1 00:00:00,312 --> 00:00:03,016 How come you never told me Bill's daughter was a writer? 2 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,494 This girl's written what could be the book of the year. 3 00:00:07,755 --> 00:00:08,661 Is that right? 4 00:00:08,922 --> 00:00:12,279 The girl's gonna sell 5 million copies based on the jacket photo alone. 5 00:00:12,419 --> 00:00:15,752 - People are gonna recognize my writing. - No, see, I covered my tracks. 6 00:00:16,013 --> 00:00:18,463 I added little bits of me when I retyped it. 7 00:00:19,245 --> 00:00:21,824 You have done some fucked-up shit in your time, 8 00:00:21,964 --> 00:00:24,465 - but I didn't think you'd do that. - Not knowingly. 9 00:00:24,605 --> 00:00:26,407 I'll take it off the counter. Say the word. 10 00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:28,389 - There are offers? - Many. 11 00:00:28,549 --> 00:00:29,685 Then I'm fucked. 12 00:00:33,655 --> 00:00:36,028 Come on. Hey, we were taking a break! 13 00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:38,362 Are you totally serious about marrying Bill? 14 00:00:39,495 --> 00:00:42,278 - What about Hank? - Are you questioning things? 15 00:00:42,539 --> 00:00:44,823 - I question everything, it's healthy. - It is. 16 00:00:45,084 --> 00:00:47,867 I just think you can't run off and marry a guy 17 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,457 after making sweet love to yours truly. 18 00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:59,408 - 19 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:15,376 If anyone knows of a reason why this couple should not wed, 20 00:01:15,535 --> 00:01:18,014 speak now or forever hold your peace. 21 00:01:28,287 --> 00:01:29,287 What? 22 00:01:35,884 --> 00:01:37,625 Wait, hold on. Hold on. 23 00:01:37,886 --> 00:01:39,168 One minute. Time out. 24 00:01:39,538 --> 00:01:41,488 Since you are bringing it up, 25 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,840 there is something I would like to express. 26 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,159 I just want to put it on the table. 27 00:01:47,823 --> 00:01:49,208 I've got a car... 28 00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:50,872 there's more. 29 00:01:51,207 --> 00:01:53,429 Just say the word, and I'll pull it around front. 30 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:55,267 You get in, you grab the Becca, 31 00:01:55,621 --> 00:01:56,895 off we go. 32 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:01,631 I'm sorry. You're not invited. Doesn't have much of a back seat. 33 00:02:02,802 --> 00:02:04,499 What do you say, Karen? 34 00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,373 It's not too late. 35 00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:08,715 It's never too late. 36 00:02:40,632 --> 00:02:41,803 Are you okay? 37 00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:44,327 Sweetie... 38 00:02:46,277 --> 00:02:49,485 - Just a bad dream. - Better get moving. 39 00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:51,397 Wedding's at 3:00. 40 00:02:52,457 --> 00:02:54,035 I laid out your clothes. 41 00:02:55,403 --> 00:02:56,741 There's coffee. 42 00:03:01,435 --> 00:03:02,782 Oh, happy day. 43 00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:54,526 Okay, the fucking bunny goes around the fucking left... 44 00:04:00,910 --> 00:04:03,347 My god, honey. You look so beautiful. 45 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,473 - Dad? - Yeah? 46 00:04:06,138 --> 00:04:07,233 It happened. 47 00:04:08,035 --> 00:04:09,789 - What happened? - It. 48 00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:13,014 It what? 49 00:04:13,532 --> 00:04:15,172 - It! - It? 50 00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:16,688 The it! 51 00:04:16,912 --> 00:04:17,908 Oh, it! 52 00:04:19,202 --> 00:04:20,202 Shit. 53 00:04:21,297 --> 00:04:23,060 I'm so sorry, sweetie. 54 00:04:23,213 --> 00:04:25,486 I should have been set up for such a momentous event 55 00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,384 in the life of a young woman. 56 00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,797 I should have had some kind of kit prepared. 57 00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:32,339 Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? 58 00:04:32,504 --> 00:04:34,758 Are you there, dad? It's me, Becca. I'm fine. 59 00:04:34,898 --> 00:04:37,680 I'm not going to die or anything. I just got my period. 60 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,267 Can we keep moving? 61 00:04:49,272 --> 00:04:50,272 Oh, dear. 62 00:04:50,412 --> 00:04:52,362 - What? - I kinda need those. 