1 00:00:00,860 --> 00:00:02,851 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 2 00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:06,171 Right, Mr Yamaguchi's on his way up now with his lovely wife. 3 00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,216 As you know he's thinking of investing in us. 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,098 And if he does, it'll be the best thing that happened to this company 5 00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:13,410 since old Gladys the cook burnt down the canteen. 6 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:15,172 (CHUCKLING) 7 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,057 She wasn't a bad cook. 8 00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:20,098 Are you having a laugh? Is she having a laugh? 9 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:22,410 (Audience LAUGHING) 10 00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:28,970 Oh, be fair, Ray. She wasn't that bad. We all loved her milky puddings. 11 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:32,018 Not when they dragged in the mash, we didn't. 12 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:35,856 Now, I don't want you and your team mucking things up for me. 13 00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:37,658 You've prepared the traditional Japanese cuisine, have you? 14 00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:39,139 -Yes. It's here. -Right. 15 00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:41,734 But I'm still not sure you should have let Gobbler organise 16 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:44,618 -the traditional Japanese entertainment. -Why? What's he planning? 17 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:47,089 -Well... -No time. Here they come. 18 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,970 Mr Yamaguchi. Hello, hello. 19 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:54,455 -This is Rita and my team. -Hi. 20 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,690 We've prepared some traditional Japanese cuisine. 21 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,930 Welcome. I hope you like it. 22 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:03,654 (Exclaims) 23 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:05,935 -Lovely. -Well done, Rita. 24 00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:10,048 And now for your delectation, may I present Gobbler and Kimberley 25 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:13,098 with some traditional Japanese entertainment. 26 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,258 What the... Ooh... 27 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,968 # Ching Chang Chinaman milked a cow 28 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:22,255 # Ching Chang Chinaman didn't know how 29 00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:24,729 # Ching Chang Chinaman pulled the wrong tit 30 00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:27,618 # Ching Chang Chinaman covered in shit! # 31 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:40,335 (IN BARITONE) # Oh, I'm all done covered in 32 00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:43,374 # Shit # 33 00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:52,493 (CLEARS THROAT) 34 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,218 What do you think? 35 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:56,495 Is he having a raugh? 36 00:01:56,580 --> 00:01:58,172 Ooh! 37 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,332 # Tick tock, alarm clock I'm gonna be late 38 00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:05,218 # Porridge, toast, kids, car Bloody school gate 39 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,133 # Factory floor, what a chore Another week's graft 40 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:10,654 - # And 50 times a day I hear -RAY:. Are you having a laugh? 41 00:02:10,740 --> 00:02:13,937 # Whatever happened to my dreams? Is this the life I chose? 42 00:02:14,020 --> 00:02:17,615 # The highlight of my ruddy day is when the whistle blows 43 00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:22,891 # When the whistle blows When the whistle blows 44 00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:28,810 # When the whistle blows When the whistle blows 45 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,128 It's bad. 46 00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:31,369 # When the whistle blows # 47 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,098 -It's not bad, is it? -It is. 48 00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:37,173 No, no. Bad suggests that, you know, it's evil or something. You know, it's not... 49 00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:41,014 It's poor, it's rubbish, you know. It's... It's shit. 50 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,374 -It's a shit sitcom. -It's a shit-com. 51 00:02:42,460 --> 00:02:44,416 We've sorted that out. Thanks very much. 52 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,936 -That's the career over. -That's what one of the reviewers said! 53 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,460 Shouldn't really... No, I shouldn't really joke about it. It's not... 54 00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:52,655 What are reviews like? 55 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,219 If I was being kind, I'd say it was a mixed bag. 56 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:55,369 -Let me have a look. -Really? 57 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:56,973 Yeah. Let me see them. 58 00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,652 -Bar? -Yo! 59 00:02:58,740 --> 00:03:01,971 -Can you bring some of the reviews in? -Why has he got them? 60 00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:04,051 Got to do something with his mornings, hasn't he? 61 00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,574 -Found another one. -Oh, have you? 62 00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:10,448 Er, "Perhaps it's unfair to judge a sitcom on its first episode, 63 00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:12,132 "but when a TV programme makes you want to 64 00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,609 "gouge out your own eyes rather than watch one more minute, 65 00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:16,372 "you know it's probably not your cup of tea." 66 00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:20,294 -Ouch. Go on. Pop it in the scrapbook. -No. Don't pop it in the scrapbook. 67 00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:24,168 -Put good ones in the scrapbook. -What... What good ones? 68 00:03:24,260 --> 00:03:27,332 -What, there's no good ones? -Best one was the Telegraph. 69 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:30,253 -What did they say? -They didn't review it. 70 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:32,418 See you later, B. 71 00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,573 Career's over. 72 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,289 Well, no, despite what they say, the viewing figures were really good, 6.2 million. 