1
00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:06,872
Oh, hey, we ran into your
mom at Benihana last night.
2
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,640
Uh, yeah, she loves that place.
3
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,476
Every time they flip
a shrimp in the air,
4
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,045
she practically leaps out
of her seat to catch it.
5
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,115
That's why I don't take her
to SeaWorld.
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,984
I know you-you don't
want to hear it,
7
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,019
but she was there with Stuart.
8
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,286
That's fine.
9
00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,654
I don't care.
10
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,690
It doesn't bug you when
they go out on dates?
11
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,991
They're not dating.
12
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,961
They're just two friends
who went out to dinner.
13
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:30,796
And then went back
to the home they share
14
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:31,964
where they probably fell asleep
15
00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:33,465
in the matching pajamas
she got them
16
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,101
because they both
just love penguins.
17
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,172
Hey, lots of people
wear matching pajamas
18
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,306
who aren't dating.
19
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:44,109
Like who?
Like you and your dog.
20
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,547
Don't rule out the dating.
21
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,083
Fine, it bothers me.
22
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,152
You happy?
23
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,720
You think you've got problems.
24
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,557
The gibbon is the only member
of the ape family not classified
25
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,360
as a great ape.
26
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,395
How is this helpful?
27
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,998
All the non-human apes
are classified
28
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,599
as great apes except one.
29
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,903
That means taxonomists created
the entire category
30
00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,872
of lesser ape just
to single out the poor gibbon
31
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:16,508
as the weird kid
on the playground.
32
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:20,679
Now there's a hairy little
fellow with a genuine beef.
33
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,582
But the gibbon doesn't know
what it's categorized as.
34
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,184
It doesn't even know
it's called a gibbon.
35
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,186
True.
36
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,688
Sorry, kid, you've got it
worse than a gibbon.
37
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:35,227
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:38,597
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,199
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
40
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:43,068
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,437
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,307
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
43
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,209
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,810
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,384
(knocking on door)
Hi.
46
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,319
Hey.
47
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,620
We brought snacks
for movie night.
48
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,988
Oh, great.
49
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,957
I don't suppose you also brought
napkins, clean bowls,
50
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,758
utensils and a roll
of toilet paper.
51
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,759
Right here.
52
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,795
Ah!
53
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,163
You guys are the best.
54
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,231
What's with the clothes?
55
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,166
Well, with all the new stuff
I bought for work,
56
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,934
I needed to make room
in my closet.
57
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,436
I meant why are they folded?
58
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,738
But whatever.
59
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,241
Ooh, what's this?
60
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,277
That, believe it or not,
is my prom dress.
61
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,446
Wow, you still have it?
62
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,081
I just assumed
it was balled up
63
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:32,384
in the corner
of a barn somewhere.
64
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,356
What kind of teenager
did you think I was?
65
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,224
Slutty.
Easy.
66
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:43,228
The word is "popular."
67
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,498
How was your prom?
Did you go?
68
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,000
No, but I was
on clean-up crew.
69
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:49,635
Aw, that's sad.
70
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,303
No, it was okay.
71
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,872
The DJ let me dance
one slow song with my mop
72
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,175
before he shut down.
73
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,510
Whenever I see
a bucket of dirty water,
74
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:02,281
I still hear "Lady in Red."
75
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,351
My prom was pretty
terrible, too.
76
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,519
I was so excited
about my date,
77
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,354
but it turned out
he only asked me
78
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,322
'cause he liked my friend.
79
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,457
He spent the whole night
talking about her.
80
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:14,860
Okay, we get it, you had
a friend and a date.
81
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,528
Stop bragging.
82
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,330
Doesn't matter.
83
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,682
Prom is silly anyways.
84
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,033
Easy for you to say;
you probably went
85
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,334
with the captain
of the football team.
86
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,503
(scoffs)
No.
87
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,305
I just made out
with him a little
88
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,173
while his date was puking.
89
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:31,376
My date would've had
to clean that up.
90
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,379
Ooh, I have an idea.
91
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:37,349
Maybe we can have,
like, a prom do-over.
92
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,318
Oh, that would be so much fun.
93
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,154
We could decorate the roof
and make the guys wear tuxedos.
94
00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:43,922
Ooh, and get our hair done,
and slow-dance.
