1
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,195
Fuck Wolverine.

2
00:01:54,008 --> 00:01:56,963
First, he rides my coattails
with the R-rating.

3
00:01:56,987 --> 00:02:01,164
Then, the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

4
00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:03,120
What a dick!

5
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,361
Well guess what, Wolvie?

6
00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:08,174
I'm dying in this one, too.

7
00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:15,768
To understand why I took a catnap on
1,200 gallons of high-test fuel...

8
00:02:15,784 --> 00:02:19,541
I need to take you back to the
doody slopes of six weeks ago.

9
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:22,838
I've gone international. Taking
on mass murderers, gangsters,

10
00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:24,721
unspeakable monsters.

11
00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:27,846
People nobody would touch.
Except me.

12
00:02:27,854 --> 00:02:30,346
I'm gonna touch them all over.

13
00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:35,163
Hey. It's Gail calling.

14
00:02:35,171 --> 00:02:38,960
Love the shiny suit. Really brings
out the sex trafficker in your eyes.

15
00:02:41,231 --> 00:02:44,575
I don't speak
Cantonese, Mister...

16
00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:47,684
Well I'm not even
gonna attempt that.

17
00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:50,332
But I did take eighth
grade Spanish, so...

18
00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:52,340
Donde esta la biblioteca?

19
00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:54,621
Which literally translates to...

20
00:02:55,529 --> 00:02:58,396
"I don't bargain,
pumpkin-fucker."

21
00:03:22,681 --> 00:03:24,837
Uno, dos, tres, quatr...

22
00:03:36,902 --> 00:03:39,316
I'll take a glitter off
your glitter fucking vodka.

23
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:41,816
I know it's called sea breeze.
Don't make me say it.

24
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,050
Hit it, Dolly.

25
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:04,262
Taking the hands off the
guns of the criminals.

26
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,037
Do not go in there!

27
00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:26,313
Oh, God! Oh, God! Time out!
Time out!

28
00:04:26,337 --> 00:04:29,876
Cut! Just like Cyclops,
can't open my eyes.

29
00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,365
Fuck!

30
00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:37,326
Scoutmaster Kevin?

31
00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:45,224
Too exotic?

32
00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:50,685
My world tour brought
me home to this guy.

33
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,060
Sergei.

34
00:04:52,077 --> 00:04:53,811
We'll get to him in a moment.

35
00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:55,404
Because I know what
you're thinking.

36
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,990
"I'm so glad I left
the kiddos at home."

37
00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,561
But that's where you'd be wrong.

38
00:04:59,577 --> 00:05:02,506
That babysitter of yours,
is high as fuck right now.

39
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,080
And believe it or not...

40
00:05:04,092 --> 00:05:07,138
Deadpool 2, is a family film.

41
00:05:07,155 --> 00:05:08,060
True story.

42
00:05:08,069 --> 00:05:11,748
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

43
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,810
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII.

44
00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:18,405
Holy shit-pickles.
That guy's on fire!

45
00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:21,905
That's not CGI, folks. He's
actually on fire. Yeah.

46
00:05:22,179 --> 00:05:24,679
You know, you need to
take out bad guys, right?

47
00:05:24,703 --> 00:05:28,039
But this guy... He was
one of the worst of 'em.

48
00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:34,102
Open up with this fucking door,
and let's kill this motherfu...

49
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:42,450
Ugh... So gross.

50
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:45,075
A panic room? Really?

51
00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:47,535
Can you come out?

52
00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:51,264
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

53
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:59,675
Open up what you feel inside. Just
not having enough confidence.

54
00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:02,956
Listen, confidence is not something
you have. It's something you create.

55
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,159
And you can create it
any moment in time.

56
00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:08,551
A sense of confidence is nothing but
a sense of power within yourself.

57
00:06:08,575 --> 00:06:11,136
A sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.

58
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,537
And you can create that feeling
within you, in a moment.

59
00:06:13,561 --> 00:06:15,942
Start the fucking car!

60
00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:23,966
- Woo!
- I shit my pants.

61
00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:26,503
Actually, that may have been me.

62
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:27,699
Mission accomplished?

63
00:06:27,723 --> 00:06:29,706
Well, George W-sort of way.

64
00:06:29,707 --> 00:06:31,905
Fucker can't stay in a
panic room forever.

65
00:06:31,929 --> 00:06:35,211
- You are living the dreams, DP.
- It has been quite the run, Dopinder.

66
00:06:35,235 --> 00:06:36,562
And who'd have thought?

67
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,064
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.

68
00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:42,149
Passion of the Christ, then, me.
At least, domestically.

69
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:45,189
We beat them overseas, where
there's no such thing as religion.

70
00:06:45,213 --> 00:06:47,658
I do want to live the
dreams, Poolboy.

71
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,236
Taxiing is not as
sexy as it looks.

72
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:53,171
- I want to fill my...
- Pockets? What's your poison?

73
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,195
Little cookie cokey?

74
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,241
Can't maintain an erection
without buying shoes online?

75
00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:00,640
Never experienced that last one.

76
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,320
- Talk to me, - I was
going to say, soul.

77
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:07,355
I want to fill my soul. I want to belong
to something, like you, Pool, sir.

78
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,855
Dopinder?

79
00:07:09,478 --> 00:07:11,595
You never cease to surprise me.

80
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:15,657
The depth of your heart
is extraordinary.

81
00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:19,947
We all need a sense of belonging. We
all need a genuine sense of home.

82
00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:21,931
- A place...
- I want to become a contract killer.

83
00:07:21,955 --> 00:07:23,627
I'm sorry. What did you say?

84
00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:27,276
Remember when I kidnapped
Bandhu, and tried to end him...

85
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,620
You kinda killed him.

86
00:07:28,636 --> 00:07:29,995
Remember the movie Interview
with the Vampire?

87
00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:31,378
I don't want to.

88
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:35,987
When Tom Cruise fed ten-year old Kirsten
Dunst blood for the first time.

89
00:07:36,011 --> 00:07:39,511
Then she looked up at his
smooth, handsome face,

90
00:07:39,519 --> 00:07:42,769
and said, "I want some more".

91
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:46,902
Oh, Pool, picture me! A
ten-year old Kirsten Dunst.

92
00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:49,863
I'll never not picture that.

93
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:53,949
But I can't wait to never speak of this.
As soon as possible.

94
00:07:54,238 --> 00:07:55,457
We're here.

95
00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:01,582
- You're my Tom Cruise.
- And you're my Kristen Dunst!

96
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,245
Kristen? Kirsten?

97
00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:09,646
Sorry I'm late.

98
00:08:09,748 --> 00:08:11,281
There was a bunch of...

99
00:08:11,302 --> 00:08:14,904
Handicappable children stuck in a tree.
I had to...

100
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:15,854
You're right.

101
00:08:15,878 --> 00:08:17,878
I was fighting a caped badass.

102
00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:19,517
Then I discovered his mom
was named Martha, too.

103
00:08:19,529 --> 00:08:21,156
No.

104
00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:22,836
Traffic?

105
00:08:23,828 --> 00:08:24,828
Hmm?

106
00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:28,609
- Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
- Well, come here.

107
00:08:39,983 --> 00:08:42,193
I wanna shower and get
out of this suit.

108
00:08:42,370 --> 00:08:45,659
- Don't you want your surprise?
- Do I look like a patient burn victim?

109
00:08:48,651 --> 00:08:51,588
Happy anniversary, baby.

110
00:08:53,807 --> 00:08:55,299
The ski-ball token.

111
00:08:55,649 --> 00:08:57,471
- Our first date.
- Yup.

112
00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:01,353
That's genuine high-grade lead.

113
00:09:04,158 --> 00:09:05,970
I'll keep it forever.

114
00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:08,745
Thank you, baby.

115
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,808
Open yours.

116
00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:14,839
Well that's...

117
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,904
That's just the most
beautiful thing I ever...

118
00:09:16,928 --> 00:09:18,411
I don't know what this is.

119
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,856
My IUD.

120
00:09:20,139 --> 00:09:21,208
A bomb?

121
00:09:21,232 --> 00:09:24,132
No, dick for brains. My
birth control device.

122
00:09:24,443 --> 00:09:25,515
You mean your...

123
00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:28,794
- Baby factory is open for business.
- Oh, my God!

124
00:09:29,498 --> 00:09:31,974
Oh, my God! I want a boy.

125
00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:34,825
Or a little girl. Just
really one or the other.

126
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,255
I want our kids to
have only one name.

127
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,918
Like Cher.

128
00:09:39,942 --> 00:09:41,075
Or Todd.

129
00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:43,369
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.

130
00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:44,858
Yes, I do.

131
00:09:44,882 --> 00:09:46,479
Let's watch some porn and
show that bed who's boss.

132
00:09:46,491 --> 00:09:48,099
Let's do that.

133
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,834
Does this song sound
familiar to you?

134
00:10:01,514 --> 00:10:02,670
May.

135
00:10:03,998 --> 00:10:06,326
Connor? If it's a boy.

136
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,623
May if it's a girl.

137
00:10:10,538 --> 00:10:12,436
So weird.

138
00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:15,031
Family's a lot like
an "F" -word to me.

139
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:20,076
Pile of shit father took
off and bailed, and...

140
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:25,209
It's not like I have a lot of strong
role models to draw off of for Todd.

141
00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:27,561
Hey.

142
00:10:28,030 --> 00:10:29,287
Look at me.

143
00:10:30,389 --> 00:10:32,420
You are not your father.

144
00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:35,317
Besides...

145
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,888
I will never, ever...

146
00:10:38,124 --> 00:10:40,694
let our child be named "Todd".

147
00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:43,851
But here's the thing. Isn't
that how it always works?

148
00:10:44,191 --> 00:10:45,683
Like in Star Wars...

149
00:10:45,707 --> 00:10:48,105
Men are destined to
become their father?

150
00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:51,596
And then have consensual
sex with their sister?

151
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,455
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.

152
00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:59,048
- No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
- Baby, that's Empire.

153
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,322
The point is, kids...

154
00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:06,625
They give us a chance to
be better than we are.

155
00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:08,919
Better than we used to be.

156
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:12,766
You're a lot smarter
than you look.

157
00:11:13,274 --> 00:11:15,016
I'm gonna go make dessert.

158
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,500
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a superbaby.

159
00:11:19,507 --> 00:11:22,327
I'm pretty sure it doesn't
work that way but we can try.

160
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:26,388
What about Krystal, with a K?

161
00:11:26,412 --> 00:11:28,139
That's too stripper-y.

162
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:30,139
Kevin with a K?

163
00:11:30,163 --> 00:11:32,344
No. Too stripper-y too.

164
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,183
Earl?

165
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,809
He's gonna go straight to
jail if we name him Earl.

166
00:11:39,669 --> 00:11:41,965
What about Bruce?

167
00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:46,012
- Get down.
- What?

168
00:12:14,595 --> 00:12:17,009
Baby? Baby?

169
00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:21,822
I'm okay.

170
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,759
Thank God, I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

171
00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:21,310
Papa, can you hear me?

172
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:25,926
Is it just me or does "Do you want
to Build A Snowman" from Frozen

173
00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:29,262
sounds suspiciously like "Papa,
Can You Hear Me" from Yentl?

174
00:16:30,309 --> 00:16:32,309
Papa, can you hear me?

175
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,832
That nobody fucking realizes it.

176
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:40,075
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?

177
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:43,958
You smell like somebody shit in a civil
war wound after it had become gangrenous.

178
00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:47,639
They should've just amputated it. Why
shit in it. It doesn't make any sense.

179
00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:49,491
I love Frozen.

180
00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:52,905
I loved her. I loved her
like ocean loved water.

181
00:16:53,037 --> 00:16:55,497
- An ocean is water.
- More importantly...

182
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:56,982
I liked her.

183
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,154
I really liked her, you know?

184
00:16:59,389 --> 00:17:04,404
George Michael was right. I'm never
gonna dance again. Fuck. He's dead too.

185
00:17:05,047 --> 00:17:08,211
- At least we still have Bowie.
- Yeah.

186
00:17:08,516 --> 00:17:11,531
We still... have Bowie.

187
00:17:11,749 --> 00:17:13,122
I'm sorry.

188
00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:16,537
Shot after shot, it's not gonna change
the fact that I think you're...

189
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,620
Are you pissing? Are you
urinating right now? You're

190
00:17:18,632 --> 00:17:20,712
making the face that you
make when you're urinating.

191
00:17:20,802 --> 00:17:22,795
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it.

192
00:17:22,819 --> 00:17:24,309
There you go, Dopinder.

193
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:26,407
You wanna be a contract
killer, you're gonna

194
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:28,505
handle a mop before
you handle a gun.

195
00:17:28,521 --> 00:17:31,185
Although I don't quite understand
how they are all similar.

196
00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:33,864
Well, they both have handles.
Now leave me.

197
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,997
Go home, Wade.

198
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,695
I don't have a home.

199
00:17:39,578 --> 00:17:42,257
Whoa. Okay, I'm fine.
Honestly, I'm fine.

200
00:17:42,281 --> 00:17:44,445
You know what fine
stands for, Wade?

201
00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:47,843
Fucked up, insecure,
neurotic and emotional.

202
00:17:48,047 --> 00:17:50,523
According to the...

203
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,310
Kubler-Ross.

204
00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:57,187
According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial
is just one of the five stages of grief.

205
00:17:57,211 --> 00:17:59,466
Jesus Christ, Buck.

206
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,982
No more speaking lines for you.

207
00:18:37,403 --> 00:18:41,684
- I'm thinking it over.
- Motherfucker! Fuck.

208
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:47,926
What the hell are you doing here?
Don't you know how to knock?

209
00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:51,230
I thought you saw me.
With your ears.

210
00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:55,175
- You're lucky I didn't shoot you in...
- The wall? The refrigerator?

211
00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:57,784
I'm in so much pain.

212
00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:01,465
I heard the news, sweetie.

213
00:19:01,489 --> 00:19:03,575
I'm very sorry. I am.

214
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:05,528
What am I gonna do, Al?

215
00:19:05,552 --> 00:19:08,129
Probably something terrible.

