1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800
English Subtitles, renamed for "LP" WebDL release :)
Two and a Half Men S03E07 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop - Web-DL [KoTuWa]

2
00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:04,962
Oh, this is gonna be so great.

3
00:00:05,129 --> 00:00:07,381
Are you guys as excited as I am?

4
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,260
Probably not.

5
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:12,887
Okay.

6
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:36,160
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

7
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,454
You guys are the best.

8
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,414
Is this a chocolate fudge cake?

9
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,458
You tell us, you brought it.

10
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,002
Make a wish
and blow out the candles.

11
00:00:45,169 --> 00:00:46,837
Oh, right, right.

12
00:00:47,004 --> 00:00:48,965
I wish this was chocolate fudge.

13
00:00:51,884 --> 00:00:54,345
Okay, now it's time for party games.

14
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,681
I've got one.

15
00:00:58,557 --> 00:01:03,187
It's called Drink Until This Night
Makes Some Sort of Sense.

16
00:01:03,562 --> 00:01:04,981
I'll go first.

17
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:10,987
Nope, not yet.

18
00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:13,823
Round two.

19
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,249
Uncle Charlie?

20
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,583
Go away.

21
00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:27,169
Have you seen my iPod?

22
00:01:27,336 --> 00:01:28,379
No.

23
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,214
What about you, Rose?

24
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,177
No. Sorry, Jake.

25
00:01:35,344 --> 00:01:38,014
Oh, man.

26
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,899
Good morning, sleepyhead.

27
00:01:49,358 --> 00:01:51,360
Morning.

28
00:01:51,527 --> 00:01:53,279
So.

29
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,823
What's new?

30
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:23,308
That's good coffee.

31
00:02:24,893 --> 00:02:27,688
- Good morning.
- It's getting there.

32
00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:32,192
- Whose birthday cake?
- Rose.

33
00:02:32,359 --> 00:02:33,610
Oh, surprise party?

34
00:02:33,777 --> 00:02:36,446
No, I think she saw it coming.

35
00:02:38,407 --> 00:02:39,449
- Morning.
- Morning.

36
00:02:39,616 --> 00:02:41,076
Hey. Coffee?

37
00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:42,786
Can you make it to go?

38
00:02:43,245 --> 00:02:44,287
To go?

39
00:02:44,454 --> 00:02:47,582
Yeah, the thing is,
I made a little boo-boo.

40
00:02:47,749 --> 00:02:49,251
- A boo-boo?
- A boo-boo.

41
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:53,005
Anyway, I may have to leave town
for a few days.

42
00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:55,173
Why? What did you do?

43
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,384
Rose.

44
00:02:58,510 --> 00:02:59,553
What?

45
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,890
I did Rose.

46
00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:07,269
Wait. You had sex with Rose?
Are you insane?

47
00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:09,062
Moot point, Alan.

48
00:03:09,229 --> 00:03:12,232
What I have to do is find my passport
and head for the border.

49
00:03:12,399 --> 00:03:15,986
What you have to do is tell Rose
that I was drunk and I'm sorry...

50
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:20,699
and that there's no reason to hunt me
down and glue my testicles to my thigh.

51
00:03:21,116 --> 00:03:22,451
Again.

52
00:03:22,617 --> 00:03:26,496
I'll tell you now, you're swabbing on
your own nail polish remover this time.

53
00:03:26,663 --> 00:03:29,124
That wasn't pleasant
for either of us, Berta.

54
00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:31,793
- What the hell were you thinking?
- Thinking?

55
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,253
There was no thinking.

56
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:36,298
We had tequila shots,
were talking, having a nice evening...

57
00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:38,425
and somebody suggested
a sponge bath.

58
00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:41,178
- Somebody?
- Lt might have been me.

59
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:44,556
The next thing I know, Jake
is waking us up looking for his iPod.

60
00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:46,683
Wait, Jake saw you in bed with Rose?

61
00:03:47,976 --> 00:03:49,019
No.

