1
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:08,080
All I'm saying is, if they
took all the money they spent
2
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:09,640
trying to make
a decent Hulk movie,
3
00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:13,110
they could probably
just make an actual Hulk.
4
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,070
That is apt and amusing.
5
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,240
I think I shall share that
6
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,940
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
7
00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:21,360
She'll appreciate
the witticism.
8
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,740
Thank you.
9
00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:26,140
It'll also help improve her
initial impression of you.
10
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:28,810
So what's going on with you two?
11
00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:31,750
Well, the status is
as it always was.
12
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:33,650
She's a girl. She's a friend.
13
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:34,750
She is not my--
14
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,040
please forgive me
for doing this--
15
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,660
"girlfriend."
16
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:39,510
Right, right.
17
00:00:39,510 --> 00:00:42,510
So you're still just
texting and emailing?
18
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,010
You don't feel any need
to hang out with her, you know--
19
00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:46,880
be in the same room?
20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,720
Leonard, you are
my best friend.
21
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,120
I've known you
for seven years,
22
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,060
and I can barely tolerate
sitting on the couch with you.
23
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:58,190
Imagine my attitude regarding
prolonged physical proximity
24
00:00:58,190 --> 00:00:59,680
to Amy Farrah Fowler.
25
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,360
Got it.
26
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,200
I sense judgment on your part.
27
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,500
No, no.
28
00:01:06,170 --> 00:01:08,120
Maybe a little.
29
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,270
May I suggest that your
criticism is based on jealousy.
30
00:01:12,270 --> 00:01:15,090
Jealousy? What do I
have to be jealous of?
31
00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:17,950
I have a functioning
and satisfying relationship
32
00:01:17,950 --> 00:01:19,280
with a female.
33
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:22,720
You have none.
34
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,370
Oh, right. That.
35
00:01:25,370 --> 00:01:27,810
Jealousy is an ugly
green-eyed monster--
36
00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:28,940
not unlike the Hulk--
37
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:31,840
who, by the way,
also has a girlfriend.
38
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,040
In this iteration,
Jennifer Connelly,
39
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,760
whom you may recall as
the girlfriend of Russell Crowe
40
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:37,830
in A Beautiful Mind,
41
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:41,390
a feel-good romp if
there ever was one.
42
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:43,570
I'm not jealous.
43
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,530
Leonard not jealous.
44
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:52,160
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
45
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,500
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
46
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,120
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
47
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,670
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
48
00:01:59,670 --> 00:02:02,320
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
49
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,010
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
50
00:02:05,010 --> 00:02:06,890
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
51
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:07,520
♪ Bang! ♪
52
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,720
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x05 ♪
The Desperation Emanation
Original Air Date on October 21, 2010
53
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,440
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
-- Resync to The Big Bang Theory S04
720p BluRay x264-CLUE by lorez --
54
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,530
You know, it just
occurred to me,
55
00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:18,790
if there are an infinite
number of parallel universes,
56
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,800
in one of them,
there's probably a Sheldon
57
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,220
who doesn't believe
parallel universes exist.
58
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,600
Probably. What's your point?
59
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,520
No point.
60
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,850
It's just one
of the things
61
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,640
that makes one of
the mes chuckle.
62
00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:36,060
What makes you
chuckle, Leonard?
63
00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:38,560
Hmm, recently?
64
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,680
Not much.
65
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,700
Is it because of the
conflict that arises
66
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,020
from your desperate need
to pair-bond with a woman,
67
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:46,240
and the apparent collective
decision of all womankind
68
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,660
to deny you
that opportunity?
69
00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:52,130
Um...
70
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,630
Shut up.
71
00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:57,030
You know,
when my grandfather died,
72
00:02:57,030 --> 00:02:59,500
and Meemaw was alone,
my mom arranged for her
73
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,500
to visit a center
three times a week
74
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:05,060
where she could socialize
with other lonely people.
75
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,420
It's very nice.
76
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:10,210
They discuss current events,
play bridge, get a hot meal.
