1 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,080 - Alan, I need to talk to you. - Okay. 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,040 - Alone. - Gotta be about sex. 3 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,040 Take a hike. 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,360 I'm 14. You're not protecting me anymore. 5 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,840 - Jake. - This is just a pathetic sham. 6 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,640 - So, what's up? - Okay, long story short. 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,920 - I've got a young woman upstairs. - Wow, I didn't see this one coming. 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,760 See her? I'm surprised you couldn't hear her. 9 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,960 She was like a cat in a fan belt. 10 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,320 Anyway, I need you to entertain her in my absence. 11 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,280 Entertain her? What did you have in mind? 12 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,480 A musical number from Sweeney Todd? 13 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,720 How young is she? Maybe a little peekaboo. 14 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,040 Right there. That's why no one likes you. 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,359 Just keep her occupied till I get back. 16 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,040 - Where are you going? - I have a date. 17 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,000 A date? It's 8:30 in the morning. 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,160 I know what time it is. I have a limited window of opportunity here. 19 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,480 Her husband's playing nine holes, so I thought... 20 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,200 ...I'd try and play a couple myself. 21 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,080 Then why don't you just send the other girl home? 22 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,000 I'll be back by noon. What am I supposed to do the rest of the day? 23 00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,760 Okay, okay. 24 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,720 I'm gonna say something now, because, well, I think it needs to be said. 25 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,799 - What? - You're a severely damaged human being. 26 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,120 Hey, I'd love to stay and chitchat with you... 27 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,600 ...but I've got a golf widow marinating in Brentwood. 28 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,280 Wait, wait. What am I supposed to tell the girl upstairs? 29 00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:32,840 I don't know. Tell her I went out to give blood. 30 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,920 That way, if I come back a little weak, I've got a good excuse. 31 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,440 So you want me to just lie to her? 32 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,679 It's up to you. You could tell her the truth. 33 00:01:41,839 --> 00:01:45,440 But then you'd have to pack up all your crap and move into the lifeguard station. 34 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:47,840 Why do you gotta do that? 35 00:01:47,999 --> 00:01:49,800 Why is it always "my way or the highway"? 36 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,880 "Obey my commands or you're out." 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,640 Then again, if the system works, why mess with it? 38 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,920 Boy, they left the faucet on a long time when they poured those legs. 39 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,800 I don't believe it. Another one. 40 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,480 Oh, hey, Alan. 41 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,640 - Who's the blond? - Don't know. 42 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,079 Found her on the beach. 43 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,080 Like homeless? 44 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,639 Not tonight. 45 00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:43,640 You realize that's three in one day. 46 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,799 Depends how you count. I make it out to be seven. 47 00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:50,560 Or eight. 48 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,439 I should carry a clicker. 49 00:02:54,519 --> 00:02:57,200 Oh, Charlie, even for you, this is ridiculous. 