1 00:00:03,221 --> 00:00:07,308 After the kid goes back to his mother's, you wanna go out and grab some dinner? 2 00:00:07,309 --> 00:00:09,101 I can't go out to dinner, Charlie. 3 00:00:09,102 --> 00:00:10,603 Why not? You got a date? 4 00:00:10,604 --> 00:00:14,900 He said knowing the answer, but asking anyway just to be polite. 5 00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:16,109 I don't have a date. 6 00:00:16,110 --> 00:00:21,448 He replied, all the while thinking, "Bite me, you booze-addled buffoon." 7 00:00:21,449 --> 00:00:22,907 So why can't you go? 8 00:00:22,908 --> 00:00:26,036 Are you kidding? I'm paying alimony to two women. 9 00:00:26,037 --> 00:00:28,621 I don't have money for luxuries like eating out. 10 00:00:28,622 --> 00:00:30,957 Or eating in, really. 11 00:00:30,958 --> 00:00:33,918 I'm trying to learn to chew my own cud. 12 00:00:33,919 --> 00:00:37,423 - That's all right. I'll treat. - No, you've done too much already. 13 00:00:37,424 --> 00:00:42,284 Yeah, but it's not like I'm keeping a tab, $26,382. 14 00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:45,055 To date. 15 00:00:45,056 --> 00:00:48,350 Exactly. So I need to start carrying my own weight. 16 00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:52,271 Which is actually getting easier now that I'm wasting away. 17 00:00:52,272 --> 00:00:55,566 - Stop feeling sorry for yourself. - I'm not feeling sorry for myself. 18 00:00:55,567 --> 00:01:01,156 I'll find something here to eat. Maybe some scrambled eggs and a Popsicle. 19 00:01:01,157 --> 00:01:03,657 Fine. See you later. 20 00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:14,210 All right, I'm only gonna ask you one more time. 21 00:01:14,211 --> 00:01:17,005 - Would you like to have dinner with me? - That depends. 22 00:01:17,006 --> 00:01:19,759 - Where are we going? - Oh, for God's sake. 23 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,427 What? I don't even get a vote? 24 00:01:21,428 --> 00:01:23,596 You don't get a vote, you get a free meal. 25 00:01:23,597 --> 00:01:28,684 Well, if I was one of your dates, you'd ask where I wanted to go. 26 00:01:28,685 --> 00:01:31,185 You're right. 27 00:01:32,022 --> 00:01:34,902 So where do you wanna go, baby? 28 00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:36,233 That's very funny. 29 00:01:36,234 --> 00:01:41,448 No, no, no, let's get something hot in you and then get something hot in you. 30 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,408 Knock it off. 31 00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:44,617 Gee, you smell good. 32 00:01:44,618 --> 00:01:47,662 You know what? Okay, I'll just stay here and have a Popsicle. 33 00:01:47,663 --> 00:01:49,456 Oh, you'll be getting the Popsicle. 34 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:52,041 Fine, fine, fine. Okay, you pick the restaurant. 35 00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,710 Thank you. How about sushi? 36 00:01:53,711 --> 00:01:56,211 Ugh. Not a big fan. 37 00:01:57,548 --> 00:02:00,538 Oh, that's Judith. Keep thinking. 38 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,680 Jake, your mother's here. 39 00:02:07,309 --> 00:02:09,936 Hey, that Popsicle almost- 40 00:02:20,530 --> 00:02:23,032 - Hello. - Hi. Yeah, he'll be right out. 41 00:02:23,033 --> 00:02:26,124 Do me a favor and take them both. 42 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:31,875 - Hey, Mom. - Hey, honey. Would you wait in the car? 43 00:02:31,876 --> 00:02:34,836 - Who's in trouble? Me or Dad? - No one's in trouble. 44 00:02:34,837 --> 00:02:37,337 It's you. 45 00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,175 If you're gonna chew my ass off... 46 00:02:40,176 --> 00:02:44,762 ...just know I'm planning on having it for breakfast tomorrow. 47 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,557 No, you didn't do anything, Alan. 48 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:50,728 I just, uh- I wanted to let you know that, uh- 49 00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:52,396 Boy, this is awkward. Um... 50 00:02:52,397 --> 00:02:54,606 Remember I was dating Jake's pediatrician? 51 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:57,192 Yeah, yeah, Melnick. Uh, what about him? 52 00:02:57,193 --> 00:03:00,779 Well, we started seeing each other again and it's gotten serious. 53 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,280 Oh, how serious? 