1
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,720
Oh, yeah. I am a finely tuned machine.

2
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,200
- Hello.
- Are you a friend of Charlie's?

3
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,680
I'm his brother.

4
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,320
So, no.

5
00:00:27,359 --> 00:00:29,880
- I'm Gabrielle.
- Nice to meet you.

6
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,480
I'm Alan.

7
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:35,160
Or, as you would say, "Alan."

8
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,120
Why would I say that?

9
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,720
No reason. I'm a little dehydrated.

10
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,800
- So you are a cyclist.
- A what?

11
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,320
A cyclist? You know, with your bicycle.

12
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,520
Yes, yes. I'm very passionate about...

13
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,880
..."bicycling."

14
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,840
I even have a stationary "cycle."

15
00:01:01,239 --> 00:01:03,680
I also jog and ab-crunch...

16
00:01:03,839 --> 00:01:08,520
<i>...and, of course, les buns of steel.</i>

17
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,040
- Nice, huh?
- Nice? She's magnificent.

18
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,480
- You should see her naked.
- Can I?

19
00:01:26,599 --> 00:01:28,360
Well, I could show you some pictures...

20
00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:30,560
...but you may not wanna see
that much of me.

21
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,560
Just out of curiosity,
where do you find women like that?

22
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:39,160
And, more importantly, how do you
get them to go to bed with you?

23
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,799
- You really wanna know?
- Yeah. What's your secret?

24
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:47,280
Well, you see, Alan, it's like this:

25
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,800
I got a knack.

26
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,560
- That's not a secret.
- Well, I didn't think so, but you asked.

27
00:01:57,999 --> 00:02:01,880
- So that's it? You've got a knack?
- Hey, everybody's good at something.

28
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,520
You, for instance...

29
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,640
...have no shame.

30
00:02:10,079 --> 00:02:12,920
Excuse me, this is what they wear
in the Tour de France.

31
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,600
Alan, I just took a Tour de France.

32
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,040
And the only thing I was wearing
was a smile and a condom.

33
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:36,993
- Hi, Judith. Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

34
00:02:37,473 --> 00:02:38,993
What's the matter with him?

35
00:02:39,153 --> 00:02:41,592
- His little girlfriend broke up with him.
- Oh, no.

36
00:02:41,753 --> 00:02:44,753
Yeah. I was hoping you could
talk to him, because, let's face it...

37
00:02:44,913 --> 00:02:46,753
...who knows more
about getting dumped?

38
00:02:49,793 --> 00:02:52,233
- Don't flatter me, Judith. I'll talk to him.
- I'm sorry.

39
00:02:52,393 --> 00:02:55,553
- That didn't come out the way I meant it.
- Really? How did you mean it?

40
00:02:55,713 --> 00:02:58,193
Couldn't you just take the "I'm sorry"?

41
00:02:58,953 --> 00:03:02,593
Couldn't you have just loved me?

42
00:03:05,233 --> 00:03:07,593
- Did I hear Numbnuts come in?
- Numbnuts?

43
00:03:07,753 --> 00:03:09,513
Sorry. Numbnuts Jr.

44
00:03:10,672 --> 00:03:13,993
- Lf you mean my son, yes, he's here.
- Crap.

45
00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:19,673
- What are you doing?
- Hiding my cookies.

46
00:03:20,473 --> 00:03:22,353
- Why?
- Because I just bought a new bag...

47
00:03:22,513 --> 00:03:25,153
...and I don't want that knucklehead
to eat them all.

48
00:03:25,433 --> 00:03:28,513
Oh, Charlie. You hide your cookies
from a little boy who loves you?

49
00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:31,353
"Little boy," my ass.
He's a bottomless pit.

50
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:35,713
And I'm tired of going for a snack and
having to lick cookie dust out of the bag.

51
00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,633
You might wanna take it easy on him.

52
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:39,513
- He's going through a breakup.
- Really?

53
00:03:39,673 --> 00:03:40,713
Yeah.

54
00:03:53,312 --> 00:03:55,232
Nope. My cookies.

55
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:05,433
- So how was school this week?
- Okay.