50 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:01,519 Hey, one man's ridiculous is another man's "yabba dabba doo." 51 00:03:03,959 --> 00:03:05,919 "I should carry a clicker." 52 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,559 By the way, I'm Charlie. 53 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,559 - I'm Gretchen. - I like that. Gretchen. 54 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:14,959 It's got a built-in: 55 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,279 Upstairs on the right. 56 00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:22,520 - Make yourself comfortable. - Okay. 57 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,040 - Charlie Harper? - Yeah? 58 00:03:33,999 --> 00:03:36,400 Keep your hands off my wife. 59 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,360 Yes, sir. No problem. 60 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,200 God, Charlie, are you okay? 61 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,959 No, I'm not okay. I just got punched in the face. 62 00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:48,920 Help me up. 63 00:03:49,519 --> 00:03:51,559 That was an angry husband, wasn't it? 64 00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:53,359 Well, you can't really blame him. 65 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,560 From now on, he's gonna have to take his wife golfing with him. 66 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,160 Wait a second. You're still going upstairs? 67 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,040 Why not? It wasn't her husband. 68 00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:08,520 But you're bleeding. 69 00:04:09,519 --> 00:04:11,360 Did you see that girl? 70 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,319 I'd be climbing these stairs if I was just a head and a spine. 71 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,999 Berta, have you noticed anything different about Charlie lately? 72 00:04:22,159 --> 00:04:24,800 - What did you mean? - Well, he's always been promiscuous... 73 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,720 ...but I'm starting to think I should hide my bowling ball. 74 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,160 I know what you're saying. 75 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,159 I'm having to change his sheets so often... 76 00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:34,400 ...I'm thinking about putting them on a roller. 77 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,279 Have you seen him act this way before? 78 00:04:39,439 --> 00:04:43,559 Well, when Viagra first came out, I thought he was gonna die. 79 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,680 Know how they say if your erection lasts for more than four hours... 80 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,239 ...you should call your doctor? 81 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:51,720 He'd just call another girl. 82 00:04:53,799 --> 00:04:57,320 For a while there, he had to stand on his head to take a leak. 83 00:05:05,599 --> 00:05:07,480 - Morning. - Morning. 84 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,559 Rough night in Hump Junction? 85 00:05:14,799 --> 00:05:16,599 No, it was good. 86 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,639 I just had a little accident. 87 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,800 I tried to pick my lady friend up and put her on the bureau... 88 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:28,200 ...and now I can't find one of my testicles. 89 00:05:29,319 --> 00:05:30,520 Oh, Charlie. 90 00:05:31,719 --> 00:05:33,879 I don't think I really lost it. 91 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,039 It's kind of like your keys. 92 00:05:36,199 --> 00:05:38,119 Even if you can't put your hands on them... 93 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,120 ...you know they gotta be somewhere. 94 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,119 That is something you do not wanna find in the vacuum bag. 95 00:05:51,799 --> 00:05:53,999 You know, I'm really starting to worry about him. 96 00:05:54,159 --> 00:05:55,999 I feel like I should do something. 97 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,039 The way he's been acting, if I were you... 98 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,399 ...I'd start sleeping on my back wearing a catcher's mask. 99 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,160 Good news. I found it. 100 00:06:08,679 --> 00:06:10,599 It's always the last place you look. 101 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,999 - You sure you're up for this? - I'm fine. 102 00:06:25,879 --> 00:06:28,520 Just a little tender in the giblets. 103 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:37,639 Yeah, you're fine. 104 00:06:39,119 --> 00:06:40,799 Two beers, please. 