63 00:04:52,622 --> 00:04:54,772 I probably need them more than you. 64 00:04:57,126 --> 00:04:58,609 Let me buy them off you. 65 00:04:58,876 --> 00:04:59,994 Can I buy a couple? 66 00:05:00,972 --> 00:05:03,282 Let me just buy a couple tampons from you. 67 00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:04,999 I can't buy one tampon? 68 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:08,086 - No, I won't sell you one tampon. - Do you have any cash? 69 00:05:08,631 --> 00:05:12,535 Why don't you try another store? They make a lot of these things. 70 00:05:12,851 --> 00:05:15,009 You don't understand. I'm in a big hurry. 71 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,179 - I need those actual tampons. - Bye now. 72 00:05:18,431 --> 00:05:20,515 Lady, you know what? You're not very nice. 73 00:05:21,147 --> 00:05:24,256 - Excuse me? - If I was in the market for, say... 74 00:05:24,536 --> 00:05:26,312 I don't know, adult diapers, 75 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,606 and some poor, incontinent soul walked by 76 00:05:28,882 --> 00:05:30,897 who obviously needed them more than I did, 77 00:05:31,037 --> 00:05:33,861 - I would surrender those diapers. - Good to know, asshole! 78 00:05:34,161 --> 00:05:36,483 - Everything OK? - This guy's being a total dick. 79 00:05:36,899 --> 00:05:39,041 He's trying to steal my tampons. 80 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,452 Why do you want to steal a woman's tampons? 81 00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:45,289 I wasn't trying to steal her tampons. I was trying to buy them off her. 82 00:05:45,551 --> 00:05:47,776 What the fuck you wanna buy my wife's tampons for? 83 00:05:48,393 --> 00:05:50,711 You two are a charming couple. You been together long? 84 00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:52,839 Are you looking to get your ass kicked? 85 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:56,300 Normally, I'd say, "go for it, kick his ass," 86 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,095 but we're running out of time here, dad. 87 00:05:59,356 --> 00:06:00,826 Sweetie, you're right. 88 00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:03,963 When you're right, you're right. Let's blow this Popsicle stand. 89 00:06:04,169 --> 00:06:06,881 - Enjoy the shit out of your tampons. - Thanks a lot. 90 00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:15,458 By the Heineken! You're open! 91 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,994 She's the one who needs them? 92 00:06:23,277 --> 00:06:25,788 They're for me. I like to use them as earplugs. 93 00:06:26,779 --> 00:06:27,748 First time? 94 00:06:28,406 --> 00:06:29,417 First time. 95 00:06:29,994 --> 00:06:32,545 - Where's your mother? - She's getting married today. 96 00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,947 - We're on our way to the wedding. - She's not married to your father, 97 00:06:36,098 --> 00:06:37,437 what a surprise. 98 00:06:39,419 --> 00:06:41,544 Do you need some help, sweetie? 99 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:44,076 That's not a terrible idea, honey. 100 00:06:52,651 --> 00:06:53,741 I'm sorry. 101 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:58,133 - What are you gonna do? - When it comes to the woman I love, 102 00:06:58,327 --> 00:07:00,323 I don't think, I just act. 103 00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:04,193 - I messed you all up. - No, that's cool. 104 00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:06,008 I'm sorry, man. 105 00:07:06,211 --> 00:07:07,616 - Am I good? - Yeah. 106 00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:09,850 - How's the hair? - Looks good. 107 00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:13,595 We're a blended family, and I want the kids on that side... 108 00:07:16,446 --> 00:07:17,573 Hey, dad. 109 00:07:19,179 --> 00:07:20,298 Where's Karen? 110 00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:23,366 - Cold feet? - That's very sweet of you, 111 00:07:23,506 --> 00:07:25,170 - very supportive. - Don't worry. 112 00:07:25,442 --> 00:07:27,291 Throw a couple of drinky-poo's in her, 113 00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:30,207 a roofie or two, she's not going anywhere. 114 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:34,011 You're lucky I have a very sophisticated sense of humor. 115 00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:37,671 You'll miss my dark, sardonic wit when I'm criss-crossing the nation 116 00:07:37,954 --> 00:07:39,608 - on my book tour. - Yes... 117 00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:43,437 - About your book. - You read it? What'd you think? 