54 00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:07,196 He asked me to marry him and I said yes. 55 00:03:07,245 --> 00:03:09,746 Oh. Wow. 56 00:03:09,832 --> 00:03:11,291 I- 57 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,585 I don't know what to say. Um... 58 00:03:13,586 --> 00:03:15,253 I guess, congratulations. 59 00:03:15,254 --> 00:03:18,548 Thank you. I just wanted to let you know before we told Jake. 60 00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:20,466 Sure. Sure. I appreciate it. 61 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:24,137 It's kind of weird, isn't it? I mean, we spent so many years together. 62 00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:26,973 It's hard for me to think of you married to somebody else. 63 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,474 Yeah. 64 00:03:32,147 --> 00:03:33,939 Still, I wish you the best, though. 65 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:36,660 Oh, I know you do. Thank you. 66 00:03:37,986 --> 00:03:40,486 - Well, bye. - Bye. 67 00:03:49,789 --> 00:03:51,748 Five, six, seven, eight. 68 00:03:51,749 --> 00:03:53,418 No more alimony 69 00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,086 No more alimony 70 00:03:55,087 --> 00:03:56,671 No more alimony 71 00:03:56,672 --> 00:03:59,172 No more alimony 72 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,629 You know the problem with sushi? 73 00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:32,382 You mean, besides eating it with you? 74 00:04:32,383 --> 00:04:35,260 It's all fleshy and flappy and wet. 75 00:04:35,261 --> 00:04:37,889 Feels unnatural against my tongue. 76 00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:39,557 - Hey, Alan? - What? 77 00:04:39,558 --> 00:04:43,853 I think I know why your marriages didn't work out. 78 00:04:43,854 --> 00:04:47,607 Oh, stop it. Now, speaking of marriages... 79 00:04:47,608 --> 00:04:50,234 ...the next time we go out to dinner, it'll be on me. 80 00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:52,737 Because with Judith getting married again... 81 00:04:52,738 --> 00:04:54,989 ...I'll have... 82 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,574 Five, six, seven, eight. 83 00:04:56,575 --> 00:04:58,410 No more alimony 84 00:04:58,411 --> 00:05:00,078 No more alimony 85 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,205 No more alimo- 86 00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:03,623 Hey, Dad. 87 00:05:03,624 --> 00:05:05,292 What are you doing here? 88 00:05:05,293 --> 00:05:08,253 - And how'd you get in? - Rose let me in. 89 00:05:08,254 --> 00:05:10,130 Hey, guys. 90 00:05:10,131 --> 00:05:11,798 How was dinner? 91 00:05:11,799 --> 00:05:13,967 Forget dinner. What are you doing here? 92 00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:16,261 Keeping Jake company. 93 00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:19,265 But if you let him in, you had to have been here before him. 94 00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:21,142 Well, yeah. 95 00:05:21,143 --> 00:05:22,768 But if Jake hadn't shown up... 96 00:05:22,769 --> 00:05:26,314 ...I'd be gone by now and you'd never know I was here. 97 00:05:26,315 --> 00:05:29,942 So, what, you just waltz in and make yourself at home whenever I'm out? 98 00:05:29,943 --> 00:05:31,152 That's not true. 99 00:05:31,153 --> 00:05:34,093 Sometimes you're upstairs asleep. 100 00:05:34,948 --> 00:05:36,407 Wait, let's go back here. 101 00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:38,993 - Jake, why aren't you at your mother's? - I ran away. 102 00:05:38,994 --> 00:05:41,825 Sometimes you're in the shower. 103 00:05:42,415 --> 00:05:44,541 Rose, please. Why did you run away? 104 00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:46,668 Because I hate it there. 105 00:05:46,669 --> 00:05:48,962 Is this about the upcoming nuptials? 106 00:05:48,963 --> 00:05:52,373 It's nothing to do with puberty, Dad. 107 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:55,880 It's about Mom getting married. 108 00:05:56,429 --> 00:05:59,889 - I thought you liked Dr. Melnick. - That was when they were just dating. 109 00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:02,852 Now he thinks he can tell me what to do. He's not my father. 110 00:06:02,853 --> 00:06:07,857 - You don't do what I tell you to do. - Yeah, but Mom doesn't care about that. 111 00:06:07,858 --> 00:06:10,109 Alan, if I could just interrupt for one sec. 112 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:13,195 How do you keep getting in? I've changed the locks three times. 