1
00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:03,681
There's no way a mouse
could kill a scorpion.

2
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,689
Dude, a mouse could kill...
It's got sharp claws and teeth.

3
00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:08,658
A rat could kill a scorpion. No shit,
Frank, but we're not talking about a rat.

4
00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:11,490
We're talking about a mouse. If we were
talking about a rat, it still would lose.

5
00:00:11,562 --> 00:00:15,623
A scorpion's this big. A little mouse
fighting a scorpion, and that is final!

6
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,134
Shut up!

7
00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:20,966
Shut up! Oh, my God!
I don't care!

8
00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:23,667
All we're doing is arguing
about the most stupid shit

9
00:00:23,741 --> 00:00:26,073
A rat. A scorpion.
I don't care, man!

10
00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,078
When did this start happening?

11
00:00:28,146 --> 00:00:31,513
When did we start arguing all the
time and fighting? This isn't like us!

12
00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:35,712
Look. We're working our asses off in this bar,
and we're getting nothing to show for it...

13
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:38,051
and so we're starting to
snip and pick at each other.

14
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,613
And it's bullshit, man. 'Cause guess
what. It's a beautiful day outside.

15
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:43,160
Okay?
We need to change things up.

16
00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:45,627
Let's go outside. Let's
get some fresh air.

17
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,688
Let's run around a little bit.
You know?

18
00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:50,325
Let's just do something different.

19
00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:52,869
You know what, Charlie?
You're right. This is great.

20
00:00:52,937 --> 00:00:55,201
Yeah. It's just nice to do
something different for a change.

21
00:00:55,273 --> 00:00:57,298
Yeah. Enjoy a little
blue sky, some fresh air.

22
00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:59,434
Yeah. Some, uh, earth
beneath our feet.

23
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:01,671
See? I told you guys
you'd like it. Yeah.

24
00:01:04,615 --> 00:01:06,344
It's goddamn bright out here.

25
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,318
It's so bright. I can't use my eyes.

26
00:01:09,387 --> 00:01:12,379
There's people playing football right
next to us. Like there's no room to drink.

27
00:01:12,457 --> 00:01:16,188
Tell you what. I would like to go back
to the bar. Let's go back to the bar!

28
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,694
Are you kidding me?
Oh!

29
00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:21,323
Oh, look out. Let me see
that. Can I get that back?

30
00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:23,492
Yeah. Go long. I'll
toss you a wicked spiral.

31
00:01:23,568 --> 00:01:26,560
Want to just give me the ball,
dude? We're trying to practice.

32
00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:29,401
What are you practicing for?
I'm trying out for the Eagles.

33
00:01:29,474 --> 00:01:32,773
Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles?

34
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:35,369
Yeah. They're holding
tryouts for the public.

35
00:01:35,446 --> 00:01:37,380
Like in that movie,
Invincible.

36
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,780
Oh! Was that the one
where the guy from...

37
00:01:39,851 --> 00:01:42,718
the New Kids on the Block makes
it onto the Eagles? I saw that.

38
00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:45,915
Yeah. That's the one. That's a good one.
Wait. So they're actually doing that?

39
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:49,118
Yes. Just give me the football.
Okay.

40
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,390
Well, Dennis, I think you
know what we have to do.

41
00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

42
00:02:27,131 --> 00:02:29,964
Dude, did you read
this flyer?

43
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,832
Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us
a motivational speech. I know, dude.

44
00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:35,270
We are actually going to
be running on the Linc!

45
00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,831
Lincoln Field, baby! You guys think
you're actually gonna make the team?

46
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,901
No. Hell, no, we're
not gonna make the team.

47
00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:44,243
But we will finally get to prove once and
for all who's a better football player.

48
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:46,943
That's right. Trying out for the Eagles
is the best way to settle that score.

49
00:02:47,018 --> 00:02:49,282
You know what? I would like to
join your little competition.

50
00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:57,661
No, no, no, no, no. You...
You... You're a woman.

51
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,026
Women can't do things
like this. You'll get hurt.

52
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,292
No. Women aren't allowed
to try out for football.

53
00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:04,698
That's ridiculous. They should
at least be able to try out.

54
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,431
Well, there are plenty of other
sports that women can try out for.

55
00:03:07,505 --> 00:03:09,496
Yeah.
Like, uh, cooking and...

56
00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:11,667
Complaining to your friends
about your boyfriends.

57
00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,676
Yeah. Playing... Playing at ballet.

