1
00:00:02,501 --> 00:00:03,969
You're wrong.
No, I'm not.
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,238
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,240
Settle this. Those
little animated pictures
4
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:11,010
on the Internet, are they
called "gifs" or "jifs"?
5
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,411
Well, the G stands
for "graphics."
6
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,413
That's a hard G,
so I'd say "gif."
7
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:17,349
W... The guy who invented
it says it's "jif."
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,919
I'm sorry, do you mean
the guy or the juy?
9
00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:24,156
Well, I'll give you
three guesses
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,091
why I'm so irritated.
11
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:29,728
Something happened different
from the way you wanted it.
12
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,698
I guess news travels fast.
13
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,701
It's true,
a select group of scientists
14
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,269
was invited
to a weekend symposium
15
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,104
at a former home
of Richard Feynman,
16
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,806
and I wasn't included.
17
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,542
Oh, Sheldon, I'm sure it's
not because they don't think
18
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,310
you're an elite
scientist.
Yeah,
19
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:48,947
I bet you anything it's
just 'cause you're
a pain in the ass.
20
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:52,184
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
21
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,220
Look, you can spend
the rest of the day
22
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,990
being bitter about this.
Agreed.
23
00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:01,160
I was gonna say "or,"
but why bother?
24
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:04,730
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
25
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:08,133
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
26
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,701
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
27
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,337
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
28
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,973
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
29
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,576
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
30
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,478
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,313
♪ Bang! ♪
32
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,822
Hey, Raj.
33
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:32,491
Hey, I got you
a little gift.
34
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,993
Oh, that's a lot
of Girl Scout Cookies.
35
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,728
You know me.
I'm from India.
36
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,831
I can't resist children begging.
37
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,367
So, how's it going
with the title to the house?
38
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,368
Great, it's all done.
39
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,403
The lawyer
tracked down my father
40
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,938
and got him to sign it over.
41
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,673
I didn't have to meet him,
I didn't have to talk to him,
42
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,508
I don't even know where he is.
43
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,511
Wow, so you're not curious
at all?
44
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,345
Nope.
45
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,080
Hm. What if he's in prison?
46
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,782
What if he's a spy?
47
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,518
What if he's
in a Beatles cover band?
48
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,088
I'm just saying, if he's got
your nose and haircut,
49
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,157
he'd make a killer Ringo.
50
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,394
Thanks again for
agreeing to do this.
51
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,763
Oh, it's cool; I've never been
on a podcast before.
52
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,632
Well, you picked
a good one to start.
53
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,067
Wil's had lots of great guests.
54
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,602
Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner,
55
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,271
Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden...
56
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,273
Those are Star Trek people.
57
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,374
Yes!
58
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,442
I only figured that out
59
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,943
because I've never heard
of any of them.
60
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,412
I deserve that.
61
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:30,449
I invited you on my show
and I drove here.
62
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,750
Sorry.
63
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,318
Okay, so, this is
basically gonna be
64
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,453
just like a little talk show.
65
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:36,288
Uh, we're gonna take some calls,
66
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,923
we'll talk about what
it was like on the set
67
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,124
of Serial Ape-ist 2.
68
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,292
It should be really fun.
69
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,493
This is exciting.
Yeah.
70
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,794
So, how many people listen?
71
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,229
Most people download it later,
72
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,231
but usually a few thousand
people listen live.
73
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,267
What?! A few thousand people
74
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,502
listen to you talk
about nerd stuff?
75
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,306
Again, right in the ears,
76
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,041
straight to the feelings.
77
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:00,846
Can you please pass the salt?
78
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,614
Sure.
79
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,617
It's not like I was invited
to Richard Feynman's house
80
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,986
and have anything better to do.
81
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,789
Is this how the rest
of the night's going to be?
82
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,058
I don't know the future.
83
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,595
Do you think there's a chance
84
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,530
that an asteroid
could hit the Earth,
85
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,867
destroying Feynman's house
and everyone in it?
86
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,102
No, Sheldon.
87
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:27,539
Then buckle up;
you're in for a cranky night.
88
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,309
According to the codicil
of the Relationship Agreement
89
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,710
which you insisted upon,
90
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,513
we're not allowed to pout
or be moody on date night.
91
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:38,450
You know I just put that in
because of uterus stuff.
92
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,054
Well, it applies to you, too.
93
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,690
I was afraid you might
bring this up,
94
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:47,759
so I have a work-around.
