01:04:16.960 --> 01:04:18.996
We're here because there's
so few book stores left,

1554
01:04:19.080 --> 01:04:20.176
but there will
always be books.

1555
01:04:20.200 --> 01:04:21.474
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1556
01:04:22.760 --> 01:04:24.273
Thank you very much.

1557
01:04:24.680 --> 01:04:25.856
MIRANDA: Who shall I
make it out to?

1558
01:04:25.880 --> 01:04:27.359
Rory Schroeder.

1559
01:04:27.600 --> 01:04:28.600
Rory.

1560
01:04:28.680 --> 01:04:31.035
Every piece of jewelry I own
is from your collection.

1561
01:04:31.120 --> 01:04:33.031
I love them,
and so does Jerald.

1562
01:04:33.120 --> 01:04:34.758
But they look
better on me. (CHUCKLES)

1563
01:04:35.640 --> 01:04:36.959
Who shall I make it out to?

1564
01:04:39.040 --> 01:04:40.109
Your daughter.

1565
01:04:42.600 --> 01:04:43.715
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

1566
01:04:48.160 --> 01:04:50.310
So, tell me,
why now?

1567
01:04:52.240 --> 01:04:54.231
Well, I just thought
because she was in Atlanta,

1568
01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:56.515
it would be a good time.

1569
01:04:56.640 --> 01:04:57.640
I see.

1570
01:04:57.720 --> 01:05:00.176
You know, you're the fourth person
to say they're her daughter.

1571
01:05:00.200 --> 01:05:03.476
Of course, after Forbes
listed Miranda as the top 50

1572
01:05:03.560 --> 01:05:06.597
female entrepreneurs
in this country, how convenient.

1573
01:05:07.840 --> 01:05:08.989
I have this.

1574
01:05:13.480 --> 01:05:16.631
Anybody could have forged
this and even if it's real,

1575
01:05:16.720 --> 01:05:18.360
you're not going to get
a dime out of her.

1576
01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:23.235
Okay, this was
a mistake. I...

1577
01:05:24.840 --> 01:05:26.096
Could you please
just let her know

1578
01:05:26.120 --> 01:05:28.953
that I never wanted
anything from her?

1579
01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:33.000
(SIGHS)

1580
01:05:37.760 --> 01:05:39.478
Well, that was historic.

1581
01:05:39.560 --> 01:05:42.358
That was a historic
disaster.

1582
01:05:42.520 --> 01:05:43.520
(CHUCKLES)

1583
01:05:44.400 --> 01:05:45.400
Oh...

1584
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:49.748
I mean, this is
all so stupid.

1585
01:05:49.880 --> 01:05:51.472
This is so stupid.

1586
01:05:51.560 --> 01:05:53.516
Look at all this.
What am I doing?

1587
01:05:53.600 --> 01:05:55.192
I mean, you know...

1588
01:05:56.400 --> 01:05:58.311
Ugh, I feel like
such an idiot.

1589
01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:01.392
So, what I'm basically doing
is I'm trying to compete

1590
01:06:01.560 --> 01:06:04.552
with my ex-husband
and a 20-year-old.

1591
01:06:04.640 --> 01:06:07.552
That just makes a lot
of sense, right, Jess?

1592
01:06:08.400 --> 01:06:09.833
It's stupid.

1593
01:06:09.920 --> 01:06:11.399
You know what it is?

1594
01:06:12.880 --> 01:06:15.872
I just...
I just hate feeling so replaceable.

1595
01:06:17.720 --> 01:06:18.994
Well, sadly we all are.

1596
01:06:19.120 --> 01:06:21.588
Oh, geez, you scared
the crap out of me.

1597
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:23.354
I mean, we're
all replaceable.

1598
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:26.398
For every professional clown,
there's 100 hacks with a red nose and a wig

1599
01:06:26.480 --> 01:06:27.480
waiting to do the job.

1600
01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:30.310
Yeah, I understand.
Thanks, clown.

1601
01:06:30.640 --> 01:06:31.709
Jesse?

1602
01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:34.354
There's no way that the bond
you have with your kids

1603
01:06:34.440 --> 01:06:35.919
can ever be broken.

1604
01:06:36.000 --> 01:06:37.296
I mean, there's
no contest, right?

1605
01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:39.356
You're their mom.
Mmm-hmm.

1606
01:06:39.560 --> 01:06:40.595
Oh, let me help.

1607
01:06:41.680 --> 01:06:42.680
Oh...

1608
01:06:43.880 --> 01:06:46.075
Thank... Okay.
(CHUCKLES)

1609
01:06:48.760 --> 01:06:49.988
Yeah? See?

1610
01:06:50.080 --> 01:06:53.072
It's this, I get it,
never-ending scarf bit.

1611
01:06:53.520 --> 01:06:54.714
(LAUGHS)

1612
01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:57.096
Yeah, it's the first time you
got to use this one today, huh?

1613
01:06:57.120 --> 01:06:58.519
(CHUCKLES)
Ah...

1614
01:06:58.600 --> 01:07:00.511
Got a smile from you.
That's great.

1615
01:07:00.600 --> 01:07:02.192
Do you mind if I rub...

1616
01:07:02.280 --> 01:07:03.679
Please.
Thank you very much.

1617
01:07:03.760 --> 01:07:05.416
It's always the traditional
things that work,

1618
01:07:05.440 --> 01:07:07.158
the bottomless
sleeve hanky,

1619
01:07:07.240 --> 01:07:09.196
the bottomless
cup of coffee,

1620
01:07:09.280 --> 01:07:11.589
the bottomless love
from a mother to her kids.

1621
01:07:12.520 --> 01:07:16.035
They know it's there.
Sometimes they just take it for granted.

1622
01:07:16.520 --> 01:07:17.520
Yeah.

1623
01:07:17.600 --> 01:07:18.919
So what if
the other girl is 20,

1624
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:21.275
has great skin and probably
looks insane in a bikini?

1625
01:07:21.720 --> 01:07:23.915
Okay, that's good,
I get it.

1626
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:25.080
Nice pep talk there, clown.

1627
01:07:25.320 --> 01:07:26.355
(CHUCKLES)

1628
01:07:26.440 --> 01:07:27.714
Thank you, clown.

1629
01:07:27.800 --> 01:07:31.236
Never thought I'd ever hear myself
say that, but thank you, clown.

1630
01:07:31.320 --> 01:07:32.594
My pleasure.

1631
01:07:33.120 --> 01:07:34.314
(HONKS HORN)

1632
01:07:37.120 --> 01:07:38.120
Mmm.

1633
01:07:38.240 --> 01:07:40.629
A heart-to-heart with a clown.

1634
01:07:41.640 --> 01:07:43.631
There was not
a soul to see that.

1635
01:07:43.720 --> 01:07:46.314
He could have murdered me.
Okay.

1636
01:07:46.480 --> 01:07:49.074
Jesse, you home?

1637
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:52.151
Hey, I'm getting a beer!

1638
01:07:52.680 --> 01:07:54.318
(LAPTOP CHIMING)

1639
01:07:59.320 --> 01:08:01.311
<i>Hello. Who are you?</i>

1640
01:08:01.920 --> 01:08:03.353
Well, who are you?

1641
01:08:03.480 --> 01:08:05.550
<i>Sonia, mother of Russell.</i>

1642
01:08:06.400 --> 01:08:09.836
Yeah, well, I'm Florence,
mother of Jesse.

1643
01:08:10.240 --> 01:08:11.240
(GASPS)

1644
01:08:11.360 --> 01:08:14.352
<i>Florence, nice to meet you!</i>

1645
01:08:14.760 --> 01:08:16.637
(LAUGHS)

1646
01:08:16.840 --> 01:08:19.638
<i>Ugh, I heard about your
surprise drop-in.</i>

1647
01:08:19.720 --> 01:08:21.233
<i>Are you okay?</i>

1648
01:08:21.320 --> 01:08:22.673
I think so.

1649
01:08:24.440 --> 01:08:25.668
I'm not real sure.

1650
01:08:25.760 --> 01:08:26.760
<i>Are you having a beer?</i>

1651
01:08:27.280 --> 01:08:28.349
Yeah.

1652
01:08:28.800 --> 01:08:29.869
<i>I think I'll join you.</i>

1653
01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:35.114
<i>To say the truth,</i>

1654
01:08:35.240 --> 01:08:37.708
<i>when Russell told me he was
in love with a white girl,</i>

1655
01:08:37.880 --> 01:08:39.279
<i>I wanted to punch a wall.</i>

1656
01:08:39.360 --> 01:08:41.032
Well, at least
you knew about it.

1657
01:08:41.160 --> 01:08:42.275
<i>And then they eloped</i>

1658
01:08:42.360 --> 01:08:44.096
<i>and they didn't even
invite me to the wedding.</i>

1659
01:08:44.120 --> 01:08:45.394
<i>They didn't even tell me.</i>

1660
01:08:45.520 --> 01:08:48.398
Yeah, well, I'm double spitting
just thinking about it.

1661
01:08:50.360 --> 01:08:53.079
Thought I was finished with them,
(SIGHS)

1662
01:08:53.160 --> 01:08:54.388
but they're my baby girls.

1663
01:08:55.800 --> 01:09:00.510
<i>But, Florence, have you
seen our grandchild? Oh...</i>

1664
01:09:00.800 --> 01:09:03.109
I get why they
call him Tanner.

1665
01:09:03.240 --> 01:09:04.832
He's a little dark.

1666
01:09:05.560 --> 01:09:07.471
<i>I think he's a little light.</i>

1667
01:09:07.880 --> 01:09:09.472
Hey, what time
is it in India?

1668
01:09:09.560 --> 01:09:11.312
<i>India? Who knows.</i>

1669
01:09:11.400 --> 01:09:13.231
<i>I live here in Las Vegas.</i>

1670
01:09:13.320 --> 01:09:17.518
<i>No taxes, and I play
the slots anytime I want.</i>

1671
01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:19.472
Hey, smart move.

1672
01:09:19.560 --> 01:09:21.630
Plus, you can drive 20
miles in any direction

1673
01:09:21.760 --> 01:09:24.069
and find some sand
when you get homesick, right?

1674
01:09:24.240 --> 01:09:27.710
<i>I don't get that joke,
but it sounds racist, and funny.</i>

1675
01:09:27.800 --> 01:09:29.279
(LAUGHS)

1676
01:09:29.360 --> 01:09:30.360
(FLO CHUCKLES)

1677
01:09:36.920 --> 01:09:38.035
Hi, Grandma!

1678
01:09:38.520 --> 01:09:39.714
Hey.

1679
01:09:39.800 --> 01:09:41.760
Could you watch Tanner a minute?
I have to go pee.

1680
01:09:42.240 --> 01:09:43.992
(STAMMERS)
Thank you.

1681
01:09:47.000 --> 01:09:48.592
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)

1682
01:10:01.840 --> 01:10:03.273
Here we go!

1683
01:10:05.120 --> 01:10:06.269
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

1684
01:10:10.040 --> 01:10:12.315
I think you look
a little like me.

1685
01:10:12.440 --> 01:10:13.589
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

1686
01:10:13.680 --> 01:10:14.680
Uh-huh.

1687
01:10:14.880 --> 01:10:16.359
Yes, you do.

1688
01:10:16.480 --> 01:10:18.198
I think you do.

1689
01:10:18.280 --> 01:10:21.238
You look just like
me in the summertime.

1690
01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:28.471
(WHISTLE BLARING)

1691
01:10:33.840 --> 01:10:35.159
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1692
01:10:36.960 --> 01:10:38.296
Lakens, thank you
so much for coming.

1693
01:10:38.320 --> 01:10:39.639
We'll see you next time.

