1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,370
We were worried
about you.
2
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,372
Don't be melodramatic.
3
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,974
I'm just getting on a train
4
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:11,209
and leaving forever.
5
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,446
So a few things
don't go your way
6
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,814
and your best
decision
7
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,383
is to ride the
rails like a hobo?
8
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,652
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.
9
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,753
Everything
is changing,
10
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:24,155
and it's simply too much.
11
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:25,824
I need to get away and think.
12
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,325
Sheldon...
13
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,127
Yes?
14
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:31,062
I'm gonna miss you.
15
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,765
Of course you are.
16
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,869
You just made
that easier.
17
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,009
Excuse me.
18
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,947
Is it at all possible
19
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,049
that you're knitting
a pair of pants?
20
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,120
Oh, well, no, you're
understandably terrified.
21
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,789
But, you know,
allow me to explain.
22
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,926
45 days ago, um,
I embarked on
23
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,460
a railroad journey
of healing
24
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,862
because my university
25
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,530
was making me do
string theory,
26
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:08,033
and my favorite comic
book store burned down,
27
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,901
and when my roommate
got engaged,
28
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,170
my girlfriend wanted
to move in with me,
29
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,839
which was no doubt
a ploy just to see my...
30
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,242
Well, excuse my language,
but my bathing suit parts.
31
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,048
Uh, sir, may I
use your phone?
32
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,050
I don't think so.
Yeah, well,
33
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,885
I understand that
I'm half naked,
34
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,753
but there is
a reasonable explanation.
35
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,289
While I slept
in my sleeper car,
36
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,091
all my possessions were stolen.
37
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,093
Now,
38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,760
typically,
I wear pajamas,
39
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:39,631
but I recently adopted
a hobo lifestyle
40
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,268
and pajamas are the
sleep-pants of the Man.
41
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,340
I'll have you know,
Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants
42
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,241
and a nation rallied behind him!
43
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:52,277
My good man...
44
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,612
Now, before you walk away...
45
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,513
I know that I may
appear deranged,
46
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,983
but I am, in fact,
a world-renowned physicist.
47
00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:01,386
Ask me the difference
between a boson and a fermion.
48
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,554
Go ahead, ask!
49
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,192
Bosons have integer spin,
50
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,628
fermions have half-integer spin!
51
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,895
My legs are getting cold!
52
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:13,798
Why won't anybody help me?
53
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,402
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
54
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:20,705
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
55
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,374
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
56
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:25,076
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
57
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,579
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
58
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:30,281
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
59
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,183
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
60
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,885
♪ Bang! ♪
61
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:41,259
(sniffs)
62
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,261
Morning.
63
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,862
Hi. Want to do
yoga with me?
64
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,497
Um, let me just have
some coffee first,
65
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,565
and then I'll have
the strength to tell you
66
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,901
how much I won't be doing that.
67
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,837
(phone ringing)
68
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,039
Hello?
69
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,007
Hello, Leonard.
70
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,977
Hey, buddy.
Good to hear your voice.
71
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,545
Uh, I'm in Kingman, Arizona,
72
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:03,982
and, uh, I need you
to come pick me up.
73
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,917
I'd love to.
74
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,386
I'm just about
to do yoga with Penny.
75
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:12,257
Leonard, I'm at
the police station.
76
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,259
I was robbed.
77
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,793
Th-They took my phone,
78
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,995
my wallet, my iPad, everything.
79
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,196
Oh, my God, are you okay?
80
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,198
No,
81
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,298
I'm not okay.
82
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,167
I-I'm wearing borrowed pants,
83
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,269
I-I don't have I.D.,
84
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,737
and one of the officers here
85
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,173
won't stop calling me
Chicken Legs.
86
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,574
Okay.
87
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,775
Uh, I'll-I'll
come get you.
88
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:31,777
What's the address?
89
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,844
Hey, what's going on?
Oh.
