1
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,790
I'm back, and you're
black, which is cool.
2
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,990
I'm a big fan of Black Jesus. High five.
3
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,990
Don't leave me hanging. There you go.
4
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:31,790
Can I help you, my son?
5
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,990
Hey, padre. No, no, I was just
trying to check in with J. Z. Up there.
6
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:39,390
Anything I can help you with?
7
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:43,290
Sure you don't have a grab-ass
appointment with an altar boy?
8
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,990
There's plenty of time for that.
9
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,390
You, uh...
10
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,790
you checking out my package?
11
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,490
You don't want to suck my cock, do you?
12
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,690
Do you want me to suck your cock?
13
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:03,690
Do you want me to want
you to suck my cock?
14
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,390
Do you want to tell me why you're here?
15
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,090
It's about a girl. She's beautiful.
16
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:12,190
She's smart and funny, up
for all kinds of intercourse.
17
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,890
But she's not Karen.
18
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,190
I didn't say that.
19
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,890
Karen doesn't love you, Hank.
20
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:20,390
She loves me.
21
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,190
With a gay priest!
22
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,090
Oh, fuck me.
23
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:46,590
Has anyone ever told you
you have a lot of bad dreams?
24
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,490
Oh, what's wrong with Black Jesus
25
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:53,890
and a gay priest just looking for a
little oral to get him through his night?
26
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:55,590
L. O. L.
27
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,190
What was that?
28
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,990
What'd you just say just now?
29
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,790
- What?
- L. O. L.
30
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,890
- "Laugh out loud"?
- Yep.
31
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:09,090
That's a part of your
lexicon? Really? L. O. L.?
32
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,890
Shouldn't it be part of yours, too?
33
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:12,690
You are writing for
cyberspace, you know.
34
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:16,790
Oh, and there goes
my boner. Wave bye-bye.
35
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,690
What is your issue with "L. O. L."?
36
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:21,790
I don't have an issue, unless you count
the fact that every time you say it,
37
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:26,290
you're contributing to the
death of the English language.
38
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:28,190
So, let me get this straight.
39
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,490
You're gonna let the fact
that I just said "L. O. L.
40
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:36,590
" Get in the way of me giving
you the best B. J. Of your life?
41
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,890
Not when you put it that way.
42
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,990
Yeah, I'm not the biggest
fan of the term "B. J." Either.
43
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:54,690
-=www. Ydy. Com/bbs=-
proudly presents
44
00:02:55,200 --> 00:03:01,190
sync:YTET-addychristen
-=www. Ydy. Com/bbs=-
45
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:32,590
Californication
Season1 Episode05
46
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,090
Baby, don't make me beg.
47
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,190
We haven't had sex since my last period.
48
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,790
You know how fucking horny I get.
49
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:47,590
You can have the ass if you want.
50
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,790
You can keep it.
51
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,290
Last time we tried anal
during the light of day --
52
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,290
not pretty, remember?
53
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,790
You used to be all
about the morning sex.
54
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,390
What's going on with you?
55
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,590
I'm sorry, baby. I'm
sorry. It's just --
56
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,790
I'm really stressed out right now, okay?
57
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,190
It's work stuff, really.
58
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,490
I know.
59
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,190
Pretend I'm paralyzed.
60
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,290
What? God.
61
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,490
Come on. This will be fun. You
need to shoot some glue.
62
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,990
I'll just lay here. Do
what you got to do.
63
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,490
I-I'll be your vessel.
64
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,190
What the fuck are you doing back there?
65
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,090
What? You don't like that?
66
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,390
No, I just --
67
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:38,090
you can't just go send probes into unexplored
territory without any advance warning.
68
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,590
You know what I'm saying?
69
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,790
I was just trying to spice
things up a little bit.
70
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,790
Why? You don't think things
have been hot enough?
71
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,690
It was just a finger up the ass.
72
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,790
I could use the littler one.
73
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:56,990
I've got to get to work,
okay? I'm gonna be late.
74
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,190
Love you.
75
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,090
Fuck off!
76
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:16,090
"B" to the "I" to the double
"L." What's up, my nig nog?
77
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,390
I need to talk to you.
78
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,290
Well, you should have called.
79
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,390
I wouldn't have answered, but
you could've left a message,
80
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,590
which I would have quickly erased.
