1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,787
I recently read
that during World War Two,
2
00:00:05,789 --> 00:00:08,173
Joseph Stalin had
a research program
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,791
to create
supersoldiers
4
00:00:09,793 --> 00:00:13,361
by having women
impregnated by gorillas.
5
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,798
What a sick use
of science.
6
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,050
Hey, as long as
the baby's healthy.
7
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,771
I wonder if Stalin considered
any other animals.
8
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,806
Hippos are
the deadliest creature.
9
00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:27,892
A half-human, half-hippo soldier
would be pretty badass.
10
00:00:29,111 --> 00:00:31,062
Yes, but when they're
hungry-hungry,
11
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,981
you can stop them
with marbles.
12
00:00:34,317 --> 00:00:35,400
Yeah, the correct animal
13
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:38,036
for interspecies supersolider
is koala.
14
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:42,540
You would wind up with an army
so cute it couldn't be attacked.
15
00:00:43,909 --> 00:00:46,461
But half-man, half-owl
could fly...
16
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,048
The answer is cuddly soldiers
with big flat noses. Moving on.
17
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:52,717
So, Penny, when's
the new job start?
18
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,918
Next Monday.
19
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,387
Did you get a chance
to look over
20
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,338
the materials I gave you?
21
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:57,505
Uh, not yet,
but I will.
22
00:00:57,507 --> 00:00:59,724
Great. When?
23
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,843
I said I'll get to it.
24
00:01:05,481 --> 00:01:08,633
I'm sensing awkwardness,
am I right?
25
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,602
Yes.
26
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,771
Swish.
27
00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:15,690
I don't want to be pushy,
28
00:01:15,692 --> 00:01:18,443
but you've never done
pharmaceutical sales before.
29
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,862
It seems like you could use
this time to get a head start.
30
00:01:20,864 --> 00:01:22,364
PENNY: Well, the first few
weeks will be all training.
31
00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:25,033
They'll tell me everything
I need to know.
32
00:01:25,035 --> 00:01:26,584
But imagine how impressed
they'd be if you showed up
33
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,003
already familiar
with the material.
34
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,538
Okay, so what, you want me
to be like a teacher's pet?
35
00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:32,674
Couldn't hurt.
36
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:33,541
LEONARD:
Mm, I don't know.
37
00:01:33,543 --> 00:01:35,293
Who here has ever been hurt
38
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,045
because they were
the teacher's pet?
39
00:01:41,183 --> 00:01:43,551
It was like the rest of
the class wanted Ms. McDonald
40
00:01:43,553 --> 00:01:45,303
to forget the quiz.
41
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,940
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
42
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,277
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
43
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,895
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
44
00:01:53,897 --> 00:01:56,448
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
45
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,117
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
46
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,786
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
47
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,705
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
48
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:04,207
♪ Bang! ♪
49
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,208
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x02 ♪
The Junior Professor Solution
Original Air Date on September 22, 2014
50
00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:10,905
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
51
00:02:11,723 --> 00:02:12,690
Mrs. Davis.
52
00:02:12,692 --> 00:02:14,792
(knocking)
Guess who?
53
00:02:14,794 --> 00:02:16,060
Dr. Cooper.
54
00:02:16,062 --> 00:02:18,228
That's right, good job.
55
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,731
Hello.
56
00:02:20,733 --> 00:02:22,900
Uh, you wanted
to see me?
57
00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,518
Yes. Uh, welcome back.
58
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,953
Thank you.
59
00:02:25,955 --> 00:02:28,572
I assume you'd like
to reopen our dialogue
60
00:02:28,574 --> 00:02:31,408
about the university forcing me
to continue with string theory?
61
00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:33,060
You mean the dialogue that went,
62
00:02:33,062 --> 00:02:36,547
"Please?" "No." "Please?" "No."
"Please?" "No."
63
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,550
That's the one.
64
00:02:40,852 --> 00:02:44,171
I believe you went last,
so, uh, please?
