1 00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:08,615 I really appreciate you getting up so early and driving me to work. 2 00:00:11,631 --> 00:00:13,060 I owe you one. Heh. 3 00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:17,326 You owed me one when I didn't smother you in your crib. 4 00:00:18,863 --> 00:00:20,968 Well, then I owe you two. Ha, ha. 5 00:00:21,839 --> 00:00:24,360 My car will be out of the shop in a couple of days. There was a- 6 00:00:24,496 --> 00:00:26,568 A terrible knock in the engine. Like a: 7 00:00:28,975 --> 00:00:31,561 I kept saying, "Come in," but nobody did. Ha-ha-ha. 8 00:00:32,528 --> 00:00:34,129 Ooh, carpool lane. That's us. We should- 9 00:00:34,223 --> 00:00:35,630 - Shut up. - Right. 10 00:00:37,999 --> 00:00:40,650 It's 7:00. Where are all these damn people going? 11 00:00:40,816 --> 00:00:44,165 Ha, I know, right? I deal with that every day. 12 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:45,677 It's very frustrating. 13 00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:48,523 Sometimes I dream about buying a cabin in the woods and- 14 00:00:48,688 --> 00:00:50,695 - I said shut up. - Yes, you did. 15 00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:56,654 People going that way should switch jobs with the people going this way... 16 00:00:56,815 --> 00:00:59,216 and everybody can leave their freaking cars in the garage. 17 00:01:00,399 --> 00:01:02,571 You know, that's a- That's a hell of an idea. 18 00:01:02,736 --> 00:01:03,848 Right on. Ha, ha. 19 00:01:04,656 --> 00:01:06,379 - Don't patronize me. - Sorry. 20 00:01:10,255 --> 00:01:13,223 Wait a minute. How are you getting back to Malibu? 21 00:01:14,543 --> 00:01:16,648 - Uh, I was-Uh, I was hoping-Charlie. - No. 22 00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:19,303 - Take the bus. - There's no bus from Tarzana to Malibu. 23 00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:21,806 Then take a series of busses. 24 00:01:22,031 --> 00:01:23,992 And don't get stuck on having to end up in Malibu. 25 00:01:24,047 --> 00:01:25,291 Ugh, Charlie- 26 00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:27,594 Come on. It's just for a couple of days. 27 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,320 That's what Mom said when she brought you home from the hospital. 28 00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,477 Good one. 29 00:01:34,416 --> 00:01:36,074 You're a very funny man, Ollie. 30 00:01:36,944 --> 00:01:38,056 You certainly are. 31 00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:42,506 It's-Laurel and Hardy. 32 00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:45,382 Boy, they used to- They used to get in some wacky jams, huh? 33 00:01:47,471 --> 00:01:49,511 Oh, what about, uh, Abbott and Costello? 34 00:01:50,351 --> 00:01:51,627 Hey, Abbott! 35 00:01:53,487 --> 00:01:55,167 Or, uh- Or, uh, Martin and Lewis. You know- 36 00:01:55,311 --> 00:01:56,555 Hey, lady! 37 00:01:56,719 --> 00:02:00,014 With the flavin and the maving and the wow. 38 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,936 Three Stooges? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. 39 00:02:08,303 --> 00:02:09,580 Whoa, why are we stopping? 40 00:02:09,744 --> 00:02:11,053 Ow, ow, ow! 41 00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,355 Oh, a wise guy. Ow! 42 00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:19,145 Okay, I don't mind the good-natured brotherly punching... 43 00:02:19,311 --> 00:02:21,548 but you did not have to twist my nipples. 44 00:02:22,255 --> 00:02:25,419 You're lucky I didn't rip them off and feed them to you. 45 00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:29,195 Um, if you have to go to the bathroom, there's one down the hallway. 46 00:02:29,519 --> 00:02:32,137 - What's wrong with the one in your office? - Uh, it's not for guests. 47 00:02:32,303 --> 00:02:33,547 Neither is my house. 48 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,236 Um, I think we're out of paper towels. 49 00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:38,472 I'll wipe my hands on you. Get out of the way. 50 00:02:41,743 --> 00:02:43,532 Morning, Dr. Harper. 51 00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,222 Morning, Melissa. 52 00:02:46,351 --> 00:02:48,239 Hello, Melissa. 