1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:02,634 Previously on Desperate Housewives... 2 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:04,036 There was flirtation. 3 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,072 Here's my card. If you see anything suspicious, 4 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,341 I want you to call me... 5 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,709 - or even if you don't. - There was confrontation. 6 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:13,178 After all those years that I supported you, 7 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,482 took a backseat to your career, you couldn't do the same for me. 8 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,050 - Oh! Aah! - There was a fight. 9 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,319 Leave me alone! 10 00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,590 And... there were consequences. 11 00:00:30,596 --> 00:00:34,933 Susan Delfino was charitable to a fault. 12 00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:39,104 She just couldn't resist lending a hand. 13 00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:44,042 There wasn't a lost pet she could ignore... 14 00:00:44,076 --> 00:00:48,913 A girl in uniform she could refuse... 15 00:00:50,416 --> 00:00:54,386 Or a struggling artist she could say no to. 16 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,291 So when it came to a neighbor in need... 17 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:03,695 Oh, my god. Paul, what happened? 18 00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:06,865 Susan was only too eager to help. 19 00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:09,134 I started having chest pains, 20 00:01:09,168 --> 00:01:11,943 Passed out, came to, dialed 9-1-1. 21 00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:14,112 They've been running tests all night. 22 00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:17,808 Well, I'm gonna be here for you till they figure it out. 23 00:01:18,887 --> 00:01:21,204 I brought you these-- magazines, water. 24 00:01:21,272 --> 00:01:23,354 You're unbelievable. 25 00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:25,017 I've got a street full of neighbors, 26 00:01:25,089 --> 00:01:27,420 And the only one who comes to see me is the woman I yelled at. 27 00:01:27,486 --> 00:01:29,904 - Sorry about that. - It was my fault. 28 00:01:29,976 --> 00:01:32,627 I shouldn't have asked you about getting my house back. 29 00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:33,983 I sounded like a vulture. 30 00:01:34,024 --> 00:01:37,351 Mr... Young, we've got your test results. 31 00:01:37,411 --> 00:01:39,557 Could you excuse us for a moment, Susan? 32 00:01:39,596 --> 00:01:41,516 Oh, yeah. I'll wait outside. 33 00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:47,025 Well, good news. Your E.K.G. came back normal. 34 00:01:47,071 --> 00:01:50,310 - So it's not a heart attack? - It's not a heart attack. 35 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,376 Says here you've been experiencing dizziness, nausea, stomach cramps. 36 00:01:53,377 --> 00:01:56,213 That's right. What do you think it is? 37 00:01:56,264 --> 00:01:59,221 I think unless you've been poisoned 38 00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:01,384 or you're pregnant, it's probably just stress. 39 00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:04,826 Poisoned? 40 00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:08,110 Yeah. I remember this case when I was an intern. 41 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,477 A man came in with the same symptoms. 42 00:02:10,504 --> 00:02:13,425 Turns out his wife was putting antifreeze in his oatmeal. 43 00:02:13,474 --> 00:02:15,925 Little bit every day so it wasn't obvious. 44 00:02:15,973 --> 00:02:17,716 But eventually, it killed him. 45 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,682 Good lesson for all of us-- don't piss off the old lady. 46 00:02:37,227 --> 00:02:39,204 What did he say? 47 00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:41,127 He thinks it's stress. 48 00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:43,266 Just stress? 49 00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:47,415 That's a relief. So you must be starving. 50 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,050 What can I make you for dinner tonight? 51 00:02:50,117 --> 00:02:53,650 Yes, Susan Delfino just couldn't resist 52 00:02:53,693 --> 00:02:56,139 lending a hand to a neighbor in trouble. 53 00:02:56,186 --> 00:02:59,399 I'm sure anything you bring will be a huge help to me. 54 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:06,121 Which was about to cause her some trouble of her own. 55 00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:15,702 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com 56 00:03:16,268 --> 00:03:20,112 No matter how secure we are, 57 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,868 we all experience moments of dread. 58 00:03:25,101 --> 00:03:29,106 It may be just before we open our credit card bill... 59 00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:34,297 or hand over a note from our teacher... 60 00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:41,480 or step on the scale after a week away from the gym. 61 00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:47,503 Yes, we all experience moments of dread, 62 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:49,281 and sometimes 63 00:03:49,337 --> 00:03:52,247 we have no one to blame... 64 00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:54,232 but ourselves. 65 00:03:56,905 --> 00:04:00,463 Daddy's home. How are my-- 66 00:04:05,914 --> 00:04:08,397 "Bloody stranger two"? She can't watch this! 67 00:04:08,444 --> 00:04:09,964 Daddy, no! 68 00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:14,156 Look, this is about some... stranger who comes to town 69 00:04:14,179 --> 00:04:16,298 and starts murdering slutty teenagers! 70 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,853 Yeah. It's a good lesson for when she's older. 71 00:04:18,882 --> 00:04:20,358 Don't be a slutty teenager. 72 00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,681 Gaby, this is way too violent. 73 00:04:22,713 --> 00:04:25,223 Oh, the kid's used to violence. 74 00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:27,566 You've seen me make her eat carrots. 75 00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:29,991 Besides, Juanita knows the movie's fake. 76 00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:31,741 Right, honey? 77 00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:35,068 Duh. There's no way one speargun 78 00:04:35,095 --> 00:04:37,018 could shoot through three heads in real life. 79 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,325 Exactly. Two, maybe. 80 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,097 Maybe. 81 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,504 Oh, Carlos, relax. 82 00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:48,138 Juanita's tough. She'll be fine. 83 00:04:51,085 --> 00:04:53,067 Aah! He's out there! 84 00:04:53,094 --> 00:04:56,596 Oh! Calm down, sweetie. Who's out there? 85 00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:57,830 The bloody stranger. 86 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,573 He was standing on our lawn looking at our house. 87 00:05:00,619 --> 00:05:03,360 The bloody stranger. Nice. 88 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,302 No, honey, we talked about this, remember? 89 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,112 How it was all pretend? 