216
00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:12,036
- Knowing you.
- It was my fault.

217
00:19:12,707 --> 00:19:14,832
I fucking did this.

218
00:19:15,457 --> 00:19:19,676
And all I wanna do is grab her, see her.
Tell her that I'm sorry and I can't.

219
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,297
She's gone.

220
00:19:23,321 --> 00:19:26,807
Sweetheart, can you speak up?

221
00:19:26,831 --> 00:19:29,886
It's a little hard to hear you
with that pity dick in your mouth.

222
00:19:29,894 --> 00:19:31,112
Now look, sugar.

223
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:34,003
- You need to just keep living.
- Thank you...

224
00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:37,360
Matthew McConaughey, your
words are a treasure.

225
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,969
Listen to the pain.

226
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:42,180
It's both history teacher
and fortune-teller.

227
00:19:42,204 --> 00:19:45,493
Pain teaches us who we'd all be.

228
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:49,411
Sometimes it's so bad, we
feel like we're dying.

229
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:53,591
But we can't really live 'till
we die a little, can we?

230
00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:56,122
Wade?

231
00:19:58,552 --> 00:20:00,872
- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.

232
00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:05,387
Maybe that's the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.

233
00:20:05,513 --> 00:20:07,965
You're absolutely right.

234
00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:13,583
I'm about to do
something terrible.

235
00:20:17,302 --> 00:20:19,520
There. All caught up.

236
00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:22,520
You can't really live until
you've died a little.

237
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:24,911
Let's test that
theory, shall we?

238
00:20:56,727 --> 00:20:59,072
I love you, Wade Wilson.

239
00:21:00,915 --> 00:21:02,352
Ness?

240
00:21:03,578 --> 00:21:04,860
Ness?

241
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,179
Ness?

242
00:21:07,358 --> 00:21:10,787
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

243
00:21:11,814 --> 00:21:14,340
Your heart's not in
the right place.

244
00:21:14,496 --> 00:21:16,777
Wait. Hold on, what?

245
00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:18,870
Your heart's not in
the right place.

246
00:21:18,894 --> 00:21:20,679
Wait, what's that, what
do you mean my heart's

247
00:21:20,691 --> 00:21:22,487
not in the right place?
What does it...

248
00:21:41,659 --> 00:21:45,799
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.
You're broken.

249
00:21:45,901 --> 00:21:49,330
Oh, God. I know that voice.

250
00:21:52,947 --> 00:21:56,095
Heart's in the right place.
Heart's not, what does that mean?

251
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,887
You've been sleep
for three days.

252
00:21:57,911 --> 00:22:01,221
- I took the liberty of dressing you.
- No shit.

253
00:22:01,245 --> 00:22:05,119
- Why can't I fucking die?
- Take your mask off, Wade.

254
00:22:05,143 --> 00:22:08,393
We must talk. You
need fresh start.

255
00:22:08,822 --> 00:22:11,448
With training, you can be X-Man.

256
00:22:11,472 --> 00:22:13,541
You're wasting your
time, shiny Jesus.

257
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:17,001
- I'm not X-Men material.
- Understatement of the year.

258
00:22:17,025 --> 00:22:19,806
Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade.

259
00:22:19,830 --> 00:22:22,556
What, in the
fuck-knuckles is this?

260
00:22:22,572 --> 00:22:24,361
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.

261
00:22:24,369 --> 00:22:27,095
Whoa! Pump the hate
brakes, Fox and Friends.

262
00:22:27,111 --> 00:22:31,532
I'm just surprised anyone would date you.
Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

263
00:22:31,681 --> 00:22:35,624
- I like this guy.
- Give him a chance.

264
00:22:35,648 --> 00:22:39,328
- It's great seeing you like this.
- Yeah...

265
00:22:39,352 --> 00:22:40,414
Bye, Wade!

266
00:22:40,438 --> 00:22:43,273
Now some ground rules
while under our roof.

267
00:22:43,297 --> 00:22:47,954
Rule number one: No killing.
Anyone. Ever.

268
00:22:47,978 --> 00:22:49,672
No matter how bad.

269
00:22:49,696 --> 00:22:53,852
Rule two: Label everything
in refriger... Wade?

270
00:22:54,094 --> 00:22:55,398
Wade?

271
00:22:56,219 --> 00:23:00,672
Don't try to chase me. Not
ready to be touched yet.

272
00:23:00,882 --> 00:23:03,322
All these elderly white
men on the walls.

273
00:23:03,346 --> 00:23:05,610
Should've brought
my rape whistle.

274
00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:08,907
Those were already damaged
after they fell there.

275
00:23:09,031 --> 00:23:11,078
What am I supposed to
do around here, anyway.

276
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:13,149
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

277
00:23:13,173 --> 00:23:16,195
And how would I do that,
exactly, because...

278
00:23:16,219 --> 00:23:18,681
Where the fuck is everyone?

279
00:23:18,705 --> 00:23:20,953
It's always just you
and Negasonic Teenage.

280
00:23:20,962 --> 00:23:23,266
- Longest Name ever.
- Enough!

281
00:23:23,274 --> 00:23:24,914
I said no touching.

282
00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:28,859
What the... fuck.

283
00:23:29,172 --> 00:23:31,657
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

284
00:23:31,681 --> 00:23:34,197
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

285
00:23:34,221 --> 00:23:37,456
How about that pots with the giant
pigeon wings? What do those do in there?

286
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,041
Carry them three feet off the ground
to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?

287
00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:43,310
No, no, no, no, no. No.

288
00:23:43,326 --> 00:23:46,146
I am not X-men material, at all.

289
00:23:46,170 --> 00:23:47,685
First off...

290
00:23:48,748 --> 00:23:51,701
I'm not even a virgin.
Sceond, and more...

291
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:56,123
I should've left you in the
self-pitying mess I found you in.

292
00:23:56,147 --> 00:23:59,021
But this is what friends do.
They show up.

293
00:23:59,045 --> 00:24:00,873
Not when convenient or easy.

294
00:24:00,889 --> 00:24:02,036
When hard.

295
00:24:02,060 --> 00:24:05,170
And you always make it hard.

296
00:24:05,388 --> 00:24:07,863
You are unwell.

297
00:24:07,887 --> 00:24:10,841
I'm sticking my
neck out for you.

298
00:24:10,848 --> 00:24:13,980
One of the assholes who
killed Vanessa got away.

299
00:24:16,519 --> 00:24:19,338
- Jesus Christ.
- Wade.

300
00:24:19,362 --> 00:24:23,791
Whoever they are, we track them
down and bring them to justice.

301
00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:25,473
It was me.

302
00:24:28,415 --> 00:24:30,790
I'm the asshole who got away.

303
00:24:31,156 --> 00:24:33,898
I killed every last one of them.
Except me.

304
00:24:34,070 --> 00:24:36,132
Couldn't kill me.

305
00:24:39,124 --> 00:24:41,288
We were gonna start a family.

306
00:24:42,968 --> 00:24:44,593
We were, uhh...

307
00:24:46,108 --> 00:24:48,139
We were gonna be a family.

308
00:24:48,619 --> 00:24:51,366
Wade, Vanessa is gone.

309
00:24:51,484 --> 00:24:53,530
She is not coming back.

310
00:24:53,935 --> 00:24:56,491
This may not be family you want.

311
00:24:56,505 --> 00:24:58,970
But, it's family you need.

312
00:24:58,994 --> 00:25:03,048
You have a good heart. It belongs
here, where it can grow.

313
00:25:03,447 --> 00:25:05,103
What did you say?

314
00:25:06,727 --> 00:25:08,680
About my heart?

315
00:25:13,571 --> 00:25:16,055
I think I'm in the right place.

316
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:30,862
Wade.

317
00:26:31,809 --> 00:26:32,996
Wade!

318
00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:37,504
Hey. I was just taking Cerebro for a
spin here. Looking deep into the future.

319
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,102
- This thing...
- That's not how Cerebro works.

320
00:26:41,126 --> 00:26:42,172
Yes. Yes.

321
00:26:42,603 --> 00:26:45,524
- We have mission.
- We have mission. We do.

322
00:26:45,665 --> 00:26:47,735
You do. You guys
stay safe out there.

323
00:26:47,759 --> 00:26:51,430
- No. I want you to join.
- No. You want me to join.

324
00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:54,613
- I'm sorry. What?
- You are ready.

325
00:26:54,637 --> 00:26:56,894
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

326
00:26:56,918 --> 00:26:58,939
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.

327
00:26:58,963 --> 00:27:02,171
It's on my head and smells
like Patrick Stewart.

328
00:27:02,195 --> 00:27:04,298
Be at the X-jet in five.

329
00:27:06,957 --> 00:27:09,582
Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

330
00:27:09,605 --> 00:27:14,348
Live here on a breaking news situation at
the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.

331
00:27:14,372 --> 00:27:16,879
A mutant boy is appearing
to have some sort

332
00:27:16,891 --> 00:27:19,410
of an incident with
police here behind me.

333
00:27:19,434 --> 00:27:22,491
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned...

334
00:27:23,092 --> 00:27:25,388
A scene of absolute chaos...

335
00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:29,068
I'll burn you! Just stay back.

336
00:27:29,092 --> 00:27:33,123
Get away from me! You
wanna fucking die?

337
00:27:48,190 --> 00:27:54,432
It appears as if the X-Men are arriving
with, what appears to be a trainee.

338
00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:57,754
Everyone calm down.
The pros are here.

339
00:27:58,223 --> 00:27:59,574
We're the X-Men.

340
00:27:59,583 --> 00:28:02,279
A dated metaphor for
racism in the '60s.

341
00:28:02,303 --> 00:28:04,396
So, respect.

342
00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:06,150
At ease, officer.

343
00:28:07,283 --> 00:28:09,150
What are you doing?

344
00:28:09,291 --> 00:28:10,659
My job.

345
00:28:10,683 --> 00:28:13,612
You're the one who said I was ready
and I frankly disagreed with you.

346
00:28:13,636 --> 00:28:17,652
But here we are. Trying to overcome
our differences. Like Beyonce says:

347
00:28:17,676 --> 00:28:20,853
"Please. Please stop
cheating on me."

348
00:28:20,877 --> 00:28:21,938
Hey!

349
00:28:21,962 --> 00:28:23,431
This is the fifth incident.

350
00:28:23,455 --> 00:28:25,673
This kid needs to be in the Icebox.
Not here.

351
00:28:25,690 --> 00:28:28,632
Russell belongs in our care.
Not in prison.

352
00:28:28,656 --> 00:28:31,093
I assure you, we have
everything under control.

353
00:28:31,109 --> 00:28:34,898
Not getting a real "under
control" vibe here, Marty.

354
00:28:34,906 --> 00:28:36,626
- It is Glenn, isn't it?
- Daniel.

355
00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:39,406
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.

356
00:28:39,429 --> 00:28:42,234
You stay here wth your weird...

357
00:28:42,258 --> 00:28:44,022
Secret sex lips.

358
00:28:45,893 --> 00:28:47,443
You wanna die?

359
00:28:47,455 --> 00:28:49,017
He's so adorable. Dunno why
I packed a hollow point.

360
00:28:49,041 --> 00:28:53,353
- I'll burn your balls off.
- First day. I'm so nervous.

361
00:28:53,762 --> 00:28:55,498
Did you just say hollow points?

362
00:28:55,522 --> 00:28:59,107
Yeah. Probably should've
brought a super soaker.

363
00:28:59,458 --> 00:29:00,942
Hi, there.

364
00:29:01,943 --> 00:29:05,107
Stay back, or
Justin Bieber dies.

365
00:29:05,349 --> 00:29:08,310
Justin Bieber. He called
you Justin Bieber.

366
00:29:09,372 --> 00:29:12,427
Wait, wait. Okay,
let's not do...

367
00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:14,319
Whatever that is. Okay?

368
00:29:14,343 --> 00:29:17,216
Let's just talk. It's Russell.
Right?

369
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,428
- Firefist.
- Firefist!

370
00:29:19,452 --> 00:29:21,095
That's a great name.

371
00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:23,954
Where does it burn? Just the fist
or all the way up to the elbow?

372
00:29:28,803 --> 00:29:30,521
Definitely all the
way up to the elbow.

373
00:29:30,538 --> 00:29:33,623
Come quietly. Or there
will be trouble.

374
00:29:33,756 --> 00:29:35,850
- You stole that from Robocop.
- Robocop!

375
00:29:36,013 --> 00:29:39,371
Just stand down. You're
embarassing me. Look!

376
00:29:39,395 --> 00:29:42,020
Firefi... Fire...!

377
00:29:42,724 --> 00:29:45,739
I can't say it. I'm so sorry!

378
00:29:49,903 --> 00:29:52,778
Shit. That fucking does it!

379
00:29:52,794 --> 00:29:55,967
Put your hands behind your knees
and get down in your head, now!

380
00:29:55,991 --> 00:29:56,804
Wade!

381
00:29:56,828 --> 00:29:58,123
What was first rule?

382
00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,819
Label everything in
the refrigerator!

383
00:29:59,843 --> 00:30:02,914
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!

384
00:30:02,938 --> 00:30:06,311
That's the exact opposite
of what they are meant for!

385
00:30:06,482 --> 00:30:08,201
Fuck! Fine.

386
00:30:08,553 --> 00:30:10,201
I'll start from the beginning.

387
00:30:10,217 --> 00:30:13,772
- My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee!

388
00:30:14,404 --> 00:30:16,193
I get it.

389
00:30:16,592 --> 00:30:18,646
All right? You're scared.

390
00:30:18,794 --> 00:30:19,966
Alone.

391
00:30:20,123 --> 00:30:23,842
You got no family? I didn't have a family.
You live in this dump? Well guess what?

392
00:30:23,866 --> 00:30:26,373
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.

393
00:30:26,397 --> 00:30:27,749
But you know something?

394
00:30:27,773 --> 00:30:29,319
I think that is worse.

395
00:30:29,343 --> 00:30:32,123
It's a confusing time in your
life right now. Your body...

396
00:30:32,147 --> 00:30:34,678
Is going through
some fiery changes.

397
00:30:34,702 --> 00:30:37,256
Too far. I went too far.