53 00:02:50,928 --> 00:02:52,716 You rat bastard. 54 00:03:20,176 --> 00:03:22,347 The bathroom is down the hallway on the right. 55 00:03:22,511 --> 00:03:24,104 Good to know. 56 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,666 Hi. I'm Charlie, Alan's brother. 57 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,686 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 58 00:03:28,847 --> 00:03:31,084 - Thought you had to tinkle. - Go away. 59 00:03:32,591 --> 00:03:34,980 So how long have you been working for my baby brother? 60 00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:36,973 About six months. 61 00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:40,648 Wow. He's been keeping you a secret for six months? 62 00:03:42,575 --> 00:03:44,430 Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute? 63 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:47,209 There's no reason to thank me for the ride again, Alan. 64 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,579 Mi Mercedes, su Mercedes. 65 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:55,526 It's what brothers do when one is vastly more fortunate than the other. 66 00:03:57,295 --> 00:03:58,757 Seriously, we need to talk. 67 00:04:00,656 --> 00:04:01,736 Excuse us. 68 00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:08,997 - She is the best receptionist I've ever had. - I'm hoping to say the same. 69 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:11,502 God, Charlie, please do not crap where I work. 70 00:04:11,664 --> 00:04:13,158 Hey, you crap where I live. 71 00:04:14,351 --> 00:04:16,653 - So tell me about her. - Oh, there's nothing to tell. 72 00:04:16,816 --> 00:04:19,685 She's, uh-She's a terrific employee. She does my scheduling, my books. 73 00:04:19,856 --> 00:04:22,987 My patients love her. She keeps the operation running like clockwork... 74 00:04:23,151 --> 00:04:26,250 and she does it all for crappy pay and no benefits. 75 00:04:27,984 --> 00:04:29,325 So you're not hitting that? 76 00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:30,920 No, I'm not hitting that. 77 00:04:31,087 --> 00:04:34,382 And even if I were hitting that, I wouldn't use the phrase "hitting that." 78 00:04:34,543 --> 00:04:36,431 It's a violent image for a beautiful act. 79 00:04:36,591 --> 00:04:38,380 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the coast is clear? 80 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:39,754 No, the coast is not clear. 81 00:04:39,919 --> 00:04:42,919 The coast is foggy and strewn with dangerously pointy rocks. 82 00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:46,117 Can I get either of you a cup of coffee? 83 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,302 - No. - Sure. 84 00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:50,926 No for both of us. Please leave. 85 00:04:51,087 --> 00:04:52,516 All right. 86 00:04:52,687 --> 00:04:54,378 - Bye, Melissa. - Bye, Charlie. 87 00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:55,787 Hope I see you again. 88 00:04:56,176 --> 00:04:59,242 Oh, you'll see me tonight when I come back to pick up your boss. 89 00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:03,492 Oh. Oh, no, Charlie. You don't have to make that long drive. I'll take the bus. 90 00:05:03,663 --> 00:05:07,340 - I thought there were no busses. - If I have to, I'll charter one. 91 00:05:07,952 --> 00:05:09,642 Why don't I just give you a ride home? 92 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,966 Oh, that is so sweet of you. 93 00:05:13,135 --> 00:05:15,590 You got a real gem here, Alan. 94 00:05:15,759 --> 00:05:17,930 Tell you what, when you get him home... 95 00:05:18,095 --> 00:05:21,161 there'll be a cold margarita waiting for you out on my deck. 96 00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,755 Which overlooks the ocean. 97 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,414 On the beach. 98 00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,340 In Malibu. 99 00:05:28,368 --> 00:05:29,545 That sounds wonderful. 100 00:05:29,711 --> 00:05:32,581 It's really not. It's chilly, damp and covered with pelican poop. 101 00:05:34,224 --> 00:05:36,809 That's why he'll never win the Malibu-slogan contest. 102 00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:38,568 Ha, ha! Ahem. 103 00:05:39,055 --> 00:05:41,292 - See you tonight, Melissa. - Bye, Charlie. 