95
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,357
Okay, guys, trust me,
96
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,159
as someone who's been to,
like, seven proms,
97
00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:49,361
it is never as good
as you want it to be.
98
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,197
You went to seven proms?
99
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,365
Yeah, let's see.
100
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:56,201
Uh, four "Under the Seas,"
two "Enchanted Evenings,"
101
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,336
and one "Night to Remember"
102
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:00,439
that... I cannot remember
for the life of me.
103
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,243
Hey.
104
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,211
Hey.
Hey, where's
Bernadette?
105
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,680
She and Amy are out dress
shopping for their prom thing.
106
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,449
Oh, yeah,
I got that Evite.
107
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,417
Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink,
108
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,253
I've wanted to go
to an American prom.
109
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,055
But then I saw Carrie,
110
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,791
and I did not want to go
to an American prom.
111
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,093
But then I saw
Never Been Kissed,
112
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,327
and I'm back
on the prom bandwagon.
113
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,698
This prom thing's been
a real roller coaster.
114
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,468
Bernie's really excited.
115
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,737
I-I could tell because
her voice got so high,
116
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,306
the beagle next door
started howling.
117
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,309
Did you go to your prom?
118
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,411
No.
(chuckles)
119
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,647
I had a date
with a proper education.
120
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:47,319
Instead of a tuxedo,
I dressed myself in good habits.
121
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,387
Instead of spiked punch,
122
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,789
I enjoyed the intoxicating
flavor of knowledge.
123
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,425
Instead of
dancing in a gym,
124
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,094
I shook my booty
to the seductive rhythms...
125
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,663
Okay, okay.
126
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,398
...of AP Calculus.
127
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,569
How come you're not shopping
with Amy and Bernadette?
128
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,306
Let me guess, you think
the whole idea is lame?
129
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,840
Well, who cares what I think?
What do you think?
130
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,842
Hmm, to be honest,
131
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:14,012
it's kind of a dream come true
to go to even a fake prom
132
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,447
with a woman
as beautiful as you.
133
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:18,283
Ugh, thanks a lot.
134
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,018
What?
135
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:24,189
Well, now I can't blow this
thing off without being a bitch.
136
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,525
That sounds like a "yes"!
137
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,698
Ooh, every single person
RSVP'd "yes."
138
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,433
This is so exciting!
139
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,868
(higher pitched):
Isn't this exciting?
140
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,403
(dog howls)
141
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,473
Yep.
142
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,842
Look, even Stuart's
bringing a date.
143
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,010
I wonder who it is.
144
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,778
You know exactly
who it is.
145
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,313
He's gonna bring my mom.
146
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,648
Why did you even invite him?
147
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,351
Because he's our friend,
and you two need to get along.
148
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,952
And why can't
he take your mom?
149
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,655
You took her
to your prom.
150
00:05:56,657 --> 00:06:00,692
I didn't "take" her;
she was a chaperone.
151
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,795
I saw a picture of you two
dancing together.
152
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:04,963
W-What was I gonna do?
153
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,398
They were playing our song!
154
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,402
I can't take
this anymore.
155
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,206
(phone rings)
156
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,207
Hello.
157
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,541
WOLOWITZ:
Stuart, we have to talk.
158
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:21,079
This thing with you and my mom,
I-I hate it.
159
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,881
It's making me crazy.
160
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,417
You and I were
friends for years,
161
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,820
and now you're bringing my
mother to a party I'm going to?!
162
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,489
What the hell?!
163
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,891
I'm not bringing your mother,
I have a date.
164
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,394
Oh, so now you're cheating
on my mother?
165
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,332
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
166
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:41,700
Wha-What are you talking about?
167
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,770
There's nothing weird going on
with me and your mother.
168
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,606
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Stewie,
your bath is getting cold!
169
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,809
I got to go, bye.
170
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,580
(knocking on door)
SHELDON:
Penny?
171
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,581
(knocks)
Penny.
172
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,916
(knocks)
Penny.
173
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,384
(knocks)
Penny.
174
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,052
(knocks)
Penny.
175
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,422
You knocked more than usual.
176
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,523
Next time I might be in a rush,
177
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,057
it's good to have
a few in the bank.
178
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,893
Okay, what's up?