398
00:30:43,647 --> 00:30:45,835
That was effervescent.

399
00:30:46,482 --> 00:30:50,067
Stay in school kid. Or don't.
I didn't.

400
00:30:50,091 --> 00:30:53,130
- I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee.

401
00:30:53,154 --> 00:30:56,598
Fuck it. Superhero
landing coming up.

402
00:31:00,364 --> 00:31:03,793
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's so impractical.

403
00:31:24,038 --> 00:31:27,287
- I could get used to this X-Men shit.
- Trainee!

404
00:31:27,311 --> 00:31:28,459
Trainee!

405
00:31:28,483 --> 00:31:31,780
- Get a collar and restrain him, now.
- Calm down, squirt.

406
00:31:31,804 --> 00:31:34,568
It's over. We got ya.

407
00:31:35,516 --> 00:31:36,805
What's that do?

408
00:31:36,829 --> 00:31:38,586
Power dampening collar.

409
00:31:38,602 --> 00:31:41,539
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
Can't get it off.

410
00:31:41,555 --> 00:31:43,743
Unless you've got a grenade.

411
00:31:43,767 --> 00:31:46,071
Could've used one of
those in the first act.

412
00:31:46,095 --> 00:31:47,501
Thank you.

413
00:31:48,939 --> 00:31:51,306
That was absolutely thrilling.

414
00:31:51,330 --> 00:31:55,579
True heroism in action.
We are in your debt.

415
00:31:55,727 --> 00:31:57,541
We can take it from here.

416
00:31:57,565 --> 00:32:01,128
Take me to the Icebox, please.
Anywhere is better than here.

417
00:32:01,152 --> 00:32:03,994
Believe me son, you do not
wanna go to the Icebox.

418
00:32:04,018 --> 00:32:05,765
Let's get you inside, young man.

419
00:32:05,789 --> 00:32:09,687
No, wait. Wait, you just,
you guys stay there.

420
00:32:19,519 --> 00:32:21,387
Those guys hurt you?

421
00:32:22,536 --> 00:32:23,738
Who?

422
00:32:26,028 --> 00:32:29,160
Baldylocks? Jared Kushner?

423
00:32:36,106 --> 00:32:38,403
Fuck it. Four or five moments.

424
00:32:38,427 --> 00:32:40,879
- I'm sorry?
- Four...

425
00:32:40,903 --> 00:32:43,262
Or five moments.

426
00:32:44,027 --> 00:32:47,495
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

427
00:32:47,652 --> 00:32:50,034
People think you wake up a hero.

428
00:32:50,058 --> 00:32:52,253
Brush your teeth a hero.

429
00:32:52,277 --> 00:32:55,487
Ejaculate into a soap
dispenser a hero.

430
00:32:56,421 --> 00:32:59,070
But no. Being a hero

431
00:32:59,094 --> 00:33:01,662
takes only a few moments.

432
00:33:01,686 --> 00:33:06,232
Few moments doing the ugly
stuff no one else will do.

433
00:33:09,484 --> 00:33:10,640
No!

434
00:33:14,444 --> 00:33:16,882
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!

435
00:33:16,906 --> 00:33:19,313
That kid was abused. You can
tell, you can always tell.

436
00:33:19,337 --> 00:33:23,048
We have rules. You are not
judge, jury or executioner.

437
00:33:23,064 --> 00:33:26,204
Fuck your rules. I fight
for what's right.

438
00:33:26,212 --> 00:33:27,882
And sometimes, you
gotta fight dirty.

439
00:33:27,906 --> 00:33:31,484
You let me down for
the last time, Wade.

440
00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:03,521
I wonder what gang I'll be in.

441
00:34:05,279 --> 00:34:08,349
Is there like a sorting hat?

442
00:34:13,361 --> 00:34:15,978
Hard left, douchebag.

443
00:34:19,033 --> 00:34:20,955
Please. After you.

444
00:34:21,228 --> 00:34:24,711
Another disgusting mutant off the streets.
God bless America.

445
00:34:24,735 --> 00:34:26,375
It's a good to talk a little.

446
00:34:29,625 --> 00:34:32,265
Nighty-night, you
annoying prick.

447
00:35:04,507 --> 00:35:08,093
But I'm gonna tell you
what the big lie is.

448
00:35:08,117 --> 00:35:09,421
Toilet paper.

449
00:35:09,445 --> 00:35:12,608
Toilet paper is
certified appetizer.

450
00:35:12,632 --> 00:35:14,390
But then...

451
00:35:15,050 --> 00:35:17,440
Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.

452
00:35:17,464 --> 00:35:20,721
That's your main course. They're soft.
They're moist.

453
00:35:20,745 --> 00:35:22,753
They're for babies.

454
00:35:22,777 --> 00:35:27,542
And finally. One more patch of toilet paper
made me clear out that excess moisture.

455
00:35:27,561 --> 00:35:30,538
Maybe treat yourself to a glow and
go if you can get you a hair dryer.

456
00:35:30,562 --> 00:35:33,318
Just about thirty seconds
until you get...

457
00:35:36,216 --> 00:35:37,670
What the fuck.

458
00:35:38,788 --> 00:35:40,154
Year?

459
00:35:40,842 --> 00:35:42,162
What?

460
00:35:42,952 --> 00:35:44,608
What year is it?

461
00:35:44,780 --> 00:35:47,545
What kind of dumbass
question is that to ask?

462
00:36:06,054 --> 00:36:09,572
- You're a long way from your superpowers.
- Yeah.

463
00:36:09,596 --> 00:36:10,686
Okay.

464
00:36:14,262 --> 00:36:16,418
I wanted to be a superhero.

465
00:36:16,431 --> 00:36:19,002
Always wanted my own supersuit.

466
00:36:19,026 --> 00:36:21,015
What happened?

467
00:36:21,027 --> 00:36:23,027
When's the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

468
00:36:23,051 --> 00:36:26,963
Never. The industry
discriminates.

469
00:36:27,081 --> 00:36:28,877
Fuck superheroes.

470
00:36:28,901 --> 00:36:30,559
Fuck everyone.

471
00:36:30,847 --> 00:36:33,621
The first thing I'm gonna do
when I get out of here...

472
00:36:33,645 --> 00:36:39,012
Burn the Headmaster alive, and then take
a selfie with the smoldering corpse.

473
00:36:39,136 --> 00:36:41,520
Who says prison
isn't informative?

474
00:36:41,543 --> 00:36:43,535
Fucker hates mutants.

475
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:47,925
Blessed are the wicked who
are healed by my hand.

476
00:36:47,949 --> 00:36:50,020
Your abilities...

477
00:36:51,043 --> 00:36:54,089
I know how seductive they are.

478
00:36:55,345 --> 00:36:57,563
Please, no more crying.

479
00:37:03,797 --> 00:37:07,476
Tomorrow, I'll find the
biggest guy in here.

480
00:37:08,422 --> 00:37:10,211
I'm gonna make him my b...

481
00:37:12,867 --> 00:37:16,913
- What was that?
- That is the biggest guy in here.

482
00:37:17,180 --> 00:37:21,140
Fun fact about the Icebox:
though no one's ever seen it,

483
00:37:21,164 --> 00:37:23,523
they keep a monster
in the basement.

484
00:37:23,547 --> 00:37:27,577
Right next to a huge steaming
bowl of foreshadowing.

485
00:37:27,601 --> 00:37:28,632
Look...

486
00:37:29,516 --> 00:37:31,801
I can't protect you.

487
00:37:31,825 --> 00:37:36,147
With this collar on, my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

488
00:37:36,161 --> 00:37:39,511
Give me a bow and arrow,
and I'm basically Hawkeye.

489
00:37:39,535 --> 00:37:44,909
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got
tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.

490
00:37:44,933 --> 00:37:47,393
I'll start by making us a shank.

491
00:37:47,417 --> 00:37:49,187
Good listening.

492
00:37:49,199 --> 00:37:50,980
I saw that guard's pen and
stashed it in the old,

493
00:37:51,004 --> 00:37:53,101
prison wallet. If you
know what I'm saying?

494
00:37:53,113 --> 00:37:55,221
Prison wallet?

495
00:37:56,347 --> 00:37:59,018
I really hope I don't
know what you're saying.

496
00:38:00,823 --> 00:38:04,159
I can hear you rummaging
around in there.

497
00:38:08,268 --> 00:38:11,161
Here to update you on the
story reported earlier...

498
00:38:11,185 --> 00:38:15,626
After a lengthy stand-off outside the
Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation,

499
00:38:15,650 --> 00:38:18,673
two mutants were arrested and
transported to the Icebox.

500
00:38:18,689 --> 00:38:21,173
Entering repair mode.

501
00:39:04,075 --> 00:39:05,918
Don't. Don't do that.

502
00:39:06,536 --> 00:39:09,356
What? Why are you winking at me?

503
00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:16,011
- I've got your back.
- Oh, my God.

504
00:39:16,035 --> 00:39:19,400
- I said I'm gonna protect you.
- Just leave me alone, kid.

505
00:39:20,527 --> 00:39:22,167
Oh, great.

506
00:39:23,223 --> 00:39:26,048
Well. Look at our new friends.

507
00:39:26,072 --> 00:39:28,893
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

508
00:39:28,917 --> 00:39:31,378
That's some light
catalogue, but really,

509
00:39:31,390 --> 00:39:33,862
modelling's just a
stepping stone for acting.

510
00:39:33,886 --> 00:39:36,260
I wasn't talking to him.

511
00:39:36,576 --> 00:39:39,818
Have we met? Can't
place your moustache.

512
00:39:40,021 --> 00:39:42,732
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.

513
00:39:42,756 --> 00:39:46,006
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

514
00:39:46,030 --> 00:39:48,865
You're supposed to be the
toughest cunt in here.

515
00:39:48,881 --> 00:39:51,428
You don't look like much to me.

516
00:39:51,452 --> 00:39:56,428
First rule of the yard, fuck-face. Find
the biggest guy and make him your...

517
00:39:59,823 --> 00:40:04,846
Second biggest guy. The last
thing I need is more hepatitis.

518
00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:08,034
It's slippery, too. This
table needs a wipedown.

519
00:40:08,058 --> 00:40:10,558
Can we get a wipedown
on the table?

520
00:40:11,347 --> 00:40:14,761
- Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.
- No I didn't.

521
00:40:14,769 --> 00:40:18,722
- He's my friend.
- Zip it. We're not friends.

522
00:40:19,807 --> 00:40:22,362
You're about to get
dick-slapped...

523
00:40:33,396 --> 00:40:37,357
I had so much fun. You were
like, and I was like...

524
00:40:37,381 --> 00:40:41,170
- Please, let me die in peace.
- We make a great team.

525
00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:43,396
We're not a team.

526
00:40:44,412 --> 00:40:48,482
I just saved your back there.
We're friends. Partners.

527
00:40:48,506 --> 00:40:51,333
We're not partners. Or friends.

528
00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:56,515
This doesn't end with us riding into the
sunset. It ends with me dying of cancer.

529
00:40:56,536 --> 00:41:00,202
And you winning the Icebox
award for Softest Mouth.

530
00:41:02,064 --> 00:41:05,829
There's only one person in this world
that I care about, and she's gone.

531
00:41:06,974 --> 00:41:09,481
You wanna survive?

532
00:41:10,369 --> 00:41:15,478
Stop trying to shank the biggest guys
in here. Make friends with them.

533
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,431
Make friends with someone.

534
00:41:19,783 --> 00:41:22,197
Anyone but me.

535
00:41:22,475 --> 00:41:25,413
Maybe even Black Tim.

536
00:41:25,585 --> 00:41:29,897
Black Evan? I don't know. All I
remember is he's African-American.

537
00:42:28,104 --> 00:42:29,752
Searching.

538
00:42:30,479 --> 00:42:33,197
Cell 0-4. Located.

539
00:42:33,852 --> 00:42:36,283
The door won't open.

540
00:43:14,790 --> 00:43:17,227
That was our cell.

541
00:43:18,602 --> 00:43:22,953
What did I do to piss off a grumpy old
fucker with a Winter Soldier arm?

542
00:43:31,511 --> 00:43:33,971
Get away from me, kid.

543
00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:42,758
Listen to me, go!

544
00:43:47,664 --> 00:43:50,031
Hello, Russell.

545
00:45:12,453 --> 00:45:14,671
Hello, superpowers.

546
00:45:31,799 --> 00:45:33,587
Who are you?

547
00:45:33,611 --> 00:45:34,986
I'm Batman.

548
00:45:53,276 --> 00:45:55,807
That's got some zip!

549
00:46:03,109 --> 00:46:06,703
Don't do that. Even
I can't kill me.

550
00:46:06,828 --> 00:46:08,070
Talk!

551
00:46:08,344 --> 00:46:12,249
What kind of spineless shitstick
tries to kill a 14-year old boy?

552
00:46:12,930 --> 00:46:14,988
You might wanna start
talking because I got a

553
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,070
long history of firing
at times like this.

554
00:46:18,055 --> 00:46:23,156
The name's Cable. I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

555
00:46:24,925 --> 00:46:30,131
So you're from the future. All
right, three questions, then. One...

556
00:46:30,155 --> 00:46:32,479
Is dubstep still a thing?

557
00:46:32,489 --> 00:46:36,723
Two. What Sharknado are we on?
And three...

558
00:46:36,747 --> 00:46:40,967
At what point do I need to say,
enough with the robotic arms?

559
00:47:22,818 --> 00:47:26,278
- Dubstep's for pussies.
- You're so dark!

560
00:47:26,302 --> 00:47:29,083
Are you sure you're not
from the DC Universe?

561
00:47:29,107 --> 00:47:31,622
They love dubstep!

562
00:47:57,018 --> 00:48:01,650
Is that a fanny pack? I used to have
one of those in ninety-ninetynever.

563
00:48:02,096 --> 00:48:06,189
- Something to remember you by.
- Give me that back.

564
00:48:06,213 --> 00:48:11,369
That goes with me everywhere. Like the
memory of your fucking fanny pack.

565
00:48:20,122 --> 00:48:22,473
Why are you protecting the kid?