104 00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:43,179 - Have a great day, bro. - I hate you. 105 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,521 I hate you too. 106 00:05:46,704 --> 00:05:48,492 Gee, your brother is really cute. 107 00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,510 As a bug. 108 00:05:52,175 --> 00:05:54,826 - Bathroom? - Oh, let me give you the key. 109 00:05:59,311 --> 00:06:02,540 - Thank you. - You're very welcome. 110 00:06:03,151 --> 00:06:05,290 You are a doll. 111 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,403 You are cute. 112 00:06:12,783 --> 00:06:14,888 She's actually a doll. 113 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,647 I wonder if she's anatomically correct. 114 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,125 Who's the Smurf? 115 00:06:35,439 --> 00:06:37,610 The Smurf is my receptionist. 116 00:06:38,159 --> 00:06:39,620 You're letting Charlie hit that? 117 00:06:41,263 --> 00:06:43,467 Okay, first of all, that is a very ugly phrase. 118 00:06:43,631 --> 00:06:45,158 And second, I'm not letting him. 119 00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:48,393 Short of drugging him and dumping him in the woods, what can I do? 120 00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:51,592 Yeah. He is like an Alabama bloodhound once he gets a whiff. 121 00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:58,724 Now it's just a matter of waiting till it blows up in my face. 122 00:06:58,895 --> 00:07:03,303 And after it blows up in my face, it will then circle around and bite me in the ass. 123 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,053 That's me. No face, no ass. 124 00:07:07,311 --> 00:07:09,929 Well, that's what you get when you mix work and personal. 125 00:07:10,351 --> 00:07:13,897 Which is why me and Charlie have always kept everything strictly professional. 126 00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:19,076 Yeah. Yeah, I've often wondered about that. 127 00:07:19,247 --> 00:07:23,557 When I first started work here, I laid down the law: Lookie, no touchy. 128 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:29,815 Yipes. 129 00:07:32,047 --> 00:07:35,877 All right. I'll make you another, but you gotta promise not to chug this one. 130 00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:37,902 Promise. 131 00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:41,638 What a fun gal. 132 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:44,749 Do you know how hard it is to find a decent receptionist? 133 00:07:44,911 --> 00:07:47,180 Well, kudos, bro. You did a great job. 134 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,506 Thank you. And I really don't wanna lose her. 135 00:07:50,799 --> 00:07:53,069 - Why would you lose her? - Oh, gee, I don't know. 136 00:07:53,231 --> 00:07:56,842 Maybe because my brother intends to defile and discard her like a warm melon. 137 00:07:57,743 --> 00:07:58,987 A warm melon? 138 00:08:00,111 --> 00:08:01,485 Nothing. 139 00:08:01,775 --> 00:08:03,051 Anyway, my point is... 140 00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:06,249 uh, you're gonna leave her with memories that can only be erased... 141 00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:09,798 by removing herself from anything that reminds her of you. Like me. 142 00:08:10,095 --> 00:08:13,925 - Is that what you're worried about, Bunky? - Yes, that's what I'm worried about. 143 00:08:14,095 --> 00:08:16,812 What did you think? What else would I be worried about? 144 00:08:17,423 --> 00:08:18,568 Well, let's see. 145 00:08:18,735 --> 00:08:20,972 Your receding hairline, your semiliterate son... 146 00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:24,680 your budding man boobs, but that's just off the top of my head. 147 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,486 - Charlie, please, I-I am begging you- - Look, I understand your concerns. 148 00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:30,760 It's not like that. I think Melissa is terrific. 149 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,636 Oh, you always think they're terrific. They're terrific before, they're terrific during. 