73 00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:43,612 Six million people watched it last night and yet none of these liked it? 74 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:44,894 These people know about comedy, don't they? 75 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:47,335 They know what they're talking about, but the general public, I mean... 76 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:51,459 You said if you get your own show, the offers would come flooding in. 77 00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:52,939 You said the phone would never stop ringing. 78 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,409 Have you had any phone calls at all? 79 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,297 -No. -No. 80 00:03:57,380 --> 00:03:59,450 -Oh, no. What am I talking about? Sky called. -And? 81 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,418 They say they can put your dish up Thursday. 82 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:10,074 83 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,133 (PHONE RINGING) 84 00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,370 -Hello. -What are you doing? 85 00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:24,092 I'm actually flicking through the phone book and I'm pointing my finger on a random page 86 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,013 to see what my name could be if I wanted to change it. 87 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,011 -What have you got? -PB Grout. 88 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:34,890 -Good. As long as you're filling your days. -CT Punchaganowno. 89 00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,014 But I don't look like a Punchaganowno. 90 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,931 -Are you hungry? -Yeah. 91 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:43,773 -Greasy spoon? -Yeah. 92 00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,937 -Where am I meeting you? -Garage in 10 minutes? 93 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,817 Yep. Do you want to hear one more? 94 00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,539 -Oh, go on. -TP Bronze... 95 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,295 -Hi. -Hi. 96 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,529 -Are you moving in? -Yeah. 97 00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:03,850 Oh, good. I mean, do you want a hand? 98 00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:05,692 -No. I'm fine. -Phew. 99 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:08,016 I'm Andy by the way. I live here, obviously. 100 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,330 -I live on the 2nd floor, 21. -Okay. 101 00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:11,773 -I'm Cathy. -Oh, nice to meet you. 102 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:14,249 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 103 00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:18,379 -Welcome to the building. -Thanks. It's nice to see someone under 40. 104 00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:19,609 (CLEARING THROAT) 105 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,338 I thought I'd moved into an old people's home. 106 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:24,332 No. There are some oldies in there, some over 40s, but they're quiet. 107 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:27,014 -Got the old telly there. Watch a lot of telly? -I don't, no. 108 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,819 No? Last night, BBC One? 109 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,414 -No? -No. 110 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,218 Some good stuff on. 111 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:36,978 -Okay. -Okay. 112 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:39,654 Well, if you need someone to show you around at all, just come and... 113 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,731 -Thanks. That'd be nice. -Oh, good... 114 00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:42,855 -All right. -Okay. 115 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,170 -See you later. -See you, bye. 116 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,894 -I saw it last night. -And? 117 00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,618 Yeah. It was good. 118 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,055 -Are you just saying that? -No. 119 00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:59,337 Too long a pause. If you're gonna lie, lie well. 120 00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:01,092 Bits of it were funny. 121 00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:03,614 -It doesn't count. You laugh at anything. -What? 122 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,533 I found you laughing to yourself once, and I said, "What are you laughing at?" 123 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:09,259 -And you said, "My toes." -Oh, yeah. Ha! 124 00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:11,615 They are funny, though, the way they waggle. 125 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,418 It's you that's making them waggle. 126 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,092 -Spare any change? -Sorry, mate. 127 00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:16,533 -Okay. Have a nice day. -Cheers. 128 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,215 -And good luck with the show, Andy! -Cheers. How does he know who I am? 129 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,256 Where does he watch the show, through Dixons' window? 130 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,898 You've been in all the magazines. 131 00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:26,175 -Oh, he reads heat, does he? -Everybody reads heat. 132 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,818 Everybody reads heat. 133 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,458 Now I'll have to start giving money to the homeless. 134 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,575 Why? 135 00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,730 'Cause I don't want people to say Andy Millman hates the poor. 136 00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:34,378 You don't just hate the poor, you hate everyone. 137 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,496 That's why it's so unfair. 138 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:42,649 Sorry, but I've only got, like, 8p in change, or a 20. 139 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,253 -Just give him the 20. -No. He said change. 140 00:06:44,340 --> 00:06:46,171 -You said change, didn't you? Cheers. -Yeah, whatever. 141 00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:48,376 Your TV show's doing all right, though, is it? 142 00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:50,212 -Yeah, yeah. -Good, good. 143 00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:52,614 Pay well? 144 00:06:54,660 --> 00:06:56,059 Yeah, erm... 145 00:06:56,740 --> 00:07:00,255 Haven't you got anything else? Have you got like a quid? 146 00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:08,016 -You haven't got a ten and five, have you? -I haven't. 147 00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:12,332 -Of course he doesn't. He's homeless. -I know he's homeless. I'm not blind. 