77
00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:11,380
That sounds lovely.
78
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:14,700
It is if you
like bridge.
79
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:16,830
Do you like bridge,
Leonard?
80
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,720
Sheldon, I'm just not
dating someone right now.
81
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,770
I don't need to go
to a senior center.
82
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,860
Meemaw resisted at first,
but now she loves it.
83
00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:31,400
Fine. If I don't meet someone
soon, you can put me in a home.
84
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,730
It's not a home.
85
00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,870
It's a senior center.
86
00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:38,250
We'd never put
Meemaw in a home!
87
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,020
Hey, guys.
88
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,270
Hey.
Hey.
89
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:46,650
All right, I'll bow
to social pressure: Hey!
90
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,650
Excuse me. That's my girlfriend,
Bernadette.
91
00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,320
I assigned her
her own ringtone--
92
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,900
"Bernadette,"
by The Four Tops.
93
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,620
Hello, Bernadette.
94
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:59,510
When I call him, his phone
plays "Brown Eyed Girl."
95
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,240
Which, now that
96
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,450
I think about it,
is not so good.
97
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:06,050
You realize he's just
rubbing our noses in the fact
98
00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:07,680
that he has a girlfriend,
and we don't.
99
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,840
You mean, you don't.
100
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,040
You have a girlfriend?
101
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,420
How could you have a girlfriend?
102
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:13,890
You can't even speak to women.
103
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:17,230
Two words-- deaf chick.
104
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:19,230
It doesn't matter
105
00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:21,500
if I can't talk,
because she can't hear me.
106
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,100
What?
107
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,870
That's what she said.
108
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:29,040
Great. You have a girlfriend,
Howard's got a girlfriend,
109
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,410
Sheldon's got
a girl...
No, no, no, no!
110
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:31,520
...who's a friend.
111
00:04:31,530 --> 00:04:33,560
Thank you.
112
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,740
What about you, Stuart?
113
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,250
You have a
girlfriend yet?
114
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:37,500
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
115
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,000
I met her at Comic-Con,
the one place in the world
116
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,150
where saying
"I own a comic bookstore"
117
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,900
is an actual pickup line.
118
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,840
Oh. Well, good for you.
119
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,940
Not really. She's horrible.
120
00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,360
When she wants to have sex,
121
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,760
she puts on her plus-size
Wonder Woman costume and shouts,
122
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,560
"Who wants to take a ride
in my invisible plane?"
123
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,420
Why don't you just
break up with her?
124
00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:01,640
No, no, I can't.
125
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:02,590
Why not?
126
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,020
'Cause then I'd be alone,
127
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:05,390
like you.
128
00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:09,110
Dude, why don't you just invoke
your girlfriend pact
129
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:10,710
with Wolowitz?
130
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:13,030
Because I don't
need his girlfriend
131
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:15,450
to set me up with one
of her girlfriends.
132
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:18,740
I'm perfectly capable of
finding a girl on my own.
133
00:05:18,740 --> 00:05:20,790
Oh, Leonard, you remind me
134
00:05:20,790 --> 00:05:22,960
of the funny old story
about a man
135
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,940
who walks into a women's
correctional institution
136
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,300
with a stack of paperwork
137
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,830
that will allow
the female convicts to go free.
138
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:30,730
You're saying I
couldn't get laid
139
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:34,250
in a women's prison with
a handful of pardons.
140
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,920
Are you going to let me
tell the story or not?
141
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,130
Leonard?
142
00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:43,500
Are you sleeping?
143
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:44,730
No.
144
00:05:44,730 --> 00:05:45,730
Are you ill?
145
00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:46,770
No.
146
00:05:46,770 --> 00:05:48,130
Are you still depressed
147
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,440
because you're alone,
and no one loves you?
148
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,920
I don't know. Maybe.
149
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,270
I want you to know
that I'm genuinely concerned
150
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:56,530
about your well-being.
151
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,190
Thank you.
You're welcome.