150 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:36,904 It's the after when the crying and quitting start. 151 00:08:37,071 --> 00:08:38,795 Why is it always about you? 152 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,682 Aren't I entitled to some happiness? 153 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,981 You've had your share of happiness. 154 00:08:44,143 --> 00:08:47,209 You've had your share of happiness, my share, everybody's share. 155 00:08:47,983 --> 00:08:52,588 You've sucked the marrow of happiness from the bones of- 156 00:08:52,751 --> 00:08:54,507 Oh, just leave her alone, won't you? 157 00:08:56,591 --> 00:09:00,268 Alan, you don't have to worry. You're thinking about the old Charlie. 158 00:09:00,431 --> 00:09:03,245 The old hump them and dump them, one-track-mind Charlie. 159 00:09:03,407 --> 00:09:07,368 Oh. Oh, right. The old Charlie from way back this morning. 160 00:09:07,535 --> 00:09:10,502 I'm serious. I honestly wanna start building a relationship. 161 00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:12,613 - Really? - Yeah. Get to know someone. 162 00:09:12,783 --> 00:09:16,012 Let her get to know me, have something in common before we jump into bed. 163 00:09:16,175 --> 00:09:18,859 - Wow. I'm impressed. - That I'm growing up? 164 00:09:19,022 --> 00:09:21,411 No, that you can so easily lie to my face. 165 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:25,830 You'll see. It's gonna be different with Melissa. 166 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,486 I'm gonna take my time, form a friendship... 167 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:32,583 bond emotionally and then, and only then, take it to the next level. 168 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,576 MELISSA: Oh, Charlie. 169 00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:43,657 You schmuck. 170 00:09:51,214 --> 00:09:53,254 Morning, Dr. Harper. 171 00:09:55,566 --> 00:09:56,973 Morning. 172 00:09:57,166 --> 00:10:00,014 I like your jammies. 173 00:10:00,174 --> 00:10:02,378 Thank you. I, uh-I like your- 174 00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:04,036 Thank you. 175 00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,565 Guess you're kind of surprised to see me, huh? 176 00:10:07,726 --> 00:10:09,636 Yeah, shocked. 177 00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:13,734 Well, I hope you know it is not the kind of thing I usually do. 178 00:10:13,902 --> 00:10:17,163 You know, hop into bed with a fella zippity quick. 179 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,715 - It's really none of my business. - Well, I don't. 180 00:10:20,878 --> 00:10:23,431 But Charlie is so sweet and special. 181 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,092 Yep, he's a treasure. 182 00:10:27,790 --> 00:10:29,863 Yeah, and this works out well for you. 183 00:10:30,158 --> 00:10:31,587 Really? Uh, how do you figure? 184 00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:36,489 Since your car's still in the shop, we can carpool to and from work. 185 00:10:37,006 --> 00:10:39,373 I see. So you'll be coming back? 186 00:10:39,534 --> 00:10:40,876 Oh, yeah. 187 00:10:41,038 --> 00:10:43,558 Charlie asked me to stay the weekend. 188 00:10:44,366 --> 00:10:46,154 - No kidding. - Yeppers. 189 00:10:46,318 --> 00:10:48,555 We really made a connection. 190 00:10:48,718 --> 00:10:50,856 And it is not just physical. 191 00:10:51,022 --> 00:10:53,772 Although the physical part is amazing. 192 00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:57,289 Again, none of my business. 193 00:10:57,454 --> 00:10:59,461 It is like I have known him all my life. 194 00:10:59,854 --> 00:11:02,188 I know the feeling. You get over it. 195 00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:04,357 Hey, baby. 196 00:11:04,686 --> 00:11:06,279 Hey, yourself. 197 00:11:08,718 --> 00:11:10,409 Mm. Do I smell toast? 198 00:11:10,574 --> 00:11:14,502 You do. Would you like a slice? I can put butter and jelly on it. 199 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,263 Oh, déjà vu. 200 00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:17,892 MELISSA: Ah! Stop it! Terrible. 201 00:11:18,062 --> 00:11:19,062 Whoo! 202 00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:24,394 Sorry, Dr. Harper. 203 00:11:24,686 --> 00:11:27,271 That's okay. I wasn't even listening. 