148 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,579 (GROANING) 149 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,339 (SIGHING) 150 00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:22,099 Twenty for nothing. 151 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:26,418 -Is that the most you've ever been given? -One bloke gave me 50 once. 152 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:30,413 That is mental! That is... He must have been a pervert. 153 00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,095 Twenty quid, though. 154 00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:35,934 Considering your average is probably what, 20p or something. 155 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:41,051 I do come past here quite a lot, so we'll count that as a few goes. 156 00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:45,008 Can't do that every day. Say it's, I don't know, three months of leaving me alone. 157 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,579 -Leaving you alone? -No. 158 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,332 If you're gonna have this attitude, I don't want it. 159 00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:50,138 -No, no. -No, seriously. Take it back. I don't want it. 160 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,814 I'm just saying I couldn't do that... 161 00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,133 What will you say to people about this? 162 00:08:00,260 --> 00:08:02,535 I'll probably say, "Don't ask Andy Millman for money 163 00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:04,258 "because he'd only give it to you begrudgingly." 164 00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:08,299 Well, no, say that I offered you 20, the second most you've ever been given, 165 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:11,178 and then I insulted you and you made me take it back. 166 00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:14,536 But mention the 20 in any anecdote slagging me off. 167 00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:20,929 -Oh, just take it. Just take it, it's fine. -Fine. 168 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:25,059 -Nice aftershave, by the way. -Cheers. 169 00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:27,335 -What is it? -Calvin Klein. 170 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,449 Apparently Vernon Kay uses that. 171 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,293 Okay, cheers. 172 00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:40,174 Why are we walking back this way? This is the way we came. 173 00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:43,093 Now I've got to walk past him again. You... 174 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:48,017 -See you later. -Yeah. 175 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,892 Oh, walked too fast. 176 00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:55,893 -You did? -Yeah. 177 00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:59,734 Oh! She's moving into my block. 178 00:08:59,820 --> 00:09:02,095 I spoke to her earlier. I think there's a bit of a vibe, right? 179 00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,499 I'm gonna go and talk to her. 180 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:06,458 You come over, okay? Just ask for an autograph... 181 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,498 Yeah, and just say something like, "l think you're the most amazing actor on TV."' 182 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,775 You're already using your new powers for evil. 183 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,420 -You've got to use what you can. -Fair enough. 184 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,977 Hello. Need any help here? 185 00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,369 Thank you. A big, strong man's just what I need. 186 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,495 Will I do? 187 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:27,696 -Yeah! -Excuse me? 188 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,133 -Are you Andy Millman? -Yeah. 189 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:30,653 Star of the new sitcom When The Whistle Blows? 190 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:32,332 -Yeah. -Can I get your autograph, please? 191 00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:33,773 No worries. 192 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:36,332 -Who's it to? -Me. 193 00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:38,138 Yeah, but I don't know your name, do l? 194 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:39,289 (LAUGHING) 195 00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:41,052 -Maggie. -Maggie. 196 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,929 Can I just say that I think you're the most amazing comedy actor on television? 197 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,612 Oh! Not amazing! 198 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:52,092 -But that's what you told me to say. -Shut up. 199 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,528 Okay. How many have you got? 200 00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,618 Did he ask you to come over and say that? 201 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:05,814 -I don't know. -You don't know if he asked you to say it? 202 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,258 No. I don't know. 203 00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:12,169 Are you friends? 204 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,091 -Are we friends? -Yeah. 205 00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,974 Unlikely. 206 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,933 -Well, we have met. -Have we? 207 00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:21,376 Oh... Yeah. I didn't... Changed your... 208 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:26,176 Hello, you all right? I didn't realise. Are you, um... Are you still... 209 00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,459 Those aren't going to move themselves. 210 00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:33,939 See you later. 211 00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:41,494 -Andy, am I coming with you? -Yeah. 212 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:53,812 -Are you still thinking about the reviews? -Yes, the terrible, terrible reviews. 213 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,936 Think about the good ones. 214 00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,459 What am I gonna do now? 215 00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:02,008 I'll never get over this. I'll just spend years and years 216 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:06,457 trying to claw back credibility by doing anything, just popping up in bad films 217 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:10,055 and charity events, just begging forgiveness. 218 00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:13,658 They'd forgive you if you did Celebrity Fit Club. 219 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:17,176 -Brilliant. What else? What else could I do? -There's Celebrity Love Island. 220 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:21,253 Why would I do a show that when I watched it, I was praying for a tsunami? 