1 00:00:04,351 --> 00:00:06,600 So you understand the situation? 2 00:00:06,601 --> 00:00:08,184 I think so. 3 00:00:08,185 --> 00:00:11,227 Now that we're not married anymore you wanna sell my condo. 4 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:14,353 No, no. It's our condo. I got it for us. 5 00:00:14,354 --> 00:00:20,438 Not the smartest thing I ever did, but my real-estate adviser was my penis. 6 00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:25,105 Is that what they mean when they say the market's gone soft? 7 00:00:25,106 --> 00:00:27,398 I don't think so. 8 00:00:27,399 --> 00:00:30,232 My point is, I can't afford to carry the mortgage. 9 00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:33,066 But if we sell it, then we can split the profit. 10 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,109 Or I could buy you out. 11 00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:38,943 - Do you have money? - I will after we sell. 12 00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:40,777 Kandi, I am at the end of my rope. 13 00:00:40,778 --> 00:00:44,904 If I can't get out from under these bills, I may well have to declare bankruptcy. 14 00:00:44,905 --> 00:00:46,487 Wow. 15 00:00:46,488 --> 00:00:50,739 - That sounds really serious. - It is. Deadly serious. 16 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,574 Well, in that case... 17 00:00:54,991 --> 00:00:56,823 ...wanna have sex? 18 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,657 - What? - I'm horny, you're stressed... 19 00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:02,034 ...seems like we'd both benefit. 20 00:01:02,035 --> 00:01:04,533 Well, I am really stressed. 21 00:01:04,577 --> 00:01:06,535 No, that's not gonna solve anything. 22 00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:09,453 Okay, well, I'm gonna go take a shower. 23 00:01:09,454 --> 00:01:14,900 - Let me know if you change your mind. - I changed my mind. 24 00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:22,954 I either drank too much... 25 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,541 ...or got hit by a train. 26 00:01:29,126 --> 00:01:32,543 - Oh, God, train. - Charlie? 27 00:01:35,502 --> 00:01:36,960 Oh, look. 28 00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:40,420 It's my sweet angel come to take me to heaven. 29 00:01:40,421 --> 00:01:42,919 Don't touch me. 30 00:01:43,338 --> 00:01:45,088 I hope you're proud of yourself. 31 00:01:45,089 --> 00:01:46,588 Well... 32 00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:51,631 ...I didn't wake up in my own vomit, so, yeah, kind of. 33 00:01:51,632 --> 00:01:54,006 You are such a child. 34 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:57,508 Many people find that to be an endearing quality. 35 00:01:57,509 --> 00:01:59,967 I'm not one of them. 36 00:01:59,968 --> 00:02:02,466 It would appear not. 37 00:02:03,469 --> 00:02:07,344 - We had fun last night, though, right? - Oh, terrific. 38 00:02:07,345 --> 00:02:10,220 What woman doesn't enjoy pleasing a man who falls asleep... 39 00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:14,137 ...while he's in the middle of reciprocating? 40 00:02:14,138 --> 00:02:19,535 Well, that explains why I dreamt I was kissing Abe Lincoln. 41 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,306 Uh-oh. 42 00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,102 Okay. 43 00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:33,435 Just some underwear. 44 00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:35,811 No need to panic. 45 00:02:35,812 --> 00:02:39,300 And a little bit of makeup. No biggie. 46 00:02:39,313 --> 00:02:42,979 Running shoes, reading glasses, flannel nightgown... 47 00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:46,397 ...and the latest issue of Modern Bride magazine. 48 00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:48,896 Red alert. 49 00:02:49,316 --> 00:02:51,814 - Lydia? - What? 50 00:02:53,484 --> 00:02:57,692 I couldn't help but notice that you put some of your stuff in one of my drawers. 51 00:02:57,693 --> 00:03:02,069 Yeah. Hey, you wanna come in here and make up for last night? 52 00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:05,694 Well, yeah, but I think we should talk about this drawer thing. 53 00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:08,071 Okay. 54 00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:10,570 Talk. 55 00:03:12,989 --> 00:03:15,447 Four score and seven years ago... 56 00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:21,035 ...our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation. 57 00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:52,042 Morning. 58 00:03:52,043 --> 00:03:55,127 That was a great shower. 59 00:03:56,127 --> 00:04:01,795 Yeah. You know, it's good when you feel dirtier coming out than you did going in. 60 00:04:01,796 --> 00:04:04,420 - So, what are you doing? - Just practicing. 