1
00:00:02,308 --> 00:00:03,267
So how many restraining
2
00:00:03,267 --> 00:00:04,422
orders does the waitress
have on you?
3
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,207
Oh, a lot, dude.
4
00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:06,218
I mean, she's been irritated
5
00:00:06,218 --> 00:00:09,286
with me, and she's, like, "You got me
fired from the Oldies Rock Cafe.
6
00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:10,080
You're gonna get me fired from
7
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:10,896
the coffee shop."
8
00:00:11,227 --> 00:00:12,085
This is incredible.
9
00:00:12,085 --> 00:00:13,602
You got to listen
to this message.
10
00:00:13,602 --> 00:00:14,052
Come here.
11
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,691
Seriously, this chick is so in
is so in love with me
12
00:00:15,691 --> 00:00:17,088
it's crazy.
13
00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:17,989
Hi, Dennis, it's Caleigh.
14
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:19,558
I was just calling to let you
15
00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:21,026
know that I hope you die!
16
00:00:21,093 --> 00:00:22,327
You are obviously a terrible
17
00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:23,929
person with no regard for anyone
18
00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:24,529
but yourself.
19
00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:26,231
I never ever want to see you
20
00:00:26,299 --> 00:00:28,033
again, you steaming pile
of horseshit!
21
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:28,700
Go to hell!
22
00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:31,413
Bro, that's amazing.
23
00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:32,712
That's, that's the best one yet.
24
00:00:32,712 --> 00:00:33,764
It's a really good one,
25
00:00:33,764 --> 00:00:34,069
isn't it?
26
00:00:34,069 --> 00:00:34,577
What are you
27
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,082
talking about?
28
00:00:35,082 --> 00:00:35,720
She hates your guts.
29
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,270
Dee, this chick is so in love
30
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:38,650
with me, she doesn't
even know it.
31
00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:39,546
They don't get it because
32
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:40,612
you haven't explained it
to them, bro.
33
00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,514
Oh, guys, I have a system,
34
00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:44,015
a foolproof system for getting
35
00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:47,189
any chick's undying love and
devotion for life.
36
00:00:47,189 --> 00:00:48,920
What the hell are you
talking about, dude?
37
00:00:48,988 --> 00:00:49,988
I'm talking about
38
00:00:50,056 --> 00:00:52,057
the DENNIS System.
39
00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:00,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
40
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:25,582
Ladies and gentlemen,
41
00:01:25,649 --> 00:01:26,737
the DENNIS System is a
42
00:01:26,737 --> 00:01:28,651
comprehensive approach to
43
00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:29,919
seduction that I have perfected
44
00:01:29,987 --> 00:01:31,254
over the years.
45
00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:32,822
See, my success with women does
46
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:34,190
not solely stem from my good
47
00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:35,592
looks and my charm.
48
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:37,296
There is a careful systemic
49
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,141
approach that has allowed me
50
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,363
to become the playboy that
51
00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:41,004
I am today.
52
00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:42,362
A playboy?
53
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,601
Is that how you see yourself?
54
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:44,238
Yes.
55
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,104
He has banged a lot
56
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:45,548
of chicks.
57
00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:46,405
You know, just shut up, Dee.
58
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:46,799
Just shut up.
59
00:01:46,799 --> 00:01:48,113
Now, the first step to any
60
00:01:48,113 --> 00:01:50,012
erotic conquest is to D:
61
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:52,074
"Demonstrate Your Value."
62
00:01:52,984 --> 00:01:54,157
In this most recent case,
63
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,454
my subject was Caleigh,
64
00:01:55,454 --> 00:01:56,977
a cute pharmacist.
65
00:01:56,977 --> 00:01:59,026
I demonstrated my value to her
66
00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:00,147
by filling a prescription.
67
00:02:00,147 --> 00:02:01,764
I told her, "It's for my
68
00:02:01,764 --> 00:02:03,383
grandmother; she's quite ill,"
69
00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,132
thus demonstrating my value as
70
00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:07,089
a loving grandson and all-around
71
00:02:07,089 --> 00:02:08,083
great guy.
72
00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:09,626
You're forging
73
00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:10,449
prescriptions now?
74
00:02:10,449 --> 00:02:11,843
That's the easy part, Dee.
75
00:02:11,843 --> 00:02:12,683
I would have gone in
76
00:02:12,683 --> 00:02:14,411
and bought a box of Magnum
77
00:02:14,411 --> 00:02:17,254
condoms, thus demonstrating that
78
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:18,768
I have a monster dong.
79
00:02:18,836 --> 00:02:19,696
Right. That comes off a
80
00:02:19,696 --> 00:02:20,728
little bit desperate, Frank.
81
00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:23,090
Now if you want to have a Magnum
82
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,101
condom peeking out of your
83
00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,068
wallet when you go to pay,
84
00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,115
that's a different story.
85
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:28,990
Now let's move on.
86
00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:29,856
Once you've demonstrated your
87
00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:31,272
value, you are going to want to
88
00:02:31,272 --> 00:02:33,100
ask her out.
89
00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:34,802
Once you've asked her out...
90
00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,077
you move on to E:
91
00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,823
"Engage Physically."
92
00:02:39,823 --> 00:02:40,884
I personally try to engage the
93
00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:42,033
girl physically without ever
94
00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,669
going on the date, which to me
95
00:02:43,669 --> 00:02:44,713
is really just a waste of time
96
00:02:44,713 --> 00:02:45,164
and money.