204 00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:32,328 I'm gonna take a shower. Hit the road in about 20 minutes? 205 00:11:32,494 --> 00:11:34,883 - I thought you were gonna call in sick. - Shush! 206 00:11:35,054 --> 00:11:36,231 He's kidding. It's- 207 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,443 It's okay. Twenty minutes is fine. 208 00:11:38,606 --> 00:11:40,013 Great. 209 00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:45,352 Alan, you know me as a cynical man... 210 00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:51,748 but in just one night, that little pixie has melted this cold, lonely heart. 211 00:12:01,838 --> 00:12:03,114 You don't say. 212 00:12:04,078 --> 00:12:06,761 You may not believe me, but there is something going on here. 213 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:09,347 I really wanna thank you for bringing her into my life. 214 00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,716 I may not believe you. 215 00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:14,695 You know what? Fine. Think what you want. 216 00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:16,520 Now, if you'll excuse me... 217 00:12:16,686 --> 00:12:19,533 I'm gonna go play Paul Bunyan Takes a Shower in Tiny Town. 218 00:12:25,326 --> 00:12:27,114 Sorry we're running late. 219 00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:28,936 That's all right. 220 00:12:29,102 --> 00:12:32,201 Shower lasted a bit longer than I planned. 221 00:12:34,734 --> 00:12:37,123 Yeah, well, uh, that happens. 222 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:41,289 I gotta tell you, I am just crazy about your brother. 223 00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:42,902 Swell. 224 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,963 Hope it works out. 225 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,868 And how is a guy like that still single? 226 00:12:50,798 --> 00:12:54,475 Well, uh, he's always been a bit of a butterfly, you know. 227 00:12:54,638 --> 00:12:57,867 Fluttering through life, hard to pin down. 228 00:12:58,254 --> 00:13:01,222 And being a fall-down drunk is kind of a speed bump for some of the ladies. 229 00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:03,916 Such a jokester, Dr. Harper. 230 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:08,361 Either that or put a gun in my mouth. 231 00:13:08,878 --> 00:13:11,463 Oh, listen. On the way home, we have to swing by my apartment... 232 00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:13,390 so I can get some clothes for the weekend. 233 00:13:13,454 --> 00:13:14,454 Mm-hm. 234 00:13:14,574 --> 00:13:16,735 And I'm gonna need a little extra time for lunch today. 235 00:13:16,782 --> 00:13:19,204 Wanna buy some sexy lingerie, heh... 236 00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:21,098 for, you know. 237 00:13:22,222 --> 00:13:23,945 I do. 238 00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:25,932 Can I pick you up anything? 239 00:13:26,094 --> 00:13:29,836 Yeah, yeah, um, ear plugs would be nice. 240 00:13:29,998 --> 00:13:32,136 And that gun I mentioned. 241 00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:34,445 Nothing special. 242 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,777 I'm only gonna use it just the once. 243 00:13:45,101 --> 00:13:48,069 - Hey, Jake. - Hey. Gotta hit the crapper. 244 00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:51,243 You must be Judith. 245 00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:52,813 I'm sorry, do I know you? 246 00:13:52,974 --> 00:13:56,836 I'm Melissa, Dr. Harper's receptionist. We talk on the phone all the time. 247 00:13:57,006 --> 00:13:59,308 Oh, right, Melissa. It's nice to finally meet you. 248 00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:01,325 Alan! 249 00:14:01,486 --> 00:14:03,591 Oh. Oh, hey. Hey. Hi, uh, hi, Judith. 250 00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:05,416 This is Melissa. Melissa, Judith. 251 00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:08,102 It's not what it looks like. Charlie's doing her, not me. 252 00:14:09,357 --> 00:14:12,424 - And, uh, where is Charlie anyway? - Taking a nap. 253 00:14:12,589 --> 00:14:14,150 Hmm. - He says I drain him. 254 00:14:15,725 --> 00:14:17,384 Isn't that adorable? 