105 00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,720 Oh, yeah, much better. 106 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,679 - What are you doing? - What do you think I'm doing? 107 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:55,159 Scouting the talent. 108 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,000 Are you out of your mind? 109 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,279 What's your pickup line? 110 00:06:59,439 --> 00:07:02,680 "Wanna come back to my place and help me look for my balls?" 111 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,239 It was one ball, and I found it. 112 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,519 Charlie, don't you think you need to slow down a bit? 113 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,839 Why would I wanna do that? 114 00:07:10,999 --> 00:07:12,079 Oh, come on. 115 00:07:12,239 --> 00:07:14,999 Is this lifestyle actually making you happy? 116 00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:18,079 Let me answer that question with another question. 117 00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:20,519 Who would you rather be? You or me? 118 00:07:21,159 --> 00:07:22,599 You're kidding, right? 119 00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:25,879 You have two black eyes and you're perched on a scrotum cozy. 120 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,879 You. 121 00:07:34,559 --> 00:07:35,959 - Hi. - Hey there. 122 00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:38,119 Oh, sweet Lord. 123 00:07:38,279 --> 00:07:39,919 Can I buy you a drink? 124 00:07:40,479 --> 00:07:41,999 If you want to. 125 00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:45,799 Well, I'd like to buy you an airplane, but let's start with the drink. 126 00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:47,719 - I'm Charlie. - Pepper. 127 00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,319 Oh, my favorite condiment. 128 00:07:49,479 --> 00:07:52,039 - It's a spice. - Shut up. 129 00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:55,279 So, Charlie... 130 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,639 No kidding. 131 00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:03,359 Well, then... 132 00:08:07,639 --> 00:08:09,759 All right, you're under arrest for solicitation. 133 00:08:09,919 --> 00:08:13,239 Stand up, put your hands behind your back and spread your legs. 134 00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:17,079 I'm afraid you're gonna have to choose one. 135 00:08:20,919 --> 00:08:22,639 Now will you admit you've got a problem? 136 00:08:22,799 --> 00:08:25,240 Hey, that was entrapment. 137 00:08:25,479 --> 00:08:26,959 I'm the victim here. 138 00:08:27,119 --> 00:08:30,359 If she wasn't a cop, what did you think you were gonna do with her? 139 00:08:31,919 --> 00:08:33,239 I really don't know. 140 00:08:33,399 --> 00:08:35,559 Charlie, don't you see what's happening to you? 141 00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:40,439 Nothing's happening, except I offered to buy a policewoman a $500 martini. 142 00:08:41,079 --> 00:08:43,599 Well, then there's no point in my talking to you anymore. 143 00:08:43,759 --> 00:08:46,599 All right. Then something good came of this. 144 00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:04,639 You stay away from my girlfriend. 145 00:09:04,799 --> 00:09:07,159 You're gonna have to be more specific. 146 00:09:09,119 --> 00:09:11,479 Son of a bitch. 147 00:09:14,671 --> 00:09:17,352 So, Charlie, what's been going on? 148 00:09:21,712 --> 00:09:23,112 Well... 149 00:09:24,392 --> 00:09:25,911 ...I've got a new career. 150 00:09:26,512 --> 00:09:28,752 As a crash-test dummy? 151 00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:32,672 Writing songs for little kids. 152 00:09:32,832 --> 00:09:34,192 - Really? - Yeah. 153 00:09:34,352 --> 00:09:37,431 Turns out immature minds respond to me. 154 00:09:37,991 --> 00:09:39,832 Sounds about right. 155 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,471 Let's see. What else? 156 00:09:43,631 --> 00:09:45,391 My mom's getting married. Nice guy. 157 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:46,832 - Good for her. - Yeah, yeah. 158 00:09:46,992 --> 00:09:48,951 - My brother still lives with me. - Sure. 159 00:09:49,111 --> 00:09:51,112 We knew he wasn't going anywhere. 160 00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,032 Let's see. 161 00:09:55,192 --> 00:09:57,071 My nephew's growing like a weed. 162 00:09:57,232 --> 00:10:00,392 My ex-fiancée's getting married. I've been dating. Nothing serious. 163 00:10:00,552 --> 00:10:04,712 And as you can see, I've had a couple of mishaps. 164 00:10:05,312 --> 00:10:08,392 Well, except for the facial lacerations and the rectal doughnut... 165 00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:10,152 ...hardly noticeable. 166 00:10:10,832 --> 00:10:13,391 It's actually a testicular doughnut. 