221 00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:22,534 Oh. 222 00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:26,379 -Do you want to just go to the pub? -Yeah. 223 00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:30,096 That's the beginning. "Depressed TV star drinks himself to death."' 224 00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:31,579 Oh, don't be daft. 225 00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:35,778 You're not a star. And being fat will kill you before the drink does. 226 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:37,054 Are you sure you can come to the pub? 227 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,812 You're not manning the phones at the Samaritans tonight? 228 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,175 -No. -No? Okay, pub it is, then. 229 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:45,939 MAGGIE: Right, here's one. 230 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:48,773 Who would you rather fight and have a decent chance of winning, 231 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:53,217 a big fat hairy silver-backed gorilla or a Thomson's gazelle? 232 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,497 Well, the gazelle. 233 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:57,855 I know, but you'd have to catch it first because they're like... 234 00:11:57,940 --> 00:12:02,172 Well, I wouldn't catch it. I turned up for the fight, it ran away, I win. Not my problem. 235 00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:03,329 -Oi, oi. -Oh. 236 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,251 Don't look at me like that. Little bit of good news here. 237 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:06,819 -All right, Shaun? -All right? 238 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:10,575 Barry and I were scouring the internet and we found a glowing review of your sitcom. 239 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,059 -Really? -Listen to this. 240 00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:14,654 "This charming story of lovable, larger-than-life characters 241 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:18,528 "will please all the family. This is a delightful woodland romp 242 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:22,169 "with many of the best scenes featuring a roly-poly toad."' 243 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,693 Give me that. 244 00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:26,696 This is a review of Wind In The Willows. 245 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,850 What's yours called, then? Oh, When The Wind Blows is his. 246 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:30,532 -Whistle! -Whistle. Yeah. 247 00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:33,578 -I said that was a picture of a frog, didn't l? -It's got the same throat. 248 00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:35,139 Yeah, I know, yeah. 249 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,814 Well, you can see where we went wrong, yeah. 250 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,891 I'm going to get a drink. 251 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,096 -Have a look. -He's a ringer. 252 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:46,579 -Oh, yeah. Except he's green. -Who? Andy or... 253 00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,537 -The wee frog. -Oh, the frog. 254 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,738 -God, it's you. -Hi. 255 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:58,728 Love it. 256 00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:01,659 -What are you doing here? -Just having a drink. 257 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,651 Oh, so are we. Amazing. 258 00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,178 -Do you live near here? -Yeah. 259 00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:08,216 -Where? -Just round... 260 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,052 -What street? -It doesn't matter, does it? 261 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:12,335 -Just locally. Just... -I love your show. 262 00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:16,857 -Oh, good. Cheers. -The wig, the glasses, the catchphrase. 263 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,293 -Brilliant. -Thanks. 264 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,938 -Everything about it. -Oh. 265 00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:23,410 The wig. The glasses. The catchphrase. Brilliant. 266 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:26,378 That's becoming quite a catchphrase itself. 267 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,979 Oh, the wig. 268 00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,335 -The glasses. -The glasses and the catchphrase. 269 00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:33,058 -Brilliant? -Yeah. 270 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,899 -Can I take a picture? -Yeah. 271 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,413 (EXCLAIMING) 272 00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,459 You got a wig with you? 273 00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:39,814 -No. -No. 274 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:43,688 Do the face, then. Do the face. Do the face. 275 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,815 (LAUGHING) Look at that! 276 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:51,769 It works even without the wig or the glasses. Can you do the catchphrase? 277 00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:53,532 -I'd rather not. -Do the catchphrase. 278 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,975 -No. It's just a bit... -Do the catchphrase. 279 00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:57,175 Just do the catchphrase! 280 00:13:57,260 --> 00:14:00,730 -Okay, okay. "Are you having a laugh?" -Do it properly. 281 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,374 "Are you having a laugh? Is he having laugh?" 282 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,371 -I love everything about it. -Cheers. 283 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:08,099 The wig, the glasses, the catchphrase. 284 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,811 -Can I call my mate Pete? -Why not? 285 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,652 Oh, he'll love this. 286 00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:17,692 -You can't call the barman as well, can you? -I haven't got his number. 287 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:24,537 Pete, what's your favourite catchphrase? He's only here. 288 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:28,335 Yeah. Speak to him. 289 00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,456 -Speak to him. No, speak to him. -I can't. 290 00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:33,657 -Just speak to him. -All right, Pete? How have you been, mate? 291 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,652 Yeah. Yeah? He likes that as well. 292 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:38,571 No, I haven't got the wig on me, no. No. 293 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:42,414 Oh, Pete, I've got to go, mate, because life's too short. 