566
00:48:23,371 --> 00:48:26,175
I don't give a fuck about him.

567
00:48:26,199 --> 00:48:29,191
He's arguably had
a mother complex.

568
00:48:30,643 --> 00:48:33,128
What's this one do?

569
00:48:45,972 --> 00:48:50,034
In every film, is a moment when
the hero hits rock bottom.

570
00:48:50,159 --> 00:48:53,659
In Cool Runnings, it was when John
Candy's prized bobsled broke.

571
00:48:53,876 --> 00:48:58,561
In Human Centipede, it was when those
people, signed on to be in that movie.

572
00:48:58,585 --> 00:49:02,691
But in this film, well,
you're looking at it.

573
00:49:07,145 --> 00:49:08,527
Rock...

574
00:49:11,709 --> 00:49:14,099
Meet bottom.

575
00:49:25,195 --> 00:49:26,460
Ness?

576
00:49:27,375 --> 00:49:29,250
Hey, Ness!

577
00:49:29,696 --> 00:49:32,781
Ness! Can you let me in? Please!

578
00:49:32,922 --> 00:49:34,578
Please.

579
00:49:35,101 --> 00:49:37,061
Oh, Jesus.

580
00:49:39,655 --> 00:49:43,912
You're not giving a lot of direction here.
I'm at the end of my rope.

581
00:49:45,860 --> 00:49:48,227
I joined the X-Men...

582
00:49:48,390 --> 00:49:50,773
Went to prison, with a...

583
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:55,664
With a kid.

584
00:49:57,597 --> 00:50:01,636
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

585
00:50:01,753 --> 00:50:03,534
The kid!

586
00:50:16,718 --> 00:50:19,811
That's exactly what she meant. Your
heart needs to be in the right place.

587
00:50:19,835 --> 00:50:23,795
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
He's never had anyone. Ever.

588
00:50:24,358 --> 00:50:27,421
- I need to be selfless.
- Yeah. But was does that mean?

589
00:50:27,445 --> 00:50:31,194
It means, I'mma save Russell.

590
00:50:31,218 --> 00:50:33,214
Maybe I couldn't save
Nessa, but maybe I can

591
00:50:33,226 --> 00:50:35,234
save a robust teenager
from New Zealand.

592
00:50:35,258 --> 00:50:39,312
Yeah, what I mean is the word selfless.
I really don't know what that means.

593
00:50:39,336 --> 00:50:41,218
- Jesus Christ.
- Okay.

594
00:50:41,235 --> 00:50:43,289
Look, according to my guy,

595
00:50:43,313 --> 00:50:47,148
those muties are being transferred
to a super-max 80 miles away.

596
00:50:47,172 --> 00:50:51,173
- Great. I'll pick them off along the way.
- Hold your testicles there, buddy. Okay?

597
00:50:51,197 --> 00:50:55,915
We're talking about an armored convoy. And,
a vicious super-soldier from the future

598
00:50:55,939 --> 00:50:57,774
just looking to turn your skull
into a fuckable ashtray.

599
00:50:57,786 --> 00:50:59,632
You know what we need to do?

600
00:50:59,656 --> 00:51:02,688
We need to build a fucking team.
We need them tough,

601
00:51:02,712 --> 00:51:06,554
morally flexible, and young enough so they
can carry this franchise 10 to 12 years.

602
00:51:06,578 --> 00:51:10,756
- My body is an instrument of death.
- Not now, Dopinder.

603
00:51:10,780 --> 00:51:14,842
- I could be of great use.
- What's your superpower?

604
00:51:16,362 --> 00:51:18,121
That's adorable.

605
00:51:18,145 --> 00:51:20,742
You had the courage to
check and see if there're

606
00:51:20,754 --> 00:51:23,363
enough sanitary napkins
in the dispenser?

607
00:51:23,387 --> 00:51:26,335
Sorry you had to see that.
No, I'm glad you heard it.

608
00:51:27,064 --> 00:51:31,264
All right, I'll put out a call for resumes.
But we're not paying medical or dental.

609
00:51:31,288 --> 00:51:34,165
It's time to get
back on Linkedln.

610
00:52:11,388 --> 00:52:14,591
Transport will begin
at 0800 hours.

611
00:52:15,817 --> 00:52:19,158
- The fuck you want?
- That's my fucking pudding.

612
00:52:19,182 --> 00:52:21,246
Fuck your pudding.

613
00:52:42,414 --> 00:52:43,953
Hello?

614
00:52:45,601 --> 00:52:47,703
I know you're in there.

615
00:53:03,606 --> 00:53:06,215
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.

616
00:53:07,262 --> 00:53:08,887
Lonely at the top.

617
00:53:09,496 --> 00:53:12,114
They're moving us tomorrow.

618
00:53:14,008 --> 00:53:16,848
Maybe I can get you out of here.

619
00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:20,797
We can make the whole
world our bitch.

620
00:53:22,054 --> 00:53:25,037
We need a secret code.

621
00:53:26,287 --> 00:53:29,427
No, that's stupid, Russell.
You idiot.

622
00:53:36,888 --> 00:53:40,396
We're a team. We're like
thugs, we're like gangsters.

623
00:53:40,420 --> 00:53:43,724
I'm like 2Pac, and
you're like Ice Cube.

624
00:53:47,116 --> 00:53:48,861
Terrific. These
are all terrific.

625
00:53:48,885 --> 00:53:50,712
Meet Bedlam.

626
00:53:50,736 --> 00:53:52,983
Cool name. Superpowers?

627
00:53:53,007 --> 00:53:55,796
I can distort electrical fields.

628
00:53:55,820 --> 00:54:02,046
Including the one inside your brain.
Causing anxiety, confusion, pain.

629
00:54:02,907 --> 00:54:06,345
So basically, you're Dave Matthews.
We can use him.

630
00:54:07,517 --> 00:54:10,329
- I'm Zeitgeist.
- Cool.

631
00:54:10,431 --> 00:54:13,760
I'd like to say you have the
power to put your finger on the,

632
00:54:13,784 --> 00:54:18,727
- the pulse of society?
- No. No, I spit acidic vomit.

633
00:54:19,623 --> 00:54:22,217
- You want me to demonstrate?
- No, we'll take your word for it.

634
00:54:22,241 --> 00:54:24,930
Listen, we're all eating at Arby's.
Okay?

635
00:54:24,954 --> 00:54:27,602
This is the Vanisher.

636
00:54:30,306 --> 00:54:31,500
But...

637
00:54:33,006 --> 00:54:35,045
Vanisher!

638
00:54:36,819 --> 00:54:39,154
- Nice!
- Right?

639
00:54:39,772 --> 00:54:42,662
- He's not here, is he?
- He may be running late.

640
00:54:44,177 --> 00:54:48,021
- My name's Rusty but I go by Shatterstar.
- That's good. Yeah.

641
00:54:48,045 --> 00:54:50,346
Rusty is... terrible.

642
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,291
- So, where are you from?
- The planet Mojoworld.

643
00:54:53,315 --> 00:54:57,034
So you're an alien, I guess.
How does that help us?

644
00:54:57,050 --> 00:55:00,002
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

645
00:55:00,026 --> 00:55:02,738
For just once I wanna find a
planet with people that are worse

646
00:55:02,750 --> 00:55:05,474
than me at everything. Whole
bunch of functional idiots.

647
00:55:05,498 --> 00:55:08,692
- I'm gonna go there and be their Superman.
- Isn't that Canada?

648
00:55:08,716 --> 00:55:11,606
You shut your goddamn
trash mouth.

649
00:55:12,779 --> 00:55:14,302
- Meet...
- Domino.

650
00:55:14,326 --> 00:55:16,458
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.

651
00:55:16,482 --> 00:55:18,010
If you're so lucky then what
are you doing here with us?

652
00:55:18,022 --> 00:55:19,562
I don't know yet.

653
00:55:19,586 --> 00:55:22,255
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means that I don't know yet.

654
00:55:22,279 --> 00:55:24,419
But there's a reason why I'm here.
I don't know

655
00:55:24,431 --> 00:55:26,583
why I know. Everything
usually works out for me.

656
00:55:26,607 --> 00:55:29,169
- Luck isn't a superpower.
- Yes, it is.

657
00:55:29,193 --> 00:55:32,505
- No it's not. No-nay. Mario No-pez.
- Yes it is. Hmm-mmm.

658
00:55:32,529 --> 00:55:33,529
- Yeah.
- Not-cho cheese.

659
00:55:33,545 --> 00:55:35,513
- No, definitely...
- There's no way...

660
00:55:35,537 --> 00:55:37,857
- I, sorry I was interrupting you.
- No. I interrupted you.

661
00:55:37,881 --> 00:55:40,614
- No, no, no. You can go first.
- I was just gonna say, no it's not.

662
00:55:40,636 --> 00:55:43,371
I was gonna just bring it
back to that, yes, it is.

663
00:55:43,395 --> 00:55:45,227
Let's meet in the middle
and say no, it isn't.

664
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:47,082
But it is.

665
00:55:47,106 --> 00:55:48,106
Okay...

666
00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:51,316
- You're hired!
- Oh, lucky me.

667
00:55:51,340 --> 00:55:52,793
She's great.

668
00:55:53,207 --> 00:55:56,012
- And last, but not least.
- Peter.

669
00:55:57,471 --> 00:55:59,705
Are you cat-fished here? Or...

670
00:56:00,010 --> 00:56:03,252
Any powers you wanna tell us about?
Any, uh... Nope?

671
00:56:03,541 --> 00:56:08,400
I don't have them. I just saw the
ad and, thought it looked fun.

672
00:56:09,644 --> 00:56:10,721
- You're in.
- Yeah.

673
00:56:10,745 --> 00:56:11,847
Fuck!

674
00:56:20,297 --> 00:56:22,031
Let's go!

675
00:56:35,453 --> 00:56:39,054
This is convoy 17. Departing the Icebox.
We're inbound.

676
00:56:46,901 --> 00:56:49,674
Peacetime makes people soft.

677
00:56:50,689 --> 00:56:53,088
I was born into war.

678
00:56:54,135 --> 00:56:56,181
Bred into it.

679
00:56:56,502 --> 00:56:59,728
- Okay.
- People think they understand pain.

680
00:57:00,282 --> 00:57:03,719
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

681
00:57:04,703 --> 00:57:07,383
- These strains are pretty...
- I've done a list.

682
00:57:08,172 --> 00:57:12,742
We're gonna work down it.
Together.

683
00:57:13,016 --> 00:57:15,992
Number one, I'm gonna
bend something.

684
00:57:16,117 --> 00:57:18,507
Something that was
not meant to bend.

685
00:57:18,531 --> 00:57:20,827
Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.
Because I'm not gonna make it to two.

686
00:57:20,844 --> 00:57:23,913
I won't even make it to one. I
don't do well with pain, you know?

687
00:57:23,929 --> 00:57:26,531
I'm done for the day.

688
00:57:26,547 --> 00:57:28,866
I cried when they
cancelled Felicity.

689
00:57:28,883 --> 00:57:32,179
Right. I'm really scared, I get nervous
erections. I got one right now.

690
00:57:32,195 --> 00:57:34,078
Don't look at it, only make it worse.
I don't

691
00:57:34,090 --> 00:57:35,984
want you to hurt me and
I'll tell you anything,

692
00:57:36,008 --> 00:57:40,179
anything you wanna know.
Except for where they are.

693
00:57:40,203 --> 00:57:42,937
Russell's in a convoy heading
southbound on Cherry Duggan

694
00:57:42,949 --> 00:57:45,695
parkway. The monster's with him.
I wouldn't fuck with him.

695
00:57:45,719 --> 00:57:49,782
Intercept the convoy. Grab the boy.
Not inappropriately.

696
00:57:49,806 --> 00:57:53,352
Know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool
either. Because he's built a team.

697
00:57:53,376 --> 00:57:55,403
He's unstoppable.

698
00:57:55,415 --> 00:57:57,454
He has an ass-pen. He'll
stab you with it.

699
00:57:57,471 --> 00:57:59,877
Watch out for this guy, Cable.

700
00:57:59,885 --> 00:58:03,353
He's very short. 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

701
00:58:03,377 --> 00:58:05,956
And if we succeed, we'll
all go home early.

702
00:58:05,980 --> 00:58:09,011
So you go after them Cable.
I warn you.

703
00:58:09,535 --> 00:58:11,953
There's a wind
advisory in effect.

704
00:58:22,291 --> 00:58:24,533
A little turbulent out there.

705
00:58:31,295 --> 00:58:33,882
I don't know much about this
Cable fella, but I guarantee,

706
00:58:33,906 --> 00:58:36,584
he hasn't killed as many
people as melanoma has.

707
00:58:38,083 --> 00:58:41,171
- We're getting close.
- As a former X-Man...

708
00:58:41,174 --> 00:58:42,872
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.

709
00:58:42,896 --> 00:58:46,834
I was always appalled by the blatant
sexism in the group's name.

710
00:58:46,858 --> 00:58:48,794
"X-Men?" Men?

711
00:58:48,818 --> 00:58:53,201
The point is our group will be
forward-thinking. Gender neutral.

712
00:58:53,225 --> 00:58:56,521
From now on, we'll
be known as...

713
00:58:57,817 --> 00:58:59,371
X-Force.

714
00:58:59,380 --> 00:59:01,587
Isn't that a little derivative?

715
00:59:01,599 --> 00:59:03,817
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter.

716
00:59:04,597 --> 00:59:06,378
That wasn't me.

717
00:59:13,068 --> 00:59:17,258
Hang along, we are at 1,300 feet.
Intercept the convoy and grab the boy.

718
00:59:17,282 --> 00:59:20,922
- Let's bring on the carnage, baby!
- Get me on the ground, watch me go!

719
00:59:20,946 --> 00:59:22,766
- Yeah!
- Woo!

720
00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:28,626
I just... I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

721
00:59:28,650 --> 00:59:31,743
You know, you guys,
look amazing.

722
00:59:31,767 --> 00:59:34,564
Vanisher I have no doubt
you look amazing, too.

723
00:59:34,588 --> 00:59:37,744
If this is the family that I've
always dreamed of having, I had...

