1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,673 No... 2 00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:07,788 What do you think? It's kind of doing nothing for my hip area and making a mess of my boobs. 3 00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:10,077 You know? Why don't you grab five more. 4 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:13,361 Look, we don't normally do this, but... 5 00:00:13,726 --> 00:00:16,632 ...i think i'm gonna need some proof that you're actually getting married. 6 00:00:16,792 --> 00:00:18,477 What? Why? 7 00:00:18,707 --> 00:00:22,418 Because you've been coming in here and trying on wedding dresses every saturday... 8 00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:24,085 ...for over a year now. 9 00:00:24,187 --> 00:00:27,453 Yes, that's 'cause it takes a really long time to plan on wedding. 10 00:00:27,553 --> 00:00:31,141 Don't get up all over my balls, Lucy, just go get the dresses. 11 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,458 - When is the wedding? - Soon. 12 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,801 - Where? - At church. 13 00:00:34,821 --> 00:00:36,421 - Which one? - The nearby one. 14 00:00:36,461 --> 00:00:38,064 - The nearby one? - The... Right down the street. 15 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,644 - Which street? - Spring. 16 00:00:39,724 --> 00:00:41,203 - What is your fiance's name? - Sam. 17 00:00:41,243 --> 00:00:43,280 - What is he do? - S... Salt. 18 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,770 Salt? 19 00:00:44,990 --> 00:00:47,073 Sea salt. Sea salt. 20 00:00:47,153 --> 00:00:49,285 He's a salt... Seaman. 21 00:00:49,455 --> 00:00:53,476 He dives into the ocean for the sea salt, 22 00:00:53,556 --> 00:00:57,968 and then he brings it back up and then, we eat it. So... 23 00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:01,883 - Okay, i'm getting the manager. - But... Don't get the... 24 00:01:02,704 --> 00:01:04,594 Damn it. 25 00:01:05,616 --> 00:01:07,366 Dee Reynolds? 26 00:01:07,615 --> 00:01:10,792 - Yes. - Brad Fisher. From high school. 27 00:01:10,866 --> 00:01:13,653 Brad Fisher. No way! 28 00:01:13,693 --> 00:01:15,327 You look amazing. 29 00:01:15,386 --> 00:01:17,787 Your acne cleared up really well! 30 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,385 I kinda grew into myself. 31 00:01:19,425 --> 00:01:21,669 Yes, you did. Yes, you did! 32 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,195 Why did i ever break up with you? 33 00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:25,256 - It was because of the acne. - Was it because of the acne? 34 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:28,533 Yes, when i got real bad, you dumped me and you said... 35 00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:30,685 ...it was because i was gonna grow up to look like Edward James Olmos. 36 00:01:30,805 --> 00:01:33,463 I don't really remember saying exactly that. 37 00:01:33,543 --> 00:01:35,029 It's fine, we were kids. 38 00:01:35,109 --> 00:01:38,194 We were kids! We're not kids anymore. 39 00:01:38,234 --> 00:01:40,283 - No. - Great. 40 00:01:40,323 --> 00:01:45,221 - So you're getting married, wow! - Yes. No, i'm not. 41 00:01:45,301 --> 00:01:48,233 This is because i was. But that didn't work out. 42 00:01:48,313 --> 00:01:51,307 Why are you asking? Are you single with your situation? 43 00:01:51,548 --> 00:01:53,143 I'm engaged. 44 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,864 That's why i'm here, my fiancee is try on a dress, 45 00:01:55,904 --> 00:01:57,381 i know i'm not supposed to see it before the wedding 46 00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:00,770 but we're having a whole not traditional, kinda small thing. 47 00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,543 So, you should meet her. Babe! 48 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,256 Come here for second, i want you to meet a friend of mine. 49 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,311 - What do you think of this one, Brad? - It's beautiful. 50 00:02:09,459 --> 00:02:11,775 Oh my god! 51 00:02:13,446 --> 00:02:19,446 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5 Episode 5 52 00:02:19,942 --> 00:02:24,399 Translate: Joe_Le_Taxi 53 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:32,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 54 00:02:47,003 --> 00:02:48,316 Okay... 55 00:02:48,322 --> 00:02:49,796 Don't poke at it. 56 00:02:49,876 --> 00:02:51,943 Just get it safely down into the box. 57 00:02:51,983 --> 00:02:53,723 Dude, you're gonna agitate the bees. 58 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:57,293 I'm fine with the bees. It's the honey i don't wanna agitate. 59 00:02:57,562 --> 00:02:59,445 Is that your end game here? Honey? 60 00:02:59,565 --> 00:03:02,465 Yeah, i figure we keep the hive in the basement and we all have save honey. 