81
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:28,390
Uh, yeah, this isn't something I
would choose to discuss over the phone.
82
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,990
This is about Mia.
83
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,090
You're aware she's in
high school, correct?
84
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:40,390
Really? Uh, no. I mean, I-I was
thinking she was older than that --
85
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,790
uh, college, grad school
maybe, uh, something like that.
86
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,490
Quit fucking around,
Hank. This is serious.
87
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,490
Oh, shit, bill.
88
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:52,590
I'm sorry, man. I'm
really sorry, and I --
89
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,690
you know, this is just
a fucked-up situation.
90
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:57,290
And it should have never happened,
but nobody's to blame, really.
91
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,290
I'm glad, in a way, that you're here,
92
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:03,890
you know, so we can get on
the same page, all right, man?
93
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:07,290
Y-your turn.
94
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,790
What are you talking about?
95
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,690
I don't know. What are --
what are you talking --
96
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,390
it depends. What are you talking about?
97
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,790
Are you stoned or drunk?
98
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,990
What am I talking about? What
am I talking about?
99
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,890
- Whatever.
- I mean...***
100
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,390
I got to ask you a favor, Hank.
101
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:30,490
Fuck. Well, a favor. Okay,
this should be entertaining.
102
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,390
I-I was supposed to be the guest
speaker at Mia's school today,
103
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,390
but I have to go out of town.
104
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,990
And this concerns me
how exactly, Willamina?
105
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,990
Well, I was hoping that you
might consider stepping in for me.
106
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,690
It's a creative-writing class, and
I was gonna talk about publishing.
107
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:53,690
You can talk about writing or
not writing or whatever works.
108
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,490
Yeah.
109
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,190
And what's in it for me?
110
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,090
What do you want?
111
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,590
Call off the wedding.
112
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,590
Anything else?
113
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,190
that's a nice jacket.
114
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:26,890
You a smoker? There you go.
115
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,590
All right, so, at the end of day,
if you can do anything else --
116
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,190
telemarketing, pharmaceutical sales,
117
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,190
or ditch digging,
major league umpire --
118
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,990
I would suggest that you do that,
because being a writer blows.
119
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,790
It's like having homework every
day for the rest of your life.
120
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,090
Any more questions?
121
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,290
Yikes. Yeah?
122
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:52,590
Are you single?
123
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,690
Of course I am. Who would have me?
124
00:07:56,700 --> 00:08:00,790
Okay, girls, let's thank Hank for
coming in on such short notice.
125
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:07,490
Cigarette break, everybody.
All right, bye-bye. Bye.
126
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:13,190
Dude, you're a fucking rock star.
127
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,590
Please. It's an all-girls school.
128
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,690
Anything with a half a cock and one ball
is gonna get a rise out of these kids.
129
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,290
Tell me about it.
130
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,790
Best job I've ever had.
131
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:22,890
They're very young.
132
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,890
Oh, say that again...
133
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,190
slower this time. My -- my
fleshy T. A. Didn't hear you.
134
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,290
Stop.
135
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:33,390
Laugh it up, funny man, but you
could go to jail for that shit.
136
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,990
You're acting like it's a
fucking mommy & me class.
137
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,190
These girls are right on
the cusp of their womaninity.
138
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,990
What else is out there for guys like us?
139
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,290
Guys like us?
140
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:44,190
I wrote a novel...
141
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,490
three of them, actually.
142
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,490
Oh, yeah?
143
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,390
They never came out of the
drawer, but I fucking wrote them.
144
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,390
I wrote the shit out of them.
145
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,090
So, what do I do? Write screenplays
like the rest of the fucking herd?
146
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:59,990
Or do I fight the good fight and
promote an appreciation of great writing?
147
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:04,190
And just fuck the ones who are just bored
and stupid enough to spread 'em for you?
148
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,690
Speaking of which, Mia is
a seriously good writer.
149
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:08,490
Yeah?
150
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,190
She's written a couple good
short stories, but nothing since.
151
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,990
But they're good.
152
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:14,890
Who knows?
153
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:18,290
Maybe I'm grading on a curve
'cause she gives me wood.
154
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,790
Not so much with the character
development. And the prose was a little stiff.
155
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,790
She was trying too hard, really.