113 00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:17,006 Yes. But you didn't change the locksmith. 114 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,660 I could recommend somebody. 115 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:23,372 Good night, Rose. 116 00:06:23,373 --> 00:06:25,792 I replace everything I eat. 117 00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,669 - Good night. - You know how I do it? 118 00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:30,964 I keep an exact duplicate fridge at my house. 119 00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:35,927 - Good night, Rose. - By the way, we're out of Popsicles. 120 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:38,722 I'm gonna call your mother. She's probably worried sick. 121 00:06:38,723 --> 00:06:43,113 She's probably in the hot tub with Dr. Melnick. 122 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:46,564 How'd you get here? You steal a car or something? 123 00:06:46,565 --> 00:06:49,191 How can I steal a car? I'm 12. 124 00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:52,779 You kids these days. No imagination. 125 00:06:53,405 --> 00:06:56,866 - I took the bus. - In L.A.? At night? 126 00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:59,368 You would've been safer stealing a car. 127 00:06:59,369 --> 00:07:01,829 What's your plan? Where are you headed? 128 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:03,914 I'm gonna stay here. 129 00:07:03,915 --> 00:07:06,415 Oh, you can't stay here. 130 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:10,213 - Why not? - Because you're running away. 131 00:07:10,214 --> 00:07:14,217 Away, according to the dictionary, means "not here." 132 00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:17,220 It's usually preceded by the words "far, far"... 133 00:07:17,221 --> 00:07:19,721 ...or in your case, "go." 134 00:07:20,599 --> 00:07:22,934 Oh, come on. Why can't I live with you guys? 135 00:07:22,935 --> 00:07:26,229 Oh, Jake, do you have any idea how much I have to clean up my act... 136 00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,689 ...when you're here? 137 00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:29,107 What are you talking about? 138 00:07:29,108 --> 00:07:32,069 I see you drink, gamble, you have strange girls sleep over. 139 00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:36,866 Uh-huh. Drop in unannounced on a Wednesday and you'll be scarred for life. 140 00:07:36,867 --> 00:07:39,660 I hope you're proud of yourself. Your mother's crying. 141 00:07:39,661 --> 00:07:41,036 Good. 142 00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:42,413 Hey. 143 00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:45,124 - Don't be mean to your mother. - You're mean to your mom. 144 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:46,959 My mother can take it. 145 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,460 She actually feeds on it. 146 00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:53,341 She wanted me to tell you that she loves you more than anything... 147 00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,802 ...she and Dr. Melnick aren't gonna get married... 148 00:07:55,803 --> 00:07:58,471 ...until you've had time to adjust to the idea. 149 00:07:58,472 --> 00:08:04,822 Then they'll never get married, because I'm never gonna adjust to it. 150 00:08:05,146 --> 00:08:07,926 - Five, six, seven- - Shut up. 151 00:08:11,277 --> 00:08:14,989 I am a little surprised at you. I'd think you'd want your mom to be happy. 152 00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:17,158 Hey, she can be happy all she wants... 153 00:08:17,159 --> 00:08:19,869 ...I just don't need some jerk pretending he's my dad. 154 00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,620 Oh, why not? 155 00:08:21,621 --> 00:08:23,664 Because I already have a dad. 156 00:08:23,665 --> 00:08:26,165 And he's already a jerk. 157 00:08:27,377 --> 00:08:29,169 All right, buddy. 158 00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,839 I'm gonna have to tell you something pretty heavy. 159 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:36,261 But I think it's something that you're old enough to understand. 160 00:08:36,262 --> 00:08:38,762 You can do better than me. 161 00:08:39,348 --> 00:08:41,848 Way better. 162 00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:44,477 Did you know that I'm not even a real doctor? 