65
00:02:44,173 --> 00:02:47,925
Dr. Cooper, while you were away,
we came up with a solution
66
00:02:47,927 --> 00:02:50,344
that would allow you to change
your field of study.
67
00:02:50,346 --> 00:02:52,096
Wow.
68
00:02:52,098 --> 00:02:55,232
Pouting and running away
actually worked.
69
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,068
Yeah, I must say,
that may not be a lesson
70
00:02:58,070 --> 00:02:59,436
you want to reinforce with me.
71
00:03:01,072 --> 00:03:03,107
So, um, what is the solution?
72
00:03:03,109 --> 00:03:04,775
Currently, you're being paid
under a grant
73
00:03:04,777 --> 00:03:06,744
to specifically research
string theory.
74
00:03:06,746 --> 00:03:08,696
If we promote you
to junior professor,
75
00:03:08,698 --> 00:03:10,414
you'll be able to choose
76
00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:12,299
whatever field of research
you'd like.
77
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:17,521
But if I'm a professor,
then I'll have to teach a class.
78
00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:18,989
That is correct.
79
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:24,962
So your solution is to
promote me and pay me more money
80
00:03:24,964 --> 00:03:26,847
so that I can impart
my knowledge
81
00:03:26,849 --> 00:03:28,882
to the next generation
of scientists?
82
00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:30,250
Yes.
83
00:03:31,536 --> 00:03:33,637
You people are sick.
84
00:03:37,108 --> 00:03:38,692
(knocks)
PENNY: Hey.
85
00:03:38,694 --> 00:03:40,060
Ready to go to lunch?
86
00:03:40,062 --> 00:03:41,395
Just give me a minute.
87
00:03:41,397 --> 00:03:42,780
I'm stimulating the pleasure
cells of this starfish.
88
00:03:42,782 --> 00:03:43,981
I just need to turn it off.
89
00:03:43,983 --> 00:03:45,949
What happens
if you don't?
90
00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,301
Then I have to sit through lunch
91
00:03:47,303 --> 00:03:49,987
knowing this starfish is
having a better day than I am.
92
00:03:51,072 --> 00:03:53,457
Is Bernadette meeting us
at the restaurant?
93
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:56,393
Uh, no. Actually,
I didn't invite her.
94
00:03:56,395 --> 00:03:57,494
How come?
95
00:03:57,496 --> 00:03:59,663
Well, ever since she helped me
get this job,
96
00:03:59,665 --> 00:04:01,131
she won't stop bugging me.
97
00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:03,801
Well, I think she just wants you
to do well,
98
00:04:03,803 --> 00:04:05,085
and she's worried that you won't
99
00:04:05,087 --> 00:04:09,423
'cause you were just
a stunningly poor waitress.
100
00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:10,724
That is not true.
101
00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:12,443
I'm still waiting
on my mini corndogs
102
00:04:12,445 --> 00:04:14,561
from two years ago.
103
00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:18,115
I told you,
they'll be right out.
104
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,568
Okay, so no
Bernadette.
105
00:04:21,570 --> 00:04:24,154
Well, you saw her the
other night. Am I wrong?
106
00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:25,355
No, I just...
107
00:04:25,357 --> 00:04:28,242
I feel kind of uncomfortable
talking about her like this.
108
00:04:28,244 --> 00:04:31,245
Usually when someone's being
talked about behind their back,
109
00:04:31,247 --> 00:04:34,031
it's me and it's right
in front of my face.
110
00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:37,167
I-I'm sorry. I just need
a little break from her.
111
00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:39,203
I understand.
112
00:04:39,205 --> 00:04:43,207
You know, there is
some research that indicates
113
00:04:43,209 --> 00:04:46,376
that sharing negative attitudes
about a third party
114
00:04:46,378 --> 00:04:49,513
can be a powerful bonding force
between two friends.
115
00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:52,382
So, what are
you saying?
116
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:55,102
I'm saying,
in the spirit of science,
117
00:04:55,104 --> 00:04:57,521
what is
that little skank's problem?