1694
01:10:40.320 --> 01:10:42.151
Well, everything
looks good here.

1695
01:10:42.240 --> 01:10:44.754
Will you be joining us for
tomorrow's Mother's Day brunch?

1696
01:10:44.840 --> 01:10:46.353
No, I'm working.
Oh...

1697
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:47.754
Are you a mom?

1698
01:10:48.400 --> 01:10:49.435
No.

1699
01:10:50.320 --> 01:10:53.630
(CHUCKLES) I don't suppose you'd like
a complimentary mum for Mum's Day?

1700
01:10:54.320 --> 01:10:55.389
No.

1701
01:10:56.800 --> 01:10:58.756
If you need anything,
just ask.

1702
01:11:01.920 --> 01:11:04.673
I'm sorry to interrupt
your dinner, my dear.

1703
01:11:07.360 --> 01:11:08.360
(CHUCKLES)

1704
01:11:08.600 --> 01:11:10.431
Fried green tomatoes.

1705
01:11:10.840 --> 01:11:14.310
Lance, you're my agent and I love you,
which is an oxymoron,

1706
01:11:14.400 --> 01:11:17.631
but if you are here for
some philosophical chat,

1707
01:11:17.720 --> 01:11:20.154
short, short would
be good here.

1708
01:11:20.680 --> 01:11:24.673
Yes, you know me as Lance Wallace,
agent to the stars.

1709
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:26.359
You used to have
big stars.

1710
01:11:26.440 --> 01:11:27.600
(SOFTLY)
Now you just have me.

1711
01:11:28.280 --> 01:11:29.280
Mmm.

1712
01:11:29.440 --> 01:11:32.193
But you really know
I was born in the Bronx

1713
01:11:32.280 --> 01:11:34.669
and my name was
Ramone Navarro,

1714
01:11:35.360 --> 01:11:38.716
who collected empty soda
bottles to get money to eat.

1715
01:11:40.160 --> 01:11:43.709
We are who the world thinks we
are and sometimes, we're not.

1716
01:11:44.240 --> 01:11:46.435
We decide who we are,

1717
01:11:46.520 --> 01:11:49.512
when we want and
who we want to know.

1718
01:11:51.600 --> 01:11:53.113
Or is it whom?

1719
01:11:54.400 --> 01:11:55.719
Are you done, Ramone?

1720
01:11:57.080 --> 01:11:58.479
Just doing my job,
to make sure

1721
01:11:58.560 --> 01:12:01.632
that nothing lowers
the kilowatts on that smile.

1722
01:12:02.600 --> 01:12:03.600
Hmm.

1723
01:12:05.600 --> 01:12:08.717
Oh, you're right, you're right,
that is the salad fork.

1724
01:12:18.520 --> 01:12:20.320
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ZACK: Hey, change of plan.

1725
01:12:20.360 --> 01:12:21.509
I got the call.

1726
01:12:21.600 --> 01:12:22.736
One of the girls
had to pull out.

1727
01:12:22.760 --> 01:12:25.228
She got a comedy
series for NBC.

1728
01:12:25.360 --> 01:12:26.918
It'll probably be canceled,
but anyway,

1729
01:12:27.000 --> 01:12:28.479
I'm in the final tonight.

1730
01:12:28.560 --> 01:12:29.629
Where are you?

1731
01:12:29.720 --> 01:12:31.073
I've got Katie.

1732
01:12:31.200 --> 01:12:32.269
She's fine.

1733
01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:34.000
Bye.

1734
01:12:34.120 --> 01:12:35.560
ANNOUNCER: <i>Good stuff.
Okay, next up.</i>

1735
01:12:35.640 --> 01:12:37.232
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1736
01:12:39.920 --> 01:12:42.115
Good night.

1737
01:12:44.760 --> 01:12:45.760
Oh...

1738
01:12:46.960 --> 01:12:48.871
I shouldn't be watching this.

1739
01:12:52.000 --> 01:12:53.149
Good night.

1740
01:12:53.600 --> 01:12:54.635
(SIGHS)

1741
01:12:55.440 --> 01:12:58.113
Good night.
Yeah, yeah, good night.

1742
01:13:01.800 --> 01:13:02.800
(SIGHS)

1743
01:13:08.960 --> 01:13:10.279
Good night.

1744
01:13:11.480 --> 01:13:12.480
(SQUEALS SOFTLY)

1745
01:13:16.000 --> 01:13:17.274
(CAR PASSES)
(DOOR OPENS)

1746
01:13:18.440 --> 01:13:19.440
(DOOR CLOSES)

1747
01:13:19.760 --> 01:13:20.760
I'm home.

1748
01:13:20.840 --> 01:13:22.193
Well, how...

1749
01:13:23.800 --> 01:13:25.074
Good night.

1750
01:13:26.120 --> 01:13:27.120
(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

1751
01:13:30.760 --> 01:13:32.591
You used to say good night.

1752
01:13:33.640 --> 01:13:36.473
It'd take you hours
to say good night, actually.

1753
01:13:37.840 --> 01:13:39.159
(SIGHS)

1754
01:13:39.480 --> 01:13:41.038
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1755
01:13:41.320 --> 01:13:43.515
ZACK: Hey, honey,
where are you?

1756
01:13:43.600 --> 01:13:45.079
I'm getting worried.

1757
01:13:45.520 --> 01:13:48.432
If you're thinking
of splitting, please don't.

1758
01:13:49.200 --> 01:13:52.510
Let's just keep loving
each other and Katie.

1759
01:13:55.320 --> 01:13:56.833
I don't want to marry you.

1760
01:13:57.240 --> 01:13:59.435
<i>I mean, I do
want to marry you,</i>

1761
01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:01.670
<i>but we don't
have to get married.</i>

1762
01:14:01.760 --> 01:14:03.955
<i>If you get this,
please come to the club.</i>

1763
01:14:04.040 --> 01:14:05.359
<i>I love you.</i>

1764
01:14:07.120 --> 01:14:08.120
(BEEPS)

1765
01:14:08.200 --> 01:14:10.589
ANNOUNCER: <i>This competition
is worth $5,000.</i>

1766
01:14:10.680 --> 01:14:13.797
Zack Zim, you're in
the finals, by default.

1767
01:14:13.880 --> 01:14:15.836
Good for you.
Aw...

1768
01:14:17.200 --> 01:14:20.237
That is the most adorable
baby I've ever seen.

1769
01:14:20.320 --> 01:14:22.240
Would you be able to watch
her while I do my set?

1770
01:14:22.280 --> 01:14:23.508
No.

1771
01:14:23.920 --> 01:14:26.354
<i>Welcome to the stage,
Zack Zim.</i>

1772
01:14:26.880 --> 01:14:29.016
Zack Zim, he's very...
Oh, that's you. (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1773
01:14:29.040 --> 01:14:30.632
All right, go on
out there, kid.

1774
01:14:30.720 --> 01:14:32.720
Come on, I'm rooting for you.
I'll be out in front.

1775
01:14:37.680 --> 01:14:39.557
<i>Uh...</i> (CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1776
01:14:39.640 --> 01:14:40.789
<i>Hello.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

1777
01:14:41.680 --> 01:14:42.680
<i>Um...</i>

1778
01:14:42.840 --> 01:14:44.319
<i>So, I'm Zack.</i>

1779
01:14:44.520 --> 01:14:46.556
<i>Uh, this is Katie.</i>

1780
01:14:47.400 --> 01:14:49.038
<i>Say hi.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1781
01:14:49.720 --> 01:14:51.312
<i>She's a bit shy.</i>

1782
01:14:52.200 --> 01:14:55.715
<i>I'll just say this from the get-go,
this wasn't planned.</i>

1783
01:14:56.760 --> 01:14:58.320
<i>Coming out here with
her wasn't planned,</i>

1784
01:14:58.400 --> 01:15:00.391
<i>not she wasn't planned,
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)</i>

1785
01:15:00.520 --> 01:15:03.239
<i>although to be fair,
you were a little bit of a surprise.</i>

1786
01:15:03.360 --> 01:15:04.395
<i>Didn't like that joke.</i>

1787
01:15:04.680 --> 01:15:05.908
(LAUGHTER)

1788
01:15:06.920 --> 01:15:07.920
<i>Uh...</i>

1789
01:15:09.240 --> 01:15:11.993
<i>So, does anyone in
here have a baby?</i>

1790
01:15:13.600 --> 01:15:15.511
<i>No, obviously you don't.</i>

1791
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:17.431
<i>You're here having a life.</i>

1792
01:15:17.560 --> 01:15:18.879
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BABY CRYING)

1793
01:15:19.000 --> 01:15:21.275
<i>No, don't cry, stop crying.</i>

1794
01:15:22.680 --> 01:15:24.113
<i>Five grand at stake.</i>

1795
01:15:25.400 --> 01:15:27.277
<i>Mate, would you mind
holding her for a sec?</i>

1796
01:15:28.520 --> 01:15:29.589
<i>What's your name, pal?</i>

1797
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:30.680
Tiny.

1798
01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:32.016
<i>Tiny, if you don't
mind me saying,</i>

1799
01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:34.270
<i>you look like you have
a very welcoming bosom.</i>

1800
01:15:35.240 --> 01:15:36.878
<i>May I rest my child on it?</i>

1801
01:15:36.960 --> 01:15:37.995
Sure.

1802
01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:39.096
<i>Just for a sec, thank you.</i>

1803
01:15:39.120 --> 01:15:40.235
(BABY WAILING)

1804
01:15:46.720 --> 01:15:47.789
(BABY STOPS CRYING)

1805
01:15:49.080 --> 01:15:50.274
(BABY COOING)

1806
01:15:51.280 --> 01:15:52.793
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1807
01:15:56.280 --> 01:16:00.034
<i>I mean, I don't know whether to be
pleased or just deeply offended.</i>

1808
01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:02.631
<i>How did you do that?</i>

1809
01:16:03.800 --> 01:16:05.870
I'm soft, like a couch.

1810
01:16:05.960 --> 01:16:08.155
<i>Please, will you
come and live with us?</i>

1811
01:16:08.240 --> 01:16:09.309
<i>I'm deadly serious.</i>

1812
01:16:09.440 --> 01:16:11.635
<i>I haven't slept in a year.</i>

1813
01:16:11.720 --> 01:16:12.789
<i>I'll take the couch.</i>

1814
01:16:12.920 --> 01:16:14.478
<i>My girlfriend's
very attractive.</i>

1815
01:16:14.640 --> 01:16:16.471
Can your girlfriend
take the couch?

1816
01:16:17.000 --> 01:16:18.558
<i>Oh, my girlfriend, yes.</i>

1817
01:16:18.640 --> 01:16:19.959
That's my sister.

1818
01:16:21.760 --> 01:16:25.230
<i>Hey, can everyone please give it
up for the world's biggest nanny?</i>

1819
01:16:25.360 --> 01:16:27.237
(APPLAUSE)
<i>Well done.</i>

1820
01:16:27.320 --> 01:16:29.072
Thank you.
I'll take her back.

1821
01:16:31.840 --> 01:16:32.840
Bye.

1822
01:16:34.160 --> 01:16:35.160
Thank you.
Call me.