62
00:03:50,729 --> 00:03:52,272
Oh, great, great. That's great.

63
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,691
- What am I gonna tell him?
- Who cares? He's 11.

64
00:03:54,858 --> 00:03:56,777
He'll get over it.

65
00:03:56,943 --> 00:03:59,696
I'm the one who still has a bald patch
on my scrotum.

66
00:04:01,698 --> 00:04:05,619
And let me tell you,
the comb-over isn't fooling anybody.

67
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:10,207
- Morning.
- Oh, hey, look, it's Rose.

68
00:04:10,373 --> 00:04:12,959
- Morning, Rose.
- Hey, birthday girl.

69
00:04:13,126 --> 00:04:14,878
You get anything good last night?

70
00:04:16,796 --> 00:04:18,256
It was a wonderful party.

71
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,217
Isn't that nice.

72
00:04:20,383 --> 00:04:21,593
Can I get you anything?

73
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,971
Coffee, orange juice,
industrial strength adhesive?

74
00:04:26,181 --> 00:04:29,142
No, I can't stay.
I'm having a birthday lunch with my dad.

75
00:04:29,309 --> 00:04:32,103
Well, that's great.
Not that I'm anxious for you to leave.

76
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,481
It's great you're gonna
spend time with dad.

77
00:04:35,106 --> 00:04:37,984
Dads are great. I like the word "dad"
better than "father."

78
00:04:38,151 --> 00:04:41,071
If Hitler had called Germany
dadland instead of fatherland...

79
00:04:41,238 --> 00:04:43,281
it would have been
a friendlier country.

80
00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:45,492
- Charlie.
- Yes?

81
00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:47,452
- You're acting crazy.
- Am I?

82
00:04:47,619 --> 00:04:50,247
Hey, if anybody knows.

83
00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:53,959
I understand last night
was just one of those things.

84
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,919
I have no expectations.

85
00:04:56,503 --> 00:04:58,338
Okay. Good.

86
00:04:58,505 --> 00:05:00,423
- And?
- And nothing.

87
00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:01,925
I'll see you later.

88
00:05:02,092 --> 00:05:04,594
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.

89
00:05:04,761 --> 00:05:07,013
Oh, God, it's worse than I thought.

90
00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:09,391
What are you talking about?
She sounded fine.

91
00:05:09,557 --> 00:05:10,976
Berta, tell him.

92
00:05:11,142 --> 00:05:12,727
She's nuts, he's screwed.

93
00:05:18,942 --> 00:05:20,694
- Uncle Charlie?
- Yeah, buddy?

94
00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,905
You know what would be cool?
If you and Rose got married.

95
00:05:24,072 --> 00:05:25,782
Yeah, Charlie, that would be cool.

96
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:29,202
I could be the best man.

97
00:05:29,369 --> 00:05:33,290
Carry the ring for you
and the medication for her.

98
00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:35,375
Do pharmacies have bridal registries?

99
00:05:36,251 --> 00:05:38,753
Hey, have you guys talked
about having kids?

100
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,465
Are we gonna hear the pitter-patter
of teeny-weeny, crazy-ass feet?

101
00:05:46,469 --> 00:05:48,346
No, he's not gonna marry Rose.

102
00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:50,640
Why not?
He's already getting sex from her.

103
00:05:53,018 --> 00:05:56,062
Jake. Jake,
the only reason Rose was in my bed...

104
00:05:56,229 --> 00:05:58,273
is because she was
too tired to go home.

105
00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:02,360
Uncle Charlie, I'm an underachiever,
not an idiot.

106
00:06:06,156 --> 00:06:08,533
Okay, fine. You want the truth?

107
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,661
- Charlie, be discreet.
- Because a man and woman have sex...

108
00:06:11,828 --> 00:06:14,497
doesn't mean they get married
or they see each other.

109
00:06:14,664 --> 00:06:17,792
It doesn't even mean
they have to give their actual names.

110
00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:20,503
Thank you for your discretion.

111
00:06:21,087 --> 00:06:24,049
No, no. It's time somebody
taught him the facts of life.