61 00:03:02,625 --> 00:03:05,040 We always have bees is what we always have. 62 00:03:05,232 --> 00:03:07,253 - What? - I think i just saw a wasp. 63 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,648 - You think that it was a wasp? - Did you see that? 64 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,183 - It was a wasp, right? - Is this a wasp nest? 65 00:03:10,263 --> 00:03:12,350 - This is a wasp nest. - I'm out. 66 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,431 I don't wanna tango with the bunch of wasps. 67 00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:16,908 Do wasp make honey? 68 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,388 No, wasps do not make honey. 69 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,096 I'm gonna check it out anyway. 70 00:03:21,136 --> 00:03:23,800 There could be something delicious in here that wasp do make. 71 00:03:23,864 --> 00:03:25,347 I want that. 72 00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:28,115 Mac, Dennis, can i talk to you in the office, please? 73 00:03:28,235 --> 00:03:31,286 - Why can't we just talk right here? - Because it's private. 74 00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:34,128 That sounds like a whole thing. I'm not into it. 75 00:03:35,844 --> 00:03:38,900 Shit. I just got stung. There was a hornet. 76 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,492 This is a hornet's nest. 77 00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:42,562 You know what guys? Why don't we step into back office 78 00:03:42,602 --> 00:03:45,619 while Charlie deals with this whole hornet wasp situation. 79 00:03:47,308 --> 00:03:49,612 Am i a bad boy? I'm a bad boy? 80 00:03:49,673 --> 00:03:52,301 Put some vegetable oil on it. That'll make you feel better. 81 00:03:52,461 --> 00:03:54,450 Okay. Bye, sexy. 82 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:57,472 Who was that? 83 00:03:57,540 --> 00:04:01,303 That's my booty call, we're into some really weird food fetish stuff. 84 00:04:01,343 --> 00:04:02,917 - Gross. - Okay, you guys, 85 00:04:02,957 --> 00:04:04,522 listen up, we have a serious problem. 86 00:04:04,602 --> 00:04:06,866 The waitress is getting married. 87 00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:09,483 Yeah, i heard about that, Artemis told me. 88 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:11,143 Since when do you talk to Artemis? 89 00:04:11,364 --> 00:04:12,760 She's my booty call. 90 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,388 Weird. We're get into that later. 91 00:04:14,468 --> 00:04:16,161 Right now, we gotta deal with this waitress situation. 92 00:04:16,241 --> 00:04:18,536 Dee, why do you give a shit about the waitress is getting married? 93 00:04:18,576 --> 00:04:20,710 - She has been nothing but trouble for us. - Good point. 94 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:22,055 She doesn't seem to get our sense of humor, 95 00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:23,969 - we do stuff that i think it's funny... - Hilarious. 96 00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:27,059 Guys! I cannot believe you're not thinking about Charlie right now, 97 00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:29,649 - this is gonna crush him. - You don't give a shit about Charlie, 98 00:04:29,729 --> 00:04:33,076 all your care about is that the waitress is getting married before you. 99 00:04:33,156 --> 00:04:35,631 That or she's afraid that Charlie might blow his brains out... 100 00:04:35,711 --> 00:04:37,372 and then she have to do all the Charlie work. 101 00:04:37,452 --> 00:04:39,157 - That's what it is. - Okay, fine. 102 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,947 A) I don't wanna do Charlie's work once he kills himself. 103 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,435 B) How could the waitress getting married before me? 104 00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:45,804 I'm way hotter than she is. 105 00:04:45,844 --> 00:04:47,192 And C) Get this, 106 00:04:47,232 --> 00:04:50,119 the guy she's marrying used to be my boyfriend. 107 00:04:50,199 --> 00:04:52,477 You know what I just realized, i don't care about anything she saying. 108 00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,398 But i do care about is the fact that Charlie might... 109 00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:55,880 ...go postal if he finds about this 110 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,351 and kill all of us. 111 00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,260 Right. Shit, we're probably the ones who real rescuer. 112 00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:05,235 We'll just find something to distract him until the whole wedding thing blows over. 113 00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:07,369 Get him his own booty call. 114 00:05:07,503 --> 00:05:09,293 or at least another chick to stalk. 