1823
01:16:36.960 --> 01:16:38.279
Whoa.
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

1824
01:16:43.840 --> 01:16:46.718
<i>You know, being a dad
does change you.</i>

1825
01:16:46.800 --> 01:16:48.711
<i>I worry all the time.</i>

1826
01:16:48.800 --> 01:16:50.552
<i>Do I know when she's tired?</i>

1827
01:16:50.640 --> 01:16:52.198
<i>Not really.</i>

1828
01:16:52.280 --> 01:16:53.474
<i>When she's about to be sick?</i>

1829
01:16:54.120 --> 01:16:55.348
<i>Definitely not.</i>

1830
01:16:55.880 --> 01:16:58.348
<i>This is the last
good shirt that I own.</i>

1831
01:16:58.440 --> 01:16:59.440
(CROWD LAUGHING)

1832
01:17:00.880 --> 01:17:02.472
<i>But her mother knows,</i>

1833
01:17:02.560 --> 01:17:05.199
<i>because in every
atom of their body,</i>

1834
01:17:05.640 --> 01:17:09.792
<i>they know what's right for their
children and for their families.</i>

1835
01:17:11.560 --> 01:17:14.199
<i>Anyway, speaking of parents,
I better get this one back to hers.</i>

1836
01:17:14.320 --> 01:17:15.673
(LAUGHTER)

1837
01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:17.200
<i>Hey, guys,
thank you very much.</i>

1838
01:17:17.320 --> 01:17:19.390
<i>I've been Zack Zim,
and this has been Katie.</i>

1839
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:21.118
(APPLAUSE)

1840
01:17:23.760 --> 01:17:25.398
Aw, what a cute baby.

1841
01:17:25.480 --> 01:17:26.833
I love babies.

1842
01:17:26.920 --> 01:17:28.717
We can have one
if you want.

1843
01:17:29.080 --> 01:17:30.752
It's our first date.

1844
01:17:30.840 --> 01:17:32.956
So, what are you
doing tomorrow?

1845
01:17:33.120 --> 01:17:34.314
Shut up.

1846
01:17:34.600 --> 01:17:35.669
I was freaking out.

1847
01:17:35.760 --> 01:17:37.432
I thought you bailed.
Where were you?

1848
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:41.229
I'm sorry, you know, usual stuff,
meeting my real mom.

1849
01:17:41.320 --> 01:17:42.548
Your mom, what?

1850
01:17:42.640 --> 01:17:43.640
Yeah, it was awful.

1851
01:17:43.760 --> 01:17:44.760
Awful?

1852
01:17:44.840 --> 01:17:47.638
Just really made me appreciate
what I have. Totally.

1853
01:17:48.400 --> 01:17:50.072
You're the best.

1854
01:17:50.840 --> 01:17:53.149
ANNOUNCER: <i>We have
a unanimous winner.</i>

1855
01:17:53.720 --> 01:17:55.438
<i>Katie Zim.</i>

1856
01:17:56.400 --> 01:17:57.469
(APPLAUSE)

1857
01:17:57.560 --> 01:17:59.357
<i>Oh, and that guy
with her. Come on up.</i>

1858
01:17:59.440 --> 01:18:00.936
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait, wait, take her.

1859
01:18:00.960 --> 01:18:03.428
She won, you just
held her props, really.

1860
01:18:04.760 --> 01:18:05.896
So, wait, your actual mother?

1861
01:18:05.920 --> 01:18:08.115
Just go get it.
Go, go, go, go, go.

1862
01:18:08.600 --> 01:18:09.794
(CROWD WHOOPING)

1863
01:18:11.480 --> 01:18:12.708
<i>Congratulations!</i>

1864
01:18:14.040 --> 01:18:15.268
<i>Zack Zim!</i>

1865
01:18:16.160 --> 01:18:18.116
<i>Yeah, we each
got our babies.</i>

1866
01:18:18.200 --> 01:18:19.428
(COOING)

1867
01:18:28.120 --> 01:18:31.112
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day!

1868
01:18:31.600 --> 01:18:33.909
What? Oh, my God.

1869
01:18:34.000 --> 01:18:37.959
You guys...
You guys are the cutest.

1870
01:18:38.040 --> 01:18:40.600
The banana was my idea,
you know, to stay healthy.

1871
01:18:41.640 --> 01:18:43.039
(CHUCKLES) It's perfect.
I love it.

1872
01:18:43.120 --> 01:18:44.678
Are those M&M pancakes?

1873
01:18:44.760 --> 01:18:46.637
Yeah.
Oh, boy.

1874
01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:47.755
Open my gift.

1875
01:18:47.840 --> 01:18:49.239
Okay, okay, okay.

1876
01:18:50.280 --> 01:18:51.315
Why?

1877
01:18:54.600 --> 01:18:59.754
That's the coolest potato man ever,
period, end of story.

1878
01:19:01.640 --> 01:19:03.039
That's awesome.

1879
01:19:05.560 --> 01:19:07.710
"Thanks for all
that you do.

1880
01:19:07.800 --> 01:19:09.233
"We appreciate you.

1881
01:19:09.320 --> 01:19:11.311
"Happy Mother's Day, Tina."

1882
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:14.151
You gave her the
wrong gift, you dork.

1883
01:19:14.240 --> 01:19:15.639
Oops, sorry, Mom.

1884
01:19:15.720 --> 01:19:17.676
SANDY: Oh, that's okay.
That's okay.

1885
01:19:18.200 --> 01:19:19.679
I love you, Mom.

1886
01:19:20.320 --> 01:19:22.276
Thank you. I love you.
This one's for you.

1887
01:19:22.400 --> 01:19:24.675
Okay, okay.

1888
01:19:26.520 --> 01:19:28.715
This is better
than the first one.

1889
01:19:28.800 --> 01:19:29.915
It's even better.

1890
01:19:30.560 --> 01:19:31.560
That's sweet.

1891
01:19:31.920 --> 01:19:34.480
I love him.
Thank you so much.

1892
01:19:35.240 --> 01:19:36.389
This is for you.

1893
01:19:36.480 --> 01:19:37.674
Thanks, babe.

1894
01:19:37.760 --> 01:19:40.035
Did you get
a card for Tina, too?

1895
01:19:40.120 --> 01:19:42.350
Yeah, but a totally
different one.

1896
01:19:43.760 --> 01:19:45.796
I can throw Tina's
away if you want.

1897
01:19:48.280 --> 01:19:49.395
No.

1898
01:19:50.240 --> 01:19:52.117
No, no, no, no,
I don't want you to do that.

1899
01:19:52.480 --> 01:19:53.913
But you're so sad.

1900
01:19:58.680 --> 01:20:01.114
Oh, okay, listen, here,
take this over there for a second.

1901
01:20:01.200 --> 01:20:02.200
Get in here.

1902
01:20:02.560 --> 01:20:03.709
Get in here.

1903
01:20:04.760 --> 01:20:08.912
Vicky, Rachel,
where are you guys?

1904
01:20:10.360 --> 01:20:13.511
Come on, let's wake up,
have a little breakfast, huh?

1905
01:20:15.560 --> 01:20:19.155
Guys, don't make me
come up there.

1906
01:20:20.000 --> 01:20:21.479
It's too late.

1907
01:20:21.560 --> 01:20:23.915
Come on,
let's go, up and at 'em.

1908
01:20:25.320 --> 01:20:26.435
Hey.

1909
01:20:27.320 --> 01:20:29.276
Hey, Vicky!
(PHONE RINGING)

1910
01:20:29.720 --> 01:20:32.473
Rachel, where are you?

1911
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:35.456
Hey, Kimberly,
I can't talk right now.

1912
01:20:35.480 --> 01:20:36.696
I don't know
where my girls are.

1913
01:20:36.720 --> 01:20:38.278
KIMBERLY:
The girls are with me.

1914
01:20:38.360 --> 01:20:39.680
What are you
talking about, where?

1915
01:20:42.920 --> 01:20:46.595
I love you so much,

1916
01:20:46.840 --> 01:20:51.391
and, you know, it's just...
It's hard to share, you know?

1917
01:20:51.880 --> 01:20:54.792
Sort of like how you feel about your
LEGO pirate ship.

1918
01:20:54.880 --> 01:20:57.189
You know how you didn't
want anyone to touch it?

1919
01:20:57.720 --> 01:21:00.029
Yeah, well,
that's kind of how I feel.

1920
01:21:00.960 --> 01:21:02.678
But you remember
how good you felt

1921
01:21:02.760 --> 01:21:04.512
when you saw
how happy Nick was

1922
01:21:04.600 --> 01:21:08.115
when he was able to walk
Peg Leg down the plank?

1923
01:21:08.600 --> 01:21:09.669
Right?

1924
01:21:10.400 --> 01:21:13.870
Yeah, that's because it's really,
really good to share.

1925
01:21:13.960 --> 01:21:14.995
It's really good.

1926
01:21:17.160 --> 01:21:18.718
In fact, as I say this,
you know what,

1927
01:21:18.800 --> 01:21:23.316
I think I'm going to take you over to
Daddy's a little later on today, okay?

1928
01:21:24.240 --> 01:21:28.756
So you can give Tina
her awesome potato man.

1929
01:21:29.360 --> 01:21:31.112
You're really
going to share?

1930
01:21:31.240 --> 01:21:32.639
Yeah.

1931
01:21:32.880 --> 01:21:36.839
Yep, I'm going to
share, for an hour.

1932
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:39.592
An hour, maybe two.
I'll see how I feel.

1933
01:21:39.680 --> 01:21:40.720
How do you
feel about that?

1934
01:21:40.760 --> 01:21:42.159
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah?

1935
01:21:48.240 --> 01:21:50.296
MAX: We're gonna grab some lunch
and we'll see you at the parade.

1936
01:21:50.320 --> 01:21:51.753
Have fun.

1937
01:21:51.840 --> 01:21:52.989
Bye, Max.

1938
01:21:55.560 --> 01:21:57.278
Were you summoned, too?

1939
01:21:57.360 --> 01:21:59.828
Yep, just wondering if I'm
going to get an opportunity

1940
01:21:59.920 --> 01:22:01.512
to have a last meal.

1941
01:22:01.600 --> 01:22:03.113
(CHUCKLES) Doubtful.

1942
01:22:03.200 --> 01:22:06.192
I mean, they can't
ground us anymore, can they?

1943
01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:10.991
You lied to your mother.

1944
01:22:11.080 --> 01:22:13.913
Mom made me live
alone in college

1945
01:22:14.000 --> 01:22:16.120
'cause she didn't want me to
have a minority roommate.

1946
01:22:16.200 --> 01:22:17.816
Yeah, and she spanked me when
I said I wanted to dress up

1947
01:22:17.840 --> 01:22:18.909
like a guy for Halloween.

1948
01:22:19.000 --> 01:22:22.913
I didn't think Liberace was an
appropriate costume for a little girl.

1949
01:22:26.200 --> 01:22:27.336
PETER: Do they
know we're coming?

1950
01:22:27.360 --> 01:22:29.351
SANDY: Yeah,
I called Daddy earlier.

1951
01:22:34.400 --> 01:22:36.595
I'll pick you up tonight,
just before dinner, okay?

1952
01:22:36.720 --> 01:22:38.950
Bye, Mom.
Bye, I love you.

1953
01:22:39.600 --> 01:22:40.874
Have fun.

1954
01:22:52.040 --> 01:22:53.393
I'm so happy to see you.

1955
01:22:53.480 --> 01:22:54.549
Hi, hi.

1956
01:22:54.960 --> 01:22:56.279
What's that?

1957
01:22:56.400 --> 01:22:58.231
For me? Oh, my gosh.

1958
01:22:58.320 --> 01:23:00.470
A surprise.
Thank you so much.

1959
01:23:00.560 --> 01:23:01.879
(MOUTHING) Thank you.

1960
01:23:05.760 --> 01:23:07.512
Happy Mother's Day.

1961
01:23:24.800 --> 01:23:26.199
We love you.