90 00:05:07,165 --> 00:05:08,840 Can I sleep in here with you guys? 91 00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:12,485 You can sleep with her. I'm gonna sleep in your bed. 92 00:05:12,531 --> 00:05:14,373 Celia's in my bed. 93 00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:16,638 Then I'll sleep in Celia's bed. 94 00:05:16,676 --> 00:05:17,842 She wet her bed. 95 00:05:19,229 --> 00:05:21,098 Come on in. 96 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,221 - Hey! - Hey! 97 00:05:35,249 --> 00:05:37,064 Look who's home in time for dinner! 98 00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:39,254 Yeah, well, I couldn't miss spaghetti night. 99 00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,477 Spaghetti night's tuesday, dad. 100 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:44,645 - You made it home for taco night. - Taco night? 101 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,305 Ay, caramba! 102 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:50,843 Hey--no. I'm kidding. Mwah. 103 00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,827 Hey, your mom made a lovely dinner, 104 00:05:52,871 --> 00:05:57,291 so the least that I could do was bring home dessert. 105 00:05:57,364 --> 00:05:59,774 - Plane tickets? - That's right. 106 00:05:59,806 --> 00:06:03,602 - I planned the family vacation this year. - You did what? 107 00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:05,550 Seven days, six nights 108 00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:08,118 at the Royal Kailua spa and resort 109 00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:10,463 In... Hawaii. 110 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,897 - Whoo! - Dad! 111 00:06:11,927 --> 00:06:15,277 - Well done, sir! - I've never been there! 112 00:06:15,336 --> 00:06:17,657 You bought the tickets without talking to me first? 113 00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,786 Okay. Not exactly 114 00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:22,433 "wow, Tom, you're the greatest husband in the world." 115 00:06:22,488 --> 00:06:25,048 But I told you, I already planned our vacation, 116 00:06:25,107 --> 00:06:27,764 Just like I've been doing for the last 16 years. 117 00:06:27,823 --> 00:06:30,660 Well, there you go. You deserve a year off. 118 00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:31,562 Wait until you see 119 00:06:31,619 --> 00:06:34,309 - the waterslides at this place. - Cool! 120 00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:39,629 Yeah. Yeah, cool. Except I just spent two weeks 121 00:06:39,695 --> 00:06:41,488 mapping out a route for a camping trip, 122 00:06:41,523 --> 00:06:44,794 - And I put a deposit down on an R.V. - Okay, so we eat the deposit. 123 00:06:44,850 --> 00:06:46,514 Wish I could eat it right now. 124 00:06:48,058 --> 00:06:52,062 And I told my sister we'd stop by and visit on the way. 125 00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,514 We get back from Hawaii, 126 00:06:57,571 --> 00:06:59,927 we fly her out to see us here-- 127 00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:01,248 Boom! Problem solved. 128 00:07:04,874 --> 00:07:06,487 And yet still no 129 00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:09,301 "You're the greatest husband in the world"? 130 00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:12,993 Oh, my god. 131 00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,942 First class? 132 00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:18,151 You are the greatest husband in the world! 133 00:07:18,209 --> 00:07:20,959 Aah! Oh, my god! We're going to Hawaii! Aah! 134 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,437 Yes! So lucky! Ohh. 135 00:07:23,493 --> 00:07:24,523 Yeah. 136 00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:27,090 Hawaii. 137 00:07:32,087 --> 00:07:34,505 Principal Hobson! 138 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:38,785 Principal Hobson? 139 00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,219 Principal Hobson! 140 00:07:43,659 --> 00:07:46,485 Uh-- Susan! Hey! Great to see you! 141 00:07:46,556 --> 00:07:49,723 Did you get my e-mails? I sent you, like, ten. 142 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:52,225 E-mails? No. 143 00:07:52,298 --> 00:07:55,099 - Oh. Well, in the first one-- - All right. I got them. 144 00:07:57,023 --> 00:07:59,257 And I would be glad to give you your job back, 145 00:07:59,316 --> 00:08:01,667 - but I'm afraid it just isn't gonna happen. - Oh... 146 00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:03,618 Why not? 147 00:08:03,703 --> 00:08:07,839 Susan, you can't be surprised that there are consequences 148 00:08:07,905 --> 00:08:10,746 when you show up on the internet holding a feather duster 149 00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:12,392 and wearing a purple bra? 150 00:08:12,462 --> 00:08:14,573 That was very specific. 151 00:08:15,961 --> 00:08:19,138 Well, I-I had to verify the claims in order to-- 152 00:08:20,229 --> 00:08:23,329 My point is, the damage was done. 153 00:08:23,387 --> 00:08:25,833 I know. I made a mistake. 154 00:08:25,893 --> 00:08:28,412 But I feel like I deserve a second chance. 155 00:08:28,478 --> 00:08:31,038 If it were up to me, I would give you that chance. 156 00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:32,968 But you know private schools. 157 00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:35,396 The parents' council has all the power. 158 00:08:35,453 --> 00:08:38,942 So... if I were to win them over... 159 00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:40,670 Well, it would be a start. 160 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:43,534 Thank you. I'll take it from here. 161 00:08:43,587 --> 00:08:45,013 Oh, and I promise, 162 00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:47,184 No feather duster, no purple bra. 163 00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:49,646 And no black bustier. 164 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,640 Nice talking to you. 165 00:09:02,969 --> 00:09:07,100 Oh, Detective Vance. I was just, um, heading out. 166 00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:09,816 I won't keep you. I just stopped by to give you another card, 167 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,502 - to replace the one you lost. - What makes you think I lost it? 168 00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,723 I gave it to you two days ago. You never called me, 169 00:09:14,752 --> 00:09:18,222 - So I'm assuming you lost it. - No. I didn't. 170 00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:19,790 Now, is that nice? 171 00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:22,287 I give you a graceful way to spare my feelings, 172 00:09:22,322 --> 00:09:24,158 and you clobber me with facts. 173 00:09:24,192 --> 00:09:26,372 You sure you didn't lose it? 174 00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:30,192 Quite sure. In fact, it's right here in my purse. 175 00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:32,032 You didn't throw it away. 176 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,437 That must mean you were thinking of calling. 177 00:09:35,131 --> 00:09:36,484 Look... 178 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,318 this is my second try. I can't ask you again. 179 00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,623 - Is that an ultimatum? - It's a fact of courtship-- 180 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,795 Twice is charmingly persistent. Once more and I'm stalking you. 181 00:09:45,855 --> 00:09:48,322 - So you're courting me? - I'm trying to. 182 00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,197 When will you stop playing hard to get? 183 00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:52,209 Maybe when you stop playing hard to want. 184 00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:56,669 - You see how much you enjoy smacking me down? - Mm. 185 00:09:56,702 --> 00:09:58,657 Why pass up a chance to do it all night? 