1 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,240 Well, that was just lovely. 2 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,440 I do aim to please. 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,200 And after last time, I appreciate the aiming. 4 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,720 Hey, we made good time. I can let the babysitter go early. 5 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,520 The key is efficient foreplay. 6 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:25,480 Minimal attention to each breast before I meander to your dander. 7 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,040 - Spoon? - Sure. 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,320 And switch. 9 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,200 - That was fun. - It always is. 10 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,200 Okay, well, drive safe. 11 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,520 - I always do. - I know, I'm just a worrier. 12 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,279 I know you are. 13 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,520 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. 14 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,600 I get more tongue from my butcher. 15 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,960 I'm sorry, did you consider making your presence known? 16 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:10,920 Clear your throat, maybe a little cough? 17 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:14,600 I wanted to vomit, but I was afraid it might break the mood. 18 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,760 Hey, hey. Postcoital kissing is always more platonic. 19 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,159 - Is it? - Yes, because, well... 20 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,400 ...we both know where our mouths have been. 21 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:23,640 I see. 22 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,360 But in the bedroom, there was a lot of saliva... 23 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,960 ...and heat, and friction, believe you me. 24 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,200 - Really? - Yes, really. 25 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,040 It may not have been crazy, hot, monkey sex... 26 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,880 ...like when we first started dating. 27 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:43,479 But it was very much in the general category of jungle humping. 28 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,280 - Jungle humping? - Yes. 29 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,880 Maybe not tree swinging... 30 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,360 ...but certainly canoodling on some low-hanging branches. 31 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,560 You poor bastard. 32 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,720 Don't you dare feel sorry for me. 33 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,440 This is what an adult relationship looks like, Charlie. 34 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,280 People get comfortable with each other and develop a routine. 35 00:02:01,439 --> 00:02:03,639 And if it's not always fireworks and explosions... 36 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,599 ...well, that's a reasonable trade for a warm, collegial partnership. 37 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,399 You poor, poor bastard. 38 00:02:12,679 --> 00:02:14,680 This conversation is over. 39 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,000 If only. 40 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,400 Okay, it's boring. It's suffocating. 41 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,000 It's a deathwatch, but what choice do I have, Charlie? 42 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,440 Pretend I'm you? I'm not you. 43 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,400 I'm monogamous, settle-down guy who hangs onto a relationship... 44 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,880 ...until I'm looking at divorce papers or the pointy end of a steak knife. 45 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,520 Oh, that's a load of crap. 46 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,640 You're afraid if you let go of these broads you're never gonna get laid again. 47 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,080 Didn't I just say that? 48 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,801 Boxing sucks. 49 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,841 As always, you're entitled to your stupid opinion. 50 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,041 Why are you making it personal? I didn't make it personal. 51 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,560 In Ultimate Fighting, they kick, elbow. 52 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,040 They get a guy down and smash his head in the floor. 53 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,920 These guys just dance around and barely hit each other. 