58
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,110
Cleaning. Displaying cars at
auto shows in tiny bikinis.

59
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:18,808
Yeah. When you get older, you can
play bridge together. I don't know.

60
00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,511
You know what? I am in such
better shape than both of you guys.

61
00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:24,555
Do you not think the first thing they're
gonna do to weed people out is make you run?

62
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:28,217
Oh, good luck. I could get so
much further than both of you.

63
00:03:30,094 --> 00:03:33,063
You think that's even a possibility? 'Cause
that could be very embarrassing for us.

64
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,930
Well, we're never gonna have to
find out because she can't try out.

65
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:40,061
You can't try out! You're not allowed
to try out. That is a rule, right?

66
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,536
Check the rules. Okay.
Let's double-check.

67
00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:43,836
We'll put a layer of beer,
then a layer of ice...

68
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:47,139
What are you guys doing? Dude,
we're gonna tailgate the tryouts.

69
00:03:47,211 --> 00:03:49,907
Oh, shit. That's a good idea. Oh,
you gonna bust out Green Man, bro?

70
00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:52,415
No. No Green Man.
What's Green Man?

71
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,713
Well, in high school, Charlie
was like our school mascot.

72
00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:59,188
A mascot nobody wanted. He'd get wasted
and dress in this green spandex bodysuit.

73
00:03:59,257 --> 00:04:02,055
Spandex?
It was really sad.

74
00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:04,321
That's it. You gotta
bring the Green Man suit.

75
00:04:04,395 --> 00:04:06,329
Yeah, no. Done with it.
The spandex.

76
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:08,661
Green Man was good. It got
me through some hard times.

77
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,327
But I'm done with it. Tell you
what. You can wear it if you want...

78
00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:14,769
but I'm just gonna be relaxing, okay?
This is gonna be about chilling out for me.

79
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:17,535
No. This is gonna be exactly
like Woodstock. Oh, is it?

80
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,508
Are you planning on getting
yourself locked in the bathroom...

81
00:04:19,577 --> 00:04:21,511
of your cousin's
Winnebago for three days?

82
00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:24,343
Shut up about that. I
survived on hand soap...

83
00:04:24,415 --> 00:04:27,748
and toilet water for three days.

84
00:04:28,819 --> 00:04:30,980
The memory haunts me.

85
00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,755
The Linc, dude The Linc
Yeah, baby.

86
00:04:35,826 --> 00:04:39,284
I am actually gonna be able to look down
and literally see how many yards I'm running.

87
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,456
This is gonna be awesome,
dude. We might actually get...

88
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,466
further in this little
tryout than we thought. Yeah?

89
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,468
See how many yahoos are
trying out? Oh, yeah.

90
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,470
I've seen a lot of
people wearing capes.

91
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,972
There are, like, 15 guys wearing
capes. Why would you wear a cape?

92
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,975
What advantage does that
give you? Absolutely none.

93
00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:54,807
You know what? Have a little respect. We
are here with the Philadelphia Eagles...

94
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:56,813
and they are opening
up their doors to us.

95
00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:58,815
This is a boyhood dream.
I know. I know.

96
00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:02,649
Why even come out here if you're not gonna
take this somewhat seriously? I mean...

97
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,655
You done pissing yet? No. No.
I haven't even started pissing...

98
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,748
because you're standing next
to me, you're talking to me.

99
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:10,623
It's making me nervous, and I can't do
my thing. All right. Want another beer?

100
00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:14,062
Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ sakes.
I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer?

101
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,122
Yeah.

102
00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:24,440
Okay. Cabana is assembled. The grill
is as sparkling as we're gonna get it.

103
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:29,070
The margarita machine here is
open for business. Time to relax.

104
00:05:29,146 --> 00:05:31,546
Want to drop some acid with me?

105
00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,550
What?
You're dropping acid?

106
00:05:33,618 --> 00:05:35,848
Mmm. Woodstock, baby.

107
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,388
Uh, okay.

108
00:05:38,456 --> 00:05:40,515
Well, no.
Thank you.

109
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:44,652
Uh, I believe that would have the complete
opposite effect of relaxation for me.

110
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:48,028
Well, I'm gonna trip balls.

111
00:05:48,099 --> 00:05:50,659
No. You messed up. It's too high.
It doesn't look right on you.

112
00:05:50,735 --> 00:05:52,999
Too high? No, I'm good at it,
dude. I did a good job on you.