1962
01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:32.035
(SOBBING)

1963
01:23:52.480 --> 01:23:55.392
<i>Russell, it's Jesse.</i>

1964
01:23:55.480 --> 01:23:57.596
<i>I'm leaving to go live
with my parents for a while</i>

1965
01:23:57.720 --> 01:24:00.029
<i>and I'm taking Tanner
with me. Bye.</i>

1966
01:24:00.120 --> 01:24:03.317
Wait, wait, wait,
hold on, hold on!

1967
01:24:03.440 --> 01:24:08.798
Hey, hold on, wait,
hold on, I'm coming!

1968
01:24:09.280 --> 01:24:12.716
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
stop, stop, stop, stop,

1969
01:24:12.800 --> 01:24:16.156
stop, wait, hold on, hold on,
wait a minute, let me in,

1970
01:24:17.040 --> 01:24:19.713
stop, stop, stop,
hold on, hold on!

1971
01:24:19.880 --> 01:24:21.393
Wait a minute!

1972
01:24:22.320 --> 01:24:23.320
Where's Tanner?

1973
01:24:23.400 --> 01:24:24.680
Relax, he's with
Max and Charlie.

1974
01:24:24.720 --> 01:24:25.789
Nice robe.

1975
01:24:26.520 --> 01:24:28.476
We just said it
to get you in here.

1976
01:24:29.160 --> 01:24:30.559
Oh, great, another lie.

1977
01:24:30.640 --> 01:24:33.029
Yeah, is this your
new thing now? Bye.

1978
01:24:33.160 --> 01:24:35.628
<i>Russell, we would
like to thank you for coming.</i>

1979
01:24:36.000 --> 01:24:38.355
Mom? You're in on this?

1980
01:24:38.480 --> 01:24:41.199
<i>Maybe if you would call me more often,
you would know me better.</i>

1981
01:24:41.320 --> 01:24:44.471
<i>Russell, I know I make jokes about Jesse,
but I love her.</i>

1982
01:24:44.600 --> 01:24:48.354
<i>So, Flo and I thought you two
should kiss and make up.</i>

1983
01:24:50.360 --> 01:24:53.079
No, no, because
she's a liar.

1984
01:24:53.160 --> 01:24:55.958
She's a lying,
lying liar, okay?

1985
01:24:56.040 --> 01:24:58.349
And besides,
scaring me to get me in here

1986
01:24:58.440 --> 01:25:00.954
is not a good way to start
a conversation, okay?

1987
01:25:01.040 --> 01:25:02.473
Have fun. I'm leaving.

1988
01:25:02.560 --> 01:25:04.198
Not unless you're
going to jump.

1989
01:25:05.400 --> 01:25:07.231
Dad, what are you doing?
Slow down!

1990
01:25:07.360 --> 01:25:08.509
Oh, come on.

1991
01:25:09.200 --> 01:25:10.428
GABI: Where are we going?

1992
01:25:10.520 --> 01:25:12.216
RUSSELL: All right,
this is crazy, all right?

1993
01:25:12.240 --> 01:25:13.656
She lied about everything.
You know what?

1994
01:25:13.680 --> 01:25:16.353
If I was your parents,
I would have been home by now.

1995
01:25:16.440 --> 01:25:20.228
If this sucker hadn't had all those
repairs, we would have been.

1996
01:25:20.520 --> 01:25:21.800
Actually,
that would be my fault.

1997
01:25:21.880 --> 01:25:22.880
How?

1998
01:25:22.960 --> 01:25:24.760
I kind of told Charlie
to mess with the engine

1999
01:25:24.800 --> 01:25:26.438
so Grandma and Grandpa
couldn't get home.

2000
01:25:26.520 --> 01:25:28.909
The flat tire was
just bad luck, or good.

2001
01:25:29.040 --> 01:25:30.439
You did that for us?

2002
01:25:30.800 --> 01:25:31.835
Forget that.

2003
01:25:31.920 --> 01:25:34.514
I'm impressed that he knew
so much about engines.

2004
01:25:34.600 --> 01:25:36.238
GABI: Yeah, he really does.

2005
01:25:37.720 --> 01:25:39.676
Honey, please forgive me.

2006
01:25:39.760 --> 01:25:42.479
I promise, I will never,
ever lie to you, ever again.

2007
01:25:42.560 --> 01:25:44.232
I just... I cross my heart.

2008
01:25:45.720 --> 01:25:47.438
You promise?
Promise.

2009
01:25:48.560 --> 01:25:50.039
Okay, I forgive you.
You do?

2010
01:25:50.120 --> 01:25:52.315
No, I'm lying.
You see how that feels?

2011
01:25:54.920 --> 01:25:58.151
Uh, sorry to interrupt your moment,
but this ain't good.

2012
01:25:58.240 --> 01:25:59.309
What?

2013
01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:02.517
The brakes are out and we're
going pretty damn fast.

2014
01:26:02.600 --> 01:26:04.716
I swear, Charlie did not
mess with the brakes.

2015
01:26:04.800 --> 01:26:06.640
EARL: No, no, I was
supposed to get them fixed,

2016
01:26:06.680 --> 01:26:09.752
but I took the money and I
spent it at the dog track!

2017
01:26:09.920 --> 01:26:11.876
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

2018
01:26:12.640 --> 01:26:13.960
RUSSELL: Look out
for the garbage.

2019
01:26:16.080 --> 01:26:18.514
<i>Hey, what is happening?</i>

2020
01:26:19.160 --> 01:26:20.639
<i>Where did everybody go?</i>

2021
01:26:21.080 --> 01:26:22.115
Jesse, stay down.

2022
01:26:22.280 --> 01:26:23.599
Stay under me!

2023
01:26:23.920 --> 01:26:25.558
Hey, that's Grandma's house.

2024
01:26:25.640 --> 01:26:27.392
So it is. Let's check it out.

2025
01:26:33.360 --> 01:26:36.079
They made a womb
float for Mother's Day?

2026
01:26:36.160 --> 01:26:38.879
I can't wait to see
what they do for Father's Day.

2027
01:26:44.000 --> 01:26:46.560
Hello, Marvin, you got
a two-vehicle pursuit.

2028
01:26:46.680 --> 01:26:51.435
One is an RV from Texas and the
other one is big and pink.

2029
01:26:51.680 --> 01:26:52.954
(SIREN BLARING)

2030
01:26:54.960 --> 01:26:56.279
Slow down!

2031
01:26:57.960 --> 01:27:00.349
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, we're in pursuit.

2032
01:27:00.680 --> 01:27:01.680
Whoa!

2033
01:27:08.360 --> 01:27:11.591
Earl, Jesse, Gabi,
I love you! Russell?

2034
01:27:11.680 --> 01:27:12.680
Yeah.

2035
01:27:12.960 --> 01:27:14.393
Nice to meet you.

2036
01:27:14.480 --> 01:27:16.118
We're going to
hit real hard.

2037
01:27:16.200 --> 01:27:17.235
No!

2038
01:27:19.720 --> 01:27:20.720
Huh?

2039
01:27:21.560 --> 01:27:26.156
Well, uh, that wasn't
so hard, now, was it?

2040
01:27:27.160 --> 01:27:28.479
Everybody all right?

2041
01:27:28.560 --> 01:27:29.800
RUSSELL: What
the hell happened?

2042
01:27:30.880 --> 01:27:33.189
Nothing. I lied.

2043
01:27:33.720 --> 01:27:35.073
The brakes were fixed.

2044
01:27:35.200 --> 01:27:39.318
The fear of death brings
everyone closer together.

2045
01:27:40.760 --> 01:27:43.718
Welcome, welcome to my family.

2046
01:27:44.240 --> 01:27:45.992
COP: Everybody
out of the vehicle.

2047
01:27:47.000 --> 01:27:48.115
Let's go.

2048
01:27:49.240 --> 01:27:51.037
Okay, we're coming. Hi.

2049
01:27:51.200 --> 01:27:52.428
Out of the vehicle.

2050
01:27:53.400 --> 01:27:55.197
Get your hands up
where we can see them.

2051
01:27:55.280 --> 01:27:56.554
You guys okay?

2052
01:27:56.680 --> 01:27:58.477
FLO: Hello, officers,
how are you doing?

2053
01:27:58.560 --> 01:27:59.696
GABI: Mom,
just put your hands up.

2054
01:27:59.720 --> 01:28:02.439
Spread your legs.

2055
01:28:03.240 --> 01:28:04.275
Anybody else?

2056
01:28:05.800 --> 01:28:07.358
Hi, it's just me.

2057
01:28:09.880 --> 01:28:11.108
Get on the ground.

2058
01:28:11.200 --> 01:28:12.713
On the ground!

2059
01:28:12.800 --> 01:28:14.233
Get on the ground!

2060
01:28:14.760 --> 01:28:16.352
On the ground!

2061
01:28:17.360 --> 01:28:19.954
Sir, that is my husband!

2062
01:28:20.040 --> 01:28:22.270
Officer, I don't
really appreciate

2063
01:28:22.400 --> 01:28:24.550
how you're treating
my son-in-law.

2064
01:28:25.640 --> 01:28:27.710
Wait, it's okay,
you guys, this is my doctor.

2065
01:28:27.800 --> 01:28:29.392
He fixed my knee.

2066
01:28:29.760 --> 01:28:30.988
Hi, Dr. Kohli.

2067
01:28:31.400 --> 01:28:32.549
Hey, Danielle.

2068
01:28:33.240 --> 01:28:34.912
Finally, somebody
stands up.

2069
01:28:35.080 --> 01:28:37.310
Oh, boy, you okay, Russell?

2070
01:28:37.400 --> 01:28:38.628
Yeah, I'm all right.
All right.

2071
01:28:38.720 --> 01:28:41.234
Well, I never thought I'd have
to say this in the line of duty,

2072
01:28:41.320 --> 01:28:44.596
but who's got the
registration for the vagina?

2073
01:28:44.720 --> 01:28:47.393
We do. But we already
missed the parade.

2074
01:28:47.480 --> 01:28:48.993
There's a parade
of vaginas?

2075
01:28:49.080 --> 01:28:50.433
Yup, there sure was.

2076
01:28:51.560 --> 01:28:53.152
EARL: Well, that's okay.

2077
01:28:53.240 --> 01:28:55.595
Now we can have
a real family picnic together.

2078
01:28:55.920 --> 01:28:57.990
Love you, too, Mom.
Happy Mother's Day.

2079
01:28:58.280 --> 01:28:59.599
Did she just kiss me?

2080
01:28:59.680 --> 01:29:01.896
GABI: We missed the parade,
but we're gonna have a picnic!

2081
01:29:01.920 --> 01:29:03.638
I'm proud of you, Earl.

2082
01:29:04.240 --> 01:29:05.958
Oh, thank you, Fluffy.

2083
01:29:11.400 --> 01:29:13.356
Thanks for
taking us, Kimberly.

2084
01:29:13.440 --> 01:29:14.668
Oh, and for brunch, too.

2085
01:29:14.760 --> 01:29:16.398
I bet my dad's
going to kill you.

2086
01:29:16.480 --> 01:29:18.232
Please, I can handle him.

2087
01:29:18.320 --> 01:29:20.072
I am a pole dancer.

2088
01:29:20.160 --> 01:29:21.752
Bring it on!

2089
01:29:28.440 --> 01:29:33.275
Wow. I think your daddy used his
veteran's discount at ProFlowers.

2090
01:29:34.000 --> 01:29:35.194
BRADLEY: Surprise!

2091
01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:39.910
Dad, what is all this?

2092
01:29:40.000 --> 01:29:42.594
Oh, this is everything they
had left at the flower shop.

2093
01:29:43.280 --> 01:29:45.316
Okay, but why is it here?

2094
01:29:45.480 --> 01:29:47.656
I thought it was about time we
started celebrating Mother's Day.

2095
01:29:47.680 --> 01:29:49.033
I better go
find my babies.