163 00:08:44,478 --> 00:08:46,104 But Dr. Melnick is. 164 00:08:46,105 --> 00:08:48,398 - So what? - So what? Are you kidding? 165 00:08:48,399 --> 00:08:51,651 He makes more money. He can buy you better presents than I can. 166 00:08:51,652 --> 00:08:56,030 Don't underestimate the value of having a prescription pad lying around the house. 167 00:08:56,031 --> 00:08:59,326 - Charlie. - You know, if someone gets sick. 168 00:08:59,327 --> 00:09:01,579 Or bored. 169 00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:03,205 But I only need one dad. 170 00:09:03,206 --> 00:09:04,832 And you'll only have one dad. 171 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:08,711 But there's nothing that says you can't call him "Dad" and me "Alan." 172 00:09:08,712 --> 00:09:11,046 We'll still know who's who. 173 00:09:11,047 --> 00:09:13,557 I'm getting a little misty. 174 00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:18,888 Forget it. I'm never gonna like him. 175 00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:24,659 May I suggest you try a more, shall we say, practical approach? 176 00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:31,234 Jake, how much does your mom give you for allowance? 177 00:09:31,235 --> 00:09:33,236 Ten dollars a week. 178 00:09:33,237 --> 00:09:35,196 Okay. 179 00:09:35,197 --> 00:09:40,286 Uh... I'm gonna write down some figures here and you tell me to stop... 180 00:09:40,287 --> 00:09:47,287 ...when you see a number that makes you feel a little warmer toward Dr. Melnick. 181 00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:52,840 I was so worried about you, don't you ever do that again. 182 00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:55,467 - Thanks for bringing him back. - No problem. 183 00:09:55,468 --> 00:09:59,596 - Isn't there something you wanna say? - Yeah. 184 00:09:59,597 --> 00:10:02,098 I love you, Dr. Melnick. 185 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,862 Let's get you to bed. 186 00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:18,908 - You've got school in the morning- - Hang on. 187 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,409 Night, Dad. See you, Alan. 188 00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:23,998 Night, buddy. 189 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,667 Boy, he's really warming up to you. 190 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,169 Yeah. Listen, have you and Judith ever discussed... 191 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,840 ...putting Jake on any sort of medication? 192 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,341 Why? What do you got? 193 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,970 No, no. We haven't. Why? 194 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,722 One minute he hates me, the next minute he loves me. 195 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,016 Those kind of mood swings aren't normal. 196 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,018 Oh, no, no, no, don't worry about that. 197 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,523 That's not an emotional problem. That's more like, uh- 198 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:51,024 A kind of, uh- 199 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:55,029 - Charlie? - We paid him to like you. 200 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:59,820 - You what? - And it cost less than you might think. 201 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:04,664 But that's a good thing. A bribable child is a controllable child. 202 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:08,168 Plus, he's not too bright, so you can lie to him all you want. 203 00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:09,420 - Charlie. - Oh, come on. 204 00:11:09,421 --> 00:11:15,641 Until he was 10, I had him convinced that swizzle sticks were money. 205 00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:18,929 Hey, hey, uh, speaking of swizzle sticks. 206 00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:21,598 Have you guys considered eloping to Vegas? 207 00:11:21,599 --> 00:11:23,350 - No- - I know what you're thinking. 208 00:11:23,351 --> 00:11:28,063 "Tacky, tacky," but actually, it isn't. It's classy and very romantic. 209 00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:30,984 Yeah, some of the hotel rooms have those big mirrored walls. 210 00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:35,875 It's like watching your ass bob up and down in IMAX. 211 00:11:36,198 --> 00:11:37,740 Oh. 212 00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:40,284 We're gonna put things on hold for a little while. 