294 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:43,979 Okay? Yeah, see you. 295 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,459 (GIGGLING) 296 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,092 Huh? Yeah. That was actually him, yeah. Come down. 297 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,694 -Ah, that's me. -Bring Ralph and Walnut. 298 00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:54,340 And tell Count Fuckula. Oh, yeah, he loves him. 299 00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:57,856 Hold on, I've got to go. Quick, quick, quick, Jilly. 300 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:00,815 -By winning... -Forget it, drink up. We're going. 301 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,492 -Why? -Because I've just been spotted 302 00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:04,571 by something from The Hills Have Eyes. 303 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:05,809 Hello! 304 00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:10,055 Hello, mate, all right? How's it going? Darren Lamb, agent. Nice to meet you. 305 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,289 This is my girlfriend, Jilly. 306 00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:12,813 DARREN: Hello. SHAUN: Hello, Jilly. 307 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,858 -Oh, I recognise you. -Yes, possibly. 308 00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:20,448 -You did my mum's guttering, didn't you? -Maybe, yeah. Where does she live? 309 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:21,768 Arundall Court, opposite the BP garage. 310 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:23,213 What's this? You didn't tell me anything about this. 311 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,938 What's going on here? How much did you get paid for that? 312 00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:26,373 -Not much. -It was 200 quid. 313 00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,530 Mum said he did such a good job she gave him a £20 tip. 314 00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,258 -220 quid? -I don't have to tell you everything. 315 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:31,375 You don't have to tell me everything. No. 316 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,496 Although you're happy to tell me when you're sleeping in your car 317 00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:35,650 and you need to have a bath, then you can't keep your mouth shut, 318 00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:36,809 but this you're keeping shtum about? 319 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,573 You're supposed to be my agent for acting, not bloody Artexing or whatever. 320 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:41,332 Rumbled! He said guttering. Now it's Artexing! 321 00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:42,773 What else are you keeping from me? 322 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,135 I'm appalled, I can't... This is scandalous, Barry. 323 00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:48,178 -Such a slap in the face. -Do you do roofing? 324 00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:51,093 -Do you need some roofing done? -No, it's too dangerous. I'm not... 325 00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:52,693 Oh, I'm sorry. You're turning down work now, are you? 326 00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,736 I'm sorry. It seems that beggars can be choosers. 327 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,209 My mistake. Unbelievable. 328 00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:00,255 How much was it? 220? 329 00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:02,737 Right, you owe me 27.50. 330 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,776 -Can I give you a cheque? -Yeah, if you must, yeah. 331 00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,009 Unbelievable. 332 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,058 Here, I tell you this, if you like his show, you'll love this. 333 00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:13,099 Right, have a look at that. Just regular. Turn it up the other way. 334 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:15,136 -"Boobs."' -It's good, innit? 335 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:16,938 -How do you do that? -It's just numbers. 336 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:18,419 -What numbers? -58,008. Have a look. 337 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:23,096 (GIGGLING) Boobs! Jilly, look. 58,008. Boobs! 338 00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:25,740 -Let me have a wee look. -Yeah, have a look. 339 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:26,935 58,008... 340 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,339 BOTH: Boobs. 341 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,860 -You wanna get used to this, mate. -It's doing my head in. 342 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:35,535 I know, they see you on telly and they all want to be your best mate. 343 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,373 When I was on East Enders we used to go to a place called Castro's. 344 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,337 It's quiet and they treat you well if they recognise you. 345 00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:42,809 -Let's go there. -Yeah, all right. 346 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:47,571 -Here. -Cheers, mate. Oi, oi, oi! Boing! 347 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,491 If it does, whose fault's that? 348 00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,059 Let's not talk about business, mate, 349 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,450 in front of a couple of nobodies like this. No disrespect. Unbelievable. 350 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:57,691 I'm already annoyed with you, giving it backchat. 351 00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,895 Anyway, give me your number. We'll meet up again. 352 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:04,052 -Yeah. -Yeah. Don't touch me. 353 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,494 -Excuse me. -Yeah, hi. 354 00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:17,219 I used to come here a lot a few years ago. I don't know if you remember me, 355 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:19,256 -when I was in East Enders? -Yes, hi, how you doing? 356 00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:21,808 -Greg's in here. -We don't have to speak to him. 357 00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,697 Like he's not gonna come over and gloat. 358 00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:26,169 -Big, fat, smug face. -We're here now. Shh. 359 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:29,252 -It's fine. You've just got to sign in. -Okay. 360 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,898 -Oh, hello. Look who it is. -Hi. 361 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:34,177 -Hi, welcome. Enjoyed the show last night. -Really? 362 00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:37,218 Yeah. Mark, can you get Mr Millman to the VIP area, please? 