118
00:05:01,025 --> 00:05:03,143
So, I've been trying
to come up
119
00:05:03,145 --> 00:05:05,062
with a cute couple's nickname
for me and Emily.
120
00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:06,730
What do you
like better--
121
00:05:06,732 --> 00:05:10,033
Emippali...
122
00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:12,569
or Koothrapemily?
123
00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:16,273
Why is it your last name
and her first name?
124
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,242
Oh, well,
her last name is Sweeney,
125
00:05:18,244 --> 00:05:22,579
and something just didn't seem
right about Koothrapeeney.
126
00:05:24,415 --> 00:05:27,167
Hey, how'd it go
with human resources?
127
00:05:27,169 --> 00:05:28,585
Awful.
128
00:05:28,587 --> 00:05:30,921
Yeah, they're allowing me
to move on from string theory,
129
00:05:30,923 --> 00:05:32,840
but they made me
a junior professor
130
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:35,142
and are requiring me
to teach a class.
131
00:05:35,144 --> 00:05:37,928
I don't understand. Why is it
bad that you have to teach?
132
00:05:37,930 --> 00:05:40,397
What a stupid question.
133
00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:44,768
The kids are
gonna love him.
134
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:46,737
I can't believe
I have to waste my time
135
00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:48,906
babysitting a bunch
of grad students
136
00:05:48,908 --> 00:05:52,910
who probably think dark matter
is what's in their diapers.
137
00:05:52,912 --> 00:05:54,444
This might not be that bad.
138
00:05:54,446 --> 00:05:56,613
Uh, you like telling people
they're wrong.
139
00:05:56,615 --> 00:05:57,948
Wrong!
140
00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:02,452
Just because I enjoyed that one
doesn't mean I always do.
141
00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:05,005
You enjoy giving
people grades.
142
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:09,126
A valid point,
but unoriginal-- B-minus.
143
00:06:09,128 --> 00:06:11,295
And you love the sound
of your own voice.
144
00:06:11,297 --> 00:06:13,046
Yeah, well, of course I do.
145
00:06:13,048 --> 00:06:14,181
Listen to it.
146
00:06:14,183 --> 00:06:17,467
It's like an earful
of melted caramel.
147
00:06:17,469 --> 00:06:19,686
Look, most importantly,
148
00:06:19,688 --> 00:06:22,556
this will let you move on
and study dark matter.
149
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:26,476
It is true that many of
my heroes have taken students
150
00:06:26,478 --> 00:06:27,778
under their wings:
151
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:31,114
Feynman, Einstein, Professor X.
152
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:33,567
Humorously,
153
00:06:33,569 --> 00:06:35,068
in the case of Professor X,
154
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:37,487
some of his students
actually had wings.
155
00:06:37,489 --> 00:06:39,740
That's rich.
156
00:06:40,975 --> 00:06:42,893
I'll use that one
to lighten the mood
157
00:06:42,895 --> 00:06:45,996
after my entire class
fails the midterm.
158
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,719
Measuring starfish
serotonin levels in response
159
00:06:52,721 --> 00:06:56,840
to one point two molar
stimulation of pleasure cells.
160
00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:01,545
You like that, don't you?
161
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,313
That's right, say my name.
162
00:07:03,315 --> 00:07:07,034
(Skype ringtone playing)
163
00:07:07,036 --> 00:07:09,102
Hey.
164
00:07:09,104 --> 00:07:10,854
Hey, what's going on?
Not much.
165
00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,272
You want to get a drink later?
166
00:07:12,274 --> 00:07:13,490
Just the two of us?
167
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,492
No Penny?
168
00:07:14,493 --> 00:07:15,575
Not tonight.
169
00:07:15,577 --> 00:07:16,777
I'm a little frustrated
with her.
170
00:07:16,779 --> 00:07:18,662
Because you got her the job
and you think
171
00:07:18,664 --> 00:07:20,530
she should be working harder
to prepare for it?
172
00:07:20,532 --> 00:07:24,201
So it's not just me.
You see it, too!