186 00:09:58,705 --> 00:10:01,315 Come on. One dinner. 187 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:08,173 Fine. This thursday, 8:00 P.M. 188 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,738 Great. See you then. 189 00:10:12,299 --> 00:10:14,367 I thought you were heading out. 190 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,076 Right. 191 00:10:33,026 --> 00:10:36,333 You... want me to test a tuna noodle casserole? 192 00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:39,283 Is that a problem? 193 00:10:39,891 --> 00:10:41,534 Well, normally we test stuff 194 00:10:41,571 --> 00:10:43,066 like soil samples and ground water, 195 00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:45,502 But sure, I can do it. What are you looking for? 196 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,979 Antifreeze. 197 00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:56,630 Hey. What are you doing tonight? 198 00:10:56,664 --> 00:10:58,508 A friend of mine's playing at a jazz club. 199 00:10:58,509 --> 00:11:00,134 Oh, thanks, Renee, but I have a date. 200 00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:02,503 If you don't want to come, just say so. 201 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,739 - You don't have to make stuff up. - No! I really do have a date. 202 00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,975 - Is that so hard to believe? - Uh, slightly. 203 00:11:09,046 --> 00:11:10,144 So who is he? 204 00:11:10,213 --> 00:11:13,272 He's a detective. His name is Chuck. 205 00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:14,925 Chuck Vance. 206 00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:18,139 Well, don't stop. I want to hear it all. 207 00:11:18,192 --> 00:11:19,641 Actually, that's all I know. 208 00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:22,650 That's it? And you agreed to go out with him? 209 00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:24,591 I never date a guy 210 00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,334 until I've done a complete background check. 211 00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:29,581 - Maybe I should just google him. - Amateur. 212 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,384 Give me his name and I will find out everything worth knowing-- 213 00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:35,932 Marital history, net worth, results of his last physical. 214 00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:37,395 The physical seems excessive. 215 00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:38,733 That's what I thought 216 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,734 till I spent a weekend pinned under a dead linebacker. 217 00:11:45,777 --> 00:11:46,853 Why would you let her watch 218 00:11:46,911 --> 00:11:48,872 something called "Bloody stranger two"? 219 00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:53,194 I know, I know. I'm an idiot. Now she's having nightmares 220 00:11:53,248 --> 00:11:54,742 And crawling into our bed every night. 221 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,506 When I was a kid, I had bad dreams 222 00:11:56,561 --> 00:11:58,814 like you wouldn't believe-- jumping-out-of-bed, 223 00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:00,658 running-down-the-hall-screaming kind of dreams. 224 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,826 - So what'd you do? - Guess I outgrew 'em. 225 00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,098 You did? 226 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,107 Juanita, come here! 227 00:12:07,162 --> 00:12:09,993 - What are you doing? - I figured you could talk to her. 228 00:12:10,043 --> 00:12:12,261 You know, give her one of those "it gets better" speeches 229 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,730 you gays love so much. 230 00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:19,313 Sweetie, Lee wants to talk to you. 231 00:12:20,305 --> 00:12:22,076 So your mom says you've been having nightmares. 232 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,558 What are they about? 233 00:12:23,591 --> 00:12:25,827 I see this creepy guy standing on our lawn. 234 00:12:25,857 --> 00:12:27,374 Oh, you poor thing. 235 00:12:27,402 --> 00:12:30,574 You know, when I was little, I had nightmares, too. 236 00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:32,503 - Really? - Yeah. 237 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:36,106 My brother told me that there was a hospital 238 00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:38,597 for the criminally insane on the outskirts of town. 239 00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:41,460 And at night, the inmates would escape 240 00:12:41,491 --> 00:12:43,466 and kidnap little boys and girls. 241 00:12:43,502 --> 00:12:47,387 But it's not real. His brother was just trying to scare him. 242 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,259 Oh, no. It was totally real. 243 00:12:49,287 --> 00:12:51,459 One summer, three kids went missing. 244 00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:53,668 - Until they found them... - Right. 245 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,872 About a month later... in a ravine. 246 00:12:56,904 --> 00:12:58,831 Alive! 247 00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:00,842 No. Come on. They were in a ravine. 248 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,784 What good ever comes out of a ravine? 249 00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:08,404 What the hell was that? 250 00:13:08,462 --> 00:13:10,535 I'm just showing her there's nothing to be frightened of. 251 00:13:10,563 --> 00:13:12,487 My story's way scarier than hers. 252 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,505 Okay. So Cindy's in charge of decorations, 253 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,968 Abby, you're handling music... 254 00:13:21,138 --> 00:13:24,009 Oh, sorry. Sorry. Don't let me interrupt. 255 00:13:41,477 --> 00:13:44,838 Susan, what are you doing here? 256 00:13:44,903 --> 00:13:47,327 I heard you guys were planning an open house night, 257 00:13:47,386 --> 00:13:49,721 and I'd love to pitch in. How can I help? 258 00:13:49,753 --> 00:13:52,873 Let's see. You're legendary for your cleaning abilities. 259 00:13:53,964 --> 00:13:56,522 That didn't take long. 260 00:13:56,576 --> 00:13:59,827 Do you need any refreshments? I could make something. 261 00:13:59,859 --> 00:14:02,114 Thanks, but if we need any help, we'll call you. 262 00:14:02,169 --> 00:14:04,291 Is it still 99 cents a minute? 263 00:14:05,347 --> 00:14:07,301 Okay, uh... 264 00:14:07,353 --> 00:14:09,890 looks like we should just get this out there. 265 00:14:09,944 --> 00:14:14,061 My family had a really crappy year. 266 00:14:14,122 --> 00:14:17,842 Uh, I did some things that I am not proud of. 267 00:14:18,881 --> 00:14:22,928 But I was a damn good teacher when I was at this school. 268 00:14:23,903 --> 00:14:27,649 And I was hoping that you ladies might eventually 269 00:14:27,707 --> 00:14:30,139 support hiring me back. 270 00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:32,035 You want to teach here again? 271 00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:35,251 I think the parents' council 272 00:14:35,277 --> 00:14:37,594 might have a big problem with that. 273 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:41,626 Look, I-I'm not asking for your forgiveness-- 274 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,621 just a chance to earn it. 275 00:14:43,652 --> 00:14:46,916 Let me do something for open house. 