255 00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:21,415 Adorable, disturbing, whatever. 256 00:14:21,581 --> 00:14:23,076 Uh, thanks, I've got this. 257 00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:26,119 Your brother and your receptionist? 258 00:14:26,285 --> 00:14:28,707 What? The Volvo's in the shop. He twisted my nipples... 259 00:14:28,878 --> 00:14:30,885 - and peed in my office. - What? 260 00:14:31,054 --> 00:14:32,810 I'm not thrilled, but what can I do? 261 00:14:32,974 --> 00:14:36,040 You could think about the effect these shenanigans have on your son. 262 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,635 Okay, you know what, Judith? I have enough problems. 263 00:14:38,798 --> 00:14:42,442 If you're not comfortable leaving Jake here for the weekend, then take him home. 264 00:14:42,701 --> 00:14:44,196 Nice try, Alan. 265 00:14:51,597 --> 00:14:54,631 You think Uncle Charlie and Melissa are coming down for lunch? 266 00:14:54,798 --> 00:14:56,325 I doubt it. 267 00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,202 - Can I have their chicken? - Knock yourself out. 268 00:15:05,454 --> 00:15:07,363 You know how you say I can ask you anything? 269 00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:10,186 - Yeah? - Is them being together weird for you? 270 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,429 No, no. 271 00:15:11,598 --> 00:15:13,159 Well, you're a better man than I. 272 00:15:17,326 --> 00:15:19,431 - How so? - Well, remember when Uncle Charlie... 273 00:15:19,598 --> 00:15:21,834 - was hitting my fifth-grade teacher? - Okay. 274 00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:24,748 Can we please stop calling it "hitting"? 275 00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:27,943 I got another word, but I don't think you're gonna like it. 276 00:15:31,726 --> 00:15:37,061 Fine. Fine, then I do remember when he was hitting your fifth-grade teacher. 277 00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:40,105 - That kind of bugged me. - Well, I'm sorry. 278 00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:43,113 - Don't think there should be boundaries? - I do think that. 279 00:15:43,789 --> 00:15:46,572 But I thought you said it's not weird he's hitting your receptionist. 280 00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:50,596 Ah, uh, well, pal, um, the thing is, um... 281 00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:52,484 Daddy lied. 282 00:15:53,198 --> 00:15:55,848 - Oh, then it is weird for you? - Yes, yes, it's weird for me. 283 00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:57,965 - Are you jealous? - Uh, no, no. 284 00:15:58,126 --> 00:16:01,509 Because I was a little bit jealous about Miss Pasternak. 285 00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:02,921 She had a rocking bod. 286 00:16:04,878 --> 00:16:06,471 Eat your chicken. 287 00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:12,744 Melissa? 288 00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:16,488 We, uh, need to get a move on. A lot of traffic, what with the rain and all. 289 00:16:16,654 --> 00:16:20,036 CHARLIE: We need a minute, Alan. - Oh, God. 290 00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:23,562 What can they do in a minute that they didn't do all weekend? 291 00:16:24,078 --> 00:16:26,282 MELISSA: You are just a selfish son of a bitch... 292 00:16:26,446 --> 00:16:28,518 and you can go right to hell! 293 00:16:30,318 --> 00:16:33,613 Sorry, Dr. Harper. I'll be in the car. 294 00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,555 Well, that could've gone better. 295 00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:41,925 I knew it. 296 00:16:42,093 --> 00:16:44,744 I thought it might take longer than 48 hours, but I knew it. 297 00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:47,463 Hey, hey, hey. A little sensitivity would be appreciated. 298 00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:48,807 I'm hurting here. 299 00:16:49,102 --> 00:16:51,142 I'm sure a lot of that is friction burn. 300 00:16:52,782 --> 00:16:56,644 - Whoa, whoa, where does that come from? - Oh, where does it come from? 301 00:16:56,974 --> 00:17:01,196 It comes from a long history of you using my life as a specimen cup. 302 00:17:01,678 --> 00:17:04,678 Excuse me, but you're still talking about the old Charlie. 