112
00:06:24,215 --> 00:06:27,719
What facts? That you did a stupid thing
because you're a stupid man?

113
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:29,220
I was getting to that.

114
00:06:29,387 --> 00:06:30,472
Why was it stupid?

115
00:06:30,638 --> 00:06:33,016
Because he had sex with someone
he doesn't love.

116
00:06:33,183 --> 00:06:35,143
No, no. Because I had sex
with someone...

117
00:06:35,310 --> 00:06:37,729
who knows how to disable
the alarm system.

118
00:06:39,397 --> 00:06:43,443
And who has no compunction
about shaving my head while I sleep.

119
00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:46,905
- What's a compunction?
- Go get ready for bed.

120
00:06:47,071 --> 00:06:48,239
Sounds dirty.

121
00:06:48,406 --> 00:06:49,949
Just go.

122
00:06:50,116 --> 00:06:53,912
Hey, lady,
I can see your compunction.

123
00:06:54,078 --> 00:06:55,914
- Charlie, do me a favor?
- What?

124
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,874
- Don't talk to my kid about sex.
- Why?

125
00:06:58,041 --> 00:06:59,584
Because you're a pig.

126
00:07:00,543 --> 00:07:02,587
Okay.

127
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:06,299
- What was that?
- What was what?

128
00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:08,343
It was a thump.

129
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,929
- What do you mean a thump?
- You know, a thump.

130
00:07:11,095 --> 00:07:13,681
Like a woman dressed as a ninja
jumping from a tree...

131
00:07:13,848 --> 00:07:16,601
and landing on the roof
with cat-like precision.

132
00:07:17,727 --> 00:07:20,522
- I didn't hear anything.
- Well, I did.

133
00:07:20,688 --> 00:07:24,359
I guess your hearing's more acute
when your nuts are on the line.

134
00:07:27,278 --> 00:07:30,073
Come on, you don't really
think Rose is gonna do anything?

135
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,076
Hey, I never told you
half the weird stuff she pulled here.

136
00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:35,495
- Why not?
- We needed a babysitter...

137
00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:37,580
and I didn't want you
to get spooked.

138
00:07:39,749 --> 00:07:41,918
Okay, I'm listening.

139
00:07:42,585 --> 00:07:46,589
One time she trained a seagull
to swoop down...

140
00:07:46,756 --> 00:07:49,259
Oh, God, this is it.

141
00:07:50,552 --> 00:07:55,056
Come on. I can not believe a grown man
like you is afraid of a little girl.

142
00:07:55,223 --> 00:07:58,393
A little girl with a big seagull.

143
00:07:59,018 --> 00:08:01,896
Went right for my eyes.

144
00:08:02,939 --> 00:08:06,901
You ever seen one of them swoop down
on a picnic table to grab a french fry?

145
00:08:07,068 --> 00:08:08,653
- It was just like that.
- Charlie.

146
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,196
That's how she trained it.

147
00:08:10,363 --> 00:08:13,241
Took a picture of me
and put french fries all over it.

148
00:08:14,158 --> 00:08:15,368
You're being ridiculous.

149
00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:19,330
Am I?

150
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:22,667
We'll see.

151
00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:38,308
- Are you Charlie Harper?
- Yes, I am.

152
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,226
I'm Rose's father.

153
00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:44,731
I don't see a way out of this, do you?

154
00:08:52,196 --> 00:08:54,240
So you're Rose's dad.

155
00:08:57,452 --> 00:09:00,079
I can see the resemblance.

156
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,917
You and I need to talk.

157
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,503
Okay, sure, if you want.

158
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:10,673
I'm booked for the next few days,
but maybe we can next week.

159
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,884
- Now.
- Or now.

160
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:15,136
There's a window in my schedule.
Come on in.

161
00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:16,888
Thank you.

162
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:19,307
- Can I get you something to drink?
- I'm fine.

163
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:22,226
You don't mind if I have
a conversation starter, do you?