97
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,459
I'll tell her I know this great
98
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:47,401
little restaurant that doesn't
99
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:47,989
take reservations.
100
00:02:47,989 --> 00:02:49,733
That makes it sound cool, makes
101
00:02:49,733 --> 00:02:50,569
it sound exclusive.
102
00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:51,453
And then we get to the
103
00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:52,340
restaurant; the restaurant
104
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,547
is closed, as of course,
105
00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:55,547
it always is on Sundays.
106
00:02:55,547 --> 00:02:57,313
So I'll feign surprise and say
107
00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:58,530
something along the lines of,
108
00:02:58,530 --> 00:02:59,469
"Well, I guess we could grab
109
00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:00,738
a pizza and watch a movie at
110
00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:01,646
my place."
111
00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:04,057
That's where I come in.
112
00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:05,485
Oh, you're a part of this?
113
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,386
Oh, yeah, Mac has a very
114
00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,680
special place in my system.
115
00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:10,267
Yeah, you see, I'm on the
116
00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,378
couch when they come in and
117
00:03:11,378 --> 00:03:11,864
ask to be alone.
118
00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:13,149
And I say, "I can't go into my
119
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,228
room because I found a black
120
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,145
widow spider in there."
121
00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,303
And then Dennis fires back that
122
00:03:16,303 --> 00:03:17,731
he wants some privacy so they
123
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,640
can get to know each other
124
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,327
more better.
125
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:20,631
And then I say... Oh, well,
126
00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:22,132
I guess we could always eat the
127
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,634
pizza on my bed and watch the
128
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:26,403
DVD in my room.
129
00:03:26,471 --> 00:03:28,672
And once we're on my bed,
130
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,040
it is game over.
131
00:03:30,108 --> 00:03:31,708
I engage her physically,
132
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,977
and the sexual waltz begins.
133
00:03:34,045 --> 00:03:35,078
The pizza's good.
134
00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:37,781
You're the one that's good.
135
00:03:43,154 --> 00:03:45,722
Smooth! Very, very smooth
136
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,224
stuff, very classy.
137
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,659
I'm learning a lot from you
138
00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:49,359
right now, dude.
139
00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:51,295
Okay. Now, once you've had
140
00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:52,563
sex with the woman, she will
141
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,897
naturally start to depend on
142
00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:54,865
you, okay?
143
00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:57,267
All women do this.
144
00:03:57,335 --> 00:03:58,435
They certainly do.
145
00:03:58,503 --> 00:03:59,503
You got that right.
146
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:00,971
Sex with women.
147
00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:02,272
Once you bang 'em...
148
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,307
Like that.
149
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:05,175
Right, right.
150
00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:08,078
Which brings me to the first N:
151
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:10,280
"Nurturing dependence."
152
00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:11,515
You're gonna want to nurture
153
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,716
that dependence that she's
154
00:04:12,784 --> 00:04:15,018
feeling on you now, guys.
155
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:16,086
Have her car towed.
156
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,654
Or you can slash her tires.
157
00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:19,423
Either way, make her depend on
158
00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:20,491
you for rides.
159
00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:22,392
Or you can use my personal
160
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,961
go-to, which is to create a
161
00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:25,662
fictional angry neighbor who's
162
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:26,997
threatening her and tell her
163
00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:28,232
you'll take care of him.
164
00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:30,100
Hit up a pay phone so that she
165
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:31,235
can't trace the calls back
166
00:04:31,302 --> 00:04:31,702
to you.
167
00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:33,103
Give her a call and say
168
00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:34,571
something along the lines of...
169
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,306
I'm watching you, you bitch!
170
00:04:36,374 --> 00:04:39,343
You're gonna die tonight!
171
00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:44,848
Oh, for Christ's sake,
172
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:46,216
you're a complete sociopath!
173
00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:47,284
Don't interrupt, okay?
174
00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,552
Now, if you completed all the
175
00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:49,987
other steps properly up to this
176
00:04:50,054 --> 00:04:50,921
point, she'll naturally want
177
00:04:50,989 --> 00:04:52,055
to take the relationship to
178
00:04:52,123 --> 00:04:53,590
the next level, but you're not
179
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:54,224
gonna do that.
180
00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:55,259
You're gonna do the exact
181
00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:56,760
opposite: pull back, guys.
182
00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:57,694
Pull back.
183
00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,197
Which brings me to the second N:
184
00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:02,166
"Neglect Emotionally."
185
00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:03,567
Stop taking her phone calls.
186
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,636
Cancel all your plans.
187
00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:07,204
Maybe that fictional angry
188
00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:08,639
neighbor that you've simulated
189
00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:09,940
comes back, and this time you're
190
00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:12,342
not around to cool him off.
191
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,045
Hello?
192
00:05:15,113 --> 00:05:17,281
Welcome to hell!
193
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:26,723
This will frighten the shit
194
00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,158
out of her, okay, and she'll
195
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:29,393
start getting really mixed up
196
00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:30,661
because you're not there to
197
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:31,195
protect her.
198
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,296
She'll start questioning her
199
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:33,897
self-worth, start questioning
200
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:34,665
her self-esteem.
201
00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,667
And that's the perfect time to
202
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,604
I: "Inspire Hope."
203
00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,806
In Caleigh's case, I went to her
204
00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:44,041
window and I screamed...