276 00:14:46,948 --> 00:14:48,854 I really do wanna help. 277 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:53,542 Okay. How about you pick up the streamers? 278 00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:55,143 Streamers? 279 00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:56,792 If you can handle it. 280 00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,073 Just be careful not to confuse them with tassels. 281 00:15:01,313 --> 00:15:03,094 Meeting adjourned. 282 00:15:09,048 --> 00:15:10,415 I shouldn't even look at this. 283 00:15:10,416 --> 00:15:12,452 It feels like such an intrusion. 284 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,347 And besides, he'll be here any minute. 285 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,410 Then I'm just in the nick of time. 286 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,622 You found something bad? 287 00:15:18,623 --> 00:15:21,881 Well, for me, his salary alone makes him a non-starter. 288 00:15:21,882 --> 00:15:25,163 But you may be more interested in what's on page three. 289 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:28,622 Is he a dirty cop? Or a democrat? 290 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,021 Worse. 291 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,675 Hello, Chuck. 292 00:15:49,676 --> 00:15:51,960 I was afraid I was early, but, uh... 293 00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:53,482 looks like you're all ready. 294 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:57,150 Oh, I'm ready, all right. Shall we? 295 00:16:02,904 --> 00:16:05,118 Hope this is okay. You like Italian, right? 296 00:16:05,119 --> 00:16:06,697 Everybody likes Italian. 297 00:16:06,698 --> 00:16:10,531 Oh, it's fine. So let's talk. 298 00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:13,526 Tell me about yourself. Tell me everything. 299 00:16:14,518 --> 00:16:16,199 Okay, what do you want to know? 300 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,298 Oh, whatever you think is, hmm... pertinent. 301 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:22,143 Okay. Um, I was born in Pennsylvania. 302 00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,799 I played some ball in college. 303 00:16:24,989 --> 00:16:26,805 Um, I have a degree-- criminology. 304 00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,170 Interesting. 305 00:16:31,066 --> 00:16:32,797 Anything else? 306 00:16:33,139 --> 00:16:35,222 Well, I have two kids. 307 00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:36,798 Oh. So you've been married. 308 00:16:36,799 --> 00:16:39,050 Yeah. Didn't work out. 309 00:16:39,439 --> 00:16:41,238 I hope you don't judge me for that. 310 00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:43,403 Oh, no. Not for that. 311 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,681 Is something wrong, Bree? 312 00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:48,564 I'm just wondering when you were going to tell me 313 00:16:48,565 --> 00:16:51,403 that you're still married. 314 00:16:53,877 --> 00:16:56,775 I see you've done due diligence. 315 00:16:56,827 --> 00:16:58,168 Did your source happen to mention 316 00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:00,072 that I filed for divorce last spring? 317 00:17:00,124 --> 00:17:01,442 And that it hasn't gone through, 318 00:17:01,443 --> 00:17:03,437 So technically, you're still married. 319 00:17:03,438 --> 00:17:06,164 - You should have told me. - We haven't even ordered yet. 320 00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:07,501 You expect me to lead with that? 321 00:17:07,502 --> 00:17:09,830 "Hey, I'm technically married. The chicken looks good." 322 00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:12,820 You shouldn't be dating at all until your divorce is final. 323 00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:16,371 - What if you and your wife reconcile? - I haven't spoken to my wife 324 00:17:16,372 --> 00:17:18,542 In a year without my lawyer present. 325 00:17:18,543 --> 00:17:21,072 You can't blame me for doing a simple background check. 326 00:17:21,688 --> 00:17:24,651 Hell, no. I'm sure you want to avoid another mistake 327 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,791 like your second husband, the hit-and-run driver. 328 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:29,603 Orson, was it? 329 00:17:30,052 --> 00:17:31,150 What? 330 00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,264 Tell me, who was creepier-- him or that pharmacist 331 00:17:34,265 --> 00:17:36,043 who killed himself while you were dating? 332 00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:39,951 Where did you hear that? 333 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:41,499 I pulled your police file. 334 00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:43,682 I have a file? 335 00:17:44,478 --> 00:17:46,037 And you pulled it. 336 00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,267 How dare you investigate me before our date! 337 00:17:50,438 --> 00:17:53,550 Say that again, and this time, listen for the irony. 338 00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:55,771 There is no comparison to what I did. 339 00:17:55,772 --> 00:17:58,340 You could have been dangerous! I have to protect myself. 340 00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:00,137 Oh, women can be dangerous, too, 341 00:18:00,138 --> 00:18:02,129 Especially ones who own four handguns 342 00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,863 and a .30-06 hunting rifle. What's up with that? 343 00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:06,039 This is outrageous. 344 00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:08,039 You are treating me like a common criminal! 345 00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:09,707 What can I get you folks to start? 346 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:14,461 I will not be ordering. I want to go home now. 347 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,721 Come on, Bree. Calm down. Have a drink. 348 00:18:17,774 --> 00:18:19,933 I don't drink. Wasn't that in my file? 349 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,810 Someone's slipping. 350 00:18:30,998 --> 00:18:32,100 What are you doing? 351 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,263 Hmm? What do you think I'm doing? 352 00:18:34,264 --> 00:18:36,479 I think you're wasting your time, 353 00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:39,466 much as I did when I planned this year's vacation. 354 00:18:41,005 --> 00:18:42,812 We should have discussed this. 355 00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:44,989 I wanted to surprise you. 356 00:18:45,044 --> 00:18:46,912 I wasn't surprised. I was blindsided. 357 00:18:46,913 --> 00:18:49,007 You may call all the shots at work, 358 00:18:49,058 --> 00:18:51,471 But you're not the C.F.O. of this family. 359 00:18:52,053 --> 00:18:53,236 Ugh. 360 00:18:54,906 --> 00:18:56,203 You're right. 361 00:18:57,921 --> 00:19:01,585 For what it's worth, your road trip sounds amazing. 362 00:19:02,781 --> 00:19:05,645 I just don't think it's gonna pan out for this summer. 363 00:19:06,373 --> 00:19:08,922 But you made a hell of a great start for next year's trip. 364 00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:13,409 Don't pull that management trick on me. 365 00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:15,733 - What trick? - The "Yes" sandwich. 