173
00:07:25,703 --> 00:07:28,705
I do, I see it.
174
00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:30,324
It's driving me crazy.
175
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:32,175
Just this afternoon,
I saw on Instagram
176
00:07:32,177 --> 00:07:34,594
that instead of studying,
she went out to lunch
177
00:07:34,596 --> 00:07:36,346
and got a manicure.
178
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,883
That's outrageous!
179
00:07:39,885 --> 00:07:41,051
I know!
180
00:07:41,053 --> 00:07:42,386
If she doesn't do well,
181
00:07:42,388 --> 00:07:45,005
Th-this could reflect poorly
on you.
182
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:48,408
Exactly. Does she not realize it
or does she not care?
183
00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,626
I don't know.
184
00:07:49,628 --> 00:07:52,029
The important thing is
I am here for you
185
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:56,233
so we can mutually disparage
this unpleasing third party.
186
00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:04,091
Hey. We just wanted to see
187
00:08:04,093 --> 00:08:05,826
how your class was going.
Where is everybody?
188
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:08,378
There is no class.
189
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:11,631
Did you send everyone to
the principal's office already?
190
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,918
No one signed up.
191
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,636
Well, that's not your fault.
192
00:08:16,638 --> 00:08:19,973
I called the department
secretary to see what happened.
193
00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:23,977
Apparently, I have a reputation
for being obnoxious.
194
00:08:24,812 --> 00:08:27,364
What?
195
00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:30,384
Hey, Sheldon, I'm sorry.
196
00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:32,402
No, it's fine.
197
00:08:32,404 --> 00:08:36,740
Now I can devote all my time
to dark matter.
198
00:08:36,742 --> 00:08:39,743
Aw, you brought cookies
for everyone?
199
00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:41,111
Oh, yes. Fig Newtons.
200
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,864
I was going to ask them:
which scientist both helped
201
00:08:43,866 --> 00:08:47,284
to develop calculus and had
a famous cookie named after him?
202
00:08:47,286 --> 00:08:48,752
And then after
someone said "Newton,"
203
00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:51,121
I was going to tell them
they're wrong.
204
00:08:52,607 --> 00:08:55,792
The cookies are named
after a town in Massachusetts.
205
00:08:55,794 --> 00:08:58,595
And then I'd throw
the cookies away.
206
00:09:00,214 --> 00:09:02,215
Hey, what if I took your class?
207
00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,135
Why would you do that?
208
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:07,137
Yeah, why would you do that?
What's wrong with you?
209
00:09:07,688 --> 00:09:10,023
I'm thinking about
getting my doctorate,
210
00:09:10,025 --> 00:09:11,691
and he wants to teach-- why not?
211
00:09:11,693 --> 00:09:13,360
Oh, Howard.
212
00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:15,479
I appreciate
the gesture,
213
00:09:15,481 --> 00:09:18,148
but this is
a graduate-level physics class.
214
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:21,151
I don't think you'd understand
215
00:09:21,153 --> 00:09:24,204
a single thing
I was talking about.
216
00:09:25,156 --> 00:09:28,041
Ask why not again;
I've got an answer.
217
00:09:28,043 --> 00:09:31,795
Sheldon, I'm more than smart
enough to take your class.
218
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:35,916
(chuckles):
No.
219
00:09:37,418 --> 00:09:38,635
Yes.
220
00:09:40,138 --> 00:09:42,222
How would you determine
the ground state
221
00:09:42,224 --> 00:09:45,342
of a quantum system
with no exact solution?
222
00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,811
I would guess a wave-function
and then vary its parameters
223
00:09:47,813 --> 00:09:49,646
until I found
the lowest energy solution.
224
00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:51,815
Hmm.
225
00:09:52,817 --> 00:09:55,402
Do you know how to integrate
X squared times E
226
00:09:55,404 --> 00:09:57,604
to the minus X,
without looking it up?
227
00:09:58,856 --> 00:09:59,906
I'd use Feynman's trick--
228
00:09:59,908 --> 00:10:01,341
differentiate
under the integral sign.