152
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,810
But it's still no reason
to have your feet in my spot.
153
00:06:03,370 --> 00:06:06,990
May I offer an observation?
154
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:10,510
What the hell?
How long has she been here?
155
00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:13,290
Since we got home
from the comic bookstore.
156
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,430
That was two hours ago.
157
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:15,590
As per your suggestion,
158
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,100
we're hanging out.
159
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,160
Quite frankly, I don't see
160
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,330
what all the hoopla's about.
161
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:21,130
Go on, Amy.
162
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,900
From a neurobiological
standpoint, Leonard,
163
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,400
you may be alone
because your psychological state
164
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,870
is causing
an actual pheromone-based stink
165
00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,530
of desperation.
166
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,690
Did you know that, Leonard?
167
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,450
No.
I did.
168
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,880
Leonard, I understand
that some people find mates
169
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,350
in social gathering places
such as bars or taverns.
170
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:41,220
Have you tried a bar or tavern?
171
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:43,540
No, I'm not gonna try
to pick up a woman in a bar.
172
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,710
Wise decision. You see, Amy,
173
00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:49,330
success at a bar is based
on classic male attributes
174
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:52,300
such as height, strength,
attractiveness,
175
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:55,200
the ability to hold one's liquor
and throw darts--
176
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,470
separately or together.
177
00:06:56,470 --> 00:07:00,310
Leonard has none of these
attributes, right, Leonard?
178
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:04,630
Right.
179
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:06,230
That's not true of all bars.
180
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:07,430
Juice bars, for example.
181
00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:09,430
Oh! Good point, Amy.
182
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,680
Yeah, building
on your premise,
183
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:13,740
Leonard could
frequent sushi bars,
184
00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,650
salad bars, oyster bars,
185
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:18,020
the Apple Genius Bar...
What are you doing?
186
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,860
Keep going. I'm listening.
187
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,950
That was rude.
188
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,760
He does it all the time.
189
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,800
He's a cornucopia
of social awkwardness.
190
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,170
Cornucopia.
191
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,200
What a mellifluous word.
192
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,060
Let's make that our word
of the day.
193
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:36,240
Agreed. And we'll use
mellifluous tomorrow.
194
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,040
Well, I have to void my bladder.
195
00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:41,330
It was nice spending this time
with you.
196
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,700
Wait.
197
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:43,900
I have a request.
198
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,100
Yes?
199
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,540
I'd like you to meet my mother.
200
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:47,700
I see.
201
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,470
Can I get back to you on that?
202
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,220
Certainly. Good night.
203
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,430
Good night.
204
00:07:57,230 --> 00:08:00,650
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
205
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:03,320
Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
206
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,020
Leonard, Leonard, Leonard,
Leonard, Leonard,
207
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,270
Leonard, Leonard,
208
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:08,470
Leonard, Leonard...
209
00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:09,910
Yeah, what?
210
00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:12,860
Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me
to meet her mother.
211
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,060
Yeah. So?
212
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,750
What does that mean?
213
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,700
Well, you know
how you're always saying
214
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,950
that Amy is a girl
who's your friend,
215
00:08:20,950 --> 00:08:22,120
and not your girlfriend?
216
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:25,090
Uh-huh.
You can't say
that anymore.
217
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,990
Wait. What?
218
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,160
Look, she obviously wants
219
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,450
to take your relationship
to the next level.
220
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:34,170
I don't want
the next level.
221
00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:36,190
I like this level.
222
00:08:36,190 --> 00:08:37,770
Fix it for me!
223
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,500
Me?
224
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:41,340
Well, how am I supposed
to fix it?
225
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:43,190
Simple! You want a girlfriend,
226
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,980
Amy wants
to be someone's girlfriend.
227
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:47,950
Take her off my hands.
I give you my blessing.
228
00:08:47,950 --> 00:08:49,900
That is insane.
229
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,480
You're right.
It would never work.
230
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,120
Amy finds you tedious.
231
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,870
Okay, good luck.