2096
01:29:50.000 --> 01:29:54.915
And for my first surprise, for the
youngest, Vicky, <i>voilà.</i>

2097
01:29:55.080 --> 01:29:56.229
Oh.
Whoa.

2098
01:29:56.680 --> 01:29:58.159
A karaoke machine!

2099
01:29:58.240 --> 01:29:59.719
That's right, yes.

2100
01:30:00.760 --> 01:30:02.671
Young lady,
that's for you.

2101
01:30:08.840 --> 01:30:11.991
But these are...
These are Mom's car keys.

2102
01:30:12.360 --> 01:30:14.555
Yeah, I sold the car anyway,

2103
01:30:14.640 --> 01:30:16.676
but figured you'd
want the keys.

2104
01:30:17.840 --> 01:30:19.512
Kidding, you get
the car, too.

2105
01:30:19.640 --> 01:30:21.870
Oh, my God, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2106
01:30:22.440 --> 01:30:23.919
You're very welcome.

2107
01:30:24.000 --> 01:30:25.069
Thank you.

2108
01:30:25.760 --> 01:30:28.149
(GASPS) Look at this place.
(LAUGHTER)

2109
01:30:28.440 --> 01:30:29.919
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2110
01:30:33.520 --> 01:30:34.520
Mmm.

2111
01:30:34.760 --> 01:30:36.796
Dad, did you invite him?

2112
01:30:36.880 --> 01:30:37.915
No.

2113
01:30:38.000 --> 01:30:41.231
No, I hired him
to run the punch bowl.

2114
01:30:41.320 --> 01:30:43.276
Okay.
Yeah.

2115
01:30:43.360 --> 01:30:45.510
I'm going to go
get some punch.

2116
01:30:45.600 --> 01:30:46.635
All right.

2117
01:30:50.240 --> 01:30:52.151
Hey.
Hey.

2118
01:30:52.240 --> 01:30:53.856
BRADLEY: Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

2119
01:30:53.880 --> 01:30:55.757
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.

2120
01:30:55.840 --> 01:30:57.239
I am. (CHUCKLES)
Thank you.

2121
01:30:57.560 --> 01:30:58.788
Hi.
Hey, neighbor.

2122
01:30:58.880 --> 01:31:00.359
Hey.
Hi, I'm Lexy.

2123
01:31:00.520 --> 01:31:01.635
Lexy.

2124
01:31:01.800 --> 01:31:04.678
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.

2125
01:31:04.760 --> 01:31:06.160
Um, yeah, well,
please help yourself

2126
01:31:06.200 --> 01:31:08.760
to the punch and smell
the flowers. Go nuts.

2127
01:31:08.840 --> 01:31:11.035
That's the sexy mom
we were telling you about.

2128
01:31:11.120 --> 01:31:12.872
Oh, that makes sense,
okay, yeah.

2129
01:31:12.960 --> 01:31:16.077
Well, that might be a little too
much for me right now, you know?

2130
01:31:16.160 --> 01:31:17.309
Fair enough.
Mmm-hmm.

2131
01:31:17.400 --> 01:31:18.680
I'm going to
keep trying, though.

2132
01:31:18.720 --> 01:31:20.392
No, please do.
That's a great start.

2133
01:31:20.480 --> 01:31:21.480
Hey.

2134
01:31:22.680 --> 01:31:23.680
Wow!

2135
01:31:23.760 --> 01:31:24.909
Do you know
what it is?

2136
01:31:25.040 --> 01:31:26.075
No.

2137
01:31:26.160 --> 01:31:27.593
It's a karaoke machine.

2138
01:31:27.680 --> 01:31:29.432
That's cool.
What's that button do?

2139
01:31:29.520 --> 01:31:31.476
That's an echo,
so it makes it sound like...

2140
01:31:31.560 --> 01:31:32.816
(MIMICKING MUSIC NOTES)
(CHUCKLES)

2141
01:31:32.840 --> 01:31:35.195
My God, you people
on steroids?

2142
01:31:35.920 --> 01:31:37.638
(PANTS)

2143
01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:39.159
Wait, hello, Tina?

2144
01:31:39.240 --> 01:31:40.936
<i>It's me. I really need your help right now.</i>
What?

2145
01:31:40.960 --> 01:31:42.976
<i>I don't know what to do.</i>
Wait, Tina, slow down. What's wrong?

2146
01:31:43.000 --> 01:31:44.592
<i>What's wrong?</i>
It's Mikey.

2147
01:31:44.720 --> 01:31:45.948
He can't breathe.

2148
01:31:46.040 --> 01:31:47.871
Okay, that's his asthma.

2149
01:31:47.960 --> 01:31:50.136
No, I know, Henry warned me
that it's bad this time of year

2150
01:31:50.160 --> 01:31:51.216
and there's a lot of ragweed.

2151
01:31:51.240 --> 01:31:53.037
Where's his inhaler?

2152
01:31:53.120 --> 01:31:55.475
It's here, but it's empty
and I can't find the backup.

2153
01:31:55.560 --> 01:31:56.560
Where's Henry?

2154
01:31:56.640 --> 01:31:58.471
He's at the store
and he's not answering.

2155
01:31:58.560 --> 01:32:00.869
All right, just take him
to the freezer.

2156
01:32:00.960 --> 01:32:01.995
<i>He's not hungry.</i>

2157
01:32:02.120 --> 01:32:03.120
I know he's not hungry.

2158
01:32:03.200 --> 01:32:05.296
It's just that breathing in the
cold air really helps him,

2159
01:32:05.320 --> 01:32:06.355
so just go, go, go, go.

2160
01:32:06.440 --> 01:32:08.096
<i>Let's go the freezer, okay?
You're going to be okay.</i>

2161
01:32:08.120 --> 01:32:11.112
You're going to be fine.
Yeah, just breathe this in. (GASPING)

2162
01:32:11.200 --> 01:32:12.872
Okay, all right.

2163
01:32:12.960 --> 01:32:14.837
Oh, my gosh,
Sandy, I am so scared.

2164
01:32:14.920 --> 01:32:15.920
I know, I know.

2165
01:32:16.000 --> 01:32:18.230
Listen, I keep a spare inhaler
in his backpack.

2166
01:32:18.800 --> 01:32:22.679
Okay, yep. I got it.
I'll put you on speaker.

2167
01:32:24.000 --> 01:32:25.069
Okay, where?

2168
01:32:25.160 --> 01:32:26.878
Okay. There are four pockets.

2169
01:32:26.960 --> 01:32:28.678
It's in the one
that has the rat on it.

2170
01:32:28.960 --> 01:32:30.320
TINA: There's no zipper
on the rat.

2171
01:32:30.720 --> 01:32:31.840
It's on the side of the rat!

2172
01:32:31.960 --> 01:32:33.791
SANDY: <i>It's on the side
of the rat, sorry.</i>

2173
01:32:35.120 --> 01:32:36.519
(MIKEY GROANS AND GASPS)

2174
01:32:36.760 --> 01:32:38.716
It's all right, I got you.

2175
01:32:38.800 --> 01:32:40.392
I got you.
Come here, buddy.

2176
01:32:40.480 --> 01:32:41.976
Here you go.
Come on, come on. I got you.

2177
01:32:42.000 --> 01:32:43.319
MIKEY: <i>I want Mommy.</i>

2178
01:32:43.400 --> 01:32:45.470
Okay, Mommy's coming, honey.
You're okay.

2179
01:32:45.600 --> 01:32:48.160
<i>Daddy's going to make
you feel all better, you know that.</i>

2180
01:32:48.680 --> 01:32:51.399
Okay, give him three puffs
and then give him three more

2181
01:32:51.480 --> 01:32:53.550
in 30 minutes if he needs it, okay?
(GASPING)

2182
01:32:55.440 --> 01:32:57.576
I don't like his color.
I'm going to take him to the ER.

2183
01:32:57.600 --> 01:32:59.800
All right, then go.
Just go, go and I'll meet you there.

2184
01:33:00.760 --> 01:33:01.875
Get his stuff.

2185
01:33:06.520 --> 01:33:08.511
BRADLEY: (ON MIKE)
<i>Hey, DJ, hit it.</i>

2186
01:33:08.640 --> 01:33:09.640
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2187
01:33:09.840 --> 01:33:11.159
<i>Here we go.</i>

2188
01:33:11.520 --> 01:33:12.794
<i>All right!
Stop whatcha doin'</i>

2189
01:33:12.880 --> 01:33:13.949
<i>'Cause I'm
about to ruin</i>

2190
01:33:14.040 --> 01:33:15.917
<i>The image and the
style that ya used to</i>

2191
01:33:16.000 --> 01:33:17.353
<i>I look funny, right?</i>

2192
01:33:17.440 --> 01:33:18.953
<i>But, yo, I'm makin '
money, see?</i>

2193
01:33:19.040 --> 01:33:20.712
<i>So, yo world I hope
you're ready for me</i>

2194
01:33:20.800 --> 01:33:23.394
<i>My name is Humpty
Pronounced with a "umpty"</i>

2195
01:33:23.480 --> 01:33:26.597
<i>Yo, moms Oh, how I
like to love thee</i>

2196
01:33:26.680 --> 01:33:28.432
<i>And all the fathers
in the Top 10</i>

2197
01:33:28.520 --> 01:33:30.112
<i>Please allow me
to bump thee</i>

2198
01:33:30.200 --> 01:33:32.714
<i>I'm steppin ' tall, y'all
And just like Humpty Dumpty</i>

2199
01:33:32.800 --> 01:33:35.109
<i>You're gonna fall
when the stereos pump me</i>

2200
01:33:35.200 --> 01:33:37.111
<i>I'm still rockin '
these pink pants</i>

2201
01:33:37.200 --> 01:33:38.792
<i>And I even got
my own dance</i>

2202
01:33:38.880 --> 01:33:41.792
<i>The Humpty Dance is your
chance to do the hump</i>

2203
01:33:41.880 --> 01:33:43.279
<i>That's right, folks,
help me out.</i>

2204
01:33:43.840 --> 01:33:45.956
<i>Do me, baby!</i>
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2205
01:33:46.040 --> 01:33:49.032
Girls, get up here.
Dance with your old man. Come on.

2206
01:33:49.880 --> 01:33:50.949
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2207
01:33:51.040 --> 01:33:54.191
<i>Watch me do the Humpty hump
Yeah, yeah. Uh!</i>

2208
01:33:54.280 --> 01:33:55.793
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2209
01:33:56.520 --> 01:33:57.520
Watch me...
(ALL GASPING)

2210
01:33:58.560 --> 01:34:00.152
WOMAN: Where'd he go?
(BRADLEY GROANS)

2211
01:34:00.440 --> 01:34:01.440
Dad!

2212
01:34:01.560 --> 01:34:02.834
Are you okay, Dad?
(ALL GASPING)

2213
01:34:02.920 --> 01:34:04.120
BRADLEY: Yeah,
I'm okay, Vicky.

2214
01:34:04.200 --> 01:34:05.758
Rachel, how does my leg look?

2215
01:34:05.840 --> 01:34:06.875
Great, Dad.

2216
01:34:06.960 --> 01:34:07.995
What about my right leg?

2217
01:34:08.120 --> 01:34:09.439
RACHEL: Someone call 911.

2218
01:34:09.520 --> 01:34:11.431
See what happens when
you let white boys rap?

2219
01:34:12.560 --> 01:34:13.754
<i>There you go, folks.</i>

2220
01:34:13.880 --> 01:34:14.995
<i>Happy Mother's Day.</i>

2221
01:34:17.880 --> 01:34:19.950
RACHEL: Don't move, Dad.
I'm coming down.