363 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,131 -Oh, thanks very much. -No need to sign in. That's fine. 364 00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,688 -Cheers. Thanks. -Okay, enjoy. Good. 365 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,938 -Thank you. -Okay. 366 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,976 Ah, Andy Millman. 367 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:52,097 I can't stop, mate. I'm going to the VIP area. 368 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,413 -That's mine. Take a seat. -Oh, that chair! 369 00:17:58,020 --> 00:18:02,138 -Oh, more like it. Thanks very much. -Can I get you anything to drink? 370 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:05,132 -Um, some champagne? -Yeah! 371 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:08,690 -Can we get a bottle of champagne, please? -No problem. 372 00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,929 Finally, a little bit of respect. 373 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,848 Oh, God. Look, David Bowie. 374 00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:20,979 Oh, my God. Unbelievable. Don't look. 375 00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:25,218 -Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. -You just put us here. 376 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:29,259 -David Bowie's here. -I know, but it's just really embarrassing. 377 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,735 (ANDY SIGHING) 378 00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,412 -Quick sit down. -At least I had a sit down. 379 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:43,060 Quick little sit down, energy, back into it. 380 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:44,653 -How's it going? -Brilliant. You? 381 00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:45,855 Excellent. 382 00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:50,536 Doing Chekhov at the Wyndham, just been nominated for an Olivier Award, so... 383 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,019 Ooh! 384 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:55,529 -How's your sitcom going? -Brilliant. Ratings are brilliant. 385 00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:58,134 -The reviews very harsh. Very harsh. -Don't read reviews. Don't bother. 386 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,209 -No? -No. 387 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,497 I think I've got one here, actually. Sorry. Can you just hold that? 388 00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:03,933 Don't hold... 389 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,811 -Being meaning to throw it away. -Throw it away, then. 390 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:11,449 Didn't get round to it. Oh, no. "When The Whistle Blows. 391 00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:14,452 "As I watched this abysmal time-warp comedy 392 00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:17,100 "l found myself expecting someone to shout, 'I'm free!' 393 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:19,091 "and for Andy Millman to exclaim, 394 00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:24,652 "'Hmm, Betty, the cat's just shat out the worst sitcom of all time."" 395 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,214 Don't really care about his opinion. 396 00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:32,491 If I want an opinion, it won't be a snotty little reviewer, 397 00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:34,252 it'll be the people that count, the man on the street. 398 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,616 -Yeah, he gave him 20 quid earlier. -Not that specific man on the street. 399 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,418 If you want to chase ratings, that's great. 400 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,129 I'd rather win the respect of my peers than get big ratings and everything... 401 00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:45,734 Both. Get both. Anyway, always nice to see you, mate. 402 00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,970 -You having a laugh! -All right, mate. 403 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,858 -Sitcom's shit, mate. -He's changed his tune. Why... 404 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:54,216 -The man in the street, so fickle. -No. He didn't have a bald head. 405 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,892 No, not that specific man. 406 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,699 -Does that happen a lot? -No, never. It's all good usually. So l... 407 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,896 I tell you who's not having a laugh, the public. 408 00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:02,299 -Well, they are. -That's just rude. 409 00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:04,496 It's not rude. It's stupid. It's ignorant. 410 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,059 To say that! 411 00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:09,337 -He's a little ant to me. -I feel it's just social rudeness. 412 00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:10,614 Well... 413 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:21,939 Barry, don't look round, right, 414 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:23,851 there's a couple of birds over there without drinks. 415 00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:27,933 -I think you know what to do. -Oh, yes. Excuse me. 416 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:30,056 There's a couple of girls over there not drinking. 417 00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,813 So I think you should probably tell them to either buy something or get out. 418 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,494 No, sorry. That's a mistake. No, I didn't mean that. Sorry. 419 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,969 What I meant was we could buy them some drinks. That's an in, isn't it? 420 00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:39,459 -To start a conversation. -I thought you were worried 421 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,053 they're taking up valuable space and costing him money. 422 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,209 Why would that concern me? 423 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,609 The man's running a business. The overheads are probably extortionate. 424 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,089 -He probably makes a lot of money on food. -Don't give me that. 425 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:48,772 There's 20 pubs a day closing down in this country 426 00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:50,737 and it's due to people like that. All right? 427 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,380 What, and you're suddenly an expert, are you, on that? 428 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,178 I don't know why it's your concern is what I'm... 429 00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,534 Leave it. 430 00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:02,969 Ladies, pardon us, can I just introduce myself? 431 00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:05,779 Darren Lamb, agent to the TV actor Andy Millman, 432 00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:07,532 -star of the sitcom When The Wind Blows. -Whistle. 