90
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,312
He got all of
his stuff stolen.
91
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,647
Oh...
92
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,716
Okay...
93
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,950
Sheldon, hang tight.
94
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,518
Hey, do you want me
to bring anything?
95
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,886
Oh, yes, please.
96
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,054
A pair of pants.
97
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,322
And my toothbrush.
98
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,057
Yeah, and my mail.
99
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,992
And a really good comeback
for Chicken Legs,
100
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,994
because "I know you are,
but what am I?"
101
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,731
was met with stony silence.
102
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,532
I'll be there
as soon as I can.
103
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:55,800
Is he okay?
104
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,569
Yeah, he's fine, he's
just a little rattled.
105
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,637
Oh...
Feel like driving
to Arizona with me?
106
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:00,972
I can't, I have
that job interview.
107
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,373
Oh, right.
Besides,
108
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,908
I don't need six hours of
"Your hair is different.
109
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,276
"Why did you change your hair?
110
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,512
I'm holding my breath
until your hair grows back."
111
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,081
All right, fine.
112
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,650
Hey, can you
think of a reason
113
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,719
I shouldn't invite
Amy to come with me?
Nope.
114
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,288
Come on, you didn't even try.
115
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,725
Thanks for the lift.
116
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:21,993
What's wrong
with your car?
117
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,230
I'm having my windows untinted.
118
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,065
Why?
119
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,433
Got a hot girlfriend now.
120
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,301
I want the haters to know.
121
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:31,770
What are you talking about?
122
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,338
No one's paying
attention to you.
123
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:34,706
Wow.
124
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,142
How's that Hater-ade
taste, bro?
125
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,211
Hey, this isn't
the way to work.
126
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,281
I just want to pop in
and make sure Ma's okay.
127
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,949
I thought Stuart
was looking after her.
128
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:48,386
He was, but now that her cast
is off, he moved out.
129
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,921
And honestly, I'm kind of glad.
130
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,356
It was getting a little weird.
131
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,657
How so?
132
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,758
I don't know,
they're...
133
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,427
chummy.
134
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:58,029
Like us?
135
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,597
No, not like us.
136
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:00,965
Creepy chummy,
137
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,234
like you and your dog.
138
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,704
She feeds him out
of her own mouth?
139
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,108
I mean, he calls
her Debbie,
140
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,277
she calls
him Stewie
141
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,945
and they're all giggly
around each other.
142
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,014
And believe me,
when food goes in that mouth,
143
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,715
it does not come out.
144
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,651
So are you worried
145
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,420
because he's replacing you
as a son
146
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,223
or are you worried because
he's becoming her lover?
147
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,892
First of all, no one can
replace me as a son.
148
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:29,427
I'm her little matzo ball.
149
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,362
And secondly,
150
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:32,997
my mother is well past
151
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,533
having any kind of sex life.
152
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,235
Okay, okay.
153
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,972
Although many older women
lead vibrant, active...
154
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,774
I said well past it!
155
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,079
Excuse me,
Officer Hernandez?
156
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,082
Any leads on the person
who stole my belongings?
157
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,150
Not yet.
158
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,384
Well, perhaps I can help.
159
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,253
Sherlock Holmes
always says
160
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:58,389
when you eliminate
the impossible,
161
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,692
whatever remains,
however improbable,
162
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,093
must be the truth.
163
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,296
Now, have-have you
tried doing that?
164
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,131
Nope.
165
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:10,869
Well, maybe you should.
166
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,705
Th-Th-There's lots of books
called "Sherlock Holmes"
167
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,107
and there's no books
called "Officer Hernandez."
168
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,749
Thanks again
for coming.
169
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,018
Six hours was gonna be
a long drive by myself.
170
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,353
My pleasure.
171
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:31,089
And I'm not angry at all
that my boyfriend
172
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,191
was in trouble
and called you instead of me.
173
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,259
I love that!
174
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:40,431
Yeah, time's gonna fly by.