113
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:55,004
That's 'cause I have good
cheekbones. You have good cheekbones?

114
00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:57,802
Yeah. That's 'cause you put
foundation all over, bro.

115
00:05:57,875 --> 00:06:01,367
I put a light base on just
to... Hey, guys. What's up?

116
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,005
What the hell is this?
How's it hangin'?

117
00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:07,050
This is a joke, right? You
think anyone's gonna buy that?

118
00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:09,211
Whatever, bro.
You're gonna get crushed.

119
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,221
Dee, the second any part of your body touches
that field, it's gonna shatter like glass.

120
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,951
You got bones like glass. I
don't have bones like glass.

121
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:18,484
You spent half your life in a back brace.
Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee.

122
00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:20,655
Move it, fellas. Let's get on the bus.

123
00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:22,392
Bus? What the hell
are you talking about?

124
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:25,559
The bus that takes you to the field.

125
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,002
Wait. I thought we were
gonna be playing on the Linc.

126
00:06:28,072 --> 00:06:31,007
You think you dipshits are gonna play
on the same field that champions play on?

127
00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:33,805
Where are we going?
"Where are we going?"

128
00:06:33,878 --> 00:06:37,336
We're going to a shitty high school in
Bucks County. Now get your ass on the bus.

129
00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:39,975
If I say it one more time...
If I say it one more time...

130
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:44,351
If I say it one more time... Sprint
to the bus. Sprint to the bus.

131
00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:50,393
That's everyone on the bus, dude.

132
00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:54,795
They're leaving. Maybe they're having
the tryouts in a different place.

133
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:59,063
Son of a bitch. All right. Screw it,
man. We're here. We'll just relax.

134
00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:02,765
Stay here and look at the Linc?
Like a couple of dicks in a yard?

135
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,434
Get out of here!
We gotta get up and go.

136
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,307
Oh...
Let's go follow that bus. Come on.

137
00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:12,042
All right. You get that. You get that.
Come on. Let's go. No, this is so much work.

138
00:07:12,116 --> 00:07:14,141
Charlie, get up. This is
work. I didn't want to...

139
00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:16,277
Let's go. Get the stuff.
We'll follow the bus.

140
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,687
I like your mustache.

141
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:23,124
Oh. Thank you.
Hmm.

142
00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:25,788
I can't grow one.

143
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,457
Okay.

144
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:31,797
That's a pretty sweet cape.
Thank you.

145
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,269
My mom made it.
Hmm.

146
00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:36,704
She did a very good job.
Yeah. She's talented.

147
00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:38,435
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.

148
00:07:38,509 --> 00:07:41,444
Can't believe we're not gonna be tearing
it up on the Linc. This is bullshit.

149
00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:44,413
Half the reason I wanted to do this in the
first place was to be out on that field.

150
00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:47,974
Hey, man. Stop smoking, will ya? Some
of us are trying to make the team.

151
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,986
Are you kidding me, bro?

152
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:52,716
No. Guy, if you think you're
actually going to make...

153
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:55,122
the Philadelphia Eagles,
then you're pathetic.

154
00:07:55,192 --> 00:07:58,320
You're pathetic. No, you're
pathetic, sport. No, you are

155
00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,453
You're pathetic!
You're pathetic!

156
00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,998
You're the one who is
pathetic! Whatever, man

157
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,261
When I'm done with this tryout...

158
00:08:04,335 --> 00:08:06,269
you'll go back to your
sad, pitiful life...

159
00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:08,305
and I'll be on the Eagles.

160
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:12,001
And everybody in Philadelphia
will know the name McPoyle.

161
00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:15,477
What'd you say your name is?
McPoyle.

162
00:08:15,546 --> 00:08:17,480
Doyle McPoyle.

163
00:08:20,251 --> 00:08:22,185
The unibrow.
Yeah.

164
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:25,279
The eczema. The acne. He's definitely a
McPoyle. There are so many of those people.

165
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,193
Now, this is what I'm talking about.

166
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,197
I don't know, dude.
Look at all the people.

167
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,325
Yeah, but we're stuck over here by the
portable shitters, man. It's kinda lame.

168
00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:39,130
Stop bitching and set up.

169
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:41,865
No. I'm not setting anything up,
all right? I'm sitting in my chair.

170
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:45,102
I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout
drunk, and you're leaving me alone.

171
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,542
All right.
Be a party pooper.