115 00:05:09,373 --> 00:05:11,503 Great in the mean time, I'll try to sabotage the wedding 116 00:05:11,543 --> 00:05:13,520 by luring Brad away from her. 117 00:05:13,679 --> 00:05:16,140 Dee, save yourself to embarrassment. 118 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,299 Let's... Watch out for the hornets. 119 00:05:19,575 --> 00:05:21,182 Don't push me. 120 00:05:28,191 --> 00:05:30,715 Hey yo! Hey what's..what are you doing there buddy? 121 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,787 I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so i can get their honey, 122 00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:35,911 but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me 123 00:05:35,951 --> 00:05:37,877 on my face and I think I just swallowed one. 124 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,179 As i tried to explain before, 125 00:05:39,219 --> 00:05:41,271 you can not get honey from a hornet's nest. 126 00:05:41,351 --> 00:05:43,826 I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy. 127 00:05:43,866 --> 00:05:47,235 There is some very basic science out there supporting that. -No no. Trust me, pal. 128 00:05:47,502 --> 00:05:49,800 - It's actually a fact. It's not even science. - Why are you even bothering getting into this... 129 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,772 - I don't know, i just feel like... - Charlie, 130 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,479 we're gonna get you back on the dating scene,bro. ? 131 00:05:54,559 --> 00:05:57,116 That's actually why we here, we're gonna put your profile on Match.com. 132 00:05:57,196 --> 00:05:59,351 I don't see why, i got the waitress, guys. 133 00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:03,405 Yeah, but we thought maybe you can meet somebody new. 134 00:06:03,485 --> 00:06:04,932 Someone you like even more than the waitress. 135 00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:06,312 I don't see that's possible. 136 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,996 But i tell you what, let me pop a quick H on this box, 137 00:06:09,116 --> 00:06:12,649 this way we all know that it's filled with hornets. Okay? 138 00:06:12,729 --> 00:06:14,045 Okay, do what you gotta do. 139 00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:15,549 These things sting like a bitch, man. 140 00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:18,559 First thing we're gotta do is, we're gotta take your picture for the profile, so... 141 00:06:19,021 --> 00:06:21,990 - So do you have the make up? - No make up. 142 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,952 That's hornet's stings are pretty bad, buddy.. 143 00:06:24,202 --> 00:06:26,209 I am who i am. 144 00:06:26,441 --> 00:06:28,487 Right, but... Let's do who you are... 145 00:06:28,527 --> 00:06:31,659 Let's pretend you're not who you are and just try to attract a woman. 146 00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:34,365 I'll tell you what. What if I wore a checkered hat and smoked a pipe? 147 00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:35,825 That'd work. 148 00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:38,498 Why would you want a checkered hat and a pipe? 149 00:06:38,673 --> 00:06:40,708 You know, for the Sherlock Holmes look. 150 00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,595 Why would you want to look like Sherlock Holmes? 151 00:06:42,675 --> 00:06:45,190 - Who are you trying to attract exactly? - Intelligent women. 152 00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:48,920 I'm just gonna take the photo right now, without the makeup, and see if he likes it. Ready? 153 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,872 Oh, that felt good. Was that sexy? 154 00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:55,393 That’s.. uhh, We'll Photoshop it. 155 00:06:55,473 --> 00:06:58,492 Yeah, I can see where this is going. Let's just not do that right now. 156 00:06:58,572 --> 00:07:00,150 - Wanna take another one? - No. 157 00:07:00,232 --> 00:07:02,130 We'll find your another picture that we can use. 158 00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:05,381 Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. 159 00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:07,572 How about your favorite food. What would that be? 160 00:07:07,621 --> 00:07:09,262 Milksteak. 161 00:07:09,873 --> 00:07:12,027 - What? - Milksteak. 162 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,900 - I'm not putting milksteak. - Just put steak. 163 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:15,812 - I'm gonna put steak. - Don't put steak, 164 00:07:15,815 --> 00:07:17,115 put milksteak. She'll know what it is. 165 00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:19,525 No she won't know what it is, Charlie. Nobody knows what that is. 166 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,890 Okay, alright. What's your favorite hobby? 