433 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:09,576 Whistle, thank you. And do you remember this guy? 434 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,969 -It's only Barry off East Enders? -Hello. 435 00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:14,528 -Oh, yeah. How's it going? -Not so good, actually. 436 00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:15,769 Things aren't quite panning out as I'd hoped. 437 00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:18,215 Let's not talk about that now. Let's not bring the mood down now. 438 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:21,098 -A couple of sorts like this are up for it. -What do you mean, up for it? 439 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,693 You're out and about, you know, no guys with you, 440 00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:24,816 you meet a couple of players like us, ships in the night, 441 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,618 let's get down to business, who wants Barry off East Enders? 442 00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:28,292 -Neither of us. -You're out in the cold. 443 00:21:28,380 --> 00:21:30,257 That's the story of me life. My house was repossessed last... 444 00:21:30,340 --> 00:21:33,138 Let's not bring the mood down. You're ruining it again. I'm still in the frame. 445 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,688 Who wants Barry to walk them home while the other one comes home with me? 446 00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:38,294 -Neither of us. -Okay, final scenario. Listen to this, right. 447 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,940 Neither of you are interested in Barry, so obviously I choose the fit one. 448 00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:42,533 No disrespect to you. We all go back to mine. 449 00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:44,451 Barry keeps you talking whilst you and I get down to it. 450 00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:47,691 It will take, I swear to God, 10 minutes max. I can get everything done in that time. 451 00:21:47,780 --> 00:21:48,929 Then you get a cab fare home, 452 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:52,137 anywhere you want to go, up to say a maximum value of £15. 453 00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:55,417 Or you could walk home, pocket the cash, you've made a sweet, sweet profit. 454 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:56,615 -So it's up to you. -No. 455 00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:57,974 No? All right, Bar, forget it, mate. 456 00:21:58,060 --> 00:21:59,971 Always know when to cut your losses. Let's go. 457 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:05,977 I mean, he was actually a qualified surgeon if I'm not wrong. 458 00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:07,129 Really? 459 00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:09,529 And he used to sing in the operating theatre. 460 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:11,656 -No! -That's where he got his first start 461 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:14,129 because one of the patients he was operating on 462 00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:17,178 was an A&R man from Decca Records. You won't know Decca. 463 00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:18,969 Sorry. Can we? 464 00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:21,415 I'm getting a bit of hassle out here. Can I just pop myself down there? 465 00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:24,014 Not really. This is the VIP section. Can you step away from the rope, sir? 466 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:25,977 I know. I was in there a minute ago. I was a VIP a minute ago. 467 00:22:26,060 --> 00:22:27,698 -What happened? -There's nothing I can do, sir. Sorry. 468 00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:30,499 Can you just step away from the rope? 469 00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:37,449 Come on. I've got more in common with David Bowie than this rabble. 470 00:22:37,540 --> 00:22:39,417 -How do you work that out? -We're both entertainers. 471 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:41,138 We've both done something with our lives. I'm just... 472 00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:43,256 I don't think you can equate yourself to David Bowie. 473 00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:48,130 He's one of the seminal artists of the last 35 years, doing work tantamount to genius, 474 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:51,895 whereas you've just made a camp, catchphrase-based comedy. 475 00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,097 Just got a bad review off a bouncer. 476 00:22:54,180 --> 00:22:56,011 -No. I just know what I like. -Yeah? Do you like money? 477 00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:58,375 -Sorry? -Do you like money? 20 quid. 478 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,974 Sorry. You're trying to bribe me to sit next to David Bowie now? 479 00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:02,937 I'm giving you 20 quid to sit there in those spare seats. 480 00:23:03,020 --> 00:23:04,055 No. 481 00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:07,454 50? 482 00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:09,212 -50 quid? -Yeah. 483 00:23:11,660 --> 00:23:13,139 Let's see it. 484 00:23:17,260 --> 00:23:18,898 -You got a 10? I've only got 20s. -No. 485 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,618 Well, it's either 40 or 60, then. 486 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,656 -60, then. -60, then. 487 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,331 That's for both of us. 488 00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:33,330 Go and get a drink. I haven't got any money now. 489 00:23:33,420 --> 00:23:35,695 -Hey, what are you doing in there? -It's the VIP area, innit? 490 00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:37,372 Can we come in 'cause we're getting no action out here? 491 00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:41,294 -It's a wasteland. -You're on your own. I'm not made of money. 492 00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:45,098 It's the same seat! It's actually the same seat for 60 quid! 493 00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:46,533 You paid 60 quid to go in here? 494 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:48,531 -You should've let me negotiate. -Your show's shit, mate. 495 00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:51,134 They can still see me! There should be an actual barrier or something. 496 00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:53,609 Let's go and sit next to David Bowie. He's not getting any hassle. 497 00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,009 -We can't just sit next to him. -We'll just go and speak to him. 498 00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:57,692 -I don't know him, do l? -Excuse me. 499 00:23:57,780 --> 00:23:59,293 -What are you doing? -It's all right. 