2222
01:34:20.480 --> 01:34:23.552
BRADLEY: Rach, it might be time to
practice driving to the hospital.

2223
01:34:24.520 --> 01:34:26.158
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2224
01:34:28.080 --> 01:34:29.080
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

2225
01:34:29.400 --> 01:34:30.435
Got it.

2226
01:34:32.960 --> 01:34:34.632
I hope it's
okay that I'm here.

2227
01:34:35.960 --> 01:34:38.520
I knew it was you
the moment I saw you.

2228
01:34:42.040 --> 01:34:43.189
(INHALES SHARPLY)

2229
01:34:43.320 --> 01:34:45.914
We were 16 and in love.

2230
01:34:47.080 --> 01:34:48.354
What, puppy love?
(CHUCKLES)

2231
01:34:48.440 --> 01:34:51.637
No, true love, epic,

2232
01:34:51.720 --> 01:34:55.952
"plan your whole life
around it" kind of love,

2233
01:34:56.040 --> 01:34:57.598
and then there was you.

2234
01:34:58.800 --> 01:35:01.633
His family moved to another city
the day we gave them the news

2235
01:35:01.720 --> 01:35:05.633
and my parents pulled me
out of school for a year.

2236
01:35:05.760 --> 01:35:08.672
My mother never really
looked at me the same again.

2237
01:35:10.800 --> 01:35:12.950
Forever disappointed,
I think.

2238
01:35:17.240 --> 01:35:18.639
It was never
even a consideration

2239
01:35:18.720 --> 01:35:20.096
if I would get to
keep you, actually.

2240
01:35:20.120 --> 01:35:23.795
She said she found a nice
family that lived in Hawaii.

2241
01:35:25.000 --> 01:35:27.878
They weren't nice.
They were wonderful.

2242
01:35:27.960 --> 01:35:29.632
I know they've passed.
I'm sorry.

2243
01:35:31.320 --> 01:35:34.312
My parents are gone, too.

2244
01:35:34.400 --> 01:35:37.790
It's just you and me.

2245
01:35:41.520 --> 01:35:44.796
Part of the deal
was that they would

2246
01:35:44.880 --> 01:35:48.668
send me a picture
of you every year

2247
01:35:48.760 --> 01:35:55.518
(VOICE BREAKING) so that I could
just see that you were okay.

2248
01:35:57.480 --> 01:35:58.913
(SCOFFS LIGHTLY)

2249
01:36:00.760 --> 01:36:02.557
KRISTIN: (SOFTLY)
Wow. What?

2250
01:36:06.600 --> 01:36:07.874
(KRISTIN CHUCKLES)

2251
01:36:17.640 --> 01:36:19.119
I don't understand.

2252
01:36:20.680 --> 01:36:22.033
Why didn't you
ever contact me?

2253
01:36:26.880 --> 01:36:28.518
That was the other
part of the deal.

2254
01:36:33.040 --> 01:36:38.034
So, I lost my
true love and you,

2255
01:36:38.120 --> 01:36:41.510
and I didn't want
to replace that,

2256
01:36:41.600 --> 01:36:47.516
(CLEARS THROAT) so I went for a
career and that is what I have.

2257
01:36:50.600 --> 01:36:51.600
(KATIE CRYING)

2258
01:36:51.920 --> 01:36:53.069
What is that?

2259
01:36:53.960 --> 01:36:55.712
That's your granddaughter.

2260
01:36:58.280 --> 01:36:59.759
That's my
boyfriend, Zack.

2261
01:37:01.800 --> 01:37:05.918
Katie, I want you to
meet someone special.

2262
01:37:06.000 --> 01:37:07.592
This is Katie.

2263
01:37:07.680 --> 01:37:11.878
(GASPS) Katie, do you
want to meet someone?

2264
01:37:13.240 --> 01:37:14.309
Yes.

2265
01:37:19.680 --> 01:37:22.240
That's your grandma.

2266
01:37:23.080 --> 01:37:24.149
Hello.

2267
01:37:24.720 --> 01:37:25.720
(CHUCKLES)

2268
01:37:26.680 --> 01:37:27.680
(LAUGHS)

2269
01:37:32.320 --> 01:37:35.039
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

2270
01:37:37.960 --> 01:37:39.313
(PANTS)

2271
01:37:39.640 --> 01:37:41.278
Hey, how is he?
He's good.

2272
01:37:41.400 --> 01:37:43.120
He's back to his normal self.
Oh, thank God.

2273
01:37:43.160 --> 01:37:45.176
They're supposed to be bringing him out.
I'm going to go check.

2274
01:37:45.200 --> 01:37:47.077
Thank God. Oh, good.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PA)

2275
01:37:47.280 --> 01:37:48.349
Hi.

2276
01:37:48.920 --> 01:37:50.558
Hi. You okay?
Hi.

2277
01:37:50.640 --> 01:37:51.959
Yes.

2278
01:37:52.040 --> 01:37:54.998
Sandy, I am so sorry.
Yeah.

2279
01:37:55.080 --> 01:37:56.456
I don't know what
happened to his inhaler.

2280
01:37:56.480 --> 01:37:57.993
That's why we have
a backup.

2281
01:37:58.200 --> 01:38:00.031
Your middle name
is now backup.

2282
01:38:00.120 --> 01:38:02.714
Okay. I just...
I really panicked.

2283
01:38:02.800 --> 01:38:03.800
I know.

2284
01:38:03.880 --> 01:38:05.199
How do you
stay so calm?

2285
01:38:05.280 --> 01:38:09.751
Well, Tina, it just
takes time.

2286
01:38:09.840 --> 01:38:11.990
It's time.
I mean, Peter's...

2287
01:38:12.080 --> 01:38:13.559
Thirteen.
How old?

2288
01:38:13.640 --> 01:38:14.640
How old are you?
Thirteen.

2289
01:38:14.720 --> 01:38:17.154
Thirteen. It takes
13 years, you know?

2290
01:38:17.240 --> 01:38:18.958
So, just give
yourself a break.

2291
01:38:19.080 --> 01:38:21.120
Otherwise, you're going
to really wear yourself down

2292
01:38:21.200 --> 01:38:22.872
and it's going to
piss me off.

2293
01:38:23.040 --> 01:38:24.758
Make that one of your rules.
That's good.

2294
01:38:25.320 --> 01:38:27.515
Whose child is this?

2295
01:38:27.600 --> 01:38:29.033
Mommy!

2296
01:38:29.120 --> 01:38:31.793
Oh, baby, hi.

2297
01:38:31.880 --> 01:38:34.474
Mommy, can I have
some candy, please? Oh...

2298
01:38:34.600 --> 01:38:36.750
Sly move.

2299
01:38:36.840 --> 01:38:38.717
I told you
you'd be okay.

2300
01:38:38.800 --> 01:38:42.873
All right, I'm going to get you some
candy and maybe one for myself.

2301
01:38:42.960 --> 01:38:44.376
Hold this, please.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

2302
01:38:44.400 --> 01:38:46.197
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON PA CONTINUES)

2303
01:38:48.440 --> 01:38:51.238
<i>Now, since it's Mother's Day
and I am a mother,</i>

2304
01:38:51.480 --> 01:38:55.234
<i>I'd like to introduce a very special guest,
my daughter, Kristin.</i>

2305
01:38:57.800 --> 01:39:01.156
<i>She has something very special
she would like to say.</i>

2306
01:39:09.160 --> 01:39:13.517
<i>Father of my child,
light of my life,</i>

2307
01:39:16.200 --> 01:39:18.998
<i>Zack, will you marry me?</i>

2308
01:39:19.080 --> 01:39:21.753
<i>And because I made
you wait so long,</i>

2309
01:39:21.840 --> 01:39:25.037
<i>I'd like to do it today,
while my mother's still here.</i>

2310
01:39:29.000 --> 01:39:32.709
Well, will you?

2311
01:39:33.880 --> 01:39:34.880
Wha...

2312
01:39:35.360 --> 01:39:36.360
Uh...

2313
01:39:36.440 --> 01:39:37.919
The show's pre-taped.

2314
01:39:42.600 --> 01:39:43.953
Will you?

2315
01:39:44.920 --> 01:39:46.990
Well, you know,

2316
01:39:47.080 --> 01:39:49.389
I'm going to have
to think it over.

2317
01:39:49.960 --> 01:39:50.960
Hmm.

2318
01:39:52.000 --> 01:39:53.877
Okay, I did.

2319
01:39:53.960 --> 01:39:55.632
Yes.

2320
01:39:55.760 --> 01:39:57.273
I love you.
I love you, too.

2321
01:40:02.160 --> 01:40:03.160
Oh...

2322
01:40:03.760 --> 01:40:05.512
Oh, I think it's time.

2323
01:40:06.200 --> 01:40:07.599
MAN: Gotta go.
Oh...

2324
01:40:07.760 --> 01:40:09.955
Where's my purse?
Where are the keys?

2325
01:40:10.040 --> 01:40:11.439
KRISTIN: Good luck, you guys.

2326
01:40:11.520 --> 01:40:14.398
Time for a wedding.
Where's Shorty? Shorty?

2327
01:40:14.480 --> 01:40:15.708
Me.

2328
01:40:15.800 --> 01:40:17.438
You're Shorty?
Yeah.

2329
01:40:17.520 --> 01:40:18.589
Should have guessed.

2330
01:40:18.680 --> 01:40:20.716
Okay, listen,
Miranda wants to throw

2331
01:40:20.800 --> 01:40:23.268
a big expensive wedding
at the best hotel,

2332
01:40:23.360 --> 01:40:25.078
but Kristin wants
to get married here

2333
01:40:25.160 --> 01:40:26.456
because that's
where they first met.

2334
01:40:26.480 --> 01:40:29.040
Great, and we'll do our best
to make it expensive.

2335
01:40:29.120 --> 01:40:30.155
Well, thank you for that.

2336
01:40:30.280 --> 01:40:31.576
SHORTY: Who's going to
perform the ceremony?

2337
01:40:31.600 --> 01:40:32.635
I'm officiating.

2338
01:40:32.760 --> 01:40:34.034
You got a license?

2339
01:40:34.120 --> 01:40:36.350
Of course, from
the online church of Idaho.

2340
01:40:36.440 --> 01:40:37.759
Can we do this now?

2341
01:40:39.440 --> 01:40:41.271
Wow. We're gonna make a buck.

2342
01:40:41.560 --> 01:40:44.438
NURSE: (ON PA) <i>Paging
Dr. Freeman and Dr. Sheehan.</i>

2343
01:40:44.520 --> 01:40:47.432
<i>Please report to
the nurse's station.</i>

2344
01:40:48.280 --> 01:40:49.918
(EXHALES)

2345
01:40:50.000 --> 01:40:51.638
(MACHINE BEEPS)

2346
01:40:53.080 --> 01:40:54.080
(WHIRRS)

2347
01:40:57.800 --> 01:40:59.119
Come on.

2348
01:41:00.840 --> 01:41:02.637
Are you kidding me?

2349
01:41:02.960 --> 01:41:04.996
This is what's going
to happen today?

2350
01:41:06.160 --> 01:41:07.160
(SIGHS)

2351
01:41:07.680 --> 01:41:09.432
All right, okay.

2352
01:41:13.720 --> 01:41:16.188
(GRUNTS) God!
Oh, no, no, no, no.

2353
01:41:18.280 --> 01:41:19.280
Oh, God.

2354
01:41:19.640 --> 01:41:20.640
(GROANS)

2355
01:41:22.400 --> 01:41:23.992
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2356
01:41:25.880 --> 01:41:27.074
(GRUNTING)

2357
01:41:27.160 --> 01:41:28.160
Whoa.