118 00:07:44,702 --> 00:07:47,614 I wanted to save this until after we got back from the honeymoon, 119 00:07:47,881 --> 00:07:48,877 but... 120 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,069 I can't, in good conscience, let you publish it, 121 00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:54,330 not given the current national climate. 122 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:57,093 - What the fuck are you talking about? - Watch your language. 123 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,691 - Where is this coming from? - Believe it or not, 124 00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:03,386 I'm fairly successful at what I do, and something called... 125 00:08:03,921 --> 00:08:05,715 "Fucking & Punching" 126 00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:08,005 by my 16-year-old daughter 127 00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:10,164 might bring me some undesirable attention. 128 00:08:10,445 --> 00:08:12,293 You can't do this. It's my book. 129 00:08:12,433 --> 00:08:15,093 - I can do what I want with it. - You wanna test me on this? 130 00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:17,078 I'm in business with these publishers. 131 00:08:17,229 --> 00:08:19,588 I wanna make something go away, it goes away. 132 00:08:19,792 --> 00:08:21,548 That's not what this is about... 133 00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,229 Your reputation. 134 00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:26,431 The content is a little unsettling, wouldn't you agree? 135 00:08:26,735 --> 00:08:29,233 The whole thing reads like some teenage girl's fantasy 136 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,026 about having an affair with some depraved asshole 137 00:08:32,188 --> 00:08:35,790 who bears a striking resemblance to my least favorite American novelist. 138 00:08:37,535 --> 00:08:39,694 What makes you think it's fantasy? 139 00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:50,469 Take a hit. 140 00:08:50,836 --> 00:08:53,453 I can't get high on my wedding day. You're insane. 141 00:08:53,747 --> 00:08:54,948 Yes, you can. 142 00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:56,396 Yes, I did. 143 00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:59,018 Yeah, and look how that ended up. 144 00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:02,757 Now, you're aware that once you say, "I do," 145 00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:04,391 it's gonna be you... 146 00:09:06,191 --> 00:09:09,187 ... and Bill's baby arm for the rest of your life. 147 00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:12,521 - Can you handle that shit? - That's big. 148 00:09:12,661 --> 00:09:15,901 A baby arm is very big, Marcy. That's gonna hurt. 149 00:09:16,177 --> 00:09:17,934 Especially in the ass. 150 00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:20,787 Has Bill requested the ass yet? 151 00:09:21,057 --> 00:09:22,752 No, and he's not gonna get it! 152 00:09:22,892 --> 00:09:24,902 Not even on his wedding night? 153 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:27,376 You don't deny your man the ass. 154 00:09:27,639 --> 00:09:31,212 You give it to him, because once he knows he can have that, 155 00:09:31,698 --> 00:09:34,808 he ain't gonna want that shit anymore, believe that. 156 00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:38,632 - I'm gonna take that. - Yeah, the ass is always greener. 157 00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:45,726 Seriously, though, I think you're doing the right thing here. 158 00:09:45,935 --> 00:09:49,309 You are so fucking full of shit. You hated him. 159 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,069 Last week, you said he made your flavia shrivel. 160 00:09:52,269 --> 00:09:53,349 My labia. 161 00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:54,725 Sorry. 162 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,573 No one was a bigger hater than me, 163 00:09:57,860 --> 00:09:59,660 - but Bill's a good guy. - He is. 164 00:09:59,811 --> 00:10:02,104 - He's a man of substance. - Yes. 165 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,827 - He's not a lost boy. - No. 166 00:10:04,106 --> 00:10:07,392 'Cause believe me, once you've seen the love of your life 167 00:10:07,571 --> 00:10:10,491 hit in the face with another woman's ejaculate, 168 00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:13,391 your perspective changes. 