167 00:10:14,191 --> 00:10:16,872 - What's the difference? - About that much. 168 00:10:19,512 --> 00:10:21,591 Well, that's disturbing. 169 00:10:23,671 --> 00:10:25,672 Let's circle back to the ex-fiancée. 170 00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,111 - What was her name? - Mia. 171 00:10:27,472 --> 00:10:31,312 Mia. How do you feel about Mia getting married and moving on with her life? 172 00:10:32,392 --> 00:10:34,272 I feel fine about it. I'm happy for her. 173 00:10:34,432 --> 00:10:36,752 No remorse, no regrets? 174 00:10:37,472 --> 00:10:39,472 Not really. It's been a long time. 175 00:10:39,632 --> 00:10:40,831 Okay. 176 00:10:40,992 --> 00:10:43,512 So when did you learn about her upcoming nuptials? 177 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:48,272 I don't know. A couple of weeks ago. 178 00:10:49,871 --> 00:10:51,192 Yep, two weeks. 179 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,631 You carry the announcement around with you? 180 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,072 - Yeah. Why? - No reason. 181 00:10:58,552 --> 00:11:00,232 And you say you've been dating a lot. 182 00:11:00,671 --> 00:11:04,192 - A little more than usual. - When did that new pattern start? 183 00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:07,792 Gee, I don't know. It's gotta be a couple of weeks now. 184 00:11:11,551 --> 00:11:12,791 - What? - Oh, come on, Charlie. 185 00:11:12,952 --> 00:11:16,272 Just because I get paid by the hour doesn't mean this should take forever. 186 00:11:18,592 --> 00:11:21,551 It's pretty clear that the news about this woman getting married... 187 00:11:21,712 --> 00:11:23,952 ...has hurt you, and you're acting out. 188 00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:28,791 Man, you shrinks wanna bring everything back to feelings, don't you? 189 00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:31,951 Think it has anything to do with your toilet training? 190 00:11:32,111 --> 00:11:34,752 - No. - Then I guess we're stuck with feelings. 191 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:39,152 Now, when you read that announcement, how did you feel? 192 00:11:40,112 --> 00:11:43,631 I don't know. How you feel when the woman you were once in love with... 193 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:47,071 ...is getting married to another guy. - Describe it. 194 00:11:47,471 --> 00:11:49,631 - Describe it? - Just for fun. 195 00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:55,472 It's hard to say exactly. 196 00:11:56,271 --> 00:11:58,311 I guess it's kind of like... 197 00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:02,711 ...a trapdoor opens up under your feet and you're falling. 198 00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:06,111 And at the same time, there's this enormous pressure on your chest... 199 00:12:06,271 --> 00:12:10,071 ...like a big animal, maybe a possum or a raccoon... 200 00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:11,952 ...is sitting on it. 201 00:12:13,551 --> 00:12:15,191 And you can't catch your breath. 202 00:12:15,711 --> 00:12:18,272 Possum or a raccoon. 203 00:12:19,111 --> 00:12:22,031 - Lf you're writing it down, say raccoon. - Will do. 204 00:12:22,991 --> 00:12:25,031 I don't know why I said possum. 205 00:12:26,072 --> 00:12:27,631 It's okay. 206 00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:31,152 Do you think it's possible that this feeling of falling... 207 00:12:31,311 --> 00:12:34,871 ...and the raccoon on your chest is a physical manifestation... 208 00:12:35,031 --> 00:12:36,591 ...of unexpressed grief? 209 00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:38,911 - Grief? - You know, sadness. 210 00:12:39,072 --> 00:12:40,911 How do you read sadness into that? 211 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,472 Look, Charlie, you're a smart guy. 212 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,832 Emotionally: 213 00:12:46,792 --> 00:12:48,552 But you gotta see what's going on here. 214 00:12:48,712 --> 00:12:52,512 You're using this series of meaningless sexual liaisons... 215 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,351 ...to run away from your feelings about losing this woman. 216 00:12:56,831 --> 00:12:59,351 No, no, I'm sorry. I don't see it. 217 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,671 Let's keep looking. 218 00:13:00,831 --> 00:13:03,711 What about my mom getting married? That can upset a fella, right? 219 00:13:03,871 --> 00:13:06,711 Make him go all ancient Greek and poke his eyes out? 220 00:13:08,111 --> 00:13:10,111 Oh, come on, Charlie, you loved this woman. 221 00:13:10,271 --> 00:13:11,911 And I'd say you still love her. 222 00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:15,391 And deep down, maybe you were hoping someday you'd get back together. 223 00:13:15,551 --> 00:13:18,631 And the only reason you're not sitting here weeping... 