232
00:08:54,870 --> 00:08:57,020
Wait! What am I
supposed to do?
233
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,790
Well, have you considered
telling her how you feel?
234
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:03,580
Leonard, I'm a physicist,
not a hippie.
235
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,250
All right, well, let me see
236
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,550
if I can explain your situation
using physics.
237
00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:10,250
What would you be
238
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,200
if you were attached
to another object
239
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:16,540
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis?
240
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:17,940
Screwed.
241
00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:23,150
There you go.
242
00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:27,270
Amy's right.
243
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:29,940
He is tedious.
244
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:38,250
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, get the door!
245
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,200
Why can't you get it?
246
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,670
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse
247
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:46,370
for my colonoscopy!
248
00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:50,480
I'm like an upside-down
volcano here.
249
00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,310
Oh, hey.
250
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:56,070
I hope you didn't hear that.
251
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:58,180
The volcano thing? No.
252
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:00,570
What's with the T-shirt?
253
00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:02,070
You working at the
Apple store now?
254
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,320
No, it's just something
I threw on.
255
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,610
I know all your shirts.
256
00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:07,030
That's not one of them...
257
00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:09,450
You were pretending to
work at the Genius Bar
258
00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:11,150
to pick up women,
weren't you?
259
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:14,320
Yeah.
260
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:16,870
Turns out,
they guard the iPods,
261
00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:19,000
but they don't
guard the shirts.
262
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,710
So, how'd it go?
263
00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:21,820
It was going well.
264
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,580
I was showing
this super hot girl
265
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:25,290
how to boot up in Safe Mode.
266
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,700
The manager got suspicious,
and, well, long story short,
267
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:32,300
they really do have
a little jail in the mall.
268
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:35,820
Just FYI, don't try to go
back with a fake mustache.
269
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,940
I mean, they may not
really be geniuses,
270
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:40,210
but they see
right through that.
271
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:43,160
I want to invoke
the girlfriend pact, Howard.
272
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,360
You that desperate?
273
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,470
No, I just...
I want what you have.
274
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:48,770
You know, I want
a woman in my life.
275
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,400
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Holy Moses,
276
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,820
how much liquid can
be in one tokus?
277
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:59,880
To be clear, I meant like
Bernadette, not your mother.
278
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,450
Yeah, I know
what you mean.
279
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,670
Well, I'm off to meet
Bernadette's friend.
280
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:09,020
How do I look?
281
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:11,330
As if one of the plants
282
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,100
from
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
283
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,860
duplicated you in every way,
284
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:17,630
only with an absurd
amount of hair gel.
285
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,040
What are you
working on?
286
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,950
I'm removing
my digital footprint
287
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,110
from the Internet
288
00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:25,060
so Amy Farrah Fowler
can't find me
289
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,730
and compel me to meet her mother.
Ah.
290
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,140
You're going off the grid.
291
00:11:29,150 --> 00:11:30,210
Exactly.
292
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:33,520
The old Unabomber approach.
Kudos.
293
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,820
Thank you.
294
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:38,240
I've also sent Amy a
relationship termination notice
295
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,990
and changed my cell phone number
and e-mail address.
296
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:43,740
What if she just comes over?
297
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:44,740
She'll get lost.
298
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:47,550
We no longer live
at 2311 Los Robles.
299
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:52,640
We now live at 311 Los Robles.
300
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:57,090
You changed the address
on the building?
301
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:58,240
What about mail?
302
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,260
Oh, no worries--
I explained my predicament
303
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:01,410
to our letter carrier.
304
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,460
He was sympathetic.
305
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,760
His exact words were:
306
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,130
"Got your back, Jack.
307
00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:07,530
Bitches be crazy."
308
00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:14,810
Who is it?
309
00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:16,530
Amy Farrah Fowler.
310
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:21,650
Darn! She found me!
311
00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:23,530
She's been here before.
312
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:27,950
The only flaw in an
otherwise perfect plan.