366 00:19:15,734 --> 00:19:17,504 Start with a compliment, lower the boom, 367 00:19:17,505 --> 00:19:19,559 end with a compliment. It's the oldest trick in business, 368 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,067 - And I taught it to you. - Lynette, 369 00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:24,049 I already promised Hawaii to the kids. 370 00:19:24,441 --> 00:19:27,724 You want me to take it away? You saw how excited they were. 371 00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:30,385 Only because they've never had a lavish vacation before. 372 00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,323 Give me the same budget, and I'll make my trip 373 00:19:32,324 --> 00:19:36,246 - Sound twice as good as yours. - Oh, I would love to see you try. 374 00:19:37,737 --> 00:19:40,971 Okay, then. Game on. 375 00:19:41,184 --> 00:19:44,021 We'll, um, we'll sit the kids down, 376 00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:46,746 We'll each make our presentation. Let them decide. 377 00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:49,378 Sounds fair to me. Game on. 378 00:19:49,379 --> 00:19:51,890 Okay. Game on. 379 00:19:52,598 --> 00:19:53,131 Uh... 380 00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,286 Honey. 381 00:20:00,845 --> 00:20:03,607 I'm not turned on. You're a very handsome man. 382 00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,461 We're not gonna have sex. 383 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,972 That's a "No" Sandwich. 384 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,068 Level with me, Bree. 385 00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:22,437 - Do I still have a chance with you? - None whatsoever. 386 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,667 Then this can't make things any worse. 387 00:20:30,404 --> 00:20:32,736 That's right. Keep driving, buddy. 388 00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:45,561 - Why'd you do that? - Get in, Violet. 389 00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,600 Oh, my god. You couldn't have dropped me off 390 00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:52,053 before you pick up a prostitute? 391 00:20:56,002 --> 00:20:57,737 You arresting me, Chuck? 392 00:20:57,738 --> 00:21:00,075 Just taking you to the women's shelter. 393 00:21:00,612 --> 00:21:03,055 So what is this, your good deed for the night? 394 00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:05,450 You trying to impress your date? 395 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:09,405 No. That ship has sailed. She hates me more than you do. 396 00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:11,657 Why? What's wrong with him? 397 00:21:11,658 --> 00:21:14,986 My opinion isn't any of your concern, miss. 398 00:21:15,502 --> 00:21:16,718 You're better off without her, Chuck. 399 00:21:16,719 --> 00:21:18,836 This one's got a stick up her ass. 400 00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:22,342 And what qualifies you to make such snap judgments 401 00:21:22,343 --> 00:21:27,010 - about people you've just met? - I'm a hooker. It's what I do. 402 00:21:39,056 --> 00:21:42,277 Here we are, and I'm watching to make sure you go in. 403 00:21:43,197 --> 00:21:44,976 You know I'm just gonna be back on that corner tomorrow. 404 00:21:45,028 --> 00:21:46,976 Yeah, well, that's tomorrow's problem. 405 00:21:46,977 --> 00:21:48,387 When are you gonna give up? 406 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,382 What I am now... that's all I'm ever gonna be. 407 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,035 You think so? 408 00:21:59,915 --> 00:22:01,370 Did you know that ten years ago, 409 00:22:01,371 --> 00:22:04,432 Bree here was turning tricks just like you? 410 00:22:06,564 --> 00:22:07,758 How dare you. 411 00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,255 Bree, she needs to hear this. 412 00:22:12,525 --> 00:22:15,407 I must have hauled her ass in 50 times. 413 00:22:16,858 --> 00:22:19,396 Then one day, she said, "I'm better than this." 414 00:22:19,688 --> 00:22:21,592 She got herself to school. 415 00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:24,910 Before you knew it, she had a first class catering company, 416 00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:26,152 So don't try to tell me 417 00:22:26,153 --> 00:22:28,727 that you can't make a better life for yourself. 418 00:22:33,409 --> 00:22:35,015 You were really on the street? 419 00:22:35,162 --> 00:22:36,549 Actually, I... 420 00:22:42,621 --> 00:22:45,736 I don't like to talk about that part of my life. 421 00:22:46,785 --> 00:22:48,113 I get it. 422 00:22:50,084 --> 00:22:52,026 Look at you now, huh? 423 00:22:54,789 --> 00:22:56,937 It was really nice to meet you. 424 00:22:57,415 --> 00:22:58,948 Likewise. 425 00:22:58,949 --> 00:23:00,559 Thank you, Chuck. 426 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,222 Don't mention it. 427 00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:10,488 I know. Way outta line. 428 00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:13,539 You said I had no chance, so I figured, what the hell. 429 00:23:14,404 --> 00:23:15,575 Home? 430 00:23:17,869 --> 00:23:19,283 Yes, please. 431 00:23:29,044 --> 00:23:31,654 You were right. Found trace amounts of antifreeze, 432 00:23:31,655 --> 00:23:33,560 but don't worry. Wouldn't have killed you. 433 00:23:34,342 --> 00:23:34,935 What would happen 434 00:23:34,936 --> 00:23:37,960 if I ate one of these casseroles every day? 435 00:23:38,406 --> 00:23:41,484 Well, for one thing, you'd get tired of tuna casserole. 436 00:23:43,484 --> 00:23:46,568 Ahem. If you repeatedly consumed ethylene glycol, 437 00:23:46,569 --> 00:23:47,904 your heart would start to fail, 438 00:23:47,905 --> 00:23:51,325 your kidneys would give out. Eventually, you'd die. 439 00:23:51,547 --> 00:23:53,065 It'd be a nasty way to go. 440 00:23:54,513 --> 00:23:55,883 Huh. 441 00:23:55,884 --> 00:23:57,371 I can only imagine. 442 00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:08,410 What are you doing? 443 00:24:10,310 --> 00:24:12,100 I thought I was borrowing Lynette's tent. 444 00:24:12,101 --> 00:24:14,325 Turns out I borrowed a nylon bag of death. 445 00:24:15,125 --> 00:24:16,997 Why are you setting up the tent? 446 00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:18,377 For Juanita. I wanna prove to her 447 00:24:18,473 --> 00:24:20,316 there's no scary guy on the lawn. 448 00:24:20,581 --> 00:24:23,888 I figured if she spends the night camping out here, 449 00:24:23,889 --> 00:24:25,107 she'll get over it. 450 00:24:25,281 --> 00:24:26,194 So the kid is scared 451 00:24:26,195 --> 00:24:27,852 there's a killer lurking outside at night, 452 00:24:27,853 --> 00:24:29,885 and your solution is to make her sleep out here? 453 00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:32,503 Not alone, you dope. You'll be with her. 454 00:24:32,855 --> 00:24:33,702 Me? 455 00:24:34,063 --> 00:24:35,625 Yeah. What if she's right? 456 00:24:35,626 --> 00:24:38,260 What if there is a killer... or it's cold? 457 00:24:38,261 --> 00:24:39,644 Oh. Forget it. 458 00:24:40,408 --> 00:24:43,165 I got an early meeting tomorrow, and I'm not going in half asleep 459 00:24:43,166 --> 00:24:44,595 Because I slept on my lawn. 460 00:24:44,765 --> 00:24:47,258 You caused this problem. You fix it, tonight. 461 00:24:47,829 --> 00:24:51,370 And stop pouting. It's fun to sleep outside. 462 00:24:52,551 --> 00:24:53,777 I'm sure it is. 463 00:24:53,778 --> 00:24:56,907 That must be why the homeless are always so cheery! 464 00:25:01,987 --> 00:25:03,024 Come in. 465 00:25:05,742 --> 00:25:06,666 Hey. 466 00:25:07,278 --> 00:25:09,967 After our date-- or rather, non-date-- 467 00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,881 I was very confused. 