205
00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:47,177
Caleigh, listen, listen, wait.
206
00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:48,679
I want to tell you that the
207
00:05:48,746 --> 00:05:50,314
reason I was distant is because
208
00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:51,915
I was afraid you that were gonna
209
00:05:51,983 --> 00:05:52,816
break my heart,
210
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:55,118
and I got scared.
211
00:05:55,186 --> 00:05:58,388
But I'm not scared anymore,
212
00:05:58,456 --> 00:05:59,223
baby.
213
00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:02,226
I love you.
214
00:06:02,293 --> 00:06:03,293
I need you.
215
00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:06,430
And then naturally, we bang.
216
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:24,821
And this is the best bang of
217
00:06:24,821 --> 00:06:26,697
all because it's very emotional
218
00:06:26,697 --> 00:06:27,373
for her.
219
00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:28,936
You see, she thinks she's broken
220
00:06:28,936 --> 00:06:30,108
through my tough exterior and
221
00:06:30,108 --> 00:06:31,955
coerced affection from a man
222
00:06:31,955 --> 00:06:33,621
who is afraid to love.
223
00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:36,701
And then I slink out into
224
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,440
the night, never to talk
225
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,114
to her again.
226
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,505
Separate Entirely.
227
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,733
Yes, Mac, that's right.
228
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,734
S: "Separate Entirely."
229
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:57,622
D-E-N-N-I-S.
230
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,216
The DENNIS System.
231
00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:01,994
That, my friends, is the key
232
00:07:01,994 --> 00:07:03,838
to winning any girl's heart.
233
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:06,266
Good stuff.
234
00:07:06,711 --> 00:07:07,435
Better than I remember it.
235
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,121
Are you kidding me?
236
00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:10,272
You are not winning their
237
00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:11,704
hearts; you're torturing them,
238
00:07:11,704 --> 00:07:12,722
and they end up hating you.
239
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:13,817
Actually, Dee, they end up
240
00:07:13,817 --> 00:07:14,964
loving me more than they ever
241
00:07:14,964 --> 00:07:15,642
thought was possible.
242
00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:17,115
And you set it up so you can
243
00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:18,763
get these chicks back at
any time, huh?
244
00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:20,001
That's exactly right, Charlie.
245
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,133
You're really picking up on this
246
00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:22,038
I'm proud of you, bud.
247
00:07:22,038 --> 00:07:23,237
Okay, there is no way that
248
00:07:23,237 --> 00:07:24,416
girl is gonna come back to you
249
00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:25,588
after what you just
put her through
250
00:07:25,588 --> 00:07:26,689
Oh, I could absolutely get
251
00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:28,273
that girl back anytime I want.
252
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,272
I just choose not to.
253
00:07:29,272 --> 00:07:30,829
I 100% guarantee you this
254
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:31,921
girl's finished with you.
255
00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:32,977
Well, I take that as a
256
00:07:32,977 --> 00:07:33,990
challenge, Dee, and I accept
257
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:34,672
that challenge.
258
00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:35,360
I'll have her back by the end of
259
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:35,915
the day.
260
00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,333
Yeah, Dee, you just don't get
261
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:37,704
it, okay?
262
00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:38,776
This is what men do!
263
00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:39,552
Yeah.
264
00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,835
This is what men do!
265
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,056
This is men stuff!
266
00:07:42,056 --> 00:07:42,452
Yeah!
267
00:07:42,452 --> 00:07:43,570
Men stuff!
268
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:55,772
You're probably getting
269
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,840
DENNIS'd right now by that new
270
00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:57,941
boyfriend of yours and you don't
271
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:58,642
even know it.
272
00:07:58,710 --> 00:07:59,576
What boyfriend?
273
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:00,844
She don't have a boyfriend!
274
00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:01,978
Yes, I do.
275
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,346
Ben-- you know, the online
276
00:08:03,414 --> 00:08:04,481
soldier that I met.
277
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,816
We're back together now, so...
278
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:06,283
What?
279
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,451
That dude wouldn't date you
280
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:08,785
after what you put him through.
281
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,087
Maybe he'd DENNIS you, but he
282
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:10,754
wouldn't date you.
283
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:11,588
He's not DENNISing me.
284
00:08:11,656 --> 00:08:12,823
He's in the car right now.
285
00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:13,598
I told him to wait for me.
286
00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:22,065
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
287
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,767
So, wait, your guy has been
288
00:08:23,835 --> 00:08:24,768
waiting out here the whole time
289
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:25,435
in the hot sun?
290
00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:26,503
Yeah, I just told him to wait
291
00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:27,003
for me.
292
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,171
He kind of just does whatever I
293
00:08:28,239 --> 00:08:28,672
say.
294
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,306
It's pretty great.
295
00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:30,138
Why'd you tell him to do it
296
00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:30,712
with the windows up?
297
00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:31,724
I know, the engine's not even on
298
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:32,316
That's just cruel.
299
00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:33,140
I didn't. I didn't.
300
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:34,390
I just didn't tell him to do it
301
00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:35,240
with the windows down.
302
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,826
He's not, you know, the
303
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:37,341
smartest, but...
304
00:08:37,341 --> 00:08:38,184
Dee, it's, like, 100 degrees
305
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:38,572
outside.
306
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:39,441
I'm assuming that he has
307
00:08:39,441 --> 00:08:40,947
engaged you physically?
308
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:43,086
Well, I mean, of course we've
309
00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:43,954
engaged physically.