61 00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:06,129 - For what? - Nothing in particular. 62 00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:12,215 - Just keeping sharp for my work. - Oh, yeah, your little jingle thing. 63 00:04:12,216 --> 00:04:15,444 Hard to believe that takes practice. 64 00:04:23,052 --> 00:04:27,302 Berta, I'd like some scrambled egg whites, dry wheat toast and Earl Grey tea. 65 00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:33,489 Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like some new shoes, a jetpack and a waistline. 66 00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:42,585 You really thought she was gonna make you breakfast. 67 00:04:47,601 --> 00:04:50,099 - Yo, bro. - Hey. 68 00:04:50,143 --> 00:04:52,477 - How'd it go with Kandi? - Great. 69 00:04:52,478 --> 00:04:54,518 Just great. 70 00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:57,728 Turns out we can be friends with benefits. 71 00:04:57,729 --> 00:05:00,312 Nice. And did she agree to sell the condo? 72 00:05:00,313 --> 00:05:02,271 What? 73 00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:05,189 Isn't that why you went over there in the first place? 74 00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:07,688 Oh, yeah. 75 00:05:08,232 --> 00:05:10,900 Son of a bitch. 76 00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:12,982 Charlie... 77 00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:14,941 - ...you need to talk to your maid. - Shh-shh! 78 00:05:14,942 --> 00:05:17,984 - Keep your voice down. - Yeah, we don't use the M-word here. 79 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,234 Why not? 80 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,235 - Because it's disrespectful. - Demeaning. 81 00:05:21,236 --> 00:05:23,734 And wildly inaccurate. 82 00:05:27,404 --> 00:05:30,362 The point is, Berta's the one who keeps this house running... 83 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,447 ...and more important, she's like family. 84 00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:35,197 She's rude, offensive and vulgar. 85 00:05:35,198 --> 00:05:37,907 Okay, exactly like family. 86 00:05:38,324 --> 00:05:39,740 Fine. 87 00:05:39,741 --> 00:05:44,658 See if she'll do that thing with the ice cubes and the silk handkerchief you like. 88 00:05:44,659 --> 00:05:47,158 Come on, sweetie, don't be like that. 89 00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:49,076 Ice cubes and a silk handkerchief? 90 00:05:49,077 --> 00:05:52,494 You can also use a Popsicle and a necktie. 91 00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:55,902 But I do owe you a silk handkerchief. 92 00:05:56,705 --> 00:05:59,953 And your water pick's kind of iffy. 93 00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:06,084 And whatever you do, don't lick your hairbrush. 94 00:06:11,425 --> 00:06:14,009 I'm sorry to come over here and bother you again. 95 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:16,801 We never finished talking about selling the condo. 96 00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:18,635 But I don't wanna sell the condo. 97 00:06:18,636 --> 00:06:21,135 I can see boats from here. 98 00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:24,720 I understand, but I can't afford the payments. 99 00:06:24,721 --> 00:06:27,305 I like boats. 100 00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:31,389 All right, well if you won't cooperate... 101 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:35,098 ...I'll just have to call my lawyer. What are you doing? 102 00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:38,099 Chester lost his bone. I'm looking for it. 103 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,141 Now? Can't it wait? 104 00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:44,143 No. When Chester wakes up from his nap, he's gonna want his bone. 105 00:06:44,144 --> 00:06:46,642 You can keep talking. 106 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:53,465 Okay, well, as I said, if you won't be reasonable, I'll just have to- 107 00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:58,187 Have to what, Alan? 108 00:06:58,648 --> 00:07:01,607 Son of a bitch. 109 00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:12,942 What the-? 110 00:07:13,736 --> 00:07:16,234 We need to talk. 111 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,195 - Okay. - I don't mind your girlfriends... 112 00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:25,363 ...throwing the occasional thong or panties into the hamper. 113 00:07:25,364 --> 00:07:28,989 I just boil them and sell them at the swap meet. 114 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:34,283 But this broad is taking advantage of my easy-going nature. 115 00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:38,825 Now, to be fair, Lydia does have her positive attributes. 