56
00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:08,793
- Anything noteworthy happen?
- No.

57
00:04:09,953 --> 00:04:11,353
Thought you said he got dumped.

58
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:23,273
- I was easing into it.
- Oh, good idea. Go ahead.

59
00:04:24,553 --> 00:04:26,873
Jake, sooner or later,
every guy gets dumped.

60
00:04:27,513 --> 00:04:30,352
Some guys get dumped sooner and later,
right, Alan?

61
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,472
Sorry. I should've eased into that.

62
00:04:35,873 --> 00:04:38,312
My point is, you've got nothing
to be embarrassed about.

63
00:04:38,473 --> 00:04:41,153
I'm not embarrassed. I'm angry.
She didn't even tell me why.

64
00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:44,593
She just sent me an e-mail saying she
doesn't wanna go out with me anymore.

65
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,153
Maybe she found somebody better.

66
00:04:46,313 --> 00:04:49,193
What do you mean, better?
Who's better than Jake?

67
00:04:51,553 --> 00:04:53,273
Why, no one, Alan.

68
00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:57,433
He's the pinnacle of male evolution.

69
00:04:58,393 --> 00:04:59,393
Thank you.

70
00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,433
Look, buddy,
I know exactly how you feel.

71
00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:05,833
When I was your age,
I was dating a beautiful girl:

72
00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:09,312
Charity Kirschenbaum.
I was crazy about her.

73
00:05:09,473 --> 00:05:12,592
Then, the night before junior prom,
she called and dumped me.

74
00:05:12,753 --> 00:05:14,953
Wouldn't even give me a reason.
I was devastated.

75
00:05:15,113 --> 00:05:17,633
- So, what'd you do?
- What could I do?

76
00:05:17,792 --> 00:05:19,353
How can you mend a broken heart?

77
00:05:19,513 --> 00:05:22,913
<i>How can you stop the rain
From falling down?</i>

78
00:05:26,913 --> 00:05:30,313
- You done?
- Unless you wanna hear "Jive Talkin'."

79
00:05:34,272 --> 00:05:35,512
The thing is, Jake...

80
00:05:35,673 --> 00:05:38,833
...that no matter how bad you feel now,
eventually, it'll pass.

81
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:41,353
You just have to be willing
to live with the pain.

82
00:05:41,512 --> 00:05:43,473
- No, he doesn't.
- Yes, he does.

83
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:45,953
Hang on, Dad.
What do you mean, no, I don't?

84
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,993
When you get dumped, don't
sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

85
00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:51,753
You go out and find another girl,
a better girl.

86
00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:54,113
Okay, but how am I
gonna get another girl?

87
00:05:54,272 --> 00:05:56,352
I don't know how I got this one.

88
00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:58,272
You don't know
how you got a girlfriend?

89
00:05:58,433 --> 00:05:59,912
No, it just kind of happened.

90
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:01,353
Yeah, I know how that goes.

91
00:06:02,993 --> 00:06:06,632
Wake up in the morning, and there
she is. Shut up. I know that was wrong.

92
00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:10,953
Look, Jake,
who is the cutest girl in your class?

93
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:13,393
- Nicole O'Malley.
- Okay, call Nicole O'Malley...

94
00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:15,952
...and ask her out.
- You drunk?

95
00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:17,992
A little.

96
00:06:20,192 --> 00:06:24,913
But this is a secret that will
serve you for the rest of your life:

97
00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:27,113
The hotter the girl, the Ionelier she is...

98
00:06:27,273 --> 00:06:29,512
...because most guys
are too scared to talk to her.

99
00:06:29,672 --> 00:06:31,113
- Really?
- Really?

100
00:06:31,673 --> 00:06:33,512
Trust me.

101
00:06:36,193 --> 00:06:38,432
Why couldn't you have said this
20 years ago?

102
00:06:38,592 --> 00:06:41,312
Come on, Dad.
I wasn't even born 20 years ago.

103
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:45,513
I really shouldn't be giving him advice
that could help him reproduce, should I?

104
00:07:00,193 --> 00:07:02,633
Oh, it's just you.

105
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:04,433
Hey.