54 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,761 Okay, okay, listen to me. 55 00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:12,760 Boxing is a science. 56 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,721 Boxers don't just whale on each other... 57 00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:17,881 ...they strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening. 58 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,920 Gay. 59 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,480 And what's with the little pillows on their hands? 60 00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:29,080 Even if they hit each other, it wouldn't hurt. 61 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,481 Oh, does that hurt? 62 00:03:34,641 --> 00:03:36,681 - Yeah. - Good. 63 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,121 - Hey, what are you doing? - Uncle Charlie hit me. 64 00:03:40,281 --> 00:03:41,641 Good. 65 00:03:42,881 --> 00:03:44,921 - Where have you been? - I'll tell you later. 66 00:03:45,081 --> 00:03:48,041 Tell him now, I got better things to do. 67 00:03:49,841 --> 00:03:51,921 You promised he'd grow on me. 68 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,040 I lied. 69 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,121 - So where were you? - Well, I thought about what you said... 70 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,560 ...and I went over to Donna's house to break up with her. 71 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,200 - I'm proud of you. - Thanks. 72 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,640 I'm gonna meet her parents next weekend. 73 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,920 - But you just said... - I know, but I couldn't do it. 74 00:04:11,081 --> 00:04:14,001 I'm not capable of rejecting another human being. 75 00:04:14,281 --> 00:04:17,880 Wow, I'd think after all these years, you'd wanna get even. 76 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,040 I am in trouble here, Charlie. 77 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,721 How do I get out of a stagnant, joyless relationship? 78 00:04:24,121 --> 00:04:27,120 If I knew how to do that, you wouldn't still be living here. 79 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,640 Okay, first... 80 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,800 ...you gotta get your mind right. - How do I do that? 81 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,041 Close your eyes and imagine a parallel world... 82 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,520 ...where there's an Alan Harper exactly like you. 83 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,960 Except he's got a set of balls. 84 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,161 - You wanna help me here or not? - Hey, it's gotta be fun for me too. 85 00:04:57,761 --> 00:05:00,120 Fine. We'll just assume that your mind is right. 86 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,480 Now, before you do the actual dumping, there's a few things you gotta consider. 87 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,160 Like what? 88 00:05:07,321 --> 00:05:10,680 Does she have embarrassing photographs that could wind up on the Internet... 89 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:11,960 ...if she takes it badly? 90 00:05:12,121 --> 00:05:13,801 I'm not sure. 91 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,321 What do you mean? 92 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,480 Well, there's one of me naked, but I'm wearing a mask and a cape. 93 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,360 - I thought the sex was mundane. - Sadly, it still was. 94 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:25,321 Whatever, she can't use the picture. 95 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,481 Does she have your credit card information? 96 00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:29,841 - No. - Don't answer so quickly. 97 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,241 I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me... 98 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,880 ...and on my next statement there were charges... 99 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,881 ...for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. 100 00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:42,360 And I never got to play with either one of them. 101 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,960 You made your date pump gas? 102 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,720 I liked the song that was on the radio. 103 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,840 But back to the topic at hand. Does she own any chick weapons? 104 00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:54,200 Chick weapons? 105 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,801 You know, little guns, Tasers, pepper spray. 106 00:05:57,961 --> 00:06:00,120 Well, there's a baseball bat by her front door... 107 00:06:00,281 --> 00:06:02,280 ...but I think that's for intruders. 108 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,240 Yeah, I've made that mistake too. 109 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,600 Okay. Let's talk about the where, when and how. 110 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,880 Where: Always break up in public place. That way you avoid having a scene. 