167 00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:23,443 Magnets. 168 00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,937 Okay, what, making magnets? Collecting magnets? 169 00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:28,530 - Playing with magnets? - Just magnets. 170 00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:30,287 I'm gonna put snowboarding. We'll put snowboarding. 171 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,600 I don't really snowboard. 172 00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:33,784 - Alright, what are some of your likes? - Ghouls. 173 00:07:33,846 --> 00:07:36,185 Son of a bitch. What are you talking about now? 174 00:07:36,225 --> 00:07:38,551 You know, funny little green ghouls. Go... 175 00:07:38,944 --> 00:07:40,933 What? Like in movies, in cartoons? 176 00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:42,548 Little green ghouls, buddy! 177 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,849 - Don't write ghouls! - I'm not! 178 00:07:43,868 --> 00:07:46,378 I'm putting travel, Jesus Christ. What are your dislikes? 179 00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:48,024 - People's knees. - Come on, dude! 180 00:07:48,064 --> 00:07:49,959 You know what? We'll just make up all up. 181 00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:51,261 We'll make the whole thing up. Let's get out of here. 182 00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:52,563 We'll doctor the picture, we'll make it up. 183 00:07:52,565 --> 00:07:54,194 - We aren’t even going to use you for this. - Cover your knees up 184 00:07:54,234 --> 00:07:56,859 if you're gonna be walking around everywhere. 185 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,728 Where are you? 186 00:08:02,721 --> 00:08:04,768 Come on. 187 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,295 Bingo, bitch! 188 00:08:15,171 --> 00:08:16,694 Hey you guys, how are you? 189 00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:19,260 Alright, calm down! I'll be two seconds. 190 00:08:19,316 --> 00:08:21,327 Hi, how are you? 191 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,033 - What are you doing? - Okay, so listen up. 192 00:08:23,073 --> 00:08:28,879 I was thinking since Brad you were saying how your wedding was gonna be poor,boring or dull... 193 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:30,390 Did you say our wedding was gonna be dull? 194 00:08:30,430 --> 00:08:32,656 - I said it was gonna be small. - Small, that exactly what it was. 195 00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,877 Anyway i was thinking i can help you guys out 196 00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:36,806 by throwing you a bachelorette party 197 00:08:36,886 --> 00:08:38,630 And, Brad, you can totally come, 198 00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:40,918 since you guys decided to do that non-traditional mumbo jumbo. 199 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,498 I think we're good. 200 00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:46,061 You know what, i kinda would like to meet some of your friends. 201 00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:50,648 Hold on here, what am i hearing? You haven't met some of her great friends? 202 00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:52,767 Well, it's just because this happened really quickly. 203 00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:55,417 So, is it a yes or no? 'Cause you're kinda holding up traffic here. 204 00:08:55,497 --> 00:08:57,170 It's just... It's rude. 205 00:08:57,688 --> 00:08:59,972 I think it sounds great. 206 00:09:00,052 --> 00:09:03,556 Ok, perfect, wonderful. We've got a deal. See you guys tomorrow night in my place at 8. 207 00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:05,759 Bye Brad, good to see you. 208 00:09:05,938 --> 00:09:10,068 Ok, calm down, dick wads, it wasn't that bad. 209 00:09:26,461 --> 00:09:28,393 Deandra, you got any bacon bits? 210 00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:30,280 We like to put 'em in Artemis's hair 211 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,606 and they rain down on me when we bang. 212 00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:36,086 I feel like a Cobb salad. It's amazing. 213 00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:39,020 Okay, I have no idea why anyone would wanna feel like a Cobb salad, 214 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,131 but, whatever, that's good. Bring that up when Brad is here. 215 00:09:41,211 --> 00:09:42,950 Alright, Mrs. Mac? 216 00:09:43,030 --> 00:09:44,926 Make sure that you talk about how the waitress 217 00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:46,846 looks exactly like you, when you were young. 218 00:09:46,926 --> 00:09:50,393 Right? Remember that. There's a whole carton of cigarettes in it for you. 219 00:09:51,309 --> 00:09:52,676 Mrs. Kelly, remember... 