106
00:07:06,432 --> 00:07:07,713
What are you doing?

107
00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:13,753
I am drinking some of your finest Scotch
and looking at my high-school yearbook.

108
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,353
Charity Kirschenbaum.

109
00:07:16,513 --> 00:07:19,913
I can't help wondering
how my life would've turned out...

110
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,952
...if she hadn't dumped me.

111
00:07:22,113 --> 00:07:23,832
Come on, your life turned out great.

112
00:07:26,592 --> 00:07:28,953
Well, it wouldn't have turned out
any better.

113
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:30,672
You know what?

114
00:07:30,832 --> 00:07:34,952
I'm gonna call her
and find out why she broke my heart.

115
00:07:35,112 --> 00:07:36,192
Good thinking.

116
00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:39,072
Call your high-school girlfriend drunk
at 2 in the morning.

117
00:07:39,232 --> 00:07:43,233
While you're at it, why don't you expose
yourself to an undercover policewoman?

118
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,553
Some people do that.

119
00:07:45,912 --> 00:07:49,833
I need closure. I need to understand
why she dumped me.

120
00:07:51,593 --> 00:07:52,752
What's to understand?

121
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,113
This is her.

122
00:07:58,632 --> 00:07:59,912
This is you.

123
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:04,113
Peaches-and-cream complexion.

124
00:08:04,712 --> 00:08:06,072
You.

125
00:08:07,472 --> 00:08:09,232
Cheerleader.

126
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:10,472
You.

127
00:08:12,352 --> 00:08:14,072
Stop me any time.

128
00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:17,432
I don't care. I got her number
off the Internet, and I'm calling her.

129
00:08:17,592 --> 00:08:19,153
Oh, man.

130
00:08:19,313 --> 00:08:22,152
When are they gonna invent a phone
with a Breathalyzer lock?

131
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,352
It's ringing.

132
00:08:25,193 --> 00:08:26,472
Hello?

133
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,472
Hello? Is this Charity?

134
00:08:29,952 --> 00:08:32,473
Hi, Charity. This is Alan Harper.

135
00:08:33,232 --> 00:08:35,712
Yeah, yeah, from high school.

136
00:08:35,872 --> 00:08:37,592
Anyway...

137
00:08:38,513 --> 00:08:40,553
Yeah, I know it's late.

138
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:42,872
Yeah, I know I'm drunk.

139
00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:46,152
Listen, I just need to ask you
one question.

140
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,193
Why did you dump me
on the night before junior prom?

141
00:08:53,873 --> 00:08:55,952
Okay. Okay.

142
00:08:56,112 --> 00:08:58,912
Okay, thanks. Go back to sleep.

143
00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:04,632
She said, to ask my brother, Cha...

144
00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:09,312
- rlie.

145
00:09:19,632 --> 00:09:21,433
Oh, that's why.

146
00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:31,210
Morning.

147
00:09:31,369 --> 00:09:32,850
Morning.

148
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:38,089
You found the stash, huh?

149
00:09:38,409 --> 00:09:39,810
Wasn't well-hidden.

150
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,130
Okay, just for the record,
that stuff's medicinal.

151
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,969
I've got glaucoma.

152
00:09:45,129 --> 00:09:47,650
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing.

153
00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:53,810
- Morning.
- Morning.

154
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,690
- So where'd you disappear to last night?
- Me?

155
00:09:56,850 --> 00:09:58,409
I decided to take a little drive...

156
00:09:58,569 --> 00:10:01,730
...give you a chance to calm down
about Charity Kirschenbaum.

157
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:04,009
- I'm perfectly calm.
- Good.

158
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:06,329
Who's Charity Kirschenbaum?

159
00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:09,929
It's just a little thing that's
not worth getting upset about, and...

160
00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:12,450
Hey, what the hell are you doing
with my cookies?

161
00:10:12,969 --> 00:10:15,169
- They're yours?
- You know they're mine.

162
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:20,810
Oh, so you're saying I took something
that belonged to you, and you're upset?

163
00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:26,689
Oh, come on, Alan.

164
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:30,570
I loved Charity Kirschenbaum, and
you stole her right out from under me.