224 00:13:18,791 --> 00:13:21,031 ...is because it's too painful for you. 225 00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,832 I'm sorry. I just can't see it. 226 00:13:26,991 --> 00:13:30,711 You can't see it because your penis is in the way. 227 00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:34,951 Thank you. 228 00:13:36,671 --> 00:13:38,311 Not a compliment, Charlie. 229 00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:40,631 Says you. 230 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:45,991 Look, you have a very simple choice here. 231 00:13:46,152 --> 00:13:48,352 You can honestly confront these emotions... 232 00:13:48,511 --> 00:13:50,511 ...and learn the lessons they bring... 233 00:13:50,672 --> 00:13:54,591 ...or you can drive yourself into an early grave with indiscriminate sex. 234 00:13:58,352 --> 00:13:59,711 Define "early." 235 00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:20,831 What are you doing? 236 00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:23,911 I'm trying to feel my feelings. 237 00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,511 Really? 238 00:14:28,311 --> 00:14:30,791 - How's it going? - Not well. 239 00:14:37,631 --> 00:14:39,512 See? Nothing, no grief. 240 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,112 What exactly are you trying to grieve over? 241 00:14:42,271 --> 00:14:44,231 Well, Mia's getting married... 242 00:14:44,391 --> 00:14:45,431 Wait, wait, wait. Mia? 243 00:14:45,591 --> 00:14:47,551 - The one you were gonna marry? - Yeah. 244 00:14:47,711 --> 00:14:50,711 And my shrink thinks I'm pretty upset about it. 245 00:14:51,351 --> 00:14:53,591 Do you think you're upset about it? 246 00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:55,191 I don't know. 247 00:14:55,552 --> 00:14:57,711 - I really did love her. - I know you did. 248 00:14:57,871 --> 00:14:59,392 Yeah. 249 00:15:00,352 --> 00:15:01,791 I remember this one time... 250 00:15:01,951 --> 00:15:04,911 ...we were driving to Santa Barbara for the weekend... 251 00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:07,551 ...and she just smiled at me. 252 00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:08,791 And I thought: 253 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:13,911 "Man, I could spend the rest of my life with this woman, no problem." 254 00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:16,672 And then... 255 00:15:17,271 --> 00:15:20,071 Then I lost her. 256 00:15:20,231 --> 00:15:23,431 And I don't think I'm gonna find anybody like her again. 257 00:15:23,591 --> 00:15:25,031 What the hell is going on, Alan? 258 00:15:26,031 --> 00:15:29,152 This is good. This is good. You're finally starting to feel your grief. 259 00:15:29,311 --> 00:15:31,311 And once you really feel it and accept it... 260 00:15:31,471 --> 00:15:33,591 ...you can get on with your life without Mia. 261 00:15:33,751 --> 00:15:36,631 - Really? - Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Let it out. 262 00:15:40,351 --> 00:15:42,071 No, this is crap. 263 00:15:45,391 --> 00:15:47,031 Where are you going? 264 00:15:47,231 --> 00:15:48,271 I just realized... 265 00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:52,111 ...I won't have to feel my feelings and live without Mia if I just go get her back. 266 00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,471 - That's your solution? - Yeah... right? 267 00:15:58,551 --> 00:16:00,231 Indeed. 268 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:06,271 Forgot my doughnut. 269 00:16:08,511 --> 00:16:10,191 You laugh, but it really does help. 270 00:16:14,951 --> 00:16:17,471 Bride? Seen the bride? 271 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,911 - I got a delivery for the bride. - I think she's in there. 272 00:16:21,071 --> 00:16:23,751 Thanks. Here you go. 273 00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:31,111 You look so beautiful. 274 00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:33,351 You are so lucky. 275 00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:36,751 - Hey. - Charlie. 276 00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:38,031 What are you doing here? 277 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,431 - I came to get you back. - Are you out of your mind? 278 00:16:42,351 --> 00:16:44,231 No, no. I got the idea from my shrink. 279 00:16:46,351 --> 00:16:47,951 Could you ladies give us a minute? 280 00:16:50,071 --> 00:16:52,591 - Okay. One minute. - Thanks. 281 00:16:54,191 --> 00:16:56,391 How are you? Looking good. 282 00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:58,831 Don't worry, your big day will come. 283 00:17:01,511 --> 00:17:03,311 Charlie, I'm getting married in an hour. 284 00:17:03,831 --> 00:17:06,311 - So I'm not too late. - Oh, you are so too late. 285 00:17:06,471 --> 00:17:07,791 Just hear me out. 286 00:17:07,951 --> 00:17:09,591 Oh, my God, what happened to you? 287 00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:11,031 No big deal. 288 00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:13,951 I just yanked a kid out of the way of a speeding bus. 289 00:17:14,111 --> 00:17:15,831 Got clipped by the side mirror. 