724
00:59:38,104 --> 00:59:40,884
Shit. I missed out.

725
00:59:40,908 --> 00:59:42,854
I have struggles
with that sometimes.

726
00:59:42,878 --> 00:59:44,695
- I hate to interrupt
but is anybody

727
00:59:44,707 --> 00:59:46,536
nervous about the hard winds?
- Gary.

728
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:49,288
- My name's Peter.
- I realize you're new to this. Relax.

729
00:59:49,312 --> 00:59:52,374
- You've been chosen by a higher power.
- Did he just call himself god?

730
00:59:52,398 --> 00:59:54,449
- I think he did.
- I'd like to go home.

731
00:59:54,473 --> 00:59:57,394
And I'd like the McRib to
be available year-round!

732
00:59:57,418 --> 00:59:58,769
But sometimes...

733
00:59:59,371 --> 01:00:02,714
You think we didn't jump out the
plane to get a light breeze?

734
01:00:02,738 --> 01:00:05,104
Cure this shit now, moustache!

735
01:00:05,128 --> 01:00:07,272
I'm only yelling to impress
the other guys. I'll

736
01:00:07,284 --> 01:00:09,440
never let anything happen
to you, Sugarbear.

737
01:00:09,456 --> 01:00:12,776
Hit it!

738
01:00:20,269 --> 01:00:23,573
Go! Go! Go!

739
01:00:57,778 --> 01:00:59,372
Let's get some!

740
01:01:00,740 --> 01:01:02,084
Oh, yeah!

741
01:01:02,108 --> 01:01:05,498
Convoy, 12 o'clock.
On my command.

742
01:01:05,686 --> 01:01:07,897
Deploy!

743
01:01:14,323 --> 01:01:16,526
A little off-course here.

744
01:01:17,784 --> 01:01:20,784
Holy mommy fucking shit!

745
01:01:21,893 --> 01:01:25,916
There they are. Look at these
gorgeous sons of bitches.

746
01:01:26,783 --> 01:01:29,189
Oh, yeah. That's right, Bedlam.

747
01:01:34,828 --> 01:01:37,593
Motherfucking village!

748
01:01:38,087 --> 01:01:41,477
Shatterstar. Okay. You got this.

749
01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,297
Left. Left!

750
01:01:44,313 --> 01:01:47,063
Left, you idiot!

751
01:01:50,466 --> 01:01:54,153
Well, I guess we found
something you're not good at.

752
01:01:54,990 --> 01:01:56,372
Vanisher.

753
01:01:56,482 --> 01:01:59,317
Maybe the wind can't
blow what it can't see.

754
01:02:01,591 --> 01:02:05,200
Really? All right. We
can do this with four.

755
01:02:05,630 --> 01:02:08,356
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy.

756
01:02:08,380 --> 01:02:11,662
That's the stuff. That's
the X-Force spirit.

757
01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:16,098
Never underestimate a man in a moustache.
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

758
01:02:16,372 --> 01:02:20,138
- You're a goddamn superhero, you!
- X-Force!

759
01:02:20,162 --> 01:02:21,787
X-Force!

760
01:02:31,181 --> 01:02:34,353
- Peter.
- I got you. You'll be fine.

761
01:02:34,377 --> 01:02:37,306
You got this big guy.
There we go, Peter!

762
01:02:37,330 --> 01:02:41,274
- We're X-Force, right?
- We're X-Force!

763
01:02:44,237 --> 01:02:46,580
Oh, my God! What the fuck?

764
01:02:46,604 --> 01:02:49,377
Fucking acidic vomit!

765
01:02:50,425 --> 01:02:53,682
Oh, God.

766
01:02:56,220 --> 01:03:00,868
Okay, I'm over the convoy. Where
did the rest of the team land?

767
01:03:01,071 --> 01:03:02,860
Good news and bad news.

768
01:03:02,884 --> 01:03:06,118
The bad news is, the
whole team is dead.

769
01:03:06,142 --> 01:03:09,439
The good news is, I don't think
anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar.

770
01:03:09,463 --> 01:03:13,290
- He was a bit of a prick. But Paul!
- Peter.

771
01:03:13,314 --> 01:03:15,387
Peter. We'll miss him most.

772
01:03:15,411 --> 01:03:18,442
But there is a slight chance
Vanisher could make it.

773
01:03:18,716 --> 01:03:21,740
- Nope. No chance. He's dead.
- The whole team?

774
01:03:21,764 --> 01:03:25,187
- Only the main ones, we're still good.
- Fuck, you are dumb.

775
01:03:25,211 --> 01:03:27,586
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about

776
01:03:27,598 --> 01:03:29,985
it. Who knew these winds
would be so strong?

777
01:03:30,009 --> 01:03:34,384
Everyone. Everyone on the helicopter.
Everyone not on the helicopter.

778
01:03:42,318 --> 01:03:45,719
They're headed into the tunnel.

779
01:03:45,888 --> 01:03:49,919
I'm that kid's only hope. So sit
tight and wait for my word.

780
01:03:50,239 --> 01:03:53,681
Whatever. We're gonna lose them.
I'm dropping in.

781
01:03:53,693 --> 01:03:57,146
That's a negative, sole survivor.
Luck isn't a superpower.

782
01:03:57,170 --> 01:04:01,209
- We are so fucked.
- No. We are certainly not fucked.

783
01:04:04,076 --> 01:04:06,904
Seriously, I don't get it.

784
01:04:06,928 --> 01:04:09,763
What, you shoot luck
lasers out of your eyes?

785
01:04:11,392 --> 01:04:15,931
It's just hard to picture. It's
certainly not very cinematic.

786
01:04:18,274 --> 01:04:20,932
I mean, luck? What coked out,

787
01:04:20,956 --> 01:04:23,331
- Fuck!
- Glass-pipe sucking, freakshow

788
01:04:23,355 --> 01:04:25,708
comic book artist came up
with that little chest turd?

789
01:04:25,732 --> 01:04:29,011
Probably a guy who
can't draw feet!

790
01:04:39,060 --> 01:04:41,775
Once again, it all
falls on my shoulders.

791
01:04:41,799 --> 01:04:44,291
It's why I'm cursed
to be a solo act.

792
01:04:44,315 --> 01:04:46,441
- I'm in.
- I'm sorry. What did you say?

793
01:04:46,465 --> 01:04:49,770
- I'm in.
- How in the fuck are you in already?

794
01:04:49,794 --> 01:04:54,646
- Oh, shit. Cable, 12 o'clock!
- Shit! New plan.

795
01:04:54,670 --> 01:04:58,741
Use all of your imaginary powers to
stop Cable from killing that kid.

796
01:04:58,765 --> 01:05:01,225
I'm coming up on your six.

797
01:05:09,694 --> 01:05:12,342
That is amazing!

798
01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:25,874
- Where is he? I can't see him.
- He's on top of you!

799
01:05:27,451 --> 01:05:31,037
He's going in through the back!
Oh, God, he's inside!

800
01:05:31,061 --> 01:05:33,983
- You hear yourself, right?
- Accidental double entendres!

801
01:05:33,999 --> 01:05:38,741
- Russell. Russell Collins!
- Hands off that kid, John Connor!

802
01:05:43,001 --> 01:05:45,094
No, no, no, no!

803
01:05:48,296 --> 01:05:49,789
Shit!

804
01:06:11,491 --> 01:06:14,016
Two can play that game.

805
01:06:15,454 --> 01:06:17,634
Got it! No, I don't.

806
01:06:17,658 --> 01:06:20,798
- Showtime, momma!
- Lady luck, take the wheel.

807
01:06:58,684 --> 01:07:01,020
I'd ask who you are but
you'll be dead in seconds.

808
01:07:01,032 --> 01:07:03,379
I'm Domino. And doubtful.

809
01:07:19,451 --> 01:07:24,103
Hang in there, Dom!
This is really hard.

810
01:07:35,182 --> 01:07:37,986
You give me back
my ski-ball token.

811
01:07:40,330 --> 01:07:42,994
- You're doing great.
- X-Force!

812
01:07:44,109 --> 01:07:46,562
I guess dubstep never dies.

813
01:07:58,282 --> 01:08:02,141
You killed Black Tom, you
racist son of a bitch!

814
01:08:03,915 --> 01:08:06,221
That's unfortunate.

815
01:08:08,204 --> 01:08:11,532
- We got no brakes.
- Figure it out.

816
01:08:15,149 --> 01:08:17,516
There's nothing I can't kill.

817
01:08:20,437 --> 01:08:23,772
Somebody knows... karate.

818
01:08:26,104 --> 01:08:29,088
Give me your best
shot, one-eyed Willy.

819
01:08:42,815 --> 01:08:44,322
Oww.

820
01:08:44,925 --> 01:08:46,785
Here we go.

821
01:08:46,809 --> 01:08:50,918
- Domino, mind slowing us down?
- Here goes nothing.

822
01:09:22,353 --> 01:09:24,993
Knock, knock.

823
01:09:31,317 --> 01:09:33,887
That's my boy.

824
01:09:38,198 --> 01:09:41,065
Holy...!

825
01:09:49,895 --> 01:09:54,309
I'll be first to admit. This
did not go according to plan.

826
01:09:55,340 --> 01:09:58,778
I'll also be the first to admit that
that plan was written in crayon.

827
01:09:58,802 --> 01:10:01,669
Looks like Russell
found a new friend.

828
01:10:02,051 --> 01:10:06,578
Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass.
And maybe, possibly mildly lucky.

829
01:10:06,602 --> 01:10:10,047
But Cable? Yeesh. That
guy's in the mood.

830
01:10:10,336 --> 01:10:13,914
A mood that is about to
get significantly worse.

831
01:10:36,469 --> 01:10:39,267
There's something that's
terribly, terribly wrong.

832
01:10:45,191 --> 01:10:47,097
Oh, God. That hurt.

833
01:10:56,012 --> 01:11:00,673
Russell? Russell, where are you?

834
01:11:03,207 --> 01:11:04,402
Russell.

835
01:11:04,426 --> 01:11:09,106
Russell, you're okay. Oh, thank Go...
oh, my God!

836
01:11:09,130 --> 01:11:10,856
Juggernaut!

837
01:11:11,836 --> 01:11:15,671
I thought that was you. I
shoulda worn my white pants.

838
01:11:16,506 --> 01:11:20,240
You probably get this a
lot, but I am a huge fan.

839
01:11:20,475 --> 01:11:24,067
Uncanny X-Men, 103, 4411,

840
01:11:24,091 --> 01:11:26,555
X-Men Unlimited 12,
you know it's always

841
01:11:26,579 --> 01:11:29,058
been a dream of mine to see
my face reflected in your

842
01:11:29,070 --> 01:11:31,561
helmet as you charge at
me with murderous intent.

843
01:11:31,585 --> 01:11:33,216
I don't mean right now.

844
01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:38,501
- I'm gonna rip you in half now.
- That's such a Juggernaut thing to say.

845
01:11:41,413 --> 01:11:43,287
Oh, my God!

846
01:11:43,311 --> 01:11:46,053
Oh, God, I can't feel my legs.

847
01:11:47,904 --> 01:11:51,068
Oh, well. They're right here.
Got them.

848
01:11:51,092 --> 01:11:51,874
Russell.

849
01:11:51,898 --> 01:11:54,084
I have a mission.

850
01:11:54,108 --> 01:11:56,046
To get my revenge.

851
01:11:56,070 --> 01:12:00,241
- I'm going to burn that Headmaster alive.
- You're not the revenge type.

852
01:12:00,374 --> 01:12:03,537
- Take it from a friend.
- Friend?

853
01:12:03,561 --> 01:12:07,849
You were sick and I protected you.
You said it yourself.

854
01:12:07,873 --> 01:12:10,036
I'm not your friend.

855
01:12:10,060 --> 01:12:12,903
Find someone stronger, so I did.

856
01:12:13,770 --> 01:12:16,676
Russell, I couldn't protect
you back then, but

857
01:12:16,688 --> 01:12:19,605
I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

858
01:12:19,980 --> 01:12:24,230
I care about you? 'Cause goddammit,
I care about you, Russell.

859
01:12:24,484 --> 01:12:28,171
What's Juggernaut got that I don't have?
Don't you say "legs"!

860
01:12:28,312 --> 01:12:31,445
- I know you're gonna say "legs"!
- Legs!

861
01:12:31,469 --> 01:12:33,746
Still hurts to hear out loud.

862
01:12:35,173 --> 01:12:38,477
What is that? What is tha...
That's not a real rope.

863
01:12:38,501 --> 01:12:40,883
You get back here, young man!

864
01:12:41,189 --> 01:12:42,781
Doms...

865
01:12:42,805 --> 01:12:45,187
Doms, get me out of here please.

866
01:12:45,211 --> 01:12:48,337
Use my arms as backpack straps.

867
01:12:50,496 --> 01:12:53,558
Think we may have found your
cosmic reason for being here.

868
01:12:53,726 --> 01:12:57,265
- Pretty sure this isn't it.
- X-Force.

869
01:13:10,216 --> 01:13:12,396
No child is hopeless.

870
01:13:12,420 --> 01:13:14,260
- Don't give up on the boy.
- How could he just

871
01:13:14,284 --> 01:13:18,102
walk away? There was
coldness in his eyes.

872
01:13:18,403 --> 01:13:20,526
You should have heard it.

873
01:13:22,192 --> 01:13:24,903
I guess family
really is an F-word.

874
01:13:25,243 --> 01:13:27,625
Rub my legs, mama?

875
01:13:27,649 --> 01:13:29,110
Mama not rub your legs.

876
01:13:29,134 --> 01:13:32,641
Please. It hurt. I
have growing pains.

877
01:13:35,004 --> 01:13:36,528
What in the?

878
01:13:36,715 --> 01:13:39,646
Why is your hand so
tiny, and your...

879
01:13:39,670 --> 01:13:43,864
- That's not my hand.
- Oh, Mary mother of Joseph!

880
01:13:43,888 --> 01:13:46,934
- That was nice for me.
- Wade!

881
01:13:46,958 --> 01:13:49,786
Hey, I heard what happened
with the convoy and...!