165
00:10:30,769 --> 00:10:33,209
He's speaking metaphorically, right?

166
00:10:34,089 --> 00:10:36,009
Yeah. He was never on top of that.

167
00:10:37,609 --> 00:10:42,729
- I would've been, if it weren't for you.
- Okay, fine. I took your girl 20 years ago.

168
00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:46,890
That calls for maybe five, six cookies,
tops, not the whole damn bag.

169
00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:49,289
I had to go to junior prom
with cousin Phoebe.

170
00:10:49,969 --> 00:10:53,009
- She was cute.
- She was 12 and in a body cast.

171
00:10:53,170 --> 00:10:55,009
Well, so what? She was your cousin.

172
00:10:55,169 --> 00:10:57,330
She could've been 18
and in a cellophane bikini...

173
00:10:57,489 --> 00:10:59,490
...and you weren't gonna get any.

174
00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:03,529
You are a horrible human being,
and I hope you burn in hell.

175
00:11:05,169 --> 00:11:09,289
- So we're good?
- No! We're not good!

176
00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:11,690
We suck!

177
00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:15,649
- Freshen that up for you?
- Thanks.

178
00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:19,370
You betrayed me!

179
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:23,090
I hate you!

180
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:26,370
I hate you! I hate you!

181
00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:30,370
I hate you!

182
00:11:31,529 --> 00:11:34,009
Sounds like he's going for a bike ride.

183
00:11:37,169 --> 00:11:39,249
Hello? Nicole O'Malley?

184
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:40,930
Jake Harper here.

185
00:11:41,089 --> 00:11:44,729
Harper. I sit next to you
in geometry class.

186
00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:46,410
No, the other side.

187
00:11:46,569 --> 00:11:48,129
Yeah, with the big head.

188
00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:53,209
I was wondering if you would go
to the winter dance with me.

189
00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:56,849
Really? Are you sure?

190
00:11:57,009 --> 00:12:01,009
Well, great.
I guess I'll see you at school. Bye.

191
00:12:01,890 --> 00:12:04,930
- Uncle Charlie's a genius.
- In a sense.

192
00:12:05,769 --> 00:12:08,770
But there's book smart and "look smart."

193
00:12:11,809 --> 00:12:14,089
- Would you get that, Berta?
- What?

194
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,369
- The door.
- I can't hear you.

195
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:20,929
- I said, would you get the door?
- I can't. I'm upstairs.

196
00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:28,609
Hi, Judith. Jake, your mom's here.

197
00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:31,169
- Did you talk to him?
- I did.

198
00:12:31,329 --> 00:12:33,170
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, honey. How's it going?

199
00:12:33,329 --> 00:12:37,169
- Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius.
- Good, good.

200
00:12:37,529 --> 00:12:39,490
- You said you talked to him.
- I did.

201
00:12:39,649 --> 00:12:43,170
- Then why is Uncle Charlie a genius?
- Because he never got married.

202
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:49,609
Oh, that's gonna come back
to bite me in the ass.

203
00:12:51,849 --> 00:12:55,209
And here it comes, jaws a-snapping.

204
00:12:56,249 --> 00:12:58,689
All right, I'm sorry.

205
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:01,409
Why are you sorry?

206
00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:04,769
I just find it's easier that way.

207
00:13:05,609 --> 00:13:07,730
Okay. Is Charlie at home?

208
00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:10,289
Oh, no.
He went out a couple of hours ago.

209
00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,889
I've been trying to call him on his cell,
but he doesn't answer.

210
00:13:14,049 --> 00:13:16,650
- Well, please tell him I stopped by.
- Sure thing.

211
00:13:18,209 --> 00:13:19,849
Gabrielle?

212
00:13:21,729 --> 00:13:23,169
Forgive me if I'm out of line...

213
00:13:23,329 --> 00:13:28,489
...but I sense a Ioneliness inside you.

214
00:13:30,529 --> 00:13:33,769
- Is it so obvious?
- I'm right?

215
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,689
Oh, yes. But how could you know?

216
00:13:37,689 --> 00:13:39,129
We're two of a kind.