169 00:10:13,658 --> 00:10:15,076 It fucks you up. 170 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,956 You lose your innocence. That shit is fucked up. 171 00:10:25,689 --> 00:10:27,314 I slept with Hank. 172 00:10:29,866 --> 00:10:32,345 Okay, either I'm really fucking baked, 173 00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:34,898 or you just told me that you boned Hank. 174 00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:37,025 His dad had just died, so... 175 00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:40,603 - You're such a slut! - I know. 176 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:42,190 Was it good? 177 00:10:43,824 --> 00:10:44,953 It was sad. 178 00:10:45,507 --> 00:10:47,244 Like "coming and crying" sad, 179 00:10:48,042 --> 00:10:50,455 or like "dirty and shameful" sad? 180 00:10:51,988 --> 00:10:52,969 I don't know. 181 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,228 - No, you stupid bitch! - I'm good! 182 00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:57,070 You're gonna fuck your make-up! 183 00:10:57,238 --> 00:10:58,504 Happy thoughts! 184 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,476 What up, Runkle? 185 00:11:08,392 --> 00:11:09,428 Hey there. 186 00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:14,695 - You better pace yourself, young lady. - Why? I'm fucked. 187 00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:17,810 My dad won't let me publish "Fucking & Punching." 188 00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:19,672 "National climate" and whatnot. 189 00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,670 Really? I don't really know what you're talking about, 190 00:11:22,871 --> 00:11:25,415 "national climate and whatnot," but that's good news. 191 00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:27,950 You got what was coming to you after all. 192 00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:30,193 What do you know about it? 193 00:11:30,998 --> 00:11:33,207 I know you fucked and punched him 194 00:11:33,744 --> 00:11:35,651 set him up, stole his book. 195 00:11:37,161 --> 00:11:38,990 What are you gonna do about it? 196 00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:40,143 Spank me? 197 00:11:41,887 --> 00:11:43,969 You ladies talk about everything, don't you? 198 00:11:44,242 --> 00:11:46,085 Just the stuff worth talking about. 199 00:11:46,269 --> 00:11:50,275 - How long did it take her to drop it? - Two sips of a soy macchiato, 200 00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:53,678 but, hey, I always knew you had a little bit of kink in you. 201 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:54,765 I could tell. 202 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,255 Yeah? You looking to get a little of that now? 203 00:11:58,548 --> 00:12:00,820 You realize you're hitting on a teenage girl? 204 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,187 I thought that was your "thing." 205 00:12:03,361 --> 00:12:04,361 Gross. 206 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,490 At least it all worked out for the best, right? 207 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,250 Hank gets his book back, 208 00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:11,482 and you get to crawl back to the hole from whence you came. 209 00:12:12,886 --> 00:12:14,482 Hey, fuck that, Runkle. 210 00:12:14,747 --> 00:12:16,856 This ain't over till it's over. 211 00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:33,760 You, lilliputian, you're going with me. 212 00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:36,171 - Don't scratch it. - You, she wanna talk to you. 213 00:12:37,069 --> 00:12:38,626 You had sex with her! 214 00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:40,851 - She told you? - She told me. 215 00:12:41,389 --> 00:12:45,003 And you gotta hit that shit again. Give her some of that daddy dick. 216 00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:47,346 Fuck her into doing the right thing here. 217 00:12:47,563 --> 00:12:50,191 There's something seriously wrong with you, 218 00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:51,747 and you're stoned. 219 00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:54,799 Don't be harsh! You're freaking me out. 220 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,355 Behave yourself. 221 00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,839 You look incredible... 222 00:13:11,029 --> 00:13:13,673 Except for the makeup which is a little hookerish. 223 00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:16,827 - Maybe that's what you're going for. - Shut up. 224 00:13:17,624 --> 00:13:19,901 What took you so long? Where is she? 225 00:13:20,296 --> 00:13:22,329 - Traffic was bad on the PCH. - Right. 