164
00:09:22,393 --> 00:09:24,145
- Knock yourself out.
- I'm gonna try.

165
00:09:30,109 --> 00:09:33,571
- So I'm Charlie's brother, Alan.
- Nice to meet you.

166
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:35,615
Same here.

167
00:09:36,657 --> 00:09:39,660
I never slept with your daughter.

168
00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:50,338
I'm not surprised.

169
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:57,678
Okay. Rose's dad.

170
00:09:57,845 --> 00:10:00,389
- Call me Harvey.
- Okay, Harvey.

171
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:03,601
Easy. Like the invisible rabbit
in that Jimmy Stewart movie.

172
00:10:03,768 --> 00:10:06,020
- What was that called?
- Harvey.

173
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:08,272
Right.

174
00:10:09,857 --> 00:10:11,108
Loved that movie.

175
00:10:11,275 --> 00:10:15,446
People don't know it was originally a play.
Then they tried to make it a musical.

176
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:16,656
- Charlie?
- Yes, sir?

177
00:10:16,823 --> 00:10:19,116
- Sit down.
- Yes, sir.

178
00:10:19,784 --> 00:10:21,702
Now...

179
00:10:21,869 --> 00:10:24,205
what are your intentions
towards my daughter?

180
00:10:24,372 --> 00:10:27,375
Oh, right to the chase.
Straight shooter.

181
00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:29,919
I like that.

182
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,343
Thirsty.

183
00:10:39,053 --> 00:10:40,847
So where were we?

184
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:44,350
He wants to know
what your intentions are towards Rose.

185
00:10:45,643 --> 00:10:47,812
Thank you.

186
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:52,567
Well, I would have to say
that my intentions are good.

187
00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:54,735
Anybody who knows me
would confirm...

188
00:10:54,902 --> 00:10:57,905
that "Charlie Harper
has good intentions."

189
00:10:58,072 --> 00:11:02,702
His actions, on the other hand,
are usually selfish and asinine.

190
00:11:03,786 --> 00:11:05,705
Again, thank you.

191
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,542
Harvey, I'm glad we had this chance
to talk...

192
00:11:09,709 --> 00:11:11,252
- Sit down.
- Sorry.

193
00:11:11,419 --> 00:11:14,088
- You gonna marry my daughter or not?
- Not.

194
00:11:14,255 --> 00:11:16,924
- Not?
- A very well-intended not.

195
00:11:17,425 --> 00:11:22,597
So after two years together, you just
plan to keep on stringing her along?

196
00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:26,267
No, I would never...
Wait a minute, did you say two years?

197
00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:28,978
Now look, Rose cares very much
about you...

198
00:11:29,145 --> 00:11:30,771
and she's not gonna leave you.

199
00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:33,858
So I think the honorable thing
for you to do is let her go.

200
00:11:34,692 --> 00:11:37,028
Believe me, Harvey, I've tried.

201
00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:39,905
God, how I've tried.

202
00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:44,744
So, what's the problem?
You love her too much?

203
00:11:45,995 --> 00:11:47,455
Not exactly.

204
00:11:47,622 --> 00:11:50,624
I mean, she's a wonderful gal
and I do care for her.

205
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:53,377
But you see...

206
00:11:53,544 --> 00:11:56,505
What, the peanut gallery taking
a break?

207
00:11:57,340 --> 00:12:00,009
Harvey, the truth is,
Charlie has tried to end it.

208
00:12:00,176 --> 00:12:02,553
But your daughter
doesn't handle rejection well.

209
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,971
Or all that legally.

210
00:12:05,973 --> 00:12:09,060
In my defense, we're not talking
about a long-term relationship.

211
00:12:09,226 --> 00:12:14,482
We're talking about a couple of nights
of drunken, frenzied sex two years apart.

212
00:12:14,648 --> 00:12:18,069
- That's your defense?
- I didn't say it was a good defense.

213
00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:20,112
You'll have to forgive my brother.

214
00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:23,366
He thinks with his penis
and his penis isn't very bright.