468 00:25:12,265 --> 00:25:13,750 Makes two of us. 469 00:25:14,196 --> 00:25:16,947 I was... offended when you didn't tell me the truth 470 00:25:17,011 --> 00:25:19,297 about your marriage and oddly touched 471 00:25:19,467 --> 00:25:20,708 when you told a complete stranger 472 00:25:20,709 --> 00:25:22,220 I was a whore. 473 00:25:22,916 --> 00:25:23,870 Well, if you like that, 474 00:25:23,871 --> 00:25:25,933 you should wait till valentine's day. 475 00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:29,168 I wanted to know your secrets right away, 476 00:25:29,218 --> 00:25:30,478 and I didn't want to tell you mine 477 00:25:30,479 --> 00:25:33,893 until I felt I could trust you, 478 00:25:33,894 --> 00:25:36,522 and that... wasn't fair. 479 00:25:37,696 --> 00:25:39,125 I was no better. 480 00:25:39,448 --> 00:25:42,243 When did dating become so complicated? 481 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,033 We're not kids anymore. 482 00:25:44,034 --> 00:25:47,065 We've both had our hearts kicked around. 483 00:25:49,185 --> 00:25:51,383 I guess it's made us a little gun-shy... 484 00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:54,170 If "gun-shy" is the right word for a woman 485 00:25:54,171 --> 00:25:55,925 with an arsenal as big as yours. 486 00:26:00,174 --> 00:26:01,967 So what do we do? 487 00:26:02,236 --> 00:26:03,392 I say... 488 00:26:04,602 --> 00:26:07,211 we forget about the crazy digging for dirt 489 00:26:07,212 --> 00:26:08,712 that we both did 490 00:26:09,343 --> 00:26:11,468 and just have a normal first date. 491 00:26:12,205 --> 00:26:13,330 All right. 492 00:26:14,327 --> 00:26:15,297 When? 493 00:26:15,517 --> 00:26:17,588 Well, it is lunchtime. 494 00:26:17,975 --> 00:26:19,239 Why not? 495 00:26:20,188 --> 00:26:22,796 I know this little indian place 496 00:26:22,797 --> 00:26:24,992 That does an amazing lamb vindaloo. 497 00:26:25,038 --> 00:26:26,676 How'd you know I like indian food? 498 00:26:27,054 --> 00:26:28,754 I'd rather not say. 499 00:26:33,182 --> 00:26:36,048 I don't even know why I wanna work at that school again. 500 00:26:36,049 --> 00:26:38,217 Ugh, those smug cliquey moms. 501 00:26:38,267 --> 00:26:41,666 I mean, can you believe that Dana gave me streamer duty? 502 00:26:42,019 --> 00:26:44,676 It's positively awful. 503 00:26:44,677 --> 00:26:47,949 So tell me, how is Paul? 504 00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:49,992 I hear he went to the hospital? 505 00:26:50,562 --> 00:26:51,932 He thought he was having a heart attack, 506 00:26:51,933 --> 00:26:53,719 But the test results came back negative. 507 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:56,619 Do the doctors know what caused it? 508 00:26:56,620 --> 00:26:58,363 They think it's stress, 509 00:26:58,712 --> 00:27:00,259 But I'm worried about him. 510 00:27:00,505 --> 00:27:01,877 Oh, don't be. 511 00:27:02,059 --> 00:27:04,842 Well, I think he should go back and have more tests done. 512 00:27:05,259 --> 00:27:06,458 He'll be fine. 513 00:27:06,817 --> 00:27:08,843 As a nurse, I saw time and again 514 00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:10,387 that the best prescription for stress 515 00:27:10,388 --> 00:27:13,486 Is rest and good food. 516 00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:17,642 So sweet of you to make these cookies for him. 517 00:27:18,182 --> 00:27:20,832 Well, yeah, I hope it cheers him up. 518 00:27:21,977 --> 00:27:24,741 I'm sure it's just what the doctor ordered. 519 00:27:30,623 --> 00:27:32,796 Well... I wish I could do more. 520 00:27:34,445 --> 00:27:36,375 Oh, Susan. 521 00:27:36,952 --> 00:27:41,050 You're doing more for Paul than you can possibly know. 522 00:27:46,761 --> 00:27:48,412 The Grand Canyon. 523 00:27:48,785 --> 00:27:50,392 Over a mile deep. 524 00:27:50,393 --> 00:27:53,787 It took six million years to form. 525 00:27:58,789 --> 00:28:00,715 Sequoia National Forest-- 526 00:28:00,876 --> 00:28:03,889 A soaring monument to nature's majesty. 527 00:28:04,019 --> 00:28:05,544 So that's our vacation? 528 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,409 Looking at trees and a hole in the ground? 529 00:28:08,452 --> 00:28:12,293 Now, now, kids, your mom worked hard on this. Be kind. 530 00:28:13,216 --> 00:28:16,525 Yeah. Yeah, if the Grand Canyon isn't your scene... 531 00:28:17,041 --> 00:28:18,110 Did she say "scene"? 532 00:28:18,111 --> 00:28:21,096 You're bound to love our next stop... 533 00:28:22,476 --> 00:28:24,283 The screaminator. 534 00:28:24,543 --> 00:28:28,457 Seven minutes of sheer roller coaster terror. 535 00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:30,267 "Responsible parenting" magazine 536 00:28:30,309 --> 00:28:34,727 calls it the worst idea since the caffeinated juice box. 537 00:28:35,288 --> 00:28:36,599 - That's awesome. - Ooh. 538 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,484 - That sounds really... - Oh, me likey that. 539 00:28:38,647 --> 00:28:41,016 - That's very sweet! - Any and all 540 00:28:41,017 --> 00:28:44,047 of these thrilling destinations are available to us. 541 00:28:44,103 --> 00:28:47,026 We just point the R.V... and drive. 542 00:28:47,179 --> 00:28:48,570 - All right! - Whoo! 543 00:28:48,571 --> 00:28:50,716 - Yes! - Oh, man, I can't wait. 544 00:28:50,761 --> 00:28:52,412 Ooh, I forget about the R.V. 545 00:28:52,413 --> 00:28:54,676 Won't it be a little cramped now that we have Paige? 546 00:28:54,677 --> 00:28:58,785 Oh, maybe your dad's right. Maybe we shouldn't take the R.V. 547 00:28:58,834 --> 00:29:00,747 Maybe we should take... 548 00:29:02,347 --> 00:29:05,115 the Road Juggernaut 8000. 549 00:29:05,116 --> 00:29:08,131 State-of-the-art entertainment system, 550 00:29:08,132 --> 00:29:10,831 six private sleeping compartments, 551 00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:13,480 and two full baths, 552 00:29:13,521 --> 00:29:17,221 One of which Justin Bieber used on his last tour to make... 553 00:29:17,222 --> 00:29:18,547 water balloons. 554 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:21,190 - Shut up! - Shut up! 555 00:29:21,662 --> 00:29:24,374 - I'm blown away right now! - We are going on vacation! 556 00:29:25,543 --> 00:29:27,396 Follow that, Hawaii. 557 00:29:32,884 --> 00:29:34,280 Will you take that off? 558 00:29:34,433 --> 00:29:35,392 No. 559 00:29:35,576 --> 00:29:37,570 Juanita, you look ridiculous. 560 00:29:38,768 --> 00:29:40,156 I don't care how I look. 561 00:29:40,157 --> 00:29:43,101 - I don't want that killer guy to chop off my head. - First of all, 562 00:29:43,102 --> 00:29:45,576 a helmet wouldn't keep him from chopping off your head. 563 00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:47,064 It would just mean I'd have to clean it 564 00:29:47,065 --> 00:29:52,322 before I gave it back to Parker. Second, there is no killer guy. 565 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:55,840 - It's an actor in a movie. - But I'm still scared. 566 00:29:55,885 --> 00:29:59,010 It's okay to be scared. It's even fun sometimes. 567 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,349 But you can't let that scared come from inside your own head, 568 00:30:02,350 --> 00:30:04,700 and you have to be able to calm it down if it does. 569 00:30:06,140 --> 00:30:07,390 What's that? 570 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:12,019 It's people walking by, juanita. 571 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,089 This is what I'm talking about. 572 00:30:13,090 --> 00:30:15,360 This is where you take charge of your fear. 573 00:30:16,290 --> 00:30:18,460 Mama, I think it's the killer. 574 00:30:19,010 --> 00:30:21,039 No, it's not, Juanita. 575 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,330 Mom, look! 576 00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:25,360 Aah! 577 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,090 Oh! Who's out there?! Go away! 578 00:30:34,190 --> 00:30:35,350 Gotcha! 