226 00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:25,659 - You're so full of... - And Becca got her period. 227 00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:28,401 - What? - Yeah. 228 00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:30,706 - She did? - Makes perfect sense 229 00:13:30,867 --> 00:13:32,506 it'd happen on my watch, right? 230 00:13:32,798 --> 00:13:35,384 My God. How is she? What did you do? 231 00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:38,342 - I handled the fuck out of that shit. - You did? 232 00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:40,556 You mean you showed her how to... 233 00:13:40,826 --> 00:13:41,826 God, no. 234 00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:44,732 A very nice lady at the supermarket helped us out. 235 00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:46,501 Jesus Christ, Hank! 236 00:13:47,321 --> 00:13:49,850 Fuck! It wasn't supposed to be like this. 237 00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:52,628 I wasn't supposed to be marrying some other guy, 238 00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:55,779 you weren't supposed to flush your fucking career down the toilet, 239 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,288 and Becca wasn't supposed to start her period 240 00:13:58,456 --> 00:14:01,327 and some strange woman show her how to use a tampon for the 1st time. 241 00:14:01,779 --> 00:14:05,361 All those things that weren't supposed to happen... They happened. 242 00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:09,685 What happens next is up to you. 243 00:14:11,056 --> 00:14:12,880 I'm going through with it, Hank. 244 00:14:13,294 --> 00:14:17,151 - Go through with it, Karen. - I can't cancel. It's not that simple. 245 00:14:17,478 --> 00:14:19,059 I'm not asking you to. 246 00:14:19,377 --> 00:14:21,752 I'm not gonna make some grand, romantic gesture 247 00:14:21,909 --> 00:14:23,470 and ruin your wedding day. 248 00:14:24,687 --> 00:14:25,742 You're not? 249 00:14:27,108 --> 00:14:28,112 You promise? 250 00:14:28,779 --> 00:14:29,816 I promise. 251 00:14:34,452 --> 00:14:35,925 Good luck out there. 252 00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:49,215 And if anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, 253 00:14:49,395 --> 00:14:52,086 please speak now or forever hold your peace. 254 00:14:59,979 --> 00:15:00,989 Over here! 255 00:15:01,369 --> 00:15:03,013 Mia, what are you doing? 256 00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:06,558 Excuse me, I was told to speak now or forever hold my peace. 257 00:15:06,837 --> 00:15:09,103 Was it just bullshit or can I file my grievance? 258 00:15:09,738 --> 00:15:11,129 This could be interesting. 259 00:15:13,192 --> 00:15:14,531 Yeah, I just 260 00:15:15,227 --> 00:15:17,754 don't think I can fully endorse this union. 261 00:15:18,046 --> 00:15:20,322 Get a load of the balls on this chick. 262 00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:23,811 We should cut this part from the ceremony. It's totally antiquated. 263 00:15:24,472 --> 00:15:26,967 Let her speak, okay? Mia? Come on. 264 00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:31,953 First of all, you two don't even love each other. 265 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,795 Yeah, you don't even know what love is. 266 00:15:35,073 --> 00:15:38,288 - I love your dad, of course I do. - Karen, all due respect, 267 00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:41,027 give me a fucking break. You're still in love with Hank, 268 00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:43,928 and you know what? You should be. 269 00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:49,538 - He's obviously the guy for you. - OK, I am so fucking high right now. 270 00:15:50,487 --> 00:15:52,835 I want you to be happy, I do. 271 00:15:53,658 --> 00:15:56,291 You totally deserve it. You got a bum deal. 272 00:15:57,109 --> 00:16:00,170 You loved someone with your whole heart, I know you did, 273 00:16:00,987 --> 00:16:02,652 and they up and died on you. 274 00:16:03,243 --> 00:16:04,436 That sucks... 275 00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:08,179 But you gotta get real, you can't just play house. 276 00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:09,576 It's good. 277 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:11,999 Hold on. 278 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,451 If you marry Karen, you'll always be staring down the barrel of Hank. 279 00:16:15,591 --> 00:16:16,786 Simple as that. 280 00:16:18,256 --> 00:16:20,603 - Let's take a little walk. - You'd like that? 281 00:16:20,769 --> 00:16:23,575 We're gonna get some coffee, smoke some cigarettes... 