116 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:43,827 Yeah, well, I ain't hitting any of them attributes, so I don't give a rat's ass. 117 00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:45,244 All right, all right. 118 00:07:45,245 --> 00:07:47,494 You know what she said to me, Charlie? 119 00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:50,245 She said I need to learn my place around here. 120 00:07:50,246 --> 00:07:51,912 Oh, she didn't. 121 00:07:51,913 --> 00:07:54,497 Ah, but she did. 122 00:07:55,665 --> 00:07:57,497 Is that true, Charlie? 123 00:07:57,498 --> 00:08:01,196 Do I need to learn my place around here? 124 00:08:01,666 --> 00:08:03,165 No, we all know your place. 125 00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,667 - Where is that place? - Wherever you want it to be. 126 00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:08,834 There is only room for one alpha dog in this house. 127 00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:10,918 - I know. - Who is that alpha dog, Charlie? 128 00:08:10,919 --> 00:08:12,126 - You are. - Say it. 129 00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,961 - You're the alpha dog. - Aw. 130 00:08:13,962 --> 00:08:16,460 You sweet talker you. 131 00:08:17,837 --> 00:08:21,405 We'll just pretend that's morning wood. 132 00:08:35,009 --> 00:08:37,343 Hey, how's it going? 133 00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:39,885 Well, look who's finally up. 134 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:42,052 I need some lotion on my back. 135 00:08:42,053 --> 00:08:44,261 Oh, sure. 136 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:47,304 Listen, I have to talk to you about Berta. 137 00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:50,712 For God's sake, Charlie, grow a pair. 138 00:08:52,306 --> 00:08:54,056 Is this your house or hers? 139 00:08:54,057 --> 00:08:57,806 Well, my name's on the deed, but she was here first. 140 00:08:57,807 --> 00:09:00,515 Thing is, over the years, Berta and I have developed... 141 00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:02,683 ...a really nice working relationship and- 142 00:09:02,684 --> 00:09:05,182 Do my thighs. 143 00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:07,934 Right. 144 00:09:07,935 --> 00:09:11,603 And the key to a happy home, I find, is to not rock the boat... 145 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,353 ...not tamper with that balance. 146 00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:16,479 - Make the effort to treat her- - Where is she now? 147 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,813 Huh? She went shopping. 148 00:09:18,814 --> 00:09:21,312 Anybody else around? 149 00:09:21,315 --> 00:09:23,230 No. Anyway, the thing with Berta- 150 00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:26,732 Why don't you put sunscreen on your cute little bottom? 151 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,691 - What for? - I wouldn't want you to get a nasty burn. 152 00:09:30,692 --> 00:09:33,191 Why would I get a nasty-? 153 00:09:34,152 --> 00:09:36,650 Oh, you mean sex. 154 00:09:37,069 --> 00:09:41,696 Good thing you're pretty because you're very slow. 155 00:09:44,922 --> 00:09:47,750 "Who's the alpha dog, Charlie?" 156 00:09:48,632 --> 00:09:51,130 "Grow a pair, Charlie." 157 00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:57,006 Hey, Alan, come here. 158 00:09:57,468 --> 00:09:59,091 What's going on? 159 00:09:59,092 --> 00:10:00,884 I'm doing Lydia's laundry. 160 00:10:00,885 --> 00:10:03,713 Can I throw in my handkerchief? 161 00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:07,969 It wouldn't help. You probably have to burn it. 162 00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,928 Okay. And why are you doing Lydia's laundry? 163 00:10:10,929 --> 00:10:12,512 Because Berta won't. 164 00:10:12,513 --> 00:10:16,263 - Then why doesn't Lydia do it herself? - Because I told her I'd get Berta to do it. 165 00:10:16,264 --> 00:10:17,722 Aha. 166 00:10:17,723 --> 00:10:19,681 Do you have any idea how to do laundry? 167 00:10:19,682 --> 00:10:22,348 You wash them, you dry them, how tough could it be? 168 00:10:22,349 --> 00:10:24,987 So, what do you need me for? 169 00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:27,516 Which one's the washer? 170 00:10:30,518 --> 00:10:33,602 - That one. - Thanks. 171 00:10:34,853 --> 00:10:37,442 Just kidding, it's that one. 172 00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:41,484 Sorry, it was the first one. 173 00:10:41,897 --> 00:10:44,934 Look, it says "wash" on the dial. 174 00:10:45,565 --> 00:10:49,398 Okay. Okay, I can do this. I just turn it on and stick them in. 175 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:53,816 It's a washing machine, not a cocktail waitress. 176 00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:57,664 Let's start by separating her delicates. 177 00:10:57,734 --> 00:11:01,462 How is that not like a cocktail waitress? 