2358
01:41:29.360 --> 01:41:31.216
BRADLEY: You know what?
Guys, let's go this way.

2359
01:41:31.240 --> 01:41:33.320
Let's not get involved.
Come on, here we go. (GRUNTS)

2360
01:41:33.360 --> 01:41:34.429
Oh...

2361
01:41:34.520 --> 01:41:36.158
Hey, tampon man.

2362
01:41:37.480 --> 01:41:38.754
SANDY: Right?
Remember at the...

2363
01:41:38.840 --> 01:41:40.193
Hey.
Hi.

2364
01:41:40.480 --> 01:41:41.879
Hi there.
Um...

2365
01:41:42.040 --> 01:41:43.598
We were...
Yes.

2366
01:41:43.680 --> 01:41:45.033
Yeah, of course, hi.

2367
01:41:45.240 --> 01:41:46.798
It's actually Bradley.

2368
01:41:47.000 --> 01:41:48.194
Oh, Bradley.
Yeah.

2369
01:41:48.320 --> 01:41:50.496
These are my daughters.
This is Rachel, and this is Vicky.

2370
01:41:50.520 --> 01:41:51.520
RACHEL: Hi.
Hi.

2371
01:41:51.680 --> 01:41:52.795
BRADLEY: This is...
Sandy.

2372
01:41:53.080 --> 01:41:55.071
With two sons.
Yes, that's right.

2373
01:41:55.160 --> 01:41:57.116
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Um...

2374
01:41:57.240 --> 01:41:58.673
You all right?
You know what? No.

2375
01:41:58.880 --> 01:42:01.110
(CHUCKLES) I'm kind of in
a little bit of a situation.

2376
01:42:01.280 --> 01:42:02.508
Okay. I got you.
It's so silly.

2377
01:42:02.720 --> 01:42:04.039
Girls, do me a favor,

2378
01:42:04.160 --> 01:42:05.256
why don't you run
and go find and see

2379
01:42:05.280 --> 01:42:06.508
if someone has
a key for this?

2380
01:42:06.720 --> 01:42:08.790
There's, like, a security
guard up front I'm sure.

2381
01:42:08.880 --> 01:42:09.880
(MUMBLING)

2382
01:42:10.200 --> 01:42:12.350
It probably looks
kind of suspicious.

2383
01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:15.593
Are you wondering
how I got into

2384
01:42:15.680 --> 01:42:17.079
this predicament?
Mmm.

2385
01:42:17.200 --> 01:42:18.200
No, I'm not really.

2386
01:42:18.720 --> 01:42:20.296
You see what happens every time...
Uh-huh.

2387
01:42:20.320 --> 01:42:22.016
...I try to get up?
It's caught on something.

2388
01:42:22.040 --> 01:42:23.376
It's not coming down
any further, all right,

2389
01:42:23.400 --> 01:42:25.038
well, let me see
what I can do there.

2390
01:42:25.200 --> 01:42:26.776
Pull your wrist over this way.
Ow! Careful.

2391
01:42:26.800 --> 01:42:27.800
What?

2392
01:42:27.880 --> 01:42:30.075
It's a Miranda Collins
bracelet, just, you know. Oh...

2393
01:42:30.240 --> 01:42:31.468
(GRUNTS)

2394
01:42:32.520 --> 01:42:34.351
What did you do
to your leg?

2395
01:42:34.440 --> 01:42:36.032
(STUTTERS)

2396
01:42:36.160 --> 01:42:40.039
Another hip-hop-related
casualty is all.

2397
01:42:40.280 --> 01:42:41.554
Hip hop?
Yeah. What about you?

2398
01:42:41.800 --> 01:42:42.880
Why are you here?
Are you in

2399
01:42:42.920 --> 01:42:44.319
the psychiatric wing?
(LAUGHS)

2400
01:42:44.880 --> 01:42:48.111
No. My son had
an asthma attack.

2401
01:42:48.560 --> 01:42:50.869
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Is he okay?

2402
01:42:51.040 --> 01:42:54.555
Yeah, he's all back to normal,
so I'm getting him this candy.

2403
01:42:54.640 --> 01:42:55.755
I got you, we'll get it.

2404
01:42:56.000 --> 01:42:57.056
SANDY: Oh, bend it, bend it.

2405
01:42:57.080 --> 01:42:58.256
BRADLEY: Here, I'm going to
pull it down. There.

2406
01:42:58.280 --> 01:42:59.349
(CLICKS)
Ow...

2407
01:42:59.440 --> 01:43:00.839
Whoa. Awesome.
Ta-da.

2408
01:43:01.080 --> 01:43:02.195
Wait.
You're free.

2409
01:43:02.320 --> 01:43:03.355
Get that thing
down here.

2410
01:43:03.440 --> 01:43:05.078
This thing?
Get that Skittle.

2411
01:43:05.160 --> 01:43:06.680
That's why I did it
in the first place.

2412
01:43:06.760 --> 01:43:08.273
Don't. This is
what's going to happen.

2413
01:43:10.160 --> 01:43:11.195
(YELLS)

2414
01:43:11.280 --> 01:43:13.032
Hey, all right.
Yeah.

2415
01:43:13.200 --> 01:43:14.599
That's amazing.
Nicely done.

2416
01:43:14.760 --> 01:43:15.760
Get it.

2417
01:43:16.120 --> 01:43:18.190
Wait. Oh, you know what,
while we're in here...

2418
01:43:19.640 --> 01:43:21.153
Okay, but if anybody
catches us,

2419
01:43:21.280 --> 01:43:23.080
we'll say you're stealing
candy for sick kids.

2420
01:43:23.120 --> 01:43:24.678
Thank you so much.
Yeah.

2421
01:43:25.040 --> 01:43:26.314
I owe you one.

2422
01:43:26.440 --> 01:43:27.793
No, random act of kindness.

2423
01:43:28.000 --> 01:43:29.040
Well, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2424
01:43:29.120 --> 01:43:30.599
Do you need a ride?

2425
01:43:30.800 --> 01:43:32.199
No, we have a car.

2426
01:43:32.320 --> 01:43:34.197
Yeah. Of course, of course.
Yeah.

2427
01:43:34.280 --> 01:43:35.554
And I...
(CHUCKLES)

2428
01:43:35.640 --> 01:43:37.198
What am I thinking?
I've got my kids,

2429
01:43:37.320 --> 01:43:39.470
my ex-husband, his new wife.
Oh...

2430
01:43:39.720 --> 01:43:40.948
It's a carful.
Wow.

2431
01:43:41.040 --> 01:43:43.110
Yeah, I'm divorced, too.

2432
01:43:45.120 --> 01:43:46.120
Oh, um...

2433
01:43:46.440 --> 01:43:50.956
Actually, my wife
passed away, so...

2434
01:43:51.320 --> 01:43:52.320
Oh...

2435
01:43:52.920 --> 01:43:55.275
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

2436
01:43:56.480 --> 01:43:58.550
Oh, that must make today so hard.
It's okay.

2437
01:43:58.800 --> 01:44:00.756
It's starting to be okay.

2438
01:44:01.160 --> 01:44:02.195
(CHUCKLES)

2439
01:44:02.280 --> 01:44:03.280
Thank you.

2440
01:44:03.480 --> 01:44:05.016
Dad, we looked everywhere.
We couldn't...

2441
01:44:05.040 --> 01:44:06.320
No, no, no.
We're good, actually.

2442
01:44:06.480 --> 01:44:07.833
She's free.
BRADLEY: Free.

2443
01:44:08.080 --> 01:44:09.798
Emancipated.
Yeah. We're good. Yup.

2444
01:44:09.880 --> 01:44:10.995
(LAUGHS)

2445
01:44:11.480 --> 01:44:13.152
Yeah. Um...
So...

2446
01:44:13.760 --> 01:44:16.797
Well, hey, I will see
you around, I guess.

2447
01:44:17.080 --> 01:44:18.308
That would be nice.

2448
01:44:18.520 --> 01:44:20.080
RACHEL: Wait, my dad
owns a fitness gym.

2449
01:44:20.280 --> 01:44:22.120
Give her your card.
You should totally stop by,

2450
01:44:22.200 --> 01:44:25.033
you know, try a yoga class
or pole dancing even. Mmm.

2451
01:44:25.360 --> 01:44:26.998
It helps you get in
touch with your body.

2452
01:44:27.480 --> 01:44:28.993
Mmm-hmm.
I've heard.

2453
01:44:29.120 --> 01:44:31.190
(GASPS)
This is my gym.

2454
01:44:31.480 --> 01:44:32.595
It is?

2455
01:44:32.760 --> 01:44:34.159
I go to this gym.

2456
01:44:34.280 --> 01:44:35.280
What?

2457
01:44:35.360 --> 01:44:37.157
I just signed up,
like, a couple weeks ago.

2458
01:44:37.360 --> 01:44:38.679
How have I not
seen you?

2459
01:44:38.800 --> 01:44:39.869
I've never seen you there.

2460
01:44:40.000 --> 01:44:41.536
I know, how have I
never seen you there?

2461
01:44:41.560 --> 01:44:43.160
That's weird.
(WHISPERS) That's so weird.

2462
01:44:43.520 --> 01:44:47.672
All right, well, great,
so maybe I'll see you there sometime.

2463
01:44:48.120 --> 01:44:49.838
Thanks.
Yeah, thank you.

2464
01:44:50.360 --> 01:44:52.351
JESSE: Go here.
FLO: Like that? No, this?

2465
01:44:52.520 --> 01:44:53.520
JESSE: Go up.

2466
01:44:54.360 --> 01:44:56.271
Oh, no, that's terrible.
I love it.

2467
01:44:56.360 --> 01:44:57.839
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

2468
01:44:58.040 --> 01:44:59.216
RUSSELL: All right.
Let's eat, guys.

2469
01:44:59.240 --> 01:45:00.275
Let's eat, Mom.

2470
01:45:00.640 --> 01:45:02.198
Mom!
Whoa!

2471
01:45:03.160 --> 01:45:04.656
Mom, you didn't tell
me you were coming.

2472
01:45:04.680 --> 01:45:06.033
Surprise.
(LAUGHS) Oh.

2473
01:45:06.320 --> 01:45:07.878
I didn't know
you were coming.

2474
01:45:07.960 --> 01:45:09.951
<i>Beta,</i> I need money to
tip the Ubber driver.

2475
01:45:10.320 --> 01:45:11.320
Okay, it's Uber.

2476
01:45:12.080 --> 01:45:13.195
I came to see you.

2477
01:45:13.280 --> 01:45:15.475
How did you know
we were even here?

2478
01:45:15.560 --> 01:45:16.675
I'm a mother.
Mmm...

2479
01:45:16.760 --> 01:45:19.479
Flo, it's so good to see you.
Oh, my goodness.

2480
01:45:19.560 --> 01:45:20.754
We did it.

2481
01:45:21.360 --> 01:45:22.509
(LAUGHTER)

2482
01:45:23.520 --> 01:45:24.520
Okay.

2483
01:45:26.160 --> 01:45:27.354
Oh. Oh!

2484
01:45:27.440 --> 01:45:29.158
Wow! You look
really nice.

2485
01:45:29.440 --> 01:45:31.112
Are you ready?

2486
01:45:31.200 --> 01:45:32.872
I am ready.

2487
01:45:34.080 --> 01:45:38.039
Oh, but, um, I think
I'll need someone to hold Katie.

2488
01:45:41.920 --> 01:45:43.353
It would be my honor.

2489
01:45:45.200 --> 01:45:46.200
(CHUCKLES)

2490
01:45:46.240 --> 01:45:47.912
Okay, you ready?

2491
01:45:48.000 --> 01:45:49.069
Come to Grandma.