213 00:11:40,285 --> 00:11:44,288 - Why? You love Judith, don't you? - Of course. She's a great woman. 214 00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:46,789 How's the sex? 215 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:48,835 That's a little personal, isn't it? 216 00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:51,797 Hey, I didn't ask which way you point her. 217 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,091 I wanna make sure you two kids are compatible. 218 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:57,261 Oh, well, there's no problem in that area. 219 00:11:57,262 --> 00:11:59,762 See, Alan? It was you. 220 00:12:04,143 --> 00:12:08,273 That's me. The original one-pump chump. Ha. 221 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,315 So I hear. 222 00:12:11,484 --> 00:12:14,904 The thing is, I'm just not sure I'm ready to be a stepfather. 223 00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:17,365 Oh, sure you are. You'll be terrific, right? 224 00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:20,118 As long as there's food, and money in your wallet... 225 00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:22,412 ...you'll own the little peckerhead. 226 00:12:22,413 --> 00:12:26,249 Poor baby was exhausted. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. 227 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:29,544 - Another plus. Sound sleeper. - Yeah, nothing wakes that kid up. 228 00:12:29,545 --> 00:12:33,405 I've had some real screamers at my place. 229 00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:36,009 It's getting late. I'd like to go to bed. 230 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,971 Why don't you do that? Listen, fatherhood is no big deal. 231 00:12:38,972 --> 00:12:42,849 Truth is, with the Internet and everything, they practically raise themselves. 232 00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:44,851 Alan. 233 00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:48,682 You go ahead, honey. I'll be in a second. 234 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:52,442 I don't know. I just think I need some time to get used to the idea. 235 00:12:52,443 --> 00:12:54,277 No, no, no. Don't think about it. 236 00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:57,532 Parenthood is like skydiving. You gotta jump out of the old plane. 237 00:12:57,533 --> 00:13:00,451 And get sucked into the old propeller. 238 00:13:00,452 --> 00:13:02,952 A propeller of love. 239 00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:06,916 Hey, listen, why don't we go out and talk about this over a couple of beers? 240 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:11,003 Oh. Thanks. I really enjoy spending time with you fellas, but I don't really drink. 241 00:13:11,004 --> 00:13:13,507 That's okay, neither do I. 242 00:13:15,217 --> 00:13:18,303 Well, okay, sure. Let me just tell Judith I'm leaving. 243 00:13:18,304 --> 00:13:21,390 - That's okay. I'll tell her. We're leaving. - Good. 244 00:13:21,391 --> 00:13:23,891 Let's go. 245 00:13:26,854 --> 00:13:31,149 My first wife and I tried to have kids, but it just didn't happen. 246 00:13:31,150 --> 00:13:35,070 Then when she got sick and passed away, I didn't think I'd ever have a family. 247 00:13:35,071 --> 00:13:38,241 - Oh, that's so sad. - Yeah. 248 00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:41,327 Who was shooting blanks, you or her? 249 00:13:41,328 --> 00:13:46,415 That doesn't matter. What matters is that he's starting fresh with Judith. 250 00:13:46,416 --> 00:13:49,406 A live woman of proven fertility. 251 00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:54,966 What good does that do if he's packing a starter's pistol? 252 00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:56,342 I'm fine. 253 00:13:56,343 --> 00:13:59,220 You hear that? He's fine. Jake can have a little brother. 254 00:13:59,221 --> 00:14:03,266 - That would be a blessing from heaven. - Oh, I don't know if I want more kids. 255 00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,767 Then wear a condom. 256 00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,563 Besides, Jake's used to being an only child. 257 00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:13,693 If there was a new one, he'd probably eat it by mistake. 