313
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:30,990
Now, get my back, Jack.
314
00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:33,240
What do you want to do?
Tell her I'm not here.
315
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,990
Okay, where are you?
I don't know.
316
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,410
You'll have to devise a scenario
317
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:37,910
that plausibly
explains my absence,
318
00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:42,720
keeping in mind that the key to
a good lie lies in the details.
319
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:56,100
Hi, Amy.
320
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,480
Sheldon's not here.
321
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,080
All right.
322
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,810
Way to go on the details.
323
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:11,330
Thanks again for
doing this, Bernadette.
324
00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:13,000
Oh, I take pacts
very seriously.
325
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,320
One time at my lab,
a petri dish
326
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,340
of genetically modified
super-virus went missing.
327
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,990
That day we made a pinky swear
never to admit
328
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:22,340
we crossed Ebola
with the common cold.
329
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,260
Why the hell
330
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:28,010
would you cross Ebola
with the common cold?
331
00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:29,630
We never did.
332
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:33,500
That would be
a terrible, terrible thing.
333
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,690
Hi. Sorry I'm late--
I was at the gym.
334
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,140
Spin class--
worked up quite a sweat.
335
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,860
Joy, this is Leonard.
Leonard, this is Joy.
336
00:13:45,870 --> 00:13:46,950
Hi.
Hi.
337
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:48,480
You don't look
like a genius.
338
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,620
Go ahead, say
something smart.
339
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,500
Uh...
Aah! Time's up.
340
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,960
Just kidding.
341
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
First thing you need
to know about me:
342
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,380
I'm hilarious.
343
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:00,960
Yeah.
344
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,250
So, Bernadette tells me
345
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,630
she knows you from
self-defense classes?
346
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,640
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga.
347
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:07,850
Lots of fun.
348
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:09,720
Basically,
a hundred different ways
349
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,870
to rip a guy's nuts off.
350
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,540
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd
351
00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:15,810
be that many.
Number 42!
352
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,350
Whoa!
353
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,180
Isn't she a pip?
354
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,560
Proxima Centauri's
the nearest star.
355
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,780
The celestial bodies
that follow are
356
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,200
Alpha Centauri A, Toli,
357
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,900
Barnard's Star,
358
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,080
Wolf 359...
359
00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,920
Lalande 21185,
360
00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:47,930
Sirius A, Sirius B,
361
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:51,430
BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti,
362
00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:53,750
Ross 154...
363
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:55,930
Ross 248...
364
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,440
Epsilon Eridani,
365
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,910
Lac-9352,
366
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:03,190
Ross 128,
367
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:05,080
Procyon A...
368
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,650
Oh, darn, that's wrong!
369
00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:14,920
EZ Aquarii A,
370
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,890
EZ Aquarii B,
371
00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:19,490
EZ Aquarii C,
372
00:15:19,490 --> 00:15:22,130
Procyon A.
373
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:25,480
Those are the stars
that are nearest to me.
374
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,300
Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
375
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,340
Oh, dear.
376
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:38,390
They really do be crazy.
377
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,600
This lobster's good
on the way down
378
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,440
and the way up.
379
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:52,310
Should be-- it's
$30 a pound.
380
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:56,480
Hey, this is a date, right?
381
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,610
Yep, it is.
382
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,080
73!
Whoa!
383
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,370
Excuse me, I have to go
to the little girls' room...
384
00:16:05,370 --> 00:16:06,920
and take a wicked whiz.
385
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:09,090
I'll go with you.
386
00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:11,090
Fair warning--
I had the asparagus.
387
00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:13,910
My pee is gonna
stink up the place.
388
00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,430
I think she likes you.
389
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:24,640
EZ Aquarii B...
390
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,610
EZ Aquarii C...
391
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,820
Excuse me, madam.
392
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,040
Sheldon?
393
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,370
Rats!
394
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:45,080
I believe a misunderstanding
may have occurred
395
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,330
when I asked you
to meet my mother.
396
00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:48,630
No misunderstanding.