179
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,429
I'd like to discuss this party
180
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,797
that Amy and Bernadette
are throwing.
181
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:15,033
Since you and I are both
reluctant to go,
182
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,470
I think I've come up with a
perfect way for us to enjoy it.
183
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:19,905
Great, how?
184
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,973
We pretend we're aliens.
185
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,978
I'm not the best
at reading facial cues,
186
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,648
but I'm gonna say that you love
it and want to hear more.
187
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,585
Now,
in the beloved novel
188
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,487
Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy,
189
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,790
an alien named Ford Prefect
pretended to be human
190
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,127
in order to blend in so that he
could write an entry about Earth
191
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,329
for The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy,
192
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,798
which is a travel book
within the actual book,
193
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,066
which is also called
194
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,769
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy.
195
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,605
Okay, just one question.
196
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:54,739
What?
197
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,244
My point is,
pretending to be an alien is
198
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,513
a valuable coping mechanism
I've used many times.
199
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,483
I did it the first time
I went to see you in a play.
200
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,954
You had no idea
Commander Umfrumf
201
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,989
of Ceti Alpha Three
was in the audience.
202
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,860
Oh, d-don't worry,
he gave you seven thumbs up.
203
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,829
Here's a question--
204
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,099
as an alien pretending to be
human, are you planning
205
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:25,604
to engage in any post-prom
mating rituals with Amy?
206
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,644
There are post-prom
mating rituals?
207
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,045
Not always.
208
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,214
Unless your date drives
a van with an air mattress,
209
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,883
then always.
210
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:43,021
Well, if it's part of the prom
experience, then I'm open to it.
211
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,857
You're kidding.
212
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,527
I may be an alien,
but I have urges.
213
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,832
If Amy wants to copulate
by firing her eggs into space,
214
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,734
well, then,
I will happily catch them
215
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,703
with the reproductive sac
on my upper flermin.
216
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,377
I'm not the best
at reading facial cues,
217
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,913
but I can see that
you're a little turned on.
218
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,818
You know, if you're not
gonna learn how to do this,
219
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,654
they make some
pretty good clip-ons.
220
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:18,890
Bruce Wayne doesn't
wear a clip-on.
221
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:23,428
Bruce Wayne doesn't make
his roommate tie it for him.
222
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,997
His name is Alfred,
and, yes, he does.
223
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,769
There, perfect.
224
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,903
What, are you sure?
225
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,673
It's my first prom,
I want to do it correctly.
226
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,608
I thought you were gonna
pretend to be an alien.
227
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,244
I was, but Penny didn't want to.
228
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,712
You didn't want to.
229
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:44,616
Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali
and Wolowitz didn't want to.
230
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,686
And even I knew it was weird
to hire somebody.
231
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,693
Was that a flask?
232
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:55,927
Yes.
233
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,063
I've decided to embrace
all of the traditions
234
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,665
associated with prom,
including spiking the punch.
235
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,437
You're gonna put alcohol
in the punch?
236
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,973
Oh, no, this is
pomegranate juice.
237
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,609
It's all the fun
of high school high jinks
238
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,712
with the cell-protecting zip
of antioxidants.
239
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,482
If you had ripped jeans
and a leather jacket,
240
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,051
you'd be like the toughest kid
on the Disney Channel.
241
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,889
So, anything else
planned for tonight?
242
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,825
Oh, everything.
243
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,394
Getting our picture taken,
slow-dancing,
244
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,663
being elected prom king.
245
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,734
Pointing out that
kings aren't elected.
246
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,739
It's gonna be off the hook.
247
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,308
And while you're at it,
248
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,810
I know that at this age
your hormones are raging,
249
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,646
but just because all
your friends are having sex
250
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:48,647
doesn't mean you have to.
251
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,851
Why would you say that?
252
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,086
You know, 'cause...
253
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,422
'cause a lot of people lose
their virginity on prom night.
254
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,424
Penny implied the same thing.
255
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,525
Is this true?
256
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,527
Just relax, it's a joke.
257
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,196
You don't have
hormones.
258
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,976
Wow, you look amazing.
259
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,679
Thank you, so do you.
260
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,614
Sheldon,
you look so handsome.
261
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,749
Thank you.
262
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,019
Sheldon, doesn't Amy look hot?