111 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:17,281 - That makes sense. - When: 112 00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:20,520 Before the desert menu comes out. Otherwise, you can find yourself... 113 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,840 ...with a lap full of hot coffee, which is not as fun as it sounds. 114 00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,080 That doesn't sound fun. 115 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,721 It sounds fun if you're wearing a couple of doughnuts. 116 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,200 Moving on to how. 117 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,560 What you wanna convey... 118 00:06:37,721 --> 00:06:41,240 ...is your undying affection and gratitude for your time spent together... 119 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,680 ...coupled with your need for space to find out who you really are. 120 00:06:44,841 --> 00:06:46,520 - But that's crap. - It's all crap. 121 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,681 You know it, she knows it, everybody knows it. 122 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,280 All we're trying to do... 123 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,081 ...is keep her from taking batting practice on your kidneys. 124 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,640 Why would she go for my kidneys? 125 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,240 Because you'll be running away covering your head. 126 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,721 Okay, okay. So I take her to dinner, and then before the coffee comes... 127 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,440 ...I tell her that while I have strong feelings for her... 128 00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:06,521 ...I need time to find out who I really am. 129 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:07,960 Excellent. 130 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,560 Maybe I could throw in some stuff about how I'm still reeling from my divorce. 131 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,160 Don't improvise. You don't have the chops for it. 132 00:07:15,161 --> 00:07:16,880 - Sorry. - No problem. 133 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,520 - I do appreciate the advice. - You're very welcome. 134 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,760 A mask and a cape, and the sex was boring? 135 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,440 What can I say? She still knew it was me. 136 00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:42,440 How do I look? 137 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,480 What difference does it make? You're breaking up. 138 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,680 I don't want my clothes to say "come hither." 139 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:52,680 Don't worry. As always, they say "your regular teacher is sick." 140 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,320 - Are we clear on everything I told you? - Yes. 141 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,640 I'm gonna go to her house, pick her up, take her to the restaurant... 142 00:08:01,521 --> 00:08:04,240 Pick her up? You're supposed to meet her there. 143 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,680 - Why? - What do you mean, why? 144 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,440 You're gonna break up with her and then drive her home? 145 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,840 You'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of your car. 146 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,400 - You didn't say anything about that. - It's common sense. 147 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,640 Do you know why Custer and Sitting Bull didn't share a pony to Little Bighorn? 148 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,920 They knew there were gonna be hurt feelings... 149 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,320 ...and the ride home would be awkward. 150 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,240 - I'm just gonna call her and reschedule. - No, no, no, you're not. 151 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,480 Here's what you do. 152 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,760 You're gonna pick her up, have a nice dinner... 153 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,000 ...drive her home and walk her to her door. 154 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,720 - What if she asks me in? - No, never go inside. 155 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,720 Everything in her house is a potential weapon. 156 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,480 Everything? 157 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,160 I was once blinded for two days by potpourri. 158 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,280 So you just walk her to her door... 159 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,080 ...take her by the hand... 160 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,400 ...and tell her that you've had wonderful times... 