229
00:10:01,343 --> 00:10:03,693
Okay.
230
00:10:04,529 --> 00:10:06,029
Um...
231
00:10:06,031 --> 00:10:08,415
What is the correct
interpretation
232
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:09,916
of quantum mechanics?
233
00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:11,918
Since every interpretation gives
exactly the same answer
234
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,870
to every measurement,
they are all equally correct.
235
00:10:13,872 --> 00:10:16,206
However, I know you believe in
the Many Worlds Interpretation,
236
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:18,842
so I'll say that. Now do you
think I'm smart enough?
237
00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,763
(chuckles):
No.
238
00:10:25,216 --> 00:10:26,967
Oh, come on.
You might've gone to school
239
00:10:26,969 --> 00:10:29,019
for a couple more years than me,
but guess what--
240
00:10:29,021 --> 00:10:31,054
engineers are just
as smart as physicists.
241
00:10:31,056 --> 00:10:33,557
(gasps)
You take that back!
242
00:10:36,477 --> 00:10:39,196
(mimicking Sheldon):
No.
243
00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:45,740
So, after drinks
with Bernadette,
244
00:10:45,742 --> 00:10:48,743
I get home, and Penny calls
to complain about her.
245
00:10:48,745 --> 00:10:50,378
And then while
I'm talking to Penny,
246
00:10:50,379 --> 00:10:51,795
I get a text from Bernadette.
247
00:10:51,798 --> 00:10:54,749
Wh... I'm trying to prepare
my lesson plan for Howard.
248
00:10:54,751 --> 00:10:57,802
Why are you
telling me this?
249
00:10:57,804 --> 00:11:01,923
Because it's taken 15 years, but
high school is finally awesome!
250
00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:05,594
I love them both,
251
00:11:05,596 --> 00:11:09,481
but I'm in the center now,
and I love that even more.
252
00:11:09,483 --> 00:11:12,267
Amy, please. I am trying
to figure out a way
253
00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:16,271
to intellectually emasculate
a dear friend of mine.
254
00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,573
But I'm just...
Not now.
255
00:11:18,575 --> 00:11:20,241
You better watch
that attitude, buddy.
256
00:11:20,243 --> 00:11:23,411
You're dating the
popular girl now.
257
00:11:26,449 --> 00:11:28,249
Hmm. You're up late.
258
00:11:28,251 --> 00:11:30,952
Oh, I'm working on
my lesson plan for Wolowitz.
259
00:11:30,954 --> 00:11:32,837
He is going to be so lost.
260
00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,874
Look at this section over here.
261
00:11:35,876 --> 00:11:39,210
Even I don't really
understand it.
262
00:11:39,212 --> 00:11:42,180
Sheldon, why are you doing this?
263
00:11:42,182 --> 00:11:43,932
I'm a teacher, Leonard.
264
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:45,266
It's my job.
265
00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:47,135
No, I-I mean,
266
00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:48,970
why are you going
to so much trouble
267
00:11:48,972 --> 00:11:50,772
to prove that you're smarter
than Wolowitz?
268
00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:53,892
Oh, it's no trouble;
it's actually a pleasure.
269
00:11:54,726 --> 00:11:56,860
You want to know what I think?
270
00:11:56,863 --> 00:11:59,948
I think the idea that someone
could be as smart as you,
271
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:02,534
or even smarter,
scares the pants off you,
272
00:12:02,536 --> 00:12:04,202
and you can't deal with it.
273
00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:07,872
Interesting point.
274
00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:09,741
Wh... You're
suggesting
275
00:12:09,743 --> 00:12:12,410
that I have emotional issues
below my consciousness
276
00:12:12,412 --> 00:12:14,062
which drive my behavior,
277
00:12:14,064 --> 00:12:17,048
thus causing me to lash out
at anything or anyone
278
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,617
that threatens
my intellectual superiority.
279
00:12:19,619 --> 00:12:22,253
Might be something
to think about.
280
00:12:23,139 --> 00:12:24,506
Leonard?