310
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:44,755
Look at that body.
311
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:45,889
It is stupid.
312
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,791
Of course we've engaged over and
313
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:48,358
over physically.
314
00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:49,259
But that doesn't mean that he's
315
00:08:49,327 --> 00:08:51,452
pulling some sort of a system.
316
00:08:51,629 --> 00:08:53,497
Hey, guys.
317
00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:54,498
Hey, Dee.
318
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,032
I didn't see you there.
319
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,100
Are you almost done?
320
00:08:57,168 --> 00:08:57,701
Yeah, yeah.
321
00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,935
I just, I got caught up in a
322
00:08:59,003 --> 00:08:59,369
story.
323
00:08:59,437 --> 00:09:00,370
But I'll be done pretty soon.
324
00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:01,538
Oh, oh, okay.
325
00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:02,739
Well, do you want me to come in?
326
00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:03,807
No! No, I don't, no.
327
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:04,975
You just, you just stay where
328
00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:05,542
you are and...
329
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,476
You know what, I'll text you
330
00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:07,410
when I'm wrapping up, and then
331
00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:08,645
you can crank the A.C., cool the
332
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:09,279
car off for me.
333
00:09:09,347 --> 00:09:09,780
Sure thing.
334
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:10,380
Okay.
335
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:11,414
See you, fellas.
336
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,582
Okay.
337
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:13,483
We'll see you, man.
338
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,618
Dee, you're getting played.
339
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:15,352
You're getting played
340
00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,153
big-time.
341
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:16,753
He's not doing...
342
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:17,354
Big-time!
343
00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:17,854
...anything.
344
00:09:17,922 --> 00:09:18,835
He's just-- I told him to sit...
345
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,682
And there you go.
346
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:27,483
Good to see you.
347
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:28,083
See you soon.
348
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,318
Bye.
349
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:30,553
Hey, Caleigh.
350
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,720
What do you want?
351
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,622
Listen, before you say
352
00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,558
anything, I just want to say
353
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:36,892
that I'm really sorry for
354
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,760
everything that went down
355
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,761
between us.
356
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,229
It's all my fault.
357
00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,531
Nana took a turn for the worst,
358
00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:46,001
and it's got me in a really bad
359
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:47,970
place.
360
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,806
I just... I don't know what
361
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:54,443
I would do if she died.
362
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,511
I don't think your
363
00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:58,414
grandmother exists, Dennis.
364
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,719
I beg your pardon.
365
00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,120
Uh, yeah, I looked into it;
366
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,723
there's no, um, uh, Dr. Toboggan
367
00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,158
in Philadelphia either.
368
00:10:09,225 --> 00:10:10,693
Oh, no, yeah.
369
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,393
He doesn't...
370
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:12,761
He's not based in Philly.
371
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:13,495
Oh, no?
372
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,097
No, it says "Philadelphia" right
373
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:15,598
there.
374
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,599
Oh.
375
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,300
Yeah, no, that... I'm gonna call
376
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,935
him because if he's still
377
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,470
giving people prescriptions on
378
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,038
that pad, those people could get
379
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:25,374
in a lot of trouble.
380
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:33,682
Oh!
381
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:34,216
Whoa.
382
00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,184
W-What the hell are you doing
383
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:35,684
here?
384
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:36,518
I'm swooping in on your
385
00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:37,019
chick.
386
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:37,820
What? No, dude.
387
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:38,587
I'm trying to re-DENNIS this
388
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:39,655
chick, so I can shove it in
389
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,322
Dee's face.
390
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,423
What, uh, what is this swooping
391
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:42,091
in business?
392
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:43,092
Oh, that's my system--
393
00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:43,859
the MAC.
394
00:10:43,927 --> 00:10:45,661
"Move in After Completion."
395
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,029
I wait till you're done with
396
00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:48,163
them, and then I swoop in, give
397
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,231
them a shoulder to cry on, and
398
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,232
then we hump.
399
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,667
Oh, you've been humping these
400
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:52,701
girls after I'm done with them?
401
00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:53,369
Oh, yeah, dude.
402
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,137
I come in as the sensitive
403
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:56,105
intellectual type.
404
00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:57,206
Why do you think I'm always
405
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,240
reading books and shit when we
406
00:10:58,308 --> 00:10:59,174
do the spider routine?
407
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,175
I thought you were just my
408
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:00,843
wingman though.
409
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,411
No, no, I'm swimming in your
410
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:03,112
wake.
411
00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:04,046
Hey, what are you two
412
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:05,180
dickheads doing here?
413
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,181
What are you doing here?
414
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:06,882
What do you mean?
415
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:07,883
I'm here for the scraps.
416
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:08,884
Frank, I haven't had a chance
417
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:09,818
to get in there yet, okay?
418
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:10,319
So just...
419
00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:11,487
What's taking you so long?
420
00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:12,755
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
421
00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:13,889
What, you have a system where
422
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:14,923
you come in after Mac?
423
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:15,591
That's right.
424
00:11:15,659 --> 00:11:16,792
I come in after Mac.
425
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:17,960
But he's taking, like, forever
426
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:18,494
this time.
427
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:19,728
I got my Magnum condoms.
428
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,430
I got my wad of hundreds.
429
00:11:21,498 --> 00:11:23,365
I'm ready to plow.
430
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,700
You should see him feast.
431
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,901
He's like a mantis.