178 00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:05,361 The reason you do these separately is they're mostly synthetic. 179 00:11:05,362 --> 00:11:10,737 Add a beat-up Civic and an ex-husband and we're back to cocktail waitress. 180 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,280 Charming. Hand me the detergent. 181 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,989 This stuff here? 182 00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:21,741 No, no, that's fabric softener. You put that in after the first rinse cycle. 183 00:11:21,742 --> 00:11:25,617 You know what? Maybe I'll just buy her some new clothes. 184 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,576 Don't be such a baby. 185 00:11:27,577 --> 00:11:30,411 Detergent. See? 186 00:11:30,577 --> 00:11:33,076 There we go. 187 00:11:33,578 --> 00:11:37,788 Cold wash, cold rinse, gentle cycle, done. 188 00:11:39,664 --> 00:11:42,162 What's that? 189 00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:47,082 That would be water entering the washing machine. 190 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,581 Amazing. 191 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,037 Yeah, it's pretty cutting edge. 192 00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:02,835 Did I break it? 193 00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:05,419 Close the lid. 194 00:12:08,631 --> 00:12:11,129 Son of a gun. 195 00:12:23,427 --> 00:12:26,095 What will they think of next? 196 00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,427 Yeah, I hear scientists are working on a machine... 197 00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:34,425 ...that can cook two pieces of bread at the same time. 198 00:12:39,182 --> 00:12:41,306 Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny. Now what? 199 00:12:41,307 --> 00:12:42,973 We wait. 200 00:12:42,974 --> 00:12:45,432 - How will we know when they're done? - Don't worry. 201 00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,808 The machine will call you on your cell phone. 202 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,307 Really? 203 00:12:58,103 --> 00:13:01,228 I don't know what Berta's always complaining about. This is fun. 204 00:13:01,229 --> 00:13:03,770 Well, you're dealing with pretty girl underwear. 205 00:13:03,771 --> 00:13:08,230 Berta's gotta handle Jake's skivvies after P.E. and pudding pops. 206 00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:10,730 Good point. 207 00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:13,606 - What are you doing? - Pouring a glass of vodka. 208 00:13:13,607 --> 00:13:17,442 Is that part of doing the laundry? Because I could really get into this. 209 00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:19,608 No, I'm just mad at myself. 210 00:13:19,609 --> 00:13:21,901 Well, in that case, pour me one. 211 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,400 I'm mad at you too. 212 00:13:26,112 --> 00:13:29,112 - So, what's the problem? - I went over to Kandi's again. 213 00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:30,487 And how did that go? 214 00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:32,529 Not only are we not selling the condo... 215 00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:35,363 ...I may have promised to buy her a new fridge. 216 00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:36,989 - Alan. - She likes getting ice... 217 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:39,115 ...without having to open the door. 218 00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:41,115 You poor whipped sap. 219 00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:43,949 - Me? What about you? - What about me? 220 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:46,200 - Charlie, you're doing a woman's laundry. - No. 221 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,242 That's just me trying to pitch in. 222 00:13:48,243 --> 00:13:51,118 Face it. Lydia's got you wrapped around her little finger. 223 00:13:51,119 --> 00:13:53,618 She does not. 224 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:56,118 She uses this one. 225 00:13:56,745 --> 00:14:00,603 And it's not so much wrapped as skewered. 226 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,831 Who's using my washing machine? 227 00:14:04,832 --> 00:14:08,957 Excuse me, but it's my washing machine and I'm using it to wash Lydia's clothes. 228 00:14:08,958 --> 00:14:10,457 You're doing laundry? 229 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,666 Hey, it's not rocket science. 230 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,792 Cold wash, cold rinse, gentle cycle. 231 00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:17,251 But first, you separate the delicates. 232 00:14:17,252 --> 00:14:20,290 - Is that so? - Yeah, that's so. 233 00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:24,293 That's probably them now. 234 00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,045 Hello? 