161 00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,640 ...and those are the memories you will cherish. 162 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,400 You know, we did have wonderful times. 163 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:06,680 Hiking in Catalina, go-carting in Oxnard... 164 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,920 ...Oktoberfest in Rosemead. 165 00:09:10,359 --> 00:09:13,320 What a day that was. Sharing bratwurst and sauerkraut... 166 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,400 ...while listening to the battle of the oompah bands. 167 00:09:17,079 --> 00:09:18,999 Oh, God. Do you think I'm making a mistake? 168 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,640 No, no, no. The mind plays tricks on us. It only remembers the good times. 169 00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:26,679 Or in your case, the creepy, pathetic times. 170 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,840 - But I still... - Don't worry, Alan. 171 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,439 There'll be other broads to share your bratwurst with. 172 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,600 You're right, I have to do this. 173 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,079 But wait, what...? What if she starts crying? 174 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,080 You hold her in your arms, whisper that this is best for both of you... 175 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,480 ...then turn around and walk away like a man. 176 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,599 Unless you hear a distinct metallic click, then zigzag and roll. 177 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,280 Hi. Come on in. 178 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,200 That's okay, I'm kind of hungry. Let's just go. 179 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,880 Well, actually, I thought we could stay in tonight. 180 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,359 - Really? - I'm making fondue. 181 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,360 - Come on. - Oh, goody. 182 00:10:18,519 --> 00:10:20,719 Hot cheese and long, sharp forks. 183 00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:43,466 This movie is stupid. 184 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,545 This movie is a classic. 185 00:10:46,706 --> 00:10:50,226 It's been 40 minutes and we haven't even seen the shark yet. 186 00:10:50,385 --> 00:10:54,146 That's because they're building suspense, letting you use your imagination. 187 00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:57,785 You know what I'm imagining? A better movie. 188 00:10:58,506 --> 00:11:01,546 - It's a classic, Jake. - I'll tell you what's a classic. 189 00:11:01,706 --> 00:11:02,985 Snakes on a Plane. 190 00:11:03,545 --> 00:11:06,425 First, you're in an airplane, which is scary to begin with... 191 00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:08,386 ...and then it's all filled with snakes. 192 00:11:08,546 --> 00:11:09,985 And they're everywhere. 193 00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:13,586 They're in the overhead compartments, in the bathrooms, in the vomit bags. 194 00:11:15,226 --> 00:11:17,786 You need to throw up, open the bag, snake. 195 00:11:18,225 --> 00:11:20,106 Sounds gripping. 196 00:11:20,265 --> 00:11:21,986 Snake. 197 00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,066 Snake. 198 00:11:31,866 --> 00:11:34,786 - That's it. We're out of here. - Where are we going? 199 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:38,146 Someplace public, where killing you would get me in trouble. 200 00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,745 Fine. 201 00:11:39,905 --> 00:11:41,466 Snake. 202 00:11:43,025 --> 00:11:44,825 - Great fondue, Donna. - Glad you liked it. 203 00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:47,626 Oh, don't forget to put away the little forks. 204 00:11:47,906 --> 00:11:50,826 Thanks. Be right back. 205 00:11:57,346 --> 00:11:59,225 Oh, good Lord. 206 00:12:02,826 --> 00:12:04,705 We've had wonderful times together, Donna. 207 00:12:04,865 --> 00:12:07,386 And those are memories I will always cherish. 208 00:12:07,546 --> 00:12:09,505 - What? - Nothing. 209 00:12:13,225 --> 00:12:15,026 The potpourri. 210 00:12:27,465 --> 00:12:28,705 I made coffee. 211 00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:31,346 - Hot coffee? - Well, yeah. 212 00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:33,385 Of course it's hot. 213 00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:38,705 Oh, my. That is potentially scalding. 214 00:12:38,865 --> 00:12:42,066 - Blow on it, silly. - Yes, blowing. 215 00:12:43,265 --> 00:12:44,625 You blow too. 216 00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:50,505 So listen, Donna, there's something we really need to talk about. 217 00:12:50,665 --> 00:12:54,186 - What's that? - Well, I was wondering. 218 00:12:54,745 --> 00:12:58,225 Are you completely happy in this relationship? 219 00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:01,465 - Oh, good, then it's not just me. - What do you mean? 220 00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,945 Well, I enjoy spending time with you... 221 00:13:04,105 --> 00:13:07,346 ...but, honey, I kind of feel like we're getting a little stale. 