432
00:11:25,969 --> 00:11:26,702
It's amazing.
433
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,537
Oh, that's good.
434
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,205
Call me that from now on.
435
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,106
Mantis.
436
00:11:31,174 --> 00:11:32,107
No, nobody's calling you
437
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:32,708
Man...
438
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,176
Look, you guys got to back off,
439
00:11:34,244 --> 00:11:34,677
okay?
440
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:35,511
I'm trying to re-DENNIS this
441
00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:35,978
chick.
442
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:36,712
No, you back off.
443
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,013
Wait-wait a second, Frank.
444
00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:38,881
He's right.
445
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:39,748
It's a delicate ecosystem.
446
00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:40,416
We got to...
447
00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:41,583
we got to stick with it.
448
00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:42,651
Just let him do his thing, and
449
00:11:42,719 --> 00:11:43,752
then we'll come in for seconds
450
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:44,653
and scraps.
451
00:11:44,721 --> 00:11:45,387
Get out...
452
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,088
Just play it cool.
453
00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:47,256
...before she sees you.
454
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:48,157
Hurry up though, because...
455
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,591
Magnum condoms and a wad of
456
00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:50,526
hundreds.
457
00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,361
Idiot.
458
00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:53,729
This is so exciting.
459
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,397
You're gonna love this.
460
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,666
Okay, just stop right there.
461
00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,968
Okay, and off with the...
462
00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,537
Okay, here we are!
463
00:12:01,604 --> 00:12:03,005
I set up a picnic for us!
464
00:12:05,075 --> 00:12:06,275
What the hell are you doing?
465
00:12:06,342 --> 00:12:08,243
What...? I-I set up a picnic.
466
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,712
Do you, do you not like picnics?
467
00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:11,180
Okay, all right, I know
468
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,381
what's going on.
469
00:12:12,449 --> 00:12:13,782
I-I'm onto you, guy.
470
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,284
You bring me out here to some
471
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:16,318
landfill in the middle of
472
00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:17,052
nowhere.
473
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,487
You blindfold me so I have no
474
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:19,455
idea where I am.
475
00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:20,689
I'm gonna depend on you to get
476
00:12:20,757 --> 00:12:21,356
home...
477
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,524
Dee, do you want to go?
478
00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:23,325
Yeah, oh, yeah!
479
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:24,827
I want to go, but not with you.
480
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,961
I'll go all by myself.
481
00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:26,862
I'll take the bus.
482
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:27,930
And I'll also take this.
483
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:28,430
Thank you.
484
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:28,964
Well, here.
485
00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:29,765
Do you want a glass?
486
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,299
No, stop it!
487
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:31,200
What... do you need bus fare?
488
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:31,967
I don't need bus fare.
489
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:32,868
I'm not sure the bus comes
490
00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:33,368
out here anyway.
491
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,436
Okay, I'll walk then, okay?
492
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,504
What...? In your heels?
493
00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:36,138
They're very nice.
494
00:12:36,206 --> 00:12:37,306
Here, take my boots!
495
00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:38,040
Stop it!
496
00:12:38,108 --> 00:12:39,141
Stop trying to make me depend on
497
00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:39,742
you, okay?
498
00:12:39,809 --> 00:12:40,976
I'm fine all by myself, buddy.
499
00:12:41,044 --> 00:12:42,344
I'm doing just fine by myself.
500
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:49,818
Oh, my God!
501
00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:52,287
Are you okay?!
502
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,489
I'm fine!
503
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:54,490
Well, just, look, just stay
504
00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:54,990
there.
505
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:55,991
I'm gonna come down to help.
506
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:56,825
Leave me alone!
507
00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:57,793
I won't give you the
508
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,094
satisfaction!
509
00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:00,596
I'm fine!
510
00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:01,864
I'm independent.
511
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:02,865
What...?
512
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:03,732
I-I don't need you!
513
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,500
Wait...
514
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,635
I don't need anybody!
515
00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:09,104
Where you going?!
516
00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:09,827
Shut up!
517
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,182
Oh, what the hell?!
518
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:21,817
Oh, what the hell, Charlie?!
519
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:22,951
Hey!
520
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,019
Look who's home.
521
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:25,187
Uh, well, hang on a second.
522
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:25,954
What you doing there?
523
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:26,755
Oh, I'm calling the police.
524
00:13:26,823 --> 00:13:27,456
Uh, no!
525
00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:28,657
Uh, you don't have to call the
526
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,191
police.
527
00:13:29,259 --> 00:13:29,792
Check it out.
528
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,193
I'm here just to fix your
529
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:31,927
garbage disposal.
530
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,128
Is that a bag of hair in your
531
00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:33,796
hand, Charlie?
532
00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:34,296
Ah...
533
00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:35,197
Have you been breaking into
534
00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:36,465
my apartment and shoving hair in
535
00:13:36,533 --> 00:13:37,065
my sink?
536
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,467
Okay, okay.
537
00:13:38,535 --> 00:13:39,368
Let's start over.
538
00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:40,202
We're getting way off topic
539
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:40,836
here.
540
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,271
I would like you to focus on the
541
00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,139
amount of value that I'm
542
00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,108
demonstrating to you by fixing
543
00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:47,476
your garbage disposal.
544
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:48,644
Will you just get the hell
545
00:13:48,711 --> 00:13:49,411
out of my apartment?
546
00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:50,078
Are you sure?
547
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:50,879
'Cause your garbage disposal...