281
00:12:24,508 --> 00:12:26,091
Yeah.
282
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,759
Howard's allergic to peanuts.
283
00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:29,844
How can I use that against him?
284
00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:35,150
Hey.
285
00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:39,104
Okay, now that everyone's here,
we can begin.
286
00:12:40,856 --> 00:12:43,675
Before we do,
I just talked to Leonard.
287
00:12:43,677 --> 00:12:44,943
And if you're gonna
288
00:12:44,945 --> 00:12:47,529
spend all your time
trying to belittle me
289
00:12:47,531 --> 00:12:50,415
by making this class
unnecessarily hard,
290
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:52,367
then I'm out.
291
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:53,785
But if you're interested
in making
292
00:12:53,787 --> 00:12:56,538
a sincere effort
to be a good teacher,
293
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:59,340
then I'm willing
to give this a shot.
294
00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:04,429
I suppose that's a fair request.
295
00:13:04,431 --> 00:13:07,882
There's no reason we both can't
benefit from this experience.
296
00:13:07,884 --> 00:13:09,451
Okay.
297
00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:11,519
Okay.
298
00:13:11,521 --> 00:13:13,221
Well, then, uh,
first things first.
299
00:13:13,223 --> 00:13:16,975
Um, are you familiar with
the Brachistochrone problem?
300
00:13:16,977 --> 00:13:18,443
I am.
Good.
301
00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:21,029
And how it relates
to the calculus of variations?
302
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,397
It's an inverted cycloid.
303
00:13:22,399 --> 00:13:23,565
Wonderful.
304
00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:25,867
Now, what about
Euler-Lagrange theorems?
305
00:13:25,869 --> 00:13:27,202
That's where I'm a little fuzzy.
306
00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:29,237
Ha! I knew it! All right.
307
00:13:30,706 --> 00:13:33,742
We have a lot of information
to cover before your first test.
308
00:13:33,744 --> 00:13:36,578
Which, by the way,
is in eight minutes.
309
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:39,214
The good news is I'm
grading on a curve,
310
00:13:39,216 --> 00:13:41,916
so you're pretty much
guaranteed a C.
311
00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:43,718
♪ All I do is win, win, win ♪
312
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,637
♪ No matter what ♪
What are you doing?
313
00:13:45,639 --> 00:13:48,006
♪ Everybody hands go up, up... ♪
314
00:13:48,008 --> 00:13:49,924
♪ And they stay there! ♪
315
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:51,559
What are you doing?
316
00:13:51,561 --> 00:13:52,927
If you're gonna be
a crappy teacher,
317
00:13:52,929 --> 00:13:54,679
then I'm gonna be
a crappy student.
318
00:13:54,681 --> 00:13:56,397
(grunts) ♪ Ludacris going in
on the verse ♪
319
00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:58,566
♪ 'Cause I never been defeated
and I won't stop now... ♪
320
00:13:58,568 --> 00:14:01,436
Will you stop it!
321
00:14:01,438 --> 00:14:02,771
This is a classroom.
322
00:14:02,773 --> 00:14:04,239
This is not American Bandstand.
323
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,190
Okay.
324
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,274
Now, where was I?
325
00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:07,225
Let's see.
326
00:14:07,227 --> 00:14:08,243
Oh, yes. Over here.
327
00:14:08,245 --> 00:14:09,444
You...
328
00:14:10,913 --> 00:14:12,363
What are you doing now?
329
00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:14,182
Making a straw.
330
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:15,233
Why?
331
00:14:15,235 --> 00:14:18,586
So I can shoot you
with a spitball.
332
00:14:19,872 --> 00:14:22,624
You're not going to do that,
and I'll tell you why.
333
00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:24,793
This is an institution
of higher learning,
334
00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:26,461
I am your professor,
335
00:14:26,463 --> 00:14:28,429
and you're going to treat me
with the prop...
336
00:14:28,431 --> 00:14:30,098
(gasps)
337
00:14:33,769 --> 00:14:37,055
You shot your spit in my mouth!