2492
01:45:49.440 --> 01:45:51.510
Oh.
Ooh, sticky.

2493
01:45:51.600 --> 01:45:52.936
(CHUCKLES) They're always sticky.
Ugh.

2494
01:45:52.960 --> 01:45:54.313
I mean...
(CHUCKLES)

2495
01:45:54.680 --> 01:45:56.033
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)

2496
01:45:56.200 --> 01:45:57.758
All right,
there we go.

2497
01:45:58.880 --> 01:45:59.880
(SIGHS)

2498
01:46:00.200 --> 01:46:01.200
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

2499
01:46:01.280 --> 01:46:02.713
A little higher.
Don't drop her.

2500
01:46:02.800 --> 01:46:04.392
Little bit higher.
Yup, perfect. Got it.

2501
01:46:04.480 --> 01:46:06.516
Got it.
(SOFTLY) Okay.

2502
01:46:06.600 --> 01:46:08.113
Should we start
without you?

2503
01:46:08.280 --> 01:46:10.840
Oh, no, we're good to go.
Thanks, Dominic.

2504
01:46:10.960 --> 01:46:12.791
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Okay.

2505
01:46:15.360 --> 01:46:17.396
All right, let's go.

2506
01:46:17.480 --> 01:46:18.480
(CHUCKLES)

2507
01:46:20.040 --> 01:46:22.110
Ma, how long
are you staying?

2508
01:46:22.680 --> 01:46:23.954
We'll see.

2509
01:46:24.040 --> 01:46:26.156
FLOO: Earl and I may
stay awhile, too.

2510
01:46:26.240 --> 01:46:27.559
They have a big house.
(EXHALES)

2511
01:46:28.720 --> 01:46:30.836
Sorry that took so long.
Here, honey.

2512
01:46:30.920 --> 01:46:34.356
Just let me finish these release
papers and you'll be on your way.

2513
01:46:34.800 --> 01:46:36.552
HENRY: Thanks, you've
been very helpful.

2514
01:46:37.640 --> 01:46:39.949
(BOTH SIGHING)

2515
01:46:40.240 --> 01:46:42.754
Well, that was one of our
more eventful Mother's Days.

2516
01:46:42.840 --> 01:46:46.515
I mean, to be honest,
I really prefer the really boring, sweet,

2517
01:46:46.600 --> 01:46:49.160
burnt pancakes in bed,
you know what I mean?

2518
01:46:49.920 --> 01:46:51.239
I'm sorry about yesterday.

2519
01:46:54.240 --> 01:46:55.798
That party was
really stupid.

2520
01:46:56.040 --> 01:46:57.280
I can't believe
you had a llama.

2521
01:46:57.320 --> 01:46:58.480
I can't believe
I had a llama.

2522
01:46:58.520 --> 01:46:59.669
And an alpaca.

2523
01:46:59.880 --> 01:47:03.668
(CHUCKLES) Hey, kids, what do you say
we go to IHOP for dinner?

2524
01:47:03.840 --> 01:47:05.068
Yeah!
Breakfast for dinner.

2525
01:47:05.240 --> 01:47:06.309
Yeah.

2526
01:47:06.440 --> 01:47:08.296
Your mom and I just have to
wait for this paperwork.

2527
01:47:08.320 --> 01:47:09.799
We'll be a few minutes.

2528
01:47:10.040 --> 01:47:12.031
Yeah, we'll just
wait in the car.

2529
01:47:12.120 --> 01:47:13.838
Okay, come on, boys.
Come on.

2530
01:47:18.440 --> 01:47:19.714
Hey, Sandy.

2531
01:47:19.800 --> 01:47:21.870
Hey, Sandy
with two sons!

2532
01:47:22.080 --> 01:47:23.832
(RACHEL AND VICKY LAUGHING)

2533
01:47:25.200 --> 01:47:26.428
(CHUCKLES)

2534
01:47:34.680 --> 01:47:38.992
So, who's
Captain Pink Pants?

2535
01:47:39.560 --> 01:47:41.755
Oh!
(LAUGHS)

2536
01:47:42.080 --> 01:47:43.433
Uh, first of all,
they're salmon.

2537
01:47:43.560 --> 01:47:45.676
Oh, is that what those were?
And they're cute.

2538
01:47:46.680 --> 01:47:47.999
Anyone I should
know about?

2539
01:47:48.120 --> 01:47:51.078
Oh, trust me, I'll shock
you when it's permanent. (CHUCKLES)

2540
01:47:51.240 --> 01:47:54.710
Yeah, and does he know how
you hate beards? Oh...

2541
01:47:55.040 --> 01:47:58.077
You know what, I think it's
actually quite sexy on him.

2542
01:47:58.200 --> 01:47:59.269
Oh...

2543
01:48:00.080 --> 01:48:01.308
And we're back
to normal.

2544
01:48:01.400 --> 01:48:02.549
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

2545
01:48:06.600 --> 01:48:08.113
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

2546
01:48:13.920 --> 01:48:14.989
GUEST: Uh-oh.
GUEST: Whoo!

2547
01:48:19.440 --> 01:48:21.158
This is just
how I pictured it.

2548
01:48:27.840 --> 01:48:29.319
(WEDDING MUSIC PLAYING)

2549
01:48:33.480 --> 01:48:35.038
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

2550
01:48:38.920 --> 01:48:40.797
Can we vow this up, please?

2551
01:48:40.880 --> 01:48:42.871
We got people
waiting for tables.

2552
01:48:43.160 --> 01:48:44.160
Oh...

2553
01:48:45.720 --> 01:48:46.720
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.

2554
01:48:47.560 --> 01:48:48.560
All right.

2555
01:48:50.120 --> 01:48:53.157
LANCE: We are gathered here
to unite these two souls.

2556
01:48:53.400 --> 01:48:55.072
Who is giving
this young lady away?

2557
01:48:55.200 --> 01:48:58.795
I do, but I'm going to hold
onto this one a little longer.

2558
01:49:00.200 --> 01:49:01.758
LANCE: Zack, do you take...
I do.

2559
01:49:02.040 --> 01:49:04.190
(CHUCKLES) Before she
changes her mind.

2560
01:49:04.880 --> 01:49:06.199
And do you, Kristin?

2561
01:49:07.080 --> 01:49:10.152
I do, and I won't
be changing my mind.

2562
01:49:10.360 --> 01:49:13.397
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

2563
01:49:15.480 --> 01:49:17.038
If you don't kiss her,
I will.

2564
01:49:17.200 --> 01:49:18.200
(LAUGHTER)

2565
01:49:18.360 --> 01:49:19.679
(ALL CHEERING)

2566
01:49:25.160 --> 01:49:26.559
I'm very calm right now.

2567
01:49:26.640 --> 01:49:28.039
I see that.
I'm very happy.

2568
01:49:28.160 --> 01:49:30.000
That's very nice.
Let's take a picture of that.

2569
01:49:30.040 --> 01:49:31.871
Hold it high so we
both look skinny.

2570
01:49:41.360 --> 01:49:42.918
It's nothing.
I'm fine.

2571
01:49:43.000 --> 01:49:44.560
I know, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.

2572
01:49:44.640 --> 01:49:46.596
It's not scary, okay?
Scary.

2573
01:49:46.680 --> 01:49:47.829
It's not scary.

2574
01:49:57.640 --> 01:49:59.040
Isn't that obvious?
(BALLOON BURSTS)

2575
01:49:59.560 --> 01:50:00.788
(GRUNTING)

2576
01:50:00.880 --> 01:50:02.029
Man down.

2577
01:50:06.680 --> 01:50:07.715
(GRUNTS)

2578
01:50:07.800 --> 01:50:11.076
Come on, come on, come on!
Seriously? All right.

2579
01:50:15.200 --> 01:50:17.270
Hey. This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby.

2580
01:50:17.360 --> 01:50:19.954
MAN: Yeah, your hat, Hector!
Put on your hat.

2581
01:50:20.040 --> 01:50:21.439
What?

2582
01:50:21.520 --> 01:50:23.256
All right, this is not...
This is the wrong borough.

2583
01:50:23.280 --> 01:50:24.713
I'm from Manhattan.
The other one.

2584
01:50:24.800 --> 01:50:25.856
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
(CHUCKLES)

2585
01:50:25.880 --> 01:50:26.880
Okay, we're ready.

2586
01:50:26.960 --> 01:50:28.696
How's this going?
This is going to work very well.

2587
01:50:28.720 --> 01:50:31.996
(IN ACCENT) Okay. This is not a stadium,
this is a lobby.

2588
01:50:32.080 --> 01:50:33.638
You were not
an essay-contest winner.

2589
01:50:33.720 --> 01:50:37.872
But I do have this 100%
hypoallergenic right-side out bra,

2590
01:50:38.000 --> 01:50:40.036
(GASPS) for you to wear
home since you're

2591
01:50:40.440 --> 01:50:43.034
exposed on that side.
Oh, that's so kind of you.

2592
01:50:43.120 --> 01:50:44.120
(SNAPS FINGERS)

2593
01:50:44.480 --> 01:50:45.913
Thank you.
Pop that on. Gold plated.

2594
01:50:46.000 --> 01:50:47.274
Is this yours?
Well...

2595
01:50:47.400 --> 01:50:48.400
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

2596
01:50:55.560 --> 01:50:59.155
It's one really... long train.
(ALL LAUGHING)

2597
01:50:59.240 --> 01:51:00.559
Jesus!

2598
01:51:02.680 --> 01:51:03.680
(SIGHS)

2599
01:51:08.520 --> 01:51:10.640
I need to shave my
legs again quickly. (CREW LAUGHING)

2600
01:51:11.400 --> 01:51:12.628
WOMAN: Hold him still.
Okay.

2601
01:51:12.720 --> 01:51:14.358
(BOTH YELLING)

2602
01:51:14.480 --> 01:51:15.595
He's moving.

2603
01:51:15.680 --> 01:51:18.069
Tanner, no, no, no, no,
not on her bag!

2604
01:51:20.400 --> 01:51:22.080
It's, like, the fourth
time he's done this.

2605
01:51:23.440 --> 01:51:25.431
Enough with
the surprises, Sandy.

2606
01:51:25.520 --> 01:51:27.238
Sandy? I'm Sandy.

2607
01:51:27.800 --> 01:51:29.376
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not here for a picture.

2608
01:51:29.400 --> 01:51:30.833
I'm here...
I'm here to show Julia.

2609
01:51:31.000 --> 01:51:32.433
(ALL LAUGHING)

2610
01:51:36.960 --> 01:51:37.960
(GRUNTS)

2611
01:51:39.120 --> 01:51:40.758
Justified.

2612
01:51:42.480 --> 01:51:45.153
Sweetie, sweetie, your banana.
Sorry, your banana.

2613
01:51:45.280 --> 01:51:46.280
Ow!
Oh!

2614
01:51:46.840 --> 01:51:48.956
Whoa!
(PEOPLE GASP)

2615
01:51:49.120 --> 01:51:50.633
(LAUGHS AND SIGHS)

2616
01:51:52.360 --> 01:51:53.360
(GRUNTS)

2617
01:51:53.600 --> 01:51:54.828
Oh, it's connected
to a string.

2618
01:51:54.920 --> 01:51:56.956
What? This is a big joke.

2619
01:51:57.120 --> 01:51:59.509
Maybe it's dental floss.
New thing dentists are doing.

2620
01:52:01.600 --> 01:52:03.318
Happy Mother's Day!

2621
01:58:45.040 --> 01:58:46.696
MAN: Went actually very well.
MIRANDA: She's so good!

2622
01:58:46.720 --> 01:58:48.631
Yay.
MAN: Go again.

2622
01:58:49.305 --> 01:58:55.589
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