548
00:13:50,947 --> 00:13:51,413
Pretty sure.
549
00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:52,381
It's way worse than when I
550
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:52,881
got here.
551
00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:53,782
I think you should get out.
552
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:54,449
All right.
553
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,250
I like this blouse you're
554
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:55,884
wearing; that's nice.
555
00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:56,385
Is that new?
556
00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:56,885
What is that?
557
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:57,553
It's modern, right?
558
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,587
This is my uniform that I
559
00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,855
have to wear for my other job,
560
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:00,689
and it's ugly.
561
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,757
Well, now, it's not ugly.
562
00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:02,758
It's just...
563
00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:03,792
You know, it's unique.
564
00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:05,194
So, what's this new job?
565
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,029
I work at the fair.
566
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,163
Working at the fair!
567
00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:09,898
Well, look at us, you know?
568
00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:10,532
I'm a plumber.
569
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,567
You're a fair worker.
570
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:13,802
They go well together, right?
571
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,604
Get out of my apartment.
572
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,606
Oh, all right.
573
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,209
I don't know.
574
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,177
I did everything right and I
575
00:14:22,245 --> 00:14:23,045
can't get past the letter "D,"
576
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:23,579
dude.
577
00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:24,079
Okay.
578
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,314
Well, what did you do, exactly?
579
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:27,149
I broke into her place.
580
00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:28,217
I ripped her sink apart.
581
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,418
I brought a bag of hair.
582
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:30,052
You know what I mean?
583
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:30,853
And I come across looking like
584
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,687
a total jerk.
585
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:32,621
Yeah, of course, because
586
00:14:32,689 --> 00:14:33,522
nothing that you just described
587
00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:33,989
sounds correct.
588
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,023
These are totally the type of
589
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:35,657
things...
590
00:14:35,725 --> 00:14:36,391
You were talking about slashing
591
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,659
a girl's tires and doing scary
592
00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:38,493
voices.
593
00:14:38,561 --> 00:14:39,328
Do you know anything about
594
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:39,995
plumbing?
595
00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,496
Uh, no.
596
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:42,431
Maybe it's just over my head,
597
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,131
this system.
598
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:43,832
You know, maybe I should just
599
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:44,633
stick to stalking.
600
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:45,434
No.
601
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:46,168
Maybe that's my system.
602
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,402
She got a job at the fair.
603
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,637
It could be fun to stalk her at
604
00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:50,339
a fair.
605
00:14:50,406 --> 00:14:52,174
Jesus Christ on the cross.
606
00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,242
You look like shit.
607
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:53,876
Yeah.
608
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:54,776
Yeah, that's 'cause I spent the
609
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:55,677
night in the woods, trying to
610
00:14:55,745 --> 00:14:57,145
demonstrate my independence.
611
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:58,380
Okay, clearly, none of you
612
00:14:58,448 --> 00:14:59,514
have any idea how to run my
613
00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:00,449
system.
614
00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:01,049
Goddamn...
615
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:01,783
All right, I'm going to get
616
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:02,484
everybody what they want,
617
00:15:02,552 --> 00:15:03,385
including myself.
618
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,553
Let me just think for a second.
619
00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:06,388
Let me just work something out
620
00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,091
here and, um...
621
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,727
Whoa.
622
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:12,828
What's he doing?
623
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,379
Just shut up and let him work.
624
00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:29,544
We're going to the fair.
625
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:31,480
That will provide the perfect
626
00:15:31,548 --> 00:15:32,882
setting for all of our needs to
627
00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:33,449
be met.
628
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:34,550
Charlie, you'll demonstrate your
629
00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:35,885
value to the waitress by winning
630
00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:36,952
a prize at her booth.
631
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,354
Good, dude, then I give her
632
00:15:38,422 --> 00:15:39,755
the prize and that's good.
633
00:15:39,823 --> 00:15:40,322
Mm-mm.
634
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,124
No, that's dead wrong, actually.
635
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:42,925
You're going to take the prize
636
00:15:42,993 --> 00:15:43,893
and award it to the bustiest
637
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,927
woman you can find.
638
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,095
Okay, your indifference to the
639
00:15:46,163 --> 00:15:47,296
waitress will only make you
640
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,431
more attractive to her.
641
00:15:48,498 --> 00:15:49,131
Oh.
642
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,333
Now, Dee, because of your
643
00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:52,401
ridiculous missteps, you
644
00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:54,470
actually have no value, so your
645
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:55,871
only hope is to lower Ben's
646
00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:56,605
value.
647
00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:57,807
You're going to do this by
648
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,974
flirting with a carny in front
649
00:15:59,042 --> 00:15:59,575
of him.
650
00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:00,676
Oh, gosh, yeah.
651
00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:01,444
I don't know if I want to deal
652
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:02,144
with a carny.
653
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,179
No, no one likes dealing with
654
00:16:03,246 --> 00:16:04,146
carnies and that's why Frank
655
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,948
will pose as one.
656
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,483
Now, Mac, you're the final piece
657
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:08,384
in this puzzle.
658
00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:09,752
I need you to resume your role
659
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,253
as the thoughtful roommate and
660
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,988
invite Caleigh out to the fair.
661
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,925
There, I shall be waiting to win
662
00:16:15,992 --> 00:16:17,293
back her heart.
663
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,427
How you going to do that?
664
00:16:18,495 --> 00:16:19,895
I got to get myself a
665
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,068
grandmother.