172
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,171
What are you doing,
dude? Taking more acid.

173
00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:54,047
Classic mistake, Frank. You're
making a classic mistake, bro.

174
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,949
Just shut up and sit
in your stupid chair.

175
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,147
It's your funeral, buddy.
Just shut up.

176
00:08:58,222 --> 00:09:00,520
Whoa! Hey there, guy.
That's good.

177
00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:03,219
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa You kidding me, man?

178
00:09:03,294 --> 00:09:05,455
What the hell is that
shit? Man, that won't fly.

179
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:09,056
Come on, dude. You almost
ran me... Oh, my God.

180
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,124
The McPoyle brothers.
Hello, Charles.

181
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,897
What the hell are
you guys doing here?

182
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,495
We came to support our brother
Doyle. He's gonna make the Eagles.

183
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:17,939
Okay. Well, that's fantastic.
Great. Whatever, man. That's great.

184
00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,841
Yeah. Look... But your bus is
spilling over into our space.

185
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,742
You almost ran me over, man.

186
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,872
Move it back. You gotta
move it back a few feet.

187
00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:26,712
No. No can do.
We need the space.

188
00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:28,183
For what?

189
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:29,879
The whole family's here.

190
00:09:29,954 --> 00:09:32,184
Oh, that's great.

191
00:09:32,256 --> 00:09:35,384
Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?
Great. Of course you're here. Good.

192
00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:38,257
How many... What is that a jar of?

193
00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:40,388
What is that a jar of,
dude? What is... Pig parts.

194
00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:44,264
How many can there possibly be?
Oh, good to see her again. Good.

195
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,065
She doesn't know what I'm saying,
right? Okay. Here he comes.

196
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:50,504
Yeah. You're... You're here
in the world. That's the sun.

197
00:09:50,574 --> 00:09:53,065
It's gonna hurt your eyes. Watch
your mouth. They've got thin corneas.

198
00:09:53,143 --> 00:09:55,270
What is that? A fife? You
brought your little flute.

199
00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,940
Is there more? Are there
any more? Get 'em all out.

200
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,347
All right. Look. I tell you
what. Leave me alone, okay?

201
00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,442
I don't care what you
do. Just leave me alone.

202
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,749
'Cause, like, I'm here to
relax and have a good time.

203
00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:07,620
I don't want any of your shit.
All right? So leave me alone, okay?

204
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,886
We be cool.
We're even now.

205
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,894
Bump it.

206
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:14,396
I'm not bumping your fist.
Bump it.

207
00:10:14,465 --> 00:10:16,626
Do it, Charlie. Bump it. I'm
not bumping you, all right?

208
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,134
I never bumped him once! I'm not
gonna bump him! Let's go, Charlie.

209
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,866
Whatever. No bumping. I just don't
want... These guys are freak shows, man.

210
00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:26,376
Hustle up! Let's go, bitches!

211
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:28,308
Let's move it!
Let's move it!

212
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,313
I was here first, Coach.
Hustle!

213
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,714
Coach! Hi. Hi, there.
Cole. Cole Armstrong.

214
00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:36,150
Three time all-American. Fastest
sprinter in five counties.

215
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:40,156
Coach, would you like us to stand when you
address us, or do you prefer we take a knee?

216
00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:42,954
I don't give a shit!
Okay. I'll take a knee.

217
00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:45,655
Yeah. I'll take a knee.

218
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,391
We're doing these tryouts for you...

219
00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:52,561
because of your harassment and your
love for the New Kids on the Block movie.

220
00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:57,596
You paid your $30 fee. We
promised you a keynote speaker.

221
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,010
All right. Bring him up.

222
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,444
McNabb, dude.
McNabb.

223
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,485
Gentlemen!

224
00:11:08,552 --> 00:11:12,044
Uh, is this good here? Yeah, that's
cool. Just put your parking brake on.

225
00:11:12,122 --> 00:11:15,683
Donovan McNabb.

226
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,986
Hey, guys.

227
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,088
I'm Donovan McNabb.
Whoo.

228
00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:23,690
Uh, I play quarterback for
the Philadelphia Eagles.

229
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,167
And I'm here to tell
you that you can, too...

230
00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:30,070
if you start every day with a
hearty breakfast from McDonald's.

231
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,371
Uh, like the new Sausage
Egg McGriddle Value Meal...

232
00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:36,971
available now for a limited
time for under five dollars.