217
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:45,009
I myself have tasted
the saltiness of Ionely tears.

218
00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:49,889
- We have much to share.
- We do indeed. Come on in.

219
00:13:51,729 --> 00:13:54,849
First his cookies, now his croissant.

220
00:13:57,769 --> 00:14:02,609
Well, in my experience, I've found that
the more beautiful the woman is...

221
00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:03,969
...the Ionelier she is.

222
00:14:04,129 --> 00:14:07,489
That's very true. How do you
know so much about women?

223
00:14:07,849 --> 00:14:10,249
What can I say? I have a knack.

224
00:14:12,969 --> 00:14:15,849
- Hey.
- Oh, hello, Charlie.

225
00:14:16,009 --> 00:14:17,729
Gee, how embarrassing.

226
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:21,809
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, dear. This is so difficult.

227
00:14:21,969 --> 00:14:24,169
No, it's not. Go ahead, tell him. Tell him.

228
00:14:24,729 --> 00:14:30,729
Charlie, you're a wonderful man, but
your brother, he really understands me.

229
00:14:31,369 --> 00:14:32,849
So, what are you saying?

230
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:35,809
It's just...

231
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:37,769
l...

232
00:14:38,489 --> 00:14:41,449
- I can't.
- I can. She's dumping you for me.

233
00:14:42,209 --> 00:14:44,809
This is so awkward. I must go.

234
00:14:44,969 --> 00:14:47,529
Please forgive me?

235
00:14:53,489 --> 00:14:54,609
How does it feel?

236
00:14:55,409 --> 00:14:57,449
- I'm stunned.
- Good, good. What else?

237
00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:59,809
- You snaked my girlfriend?
- Yes, I did.

238
00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:02,289
I snaked her. Like a cobra.

239
00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:07,849
- And you did it just to hurt me?
- Well, not just to hurt you.

240
00:15:08,009 --> 00:15:09,809
Well, yeah, just to hurt you.

241
00:15:11,049 --> 00:15:13,009
I don't know what to say.

242
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:17,089
- I'm crushed.
- That's good. Say that. "I'm crushed."

243
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:21,249
My own brother
purposefully set out to hurt me.

244
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,169
Oh, no. Oh, no.
You're not taking this away from me.

245
00:15:25,329 --> 00:15:27,608
What about you
and Charity Kirschenbaum?

246
00:15:27,769 --> 00:15:32,289
I was 17, Alan. I was a horny idiot.
But you, you're an adult.

247
00:15:32,449 --> 00:15:35,329
Okay. I see where you're going,
and it's not gonna work.

248
00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:37,609
You're not taking this away from me.

249
00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:41,449
I really thought our relationship
had grown beyond this petty crap.

250
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,649
I thought I could count on you.

251
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,289
I thought you were my friend.

252
00:15:50,009 --> 00:15:52,449
Son of a bitch. He took it away from me.

253
00:16:04,169 --> 00:16:05,889
Oh, hey. You're here.

254
00:16:06,489 --> 00:16:07,969
Where am I gonna go, Alan?

255
00:16:10,089 --> 00:16:13,169
- You took my girl.
- And I feel awful about that.

256
00:16:14,809 --> 00:16:18,208
- It doesn't matter.
- It does matter. I made a terrible mistake.

257
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,968
I did the worst thing I could possibly do.

258
00:16:21,609 --> 00:16:23,529
I lowered myself to your level.

259
00:16:25,409 --> 00:16:27,688
You know what I mean.
I love you. You're my brother.

260
00:16:27,849 --> 00:16:31,049
- I wouldn't hurt you for the world.
- Actions speak louder than words.

261
00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:33,969
You're right. Okay. Here's an action.

262
00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:40,329
You bought me a bag of cookies.

263
00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:42,689
Sure, that should make up
for stealing Gabrielle.

264
00:16:45,049 --> 00:16:47,409
How about three bags?

265
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:51,249
And I'm breaking it off with her.
You can have her back.

266
00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:52,969
Have her back?

267
00:16:53,129 --> 00:16:55,808
What is wrong with you?
She's not a lawn mower you borrowed.