500 00:23:59,380 --> 00:24:00,699 Excuse me. 501 00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:04,813 Mr Bowie, can I just say that we're both very big fans? 502 00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:07,016 I can't hear you, love. Come over here. 503 00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:09,011 (WHISPERING) Come on, go, go! 504 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,898 Budge up a bit, Linda. Thank you. 505 00:24:13,980 --> 00:24:15,254 -Hi. -Hi, hi. 506 00:24:15,340 --> 00:24:17,456 We were just saying that I'm an entertainer, too. 507 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,292 Oh, yeah? What do you do? 508 00:24:19,380 --> 00:24:21,496 -I'm in a sitcom. -It's called When The Whistle Blows. 509 00:24:21,580 --> 00:24:24,299 -Have you seen it? -I haven't, no. Is it any good? 510 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:28,612 -MAN: No. It's shit. -Oh, just riff-raff everywhere. 511 00:24:29,780 --> 00:24:33,136 -Not going down too well, huh? -It's getting six million viewers... 512 00:24:33,220 --> 00:24:36,178 I mean, it's not exactly how I meant it to be 513 00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:39,093 because the BBC have interfered and sort of chased ratings 514 00:24:39,180 --> 00:24:41,216 and made it a lowest common denominator sort of comedy. 515 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,258 Sort of catchphrases and wigs and... 516 00:24:44,340 --> 00:24:46,934 -I think I've sold out, to be honest, but... -Yeah. 517 00:24:47,020 --> 00:24:48,658 It's difficult, innit? When they... 518 00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:50,731 To keep your integrity when you're going for that first... 519 00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:53,573 # The little fat man who sold his soul 520 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,775 The little? 521 00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:57,658 # Little fat man who sold his dream 522 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:02,935 # Chubby little loser 523 00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:06,858 (PLAYING PIANO) 524 00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:09,215 # Chubby little loser 525 00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:11,860 # National joke # 526 00:25:11,940 --> 00:25:13,578 No, not chubby little loser. 527 00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:14,979 -No. -No. 528 00:25:15,060 --> 00:25:17,654 # Pathetic little fat man 529 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:19,890 # No one's bloody laughing 530 00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:22,494 # The clown that no one laughs at 531 00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:25,333 # They all just wish he'd die 532 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,337 # He's so depressed at being useless 533 00:25:30,420 --> 00:25:32,695 # The fat man takes his own life 534 00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:33,895 BOWIE: No, no. 535 00:25:33,980 --> 00:25:36,972 # He's so depressed at being hated 536 00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:39,369 # Fatty takes his own life 537 00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:41,371 -Fatty? Fatso? -Fatso, I like fatso. 538 00:25:41,460 --> 00:25:43,052 Yeah, let's go with fatso. 539 00:25:43,140 --> 00:25:45,335 # Fatso takes his own life 540 00:25:45,420 --> 00:25:48,173 # He blows his bloated face off 541 00:25:48,260 --> 00:25:49,295 No. 542 00:25:49,740 --> 00:25:52,493 # He blows his stupid brains out 543 00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:55,697 -But the twat'd probably miss! -Yes, Linda. I like that. 544 00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:57,532 Yes, so do l. It's brilliant, Linda. 545 00:25:57,620 --> 00:26:02,057 # He sold his soul for a shot at fame 546 00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:05,928 # Catchphrase and wig and the jokes are lame 547 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:09,899 # He's got no style He's got no grace 548 00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:13,973 # He's banal and facile He's a fat waste of space # 549 00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:18,053 Yeah, yeah. Everybody sing that last line. One, two, three... 550 00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:22,736 ALL: # He's banal and facile He's a fat waste of space 551 00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:26,096 # See his pug-nosed face 552 00:26:27,020 --> 00:26:29,614 # Pug, pug, pug, pug 553 00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:30,689 Again! 554 00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:33,658 ALL: # See his pug-nosed face 555 00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:34,775 # Yeah 556 00:26:34,860 --> 00:26:37,454 # Pug, pug, pug, pug 557 00:26:37,540 --> 00:26:38,529 Again! 558 00:26:38,620 --> 00:26:41,339 # See his pug-nosed face 559 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:45,452 # Pug, pug, pug, pug 560 00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:49,728 # The little fat man with the pug-nosed face # See his pug-nosed face 561 00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:52,812 # Pug, pug, pug, pug 562 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,575 # Little fat man, pug-nosed face # See his pug-nosed face 563 00:26:56,660 --> 00:27:00,289 # Hey, pug, pug, pug, pug 564 00:27:00,380 --> 00:27:04,293 # He's a little fat man, pug-nosed face # See his pug-nosed face 565 00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:07,850 # Pug, pug, pug, pug # 566 00:27:11,260 --> 00:27:13,137 -What did you have for tea? -Turkey. 567 00:27:13,220 --> 00:27:16,451 -Turkey! What else? -Turkey, just turkey. 568 00:27:16,540 --> 00:27:20,328 -Just turkey! You can't have just turkey. -Turkey sandwiches. 569 00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:22,614 Pint of Fosters. 570 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:26,215 MAGGIE: Hi. A pint of Fosters and a dry white wine, please. 571 00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:27,938 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 572 00:27:28,860 --> 00:27:30,452 You've put some weight on. 573 00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:34,294 -BARMAN: That's 5.80, thanks. -5.80? Are you having a laugh? 574 00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:38,136 -It's him! It's him! It's Andy Millman. -All right? 575 00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:40,292 -You all right? -All right, mate? How's it going? 576 00:27:40,380 --> 00:27:42,018 -This is Ralph. -Hello, mate. You all right? 577 00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:43,579 -Walnut. -Hiya. 578 00:27:43,660 --> 00:27:45,935 -And this is Count Fuckula. -All right. 579 00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:47,817 -Why do they call you that? -Because if I see something, 580 00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:51,973 I've got to fuck it. I never stop. Oh, yeah. 581 00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:55,292 -He never stops! -He never stops! 582 00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:58,497 -Can I just get your autograph? -Oh, yeah, sure. 583 00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:01,373 Get a picture, get a picture, get a picture. 584 00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:06,659 -Here, here, "l don't get it." -It's Gobbler! It's Gobbler. 585 00:28:06,980 --> 00:28:08,174 Thanks. 586 00:28:09,305 --> 00:28:15,781 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/4v732 Help other users to choose the best subtitles