156
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:28,690
Van fuckin' halen.
157
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,490
****
158
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,590
Busted.
159
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,390
Oh, god, you don't understand. I
could've been there for hours.
160
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,690
Poor Hank Moody.
161
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,790
What's the deal with
you and Mr. Chipwich?
162
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,090
Meaning what exactly?
163
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,390
You know what I mean.
164
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:56,490
Does he have carnal knowledge?
165
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:57,590
Yeah, that.
166
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,090
Not yet.
167
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,890
Be careful.
168
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,990
Says the much-older man who
actually did sleep with me.
169
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,390
That was an accident.
170
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,290
Right, there you were, just
minding your own business,
171
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:09,690
walking down Abbot Kinney, when
your dick fell in me. Oopsie.
172
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,090
What is this? Open-mike night?
173
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:14,390
Look, just be careful of
him and those of his ilk.
174
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,390
Hank Moody, as I live and breathe,
are you looking out for me?
175
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,790
Why wouldn't I?
176
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,090
Aside from the fact that you're
mad as a hatter, you're a good kid.
177
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:26,890
Well, seeing as I can't seem
to get you back in the sack,
178
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,390
I guess I'll just
have to settle for him.
179
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,690
I get the feeling he
won't play as hard to get.
180
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,390
Out of the car.
181
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,890
Have a nice day at school, dear.
182
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,990
Bye, Hankarella.
183
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,490
How do I look?
184
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,590
Oh, sweetie, you look great.
185
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,990
But you know what? It's a guitar
lesson. It's not a fashion show.
186
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,290
Mother, rock, fashion
-- it's all one world.
187
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,890
- Okay, Avril.
- He is cute.
188
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,490
He is?
189
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,590
I hadn't noticed.
190
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,890
I look like a geek.
191
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:00,890
***
192
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,590
It's okay.
193
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,090
I'll get it.
194
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,390
Well, hello, Dave.
195
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,890
Ladies.
196
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,290
Your shirt.
197
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,190
What? You're not a fan, are you?
198
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,790
That would make me so sad.
199
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,290
I think it's cool.
200
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,890
Well, it's just, you know...
201
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:18,590
Becca.
202
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,390
Right.
203
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,190
Sorry about that. I wasn't thinking.
204
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,090
That's okay.
205
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,490
She's my youngest student
and my most promising.
206
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,090
Oh, she is? Well, that's great.
207
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:31,190
I probably have some smelly,
old thing in my car somewhere.
208
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,990
Or you could just turn it inside out.
209
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,590
You know, you could use
the bathroom on -- or not.
210
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,290
hey... Dave.
211
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,690
Hey, sweetie.
212
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:48,390
Better?
213
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,190
Much.
214
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,190
I liked it better off,
but that's just me.
215
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:54,390
- How you doing?
- Good.
216
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,290
You been practicing?
217
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,490
I'm here with Hank Moody,
218
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:12,090
author of celebrated underground
novels like "south of heaven,"
219
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:16,490
"seasons in the abyss," and
most famously, "god hates us all.
220
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,690
" How are you, Hank?
221
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,490
I'm a little under the weather,
but it's good to be here.
222
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:25,390
Some folks have compared the wait
for your next novel to the decade-plus
223
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,090
wait for the new Guns n' Roses album.
224
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:30,090
Which one do you think will
see the light of day first?
225
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,890
Well, I certainly hope that i
beat guns n' roses to the punch,
226
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:35,390
because I want to get
on Oprah's book club.
227
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,390
I want that sticker from the book club.
228
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,690
I want to get on that show,
and I want to ask her...
229
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,090
about that scene in "beloved"
where she squats and pees.
230
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,990
How many takes did
she do? Was she method?
231
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,590
In all seriousness, your
blog for Hell-A magazine
232
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,590
is prompting a lot of underground
water-cooler talk. It's great.
233
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,390
Thank you, but
it's really --
234
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,890
it's more like pissing out
of my ass than anything else.
235
00:12:55,900 --> 00:13:00,990
You know, it's just -- things bother
me, and I vent. I write it down.
236
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,490
What's your latest obsession?
237
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,890
Just the fact that people seem
to be getting dumber and dumber.
238
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,090
I mean, we have all
this amazing technology,
239
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,790
and yet computers have turned into
basically four-figure wank machines.