222 00:13:07,505 --> 00:13:09,666 Really? I thought it was going great. 223 00:13:09,825 --> 00:13:14,505 Come on, Alan. Our sex life is pathetic. We're just going through the motions. 224 00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,785 Well, now, hold on. Those motions are tried and true. 225 00:13:17,945 --> 00:13:20,786 Call it whatever you want. Tried and true, dull and listless. 226 00:13:20,945 --> 00:13:23,025 I wanna call it tried and true. 227 00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:26,626 All I know is every time we get in bed, it's the same old thing. 228 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:29,305 The same old thing? What about the mask and cape? 229 00:13:29,706 --> 00:13:32,946 It was the same old thing in a mask and cape. 230 00:13:33,106 --> 00:13:34,586 Please don't take it personally. 231 00:13:34,746 --> 00:13:36,905 Oh, no. How can I possibly take it personally? 232 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,986 - You're just telling me I'm a lousy lay. - No, I didn't mean lousy. 233 00:13:40,145 --> 00:13:43,906 I meant uninspired, lackluster, predictable. 234 00:13:44,066 --> 00:13:47,545 - Okay. - Tedious, mind-numbing, boring... 235 00:13:47,705 --> 00:13:49,826 All right, that's it. Come upstairs with me. 236 00:13:49,986 --> 00:13:52,826 I will show you tedious, mind-numbing and boring. 237 00:13:53,305 --> 00:13:54,545 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 238 00:13:54,705 --> 00:13:56,706 - Hot, hot, hot. - What can I do? 239 00:13:56,865 --> 00:13:59,146 I don't know, just do something. 240 00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:11,585 How can you say this is boring? 241 00:14:13,146 --> 00:14:15,506 Wait till you try this. It's the best pizza in town. 242 00:14:15,665 --> 00:14:18,106 - Says who? - They put a flyer on Mom's windshield. 243 00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:19,746 It said "best pizza in town." 244 00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:22,665 Jake, let me give you a little culinary advice. 245 00:14:22,825 --> 00:14:24,946 Any restaurant that advertises on windshields... 246 00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:29,105 ...and has a guy dressed as a hoagie is probably not the best in town. 247 00:14:29,265 --> 00:14:32,186 He wasn't a hoagie, he was a calzone. 248 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:40,385 - Amazing. - What? 249 00:14:40,545 --> 00:14:43,105 How can a kid with such lousy taste in pizza and movies... 250 00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,185 ...have such good taste in girls? 251 00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:48,985 - She is kind of cute. - Why don't you go talk to her? 252 00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:50,385 I don't know what to say. 253 00:14:50,545 --> 00:14:53,265 That's never stopped you from running your mouth before. 254 00:14:55,106 --> 00:14:57,866 - What about her mom? - Just stick with the daughter for now. 255 00:14:58,025 --> 00:15:00,225 - No, I mean... - I know what you mean. 256 00:15:00,385 --> 00:15:03,145 Tell you what. I'll be your wingman. 257 00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:05,585 I'll go over and engage the mom in conversation. 258 00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:08,185 Then after I grease the wheels, I'll give you a signal. 259 00:15:08,345 --> 00:15:10,145 You saunter over and work your magic. 260 00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,546 - Saunter? - Walk. 261 00:15:12,705 --> 00:15:15,385 Well, then just say walk. You don't have to make up words. 262 00:15:18,026 --> 00:15:19,825 Wait, what's the signal? 263 00:15:20,305 --> 00:15:23,665 - I don't know, I'll give you a thumbs up. - That's not much of a signal. 264 00:15:23,825 --> 00:15:26,786 All right, how about I just wave my arms and say, "Yo, dumb-ass." 265 00:15:27,346 --> 00:15:29,266 Let's go with the thumb. 266 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,305 - Excuse me. - Yes? 267 00:15:36,465 --> 00:15:39,985 I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, but I'm sitting over there with my nephew... 268 00:15:40,145 --> 00:15:42,345 - Now? - No, not now. 269 00:15:43,106 --> 00:15:44,865 - Dumb-ass. - Now? 270 00:15:46,305 --> 00:15:48,025 No. 271 00:15:48,186 --> 00:15:50,786 Anyway, he's taken a bit of a shine to your daughter... 272 00:15:50,946 --> 00:15:54,305 ...and it would mean the world to him if he could come over and meet her. 273 00:15:54,786 --> 00:15:57,585 That's very sweet, and I don't wanna seem impolite... 274 00:15:57,745 --> 00:16:00,065 ...but this is our one-on-one time. 275 00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:03,546 I understand. You should have that. We're only talking a couple of minutes. 276 00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:06,505 - Enough time to put a smile on a boy's... - Now? 277 00:16:07,225 --> 00:16:08,906 No. 278 00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:14,425 Look, I appreciate you coming over, but I think we'll pass. 279 00:16:14,585 --> 00:16:17,385 Fine. Sorry to bother you. 280 00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:19,705 Real smooth. 