882
01:13:52,616 --> 01:13:55,234
Why wouldn't you cover that up?

883
01:13:55,258 --> 01:13:57,642
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

884
01:13:57,666 --> 01:14:01,788
Not if you do it. Look at you, you're
just straight-shirt cocking it?

885
01:14:01,812 --> 01:14:05,178
- Toddler-style?
- Oh, yeah. Full Winnie The Pooh.

886
01:14:05,202 --> 01:14:06,930
What the hell's happening?
Describe it.

887
01:14:06,942 --> 01:14:08,682
I wouldn't ask him to
do that if I were you.

888
01:14:08,706 --> 01:14:11,756
- Here we go.
- It's like he was giving birth anally

889
01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:14,110
but they quit halfway through.
They got the legs out

890
01:14:14,134 --> 01:14:16,174
- and they said, "you know what? I'm done."
- Happy?

891
01:14:16,198 --> 01:14:18,939
It's like he's a muppet from
the waist down but this time,

892
01:14:18,963 --> 01:14:22,104
you can see the muppet's dick. God,
he's got a cock the size of...

893
01:14:22,128 --> 01:14:25,799
double-park. I got three written...
What?

894
01:14:26,619 --> 01:14:29,337
No. No. No. DP, not again.

895
01:14:29,361 --> 01:14:31,525
This has happened before?

896
01:14:32,102 --> 01:14:34,698
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
The decision is killing me.

897
01:14:34,722 --> 01:14:37,165
Why couldn't God
take my hearing.

898
01:14:39,698 --> 01:14:42,318
- Wow.
- Cool your pants. They're growing back.

899
01:14:42,342 --> 01:14:44,255
I'm talking about your face.

900
01:14:44,279 --> 01:14:47,262
I've never seen you without
your mask before. Jesus Christ!

901
01:14:47,286 --> 01:14:50,465
- Looks like an avocado.
- Your legs, though. They're cute.

902
01:14:50,489 --> 01:14:52,770
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

903
01:14:53,931 --> 01:14:57,877
I'm glad everybody dropped by. You must
be wondering why I didn't call you here.

904
01:14:57,901 --> 01:15:01,737
I'll tell you why I'm here.
The time-traveler's wife's

905
01:15:01,761 --> 01:15:04,832
husband beat me within an inch of my life.
He was torturing me.

906
01:15:04,856 --> 01:15:07,812
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

907
01:15:07,836 --> 01:15:10,756
So, I'm here to help us gear up.

908
01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:13,147
- So we can go after him without me.
- No.

909
01:15:13,171 --> 01:15:16,733
I'm doing this alone. The
Juggernaut will kill you all.

910
01:15:16,757 --> 01:15:18,462
I'll just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.

911
01:15:18,474 --> 01:15:20,191
What will you do?

912
01:15:20,199 --> 01:15:23,160
I don't care what the kid did to me.
I won't let Cable get to him

913
01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:24,892
even if I have to
teabag him to death.

914
01:15:24,904 --> 01:15:26,624
It's really just a sip
of tea at this point.

915
01:15:26,648 --> 01:15:28,576
Zip it, Black-Black Widow.
I'm flowing. The first

916
01:15:28,588 --> 01:15:30,528
order of business is to
get me in front of Cable

917
01:15:30,552 --> 01:15:32,657
so I can put all the
fucking blood out of his

918
01:15:32,669 --> 01:15:34,785
body and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

919
01:15:34,809 --> 01:15:36,692
Then, I'm gonna take his skin.

920
01:15:36,716 --> 01:15:40,121
And stretch it out over
our homemade mating drum.

921
01:15:41,055 --> 01:15:43,610
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

922
01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:53,494
What in the ass.

923
01:15:53,518 --> 01:15:56,438
Is this apartment listed on Tinder?
Grindr?

924
01:15:56,462 --> 01:15:59,899
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.

925
01:16:00,165 --> 01:16:02,962
Is that really necessary?

926
01:16:04,429 --> 01:16:07,522
No. It's his Basic Instinct.

927
01:16:07,546 --> 01:16:09,365
What can we help you with?

928
01:16:09,389 --> 01:16:11,974
I'm here to proposition you.

929
01:16:13,545 --> 01:16:17,022
- He's really teeing it up, is he?
- He gets to make the first joke.

930
01:16:17,046 --> 01:16:18,237
I think we shot through
him at the same time.

931
01:16:18,249 --> 01:16:19,452
Good call.

932
01:16:19,476 --> 01:16:20,898
For $45 you get sucky-suck...

933
01:16:20,922 --> 01:16:23,395
- I only do over the pants. Mouths step...
- Fuck!

934
01:16:23,419 --> 01:16:25,795
The Proposition has a wonderful
Guy Pearce performance.

935
01:16:25,819 --> 01:16:27,647
Wait, wait, wait. I
wanna do mine over.

936
01:16:27,671 --> 01:16:28,709
Give us the line again?

937
01:16:28,733 --> 01:16:30,185
I need your help!

938
01:16:30,344 --> 01:16:32,884
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are.

939
01:16:32,908 --> 01:16:35,846
But you unleashed the
Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!

940
01:16:35,870 --> 01:16:37,994
I can't bring him down alone.

941
01:16:38,018 --> 01:16:40,275
So here we are.

942
01:16:41,041 --> 01:16:44,563
Well we're no longer accepting
applications for X-Force, unfortunately.

943
01:16:44,587 --> 01:16:46,033
Even if we were...

944
01:16:46,057 --> 01:16:47,641
There's a wind
advisory in effect...

945
01:16:47,665 --> 01:16:50,845
We don't have a lot of time. Your
friend's about to make his first kill.

946
01:16:50,869 --> 01:16:52,371
No offense, but if
you know so much,

947
01:16:52,395 --> 01:16:54,971
why not travel back to when he
was a baby and kill him then?

948
01:16:54,995 --> 01:16:57,257
Or better yet, head back a little further.
Kill baby Hitler.

949
01:16:57,269 --> 01:16:59,542
I use a device to
slide through time.

950
01:16:59,566 --> 01:17:02,081
The longer I travel, the
harder it is to control.

951
01:17:02,105 --> 01:17:06,472
I got two charges. One to get
me here, one to get me home.

952
01:17:06,878 --> 01:17:09,487
That's just lazy writing.

953
01:17:09,499 --> 01:17:12,119
Your boy's gonna kill the Headmaster
in the orphanage tonight.

954
01:17:12,143 --> 01:17:14,662
After that, he gets a
real taste for it.

955
01:17:14,674 --> 01:17:17,204
Like 10-year old Kirsten
Dunst, motherfucker.

956
01:17:17,228 --> 01:17:20,363
So he keeps killing.
And killing.

957
01:17:20,926 --> 01:17:22,369
And killing.

958
01:17:22,393 --> 01:17:26,228
Until one day he kills the
wrong fucking people.

959
01:17:27,855 --> 01:17:29,409
My people.

960
01:17:32,874 --> 01:17:34,444
Relax.

961
01:17:34,468 --> 01:17:37,187
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

962
01:17:37,211 --> 01:17:41,899
It's a goddamn fanny pack and you
know it, you sick son of a bitch.

963
01:17:41,923 --> 01:17:44,344
The difference is night and day.

964
01:17:45,739 --> 01:17:47,938
You remind me of my wife.

965
01:17:48,481 --> 01:17:50,834
- I'm sorry?
- I said, you remind me of my...

966
01:17:50,858 --> 01:17:52,924
No, I'm sorry that you said that.
While making

967
01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:55,014
heavy eye contact and
applying lip balm.

968
01:17:55,022 --> 01:17:56,959
She always joked.

969
01:17:57,100 --> 01:17:58,824
And she was funny.

970
01:17:58,848 --> 01:18:01,816
She filtered her pain.
Replaced it with humor.

971
01:18:01,934 --> 01:18:04,708
Something I could never master.

972
01:18:04,732 --> 01:18:07,560
It was my fault she died.

973
01:18:08,755 --> 01:18:12,218
It was my job to stop
people like him.

974
01:18:12,544 --> 01:18:16,478
I came close, a few times.

975
01:18:18,531 --> 01:18:21,445
I wasn't too happy about that.

976
01:18:22,046 --> 01:18:26,069
But he was trying to hurt me and
he knew exactly how to do it.

977
01:18:29,642 --> 01:18:33,524
Blessed are the wicked who
are healed by my hand.

978
01:18:35,934 --> 01:18:38,270
He came into my home...

979
01:18:38,294 --> 01:18:41,426
And took the only thing
that made it a home.

980
01:18:45,396 --> 01:18:49,122
- Sound familiar?
- I'm sorry.

981
01:18:49,717 --> 01:18:51,756
No. I'm really sorry.

982
01:18:53,234 --> 01:18:55,327
But that isn't Russell.

983
01:18:55,585 --> 01:18:57,825
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...

984
01:18:57,849 --> 01:19:02,625
Yeah. He's got anger issues. Maybe a small
learning disability. A splash of diabetes.

985
01:19:02,649 --> 01:19:05,709
- But nothing that can't be fixed...
- If you can go back...

986
01:19:05,733 --> 01:19:08,419
And stop the people that
took your girl, would you?

987
01:19:08,443 --> 01:19:10,612
Of course, I fucking would.

988
01:19:10,762 --> 01:19:14,058
- But I wouldn't kill a kid.
- I'm not asking you to kill the kid.

989
01:19:14,082 --> 01:19:15,737
I'll kill the kid.

990
01:19:15,761 --> 01:19:19,244
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

991
01:19:19,268 --> 01:19:21,800
Russell's gonna burn
down that orphanage.

992
01:19:21,824 --> 01:19:24,214
And I can imagine your
dead girlfriend would've

993
01:19:24,226 --> 01:19:26,628
wanted you to do the right
thing, wouldn't she?

994
01:19:26,968 --> 01:19:30,321
So what's it gonna be, handsome?

995
01:19:30,345 --> 01:19:32,635
- Give me a chance to save him.
- What?

996
01:19:32,659 --> 01:19:35,331
You said it. Once he kills
someone, he gets a taste for it.

997
01:19:35,355 --> 01:19:39,401
If we can get to him before that happens,
promise you'll give me a chance,

998
01:19:39,425 --> 01:19:42,418
- to put him on a different path.
- Define "chance".

999
01:19:42,442 --> 01:19:44,762
I don't know. How long does it
take to save someone's soul?

1000
01:19:44,786 --> 01:19:47,612
- I give you 30 seconds.
- That... what? No.

1001
01:19:47,636 --> 01:19:49,937
Best I can do. Take
it or leave it.

1002
01:20:00,319 --> 01:20:02,866
He's doing it. Look
at the little fella.

1003
01:20:02,890 --> 01:20:05,405
He's doing it. Here it comes.

1004
01:20:05,429 --> 01:20:06,937
Jesus Christ.

1005
01:20:06,961 --> 01:20:09,491
Just shirt cockin'.

1006
01:20:10,265 --> 01:20:14,325
Here you go, little fella.
Go on, you're doing it.

1007
01:20:14,349 --> 01:20:17,770
You beautiful, hairless,
twizzler-legged baby boy.

1008
01:20:19,615 --> 01:20:20,615
Christ.

1009
01:20:20,639 --> 01:20:22,124
That's disturbing.

1010
01:20:22,148 --> 01:20:24,405
Thirty seconds.

1011
01:20:28,893 --> 01:20:31,494
- Deal.
- Deal.

1012
01:20:33,154 --> 01:20:37,560
- I have no idea what's happening.
- Probably for the best.

1013
01:20:38,959 --> 01:20:42,210
And that, is why you never
eat a raw starfish.

1014
01:20:42,234 --> 01:20:43,782
It's just common sense.

1015
01:20:44,798 --> 01:20:46,361
Where the hell are we going?

1016
01:20:46,385 --> 01:20:49,510
You said it yourself. Nothing
can stop the Juggernaut.

1017
01:20:49,534 --> 01:20:51,365
We need backup.

1018
01:20:51,377 --> 01:20:53,220
I will bathe in the
blood of your enemies.

1019
01:20:57,469 --> 01:20:59,809
Can you turn off the music?

1020
01:21:00,100 --> 01:21:02,483
You will do no such thing.

1021
01:21:02,617 --> 01:21:04,853
Why don't you just say
it in an Indian accent?

1022
01:21:04,877 --> 01:21:06,381
What the hell are you...

1023
01:21:06,393 --> 01:21:07,908
Once again, intolerance
rears its ugly head.

1024
01:21:07,932 --> 01:21:09,652
I'm so sorry. It gets better.

1025
01:21:09,676 --> 01:21:11,606
I'm not a fucking
racist, you moron.

1026
01:21:11,630 --> 01:21:14,348
Tell it to Black Tom. He
was like a brother to me.

1027
01:21:14,372 --> 01:21:17,754
I'm with the old white guy on this one.
Not such a waste.

1028
01:21:17,864 --> 01:21:20,700
So what exactly do you do
in this future anyway, huh?

1029
01:21:20,724 --> 01:21:21,820
Some kind of soldier?

1030
01:21:21,844 --> 01:21:23,713
Yeah. Something like that.

1031
01:21:23,737 --> 01:21:25,909
I was a soldier. Special Forces.

1032
01:21:25,933 --> 01:21:28,306
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1033
01:21:28,318 --> 01:21:30,703
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1034
01:21:30,727 --> 01:21:33,588
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.

1035
01:21:33,612 --> 01:21:34,570
Boom!

1036
01:21:34,594 --> 01:21:35,827
Spoiler alert!

1037
01:21:37,461 --> 01:21:38,859
Planets.

1038
01:21:38,883 --> 01:21:40,477
Next time, Uber.

1039
01:21:40,501 --> 01:21:42,445
Here's a spoiler alert:

1040
01:21:42,469 --> 01:21:44,946
You're not a fucking hero.

1041
01:21:44,970 --> 01:21:48,540
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1042
01:21:48,747 --> 01:21:51,443
Well I got news for you. My
heart's in the right place.

1043
01:21:51,467 --> 01:21:53,084
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

1044
01:21:53,108 --> 01:21:55,593
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1045
01:21:55,617 --> 01:21:59,163
Because of you, I'll always know what a
grown man with baby balls looks like.