175
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,702
I haven't been on a job
interview in years.
176
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:45,837
I'm really nervous.
177
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:46,971
Don't be.
178
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,840
You are built for
pharmaceutical sales.
179
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,709
You're cute,
you're flirty and...
180
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,279
Started that like there
were gonna be three things.
181
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,949
I don't have
any experience in sales.
182
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,885
Unless you count the bikini
car wash I did in high school.
183
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,488
But you already made me
take that off my résumé.
184
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,358
This job is a lot
like being a waitress,
185
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,860
except instead of
pushing the fish tacos
186
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,094
'cause they're
about to go bad,
187
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,196
you're just pushing
our antidepressants
188
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,699
before the FDA finds out they
may cause rectal bleeding.
189
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,103
They do?
190
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,405
Maybe.
191
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,042
But like our lawyers say,
the world is full of things
192
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,411
that can cause a
rectum to bleed.
193
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,314
Anyway, I talked
you up to Dan.
194
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,848
He's the guy who'll
be interviewing you.
195
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,250
Oh, I really appreciate this.
196
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,952
I just hope I'm not
in over my head.
197
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,887
You'll be fine.
Just be yourself.
198
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,522
I wish I felt more confident.
Penny,
199
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,090
I wouldn't have put
you up for this job
200
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,325
if I didn't think
you could handle it.
201
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,627
Oh, thank you,
but maybe I should cancel.
202
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,529
It's too late to cancel.
You're going.
203
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,364
But I don't know anything
about pharmaceuticals.
204
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,799
Oh, I understand.
205
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,701
You want to do something
you're already good at.
206
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,002
I know.
207
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,704
Why don't I get
you a job at
208
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,406
the Sitting Around All Day
Wearing Yoga Pants Factory?
209
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,646
They're comfortable.
210
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,385
Ma, I hope you're decent.
Raj is here!
211
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,786
You just started seeing
naked women again,
212
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,355
and I don't want you
to be confused
213
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:11,689
about where the boobs should be.
214
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,559
Oh, hey, guys.
215
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,994
What are you
doing here?
216
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,730
Uh... w-what are you doing here?
217
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:19,931
I thought you moved out.
218
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,899
Oh, yeah, I was going to,
219
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,835
and then Debbie
and I got to talking
220
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,436
over dinner
the other night.
221
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,704
I didn't have anyplace to go,
222
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:28,106
she likes having me around,
223
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,708
so we both said, "Why leave?"
at the same time.
224
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:31,909
(laughs)
225
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:34,012
It was precious.
226
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,648
It's not that precious.
227
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,050
I'd like to
back you up,
228
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,952
but it sounds like it
was pretty precious.
229
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,493
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Stewie, I can't find my glasses!
230
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,161
Be right there, Deb Deb!
231
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,398
They're probably on her head.
232
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,567
Or in her neck.
Listen.
233
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,872
You staying here
seems like something
234
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,041
she would've talked
to me about.
235
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,476
Well, maybe if you called your
mother more often, you'd know.
236
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,616
It wouldn't kill you
to pick up the phone.
237
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,067
Any word on my
stolen items?
238
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,069
We're doing everything we can.
239
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,771
You know, Sherlock Holmes
240
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:35,807
liked to use cocaine
to sharpen his focus.
241
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,280
But I'm sure those Cool Ranch
Doritos are doing the trick.
242
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,083
Sheldon.
243
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,717
(gasps)
Leonard!
244
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,053
Oh, I'm so happy
to see you.
245
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,122
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine.
246
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,857
Why did you come?
247
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,094
What do you mean,
why did I come?
248
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,228
You're my boyfriend.
249
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,930
I haven't seen you
in over a month.
250
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,932
I just drove six hours
to help you out.
251
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,533
Don't you have
anything to say besides,
252
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,601
"Why did you come?"
253
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,537
I do, but...