281 00:16:22,746 --> 00:16:24,625 Okay, you really gotta help me out here. 282 00:16:24,785 --> 00:16:28,106 - Sir, I'm having dinner with my daughter. - And I am here with my nephew. 283 00:16:28,265 --> 00:16:30,105 They'd rather be sitting and talking... 284 00:16:30,265 --> 00:16:32,705 ...than hanging out with a couple of old farts like us. 285 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,665 - What did you call me? - No, no, no. Not you, us. 286 00:16:36,825 --> 00:16:38,065 I was being funny. 287 00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,745 I don't think you're funny at all. 288 00:16:41,905 --> 00:16:45,786 Well, clearly you don't know me. I'm Charlie. 289 00:16:45,945 --> 00:16:49,545 Yes, well, Charlie, I've asked you to leave us alone. 290 00:16:49,705 --> 00:16:52,585 - I understand, and I will, but... - Honey, get me a refill. 291 00:16:53,185 --> 00:16:54,665 Yo, dumb-ass. Go get a refill. 292 00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:56,225 - Now? - Yes, now. 293 00:16:58,345 --> 00:17:00,186 My brother's kid's not real... 294 00:17:04,905 --> 00:17:08,745 - I warned you. - God, it's worse than the potpourri. 295 00:17:12,105 --> 00:17:13,505 I see you like the diet cola. 296 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,425 If I may say so, you don't need to watch your weight. 297 00:17:20,905 --> 00:17:24,225 - Here you go. Clean and dry. - Thank you, thank you. 298 00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:27,505 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. Little Alan's fine. 299 00:17:27,665 --> 00:17:29,905 The twins got the worst of it. 300 00:17:30,305 --> 00:17:31,625 Good, good. 301 00:17:32,025 --> 00:17:35,585 Listen, Donna. You were right. 302 00:17:35,745 --> 00:17:38,345 - This relationship is over. - Over? 303 00:17:38,505 --> 00:17:41,105 Well, what else is there to do besides call it quits? 304 00:17:41,265 --> 00:17:44,145 Oh, I thought maybe we could take it to the next level. 305 00:17:44,905 --> 00:17:45,905 Next level? 306 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,225 What's beyond mind-numbing, tedious and boring? 307 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,865 I'll tell you what's beyond it. Death. 308 00:17:52,145 --> 00:17:53,785 No, thank you. Already been married. 309 00:17:53,945 --> 00:17:55,705 - But, Alan... - I'm sorry, but it's just... 310 00:17:55,865 --> 00:17:57,705 It's time we faced the truth. L... 311 00:17:57,865 --> 00:17:59,865 I have no romantic feelings for you anymore. 312 00:18:00,425 --> 00:18:02,905 - None? - None at all. 313 00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:06,825 Come on, Donna. 314 00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:08,985 Crying doesn't solve anything. Believe me. 315 00:18:09,145 --> 00:18:11,945 It's better to end this now while we're still friends. 316 00:18:17,825 --> 00:18:20,785 - Goodbye, my friend. - Oh, just get out. 317 00:18:37,065 --> 00:18:40,225 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 318 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,785 - Oh, hi. You must be Alan. - Yes. 319 00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:48,425 Forget it, Georgia. It's not gonna happen. 320 00:18:54,665 --> 00:18:56,265 What's not gonna happen? 321 00:18:56,425 --> 00:19:00,865 I thought I could spice up our relationship with a three-way. 322 00:19:03,905 --> 00:19:05,425 A three-way? 323 00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:09,545 But I didn't realize you had no romantic feelings for me at all. 324 00:19:10,345 --> 00:19:12,065 Now, hang on. 325 00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:15,865 I think you may have misinterpreted my remarks. 326 00:19:16,025 --> 00:19:18,465 Oh, honey. I'm here for you. 327 00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:21,545 Now, see, you really need to be more clear about what you meant... 328 00:19:21,705 --> 00:19:23,305 ...by taking it to the next level. 329 00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,745 See, I'm fine with this. 330 00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:29,944 - This could help. - Oh, go to hell. 331 00:19:53,482 --> 00:19:55,042 Was the friend good-Iooking? 332 00:19:55,602 --> 00:19:57,962 Spectacular. 333 00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:02,602 Sounds like you blew what could have been the best night of your life. 334 00:20:02,762 --> 00:20:06,281 The best night? No, no. That was the night Jake was born. 335 00:20:06,642 --> 00:20:09,362 You have a three-way the night Jake was born? 336 00:20:09,882 --> 00:20:12,561 Okay, I blew the best night of my life. 337 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,762 Well, don't worry. You'll have another opportunity someday. 338 00:20:15,922 --> 00:20:18,761 - How do you figure? - You may have to wait a few decades. 339 00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:24,162 But I hear the ratio of gals to geezers in senior-living facilities is two-to-one. 340 00:20:25,161 --> 00:20:28,682 Imagine the progress they'll have made in boner pills by that time. 341 00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:32,881 Are you staring at me? 342 00:20:34,042 --> 00:20:37,121 Because it feels like you're staring at me.