666
00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,445
What's happening?
667
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,180
What's happening is we're at
668
00:16:34,248 --> 00:16:35,548
the fair, Gladys, and you're
669
00:16:35,616 --> 00:16:36,616
going to act like my grandma,
670
00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:37,517
okay?
671
00:16:37,584 --> 00:16:39,652
My grandmother had an affair
672
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,821
with Susan B. Anthony.
673
00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:42,722
I don't give a shit.
674
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:43,523
Look, paying you not to talk,
675
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:44,090
all right?
676
00:16:44,158 --> 00:16:45,458
So...
677
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:46,759
Well, hello.
678
00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:48,027
This is a coincidence, huh?
679
00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:49,495
No, it's not.
680
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:50,296
No, it's not, but it's
681
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:51,664
exciting, isn't it?
682
00:16:51,732 --> 00:16:52,598
So, uh, what game do we have
683
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:53,299
here?
684
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,301
What game is this?
685
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:58,404
"Speed Pitch."
686
00:16:58,472 --> 00:16:59,439
That's all you do?
687
00:16:59,506 --> 00:17:00,106
You throw a pitch?
688
00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:01,074
I mean, what prizes are there?
689
00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:02,341
There are no prizes, Charlie.
690
00:17:02,409 --> 00:17:04,177
It's just to see, "How fast can
691
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:05,011
you throw?"
692
00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:06,191
Oh, well, then, I guess I'll
693
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,552
demonstrate my value to you by
694
00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:08,915
firing off a wicked hot
695
00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,019
fastball, huh?
696
00:17:10,972 --> 00:17:11,941
You know this game is for
697
00:17:11,941 --> 00:17:12,469
children, right?
698
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:13,377
I don't care it's for kids.
699
00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:13,817
All right?
700
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:14,752
Let me demonstrate my value to you
701
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,238
Please.
702
00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:17,190
When I was little, all the
703
00:17:17,258 --> 00:17:18,592
kids would beat me up and call
704
00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:19,359
me "bookworm."
705
00:17:19,427 --> 00:17:20,193
Right this way, Nana.
706
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:21,161
Kids are so brutal.
707
00:17:21,228 --> 00:17:21,861
Oh.
708
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:23,597
Hi, Mac.
709
00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:24,297
Caleigh.
710
00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:24,998
I didn't see you there.
711
00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:26,132
What are you doing here?
712
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,100
This is my nana.
713
00:17:27,168 --> 00:17:28,501
She's-She's on the mend, so I
714
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,169
wanted to get her out of the
715
00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:29,836
house.
716
00:17:29,904 --> 00:17:30,804
This is your grandmother?
717
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:32,038
Oh, yeah.
718
00:17:32,106 --> 00:17:32,872
Yeah, this is Nana.
719
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,041
Yeah, isn't she precious?
720
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:37,744
My grandmother was a lesbian.
721
00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:44,551
Well?
722
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,352
How's it look?
723
00:17:45,419 --> 00:17:46,586
It's great.
724
00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:47,587
You look like a lizard.
725
00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:48,855
I like turtles.
726
00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,023
Okay.
727
00:17:50,091 --> 00:17:52,726
Ooh, look, a carny.
728
00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:53,326
Frank.
729
00:17:53,394 --> 00:17:54,127
Hey, Frank.
730
00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:54,661
Ooh.
731
00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:55,261
What are you doing?
732
00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:55,829
Lose the tie.
733
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:56,663
You're way overdressed.
734
00:17:56,731 --> 00:17:58,098
I got a new angle.
735
00:17:58,165 --> 00:17:58,999
What?
736
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:01,368
Leave us alone.
737
00:18:01,435 --> 00:18:01,901
Yeah, but listen.
738
00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:02,535
Just listen to me for one
739
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:03,036
second, okay?
740
00:18:03,104 --> 00:18:04,604
Dennis, I've been looking all
741
00:18:04,672 --> 00:18:05,639
over for you!
742
00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:06,373
Where you been?
743
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,173
Hello.
744
00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:09,042
Dr. Toboggan.
745
00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:09,643
Nice to meet you.
746
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:10,176
Thank you.
747
00:18:10,244 --> 00:18:10,910
Frank, what the hell are you
748
00:18:10,978 --> 00:18:11,411
doing?
749
00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:12,979
Uh, actually, it's Mantis.
750
00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:14,814
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.
751
00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:16,282
I got your test results.
752
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:17,450
You're positive.
753
00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:19,085
You got the HIV.
754
00:18:19,153 --> 00:18:20,487
Yes, AIDS, big-time.
755
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:21,354
Dennis, what are you...?
756
00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:22,789
You got the AIDS, big-time.
757
00:18:22,857 --> 00:18:23,757
What are you doing, dude?
758
00:18:23,824 --> 00:18:24,457
Did you see her face?
759
00:18:24,525 --> 00:18:25,592
Look at her. Look at her.
760
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,693
I'm breaking her down.
761
00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:27,994
I'm making her feel worthless.
762
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:28,928
You see?
763
00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:30,664
She thinks she's got the HIV.
764
00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,165
And I slip in.
765
00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:33,633
Get it?
766
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,601
There's an order here, dude.
767
00:18:34,669 --> 00:18:35,402
Get back in line.
768
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,803
No more thirds for Frankie.
769
00:18:36,871 --> 00:18:38,071
Seconds from now on.