240
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,190
The internet was supposed to
set us free, democratize us,
241
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,290
but all it's really given us is
Howard Dean's aborted candidacy
242
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,490
and 24-hour-a-day
access to kiddy porn.
243
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:23,090
People -- they don't
write anymore. They blog.
244
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,690
Instead of talking,
they text --
245
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:28,190
no punctuation, no grammar,
L. O. L. This and L. M. F. A. O. That.
246
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,690
It just seems to me that it's
just a bunch of stupid people
247
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,190
pseudo-communicating with a bunch of
other stupid people in a protolanguage
248
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,590
that resembles more what cavemen
used to speak than the king's English.
249
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,990
Yet, you're part of the problem.
250
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,290
You're out there blogging
with the best of them.
251
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,490
Hence my self-loathing, you know.
252
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,390
Bar chords are tough. I know.
253
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,990
But once you master them,
254
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,990
all the secrets of the rock 'n'
roll universe will be revealed --
255
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,890
- trust me, okay?
- Okay.
256
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,790
Uh, hold on a second. I
have something for you.
257
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,390
- Wait right here, okay?
- You got it.
258
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,090
Hey, how'd it go?
259
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:08,490
I'm sure you already know this, but
you have a really sweet kid there.
260
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:12,190
Oh, you know, you're preaching to the
choir. But thanks. It never gets old.
261
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,390
She's really into it, too,
which is really cool to see.
262
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,390
Makes my job a pleasure.
263
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,590
Well, she comes by it honestly.
264
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,490
Her dad is really into music,
and, uh, I was in a band once.
265
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,290
I'd love to hear the stories sometime.
266
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,890
Excuse me.
267
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,390
Hello?
268
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,090
Hey, sweetie. How are you?
269
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:40,590
How was the flight?
270
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,390
And the hotel
-- is it okay?
271
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,490
Hey, yeah, h-hold on one second.
272
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,590
Where'd he go?
273
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,990
Breathe, honey. It's
okay. He's just outside.
274
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,290
I got to go. Um, Becca's just
finishing her guitar lesson.
275
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,090
***
276
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,090
I am a sucker for Radiohead.
277
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,390
What are your weekend plans?
278
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,490
Got to rehearse with the band.
279
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:05,490
What do you guys sound like?
280
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,890
It's like Radiohead.
281
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,990
We got a killer bassist.
282
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,190
- Right.
- Yeah.
283
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,390
- All those things.
- All those things.
284
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,790
What's this?
285
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,490
I made it for you
-- some songs I like.
286
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,290
I thought you might like them, too.
287
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,990
A mix
tape -- cd.
288
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,990
No one's made me one
of these in a long time.
289
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,590
Thank you, sweetie. I
will treasure it always.
290
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,590
- Same time next week?
- Yep.
291
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,390
Adios.
292
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,190
Look, I don't want to take sides here,
293
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,290
but I want to say, for the
record, categorically, never,
294
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,090
ncker sti a finger up a grown
man's ass without warning.
295
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,190
Don't do it.
296
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,890
- hi
- Thank you.
297
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,090
Write that down. You know what?
298
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,290
I've been with other guys.
299
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:02,790
And sometimes a little ass play is
not only welcome, but it's appreciated.
300
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,390
I understand, but you got to
be gentle with the brown eye.
301
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,090
Mr. Brown eye's a sensitive man.
302
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,590
Hey, hey, hey, sorry I'm late.
303
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,590
Found a redhead
wandering the parking lot.
304
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,490
Brought her in for you.
305
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,990
Sorry I'm late. Stuck in traffic.
306
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,590
Listening to the radio --
very entertaining. L. O. L.
307
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,690
yes
308
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,590
So, have you been telling her what
an airhead your new girlfriend is?
309
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,490
Uh, no, I was just about to.
310
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,890
I heard the interview, Hank.
311
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:37,190
Nothing like being the object of
scorn and derision on public radio.
312
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,190
Well, that's the point,
right? Because it's public radio.
313
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,190
Who's listening? So...
314
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,590
so, is this why his
relationships don't last?
315
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,690
Because the girls can't live up to
some ridiculous fucking gold standard?
316
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:50,790
What did you do today?
317
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,090
Did you get your hair done?