235 00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:32,833 Oh, hey, Mom. I thought you were my washing machine. 236 00:14:41,801 --> 00:14:45,509 Oh, come on, throw the ball, throw the ball. 237 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,009 Or fall down. 238 00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:52,262 - Charlie, I'm leaving. - Bye. 239 00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:57,011 I'd like a kiss. 240 00:15:02,389 --> 00:15:05,108 She's still there, isn't she? 241 00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:07,432 Yep. 242 00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,266 Just kidding, sweetie. 243 00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:10,850 That's better. 244 00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,433 Goodbye, Jake. 245 00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:14,309 I'm not kissing you. 246 00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:18,185 Charlie, I almost forgot. I'm serving hors d'oeuvres at an open house tomorrow. 247 00:15:18,186 --> 00:15:20,311 So I'll borrow Berta for a couple of hours. 248 00:15:20,312 --> 00:15:22,478 Say what? 249 00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:23,936 I'm talking to Charlie. 250 00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:25,979 You don't mind, do you? 251 00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:29,577 - Mind? Well, I- - You wanna borrow me? 252 00:15:29,647 --> 00:15:32,357 What am I, a carpet steamer? 253 00:15:32,648 --> 00:15:36,274 I'm not saying I won't pay you. Plus, you can take home all the leftovers. 254 00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:40,859 Why don't you just toss them all in a big bowl and I'll eat them out in the yard. 255 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:44,109 That's a little uncalled for. I thought I was doing you a favor. 256 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,193 You wanna do me a favor? Take the money you were gonna pay me... 257 00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:49,986 ...convert it into rolls of nickels, then bend over and- 258 00:15:49,987 --> 00:15:52,485 Berta, Berta, Berta. 259 00:15:55,613 --> 00:15:59,448 I don't have to stand here and listen to this. You have to make a decision. 260 00:15:59,449 --> 00:16:02,324 It's her or me. 261 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,989 The skank's right, Charlie. 262 00:16:05,783 --> 00:16:08,281 It's her or me. 263 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:12,118 Great. 264 00:16:12,119 --> 00:16:14,617 That's just great. 265 00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:19,302 Did somebody say there was a big bowl of food? 266 00:16:23,622 --> 00:16:25,705 You got an offer on the condo? 267 00:16:25,706 --> 00:16:28,289 Oh, Mom, you're a lifesaver. 268 00:16:28,290 --> 00:16:30,832 I don't care. I fully expect to take a loss. 269 00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:33,874 At least I don't have to pay you a commission. 270 00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:36,667 Oh, come on, you're my mother. 271 00:16:36,668 --> 00:16:39,334 Wait, wait. Hang on, I've got another call coming in. 272 00:16:39,335 --> 00:16:43,752 Hello? Oh, Kandi. Kandi, hello. Yeah, listen, about the condo. 273 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,503 My mom just got a very reasonable offer and- 274 00:16:47,504 --> 00:16:50,462 I give up, what are you wearing? 275 00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:55,513 Hang on. Mom, I gotta go. Kandi, I'll be right there. 276 00:16:58,132 --> 00:17:00,006 Hey, is Berta here? 277 00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:02,508 - I haven't seen her. - Great. 278 00:17:02,509 --> 00:17:05,675 I admit, I never thought you'd have the cojones to fire Berta. 279 00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:07,634 Are you kidding? 280 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:13,741 I've got huge cojones. Why do you think I wear these baggy shorts? 281 00:17:15,012 --> 00:17:18,080 Wait, wait, wait. You fired Berta? 282 00:17:18,097 --> 00:17:19,887 Yes, Alan. 283 00:17:19,888 --> 00:17:22,305 She didn't know her place and she had to go. 284 00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:25,264 But we can't live without Berta. 285 00:17:26,015 --> 00:17:27,723 I'll be right there, sweetie. 286 00:17:27,724 --> 00:17:30,222 Hurry. 287 00:17:30,725 --> 00:17:33,642 You know what? We need to work on our communication skills. 288 00:17:33,643 --> 00:17:34,892 I always thought that. 289 00:17:34,893 --> 00:17:39,477 - I didn't think you'd be open- - No, no, no, you jackass. 290 00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:43,937 God, you play along like a monkey with a mandolin. 