254
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,206
I feel uncomfortable
saying it out loud
255
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,807
in front of these
police officers.
256
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,443
Fine.
257
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,511
Whisper it.
258
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:19,450
Shotgun.
259
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,794
So, Sheldon, tell
us about your trip.
260
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,162
Where'd you go?
261
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,663
Where didn't I go?
262
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:33,764
I went to New York,
263
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:37,001
Chicago, Atlanta, Denver,
264
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,503
Seattle.
265
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,971
How were they?
266
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,439
Oh, I have no idea.
267
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,974
I never left
the train station.
268
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,944
Hang on. You traveled
across the entire country
269
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,813
and never left a train station?
270
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,114
Why would I?
271
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,916
That's where
all the cool trains are.
272
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,953
I'm sorry, so you
never went outside?
273
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:58,556
Or had a single
piece of fruit.
274
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,127
So...
275
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,228
why do you think
you'd make
276
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,565
a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
277
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,534
Well, I'm a people person.
Mm-hmm.
278
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,801
People like me.
279
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:12,803
Some of my favorite people
are people.
280
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,907
I feel like I'm saying
"people" a lot.
281
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,543
People, people, people, pe...
Okay, I'm done.
282
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,977
You sure?
283
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:21,179
People.
284
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,114
Yes.
285
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,949
Good!
286
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,150
So, how do you feel
287
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,152
your previous job experience
has prepared you
288
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,087
for a career like this?
289
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:33,257
Uh, well, as a waitress,
sales was a big part of my job.
290
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,826
I mean, believe me, I convinced
a lot of very large customers,
291
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,261
who should not be
eating cheesecake,
292
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,230
to have more cheesecake.
293
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,598
I mean,
294
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,600
one of those chubsters
even had an insulin pump!
295
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:45,203
Uh-huh!
296
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,340
I have an insulin pump.
297
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,744
People.
(quiet laugh)
298
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,049
It's weird, right?
299
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:01,419
A grown man in his 30s
living with my mother.
300
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:02,753
That is weird.
301
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:05,923
I thought he was, like, 45.
302
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,925
Come on, you don't think
it's a little odd?
303
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,027
I don't know!
I mean, she's lonely.
304
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,462
He needs a place to stay.
305
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,364
I doubt there's
any funny business going on.
306
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,665
And even if there was,
307
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,167
who cares?
They're both adults.
308
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,602
"Who cares"?!
You wouldn't care
309
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,570
if I slept with your mom?
310
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,272
You know what?
You're my best friend,
311
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,573
and she's in a bad marriage.
312
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,675
I give you my blessing.
313
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,044
This is stupid.
314
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:30,348
I'm just gonna call my mother
and be honest with her.
315
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,950
'Cause that's
what little matzo balls do.
316
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,188
(line ringing)
317
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,389
STUART:
This is Debbie!
318
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,690
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
And this is Stuart!
319
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:43,294
BOTH:
Just kidding!
320
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:46,230
STUART:
Leave a message!
321
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,299
(beeps)
322
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,570
(whispers):
This is the part where you talk.
323
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,174
All right, let's say
a physician was prescribing
324
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,710
one of our competitor's drugs.
325
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,545
How would you convince them
to switch to ours?
326
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,519
Um...
327
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,354
any chance his car needs
328
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:13,491
to be washed by a girl
in a bikini?
329
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,694
(quietly):
No...
330
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,963
Okay, I'm really sorry
for wasting your time.
331
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,532
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by.
332
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,601
Okay, thanks.
333
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,039
Um, I'm sor...
Listen, could you do me a favor
334
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,908
and not tell Bernadette
how badly I blew this interview?
335
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,310
She'll get upset.
336
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:36,080
And honestly I'm a...
a little terrified of her.
337
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,483
Wait, wait.
You're scared of Bernadette?
338
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,085
Yeah, kind of.
339
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:44,455
I thought it was just me!