233
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:40,380
Remember, guys. Real
champs eat at McDonald's.

234
00:11:41,552 --> 00:11:44,112
I'm lovin' it.
Can I get the check?

235
00:11:44,188 --> 00:11:46,850
That's good.
What the hell was that?

236
00:11:46,924 --> 00:11:49,051
Thanks, Donnie.

237
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,356
That was not Donovan McNabb!
That was not Donovan McNabb!

238
00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:53,692
Yes, it was. It was
like a McDonald's plug.

239
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:56,733
Was that the guy from The Cosby
Show? That's not the guy from...

240
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,064
Yeah. He was married
to Sondra. Alvin. Alvin.

241
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,263
That's awesome. They had
Raven-Symoné. That's So Raven.

242
00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:05,240
That's not the guy from...
You know what? Sprints!

243
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:08,210
Goddamn it!
Sprints!

244
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,371
Sprints!
Good job, dude.

245
00:12:13,998 --> 00:12:16,728
I'm starting to feel it.
Mmm! I bet you are, bud.

246
00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:19,895
Feeling weird. Yeah. You're
probably feeling very weird.

247
00:12:19,971 --> 00:12:22,371
The acid's making me feel
like I gotta take a dump.

248
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,273
That's what happens when you take
a lot of acid, dude. I gotta go.

249
00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:27,277
Then go.

250
00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:30,371
The line's too long.
Maybe I can hold it in.

251
00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:32,439
Then go in the McPoyles'
camper, dude.

252
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:36,351
Oh, no. That might
bring back bad memories.

253
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,479
I think I'm gonna hold it.

254
00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:40,524
How you feeling?
Annoyed.

255
00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:42,525
There's nothing kicking in yet?

256
00:12:42,593 --> 00:12:45,323
What are you talking about?
The beer? No. The acid.

257
00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,421
I did not take any acid.
Remember?

258
00:12:47,498 --> 00:12:49,489
Oh, yeah, you did.

259
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:52,764
What are you talking about? I
put a shitload of it in your beer.

260
00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:54,828
What?
Yeah.

261
00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:58,603
Is that what all those little pieces of paper
were floating... I drank all that shit, dude!

262
00:12:58,676 --> 00:13:00,667
That's okay. There was,
like, a ton of acid in there!

263
00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,679
Yeah.
Why would you do that?

264
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,738
I don't want to be the only
one tripping. Oh, my God, man!

265
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,750
Charlie.
Oh, my God!

266
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,286
I actually really have to
go take a dump. Oh, my God.

267
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:13,585
Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper.
I don't care, dude. Get out of here.

268
00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,626
Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude!

269
00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:19,493
Why would you do...
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

270
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,092
You ready to quit yet, Cole?
Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole?

271
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:27,660
Yeah, Cole! We ran
for, like, 10 minutes.

272
00:13:27,738 --> 00:13:30,172
My side is gonna explode. You
guys are in terrible shape.

273
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,506
This is gonna be a lot
easier than I thought.

274
00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:35,569
Let's go! Let's go!
Move it!

275
00:13:35,646 --> 00:13:37,637
I'm in so much pain.

276
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,047
All right. Now that we
got our hearts pumping...

277
00:13:40,117 --> 00:13:43,518
let's pick out some gear, pick
a partner... hitting drills!

278
00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,783
I pick Cole!

279
00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,725
Oh, no, he didn't!
Oh, no, he didn't!

280
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,729
That's my dance. That's
my signature dance. Yeah.

281
00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:54,731
I'm gonna do that when
I tackle people. Yeah.

282
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:57,165
I like your form on that, and I
liked how you went before the whistle.

283
00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:59,203
Goddamn right.
Nice.

284
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,204
All right, guys.

285
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,206
Let's pick new partners.

286
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:08,844
Eeny, meeny...

287
00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,847
miny, mo.

288
00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,283
Nice.

289
00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:18,345
All right.
You're up, man.

290
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:23,654
Ah. Uh, hitting's not
really my thing, Coach.

291
00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:26,925
Spoken like a true champion.
You just might make the team.

292
00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:29,398
Awesome. Really?

293
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:31,401
Jesus Christ.

294
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:35,496
Okay, Frank. That
was easy. Now just exit.

295
00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:39,441
Don't talk to anybody.
These people are freak shows.

296
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,774
Wait. Wait.
Better wash your hands.

297
00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:44,644
No telling what kind of
germs these McPoyles have.