220 00:09:52,716 --> 00:09:54,722 ...this man that i'm bringing over, he wants to... 221 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:58,104 - steal the love of your son's life away. - Nobody hurts my Charlie. 222 00:09:58,184 --> 00:10:00,527 That's good, keep that up, and keep the drinking coming, 223 00:10:00,607 --> 00:10:02,470 'cause it makes you get all weird. 224 00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,397 Alright, this is... 225 00:10:04,477 --> 00:10:06,171 They're here, is everyone ready? 226 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,983 You guys got it? Okay. 227 00:10:10,187 --> 00:10:11,946 Here they are! 228 00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,987 Sorry we're late, somebody took a little convincing. 229 00:10:15,067 --> 00:10:18,048 Yes, i really didn't wanna come, but Brad insisted. 230 00:10:18,255 --> 00:10:20,956 You big old fat stick in the mud. 231 00:10:21,036 --> 00:10:22,829 Come on in, you guys. 232 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:25,448 They're here, everybody. 233 00:10:25,838 --> 00:10:28,635 - What's up? - Here you go, would you like some punch? 234 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,610 - Is there alcohol in this? - No, no, no absolutely not. 235 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:34,679 I remember what an embarrassing problem you have with alcohol. 236 00:10:34,907 --> 00:10:39,039 Brad, did you know about her unfortunate problems with drugs and alcohol? 237 00:10:39,079 --> 00:10:41,033 - It's just alcohol. - Is it? - And he's aware. 238 00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,295 I thought there was like cocain and heroin, 239 00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:46,354 and remember when you were shooting out with the homeless people 240 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:47,655 and banging for money on the street. 241 00:10:47,656 --> 00:10:49,271 No, wow you're making all of that up. 242 00:10:49,351 --> 00:10:52,247 Really? No, no, no, you know what, you're absolutely right. 243 00:10:52,327 --> 00:10:54,858 I'm confusing you with the another pathetic, drunk that i know. 244 00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:57,060 So you can still have fun, can't you Brad? 245 00:10:57,140 --> 00:10:59,442 - I can. - Let's get beer. 246 00:11:00,935 --> 00:11:04,468 - You look really nice tonight. - Thank you, so do you. 247 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,263 Alright listen, you're gonna be your best tonight. 248 00:11:16,303 --> 00:11:18,053 This chick is a lawyer, she's gonna be pretty sharp. 249 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:20,473 - So stick with the game plan, alright? - She's a lawyer, i like that. 250 00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:23,837 - He's sweating through his shirt. - I know, listen, you remember your back story? 251 00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:27,717 No? You don't remember your back story? 252 00:11:27,956 --> 00:11:30,263 Listen, you're a philanthropist, that's what you are. 253 00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:32,983 You used to on a small business, but you gave all they up to help others. 254 00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,777 Who do i help? Who am i helping? 255 00:11:34,857 --> 00:11:37,148 It doesn't matter. I don't know, old people, 256 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:40,183 children autistics, dyslexic folks... 257 00:11:40,223 --> 00:11:41,918 - It really doesn't matter, Charlie. - I'm a flan... 258 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:46,206 - Phi-lan-thro-pist. - Dude i can't get it, how do you say, what it is? 259 00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:48,212 - Philanthropist. - Philanthropist! 260 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,829 Oh my God! What was that? 261 00:11:51,213 --> 00:11:53,078 Is that cheese? Have you eaten cheese? 262 00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:56,001 How much cheese have you eaten today? 263 00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:57,642 How much cheese is too much cheese? 264 00:11:57,722 --> 00:12:00,633 Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese. 265 00:12:00,673 --> 00:12:02,296 I had a lot of cheese. I had a block of cheese. 266 00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:03,711 You had a block of cheese today!? 267 00:12:03,751 --> 00:12:05,347 I was very nervous, and start eating cheese man! 268 00:12:05,387 --> 00:12:06,836 - Alright, alright. - Does that calm you down? 269 00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:08,802 Just don't breathe in her direction, okay? Whatever you do. 270 00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:10,627 - How do i look? - Relax, stick to the game plan. 271 00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:13,324 - Do i look handsome? - You look great. 