340
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,025
E-Everyone thinks she's so nice
341
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:51,429
with that squeaky little voice.
342
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,297
I know, but she's
kind of a bully!
343
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,499
(stammers)
She is!
344
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,001
I-I didn't even want
to meet you,
345
00:13:57,003 --> 00:14:00,471
but, uh, I was too scared
to say no to her.
346
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,139
Me, too!
347
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:03,941
Yeah, yeah!
One-one time, I had...
348
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,509
Oh! (laughs)
I had to tell her
349
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,078
we were cutting
the-the research funding
350
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,779
for one of the drugs
she was developing.
351
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:10,014
What happened?
352
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,649
I couldn't do it!
353
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,684
She's still working on it!
(laughs)
354
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,886
(laughing)
355
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,189
Oh!
356
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,091
We're not gonna tell her
about this, right?
357
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,226
Oh, my God, no!
No, no...
358
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,796
At the hot dog stand
in the Denver train station...
359
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,465
Heinz ketchup.
360
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,666
At the hot dog stand
361
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,167
in the Salt Lake City
train station...
362
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,635
Heinz ketchup.
363
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:35,139
At the hot dog stand in the
Indianapolis train station...
364
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,043
I don't care.
365
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,580
Wrong! Hunt's!
366
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,549
Hey, Amy!
What do you say?
367
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,852
You ready to move on
to the mustard round?
368
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,721
Have you not noticed that
I've been sitting back here
369
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,023
quietly stewing for
the past two hours?
370
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,394
I just thought
you were bad at the game.
371
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,397
I'm mad at you!
372
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,032
How could you just
go away like that
373
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,300
without even
saying good-bye,
374
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,503
and then call Leonard
for help instead of me?
375
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:09,473
Amy?
376
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,642
May I please have
a moment of privacy
377
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,778
to speak with my roommate?
378
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,914
We're in a moving car!
379
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,484
What do you expect me to do?
380
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,553
Stick my fingers in my ears?
381
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,188
Well, I was thinking
put your head out the window
382
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,589
like a dog, but that'll work.
383
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,492
Please? This'll be quick.
384
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,065
Leonard?
385
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,534
As soon as we get home,
386
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,803
I want to have coitus with Amy.
387
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,778
Okay, she can't hear.
388
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,850
The reason I called you
389
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,419
is because I didn't want Amy
390
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,988
to know I couldn't make it
on my own.
391
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,090
What's the big deal?
392
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,493
Oh, of course it's
no big deal to you.
393
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,962
You idolize me,
and nothing could ever knock me
394
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,198
off that pedestal you put me on.
395
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,266
Well, yeah, it's true.
396
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,035
You-you are a god to me.
397
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,938
Can I stop now?
398
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,640
Just tell her.
399
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,177
I called Leonard because...
400
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,179
I failed.
401
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:25,382
And I didn't want you
to think less of me.
402
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,385
You were worried about that?
403
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,922
Yes.
404
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,560
Sheldon...
405
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,830
it's okay with me that
you're not perfect.
406
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:47,404
Can I have one more moment
with Leonard?
407
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,473
Sure.
408
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,050
Amy just hurt my feelings.
I want to break up with her.
409
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,656
Now, I never thought
I'd say this, but I'm
410
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,993
kind of excited to see Sheldon.
411
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:12,029
I never thought I'd say this,
but Penny got a job today.
412
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,398
She did?
413
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,033
Well, the only reason she got it
414
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,869
is 'cause the guy
who interviewed her loves me.
415
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,504
(knocking)
416
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,641
(clears throat)
417
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,911
What do you want?
418
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,813
I, uh, kind of got the feeling
419
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,750
you might not be okay with me
staying at your mom's.
420
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,018
You're right, I'm not.
421
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,386
I think it's weird.
422
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,420
Howie?
423
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:37,755
It is. He's a grown man.
424
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,323
He's just gonna
live there rent-free?