338
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,641
Is that gonna be on the test?
339
00:14:39,643 --> 00:14:41,893
Because I don't think
I can do that again.
340
00:14:44,613 --> 00:14:46,564
Hey, girlfriend.
341
00:14:46,566 --> 00:14:49,818
Can I get a what what?
342
00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:51,786
What?
343
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:53,955
Close enough.
344
00:14:53,957 --> 00:14:56,624
Um, I was just calling to see
what you were up tonight.
345
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:58,743
Thought maybe we could hit up
Color Me Mine,
346
00:14:58,745 --> 00:15:02,080
maybe sneak in
some Pinot Greej. Whatevs.
347
00:15:02,082 --> 00:15:03,998
Uh, thanks, but I think
I'm gonna stay in
348
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,834
and go over the stuff
Bernadette gave me.
349
00:15:05,836 --> 00:15:07,785
Oh. Oh, I hear you.
350
00:15:07,787 --> 00:15:10,371
Try and get that nag
off your back, right?
351
00:15:11,574 --> 00:15:12,941
I mean, you're not a bicycle;
352
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,426
why's she riding you like that?
353
00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:17,545
No, I think she was
just trying to help.
354
00:15:17,547 --> 00:15:20,315
Plus, I really want to do well
at this job. So...
355
00:15:20,317 --> 00:15:21,950
Okay, good luck.
And call me later,
356
00:15:21,952 --> 00:15:24,819
you know, if you decide
she's a bitch or something.
357
00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:32,026
Hey, girlfriend.
358
00:15:32,028 --> 00:15:33,478
Hey, Amy.
359
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,863
Tonight. You, me, Color Me Mine.
360
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:39,033
Maybe we sneak in some Pinot--
make it Color Me Wine.
361
00:15:39,035 --> 00:15:41,336
That sounds fun,
but I promised Penny
362
00:15:41,338 --> 00:15:42,704
I'd come by and help her study.
363
00:15:42,706 --> 00:15:45,506
Oh. Well, good luck
getting her to do that.
364
00:15:45,508 --> 00:15:48,176
She's probably off
getting another manicure.
365
00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:49,844
You remember when she did that?
366
00:15:49,846 --> 00:15:52,163
You remember?
367
00:15:52,165 --> 00:15:54,382
I was probably being
too hard on her.
368
00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,683
We talked, we're good.
369
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:57,302
Oh. Great.
370
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,820
I'm happy for you guys.
371
00:15:58,822 --> 00:16:00,605
You know, when the two of you
aren't getting along,
372
00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:03,691
it puts me in a really
weird position.
373
00:16:03,693 --> 00:16:05,877
Well, don't worry--
everything's back to normal.
374
00:16:05,879 --> 00:16:08,980
You mean, like, where she's nice
to your face? Okay got it. Bye.
375
00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:15,053
Hey, boyfriend.
376
00:16:15,055 --> 00:16:16,571
Can't talk. Spitball.
377
00:16:16,573 --> 00:16:18,373
Probably gonna die.
378
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:19,574
(gargling)
379
00:16:25,214 --> 00:16:26,547
Well?
380
00:16:26,549 --> 00:16:28,416
Sheldon, I-I promise.
381
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:31,719
Your uvula does not have an STD.
382
00:16:33,472 --> 00:16:35,556
Are you sure?
383
00:16:35,558 --> 00:16:39,594
It just doesn't feel as
innocent as it used to.
384
00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:43,815
You reported me
to human resources?
385
00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:47,769
You violated the sanctity
of my mouth.
386
00:16:47,771 --> 00:16:51,072
Well, I dropped your class,
so I hope you're happy.
387
00:16:51,074 --> 00:16:53,741
I told you you weren't
smart enough to take it.
388
00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:54,692
I'm smart enough, Sheldon.
389
00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:55,777
Asking me a bunch of questions
390
00:16:55,779 --> 00:16:56,995
about a topic
I'm not familiar with
391
00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:57,946
doesn't prove anything.