298
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:48,408
Oh! Crap!

299
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:53,021
I'm starting to feel weird.

300
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,893
What the hell?
Oh, no. Not again.

301
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:59,953
Oh, no! Hey!

302
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:03,797
Hey! Hey! Hey! Somebody
get me outta here!

303
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:07,804
Man, my brother just
leveled your boy out there.

304
00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:11,171
He's gonna make the Eagles.
Yeah, your boy's a pansy.

305
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:14,268
But Doyle's a big strong guy. It's
probably 'cause he eats all that fish.

306
00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:17,837
Is he just gonna talk at
me? I am gonna lose my shit.

307
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:21,442
What is going on with his head?
It's too small or tight or something.

308
00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:23,987
Yeah, that's it.
His skin's too tight.

309
00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,989
My skin's not tight.

310
00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:33,593
Good catch, Doyle!
Good catch Way to hustle!

311
00:15:33,664 --> 00:15:37,293
Way to hustle! All right.
Who's next? This guy.

312
00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:41,971
All right.
Run out and hook in.

313
00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:45,440
Run out and hook in. Show these
people how to play football.

314
00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:49,172
I'm gonna make Mac look so bad.

315
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,942
My form is perfect.
I'm like Jerry Rice.

316
00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:55,508
Feel that stride.
So fluid and fast.

317
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:57,520
I've got the stride of a gazelle.

318
00:15:57,588 --> 00:15:59,749
A beautiful, beautiful
gazelle person.

319
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:02,816
My body is achieving a
perfect symmetry right now.

320
00:16:02,893 --> 00:16:05,828
It's that long, lean muscle
I've worked so hard to achieve.

321
00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:08,524
Hmm, I should've popped
my shirt off. Goddamn it.

322
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,567
Really should've
popped that shirt off.

323
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,693
I wonder if any women are
watching from the sidelines.

324
00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:19,576
All right, Dee. You can do this.

325
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,373
You can kick a football. You're
better at sports than Mac and Dennis.

326
00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:28,284
Holy shit!

327
00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:30,616
The other coaches
gotta hear about this.

328
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:36,457
Well, well, look who's a natural.

329
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:39,655
Guess I'll be getting
further than you after all.

330
00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,932
Maybe it was a lucky kick.
No.

331
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,195
No. Those storklike legs...
they act like pendulums.

332
00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:49,672
And on the bottoms of those
pendulums, feet like wrecking balls.

333
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,674
We gotta do something
about this, dude.

334
00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:54,006
Let's go talk to Frank.
Come on. I got an idea.

335
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:57,707
Somebody! Somebody help!

336
00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:01,377
Goddamn it!
Goddamn it! Not again!

337
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,352
Frank.

338
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:11,987
Hey, Frank.
Who said that?

339
00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:14,930
I'm Artemis.
I'm Dee's friend.

340
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:19,065
I'm trapped.
I know.

341
00:17:19,136 --> 00:17:22,697
But I can help.
Crawl into my mouth.

342
00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:25,708
I don't think I can fit.

343
00:17:25,776 --> 00:17:29,610
Mmm, sure you will. Just
go one leg at a time.

344
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:34,017
Okay.

345
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:41,023
Into the toilet I go.

346
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:47,795
Man, this is crazy. You are dancing
with the entire McRoyle family.

347
00:17:47,865 --> 00:17:51,130
These people are freak
shows, man. Freaks.

348
00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:53,466
But you're keeping your cool.
You are keeping your cool.

349
00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:56,597
You know why? Because
you are the Green Man.

350
00:17:56,674 --> 00:17:59,370
Green Man is saving
your life right now, bro.

351
00:17:59,443 --> 00:18:01,377
Just go with the flow.

352
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,380
Charlie, we've been looking all
over for you, dude. Ah, Green Man.

353
00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:06,473
I knew you couldn't resist.
Huh?

354
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:08,711
You know what? I'm actually
tripping pretty hard right now.

355
00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:11,186
You're tripping?
Yeah.

356
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:14,383
Frank gave me some acid, and
it's like... whoo! Oh, Jesus.

357
00:18:14,458 --> 00:18:18,952
Hey, guys. Guess who got invited to
training camp. Yeah. We're gonna be famous.

358
00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:22,624
Look. We need to talk to Green Man alone for
a second, please. Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye.

359
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,692
Hey. Can we talk to the Green Man? Just
go. Thank you. Can we... Guys mind...