282 00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:24,772 Come here. 283 00:16:25,742 --> 00:16:27,207 Let it go. All right? 284 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:28,869 Just let it go. 285 00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:30,504 If I can, you can. 286 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:33,828 You think you can just shut me up? 287 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,042 Of course you do, just like you thought 288 00:16:36,192 --> 00:16:38,770 you could fuck me and never talk to me again. 289 00:16:40,496 --> 00:16:42,234 What is she talking about? 290 00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:44,823 You wanna tell them or should I? 291 00:16:47,712 --> 00:16:49,214 You fucked her, didn't you? 292 00:16:54,623 --> 00:16:56,465 Okay, you want to do this? 293 00:16:57,026 --> 00:16:58,081 For real? 294 00:16:58,449 --> 00:16:59,594 Do it right 295 00:16:59,998 --> 00:17:01,488 tell them the truth. 296 00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:04,248 What did you do? 297 00:17:05,629 --> 00:17:06,794 Tell them. 298 00:17:07,332 --> 00:17:09,445 Did you, or did you not, sleep with him? 299 00:17:23,153 --> 00:17:24,317 Of course not. 300 00:17:25,535 --> 00:17:27,366 Give a girl some credit. 301 00:17:27,637 --> 00:17:28,972 It's just a book. 302 00:17:29,264 --> 00:17:30,715 A made-up story. 303 00:17:31,478 --> 00:17:33,538 It's fucking fiction, people! 304 00:17:42,794 --> 00:17:45,370 I don't give a damn about any moment that's come before this. 305 00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:48,027 It's simple, Karen. I love you. 306 00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:51,794 Do you love me? Do you want to marry me? 307 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:58,449 Yes, I do. 308 00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:20,181 You wanna talk about it? 309 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,948 You need a hug? 310 00:19:24,281 --> 00:19:25,281 Oh, no. 311 00:19:25,969 --> 00:19:27,419 Let me love you. 312 00:19:27,747 --> 00:19:29,384 Will you shut the fuck up? 313 00:19:34,432 --> 00:19:35,606 So, what now? 314 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,535 I think maybe I'll get into teaching. 315 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:44,825 There's an idea. 316 00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:47,604 Not a particularly good one, but an idea nonetheless. 317 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,512 - Good luck with that. - I hate you. 318 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,235 I hate myself. 319 00:20:06,328 --> 00:20:08,157 Dance with your daughter? 320 00:20:08,651 --> 00:20:10,132 Don't mind if I do. 321 00:20:11,028 --> 00:20:12,249 Later, Runkle. 322 00:20:19,628 --> 00:20:21,218 I'm very proud of you. 323 00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:23,247 Really? And why is that? 324 00:20:24,615 --> 00:20:26,483 Because you got through it. 325 00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:28,923 And didn't get into a fight with anyone. 326 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:32,165 Well, you didn't start it, at least. 327 00:20:33,945 --> 00:20:35,793 You're tragically flawed, dad, 328 00:20:37,024 --> 00:20:38,739 but you've got a good heart. 329 00:20:41,872 --> 00:20:43,211 I'll take that. 330 00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:52,373 Hello, sister. Mind if I cut in? 331 00:21:00,776 --> 00:21:02,784 I suppose I should thank you. 332 00:21:04,458 --> 00:21:06,667 - For what? - Saving my ass. 333 00:21:07,638 --> 00:21:09,922 I'd say we're about even right now. 334 00:21:10,357 --> 00:21:11,478 How's that? 335 00:21:12,298 --> 00:21:15,123 My dad decided to publish the book, so... 336 00:21:15,571 --> 00:21:19,169 I think he feels a lot better knowing that we didn't have sex. 337 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:20,458 But we did. 338 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:22,864 Yeah. 339 00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:25,870 Yeah, we did. 340 00:21:26,795 --> 00:21:30,467 Once upon a time, I saw my favorite writer in a bookstore and... 341 00:21:31,806 --> 00:21:33,044 I seduced him. 342 00:21:33,915 --> 00:21:36,615 So what, would it have been better 343 00:21:36,876 --> 00:21:40,374 to lose my virginity in the back of some rich kid's beamer? 344 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:43,538 Now you're really fucking with me. 345 00:21:45,282 --> 00:21:47,357 A girl never forgets her first. 