95
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,600
There you go.
96
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,708
As far as you're concerned,
I'm smiling.
97
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,044
Although, I must admit,
I'm smiling a little bit
98
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,213
at the moment because
this loophole is so brilliant.
99
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,584
So, Bernadette, have you thought
100
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,686
about how you're going
to redecorate this place?
101
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,655
You know, I'm thinking
102
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,323
ripping up the carpets,
103
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,992
maybe lose the wallpaper,
104
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,493
all new light fixtures...
105
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,228
You know,
if you knocked out this wall,
106
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,830
it would give you an
open floor plan,
107
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:29,001
and then-- it's a little scary,
but could be fun--
108
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:32,004
indoor fire pit.
109
00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:33,705
(doorbell rings)
110
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,774
Hey, I grew up
in this house, okay?
111
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,677
No one's knocking anything down.
112
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,178
Okay, okay.
113
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,613
When he's at Comic-Con,
114
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,249
I'm bringing in
a wrecking ball.
115
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:47,686
Can I help you?
116
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,088
Hi. Are you Howard Wolowitz?
117
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,556
Yes.
118
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,458
Um, this is a little weird,
119
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,694
but a lawyer was trying
to contact my father,
120
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,063
because his name was still
on the title for this house.
121
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,732
W... uh, who's your father?
122
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,567
Sam Wolowitz.
123
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,935
(chuckles)
124
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,538
S-Sam Wolowitz is my father.
125
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,473
I know.
126
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:12,377
Well, wait, so if we have
the same father...
127
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:13,412
I mean,
128
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,646
are you saying
129
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,747
you're my half-brother?
130
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,549
I think so.
131
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,650
(chuckles)
132
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,786
Bernadette, weird things
are happening out here!
133
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,125
I think I started to suspect
it was a bad movie
134
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,962
when I looked at the script
and saw the title,
135
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:33,765
Serial Ape-ist 2:
136
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,735
Monkey See, Monkey Kill.
137
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:37,836
Uh, spoiler alert:
138
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,772
after the monkey sees, it kills.
139
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,741
Psst.
140
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,643
I've just been handed a note.
141
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,812
I'm going to read it.
142
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:50,015
"Wil, do you want
more Diet Coke?
143
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,052
Also, we have juice."
144
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:58,056
I-I didn't want to interrupt.
145
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,859
Uh, that voice you just heard
146
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,661
belongs to Leonard,
Penny's fiancé.
147
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,696
Uh, Leonard, why don't you grab
some headphones and join us?
148
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,298
Really?
Yeah.
149
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,799
(chuckles) Yeah, great.
150
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,501
So, while Leonard
gets set up,
151
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,002
let's take a call.
152
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,604
Hello, caller, you are on
153
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,006
with Penny and Wil
from Serial Ape-ist 2.
154
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,375
WOMAN:
I don't have a question.
155
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,477
I just want to say
I'm a big fan of the movie.
156
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,011
I've seen it, like, ten times.
157
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,514
Okay, well, I'll apologize
for the first time,
158
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,616
but the other nine are on you.
159
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,318
(chuckles)
160
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,819
Thanks a lot, caller.
161
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,121
You know that the movie
actually has
162
00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:30,222
a little bit
of a cult following.
163
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,456
Really?
Yeah.
164
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,657
I was at
a science-fiction convention,
165
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,961
and I saw a woman dressed
as your half-ape character.
166
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,562
Oh, if she was
167
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,731
with an Indian guy dressed
like a banana,
168
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,200
that was just my friends,
Howard and Raj.
169
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:45,904
All right, it's time
for a very special guest caller,
170
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,672
a friend of mine,
who you probably know
171
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,841
as the director
of such movies as Clerks,
172
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,710
or from podcasts and books
173
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,412
where he often reminds you
that he's the guy
174
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,579
who directed Clerks.
175
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:55,847
Hello, Kevin Smith.
176
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,682
KEVIN: Hey, man,
yo, is everything okay, Wil?
177
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,918
'Cause it's been,
like, two minutes
178
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,821
and you haven't even brought up
Stand By Me.
179
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,857
Hey, Kevin!
180
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,392
It's really exciting
to talk to you.
181
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,693
It really is.
182
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,662
Oh, you guys are very sweet.
So, Penny, listen,
183
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,830
I saw your movie.
184
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,932
Oh, wow. I wish it was better.
185
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,100
Oh, don't worry about it.