215
00:12:25,326 --> 00:12:29,163
That's true. Anybody
who knows me will confirm that.

216
00:12:30,331 --> 00:12:32,541
I can confirm that.

217
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:36,545
Oh, for God sake.

218
00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:41,759
Rose, did you tell your father
we've been going out for two years?

219
00:12:41,926 --> 00:12:45,429
Yeah. I thought it sounded better
than saying we had a one-night stand...

220
00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:47,681
and then I stalked you
for two years.

221
00:12:47,848 --> 00:12:49,517
She's not wrong.

222
00:12:50,851 --> 00:12:53,687
Daddy, try to understand.

223
00:12:53,854 --> 00:12:56,190
I didn't want you to feel sorry for me...

224
00:12:56,357 --> 00:12:59,276
or try to set me up with anybody.
Or have me committed.

225
00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:02,530
Oh, sweetheart,
I would never do that.

226
00:13:02,696 --> 00:13:05,282
We're a wealthy family.
We can afford home care.

227
00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:10,287
Okay, well, I'm glad
we had this chance to clear the air.

228
00:13:10,454 --> 00:13:15,543
I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about
so I'll let you get to it.

229
00:13:17,503 --> 00:13:20,589
- Mom?
- Hang on, dear.

230
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,220
- Hello?
- Alan. Oh, good, I'm glad you're home.

231
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:31,100
Listen, I'm in the neighborhood
and I know how Charlie hates it...

232
00:13:31,267 --> 00:13:36,730
when I just drop in unannounced,
so I thought I'd call first.

233
00:13:42,152 --> 00:13:44,280
I'll let him know.

234
00:13:45,656 --> 00:13:47,700
Charlie, Mom's coming over.

235
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,244
Tell her I'm not here.

236
00:13:53,414 --> 00:13:56,000
Hi, sweetie. Oh, hello, Rose.

237
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:59,336
Hi, Evelyn.
Daddy, this is Charlie's mom, Evelyn.

238
00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:03,048
- Evelyn, this is my father, Harvey.
- Harvey, nice to meet you.

239
00:14:03,883 --> 00:14:06,010
Nice to meet you.

240
00:14:11,098 --> 00:14:13,142
So, what are we talking about?

241
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:16,270
Well, Charlie and I got hammered
last night...

242
00:14:16,437 --> 00:14:19,398
and then somebody suggested
a sponge bath.

243
00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:21,358
It might have been me.

244
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:25,195
Then we ended up
spending the night together.

245
00:14:25,946 --> 00:14:28,198
I see.

246
00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:32,745
Are you as proud of yours
as I am of mine?

247
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:38,542
You do the best you can
to raise them...

248
00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:41,795
but in the end they drive down
life's highway on their own.

249
00:14:41,962 --> 00:14:43,005
Isn't that the truth?

250
00:14:43,172 --> 00:14:47,301
I think God gives us children so death
won't come as such a disappointment.

251
00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,225
So, Evelyn...

252
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:56,602
are you married?

253
00:14:57,436 --> 00:14:58,604
Not at the moment.

254
00:15:00,397 --> 00:15:02,691
Why? What do you have in mind?

255
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:06,278
Well, maybe we could start
with a little dinner.

256
00:15:07,237 --> 00:15:08,364
Sounds good.

257
00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:12,618
But how do you wanna finish?

258
00:15:13,702 --> 00:15:16,288
Simultaneously.

259
00:15:18,457 --> 00:15:20,292
Oh, he's good.

260
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,220
Hello. Oh, hi, Mom.

261
00:15:31,387 --> 00:15:33,097
- Hold on. Alan?
- Yeah?

262
00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:35,474
Get the door.

263
00:15:38,352 --> 00:15:41,438
Boys, we have a problem.
We need to talk.

264
00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:44,942
- What's going on?
- We haven't seen you in days.

265
00:15:45,109 --> 00:15:47,861
- Not that we're complaining.
- Merely an observation.

266
00:15:48,028 --> 00:15:50,656
Well, as you know,
I have been seeing Rose's father.