272 00:12:16,246 --> 00:12:20,202 Ok, so I thought we would play a game, sort of a newlywed type of game... 273 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,979 ...and see how well you two know each other. Okay? 274 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:25,012 Question number one. 275 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,809 Who broke Brad's heart in high school... 276 00:12:27,889 --> 00:12:30,125 and feels really bad about it? 277 00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:32,447 Me. I broke Brad's heart in high school, 278 00:12:32,487 --> 00:12:35,531 and I feel really bad about it. Okay? 279 00:12:35,870 --> 00:12:37,951 Wait, you went to high school with us? 280 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,486 Yeah, I sat right next to you in Trig. 281 00:12:41,931 --> 00:12:44,513 Huh. Wow, you are very forgettable. 282 00:12:44,693 --> 00:12:46,074 Anyway, I will have you all know... 283 00:12:46,114 --> 00:12:48,475 that I also broke Brad's heart in high school, so… 284 00:12:48,555 --> 00:12:49,939 You dated Dee? 285 00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:52,478 - Briefly. Yeah. - We dated hard. Yep. 286 00:12:52,518 --> 00:12:55,559 Both you girls dumped him because of his pizza face. 287 00:12:56,522 --> 00:12:57,862 Oh, okay. Question number two. 288 00:12:58,022 --> 00:13:03,518 How many people in the room have... had sex with the bride to be? 289 00:13:03,995 --> 00:13:06,177 Uh, just me i hope. 290 00:13:06,197 --> 00:13:09,662 Whoops. Nuh uh. Over here guy. 291 00:13:09,695 --> 00:13:14,197 Okay, you know what,that was a really dark time in my life, and it was a terrible mistake. 292 00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:17,407 No, it's true, to be fair, it's true. She's in love with my brother, 293 00:13:17,487 --> 00:13:20,094 they have a sex tape together, this guy came along… 294 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:23,713 I used to look like her. Gimme me my cigarettes. 295 00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:25,875 Wait, I didn't tell you to go... 296 00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:28,412 Everybody's stealing my Charlie! 297 00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:31,253 - Oh my god. What the hell? - Okay, Brad, 298 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:33,069 - i think it's time for us to go. - We're gonna leave. 299 00:13:33,149 --> 00:13:35,928 - Alright. - No, no no, Brad don't leave yet. 300 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:37,651 I'm sorry, hold on no, no, don't leave. 301 00:13:37,731 --> 00:13:39,228 Oh you bitch! 302 00:13:39,308 --> 00:13:42,157 God damn it! I should be the one who getting married! 303 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:45,349 This is depressing. You wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom? 304 00:13:45,355 --> 00:13:46,669 Sure. Do you? 305 00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:49,216 No, no one is getting sweaty in my bathroom, just get out of here. 306 00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:52,023 Okay, we'll go get sweaty in the Wendy's bathroom. 307 00:13:52,103 --> 00:13:53,749 Great, go have sex at Wendy's. 308 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:55,191 Wonderful, get out of here. 309 00:13:55,231 --> 00:13:57,319 - This party sucks. - You suck! 310 00:13:57,365 --> 00:13:58,665 I need a ride. 311 00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,102 Oh, really? I ain't giving you shit you old bitch! 312 00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:03,536 Oh my god. You can't barrow salad dressing 313 00:14:03,616 --> 00:14:07,012 or condiments or anything else... 314 00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,328 I forgot something. 315 00:14:10,541 --> 00:14:12,551 Oh, what? 316 00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:14,648 I forgot to tell you... 317 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,475 I still love you. 318 00:14:26,673 --> 00:14:27,973 - Hi. - Hi. 319 00:14:28,053 --> 00:14:31,037 - Are you Charlie Kelly? - Yeah, i am. 320 00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:33,193 - Sorry, i'm late - You're Jackie? 321 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,672 Yes, i am. Are you alright? 322 00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:41,341 Yeah, this? I was running. 323 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,999 Okay, because you're bleeding. 324 00:14:44,204 --> 00:14:46,577 Oh shit. Is it bleeding again? I'm sorry. 325 00:14:46,790 --> 00:14:48,655 These are hornet's stings, you know? 326 00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:51,426 I run into a lot of hornets in my line of work, 327 00:14:51,506 --> 00:14:54,569 i got stung up bad all over my face.... 328 00:14:54,609 --> 00:14:56,720 You know, then it starts bleeding. 