425
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,691
How is that gonna motivate him
426
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,693
to get off his butt
and get a job?
427
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,663
I mean, do you even have a plan?
428
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:48,165
Hey, you're not my father, okay?
429
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,434
And besides, your mother
and I were talking...
430
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:52,403
"Your mother and I"?
You're not my father!
431
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,637
I didn't say I was your father!
432
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:54,705
Well, I didn't say
433
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,507
I was your father!
Okay, calm down.
434
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,409
You're not his father,
he's not your father!
435
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,278
Nobody's anybody's father.
436
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,947
I-I'm sorry
you don't like my life choices,
437
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,448
but it's my life!
438
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,617
Well, it's my house,
it's my rules!
439
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,719
Oh-oh! Okay, Dad!
440
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,322
If I mow the lawn,
can I have my allowance?
441
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,424
Hey, don't you take that
sarcastic tone with him!
442
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,792
I don't have
to listen to you!
443
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,026
Don't talk to her like that!
444
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,595
That is my mother... Wife!
445
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,496
My wife! I said my wife!
446
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,198
You know what?
447
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,600
This isn't getting us anywhere.
448
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,269
When you're ready to apologize,
you know where to find me.
449
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,504
Well, yeah, in my house!
450
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,573
That's right, sucka!
451
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,312
I wish I'd never
gone on that trip.
452
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,881
I feel no better now
than when I left.
453
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,450
But you still
accomplished something.
454
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,151
Yeah. If you had
told anyone
455
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,320
that you were going away
on a train by yourself
456
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,923
across the country, do you
know what they would have said?
457
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,958
That I couldn't do it?
Exactly.
458
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,494
Right after they said, "Yay!"
459
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,497
But you did do it.
460
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,633
So what if it didn't
all go your way?
461
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,901
That's what makes it
an adventure.
462
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:00,004
That's a good point.
463
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:03,540
Yeah, I'm a lot like
Gandalf the Grey.
464
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,843
He fought the Balrog and emerged
465
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,479
stronger than ever
as Gandalf the White.
466
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,081
I was robbed
of my phone and pants,
467
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,384
and I, too,
came back stronger.
468
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,285
And whiter, too,
'cause I wasn't
469
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:18,088
in direct sunlight
for six weeks.
470
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,325
See? This trip
was good for you.
471
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,960
Indeed.
472
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:26,196
I was the world's
smartest caterpillar.
473
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:30,000
And then after pupating
in our nation's railway system,
474
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,568
I've burst forth
475
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,605
as the world's
smartest butterfly.
476
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:36,840
Butterfly could've
gotten himself
477
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,276
home from Arizona.
478
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,346
Yeah, I feel renewed.
479
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,348
I'm ready
480
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,481
to deal with any changes
481
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,716
that come my way.
482
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,152
Hey!
Hey!
483
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,687
Look who's back!
484
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,288
Your hair is different.
You changed your hair.
485
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,624
I can't take this.
I'm out.
486
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,064
Would you like to see pictures
from my trip?
487
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,532
I thought your
phone got stolen.
488
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,434
Yeah, it did,
but luckily all my photos
489
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,536
got backed up to the Cloud.
490
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,772
And you thought they
all had a silver lining.
491
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,174
Here... day one.
492
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,542
Uh, this was the seat
493
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,444
I was going to sit in but didn't
494
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,180
because there were
cracker crumbs on it.
495
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,349
As it was first class,
I suspect Ritz.
496
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:24,021
This is the train bathroom.
497
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,756
This is the Imodium I took
498
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,392
so I would never have
to use the train bathroom.
499
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,160
I cannot believe
500
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,628
you traveled the
entire country
501
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,030
and never left
the train station.
502
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:35,032
I know.
You know, I almost died
503
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:38,035
in a fire in Des Moines,
but I stayed put.
504
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,803
FYI...
505
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,372
That's when
the Imodium gave out.