346 00:21:56,126 --> 00:21:57,900 How you holding up, daddy? 347 00:21:59,857 --> 00:22:01,607 Don't worry about me. 348 00:22:01,747 --> 00:22:04,418 Worry about that poor simpleton over there. 349 00:22:05,132 --> 00:22:07,509 You can call me whenever, you know... 350 00:22:08,513 --> 00:22:09,388 Take that. 351 00:22:09,659 --> 00:22:11,984 Come on, you know you want that bald eagle back. 352 00:22:12,244 --> 00:22:14,761 You made him suffer long enough. He's been out there. 353 00:22:14,962 --> 00:22:17,913 There's nothing for him. He's banged the forbidden fruit 354 00:22:18,231 --> 00:22:20,633 and now he's realized that he'd rather be... 355 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,036 Shucking your hairless clam. 356 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,819 Hey, be nice to my clam. 357 00:22:30,346 --> 00:22:33,245 Hey, you, dance with your fucking wife already. 358 00:22:35,519 --> 00:22:37,095 Be nice to her vagina. 359 00:22:49,075 --> 00:22:51,787 Well, I guess congratulations are in order. 360 00:22:53,527 --> 00:22:54,527 You did it. 361 00:22:54,859 --> 00:22:56,265 Looks like I did. 362 00:22:56,913 --> 00:22:58,114 Good for you. 363 00:22:59,250 --> 00:23:01,360 This is starting to give me dumb chills. 364 00:23:01,530 --> 00:23:04,359 - That's right, you're a woman now. - Shut up. 365 00:23:07,063 --> 00:23:08,063 May I? 366 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:09,960 Dance? 367 00:23:10,506 --> 00:23:11,506 You? 368 00:23:19,294 --> 00:23:21,788 Why didn't I dance with you more often? 369 00:23:22,515 --> 00:23:24,794 Remember? You thought it was stupid. 370 00:23:24,934 --> 00:23:26,240 Sounds familiar. 371 00:23:28,056 --> 00:23:31,617 And once again, the joke's on me, because I'm the stupid one. 372 00:23:35,297 --> 00:23:38,511 You know, I'm sorry I never gave you a day like today. 373 00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:42,882 I don't know what I was so afraid of. 374 00:23:43,150 --> 00:23:44,254 So negative. 375 00:23:46,553 --> 00:23:48,177 Because I look around 376 00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:51,959 and I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen... 377 00:23:52,444 --> 00:23:53,850 aside from you. 378 00:24:02,186 --> 00:24:04,581 - I believe that's our daughter. - She asked him. 379 00:24:04,731 --> 00:24:06,306 Don't stare, she'll kill us. 380 00:24:11,666 --> 00:24:13,490 Just all went by so fast. 381 00:24:15,244 --> 00:24:17,839 From the moment I met you till just now... 382 00:24:19,445 --> 00:24:21,474 Seems like just a second ago. 383 00:24:30,758 --> 00:24:33,494 Excuse me, Hank. I wouldn't mind dancing with my wife. 384 00:24:33,843 --> 00:24:34,781 Of course. 385 00:24:35,188 --> 00:24:37,899 Be good to her. I had a shot with her once, 386 00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:39,929 but I blew it. 387 00:25:02,705 --> 00:25:05,004 That's what I call fucking, Runkle. 388 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:07,764 You go, girl. 389 00:25:27,448 --> 00:25:29,557 Okay, don't push your luck, Clapton. 390 00:25:29,758 --> 00:25:32,645 Becca, meet me in the car in three and a half minutes. 391 00:25:32,944 --> 00:25:35,949 And you? No tongue. I'm serious. That's not cool. 392 00:25:36,165 --> 00:25:39,525 "Check yourself, before you wrigidy wrigidy wreck yourself." 393 00:25:47,246 --> 00:25:50,660 Stay away from musicians. They're nothing but trouble. 394 00:25:51,394 --> 00:25:52,750 He asked me out... 395 00:25:53,603 --> 00:25:54,624 On a date. 396 00:25:56,130 --> 00:25:57,553 Captain fantastic. 397 00:25:59,179 --> 00:26:00,209 Can I go? 398 00:26:01,708 --> 00:26:03,263 Of course you can go. 399 00:26:04,133 --> 00:26:05,184 Impressed? 400 00:26:05,485 --> 00:26:06,485 Very. 401 00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:09,166 Maybe it's possible, after all this time, 402 00:26:09,325 --> 00:26:11,610 for your old man to grow the fuck up already. 403 00:26:13,006 --> 00:26:16,470 Maybe it happens anyways, whether you like it or not. 404 00:26:22,725 --> 00:26:24,600 - Yeah! - Pay up. 405 00:26:24,767 --> 00:26:27,679 I gave my last bill to the valet. You're shit out of luck. 406 00:26:29,681 --> 00:26:30,953 Wait, Hank! 407 00:26:32,338 --> 00:26:33,336 Wait! 408 00:26:33,672 --> 00:26:34,829 Quick, quick! 409 00:26:35,096 --> 00:26:36,498 Just go, drive the car! 410 00:26:36,759 --> 00:26:37,751 You sure? 411 00:26:37,891 --> 00:26:40,115 Quick, before I change my fucking mind! 412 00:26:40,282 --> 00:26:41,591 I'm sorry, baby. 413 00:26:43,108 --> 00:26:44,892 Karen, wait! Come back!