579 00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:38,189 What the hell is wrong with you?! 580 00:30:38,190 --> 00:30:39,580 I'm trying to help. 581 00:30:39,630 --> 00:30:40,539 By giving me a heart attack-- 582 00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:43,690 - You thought that would help? - Kinda did. 583 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,359 Oh, mom, you should've seen your face. 584 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:49,279 I just wanted to show you 585 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,190 that not everything that looks scary actually is. See? 586 00:30:52,990 --> 00:30:54,360 Plastic. 587 00:30:54,450 --> 00:30:57,640 It's like the movie. It looks scary, but it's fake. 588 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,540 Exactly. I have to go. Bob's in the shower... 589 00:31:01,570 --> 00:31:03,739 and he's about to pay for not liking my... 590 00:31:03,740 --> 00:31:05,290 chicken pot pie. 591 00:31:08,140 --> 00:31:11,570 So when you cast your vote tonight, kids, 592 00:31:11,590 --> 00:31:13,950 cast it for adventure... 593 00:31:14,190 --> 00:31:17,010 luxury, nature. 594 00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:21,159 'cause Hawaii has something for every Scavo, 595 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,489 whether it is circling 596 00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:25,819 a smoking volcano in a helicopter 597 00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:30,029 or swimming in crystal-clear waters with the dolphins. 598 00:31:30,030 --> 00:31:33,580 It is the vacation of a lifetime. 599 00:31:46,270 --> 00:31:49,109 I didn't wanna do this. You know who else 600 00:31:49,110 --> 00:31:51,800 loves swimming in those crystal-clear waters? 601 00:31:53,390 --> 00:31:56,470 Nature's hungriest predator-- the great white shark. 602 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,849 Come on. There hasn't been a shark attack on the island 603 00:32:01,850 --> 00:32:03,220 in forever. 604 00:32:03,550 --> 00:32:07,329 Really? Or did they just fail to find the evidence? 605 00:32:07,330 --> 00:32:10,119 Great whites tend to eat their victims. 606 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,260 What? 607 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:15,459 This is very, very unlikely to happen. 608 00:32:15,460 --> 00:32:16,739 You're right. You're right. 609 00:32:16,740 --> 00:32:20,860 I mean, especially if we all die first in... 610 00:32:22,550 --> 00:32:25,070 a gruesome helicopter crash. 611 00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,239 Now you see 612 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:34,270 why the natives call them death birds. 613 00:32:35,210 --> 00:32:36,769 You-- you think you're gonna be safer 614 00:32:36,770 --> 00:32:38,429 driving across country? 615 00:32:38,430 --> 00:32:40,669 Who knows the number one cause of accidental death? 616 00:32:40,670 --> 00:32:43,169 - Oh, I do. It's the car crash. - Don't worry, kids. 617 00:32:43,170 --> 00:32:44,889 We're gonna hire a professional driver. 618 00:32:44,890 --> 00:32:46,220 It won't be your dad. 619 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,989 Guys, can we go upstairs and talk about this 620 00:32:49,990 --> 00:32:51,180 before we vote? 621 00:32:51,350 --> 00:32:52,560 You bet. 622 00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:57,389 We await your verdict. 623 00:32:57,390 --> 00:32:58,200 - Yeah. - Aloha! 624 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,540 God, you are a hypocrite. 625 00:33:08,750 --> 00:33:09,790 How? 626 00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:13,219 Ten years ago, Christmas, 627 00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:15,019 we are standing in the scooter aisle 628 00:33:15,020 --> 00:33:17,550 at the toy store when I wanna choose 629 00:33:17,790 --> 00:33:19,500 the twins' big present. 630 00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:24,659 You say, "Tom, when you start making the money, 631 00:33:24,660 --> 00:33:27,240 you can start making the decisions." 632 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,009 You've been sitting on that for a decade? Wow. 633 00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:32,679 Well, guess what. I make the money-- 634 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,369 Big money-- more money than you ever did, 635 00:33:35,370 --> 00:33:39,719 so I get to decide how we spend it! 636 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,609 We're supposed to be equal partners. 637 00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:42,879 I just wanted a say in the process. 638 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,459 No, you don't. You wanna control the process 639 00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:46,459 - Like you always do. - Watch it. 640 00:33:46,460 --> 00:33:48,129 And then you feel that power slipping away, 641 00:33:48,130 --> 00:33:49,979 and you can't stand it. 642 00:33:49,980 --> 00:33:54,029 You can't stand that I am running the show. 643 00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:56,699 Running the show? Are you kidding me? 644 00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:58,429 We're talking about a family vacation-- 645 00:33:58,430 --> 00:34:00,590 Not anymore we are not! 646 00:34:02,180 --> 00:34:05,799 This is about how you can't handle my success. 647 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,129 No, you can't handle your success. 648 00:34:08,130 --> 00:34:09,909 You've turned into a pompous ass! 649 00:34:09,910 --> 00:34:13,120 Maybe because it's turned you into a raging bitch. 650 00:34:45,090 --> 00:34:47,829 Lee! I am warning you. 651 00:34:47,830 --> 00:34:50,779 Once was funny. This time, I will kill you. 652 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,220 Get out of here! 653 00:35:18,270 --> 00:35:19,219 How's Penny? 654 00:35:19,220 --> 00:35:20,550 Really upset. 655 00:35:20,690 --> 00:35:24,379 She kept crying and saying how she didn't wanna choose. 656 00:35:24,380 --> 00:35:27,139 I don't care where we go. 657 00:35:27,140 --> 00:35:28,749 We'll take the road trip. 658 00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:29,889 Not the vacation, tom. 659 00:35:29,890 --> 00:35:32,930 She doesn't wanna choose which one of us to live with. 660 00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:38,059 That is awful. Why would she think that? 661 00:35:38,060 --> 00:35:41,120 Why wouldn't she? She's seen it happen to three of her friends. 662 00:35:42,130 --> 00:35:45,089 We have always fought, Tom, but never like that. 663 00:35:45,090 --> 00:35:47,339 I know. It's gotta stop. 664 00:35:47,340 --> 00:35:48,410 I agree. 665 00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:49,849 I mean, I'm scared to open my mouth 666 00:35:49,850 --> 00:35:51,570 for fear you're gonna bite my head off. 667 00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,790 I'm sorry. Was that an olive branch? 668 00:35:59,010 --> 00:36:00,790 I'm no better, okay? 669 00:36:02,670 --> 00:36:04,219 I miss dinner four nights a week, 670 00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:05,700 and even when I am here... 671 00:36:07,580 --> 00:36:10,070 my mind is back at the office. 672 00:36:16,770 --> 00:36:19,450 I think we're the ones who need a vacation. 673 00:36:23,930 --> 00:36:25,250 Alone. 674 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,030 Yeah. 675 00:36:28,410 --> 00:36:31,409 Not a big trip. Just a weekend. 