329 00:14:57,721 --> 00:14:59,816 - Sounds interesting. - Yeah. 330 00:14:59,896 --> 00:15:02,997 - What is it that you do again? - I'm like a janit... 331 00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:07,546 I'm a... full-on rapist. You know? 332 00:15:08,746 --> 00:15:12,816 Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing. 333 00:15:14,765 --> 00:15:18,936 I'm sorry, Did you say you're a full-on rapist? 334 00:15:19,278 --> 00:15:20,938 No... 335 00:15:21,326 --> 00:15:24,554 No, no, no. I help people, you know what i mean? 336 00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:28,287 I'm a, ph-a philan- a... ph-a philan... 337 00:15:28,481 --> 00:15:31,116 - A philanthropist? - Yeah! That's exactly what it is. 338 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:34,928 It gets blocked up in my mouth, I don't say it no goods. 339 00:15:37,648 --> 00:15:40,531 I'm a janitor at a bar. 340 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,447 God, dude i'm sucking ass. 341 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,150 Yeah, dude. You said you were full-on rapist. 342 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:50,236 I went crazy in the brain for second, and my eyes rolled like... 343 00:15:50,422 --> 00:15:52,415 - I couldn't think straight. - Your shirt is ruined. 344 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:53,873 I know. Give me your shirt. 345 00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:55,525 What? It's a totally different shirt. 346 00:15:55,565 --> 00:15:58,185 - Yeah, can i get it? - How the hell are you gonna explain that? 347 00:15:58,265 --> 00:16:00,527 I'll say i met a nice guy in the bathroom and we trade the shirts. 348 00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:02,164 Are you listening to yourself? Jesus Christ! 349 00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:04,505 - I'm freakin' out. - Okay, new plan. 350 00:16:04,585 --> 00:16:06,665 Charlie, make a move. Just tell her you wanna bang her. 351 00:16:06,705 --> 00:16:08,005 No. 352 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:10,301 - Is that how he get chance? - He's gotta fifty-fifty shot. 353 00:16:10,381 --> 00:16:11,997 - That's a good point. - It's a yes or no scenario. 354 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,728 - It's a "no" scenario. - Why? 355 00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:15,569 Don't approach her that way. That's not gonna work. 356 00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:17,627 - Am i getting the shirt? - You're not gonna get the shirt. 357 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:20,011 This is what you're gonna do: go back out there, start to asking 358 00:16:20,051 --> 00:16:21,825 questions about herself, talk to you're about being a lawyer. 359 00:16:21,846 --> 00:16:23,146 - Okay? - I can do that. 360 00:16:23,147 --> 00:16:24,447 Right? That's gonna work. 361 00:16:24,478 --> 00:16:27,470 And if anything goes wrong i'll come out there, i'll say i'm the manager. 362 00:16:27,506 --> 00:16:28,806 - Do you understand? - Okay, fine. 363 00:16:28,807 --> 00:16:30,629 - I got it. - You got it? 364 00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:32,446 - Alright. Great. 365 00:16:37,335 --> 00:16:39,198 - Just go - Just go. Get out of here. 366 00:16:43,187 --> 00:16:45,989 Hey, I'm sorry about that. It took a little while. 367 00:16:46,069 --> 00:16:48,161 There was a guy in the bathroom, he wouldn't give me his shirt... 368 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,235 and i was fightin' him. I was like, 'Gimme your shirt bro'. 369 00:16:50,315 --> 00:16:52,831 And he didn't want to give it to me and it was like a whole thing... 370 00:16:54,089 --> 00:16:56,400 Hi, i'm the manager. 371 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,738 Mr. Kelly is one of our preferred customers. 372 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,225 - It's so wonderful to see you here. - Right, my good man. 373 00:17:01,305 --> 00:17:04,268 Now i'm gonna want the milksteak boiled over hard... 374 00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:07,962 ...and a side of your finest jellybeans, raw. 375 00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:11,222 Mr. Kelly you have the most wonderful sense of humor. 376 00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:13,927 Hi, i own this joint, i know this guy here, he's loaded. 377 00:17:14,007 --> 00:17:17,392 Mr. Kelly, we have your milk boiling just the way you like it back there for you. 378 00:17:17,472 --> 00:17:20,346 - You're gonna like this. - How's about i clear out... 379 00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:22,291 the coat room and you guys hit it in there 380 00:17:22,331 --> 00:17:25,017 - while the steak is gettin' ready? - What? 381 00:17:25,097 --> 00:17:26,907 - What in the hell are you doing? - I got this, he's gonna be great. 