770
00:18:38,873 --> 00:18:39,739
All right!
771
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:40,640
That was all right.
772
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:41,741
15.
773
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:42,642
15.
774
00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:43,743
It's cause I'm getting tired.
775
00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:44,644
All right?
776
00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:45,612
My arm's blown out.
777
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,579
Hey, "Speed Pitch."
778
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:47,280
You want to play?
779
00:18:48,049 --> 00:18:48,815
Okay.
780
00:18:48,883 --> 00:18:50,283
Oh, hey, wait, wait.
781
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:50,917
Hey, guy.
782
00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:51,451
You work here?
783
00:18:51,519 --> 00:18:51,951
Yeah.
784
00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:52,652
Yeah?
785
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,820
Oh, shit, Ben.
786
00:18:53,888 --> 00:18:55,155
Look, a carny.
787
00:18:55,222 --> 00:18:57,157
Hey.
788
00:18:59,060 --> 00:18:59,759
So, I wonder if there's a
789
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,361
kissing booth anywhere close.
790
00:19:01,429 --> 00:19:02,762
64.
791
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,531
Ow! Ow!
792
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,099
Oh, you stabbed me!
793
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,500
He stabbed me with a key!
794
00:19:07,568 --> 00:19:08,001
Someone!
795
00:19:08,069 --> 00:19:08,935
Someone call a doctor!
796
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:09,436
Ow!
797
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:10,203
You idiot!
798
00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:11,171
Why would you stab me?
799
00:19:11,238 --> 00:19:12,372
I was flirting with you.
800
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,873
That guy paid me to.
801
00:19:13,941 --> 00:19:14,674
You weren't supposed to stab
802
00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:15,475
her, man.
803
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:16,643
You were supposed to stab her!
804
00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:17,377
What?!
805
00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:18,778
You want to have me stabbed?
806
00:19:18,846 --> 00:19:19,779
I was going to protect you
807
00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:20,947
from the stabbing.
808
00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,716
Wrong! Wrong!
809
00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:24,050
Wrong!
810
00:19:24,118 --> 00:19:25,051
Wrong!
811
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:26,052
You're supposed to let her get
812
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,253
stabbed, hope that it hits a
813
00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:28,488
main artery, and then, as she's
814
00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:29,956
dying, you nurse her back to
815
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:31,257
health, thereby making her
816
00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:32,392
totally dependent on you.
817
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,093
Oh...
818
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,360
See, this is why nobody
819
00:19:34,428 --> 00:19:35,962
should be going off my system.
820
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:36,930
What do you mean, "off your
821
00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:37,831
system"?
822
00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:39,099
My system of seduction that I
823
00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:40,366
used to win your heart that
824
00:19:40,434 --> 00:19:41,968
these idiots are ruining right
825
00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:42,535
now.
826
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:43,603
Ben's the only one who's using
827
00:19:43,671 --> 00:19:44,404
it properly.
828
00:19:44,472 --> 00:19:45,338
Ben, please explain how the
829
00:19:45,406 --> 00:19:46,139
system works.
830
00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:46,940
I don't know what you're
831
00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:47,574
talking about.
832
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:48,341
Are you telling me you had
833
00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:49,275
your face painted like a goddamn
834
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:50,443
frog person and you have no
835
00:19:50,511 --> 00:19:51,745
ulterior motive here?
836
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:52,412
I'm a lizard.
837
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,346
Ooh, whoops.
838
00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,380
Ooh.
839
00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:57,217
I dropped my monster condom that
840
00:19:57,284 --> 00:20:00,286
I use for my magnum dong.
841
00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,821
I'm out of here.
842
00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:02,322
No.
843
00:20:02,389 --> 00:20:03,022
I'll give you a ride.
844
00:20:03,090 --> 00:20:03,523
Thank you.
845
00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:04,023
What?
846
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:04,557
What are you doing?
847
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:05,158
I'm leaving.
848
00:20:05,226 --> 00:20:06,526
Dee, I don't like you.
849
00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:07,494
Well, how is that possible?
850
00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:08,595
You're a mean person.
851
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:09,662
Ah, well...
852
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:10,797
Oh, you wou...
853
00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:11,498
You go!
854
00:20:11,565 --> 00:20:12,332
You get out of here!
855
00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:13,299
Way to go, jerks.
856
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:13,933
Good job.
857
00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:14,768
Yeah, you know, "way to go,"
858
00:20:14,835 --> 00:20:15,335
to you.
859
00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:16,302
You work in a fair, carny.
860
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:17,070
All right, don't call her a
861
00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:17,570
carny.
862
00:20:17,638 --> 00:20:18,638
I don't need you to take up
863
00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:19,205
for me.
864
00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:19,973
Get out of here.
865
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:20,607
Shut up!
866
00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:21,107
Just go!
867
00:20:21,175 --> 00:20:21,841
Yeah, yeah.
868
00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:22,909
You goddamn idiots ruining
869
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:23,476
my system.
870
00:20:23,544 --> 00:20:24,477
Everybody ruins my system.
871
00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:25,445
Nobody gets it.
872
00:20:25,513 --> 00:20:26,579
System, my ass.
873
00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:28,314
I hate carnivals.
874
00:20:28,382 --> 00:20:32,641
I need a ride.
875
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,360
Sinc by ReHelen- Corrected by chamallow35
876
00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:35,531
www.addic7ed.com
877
00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:42,578
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