186
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,835
Have you seen some
of Kevin's films?
187
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,806
You're cruisin'
for a beatin', Wheaton.
188
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,176
Anyway, man,
I dug the ape movie, Penny.
189
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:26,044
And I thought you were, like,
really great in it.
190
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,179
Aw.
191
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:28,447
You know, I'm in the movie, too.
192
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,015
Yeah, whatever. Penny!
193
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:33,552
Penny, how come you're not
in more stuff, man?
194
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:34,686
I'd cast you in a minute.
195
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,755
Seriously?
Oh, yeah, man.
196
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,523
I'm actually in pre-production
on a movie right now.
197
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,624
Way different
198
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,859
than anything I've ever
done before.
199
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,261
It's called Clerks 3.
200
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,696
You should come over
201
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,698
and read for a part.
202
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,700
Oh, my, I would love that.
203
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,202
You have a new job.
204
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,703
Well, maybe I can do both.
205
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,272
I don't think you can do both.
206
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,741
I don't think I asked you.
207
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,343
Yeah, you tell him, Penny.
208
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:02,948
Stay out of it, Kevin Smith.
209
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,551
Do you think there comes
a point in life
210
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:09,721
when it stops feeling bad
to be left out of things?
211
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,889
Probably not.
212
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,158
It's an evolutionary advantage
213
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,293
to be included
in group activities.
214
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,728
You know what?
215
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,930
I used to be a fan of evolution,
216
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,599
but I've since evolved,
217
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,968
and now I think it's dumb.
218
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,937
Being left out
is a terrible feeling.
219
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,006
No one understands that
better than I do.
220
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,808
Hey, look at that.
221
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:33,011
Even in your example,
you're all by yourself.
222
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,948
When there was
a lice epidemic at my school,
223
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,750
everybody got it except me.
224
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,753
I tried to fool everyone
by sprinkling sugar in my hair,
225
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,856
but I just got attacked by bees.
226
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,093
I can just picture
them all right now
227
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,361
at Feynman's house,
228
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,662
probably discussing Schrodinger
229
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,664
and at the same time,
230
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,799
not discussing Schrodinger.
231
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,601
See?
232
00:08:56,603 --> 00:09:00,539
They're missing out
on hilarious jokes like that.
233
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,607
And at the same time, not.
234
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:06,511
It reminds me of when
my stupid brother and sister
235
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:07,879
would build forts
in the living room
236
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,681
and wouldn't let me in.
237
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,284
I hated that so much.
238
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:14,486
You know,
239
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:15,887
there's nothing I can do
240
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,689
about getting you invited
to the symposium,
241
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,891
but if you wanted...
242
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,593
we could build a fort.
243
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:24,663
Isn't that a little juvenile?
244
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,731
More juvenile than this?
245
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,636
I'll get the blankets.
246
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:32,971
You Google how
to have childlike fun.
247
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,410
You know what,
I'm being a bad host.
248
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:39,744
Let me get some more coffee.
249
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,980
Oh, let me do it, Howard.
No, I got it.
250
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,884
So, Josh, what do you do?
251
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:48,253
I'm studying oceanography
down in San Diego.
252
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,322
Oh, how nice.
253
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:56,828
I loved Finding Nemo.
254
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:57,896
Enough chitchat.
255
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,599
How do we know you are
who you say you are?
256
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,034
Why would I lie?
257
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,003
Okay, you got me there.
258
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,873
You here looking for money?
No.
259
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,376
A kidney, cornea,
piece of his liver?
260
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,777
No.
261
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,746
You're in a Beatles cover band
262
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,816
and you need Howard to replace
your dad as Ringo.
263
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,119
Why don't you help
with the coffee?
264
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,055
Okay, but something
smells fishy.
265
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,123
And not just because
266
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,524
you work around sea animals.
267
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:28,893
That actually
sounds interesting,
268
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,328
and I'd like
to learn more about it.
269
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,733
Hey, you okay?
270
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,234
Not really.
271
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,937
This guy shows up
out of the blue,
272
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,405
and now I have a brother?
273
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,742
My father has another family?
274
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,543
I get it.
275
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,245
What do you want to do?
276
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,247
I don't know. I...
277
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,982
I'd just like him to go away.
278
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,817
I can't deal with this.
279
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,886
All right, I've got your back.
280
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,888
Thank you. Come on.
281
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,624
And I'd like to point out
282
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,861
this wall just provided
a lot of privacy!
283
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,564
I can't believe
my brother's an astronaut.
284
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,333
That's amazing.
What was it like?
Listen, dude,
285
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,734
it's time for you
to hit the road.
286
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:12,137
Hey, hey, the young man asked
a good question.
287
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:19,911
So, for those of you
just tuning in,
288
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,246
we are listening
289
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,481
to a really fun fight
between my costar...
No, no, no.
290
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,849
We're not fighting;
we're just...
291
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,151
having a conversation.
292
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,086
All right.
293
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,989
We're listening
to a really fun conversation
294
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:34,092
between my costar
from Serial Ape-ist 2
295
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,660
and her fiancé,
who doesn't believe
296
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:38,096
women should have dreams.
297
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,001
Give me back that juice.
298
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,937
What is the harm
if I audition?
299
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,372
Well, what if you get it?
300
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,541
I don't know, I make a movie,
301
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,042
become rich and famous,
302
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,444
win an Oscar, a Golden Globe
303
00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:54,379
and live an incredibly
wonderful life.
304
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,082
From a Kevin Smith movie?
305
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,552
KEVIN:
Oh, I'm hanging up now.
306
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,953
Don't you listen
to him, buddy.
307
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,121
You're awesome.
308
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,056
You're one of the greatest
directors of our time.
309
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,759
I don't have
a part for you, Wheaton.
310
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,695
And that was Kevin Smith.
311
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:13,064
Thanks a lot.
312
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,733
I'm just trying to protect you.
313
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:17,068
How many times did I see you
get your heart broken
314
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,837
trying to make it
as an actress?
315
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,405
Okay, instead of protecting me,
why don't you try
316
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,040
being excited when
something good happens?
317
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,476
I'm always excited for you!
318
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,144
I'm excited that you found
this new job
319
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,712
where you're making
decent money.
320
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,914
Decent? I make twice
what you make.
321
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,549
Wait, twice?!
322
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,084
Yeah.
323
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,788
Like, "times two" twice?
324
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,991
For those of you at home,
Leonard just found out
325
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,161
his fiancée makes
way more money than he does.
326
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,730
Let's listen.
327
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,665
I went to school
for half my life.
328
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:48,767
I have a doctorate.
329
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,336
I'm still paying off
college loans.
330
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,437
Well, how much do you owe?
331
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,405
Maybe I can help you out.
332
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,677
Wil, can we just turn off
the podcast for a little bit?
333
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,012
For those of you at home,
334
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,181
I am shaking my head "no."
335
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,123
How's it going, Sheldon?
336
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,826
Wonderful!
337
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,029
I just finished
hanging the lights.
338
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,063
Can I come in?
339
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,099
Yes, oh,
but enter through the side.
340
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,002
Batman is
a load-bearing blanket.
341
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,275
Amazing.
342
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,810
I know.
343
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,144
This isn't the printout.
344
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,113
This is my real face.
345
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,782
What are we doing?
346
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,117
This is a fort.
347
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,452
Let's sit on the floor.
348
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,521
Roughing it? Okay.
349
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,392
(gasps)
350
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,461
Everything looks
so big from down here.
351
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:55,066
This must be
how Leonard feels.
352
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,271
I'm surprised
you could hear me
353
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,073
with this Thin Mint
in your ear!
354
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,575
(laughs)
355
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:05,176
Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
356
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,177
Yeah.
357
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:10,148
Anyway,
I should probably get going.
358
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,516
Howie, have you
noticed how often
359
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,252
people say that
when you start to do magic?
360
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,522
Sorry, I have a long drive.
361
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,325
Well, I hope I get
to see you again.
362
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,026
(chuckles)
I hope so, too.
363
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,597
I've always dreamed of having
a brother to play catch with.
364
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,199
Keep dreaming.
365
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,435
Hey, I threw out the first pitch
366
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,203
at an Angels game.
Wow.
367
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,006
He did it with a robot.
368
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,710
You had sex with a robot?
369
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,012
That's not what she meant.
370
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,380
But technically, yes.
371
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,818
Hang on, if you're making
all this money,
372
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,319
where is it?
373
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,554
In a safe place.
374
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,155
What does that mean,
under your bed?
375
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:52,457
No, it means
376
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,792
a diversified portfolio
of stocks and bonds.
377
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,160
I'm not overly conservative.
378
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:59,964
I'm young, so my guy said I
can afford to take some risks.
379
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,467
Wait a minute, you have "a guy"?
380
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,835
Don't you have a guy?
381
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:06,971
Why would I have a guy?
I don't have any money!
382
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,207
Oh, sweetie,
383
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,476
you should really
get some money.
384
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,711
For those of you listening
at home,
385
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,748
how great is this?
386
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,484
Wil, I'm begging you,
just please turn that off.
387
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,186
Sure.
388
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,155
And we're back.
389
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:27,692
Leonard, why are you making
such a big deal out of this?
390
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,361
So our roles have changed a bit
over the last couple years.
391
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,562
This is the way life is.
392
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,898
And I'm sure in time
they'll change again.
393
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,201
Great, you're not only
more successful than me,
394
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,370
now you're more mature.
395
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,406
Okay, look, would it
make you feel better
396
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:44,776
if I did something dumb like
sneak out of work one day
397
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,245
to go audition for
a Kevin Smith movie?
398
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,514
That would be great, thank you!
399
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,183
I'm just gonna jump
in here real quick.
400
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,785
Leonard, a moment ago,
401
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:57,021
you were dead set against Penny
resuming her acting career,
402
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,589
but now you're all for it.
403
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,793
Is it fair to say that
she played you like a violin?
404
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,430
Yes, it is, Wil.
405
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,134
So, I have to ask,
406
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,470
was the robot sexy?
407
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,539
(chuckles)
It was actually
408
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,208
just a mechanical hand.
409
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,445
'Cause that's all
you need, right?
410
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,014
You are my brother.
411
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,819
Okay, so the final four forts
412
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,288
in the first annual
best fort ever contest,
413
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,457
or "fort off," are...
414
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,892
...Fort Knox,
415
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,227
Fort Ticonderoga,
416
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,896
Fort Sumter and...
417
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:41,032
Fort Cozy McBlanket.
418
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,735
I'd say...
419
00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:45,570
Knox over Ticonderoga
420
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,904
'cause it's got the gold.
421
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,740
Mm-hmm.
And McBlanket over Sumter
422
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:51,509
'cause it has
a higher thread count.
423
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:54,312
(phone rings)
Oh.
424
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,848
10:00.
425
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,182
Date night's over.
426
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,250
Wait, no.
427
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,985
We haven't picked a winner.
428
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,287
We both know
this one's gonna win.
429
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,156
Well, of course we do.
430
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,924
Fort Knox doesn't have a secret
431
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,993
physics lending library.
432
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,296
Come on, I'll help
you take this down.
433
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,364
Well, wait.
434
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,333
What if, just this once,
435
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,668
we suspend
the date night parameters
436
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,438
and you stay later?
437
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:26,444
Well, as long as we're
suspending the parameters,
438
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,046
I could stay really late
439
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,349
and we could have
our first sleepover.
440
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,451
That's a big step.
441
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,587
It's a big fort.
442
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,124
Very well.
443
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,827
I will agree
to a family-friendly,
444
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,396
G-rated, boy-girl sleepover.
445
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,067
PG.
446
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:52,503
Some scenes may be too intense
for younger viewers.
447
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,672
G-rated,
448
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:57,608
with a warning for families
with babies and toddlers.
449
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,779
You got yourself a sleepover.
450
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,348
Do you need to borrow
451
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:05,850
a toothbrush or pajamas?
452
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,885
Would it alarm you to know
453
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,421
that I hid those things here
two years ago
454
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,590
just in case this ever came up?
455
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,427
It would,
456
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,097
but you know how much
I admire preparedness.
457
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,567
How did you know we'd be
in the living room?
458
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,403
Who says this is
the only one I hid?
459
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:37,915
Hello? What is this?
460
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,518
We built a fort!
461
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,753
Are those my sheets?
462
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,123
Yes, they are.
463
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,390
Okay.
464
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,226
Well, you kids have fun.
465
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,393
I'm gonna go to sleep.
466
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:52,196
Leonard, don't you want to see
the inside of the fort?
467
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:53,397
Yeah, I'm good.
468
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,899
Oh, come on.
469
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,101
I really wanted to tell someone
they can't come in.
470
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,769
Okay, fine.
471
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,906
Sheldon, may I please
visit your fort?
472
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,574
I want to say no,
473
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,143
but it's too glorious.
Get in here!
474
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,814
Thank you.
Okay, have a seat on the floor.
475
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,884
SHELDON:
Not there. That's my spot.