392
00:16:57,948 --> 00:16:59,113
I could do the same to you.
393
00:16:59,115 --> 00:17:00,581
Yeah... Try me.
394
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:03,167
Okay.
(scoffs)
395
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:06,788
You enjoy making fun
of engineering so much;
396
00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:09,874
how do you quantify
the strength of materials?
397
00:17:09,876 --> 00:17:11,492
Young's modulus.
398
00:17:11,494 --> 00:17:13,061
Is that right?
399
00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:15,330
Yeah.
400
00:17:16,665 --> 00:17:20,268
Okay, how do you prevent
eddy currents in a transformer?
401
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:22,520
Laminate the core material.
402
00:17:22,522 --> 00:17:23,604
Come on, give
him a hard one.
403
00:17:23,606 --> 00:17:25,473
That was a hard one.
404
00:17:26,642 --> 00:17:28,309
All right.
405
00:17:28,311 --> 00:17:31,896
How does the flow rate in a pipe
depend on its diameter?
406
00:17:33,148 --> 00:17:36,117
You don't know, do you?
407
00:17:37,152 --> 00:17:38,202
(panting)
408
00:17:38,204 --> 00:17:39,620
What's the matter, smart guy?
409
00:17:39,622 --> 00:17:41,956
Don't know Poiseuille's law?
410
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:44,142
(coughing)
411
00:17:47,629 --> 00:17:50,999
(gasps)
Thank goodness I got it!
412
00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:56,137
Now I can quit
checking my stool.
413
00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:02,760
Okay, what are the
potential side effects
414
00:18:02,762 --> 00:18:04,862
for our erectile
dysfunction drug?
415
00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:07,348
Headaches, dizziness and nausea.
416
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:08,483
Yes.
417
00:18:08,485 --> 00:18:09,817
Those are also the side effects
418
00:18:09,819 --> 00:18:11,986
of having a 75-year-old man
with an erection
419
00:18:11,988 --> 00:18:13,688
climb on top of you.
420
00:18:13,690 --> 00:18:15,690
Want to stop here?
421
00:18:15,692 --> 00:18:17,025
Uh, no.
I can keep going.
422
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,226
Nah, you got this.
423
00:18:18,228 --> 00:18:19,694
Let's go for a drink.
I'll call Amy.
424
00:18:19,696 --> 00:18:22,730
Okay, good. She seemed like she
really wanted to go out tonight.
425
00:18:26,502 --> 00:18:28,703
(ringtone playing)
426
00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,624
Hey, girl.
427
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:42,606
Okay, next question,
for the Butterfinger:
428
00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:45,291
how long is a galactic year
429
00:18:45,293 --> 00:18:46,609
250 million years!
430
00:18:46,611 --> 00:18:47,193
Yes!
431
00:18:47,195 --> 00:18:50,113
(all cheering)
432
00:18:50,115 --> 00:18:54,450
Okay, this one is
for a Cadbury Creme Egg.
433
00:18:54,452 --> 00:18:56,286
(gasps)
It's not even Easter time.
434
00:18:56,288 --> 00:18:58,454
This is crazy!
435
00:18:59,623 --> 00:19:03,927
Which Archimedean solid
has 20 regular triangular faces,
436
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,529
30 square faces,
12 pentagonal faces,
437
00:19:06,531 --> 00:19:10,250
60 vertices and 120 edges?
438
00:19:10,252 --> 00:19:12,635
ALL:
The Rhombicosidodecahedron!
439
00:19:12,637 --> 00:19:13,219
Yes!
440
00:19:13,221 --> 00:19:15,939
(all cheering)
441
00:19:15,941 --> 00:19:17,640
We are so smart!
442
00:19:17,642 --> 00:19:19,359
Why didn't girls like us
in high school?
443
00:19:19,361 --> 00:19:21,488
Because we were awkward and
weird and couldn't play sports!
444
00:19:21,512 --> 00:19:22,643
Right again!
445
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:24,077
(all cheering)
446
00:19:24,078 --> 00:19:30,078
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man