318
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,290
If you spent less time focusing
on other people's flaws,
319
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,690
you might notice that you've
got a couple of your own.
320
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,790
Speaking of flaws,
dodger game, Friday night?
321
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,290
I didn't say that I didn't.
322
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,090
Great. You want to hear some?
323
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,790
It seems like you want to tell me.
324
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,090
Yeah, I do.
325
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,890
You drink too much, write too little,
326
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,590
and the only exercise
you get is in the bedroom.
327
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,190
You love women, but you hate yourself,
328
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,090
so that any woman who actually really
does like you is ultimately deemed a fool.
329
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:20,790
And seeing as that woman
could pretty much be anyone,
330
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,390
this one is saying goodbye.
331
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,890
H-hold on just one second.
332
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,590
I seem to have hurt you,
and I apologize for that.
333
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,490
But that's not what this is about.
334
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,990
This is about something else. You
want to tell me what it's about?
335
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,590
B. R. B., Hank.
336
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,690
I will go and make sure she
doesn't kill herself this time.
337
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:46,590
And by the way, getting all
aggro about a little stinky pinky
338
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,690
is definitely a symptom
of a much bigger problem.
339
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,590
Oh, jeez.
340
00:17:56,900 --> 00:18:00,790
I don't know what she's talking about.
341
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,190
Bitches.
342
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,690
Intruder.
343
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,690
What are you doing here?
344
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,890
***
345
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:25,790
That was very cool -- what you
did today, talking at Mia's school.
346
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,890
Oh, yeah, can we please agree
right now to never send Becca there?
347
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,790
Okay.
348
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:31,790
How's my girl?
349
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,490
I'm good. I've got a lot
of work on, but, yeah --
350
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:38,590
I was talking about Becca, but
I like where your head's at.
351
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,590
That's embarrassing.
352
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,590
I just slipped into a
past life for a second.
353
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,690
I still get my mail there.
354
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,390
I love your feet.
355
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,390
She's got a crush on her guitar teacher.
356
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,590
Oh, well, that's great.
357
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,690
At least it's not the captain
of the fucking football team.
358
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,190
Is he crush worthy?
359
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,790
Does he bring out
your inner rocker slut?
360
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,690
You know, he is pretty
fuckin' hot, yeah.
361
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:01,790
Should I be worried?
362
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,590
Isn't that bill's problem?
363
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,890
Yeah, I don't know if
bill worries enough.
364
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,590
Whatever.
365
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,690
Hey, you think I might, uh...
366
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:13,790
take Becca out for some
ice cream or something?
367
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:18,090
You could, but, you know, you
just missed her. She's snoozing.
368
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,290
- Sorry.
- Oh, shit.
369
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,690
Can I ask you something?
370
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,890
If you must.
371
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,290
In this, uh...
372
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:34,290
past life of ours, was I mean to you?
373
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:37,190
Did I
ever --
374
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,190
did i make you feel stupid?
375
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,390
You weren't mean, no.
376
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,790
But you can be pretty
hard on people, Hank.
377
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,690
I wish it was different.
378
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,590
And so do I.
379
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,590
But it's not.
380
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,490
How is that girl from the fund-raiser?
381
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,690
She is pissed at me.
382
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,190
- She's not.
- Yeah.
383
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,990
She'll get over it.
384
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,990
- Hank?
- Yeah?
385
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,090
Is that bill's jacket?
386
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:19,390
Oh, that's a long story. I
got to go. Good night, foot.
387
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,590
hey.
388
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,590
You know, it's not fair to say
"B. R. B." And then never actually B. R. B.?
389
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,090
But apology accepted.
390
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,990
Come here.
391
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,790
Good morning.
392
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,090
Good morning.
393
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:31,090
I, uh, needed my black skirt.
394
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:32,590
Oh, that's understandable.
395
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,790
It's probably hard to be taken seriously
in a courtroom when you're bottomless.
396
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:41,190
Though I would take you seriously.
397
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,490
I, uh, also wanted to give you this.
398
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,690
Oh, shit.
399
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:52,690
So, you're gonna blow this whole thing over
my issues with the language of cyberspace?
400
00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:55,090
What's this whole thing
you're talking about?
401
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:58,290
We drink, we fuck, we watch old
movies in your apartment, Hank.