267
00:15:50,823 --> 00:15:54,159
- And how's that going?
- At first it was wonderful.

268
00:15:54,326 --> 00:15:58,872
He was handsome, charming,
and a raging bull in the sack.

269
00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:01,625
No mental pictures. Push them out.

270
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:04,128
Well, don't give them to me.

271
00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:05,504
What I didn't realize...

272
00:16:05,671 --> 00:16:10,843
is the man has the emotional stability
of a bag of rats in a burning meth lab.

273
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:13,470
- What did he do?
- It's what he didn't do.

274
00:16:13,637 --> 00:16:15,973
- Okay, what didn't he do?
- Leave.

275
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:20,686
Now, a couple of days
of Viagra-enhanced boinking...

276
00:16:20,853 --> 00:16:23,522
and he suddenly thinks
he lives with me.

277
00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:27,151
He's moving my furniture around,
he's getting his mail forwarded...

278
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:29,403
he had a satellite dish installed.

279
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:31,280
Did he get the NFL package?

280
00:16:31,446 --> 00:16:33,907
Charlie, please, this is not funny.

281
00:16:34,324 --> 00:16:37,786
This man is obsessed with me.
He will not let me out of his sight.

282
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,663
Wherever I go, there he is...

283
00:16:39,830 --> 00:16:42,291
with this stupid love-smitten look
on his face.

284
00:16:42,457 --> 00:16:44,501
You just wanna hit him with a shovel.

285
00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:47,921
Well, what do you want us to do?

286
00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:50,716
Come over to my house
and hit him with a shovel.

287
00:16:50,883 --> 00:16:54,094
Wouldn't it be easier to keep
feeding him Viagra until he strokes?

288
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:57,598
Charlie, don't be ridiculous.
That could take months.

289
00:16:58,098 --> 00:16:59,433
Come on now, guys, think.

290
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,185
How can I get this loon out
of my house?

291
00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:04,730
- I say we bring in expert help.
- Way ahead of you.

292
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:06,773
Rose.

293
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:08,775
- Yes, Charlie?
- Road trip.

294
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:13,071
Oh, goody, I'll meet you in the garage.

295
00:17:26,376 --> 00:17:28,462
- Daddy?
- Oh, Rose, good.

296
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:30,589
You got my change-of-address card.

297
00:17:32,591 --> 00:17:34,968
And there's my other favorite gal.

298
00:17:35,135 --> 00:17:37,387
- Hello, Harvey.
- Where were you, pudding pop?

299
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:39,306
I was worried sick.

300
00:17:39,473 --> 00:17:42,851
- I just went out.
- I didn't see you leave.

301
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:45,771
That's because I climbed out
the laundry room window.

302
00:17:47,064 --> 00:17:48,899
Aren't you a limber little minx.

303
00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:55,072
Daddy, we need to talk.

304
00:17:55,238 --> 00:17:56,365
Yes, right away, honey.

305
00:17:56,531 --> 00:17:59,534
Hey, fellas,
are you ready for some football?

306
00:18:00,243 --> 00:18:03,747
Evie, why don't you get our guests
some cold drinks?

307
00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:05,457
Yes, of course, dear.

308
00:18:05,624 --> 00:18:08,251
Garden shed. Shovel. Bag of lime.

309
00:18:11,713 --> 00:18:15,592
- Daddy, listen to me very closely.
- Okay.

310
00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:17,594
You don't live here.

311
00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:20,597
Yes, I do. Look at me.

312
00:18:21,431 --> 00:18:23,558
We've been through this before,
remember?

313
00:18:24,267 --> 00:18:27,104
The pretty receptionist
at your psychiatrist's office?

314
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:30,399
Oh, yeah. Cheryl.

315
00:18:30,565 --> 00:18:33,610
She had a mean lawyer.

316
00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:35,654
But this is different.

317
00:18:35,821 --> 00:18:38,240
Evelyn and I are in love,
we're gonna get married.