290 00:17:17,071 --> 00:17:19,031 Okay, that's a bunch of crap. 291 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,111 But this is the truth. 292 00:17:21,271 --> 00:17:26,031 Mia, I have never felt about any woman like I feel about you. 293 00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:28,431 And the thought of you marrying some other guy is... 294 00:17:28,591 --> 00:17:30,351 It's breaking my heart. 295 00:17:30,511 --> 00:17:33,071 So I'm just going for broke here. 296 00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:39,231 Mia, I love you. 297 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,711 I will always love you, and I want you to marry me. 298 00:17:42,911 --> 00:17:46,111 Honey, the photographer wants to... 299 00:17:46,551 --> 00:17:49,471 - What's going on? - Daddy, I told you about Charlie Harper. 300 00:17:49,631 --> 00:17:52,750 - Remember? - Oh, good. I'm glad you're here, sir. 301 00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,111 I'd like to ask you for your... 302 00:18:01,311 --> 00:18:02,911 How much did you tell him? 303 00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:14,408 Thanks. 304 00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:18,248 - You need some more ice for your jaw? - No. 305 00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:19,768 - Your nose? - No. 306 00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:21,688 How about the chestnuts? 307 00:18:22,527 --> 00:18:26,287 - Resting comfortably. Thanks. - Okay. Well, try to get some sleep. 308 00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:30,567 - Alan? - Yeah? 309 00:18:31,047 --> 00:18:32,767 I learned something about myself. 310 00:18:32,928 --> 00:18:34,647 That you're a bleeder? 311 00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:37,728 I learned why I screw around so much. 312 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,647 - Really? - Yep. 313 00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,087 I think I've spent my whole life... 314 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:47,567 ...trying to fill the empty space in myself by, you know... 315 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:50,287 Filling the empty space in others. 316 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:52,007 Exactly. 317 00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,007 That's quite an insight. 318 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,407 Well, I'm deep in therapy now. 319 00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:58,327 You went for one hour, Charlie. 320 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:02,047 Fifty minutes. It's kind of a racket. 321 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:06,447 But the point is, I've hit bottom. 322 00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:08,687 I can't keep going like this. 323 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,207 - It's time for me to grow up. - I agree. 324 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,687 So, what are you gonna do? 325 00:19:14,647 --> 00:19:17,887 Well, I thought I'd find some chick with a big heart and a tiny ass... 326 00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:19,447 ...and marry her. 327 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,287 Maybe that girl from the beach. She seemed nice. 328 00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:26,927 - You're going to get married? - Yep. 329 00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:31,167 Settle down, have a couple of kids and ship the penis up to Cooperstown. 330 00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:33,367 Cooperstown? 331 00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:35,607 It is my bat. 332 00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:39,287 Well, sounds like you've got everything figured out. 333 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,687 You don't ever figure this stuff out, Alan. 334 00:19:42,847 --> 00:19:47,047 You just take little baby steps on a lifelong path to becoming a better man. 335 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,247 How many pain pills have you taken? 336 00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:53,127 Nine. 337 00:19:54,647 --> 00:19:56,047 Good night. 338 00:19:58,127 --> 00:20:00,567 Might not be a bad idea to check on me in an hour or so. 339 00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:04,047 - Make sure I'm still breathing. - I always do. 340 00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:18,767 Mia. 341 00:20:24,207 --> 00:20:25,926 My balls.