1046
01:21:59,187 --> 01:22:01,664
I'm a grower. Not a shower.

1047
01:22:01,688 --> 01:22:04,273
- I should've finished college.
- Right here!

1048
01:22:21,962 --> 01:22:24,295
I've made mistakes.

1049
01:22:24,319 --> 01:22:27,602
I wanna take it back.
You trusted me,

1050
01:22:27,626 --> 01:22:32,156
I took that trust and turned it into
a glory hole in an airport bathroom.

1051
01:22:32,180 --> 01:22:33,945
The one in Minneapolis.

1052
01:22:33,969 --> 01:22:35,652
You know the one.

1053
01:22:35,676 --> 01:22:37,143
Colossus?

1054
01:22:37,167 --> 01:22:39,519
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death.

1055
01:22:39,543 --> 01:22:41,628
That kid needs our help.

1056
01:22:41,652 --> 01:22:45,098
I know you're listening. He's
teamed up with the Juggernaut.

1057
01:22:45,122 --> 01:22:48,233
The Juggernaut! That's like my
favorite Marvel character ever

1058
01:22:48,257 --> 01:22:52,225
but you should never meet your heroes.
Because honestly, he's a bit of a dick.

1059
01:22:52,342 --> 01:22:54,796
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock

1060
01:22:54,820 --> 01:22:56,803
and causes nothing but problems!

1061
01:22:56,827 --> 01:22:58,695
- Hi, Wade!
- Hi, Yukio.

1062
01:22:58,718 --> 01:23:01,108
You guys make a super cute couple.
Yeah.

1063
01:23:01,132 --> 01:23:04,084
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Colossus, look...

1064
01:23:04,108 --> 01:23:06,828
I don't deserve your
friendship, or your help.

1065
01:23:06,852 --> 01:23:08,561
But this kid does.

1066
01:23:08,585 --> 01:23:11,553
And I'm not gonna bail on
him like everyone else.

1067
01:23:13,132 --> 01:23:15,366
Oh, come on.

1068
01:23:19,362 --> 01:23:23,908
Any chance Pigeon-wings is available?
That's just fine.

1069
01:23:23,932 --> 01:23:26,440
That's fine. No, you know what?

1070
01:23:26,464 --> 01:23:30,239
Doing the right thing is
sometimes messy and fucked up,

1071
01:23:30,263 --> 01:23:32,833
and not particularly convenient.

1072
01:23:32,857 --> 01:23:35,849
So stay here, in
Chateau des Virgin,

1073
01:23:35,873 --> 01:23:38,849
while we go get our fuck on.

1074
01:23:41,303 --> 01:23:43,380
You're doing great.

1075
01:23:48,117 --> 01:23:51,469
So you wear that helmet because your
brother tries to read your mind?

1076
01:23:51,493 --> 01:23:54,828
Yeah, but he's in a
wheelchair, so even steven.

1077
01:23:54,852 --> 01:23:57,444
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1078
01:23:57,468 --> 01:23:59,686
And he's not alone.

1079
01:23:59,710 --> 01:24:02,171
Secure the children.

1080
01:24:05,469 --> 01:24:08,407
What do you say we go
fuck some shit up?

1081
01:24:08,431 --> 01:24:10,055
"Let's fuck some shit up",

1082
01:24:10,079 --> 01:24:12,375
is my legal middle name.

1083
01:24:15,476 --> 01:24:18,452
Watch my back. I
got the old man.

1084
01:24:18,476 --> 01:24:20,395
Amen, brother.

1085
01:24:26,007 --> 01:24:27,905
Time to get the chimichangas.

1086
01:24:27,929 --> 01:24:29,483
Thirty seconds.

1087
01:24:30,169 --> 01:24:32,700
I finally know why I'm here.

1088
01:24:32,841 --> 01:24:34,858
I was raised in this place.

1089
01:24:34,882 --> 01:24:37,154
But... not raised.
I was tortured.

1090
01:24:37,178 --> 01:24:40,532
Wow. It's your cosmic reason
for being here. Shall we?

1091
01:24:40,556 --> 01:24:42,593
This is gonna be fun!

1092
01:24:42,617 --> 01:24:45,249
Hey. Been meaning to ask
you, what's with the,

1093
01:24:45,273 --> 01:24:47,827
creepy, dirty hobo-bear?

1094
01:24:47,851 --> 01:24:51,546
That's not dirt. That's the
blood of my dead daughter.

1095
01:24:53,601 --> 01:24:55,546
I get gluten sensitivity.

1096
01:24:55,570 --> 01:24:59,335
One glass of wine would just...
Yeah.

1097
01:25:02,844 --> 01:25:05,875
Wish we could head back in
time and take all that back.

1098
01:25:05,899 --> 01:25:07,859
We should just cue the music.

1099
01:25:32,401 --> 01:25:34,291
Welcome home, Russell.

1100
01:25:34,315 --> 01:25:36,182
We missed you.

1101
01:25:36,456 --> 01:25:38,874
Russell! You don't
need to do this.

1102
01:25:38,898 --> 01:25:40,437
Let's talk.

1103
01:25:40,831 --> 01:25:43,401
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?

1104
01:25:46,315 --> 01:25:48,738
- That's why.
- This little fucker's too far gone.

1105
01:25:48,762 --> 01:25:51,730
Zip it, Thanos. We have a deal.
You...

1106
01:25:52,029 --> 01:25:53,029
Hey!

1107
01:25:53,053 --> 01:25:57,396
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your ass.

1108
01:25:57,560 --> 01:25:59,942
My modelling hands are so soft.

1109
01:25:59,966 --> 01:26:03,126
- You should probably head back to the car.
- I think I'll head back to the car.

1110
01:26:03,997 --> 01:26:07,122
It works best when you
pull the trigger.

1111
01:26:09,754 --> 01:26:12,097
Your gun's amazing.

1112
01:26:12,309 --> 01:26:13,833
Say it!

1113
01:26:15,684 --> 01:26:19,160
You are an abomination!

1114
01:26:26,081 --> 01:26:29,339
Now I'm gonna shove the
red guy up the old guy.

1115
01:26:29,363 --> 01:26:32,020
I believe him. Every
man for themselves!

1116
01:26:36,293 --> 01:26:37,925
Gotcha!

1117
01:26:42,035 --> 01:26:45,152
You okay, big guy? The
sun's getting real low.

1118
01:26:45,176 --> 01:26:47,285
Ah, shit-fucker.

1119
01:27:00,436 --> 01:27:02,326
Come on, beautiful.

1120
01:27:03,958 --> 01:27:05,474
Say it!

1121
01:28:03,965 --> 01:28:05,621
You came for me.

1122
01:28:05,629 --> 01:28:09,310
I'm not giving up on you and
you're not giving up on that boy.

1123
01:28:09,334 --> 01:28:11,326
Who says that rules aren't
meant to be broken?

1124
01:28:11,350 --> 01:28:13,810
It's time to fight dirty.

1125
01:28:13,826 --> 01:28:16,076
- Time to see the light, Johnny.
- Hey!

1126
01:28:16,100 --> 01:28:20,091
- Pick on someone your own size.
- That's such a you thing to say.

1127
01:28:20,115 --> 01:28:22,158
Go get 'em, tiger!

1128
01:28:22,182 --> 01:28:25,127
Big CGI fight coming up.

1129
01:28:47,084 --> 01:28:49,732
- He's doing great.
- Say it!

1130
01:28:53,690 --> 01:28:56,166
- Russell.
- Bingo!

1131
01:29:10,820 --> 01:29:11,883
Great.

1132
01:29:11,907 --> 01:29:14,882
Bunch of armed pedophiles
in nursing shoes.

1133
01:29:14,906 --> 01:29:18,054
- Can I have one of those guns?
- No.

1134
01:29:18,078 --> 01:29:19,757
That's fine.

1135
01:29:20,499 --> 01:29:24,045
Just gonna use this brick.
Maximum effort.

1136
01:29:29,710 --> 01:29:32,647
Who says you can't
go home again?

1137
01:29:51,998 --> 01:29:53,623
Say it.

1138
01:29:53,647 --> 01:29:57,036
Say what you say everytime
you torture me.

1139
01:29:57,060 --> 01:29:58,084
Say it!

1140
01:29:58,108 --> 01:30:02,052
Blessed are the wicked who are healed!
By my hand!

1141
01:30:02,506 --> 01:30:08,052
Blessed are the wicked, who
are healed by my hand.

1142
01:30:26,026 --> 01:30:28,401
Carny motherfucker!

1143
01:30:54,414 --> 01:30:57,149
Oh my God. Did you
feel that, too?

1144
01:30:57,173 --> 01:31:00,351
Only best buddies execute
pedophiles together.

1145
01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:06,303
- You got 30 seconds, you butt-plug.
- Now you're getting it!

1146
01:31:10,268 --> 01:31:13,143
I need a bus to get
you all out of here.

1147
01:31:18,088 --> 01:31:20,056
Orphans...

1148
01:31:20,080 --> 01:31:21,955
Oh, geez.

1149
01:31:22,955 --> 01:31:24,751
It's time...

1150
01:31:24,775 --> 01:31:26,845
To burn for what you've done!

1151
01:31:26,857 --> 01:31:28,939
A child should not be
burdened with such power.

1152
01:31:36,946 --> 01:31:39,024
Russell! Wait!

1153
01:31:52,584 --> 01:31:55,638
- Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet.
- What more do you need to see?

1154
01:31:55,662 --> 01:31:58,020
Don't you fucking dare!
He's just a kid.

1155
01:31:58,044 --> 01:32:00,403
Tick-tock. He is one.

1156
01:32:12,518 --> 01:32:15,931
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.

1157
01:32:35,849 --> 01:32:38,965
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on.

1158
01:32:38,989 --> 01:32:41,309
Listen to me.

1159
01:33:03,983 --> 01:33:07,109
That's how we do it
in Mother Russia.

1160
01:33:08,370 --> 01:33:11,674
They say millenials are
the hardest to reach.

1161
01:33:17,001 --> 01:33:19,985
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangstah.

1162
01:33:20,165 --> 01:33:23,993
Go home, Wade. You're
ruining everything.

1163
01:33:29,190 --> 01:33:32,174
- I'm getting good at this shit.
- Go, go, go, go, go!

1164
01:33:35,178 --> 01:33:39,318
He dies tonight, Wade.
You can't stop me.

1165
01:33:39,639 --> 01:33:41,699
He even runs like a
fucking pervert.

1166
01:33:41,723 --> 01:33:44,653
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

1167
01:33:45,281 --> 01:33:47,610
I have one bullet
left in that gun.

1168
01:33:47,634 --> 01:33:50,391
Wait, wait, wait. Please just
give me a second. I got this.

1169
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:53,173
Stay back! Go home, Wade.

1170
01:33:53,197 --> 01:33:55,530
Let's talk! There's
nothing going his way.

1171
01:33:55,906 --> 01:33:57,555
That piece of shit...

1172
01:33:57,579 --> 01:34:00,219
He deserves to die for what he did to you.
He hurt you.

1173
01:34:00,243 --> 01:34:01,150
Badly.

1174
01:34:01,174 --> 01:34:03,562
Makes you wanna hurt others.

1175
01:34:03,586 --> 01:34:05,399
But if you kill him, he wins.

1176
01:34:05,423 --> 01:34:07,543
You become everything
he says you are,

1177
01:34:07,567 --> 01:34:09,081
but worse.

1178
01:34:09,238 --> 01:34:10,848
You're just a kid.

1179
01:34:11,051 --> 01:34:13,070
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

1180
01:34:13,094 --> 01:34:16,601
- How do you know what I want?
- Because I've been inside you.

1181
01:34:16,625 --> 01:34:20,435
That came out wrong. I've
been inside your shoes.

1182
01:34:20,459 --> 01:34:23,795
Which, is also off-putting.
It's not a good analogy.

1183
01:34:23,819 --> 01:34:25,756
The point is...

1184
01:34:25,780 --> 01:34:27,537
There are people.

1185
01:34:27,561 --> 01:34:31,820
There are people in this
fucking world besides him,

1186
01:34:31,844 --> 01:34:36,211
who will treat you right. It
isn't too late. Don't do it.

1187
01:34:40,967 --> 01:34:43,615
I never should've
left you there.

1188
01:34:45,616 --> 01:34:48,155
I never should have
left you there.

1189
01:34:54,640 --> 01:34:57,030
I can't trust you.

1190
01:34:57,454 --> 01:35:00,383
I can't trust anybody!

1191
01:35:08,944 --> 01:35:12,562
- Wonderful, kid.
- You can't stop me, Wade!

1192
01:35:14,319 --> 01:35:16,334
I got one more idea.

1193
01:35:16,913 --> 01:35:20,490
- It's just a really bad one, even for me.
- Wade, what are you doing?

1194
01:35:20,514 --> 01:35:23,217
Alright, this is for
all the marbles, kid.

1195
01:35:23,241 --> 01:35:25,607
You gonna trust someone tonight?

1196
01:35:25,631 --> 01:35:29,099
- Blessed are the wicked...
- Then it's gotta be me.

1197
01:35:30,094 --> 01:35:32,857
Who are healed by my hand!

1198
01:36:38,214 --> 01:36:41,317
Tell me, they got
that in slow-motion.

1199
01:36:45,828 --> 01:36:48,219
That's not good.

1200
01:36:49,109 --> 01:36:50,788
No, sir.

1201
01:36:58,121 --> 01:37:02,536
- You sacrificed yourself, for me?
- Yeah.

1202
01:37:02,560 --> 01:37:05,060
And it was the best
thing I ever did.

1203
01:37:06,833 --> 01:37:08,965
I told you I care about you.

1204
01:37:08,989 --> 01:37:11,692
You're a good kid, Russell.

1205
01:37:12,518 --> 01:37:13,712
Hey.

1206
01:37:14,813 --> 01:37:17,736
The bear. It worked.

1207
01:37:24,457 --> 01:37:26,143
Because of you.

1208
01:37:26,167 --> 01:37:29,228
No, Wade. Because of you.