676 00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:33,919 We can... get a chance to be together 677 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,400 and work through all of this. 678 00:36:36,490 --> 00:36:37,700 You're right. 679 00:36:39,110 --> 00:36:40,760 We should do it this weekend. 680 00:36:41,930 --> 00:36:43,260 You mean it? 681 00:36:43,450 --> 00:36:44,550 Yeah. 682 00:36:47,310 --> 00:36:49,250 I just have to check with the office. 683 00:36:49,270 --> 00:36:50,670 Okay. 684 00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,709 But we are gonna do it, right? 685 00:36:59,710 --> 00:37:00,439 You're not gonna get all 686 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,639 - busy at the last minute? - I said we'll do it, 687 00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,710 - and we'll do it, okay? - Okay. Okay. 688 00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:15,209 Hello, Susan. 689 00:37:15,210 --> 00:37:18,170 Hey, Dana. I got you your streamers. 690 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,889 I splurged and bought the good ones-- flame-retardant. 691 00:37:21,890 --> 00:37:25,170 Good. Oh, my god. Are those cookies for the open house? 692 00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:27,479 Oh, well, actually-- 693 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,710 You are a lifesaver. I just had two moms flake out on me. 694 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:31,840 Really? 695 00:37:33,150 --> 00:37:35,350 Uh... well... 696 00:37:36,970 --> 00:37:40,549 I thought that might happen, so I baked some just in case. 697 00:37:40,550 --> 00:37:42,919 It's one of the things that makes a great teacher-- 698 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:44,470 Being ready for anything. 699 00:37:45,170 --> 00:37:46,420 Thank you. 700 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:52,020 You know, Susan, I haven't been your biggest supporter, 701 00:37:52,140 --> 00:37:54,040 but maybe I misjudged you. 702 00:37:54,390 --> 00:37:55,930 Thanks for these. 703 00:37:56,090 --> 00:37:58,619 Let's find some time to sit down with Principal Hobson 704 00:37:58,620 --> 00:38:00,700 and talk about you coming back. 705 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:04,700 Yes! 706 00:38:09,610 --> 00:38:10,989 Hello, Susan. 707 00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:13,389 - Come on in. - Meals on wheels. 708 00:38:13,390 --> 00:38:16,740 Well, shoes. But "Food on shoes" doesn't sound as good. 709 00:38:17,010 --> 00:38:19,609 Today's special is lasagna. 710 00:38:19,610 --> 00:38:21,149 Would you like me to put it on a plate for you, 711 00:38:21,150 --> 00:38:22,429 or do you wanna eat it later? 712 00:38:22,430 --> 00:38:23,930 I think I'll have it now. 713 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,760 In fact, I'd love for you to join me. 714 00:38:29,770 --> 00:38:31,489 Oh, I can't. 715 00:38:31,490 --> 00:38:34,309 Actually, I'm on my way to a function at M.J.' school. 716 00:38:34,310 --> 00:38:36,920 I'm sure you have a few minutes. Sit down. 717 00:38:37,020 --> 00:38:39,749 Uh... I'm kind of in a rush. 718 00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:41,039 But it's not fair. 719 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,219 You go to all this trouble to bring me 720 00:38:42,220 --> 00:38:45,050 these delicious meals, and we never share them. 721 00:38:46,180 --> 00:38:50,540 - It pains me. - Uh... Paul, what's... going on? 722 00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,750 Fine. You're in a hurry. 723 00:38:56,890 --> 00:38:59,749 Why don't you stab me with this? It'll be faster. 724 00:38:59,750 --> 00:39:02,589 Or are you getting your kicks watching me die slowly? 725 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:06,129 Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about. 726 00:39:06,130 --> 00:39:09,329 The food you're bringing me, Susan-- it's poisoned. 727 00:39:09,330 --> 00:39:11,509 What? That's not possible. 728 00:39:11,510 --> 00:39:15,060 I had it tested. Come on. Have a bite. 729 00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:16,189 Paul. 730 00:39:16,190 --> 00:39:17,780 How could you do this to me? 731 00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:19,679 Is it because you want the house? 732 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,570 Is it-- is it because you hate me? 733 00:39:22,010 --> 00:39:25,399 Okay, you have to believe me. I never put poison in your food. 734 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,919 Well, somebody did. Was it Mike? 735 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,530 No! It was just me. I-I'm the only one who... 736 00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:33,190 What? 737 00:39:34,450 --> 00:39:35,910 Oh, my god. 738 00:39:37,060 --> 00:39:40,680 The cookies. I-I've gotta go. I've gotta get to the school! 739 00:39:51,070 --> 00:39:53,449 Oh, Cindy, Cindy. The desserts-- 740 00:39:53,450 --> 00:39:56,289 The desserts, my cookies-- have they put them out yet? 741 00:39:56,290 --> 00:39:57,900 Oh! Yeah. 742 00:39:58,180 --> 00:40:00,720 They're... just... 743 00:40:09,610 --> 00:40:12,109 I'm so sorry. Try the oatmeal raisin. 744 00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:14,959 Kathy, um, do you know how many points these are? 745 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,690 You'll thank me tomorrow. 746 00:40:16,810 --> 00:40:20,729 Susan? What did you do to the parents' council? 747 00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:21,659 They love you. 748 00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:24,150 Oh, great! Thanks for the cookie. 749 00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:37,239 Uh, which one of these is--is mine? 750 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:40,390 Ooh, I have no idea. We just put 'em all together. 751 00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:41,790 Oh! 752 00:40:42,750 --> 00:40:45,380 Whoops! Sorry. Oh, silly me. 753 00:40:47,390 --> 00:40:49,059 If I can have everyone's attention 754 00:40:49,060 --> 00:40:51,119 for a moment, please? 755 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,379 Hi. I wanna welcome all our wonderful parents. 756 00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:56,879 And I wanna thank the decorating committee 757 00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,250 and those who made the refreshments. 758 00:41:00,660 --> 00:41:02,689 Oh, including Susan Delfino. 759 00:41:02,690 --> 00:41:05,069 Thank you, Susan, for those chocolate chip cookies. 760 00:41:05,070 --> 00:41:06,889 Oh. Uh... you're welcome. 761 00:41:06,890 --> 00:41:11,020 And about those cookies I made-- don't eat them. 762 00:41:11,150 --> 00:41:12,530 They're poison. 763 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:18,590 No, no, this isn't a joke. My cookies will kill you. 764 00:41:23,370 --> 00:41:24,670 Oh, god. 765 00:41:25,980 --> 00:41:27,720 That's her, officers. 766 00:41:30,550 --> 00:41:33,809 Yes, no matter who we are, 767 00:41:33,810 --> 00:41:36,960 we all experience moments of dread... 768 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:43,510 When we ask ourselves, 769 00:41:43,550 --> 00:41:46,770 will anyone believe I'm innocent? 770 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,900 Will my daughter be a child of divorce? 771 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:59,090 Will this man break my heart? 772 00:42:02,090 --> 00:42:05,680 Are there things that go bump in the night? 773 00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:11,660 And sometimes... 774 00:42:13,180 --> 00:42:14,820 the answer... 775 00:42:16,270 --> 00:42:17,930 is yes. 776 00:42:18,930 --> 00:42:22,730 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed www.addic7ed.com