263
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,056
That's got to put some starch
in the upper flermin.
264
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,225
What's that?
265
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,127
Oh, it's a scaly
genital organ
266
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,896
that grows between
his shoulder blades.
267
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,865
Try not to touch it
when you're dancing.
268
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,001
Excuse me.
269
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,335
Where are you going?
270
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,804
I can't do this.
271
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,172
And for your information,
Leonard,
272
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,007
the upper flermin doesn't grow
between my shoulder blades,
273
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,142
it grows out of the belly button
on my neck.
274
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,116
He's right, I was thinking
of the lower flermin.
275
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,089
Ooh, I'll, uh, text Stuart,
let him know we're close.
276
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,924
That's a neat tattoo.
277
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:09,094
Oh, thanks, it's Sally from
Nightmare before Christmas.
278
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,495
Aw, that movie's
so cute.
279
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,564
Do you like her because
you both have red hair?
280
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,333
Uh, a little, but more
that she's covered in scars
281
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,103
and can pull her own limbs off
and sew them back on.
282
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,841
I like Cinderella.
283
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,010
Did you know,
in the original book,
284
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:28,046
the sisters cut off
their toes with knives
285
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,748
in order to fit
in the glass slipper?
286
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,918
I like "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."
287
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,555
Hey, here comes
Stuart and his date.
288
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,623
Oh, she's cute.
289
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,593
Oh, my God.
290
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:42,594
What?
291
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:43,595
That's Jeanie.
292
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,596
That's Jeanie?!
293
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,264
Who's Jeanie?
Don't say it.
294
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,333
That's Howard's cousin
that he had sex with.
295
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,905
She is my second cousin.
296
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:56,374
We were 15... I just said,
"Don't say it."
297
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,143
No, it's okay.
298
00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,978
He told me that story
a long time ago.
299
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,079
Raj!
300
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,247
It was our first date,
301
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,414
there was an
awkward silence.
302
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,950
What was I
supposed to say?
303
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,823
(gasps)
304
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,892
Oh, it's beautiful.
305
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,161
Oh, the girls really
did a nice job.
306
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,328
Aw...
307
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,897
I know I wasn't
into this before,
308
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,299
but I'm so glad I get
to take you to your first prom.
309
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,268
What makes you think
I didn't go to my prom?
310
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,403
I went.
Well, who'd you go with?
311
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:29,274
I took a little lady
I like to call loneliness.
312
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,408
Aw...
313
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,943
Aw, it's all right.
314
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,144
We ended up having a threesome
315
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,846
with her friend humiliation,
so...
316
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,751
Well, if I would have been
there and saw you alone,
317
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:41,019
I would've asked you
to dance.
318
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:41,953
No, you wouldn't have.
319
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,154
Well, you don't
know that.
320
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,689
It was before
my growth spurt.
321
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,857
What, that already happened?
322
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,859
(imitates laughter)
323
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,828
Very funny.
324
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,296
Well, you wouldn't
have asked me either.
325
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,530
I would have asked you.
326
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,431
(scoffs)
327
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,632
In my head.
328
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,301
(chuckles)
329
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,937
On the way home.
330
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,839
While I was having a good cry.
331
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,645
(knocking on door)
332
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,013
Sheldon, can I come in?
333
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,149
I don't think
that's a good idea.
334
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,550
Why not?
335
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,619
According to an online
message board,
336
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,888
I may be having a panic attack.
337
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,957
SoccerMom09 had
similar symptoms.
338
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:24,996
But to be fair, the twins were
a real handful that day.
339
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,464
You're making me worry.
340
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,665
What's going on?
341
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,636
What's going on is we're
about to go to a prom.
342
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,837
And there's
a great deal of pressure
343
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,839
on young couples
like us to engage in
344
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:38,910
what Mr. Bob Eubanks
called making whoopee.
345
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,812
What pressure?
346
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:42,480
All I said was
you look handsome.
347
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,083
Can you please
open the door?
348
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,985
It's not just that.
349
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,587
Leonard and Penny also
made comments about it.
350
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,222
And I'm not blind.
351
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,858
Even I looked twice
when I saw my posterior
352
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,727
in these tuxedo pants.
353
00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:00,765
So, I met Jeanie
at your Aunt Gladys'.