382 00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:29,175 - Charlie, make a move. - No don't... 383 00:17:29,255 --> 00:17:31,171 - Oh my god! - No! 384 00:17:31,188 --> 00:17:32,488 I'm leaving! 385 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,203 You're grabbing her breast? What are you doing? 386 00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:35,778 I don't know! What does "make a move" mean? 387 00:17:35,818 --> 00:17:38,367 It doesn't mean stab at her breast with your fingers. 388 00:17:38,447 --> 00:17:41,166 Come on, bro. You're ordering milksteak and jellybeans?! 389 00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:43,719 - You guys blew it. - No you didn't stick the game plan. 390 00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:45,596 It was going great, i had it man. 391 00:17:45,636 --> 00:17:47,718 - You did not have. - You don't know shit about chicks man! 392 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,020 - I don't know shit about chicks? - Yeah! 393 00:17:49,037 --> 00:17:53,168 Guess what, bro? The waitress is getting married, so suck on that! 394 00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:57,714 I see. 395 00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:02,230 Well, i suppose i'll be taking that milksteak to go then. 396 00:18:08,406 --> 00:18:12,816 Yeah, i saw the Wendy's manager, his all : "You clean that up", and i said : 397 00:18:12,856 --> 00:18:15,040 "It's your hamburger, you clean that up". 398 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:19,379 And then Artemis got all bombed-out because of something i did with the onions to myself. 399 00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:23,180 - And now she won't talk to me. - Frank, i don't give a shit about any of this. 400 00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:26,330 - Where is the baseball bat? - Baseball bat in the corner. 401 00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:29,045 We're trying to arm ourselves, 'cause Charlie's gonna be here any minute 402 00:18:29,085 --> 00:18:31,096 and he might to take us out, so... 403 00:18:31,519 --> 00:18:35,199 Don't worry about Charlie. Charlie's over this. 404 00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:40,044 In fact that i saw him on this morning. He said he was bringing a guy a congratulatory gift. 405 00:18:40,712 --> 00:18:42,556 - Really? - Yeah. 406 00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:43,975 Great. 407 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,806 Hi, what's this? 408 00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:54,869 This is for your engagement, man. 409 00:18:54,939 --> 00:18:59,237 You're a lucky dude and congratulations to you... 410 00:18:59,317 --> 00:19:00,921 No, no. That's not happening anymore. 411 00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,979 - We're not engaged. - You're not getting married? 412 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,428 No. 413 00:19:05,632 --> 00:19:08,879 You are Charlie Kelly, right? 414 00:19:09,478 --> 00:19:11,342 Yeah, i remember you from high school. 415 00:19:11,422 --> 00:19:13,697 Hang on a second dude, you're not getting married? 416 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,367 Well... 417 00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:19,752 Remember how everybody used to make fun of us in high school? 418 00:19:19,965 --> 00:19:22,272 I remember how they made fun of you. 419 00:19:23,012 --> 00:19:26,895 Anyway, i have been getting my revenge. 420 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,892 I've been getting engaged all these chicks who broke up with me at high school, 421 00:19:29,932 --> 00:19:33,428 because of my acne, and then i dump them right before the wedding. 422 00:19:33,752 --> 00:19:35,148 Damn! 423 00:19:35,228 --> 00:19:38,733 I just got done that to coffee shop waitress, and now i'm gonna do it to this chick Dee Reynolds. 424 00:19:38,813 --> 00:19:41,356 - Remember her, she was the worst. - Yeah. 425 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:46,290 Isn't that coffee shop waitress... She must have been hurt kinda bad though, right? 426 00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:49,349 Yeah. Yeah. She was devistated. 427 00:19:50,549 --> 00:19:52,565 I'll tell you what man? 428 00:19:52,768 --> 00:19:55,337 Why you go ahead and have this present anyway. 429 00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:59,586 - Really? - Yeah, i mean, i feel like you deserve it. 430 00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:02,033 Thanks dude. 431 00:20:05,308 --> 00:20:06,850 Keep it real man. 432 00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:10,294 - Okay. Okay! - Alright. 433 00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:17,675 Transcripted Joe_Le_Taxi 434 00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:24,833 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org