268
00:16:57,329 --> 00:17:00,649
You can't just hose off the blades
and give her back.

269
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,329
- But... But...
- "But" nothing.

270
00:17:04,489 --> 00:17:07,929
She dumped me because she likes you.
So, what are you gonna say to her, Alan?

271
00:17:08,089 --> 00:17:11,848
"I was just using you to punish Charlie
for something that happened"?

272
00:17:12,009 --> 00:17:14,848
I probably wouldn't use those words.

273
00:17:15,008 --> 00:17:18,889
You can't ease your conscience
about hurting me by hurting her.

274
00:17:19,049 --> 00:17:21,769
So you're saying
you want me to keep seeing her?

275
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:24,649
I'm saying
I want you to do the right thing.

276
00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:28,008
- And then you'll forgive me?
- Yes, then I'll forgive you.

277
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:32,848
Well, okay.

278
00:17:33,289 --> 00:17:37,809
For you,
I'll keep seeing the gorgeous woman.

279
00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:40,009
Thank you.

280
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:42,688
You're welcome.

281
00:17:47,409 --> 00:17:50,969
- Okay, so, what's the catch?
- Catch?

282
00:17:51,289 --> 00:17:53,729
I don't know what you're talking about.

283
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:59,249
So are you sure
everything's okay with Charlie?

284
00:17:59,408 --> 00:18:02,969
Everything's great with Charlie.
Charlie's fine. Forget Charlie.

285
00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:08,328
Well, you know, like the song:

286
00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:22,488
Okay.

287
00:18:23,209 --> 00:18:24,209
I'm ready.

288
00:18:26,809 --> 00:18:28,969
- Excuse me?
- Go ahead.

289
00:18:29,129 --> 00:18:31,088
Get it over with.

290
00:18:31,769 --> 00:18:34,889
- I'm not sure I follow.
- Do what you have to do.

291
00:18:35,049 --> 00:18:37,408
Just hurry.

292
00:18:38,209 --> 00:18:40,809
But don't you wanna start
with some kissing...

293
00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:43,208
...and, you know, foreplay?

294
00:18:43,728 --> 00:18:45,609
No, thank you.

295
00:18:46,768 --> 00:18:48,808
How about a smile?

296
00:18:53,289 --> 00:18:55,128
Better?

297
00:18:55,289 --> 00:18:57,328
Actually, worse.

298
00:18:57,929 --> 00:19:00,448
Could you close your eyes again?

299
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:15,089
- Where are you going?
- I have to brush my teeth.

300
00:19:15,528 --> 00:19:16,768
The bathroom's that way.

301
00:19:16,928 --> 00:19:19,489
Yeah, but my toothbrush is at home.
Bye-bye.

302
00:19:28,641 --> 00:19:30,922
- Hey.
- Hey.

303
00:19:31,441 --> 00:19:33,522
How'd it go with Gabrielle?

304
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:36,921
- I think you know how it went.
- Yeah, I do.

305
00:19:38,722 --> 00:19:40,841
It's kind of like necrophilia, isn't it?

306
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,761
- I didn't go through with it.
- Really?

307
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,161
I guess we're different that way.

308
00:19:47,761 --> 00:19:52,201
So I didn't really
steal her from you, did I?

309
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:55,961
- Nope.
- You were trying to get rid of her.

310
00:19:56,121 --> 00:20:00,921
Yep. But I didn't wanna hurt her feelings.
Thanks for helping me out with that.

311
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,081
Well, at least now we're even, right?

312
00:20:06,442 --> 00:20:08,001
- Not quite.
- What do you mean?

313
00:20:08,161 --> 00:20:11,401
Charlie. Coming back to bed?

314
00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:16,442
- Charity? Charity Kirschenbaum?
- Oh, hi, Alan. Long time no see.

315
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:19,001
Yeah, 20 years.

316
00:20:19,161 --> 00:20:21,441
She looks great, doesn't she?

317
00:20:21,601 --> 00:20:23,281
- Come on, baby.
- But...

318
00:20:23,442 --> 00:20:25,961
Now we're even.

319
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:38,522
I hate you!