258 00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:16,238 So, Herb, you haven't touched your beer. 259 00:14:16,239 --> 00:14:19,241 Oh, well, like I said, I'm not much of a drinker. 260 00:14:19,242 --> 00:14:21,618 Then we need a drinking game. 261 00:14:21,619 --> 00:14:27,458 How about this? Each time Alan shoots me a dirty look, we all take a drink. 262 00:14:27,459 --> 00:14:29,959 Oop. And here we go. 263 00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,343 You guys are great guys. 264 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,803 I love you guys. 265 00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:42,004 You know why? Because you're great. 266 00:14:42,224 --> 00:14:45,977 You know, Herb, I wish more women held their liquor the way you do. 267 00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:48,478 Thank you. 268 00:14:51,651 --> 00:14:53,819 I would like to propose a toast. 269 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:55,695 - To Jake. - Ah, Jake's great. 270 00:14:55,696 --> 00:14:58,782 - And to Judith. - Absolutely. Judith's great too. 271 00:14:58,783 --> 00:15:01,243 And to your upcoming marriage. 272 00:15:01,244 --> 00:15:03,744 Ah, sure. What the hell. 273 00:15:07,876 --> 00:15:09,418 You know what I never had? 274 00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:11,919 A second beer? 275 00:15:12,798 --> 00:15:15,132 No, no, a bachelor party. 276 00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:18,123 Me neither. Thanks to my brother. 277 00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,678 Oop. Bottoms up. 278 00:15:21,306 --> 00:15:22,515 Mm. 279 00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:25,351 Hey, why don't we make this your bachelor party? 280 00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:28,980 You know, one last big blowout with your friends before you get married. 281 00:15:28,981 --> 00:15:32,150 - But my friends aren't here. - What about us? We're your friends. 282 00:15:32,151 --> 00:15:34,569 We wish you well, right, Charlie? 283 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:37,030 Well. 284 00:15:37,031 --> 00:15:39,199 Oh, come on, what do you say? 285 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,326 I don't know. I mean... 286 00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:44,204 ...if this is a bachelor party... 287 00:15:44,205 --> 00:15:47,805 ...wouldn't there be a couple strippers? 288 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,461 - Charlie? - I'm on it. 289 00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:07,561 He's gonna make a great stepdad for Jake. 290 00:16:07,562 --> 00:16:08,979 Yeah, whatever. 291 00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:12,317 And with the alimony I save, I can go out to eat every night. 292 00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:15,487 In restaurants. And I'm not talking early-bird special. 293 00:16:15,488 --> 00:16:20,428 I can eat when it's dark out with people my own age. 294 00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:29,570 - Hey, does your cell phone have video? - Yeah, why? 295 00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,253 Observe. 296 00:16:32,254 --> 00:16:33,797 What are you doing? 297 00:16:33,798 --> 00:16:36,717 Just in case he decides to back out of the wedding. 298 00:16:36,718 --> 00:16:38,719 - That's blackmail. - So? 299 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,220 I like it. 300 00:16:41,765 --> 00:16:44,265 CHARLIE: Hey, Herb. 301 00:16:46,269 --> 00:16:49,731 Attaboy. You dumb bastard. 302 00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:55,987 Uh-oh. It's Judith. 303 00:16:55,988 --> 00:16:58,532 Why is she calling me at this hour? 304 00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,325 Hello? 305 00:17:00,326 --> 00:17:04,266 Of course it's me. Who were you expecting? 306 00:17:06,207 --> 00:17:09,297 Oh, my God, this is Herb's phone. 307 00:17:17,594 --> 00:17:20,389 Uh, Herb is in the bathroom. 308 00:17:20,555 --> 00:17:24,809 Yeah, we were just having a couple of beers and getting to know each other. 309 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:30,147 Well, with all due respect, Judith, before we got married, I didn't drink either. 310 00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:35,068 Hey, hey. There is no call for that kind of language. 311 00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:38,447 What? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 312 00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,825 Yeah, I think this phone is... 313 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,371 ...running out of batteries. 314 00:17:43,537 --> 00:17:47,797 I said this phone is running out of batteries. 315 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,834 Goodbye, Judith. 316 00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:53,838 Think she bought it? 317 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,048 If she did... 318 00:17:55,049 --> 00:17:57,549 ...she's stupider than you. 319 00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:02,598 Excuse me, fellas. 320 00:18:02,599 --> 00:18:05,851 - Can either of you cash a check for me? - Why? 321 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,686 I'd like to tip the ladies. 322 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,022 No, no, forget the tip. We gotta get you home. 323 00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:12,483 Pssh. Why would I go home when for a extra 300 bucks... 324 00:18:12,484 --> 00:18:15,524 ...I can go all around the world? 325 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,195 He's got a point, Alan. 326 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:21,575 Herb, listen to me. Your fiancée is worried about you. 327 00:18:21,576 --> 00:18:24,077 Oh. Right. 328 00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:28,501 Golly, she's gonna be pretty PO'd. 329 00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:32,879 - It's okay. She doesn't need to know. - That's right. She doesn't need to know. 330 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,380 Can I borrow $300? 331 00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:39,803 - What are you doing? - Call it a wedding gift. 332 00:18:39,804 --> 00:18:42,722 - Are you crazy? I've gotta get him home. - So take him home. 333 00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:44,474 What are you gonna do? 334 00:18:44,475 --> 00:18:46,727 I'm thinking, maybe I'll go around the world. 335 00:18:46,728 --> 00:18:51,598 God knows I've racked up enough frequent-flier miles. 336 00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:54,734 Herb? 337 00:18:55,028 --> 00:18:57,321 Herb? 338 00:18:57,322 --> 00:18:59,822 Herb? 339 00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:05,643 Charlie, you're gonna have to help me take him home- Charlie? 340 00:19:11,796 --> 00:19:13,922 - You have a key? - No, I don't have a key. 341 00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:16,508 - Maybe he's got a key. - Wanna go through his pockets? 342 00:19:16,509 --> 00:19:17,842 Not particularly. 343 00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:20,720 Why don't we leave him on the porch, ring the bell and run? 344 00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:23,941 He's not a bag of flaming dog poo. 345 00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:27,546 No, that was Judith's first husband. 346 00:19:27,937 --> 00:19:30,978 Oop. Dirty look. Where's my beer? 347 00:19:31,983 --> 00:19:36,613 All right, all right, I'll go through his pockets. 348 00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:39,238 Ahh. Judith. 349 00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:44,498 What the hell is going on here? 350 00:19:52,963 --> 00:19:54,631 Well, that was close. 351 00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:56,674 No, it wasn't close. 352 00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:59,886 Close is when you get away with it. That was nowhere near close. 353 00:19:59,887 --> 00:20:01,930 All right, all right, it doesn't matter. 354 00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:04,224 He had a good time, he's gonna marry Judith... 355 00:20:04,225 --> 00:20:06,059 ...and I'm off the hook for alimony. 356 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,560 That's true. 357 00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:12,691 - Hey, Alan? - Yeah? 358 00:20:12,692 --> 00:20:16,528 You did erase the video from his cell phone, right? 359 00:20:16,529 --> 00:20:19,365 Oh, boy, it'd be really stupid if I didn't. 360 00:20:19,366 --> 00:20:21,866 Yes, it would. 361 00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:27,748 Hey, Herb. Attaboy. 362 00:20:27,749 --> 00:20:30,249 You dumb bastard. 363 00:20:34,089 --> 00:20:36,216 - Here you go. - Thank you. 364 00:20:36,217 --> 00:20:38,717 Enjoy. 365 00:20:38,844 --> 00:20:42,598 Okay, so that's one root beer... 366 00:20:44,224 --> 00:20:46,810 ...and one orange soda.