303 00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:08,330 This Charlie was hoping to have a relationship of substance and depth. 304 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:13,131 By locking a stranger in your room and hitting it for two days straight? 305 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:16,707 Okay, mea culpa. 306 00:17:17,902 --> 00:17:19,112 Change is hard. 307 00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:22,946 And now that I'm hearing it, I agree with you. 308 00:17:23,118 --> 00:17:25,387 "Hitting it" is an ugly term. 309 00:17:25,774 --> 00:17:28,134 - Don't change the subject. What happened? CHARLIE: Nothing. 310 00:17:31,373 --> 00:17:33,829 I just said to her maybe we should slow things down... 311 00:17:33,997 --> 00:17:35,012 see other people. 312 00:17:35,182 --> 00:17:37,451 What-? You said this after the two days? 313 00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,716 How could I know beforehand? 314 00:17:40,878 --> 00:17:44,652 I thought you'd be happy. You didn't want me to go out with her in the first place. 315 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,563 Yes, but it's no longer the first place. It's the last place. 316 00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:50,952 What can I tell you, Alan? I made a mistake. 317 00:17:51,117 --> 00:17:52,165 I rushed to love. 318 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,791 No, no. 319 00:17:54,957 --> 00:17:57,445 Your mistake was you rushed to love my receptionist. 320 00:17:57,614 --> 00:17:59,588 The woman I depend upon to run my business. 321 00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:02,889 Oh, she's a good kid. She'll get over it. 322 00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:07,721 You hear that? Does that sound like a woman who's getting over it? 323 00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:10,373 Well, Alan, the wounds are fresh. 324 00:18:10,542 --> 00:18:13,673 - You're gonna need to be patient. - Why should I have to be patient? 325 00:18:13,838 --> 00:18:15,910 Well, you have to work with her. 326 00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:20,941 And it sounds like you better get going. 327 00:18:21,102 --> 00:18:24,746 Sure you don't wanna come back to my office and hump my fax machine? 328 00:18:25,358 --> 00:18:28,075 Wow. You still have a fax machine? 329 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,155 You're despicable. 330 00:18:31,118 --> 00:18:32,678 - Alan, wait. - What? 331 00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:35,786 - Let me make it up to you. - How could you make it up to me? 332 00:18:36,301 --> 00:18:40,425 Well, I'm guessing she won't be inclined to bring you back here tonight... 333 00:18:40,589 --> 00:18:43,404 so why don't you take a cab and I'll pay for it? 334 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,790 Thanks. 335 00:18:44,941 --> 00:18:46,730 That makes up for everything. 336 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:50,573 I'm talking cab, not town car. 337 00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:53,705 Oh, man. 338 00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:57,739 Breakups are so hard. 339 00:18:59,758 --> 00:19:01,002 Ow! 340 00:19:01,549 --> 00:19:02,549 Huh. 341 00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:05,865 I do have a little friction burn. 342 00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:15,530 That miserable son of a bitch. 343 00:19:15,693 --> 00:19:18,955 You might wanna extend your brake zone on the wet roads. It's a little- 344 00:19:19,118 --> 00:19:21,322 - I'm so stupid. - No, no, no. You're not stupid. 345 00:19:21,486 --> 00:19:23,308 You're a dear, sweet, remarkably bright- 346 00:19:23,470 --> 00:19:25,670 Truck. Watch out for the truck! Watch out for the truck! 347 00:19:32,365 --> 00:19:34,220 - I want a raise. - Sure, sure. 348 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,317 - And health insurance. - A given. Can't believe you don't have it. 349 00:19:37,485 --> 00:19:39,525 - And a paid vacation. - Hang on a second. There's only- 350 00:19:39,693 --> 00:19:41,897 Aah! Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks!