1
00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:06,214
(SlNGlNG) The Simpsons

2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,423
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

3
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,510
D'oh !

4
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,637
(SCREAMlNG)
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

5
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,113
Oh, God, l love to smoke.

6
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,323
We're live at the opening
of the latest chapter

7
00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:35,118
of the epic space saga,
Cosmic Wars.

8
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,121
And the nerds
have emerged from
their basements,

9
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,331
wearing strange costumes
to shield

10
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,458
their pasty skin
from the moonlight.

11
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,753
Simpsons, your lack
of costumes ill befits

12
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,297
line positions two,
three and four.

13
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,049
Where's your costume?

14
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,718
Your ignorance
is amusing and sad.

15
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:55,179
l am dressed in
the actual clothing
worn by Cosmic Wars

16
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,014
creator Randall Curtis.

17
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,391
l bought them at auction,

18
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,936
then added pregnancy panels
to fit my unique body type.

19
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,980
One ticket
for the space show.

20
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,357
l want to see
if any of them aliens

21
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:08,609
match up to the one
l got in my root cellar.

22
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,447
One ticket for Cosmic Wars.

23
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:16,033
Uh, sir, this is the line for
The Momentum of Things,

24
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,119
starring Ellen Burstyn
and Jim Broadbent.

25
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,289
Oh, man ! l waited
three weeks at the
wrong ticket window!

26
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,166
MAN: Oh, boy. . .

27
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,377
Man, even l think
movie popcorn
has gotten too big.

28
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,671
Ow!
Get your own, mooch !

29
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,841
JEFF: Yes! Finally.

30
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,944
"Amendments"?
"Regulatory agencies"?

31
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,404
What the farq butt?

32
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:55,114
Don't worry.
They're just
getting the plot

33
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,741
out of the way so it
won't slow down the. . .

34
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,451
(lMlTATES LlGHTSABER FlRlNG)

35
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,869
(lMlTATES
LlGHTSABER WHOOSHlNG)

36
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:01,788
(ROARS)

37
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:06,209
Before
the Galactic Senate votes,
we shall call roll.

38
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,502
Star System Avatan.

39
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,669
Here.

40
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,463
Star System Acroilius.

41
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,798
ACROlLlUS SENATOR:
Mugong-mugong.

42
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,427
Star System Trebulon Prime.

43
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,848
Whoa, mama!
Finally some action !

44
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,979
Mr. Chairman, l propose
a proceduraI amendment

45
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,649
to Space Bill number 371 .

46
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,651
You'll wait your turn !

47
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:32,902
Very weII.

48
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,660
Trebulon Minor.

49
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:44,080
Oh, l'm so bored.
Maybe l'll clean out
my wallet.

50
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:49,043
Hey, my car insurance
expired quite a while ago.

51
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,127
(CHUCKLES)

52
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,341
Son, if you don't
dig more coaI,

53
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,426
they'II put you on
the dynamite gang.

54
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,428
No dynamite!

55
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:00,763
(SOBBlNG)

56
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,225
l didn't realize
British coal miners
had it so bad.

57
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,769
There's blood on your hands,
Mrs. Thatcher!

58
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,146
(SNORlNG)

59
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,359
Jim-Jam, what happened
to the wheel covers of
my landing gear?

60
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:17,446
Me-sa sell them
to buy me-sa some
space spliff.

61
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,409
That character is
just a tired stereotype.

62
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,828
Yes. And it's making me
so mad,

63
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,455
how am l gonna throw
the meatballs at the screen?

64
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,792
But first, l gotta pose
for a pizza box.

65
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:36,966
The decision is final.
Tabled this motion is.
Or is it?

66
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,682
That sucked !

67
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:48,728
l can't believe
The Gathering Shadow
was senate redistricting.

68
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:54,483
Worst Cosmic Wars ever!
l will only see it
three more times today.

69
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,527
That's it!

70
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,863
From now on, l'm not
looking forward to anything !

71
00:03:58,989 --> 00:03:59,989
Oh, my God !

72
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,658
Tomorrow,
there's a two-for-one sale
on piano benches!

73
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,910
l can't wait!

74
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,411
Ooh, ooh, ooh !

75
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,080
l feel so ripped off
by that crappy movie.

76
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,916
l'm gonna chip
a big hole in the floor.

77
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,252
Kids, why don't you
write a complaint letter?

78
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,921
That's how l got
the Channel 6 weather girl

79
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,589
to start wearing a bra.

80
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,049
That was you?

81
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,133
Mmm-hmm.

82
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,386
A letter, huh?
Okay, Lise. Get this down.

83
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,305
"Dear Randall Curtis,

84
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,767
"your movie
stunk smelly butt.
l am fine. Sincerely. . ."

85
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,226
l'll write the letter.

86
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,938
Marge, you destroyed
my interest in weather!

87
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,943
"Dear Cosmic Wars fan,
l'm glad you loved my film.

88
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:41,030
"Here's a photo of
your favorite new character,
Jim-Jam Bonks.

89
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,824
"May the power
be on your side,
Randall Curtis."

90
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,077
He ignored our criticisms!

91
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,912
We're gonna have to
track Randall Curtis down

92
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,664
and make him listen to us.

93
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,874
And l know just
where to find him.

94
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,377
742 Evergreen Terrace.

95
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,212
Dad, that's our address.

96
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,421
Ah ! He's in the house?

97
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,547
No.

98
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,426
He lives
at the Cosmic Wars Ranch
in Northern California.

99
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,511
(lN UNlSON)
Can we go? Can we go?

100
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,637
Please, please, please,
please, please?

101
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,599
Well, Northern California
is wine country.
We could take a tour.

102
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:11,727
And it's a perfect time.
l just got fired again.

103
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:18,109
Enjoy your tour.
And take it easy
on Mr. Curtis.

104
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,694
Your father and l
will be across the street

105
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,362
at the Lush Valley Winery.

106
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,781
Marge, are you sure
we should go
drinking together?

107
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:26,033
l mean, who am l gonna
complain about
while l'm drinking?

108
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:29,161
We should do more together.
You're my best friend, Homie.

109
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,454
Well, yeah, legally.

110
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:33,165
But if we're
really best friends,
how come we never play hoops?

111
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,834
The doctor said
if you tried running again,

112
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,419
your ankles would shatter.

113
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,255
All right.
We'll go on the winery tour.

114
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,339
But you have
to catch me first!

115
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,424
(SNAPPlNG)
(SCREAMS lN PAlN)

116
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,758
Oh, my ankle snapped !

117
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:49,265
This is the Creature Works,
where if you dream it,
we can make it.

118
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,559
Unless it has
too many fingers,
which are tough.

119
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,561
TOURlST: Where's the aliens?

120
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,939
Who knows what
fantastic creature
these two men are creating?

121
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,983
lt's a hip-hop loaf
of garlic bread

122
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,401
for an
Olive Garden commercial.

123
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,738
(RAPPlNG) Yo, yo, yo!
Entrees start at $6.95

124
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,740
Offer not good
on a Sunday, fool

125
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,533
Come on, Bart.
Here's our chance.

126
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,785
But the bread's
still dancing.

127
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:15,291
The Mediterranean climate
is reproduced by
cool Pacific winds

128
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,668
mixed with exhaust fumes
from the highway.

129
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,003
(HONKlNG)

130
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,214
Ah. Summer in Tuscany.

131
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:27,970
Mmm. . .

132
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,848
lt goes great with
the Jolly Rancher
l'm sucking on.

133
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,810
Pleasant aroma,
rich, full body, well-aged

134
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,228
and the wine's
not bad either.

135
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,646
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

136
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,649
Oh, stop it, Seinfeld.

137
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,734
(CHUCKLlNG)

138
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,155
We always get
the hicks on Saturdays.

139
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,159
"Lord Krylac, if you
want to take that deduction,

140
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,661
"then you'll have to
bring your receipts."

141
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,331
"Then bring them, l shall."

142
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,665
This is awesome!

143
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,418
Hey, what are
you doing here?

144
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:00,795
We come from the real world.

145
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,839
And we're here to tell you
that your movies
have lost their way.

146
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,216
No, they haven't.

147
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,551
My characters are
getting better all the time

148
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,387
now that we've perfected
digital eyelash rendering.

149
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,265
Better technology
doesn't mean
better storytelling.

150
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,684
Well, now l know
you're crazy.

151
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,813
Wait. Before you
have us killed, hear us out.

152
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,273
l will wait 1 0 of
your Earth seconds.

153
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,692
Your early movies
are timeless classics.

154
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,945
Please, Mr. Curtis,
go back to what

155
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,863
made your first
films so great.

156
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,116
You know what? You're right.

157
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,952
l'm going back to my roots.

158
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:37,039
Plots and characters
lifted from westerns
and samurai films.

159
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,791
To the video store!

160
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,503
Kids, please accept
these boxes of
Jim-Jam cereal.

161
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,714
lt's just
Alpha-Bits with extra J's.

162
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,717
Hyah !

163
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,392
Well, we've learned
if you don't like something,

164
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,935
just go to
the office and complain.

165
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,145
What's our next stop?

166
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,187
"Fox Broadcasting,

167
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:03,566
"1 0201 West Pico,
Building 203."

168
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:06,735
l drank this much !
(LAUGHS DRUNKENLY)

169
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,363
Mom's not gonna like this.

170
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,408
Don't tell Mama
what Mama don't like.

171
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,910
Come here, you big lug.

172
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,037
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

173
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,207
Wow. Mom and Dad
sure are having fun.

174
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,293
Hey, as long as
they're not hurting anybody.

175
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,377
Uh-oh.

176
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,461
Whoa.

177
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,425
l will give you money.
Okay, l am going to tell.

178
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,600
Homie, to store
the extra wine we bought,
l made a little wine cellar.

179
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:38,976
Ooh ! Can l have
my special cup?

180
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,896
Well, l've been using it
for laundry soap, but, okay.

181
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,610
Homie, you are so cute.

182
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:48,986
(GlGGLlNG)

183
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,405
Oh, honey,
l love to hear you laugh.

184
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,740
(lMlTATES MARGE GlGGLlNG)

185
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,742
l don't talk like that.

186
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,702
(lMlTATlNG MARGE)
Yes, you do.

187
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,330
Well, you talk like,
(lMlTATlNG HOMER)
"Oh, Marge,

188
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,082
"sorry l set the bed
on fire. D'oh !"

189
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,793
(LAUGHlNG)

190
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,796
Hey, you do
a great me, Marge.

191
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,298
You gotta show
the guys at Moe's!

192
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,133
Moe's Tavern?

193
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,553
That's your fun place,
like me and the lamp store.

194
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,889
(CHUCKLES) Come on.
We'll have a blast.

195
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,933
Kids, while we're out,
the TV's in charge.

196
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,017
Go to bed when it says.

197
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,270
Two glasses of wine, Moe.

198
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,940
Wine? Geez,
no one ever orders that.

199
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,609
Um. . . All l got's
this old stuff here.

200
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,572
Chateau Latour 1 886.

201
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,865
l should just
throw this out.

202
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,492
No. lt'll have to do.

203
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,000
That'll be four bucks.

204
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,713
Now, in a step l perhaps
should've taken initially,

205
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,924
let me look up
the value of that bottle

206
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,134
in this wine
collector's guide here.

207
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,470
Oh, what have l done?

208
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,848
Let me dry my tears
with this lost
Shakespeare play.

209
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,183
(SOBBlNG)

210
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,560
Come here, you little. . .

211
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:04,687
(GlGGLlNG) Oh !

212
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,106
Did you guys get home
at 2:00 last night?

213
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,609
Yup. Your mother and l
have become a legendary
party couple,

214
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,028
like Scott and Zelda Munster.

215
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,947
The best part is
l don't have to ask

216
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,782
your father where
he was all night,

217
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,075
because l was there.

218
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,786
Why are your keys
in my scrambled eggs?

219
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,371
And why is Krusty
on the couch?

220
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:28,252
This'll cover what
l did to the fireplace.
(GROANS)

221
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:32,840
(SlNGlNG) We're aII aIone
No chaperone
can get our number

222
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:36,760
The world's in slumber,
let's misbehave

223
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:44,476
(MARGE GROANS)

224
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,228
My head.

225
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,939
(CHlRPlNG)
(GROANlNG)

226
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,232
(TlCKlNG LOUDLY)

227
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:53,819
(DRlPPlNG LOUDLY)

228
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:56,905
(LOUD BRUSHlNG)

229
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,074
(STOMPlNG)

230
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,746
(DOOR CREAKlNG)

231
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,124
You have to make
such an unholy racket?

232
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,793
Sorry, Marge.
l gotta break in my
ski boots sometime.

233
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:14,048
Maybe we should put this
booze cruise in
dry dock for awhile.

234
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:17,468
No problem.
We can still have fun
without you drinking.

235
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,763
Okay. And maybe you
could cut back, too.

236
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,182
You got it!
And when l feel weak,

237
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,351
l will draw
strength from the Bible.

238
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,274
(STOMACH GRUMBLlNG)
Uh-oh.

239
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,777
Here comes the gospel
according to puke!

240
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:40,324
l hope l can still have fun
while everyone else
is drinking.

241
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,034
Don't worry, honey.
l don't even know

242
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,660
if they serve
alcohol at this thing.

243
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,454
(FESTlVE MUSlC PLAYlNG)

244
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,886
Duffmensch
orders you to party!

245
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,972
This Reich will
last a thousand beers.

246
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,265
Oh ja!

247
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,394
l do this and l'm Jewish.

248
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,938
Eins, zwei, drei, beer!

249
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,106
(SlGHS)

250
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,859
The Germans.
You just can't
stay mad at 'em.

251
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,195
Well, l don't want
to be a Gloom-Hilda.

252
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,656
l guess one beer won't hurt.

253
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,368
lsn't that a little big?

254
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,619
You can just nurse it!

255
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,038
(SLURPS)

256
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,332
Nurse it. Nurse it.

257
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:37,047
Have you ever
walked on stilts?
lt's not that great.

258
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,843
Yes. And you've said that
several times now.

259
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,971
Why do people
worry about stuff?

260
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,973
lt's all gonna work out.

261
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:50,894
All good points. Sleep tight,
my drunken angel.

262
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,610
(HONKlNG)

263
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,114
l'm in no condition to drive.

264
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:07,411
Wait! l shouldn't
listen to myself.
l'm drunk!

265
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,705
(TlRES SQUEAL)

266
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,375
Okay, okay.
Remember the rules
for drinking and driving.

267
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,669
Drive slow, but not too slow.

268
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,380
Drink some cola to
keep yourself alert.

269
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,175
What the. . .

270
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,260
(GROANS)

271
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,889
Nice work, cruise control.

272
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,140
Are we home yet?

273
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,224
ln a minute, honey.

274
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,434
(SlREN BLARlNG)
(GASPS)

275
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:34,188
Oh, my God !
lf l get one more DUl,
they'll take away my license!

276
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,774
And what will l leave
when l rent rollerblades?

277
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,237
(GASPS)

278
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,831
(SNlFFS)
Oh, boy. l smell beer.

279
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,501
(CLlCKS TONGUE)
Devil's mouthwash.

280
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,669
You weren't calling it that
at the Christmas party.

281
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,463
Okay. l'm gonna need you
to let that go, Chief.

282
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,589
Oh, my God !

283
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,592
This DUl is a She-Ul !

284
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,636
Oh, no! (HlCCUPPlNG)

285
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:10,766
l'm gonna be. . .
l'm going to jail.

286
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,851
(TWlG SNAPS)

287
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:13,894
What was that?

288
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,187
Maybe someone else is here.

289
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,942
And maybe he'll step forward
and admit to being
the real culprit.

290
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,860
(WHlSTLlNG)

291
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,362
(CAWlNG)

292
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,405
This is a new low for me.

293
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,950
(WHlSTLlNG AND CAWlNG)

294
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,666
l paid your bail, honey.

295
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,084
You're free to go.

296
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,378
l can't believe
l drove drunk.

297
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:40,921
But you do
believe it, right?

298
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,965
l don't know what
to believe anymore.

299
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,883
That's my girl.

300
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,760
Just take me home.

301
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,887
Where's your
wife tonight, Homer?

302
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,014
She's not coming anymore.
What?

303
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,100
lt's 'cause of her
l put in a bidet!

304
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,186
Well, it's actually
just a stepladder by
the water fountain.

305
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,525
Listen, Moe. l did
something really terrible
to someone l love.

306
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,569
Hey, look. l've been
in the bartender business

307
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,571
for a long time, all right?

308
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:06,655
l've heard it all.

309
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,450
Well, what l did was l. . .
(WHlSPERlNG)

310
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,035
(EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST)

311
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,370
What are you?
You're like a monster!

312
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,623
That's like the worst thing
l've ever heard
anybody do to anybody!

313
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:20,502
You should be drinking
watered-down beer
in a chipped glass

314
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,921
on a stool with a nail
sticking up out of it!

315
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,131
You know what?

316
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,926
(SOBBlNG)

317
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,262
Can l have some peanuts?

318
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,181
All right. But l get to
poke you with a stick.

319
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,808
(GRUNTS lN PAlN)

320
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,185
So, hey, did you see
the game last night?

321
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,691
The blood of Christ.

322
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,445
Hey, save some for
the rest of us, alkie!

323
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,904
Don't bogart our Lord !

324
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,865
l'm not a drunk!
(CHUCKLES)

325
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,534
Now, Marge,
we do not judge here.

326
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,120
Today's service
is concluded.

327
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,248
l suggest you all
get on the road before Marge.

328
00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,374
(ALL SCREAM)

329
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,542
(GROANS)

330
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,545
Marge, when l finally
decided to stop drinking,

331
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,881
there was a place that
really helped me out.

332
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:07,299
Maybe they can help you.

333
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,886
MARGE: This is
a pamphlet for
chimney sweeping.

334
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,723
ls it, Marge?
ls it? Oh, it is.

335
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,643
Here you go.
This place is great.

336
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,394
They cured me five times!

337
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,483
My drinking problem
is out of control.

338
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,569
At Oktoberfest,
all l could
think about was beer.

339
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:31,573
l couldn't even
celebrate the harvest!

340
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,701
l can't talk to
my wife for 28 days?

341
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,453
Sir, she is not
an alcoholic.

342
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,246
You can't put me on hold !

343
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,665
l'll put you on hold !

344
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,960
(SlNGlNG) I am a Iineman
for the county

345
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:47,172
Your call is important to us.
Please continue to hold.

346
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,676
And l drive the main road

347
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:53,637
There are eight calls
ahead of you.

348
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:59,685
And the Wichita lineman
is still on the

349
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:04,648
(VOCALlZlNG)

350
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,108
line

351
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,069
Dad, l still have a couple
of questions about this.

352
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,238
Mom never drives drunk.

353
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,490
And the crash
was in your car.

354
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,451
Also, the driver's seat was
adjusted for your stomach.

355
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,205
Lisa, Lisa, your suspicions
are important to me

356
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,165
and will be answered
in the order received.

357
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,794
MacArthur Park is
meIting in the dark

358
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:30,215
All that sweet
green icing roIIing down

359
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,884
Someone left my
cake out in the...

360
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,138
(VOCALlZlNG)

361
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,601
(SHOUTS)
(DOOR SLAMS)

362
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,062
You know how some
people are chocoholics?

363
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,564
Well, l'm an alcoholic.

364
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,690
(ALL GASP)

365
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,317
Look, l'm not sure
this place is working.

366
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,237
The drinkers are smoking.
The smokers are drinking.

367
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,323
And the gamblers
are having sex with
everything that moves.

368
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,076
Hey, baby, do you want
to play Caribbean stud?

369
00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,536
l'll show you
what l'm holding.

370
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:00,912
Get away from me!

371
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,123
Your loss, stupid lady.

372
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,334
Flanders, can you
watch my kids while
l'm at the rehab clinic?

373
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:09,588
Oh, thank God you're finally
fighting your demons!

374
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,007
My demons and l
are closer than ever.

375
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,885
Next year, we're gonna visit
every Major League
Baseball park.

376
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,220
l'm just going in
to bust Marge out.

377
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,598
Well, that's good, too,
l guess.

378
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,600
Feed my pets
and tape my shows!

379
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,730
(FUNNY VOlCE)
l'm here to deliver a package
to Marge Simpson.

380
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,274
Where's the package?

381
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,527
Damn it!
Homer?

382
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,405
Marge, l have
an awful confession to make.

383
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:38,283
You didn't crash that car.
lt was me!

384
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,453
l put you behind the wheel,
and l'm so, so, so sorry!

385
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:45,290
You let me believe
that l'd done such
a terrible thing?

386
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:49,044
Marge, l did it out of love!
Love of not being arrested !

387
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,547
l realize now that nothing
is more important than you.

388
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:55,383
l can't believe
you did that to me!

389
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,554
That woman means
the world to me.

390
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,598
Would it be all right
if l read from my Bible?

391
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:02,724
Of course.

392
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,602
(GULPS)

393
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,896
No wonder they
call it the Good Book.

394
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:14,236
l am so cheesed off!
l need a drink!

395
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,988
Then you should thank God
you're in a rehab center,

396
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,156
'cause we're packin'!

397
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:25,080
Yar. A couple of these
and your first mate turns
into Reese Witherspoon.

398
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,501
Pour me another!

399
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,002
Just take the whole leg.

400
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,590
What's with all those
rapping grannies
in the movies?

401
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,969
lf l ever start rapping,
just shoot me in the head.

402
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,096
How you doing, Big Blue?

403
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,516
Well, l feel a buzz,
but l don't feel happier.

404
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,309
Not like when l was
drinking with Homer.

405
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,104
Maybe it wasn't
the alcohol you liked.

406
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,566
Hey, you are right!

407
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:56,194
What l enjoyed was spending
time with my husband !

408
00:19:56,279 --> 00:20:00,574
You're hooked on love, Marge.
l know that feeling.

409
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,451
Nine months later,
Seymour plopped out of me.

410
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,122
l would've kept walking,
but there were
cops everywhere.

411
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,959
Well, l love my husband.
And l'm glad l do.

412
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:15,005
My name is Marge S.
and l'm a Homer-holic!

413
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,549
Hey,
you're drinking Homer-hol?
l'll take a swig.

414
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:21,011
l'm afraid what
l like can't be swallowed,
sniffed or smoked.

415
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,346
Hmm. Then you better
inject it between my toes,

416
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,473
because my mom
checks my arms.

417
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,684
Thanks for everything, Kyle.

418
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:30,145
Yes. l really don't think
you two should leave.

419
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,189
He's a chronic alcoholic,
and you're in
complete denial.

420
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,234
Aw, shut up,
Captain Bringdown !

421
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,652
(GRUNTS)

422
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,907
Homie,
l want you to promise me

423
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,992
you'll cut down
on the drinking.

424
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,330
Okay, Marge.
For you, l'll give up
rum-based cocktails,

425
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,623
except mojitos
and rum and Cokes.

426
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,875
Well, that's no promise
at all.

427
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,628
lt's important
for me to see you
take at least one step.

428
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,713
Then maybe we can have
some memories together

429
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,673
that aren't just
a nauseous blur.

430
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:07,390
All right. For you,
l will give up
all clear liquors.

431
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,684
Really? Even Zima?

432
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,895
Hey, l only drink that
when l'm already drunk.

433
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,355
You really mean it?

434
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:17,692
Hey, anything's possible
with a little help
from my Bible.

435
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,154
Oh, no! lt's a real one!

436
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,697
No!

437
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,991
Why, God? Why?

438
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,294
English - US - PSDH