360
00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:28,169
Charlie, where's Frank? It's
very important. Really important.

361
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:29,433
Oh, Frank?
Yes.

362
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,737
He's standing right there.

363
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,778
Frank, what the hell are you doing?

364
00:18:35,846 --> 00:18:38,337
He's been trying to climb through
that trash can for 20 minutes.

365
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:41,145
I'm pretty sure he's on acid.

366
00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:43,982
Thank God you guys are
here. How'd you get in here?

367
00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,285
What are you talking about? I've been
stuck in this bathroom for three hours.

368
00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:49,292
I think he took a dump in there.

369
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,760
Can you give us a
second, please? Whatever.

370
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:54,491
I'm getting tired of
watching him anyway.

371
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:57,500
All right. Frank, listen.
Did you bring your gun today?

372
00:18:57,568 --> 00:18:59,035
Great. Walk me through
the plan. Awesome.

373
00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,798
The plan is, I get close to Dee.

374
00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:02,998
When she goes to punt the ball,
I'll fire the gun. It'll startle her.

375
00:19:03,073 --> 00:19:05,667
She'll blow the kick.
That's a great plan.

376
00:19:05,743 --> 00:19:08,211
Wait a second! How long have we been
standing right here? Like two seconds.

377
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:10,941
Seriously? Yeah. Frank, give
me the gun. We're in a hurry.

378
00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:12,642
Where is it?
It's in your hand.

379
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:15,776
Wait, wait, wait, wait! When
the hell did I put Green Man on?

380
00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:18,447
I don't know.
That lizard talks!

381
00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:20,615
Where? Where?
I don't like lizards!

382
00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:24,058
We don't have time for this. Frank, just
give us the gun! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

383
00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:27,495
Lizard, am I standing in poop?

384
00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:30,830
I'm about to demonstrate to all of
you my natural abilities as a punter.

385
00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,529
I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards
right in front of your faces...

386
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:36,198
and I'm gonna do it...

387
00:19:36,273 --> 00:19:38,207
as a woman.

388
00:19:38,275 --> 00:19:41,244
Oh, that's right. I'm a woman.

389
00:19:41,312 --> 00:19:43,644
And I'm about to show
all of you that women...

390
00:19:43,714 --> 00:19:45,875
should be allowed to try out
for the Philadelphia Eagles.

391
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:48,009
Coach.

392
00:19:52,189 --> 00:19:54,589
Wrap your minds around this.

393
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:56,819
Oh!

394
00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,260
Oh, I broke it.
Oh, it may be broken.

395
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,891
Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it.

396
00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:05,731
Kick your legs, man. Come on. All right,
Frank. You're out of the trash can.

397
00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,328
Now a deal is a deal. Give
us the gun. Hold on. Hold on.

398
00:20:08,405 --> 00:20:10,202
I'm really peaking here.

399
00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,538
Stop pointing the gun at
us! Stop pointing it at us!

400
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:15,670
Point it somewhere else. Nobody minds
if I do a little dancing now, do they?

401
00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:18,237
Nobody cares if you're
dancing, Charlie. Hey, guys.

402
00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:20,840
Could somebody please take me to the
hospital, because I'm pretty sure...

403
00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,284
I broke every single bone in my
foot punting that football. Really?

404
00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:26,414
Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles, but I would
like to go to the emergency room now, please.

405
00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:29,516
So your bones are made
out of glass. Yes! Nice.

406
00:20:29,593 --> 00:20:33,359
No, my bones aren't... Know what? It doesn't
matter, because I made the furthest, so I win.

407
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,489
No, I win because you're the girl,
and you got knocked unconscious.

408
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,397
You didn't win. You got
crushed. Once again! Yes!

409
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,800
That is so stupid. Guess
what. I made it the farthest.

410
00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:42,964
Yes, yes, yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

411
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,564
What are you talking about?
You shattered every...

412
00:20:46,176 --> 00:20:48,440
Holy shit. This thing is loaded.

413
00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:50,946
My leg!
Doyle, are you okay?

414
00:20:51,015 --> 00:20:53,916
My leg!
Somebody shot my leg!

415
00:20:53,984 --> 00:20:57,818
No!

416
00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,822
Oh, that's not good.
That's not good.

417
00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,155
No. That could come back and bite us
in the ass. That's not a good thing.

418
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:07,320
Ready?
Let's go!

419
00:21:08,305 --> 00:21:14,757
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