318
00:18:38,407 --> 00:18:39,783
Isn't that right?

319
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,870
Not if you were the last crazy man
on Earth.

320
00:18:44,496 --> 00:18:46,415
Guys, feel free to call me Dad.

321
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,335
- No, thank you.
- I couldn't.

322
00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:53,547
Daddy, pay attention.

323
00:18:53,713 --> 00:18:55,382
Okay.

324
00:18:55,549 --> 00:18:59,761
I know what it feels like to be so in love
with someone you wanna crawl inside...

325
00:18:59,928 --> 00:19:03,223
so that you're wearing their skin
like a leotard with nipples.

326
00:19:06,935 --> 00:19:10,939
What I've learned is that not everyone
is ready for that kind of intimacy.

327
00:19:11,815 --> 00:19:13,525
Take me and Charlie for example.

328
00:19:13,692 --> 00:19:15,360
We slept together two years ago...

329
00:19:15,527 --> 00:19:18,947
realized we were better as friends,
and haven't done it again since.

330
00:19:20,991 --> 00:19:23,493
- We haven't?
- You were too drunk.

331
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:25,912
I was gonna tell you eventually.

332
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:28,915
Then why did you let me think
we did?

333
00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:31,251
Because it doesn't make
any difference.

334
00:19:31,418 --> 00:19:32,961
I'm in this for the long haul.

335
00:19:35,213 --> 00:19:39,217
Sweetheart, when Evie and I get married
Charlie will be your stepbrother.

336
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,970
Oh, I didn't think of that.

337
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,014
Oh, très kinky.

338
00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:46,516
Rose, stick with the plan.

339
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:49,227
Okay.

340
00:19:49,728 --> 00:19:51,605
Daddy,
I didn't wanna have to do this...

341
00:19:51,771 --> 00:19:54,191
but I brought someone else here
to talk to you.

342
00:19:54,357 --> 00:19:57,360
- Who?
- Come on in, Grandma.

343
00:19:59,613 --> 00:20:01,698
You brought Mother?

344
00:20:01,865 --> 00:20:04,826
Harvey, how many times
have I told you...

345
00:20:04,993 --> 00:20:07,495
not to leave the estate
without telling me?

346
00:20:07,662 --> 00:20:10,290
- Mom.
- Playtime's over.

347
00:20:10,457 --> 00:20:13,960
- Get in the car, we're going home.
- But, Mom, we're getting married.

348
00:20:14,127 --> 00:20:17,297
To this trash? I don't think so.

349
00:20:17,964 --> 00:20:19,299
Excuse me?

350
00:20:19,841 --> 00:20:21,593
Roll with it, Mom.

351
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,346
I'm counting to three, Harvey.

352
00:20:24,512 --> 00:20:26,348
One, two...

353
00:20:26,514 --> 00:20:29,017
I'm going, I'm...

354
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:33,438
- Keep the robe.
- Thanks. I'm not wearing pants.

355
00:20:33,605 --> 00:20:36,816
Harvey, do you want me
to put you over my knee?

356
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:38,526
All right, I'm going.

357
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,491
He's really a good boy.

358
00:20:44,658 --> 00:20:47,953
But these things happen
when you marry a first cousin.

359
00:20:52,749 --> 00:20:56,419
I'd say they're lucky to have thumbs.

360
00:21:01,675 --> 00:21:03,343
I'm really sorry to impose on you.

361
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:06,346
I just feel very uncomfortable
being home alone tonight.

362
00:21:06,513 --> 00:21:09,265
- No problem, you sleep in my room.
- Where will you sleep?

363
00:21:09,432 --> 00:21:11,393
I don't know, I'll find somebody.

364
00:21:14,145 --> 00:21:16,523
- I'm beat. I'm gonna go to bed.
- Good night.

365
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,693
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night, Mom.

366
00:21:28,368 --> 00:21:32,122
Sleep tight, pudding pop.

367
00:21:55,812 --> 00:21:57,897
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

368
00:21:58,064 --> 00:22:00,150
[ENGLISH]