354
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,166
She passed me
the Manischewitz,
355
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,002
I took one look
at this punim,
356
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,971
and I almost plotzed
on the kugel.
357
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,575
Is this what I sound like
when I talk about India?
358
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,247
So, my mother's okay
with this?
359
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,883
Why would your mother have
a problem with me and Stuart?
360
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,920
'Cause they have a weird,
inappropriate relationship.
361
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:25,089
Weirder than what you and I
did in my dad's Corolla?
362
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,794
This is so messed up.
363
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,931
I know, I'm having
the best time.
364
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,633
Why would you even come to this?
365
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,135
Didn't you know I'd be here?
366
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,137
It was a long
time ago, Howard.
367
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,372
And you're only second
cousins, who cares?
368
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,808
So, you knew and you
brought her anyway?
369
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,911
Oh, so she's good enough
for Howard, but not for me?!
370
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:47,946
Yeah.
371
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:48,947
Yeah, go have weird
relationships
372
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:49,981
with your own
mother and cousin.
373
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,982
This is his turf.
374
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,050
Yeah.
375
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,823
Well, I might not have
asked you to dance then,
376
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:01,092
but I will ask you now.
There's no music.
377
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,393
I don't care.
378
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,661
We'll make
our own music.
379
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,663
My God, who's the dork now?
380
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:06,731
(scoffs)
381
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,801
(giggles)
382
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,174
Thank you for
wearing your flats.
383
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,009
Thank you for
wearing your heels.
384
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,080
Mmm.
385
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,514
Look at me.
386
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,918
Dancing with the prettiest
girl at the prom.
387
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,987
Want to take a picture
of us and send it
388
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,656
to your old friends
in the chess club?
389
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,258
I sent them a bikini shot
of you years ago.
390
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,998
This is nice.
391
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,133
I kind of wish
no one else was coming.
392
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:45,036
I know, me, too.
393
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:48,873
But it will be fun to have a
prom without all the drama.
394
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,478
Howie, get off of him!
395
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,748
Not until he stops humping
his way up my family tree!
396
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,486
Sheldon, this is silly.
397
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,021
I'm not missing another prom.
398
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,222
I'm going upstairs now.
399
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,723
Good-bye.
400
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,726
I really did think
you looked pretty.
401
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,561
You did?
402
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,031
Yes.
403
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,233
So much so that
I started to panic.
404
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,235
Well, you can relax.
405
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,838
Just because you think
I look pretty
406
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,041
doesn't mean we have
to spend the night together.
407
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,844
Were you hoping we would
because it's prom?
408
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,113
I'm always hoping.
409
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:34,819
But tonight I just wanted
to have a nice time with you.
410
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,789
And maybe dance
with someone who has arms.
411
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,592
Thank you for understanding.
412
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,895
Of course I understand.
413
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,499
Sheldon,
414
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,501
there's something else
I've been wanting to say,
415
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,503
but before I do,
I just...
416
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:56,240
I want you to know that you
don't have to say it back.
417
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,109
I know you're not ready,
418
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,911
and I don't want you to say it
419
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,279
just because
social convention dictates...
420
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,114
I love you, too.
421
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,920
You said it.
422
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,522
There's no denying
I have feelings for you
423
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,791
that can't be explained
in any other way.
424
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,830
I briefly considered
that I had a brain parasite.
425
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,001
But that seems even
more farfetched.
426
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,006
The only conclusion was love.
427
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,545
I know what's happening.
428
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,483
This is a panic attack.
429
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:41,152
SoccerMom09 says to lie down
with your feet elevated.
430
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,153
Okay.
431
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,222
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
432
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,723
Just because I love you
doesn't mean
433
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,458
girls are allowed in my room.
434
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,340
Okay.
435
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,941
Here we go...
436
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,244
Say "Cheese"!
437
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,149
Say "Cheese"!
438
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,320
Say "Cousin"!
439
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,925
Say...
440
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:21,926
(cell phone rings)
441
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:22,927
Oh, sorry.
442
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,996
Hang on, sorry.
443
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,799
Hey, Debbie.
444
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:32,837
I... Yeah, yeah, I'm
here with Jeanie.
445
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,005
Okay, but we're just friends.
446
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:39,076
It's... Yeah. I got to go.