402
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:01,090
Sounds fuckin' awesome.
403
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:03,890
You're just pissed 'cause
I beat you to the punch.
404
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:05,590
You were looking for any excuse to bail.
405
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,290
So says you.
406
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:09,590
But I guess we'll never find out.
407
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,790
I guess not.
408
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:17,490
He left his wife.
409
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,890
Okay.
410
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:25,290
That's what this was about. Fuck.
411
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,690
In a way, I have you to thank.
412
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:29,990
You really did rattle his cage.
413
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,890
Yeah.
414
00:22:30,900 --> 00:22:33,390
Glad to be of service, milady.
415
00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:39,790
I just -- I just
feel so used.
416
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,590
Shut up. We were using each other, Hank.
417
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:43,990
Okay.
418
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,590
I love how you're taking
the moral high ground here.
419
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,890
You know, I'm sure that if
I canvassed the west side,
420
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:52,690
I would find more than a few girls
who feel used and abused by you.
421
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:56,390
Y-you seem to think that I have
this narrow perception of you?
422
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,290
But it's you with the
narrow perception of me.
423
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:01,290
I love women. I have all their albums.
424
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:02,990
Shit!
425
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,090
You know, I think I'd just
feel better about this thing
426
00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:09,290
if I didn't think you were re-entering
this hopelessly dysfunctional relationship
427
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:11,990
with an aggressively mediocre white guy.
428
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,290
I've spent time with the man.
429
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,290
Time stood still.
430
00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:19,490
This from someone who's still
hopelessly in love with his ex...
431
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:20,290
whatever.
432
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:23,490
Well, at least she's cool.
433
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,890
Okay, what
are you -- 4?
434
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,790
Perhaps.
435
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,890
I don't know.
436
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,390
We just missed it, Hank.
437
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,890
In another lifetime, we would
have been a scorching couple.
438
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:37,690
Yeah.
439
00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:40,090
- But in this one, we
-- - missed it. Missed it.
440
00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:45,090
All right.
441
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:47,690
Well, congratulations.
442
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,090
And best of luck in all
your future endeavors.
443
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:52,590
And try not to forget all the
times I brought you to fruition --
444
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,790
33, to be exact.
445
00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:00,090
And when married guy goes back
to his wife, which he will,
446
00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:03,990
I hope that you come try to find me.
447
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,490
I hope that you know where to look.
448
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,090
Face down in a puddle of your own sick?
449
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:12,190
Still not writing?
450
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,890
L. O. L. L. O.-Fuckin'-L.
451
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,190
- Bye.
- Bye.
452
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,890
You're quiet.
453
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,490
I like quiet.
454
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:02,790
Yeah, me too...
455
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,390
as long as you're okay.
456
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:08,690
My heart hurts.
457
00:25:08,700 --> 00:25:12,490
Oh, god, baby. Mine, too.
458
00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,190
Is it boy trouble?
459
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,690
Me too.
460
00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:18,090
Well, girl trouble.
461
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,790
You want to talk about it?
462
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,390
No.
463
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,890
I just want to know
when it stops hurting.
464
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:28,590
Well, here's the deal, and you're
not gonna want to hear this,
465
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,990
so it's gonna sound like piss-poor
parenting, but if you're lucky, never.
466
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:39,790
Oh, what could ail thee, knight at
arms, alone and palely loitering?
467
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:44,490
The sedge has withered from
the lake, and no birds sing.
468
00:25:44,700 --> 00:25:47,490
Keats, "la belle dame sans merci"?
469
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,790
Is that the best you can do, dad?
470
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,190
How about something from this century?
471
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,190
How about -- you got Dylan's
"Blood on the Tracks"?
472
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,690
You ever listen to
that? Classic heartbreak album.
473
00:25:57,700 --> 00:26:00,390
I can gift it to you on your ipod.
474
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,090
- If you see her, say hello
- dad.
475
00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:06,590
- She might be in tangier
- dad.
476
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:10,490
She left here last early
spring is living there,
477
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:13,390
I hear
478
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,090
-=www. Ydy. Com/bbs=-
proudly presents
479
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:25,590
sync:YTET-addychristen
-=www. Ydy. Com/bbs=-
480
00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:31,990
http://subsbusters. Blogspot. Com>