1209
01:37:29,252 --> 01:37:32,481
Stop. Stop! Stop. Stop.

1210
01:37:32,505 --> 01:37:35,489
Just... Just let it happen.

1211
01:37:35,513 --> 01:37:37,584
Okay? I guess...

1212
01:37:37,608 --> 01:37:40,467
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

1213
01:37:40,646 --> 01:37:43,185
That riddle is so fucked up.

1214
01:37:47,469 --> 01:37:49,101
I'm sorry.

1215
01:37:49,118 --> 01:37:50,977
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.

1216
01:37:51,001 --> 01:37:53,563
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.

1217
01:37:53,587 --> 01:37:57,031
Yeah. Please, just, don't leave. I
don't wanna die without an audience.

1218
01:37:57,048 --> 01:37:59,548
- We are not going anywhere.
- Oh, God.

1219
01:37:59,572 --> 01:38:01,884
The Academy is watching.

1220
01:38:03,838 --> 01:38:05,470
Papa?

1221
01:38:07,455 --> 01:38:10,228
Papa can you hear me?

1222
01:38:11,580 --> 01:38:14,814
Papa can you find me?

1223
01:38:38,675 --> 01:38:41,293
Before I go, sorry...

1224
01:38:41,317 --> 01:38:44,081
I got a bit more in me.
Domino...

1225
01:38:44,105 --> 01:38:48,682
I want you, to have my
Adventure Time watch.

1226
01:38:50,918 --> 01:38:54,300
Sounds like that
I'm the lucky one.

1227
01:38:54,939 --> 01:38:56,683
Thank you.

1228
01:38:57,207 --> 01:39:00,292
Hey, Sabrina the
teenage witch...

1229
01:39:00,854 --> 01:39:03,541
It has been a pleasure.

1230
01:39:04,520 --> 01:39:07,129
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!

1231
01:39:07,153 --> 01:39:12,379
Yeah... And you! Chrome-bone.

1232
01:39:12,887 --> 01:39:18,097
I haven't always been the best friend to
you, but you've always been that to me.

1233
01:39:18,316 --> 01:39:20,503
So thank you.

1234
01:39:21,616 --> 01:39:23,834
Say 'fuck' for me.

1235
01:39:24,288 --> 01:39:28,835
Just once. Come on. We'll do it together.
It's no big deal. Here we go. 1, 2, 3...

1236
01:39:30,678 --> 01:39:33,654
- Fuck.
- Wow. Enjoy hell.

1237
01:39:33,678 --> 01:39:37,912
Swamp-mouth. And you. Cable.

1238
01:39:39,349 --> 01:39:43,145
You get back to your family.
You tell them Wade says 'hi'.

1239
01:39:43,419 --> 01:39:47,153
And promise me. Promise
me one thing...

1240
01:39:47,472 --> 01:39:50,199
That you'll start judging people
not by the color of their skin

1241
01:39:50,223 --> 01:39:52,629
but by the content
of their character.

1242
01:39:52,940 --> 01:39:54,127
Jesus.

1243
01:39:56,752 --> 01:39:57,994
Hey.

1244
01:39:58,463 --> 01:40:01,330
You're a superhero now, bubba.

1245
01:40:01,463 --> 01:40:02,869
Look...

1246
01:40:02,893 --> 01:40:04,252
Family,

1247
01:40:04,276 --> 01:40:07,534
is not an F-word, all right?

1248
01:40:07,955 --> 01:40:10,142
Just keep looking, okay?

1249
01:40:12,949 --> 01:40:16,159
Guys? For a second there...

1250
01:40:16,577 --> 01:40:19,296
We would've made a
pretty good team.

1251
01:40:33,767 --> 01:40:35,813
Oh, it's so hard to go!

1252
01:40:37,181 --> 01:40:40,235
I just love being with
all you guys so much.

1253
01:40:40,798 --> 01:40:42,657
So, so much.

1254
01:40:44,089 --> 01:40:46,821
Oh, I can feel it now.
Here it comes. Yeah.

1255
01:40:46,963 --> 01:40:50,815
Feel the soul,
exiting the husk...

1256
01:40:53,766 --> 01:40:55,855
Can you see it?

1257
01:40:56,361 --> 01:40:58,672
Do you see that
beautiful bright light?

1258
01:40:59,578 --> 01:41:01,752
There it is.

1259
01:41:07,287 --> 01:41:10,193
No, that's the sun. Don't
stare directly into that.

1260
01:41:10,403 --> 01:41:12,543
I'd just like a few
final words...

1261
01:41:14,130 --> 01:41:15,895
Woodpecker.

1262
01:41:16,106 --> 01:41:17,879
Gingivitis.

1263
01:41:19,554 --> 01:41:21,600
Codswallop.

1264
01:41:25,351 --> 01:41:28,155
Do you wanna build a snowman?

1265
01:42:57,144 --> 01:43:00,003
Sorry I'm late. There
was a bunch of...

1266
01:43:00,027 --> 01:43:03,191
Handicappable children
stuck in a tree. No.

1267
01:43:04,109 --> 01:43:07,136
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.

1268
01:43:07,160 --> 01:43:09,262
- He's got a terrible name.
- Just awful.

1269
01:43:09,286 --> 01:43:11,536
I tried to tell him.

1270
01:43:12,332 --> 01:43:14,246
Is this heaven?

1271
01:43:14,530 --> 01:43:16,457
It is now.

1272
01:43:19,319 --> 01:43:21,509
I'm so sorry.

1273
01:43:22,021 --> 01:43:23,724
It's okay.

1274
01:43:43,158 --> 01:43:45,892
I missed you so much.

1275
01:43:50,820 --> 01:43:52,905
What is it? What's wrong?

1276
01:43:53,805 --> 01:43:56,008
It's not time.

1277
01:43:56,233 --> 01:43:58,420
What do you mean, it's not time?

1278
01:43:58,444 --> 01:44:00,157
I'm here. I made it.

1279
01:44:00,181 --> 01:44:02,735
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no. I'm staying.

1280
01:44:02,759 --> 01:44:04,774
I'm not going
anywhere without you.

1281
01:44:04,798 --> 01:44:06,134
It's okay.

1282
01:44:06,158 --> 01:44:08,986
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

1283
01:44:09,814 --> 01:44:12,689
- They need you.
- Who?

1284
01:44:14,267 --> 01:44:16,071
Your F-word.

1285
01:44:16,984 --> 01:44:20,009
- Why?
- You'll find out.

1286
01:44:21,147 --> 01:44:23,647
It's all right. I'll be here.

1287
01:44:23,981 --> 01:44:25,973
I love you.

1288
01:44:27,700 --> 01:44:29,490
I know.

1289
01:44:29,514 --> 01:44:32,904
I love you, too. Now, go.

1290
01:44:33,271 --> 01:44:35,904
Go on. Go, get out of here.

1291
01:44:36,873 --> 01:44:37,873
Go.

1292
01:44:40,523 --> 01:44:42,083
Hey.

1293
01:44:44,242 --> 01:44:47,094
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

1294
01:44:47,226 --> 01:44:48,867
Well, come here.

1295
01:45:07,662 --> 01:45:09,241
Don't fuck Elvis.

1296
01:45:09,265 --> 01:45:10,833
Don't fuck Colossus.

1297
01:45:10,857 --> 01:45:12,116
What?

1298
01:45:20,576 --> 01:45:22,185
Time to make the chimichangas.

1299
01:45:22,201 --> 01:45:22,912
Thirty seconds.

1300
01:45:22,936 --> 01:45:25,171
Hey, been meaning to ask you.
What's with the...

1301
01:45:25,195 --> 01:45:26,789
Creepy, dirty hobo-bear?

1302
01:45:26,813 --> 01:45:28,907
That's my daughter's Teddy bear.

1303
01:45:28,931 --> 01:45:32,462
- Her name's Hope.
- Oh.

1304
01:45:32,580 --> 01:45:36,486
What are you doing?
Somebody swiped right.

1305
01:45:48,709 --> 01:45:51,646
Tell me they got
that in slow-motion.

1306
01:45:54,306 --> 01:45:57,891
- You sacrificed yourself for me?
- Hey, what's here? I...

1307
01:46:00,215 --> 01:46:01,317
Huh.

1308
01:46:02,121 --> 01:46:04,488
Genuine high-grade lead.

1309
01:46:06,730 --> 01:46:09,676
You time-sliding son of a bitch.

1310
01:46:09,700 --> 01:46:11,886
You did this for me?

1311
01:46:12,739 --> 01:46:14,222
Wait...

1312
01:46:14,246 --> 01:46:16,237
You can't go back.

1313
01:46:16,261 --> 01:46:19,033
You used the last of your fuel.
What about your girl and wife?

1314
01:46:19,057 --> 01:46:20,979
No, my family's safe.

1315
01:46:21,003 --> 01:46:23,760
And I didn't do it for you.

1316
01:46:24,057 --> 01:46:26,635
Now I'm gonna stick
around for a while.

1317
01:46:26,659 --> 01:46:29,893
Make sure the world doesn't
shit itself into oblivion.

1318
01:46:30,582 --> 01:46:35,160
- Aww. You did it for me.
- No, I didn't.

1319
01:46:35,414 --> 01:46:36,822
- You did.
- I didn't.

1320
01:46:36,846 --> 01:46:38,846
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.

1321
01:46:38,870 --> 01:46:40,761
Fine. Alright. Let's
flip a coin, okay?

1322
01:46:40,785 --> 01:46:43,566
Heads, did it for me,
tails, you did it for me.

1323
01:46:43,590 --> 01:46:46,470
I'm not even gonna look
because you did it for me.

1324
01:46:46,494 --> 01:46:47,915
- Say it again.
- You did it for me.

1325
01:46:47,939 --> 01:46:49,533
- Jesus.
- We must get the collar off.

1326
01:46:49,557 --> 01:46:52,417
Forget it. It's no use. These
collars don't just come off.

1327
01:46:52,441 --> 01:46:55,885
Wade... I have an idea.

1328
01:46:56,374 --> 01:46:58,514
Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's
not do that, please.

1329
01:46:58,530 --> 01:47:01,571
I'd rather die of cancer.
That's just... Oh, God.

1330
01:47:01,595 --> 01:47:04,321
They do say, the pen is
grosser than the sword.

1331
01:47:05,165 --> 01:47:07,586
- We need the code.
- Try, uhh...

1332
01:47:07,797 --> 01:47:10,078
- Seven?
- Settle down, Captain Lucky.

1333
01:47:10,102 --> 01:47:13,312
It's not gonna be one number.
God, that's lazy writing.

1334
01:47:13,601 --> 01:47:15,522
Still got it.

1335
01:47:17,970 --> 01:47:20,673
Put that back in
your prison wallet.

1336
01:47:21,634 --> 01:47:25,485
I don't know how to thank you,
but I do know how to hug you.

1337
01:47:25,607 --> 01:47:27,856
- No.
- Yes. Here we go.

1338
01:47:27,880 --> 01:47:31,293
Bring it in. Come on.
Pelvis to pelvis.

1339
01:47:31,395 --> 01:47:35,441
Let's go tip-to-tip. There we go.
The kids call this "docking".

1340
01:47:36,779 --> 01:47:39,575
- Is there a knife in my dick?
- There's a knife in your dick. Yeah.

1341
01:47:39,599 --> 01:47:42,568
Just get back up a little.
Already did a full Yentl.

1342
01:47:42,592 --> 01:47:44,912
Pretend like that
never happened.

1343
01:47:45,021 --> 01:47:47,091
Let's go home, Russell.

1344
01:47:50,556 --> 01:47:54,963
All you dirty mutants are gonna
rot in hell with the boy.

1345
01:47:54,987 --> 01:47:58,003
Your souls are
beyond redemption.

1346
01:47:58,027 --> 01:48:01,443
- Let's see your soul, perv!
- No! No, no more.

1347
01:48:01,467 --> 01:48:03,590
We're better than that.
We're better than him.

1348
01:48:03,614 --> 01:48:06,380
No more senseless violence,
no more bloodshed.

1349
01:48:06,404 --> 01:48:09,291
- We'll let karma take care of him.
- The day of reckoning,

1350
01:48:09,315 --> 01:48:11,130
is here!

1351
01:48:20,321 --> 01:48:22,758
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

1352
01:48:22,867 --> 01:48:25,227
Woo! There it is, motherfuckers!

1353
01:48:25,251 --> 01:48:26,862
I think I'm a motherfucker.

1354
01:48:26,886 --> 01:48:30,393
I can hear you counting the last 30
seconds like a monkey, it was...!

1355
01:48:30,417 --> 01:48:31,964
I want some more.

1356
01:48:31,988 --> 01:48:34,004
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

1357
01:48:34,028 --> 01:48:37,089
We should leave before
Fuckernaut wakes up.

1358
01:48:37,113 --> 01:48:39,548
Good call. You guys
coming with us?

1359
01:48:39,572 --> 01:48:41,985
No. We'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

1360
01:48:42,009 --> 01:48:44,626
- Besides, we're X-Men.
- No.

1361
01:48:44,650 --> 01:48:47,462
- You're X-People.
- You're X-hausting.

1362
01:48:47,486 --> 01:48:50,134
I see what you did there. Puns.

1363
01:48:50,158 --> 01:48:52,431
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio.

1364
01:48:54,626 --> 01:48:57,080
What do you get when you
take 8 feet of chrome,

1365
01:48:57,104 --> 01:48:59,925
one pinch of courage,
a cup of good luck,

1366
01:48:59,949 --> 01:49:02,409
a dab of racism, a
splash of diabetes,

1367
01:49:02,433 --> 01:49:05,183
and a wheelbarrow full
of stage-four cancer?

1368
01:49:05,207 --> 01:49:07,956
Answer: a family.

1369
01:49:07,980 --> 01:49:10,988
See? I didn't lie on what
kind of film this was.

1370
01:49:11,105 --> 01:49:12,739
If there's anything
you take away today,

1371
01:49:12,763 --> 01:49:15,567
other than the need to google,
"what the fuck is dubstep",

1372
01:49:15,591 --> 01:49:18,966
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.

1373
01:49:21,562 --> 01:49:25,019
Subbed by: iamdepressed