397
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:51,080
I've learned what that
request actually means,
398
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,970
and I don't want to be
joined to another object
399
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:57,770
by an inclined plane wrapped
helically around an axis.
400
00:16:57,770 --> 00:16:59,980
In what way are
you screwed?
401
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:04,410
All I want to do is present you
as my boyfriend to my mother
402
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:06,650
so she'll be satisfied
that I'm in a relationship.
403
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,650
So we'd be
perpetrating a ruse?
404
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:11,090
Precisely.
405
00:17:11,090 --> 00:17:14,720
And you haven't fallen
hopelessly in love with me?
406
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,530
Don't be absurd.
407
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,430
I find the notion
of romantic love
408
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:21,100
to be an unnecessary
cultural construct
409
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,430
that adds no value to
human relationships.
410
00:17:23,430 --> 00:17:26,950
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's
the most pragmatic thing
411
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:29,270
anyone has ever said to me.
412
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:31,840
I trust this clarification
allows us to return
413
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,940
to boy-slash-friend-slash-
girl-slash-friend status.
414
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,260
Of course.
415
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:38,900
Would you like to join me
for Chinese food?
416
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,520
Sheldon, please,
you're suffocating me.
417
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,920
My apologies.
418
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,940
Good night, Amy.
Good night, Sheldon.
419
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,510
Come on, just
give her a chance.
420
00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:52,380
Maybe she'll grow on you.
421
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:56,530
Or maybe she'll finally succeed in
ripping my nuts off.
422
00:17:57,750 --> 00:18:00,700
There are still 93 ways
she hasn't tried yet.
423
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,690
Look, H-Howard,
I appreciate
424
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,810
the effort, but this is, like,
the worst date of my life.
425
00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:07,240
Seriously?
426
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,050
I was once robbed by a pre-op
transsexual I met on J-Date,
427
00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:14,250
and that didn't
even crack my top ten.
428
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:17,340
I guess the difference is,
I have some self-respect.
429
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:20,240
Not that I've ever seen.
430
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,920
It's relatively new.
431
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,560
I just know that
432
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,090
I'm not gonna spend time
with someone I don't like
433
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,680
simply to have a girlfriend.
434
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,100
I'm okay on my own.
435
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:32,970
Good news-- I made
lots of room for dessert.
436
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,970
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice
to meet you, but...
437
00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:39,270
Yeah, you, too.
Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
438
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,090
I need a date for
my cousin's wedding.
439
00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:42,440
You're asking me out?
440
00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:43,480
Yeah.
441
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:44,780
And it's an open bar,
442
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:47,830
so I'll probably
be giving it away.
443
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,450
I look forward to it.
444
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,540
MRS. FOWLER
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
445
00:19:00,610 --> 00:19:02,280
I honestly didn't believe Amy
446
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,870
when she told me
she had a boyfriend.
447
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,000
I assure you I am quite real
448
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,540
and I'm having regular intercourse
with your daughter.
449
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,560
What?
450
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,810
Oh, yes.
451
00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:19,010
We're like wild
animals in heat.
452
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:22,280
It's a wonder neither
of us has been hurt.
453
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,290
Amy... what is he saying?
454
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:28,240
You wanted me to have
a boyfriend, Mother.
455
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,310
Well, here he is.
456
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,460
Have to sign off now.
457
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:37,230
My hunger for Sheldon
is stirring in my loins.
458
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,990
Oh, yes, it's time
for me to make love
459
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,450
to your daughter's vagina.
460
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,460
Thank you, Sheldon,
that went very well.
461
00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:51,010
Agreed.
462
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:53,180
Amy, I find
myself wondering
463
00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:55,720
if we should actually
engage in coitus
464
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,420
at least one time
in our relationship.
465
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,970
Bazinga.
466
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,610
Bedtime. Please
show yourself out.
467
00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:10,310
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
468
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,310
-- Resync to The Big Bang Theory S04
720p BluRay x264-CLUE by lorez --