291 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:47,312 - You mean you didn't fire Berta? - That's it, give me the mandolin. 292 00:17:47,313 --> 00:17:50,146 You promised Berta you'd get rid of Lydia. 293 00:17:50,147 --> 00:17:52,980 - Alan, do you know what this is? - No. 294 00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:55,520 Then shut your stupid mouth. 295 00:17:55,690 --> 00:17:57,982 And don't tell Berta she was here. 296 00:17:57,983 --> 00:18:00,608 Fine. Just give me a heads up when you're lying. 297 00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:03,107 I'm always lying. 298 00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:05,859 I'll give you a heads up when I'm not. 299 00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:09,110 Yeah, you're the smart one. Know how I know? 300 00:18:09,111 --> 00:18:12,629 The washing machine called and told me. 301 00:18:18,572 --> 00:18:21,320 Ooh! High heels and Cool Whip. 302 00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:33,493 Oh, Charlie, how could you? 303 00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:37,076 Berta, this is not what it looks like. 304 00:18:37,077 --> 00:18:39,077 Charlie, you lied to me. 305 00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:42,566 Lydia, this is not what it looks like. 306 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,496 - That's it, I'm out of here. - Me too. 307 00:18:45,497 --> 00:18:51,023 Berta? Lydia? Come on, wait. This is not what it looks like. 308 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:56,886 Say it a few more times, Charlie. Maybe somebody'll believe you. 309 00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:02,876 Berta. Berta, Berta, Berta. Wait, wait, wait. You can't quit. 310 00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:06,043 - Why not? - We're family. We love each other. 311 00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:09,670 - We forgive each other our shortcomings. - Oh, bite me. 312 00:19:09,671 --> 00:19:11,212 Don't go. Don't go. 313 00:19:11,213 --> 00:19:13,379 I promise I'll break it off with her. 314 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:17,171 No, you won't. You wanna know why? Because you are addicted to this broad. 315 00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:20,256 Oh, that's ridiculous. I can stop any time I want. 316 00:19:20,257 --> 00:19:24,632 No, you can't. You're a nookie junkie and I just can't trust you anymore. 317 00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:28,093 No, no, no. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 318 00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:31,884 You're right. 319 00:19:31,885 --> 00:19:33,677 I am addicted. 320 00:19:33,678 --> 00:19:39,011 I've got a vagina on my back, but I know I can get it off. 321 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,510 I mean, you gotta help me. 322 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,180 I can't help you, pal. You've gotta help yourself. 323 00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:46,806 - Goodbye, Charlie. - Oh, come on, Berta, don't go. 324 00:19:46,807 --> 00:19:49,890 - I'll do anything. - I'm leaving now. 325 00:19:49,891 --> 00:19:51,640 You don't have to. 326 00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:54,140 I just fired her. 327 00:19:54,392 --> 00:19:55,891 Goodbye, Charlie. 328 00:19:55,892 --> 00:20:00,329 Oh, come on, Lydia, don't go. I'll do anything. 329 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,644 You know what? I don't need either one of you. 330 00:20:03,645 --> 00:20:08,502 I can do my own laundry and I've got my own finger. 331 00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:19,098 I don't like it here. 332 00:20:19,099 --> 00:20:22,266 Well, tough. This is the only way I could get Berta to come back. 333 00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:23,850 But why do I have to be here? 334 00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:28,560 Because it's the only way you're ever gonna sell your condo. 335 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,059 Okay, let's get started. 336 00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:33,561 Welcome to our regular Monday night meeting. 337 00:20:33,562 --> 00:20:36,060 Do we have any newcomers? 338 00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:46,790 My name is Charlie and my maid says I'm a sex addict. 339 00:20:47,108 --> 00:20:49,606 Hi, Charlie. 340 00:20:58,486 --> 00:21:01,695 Hi. I'm Alan... 341 00:21:02,905 --> 00:21:06,392 ...and I have a lovely condo for sale. 342 00:21:07,864 --> 00:21:09,989 And I'm a sex addict. 343 00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:11,655 Hi, Alan. 344 00:21:11,656 --> 00:21:14,155 It's priced to move. 345 00:21:18,950 --> 00:21:21,449 Hi, my name is Pam... 346 00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:23,743 ...and I'm a sex addict. 347 00:21:23,744 --> 00:21:26,242 Hi, Pam.