1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:06,283 Oh, man. 2 00:00:06,448 --> 00:00:08,302 That was intense. 3 00:00:09,072 --> 00:00:11,308 I need some fluids. 4 00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:20,006 I must've been down a quart. 5 00:00:20,175 --> 00:00:22,564 Guess that makes you up a quart, huh? 6 00:00:23,536 --> 00:00:26,536 Hey, you know what would be good right now? 7 00:00:26,704 --> 00:00:28,264 A pudding cup. 8 00:00:28,432 --> 00:00:30,668 I've got some in the fridge. Ahem. You want one? 9 00:00:33,519 --> 00:00:36,651 Um, you have a bad experience with pudding? 10 00:00:37,199 --> 00:00:38,988 What are we doing, Charlie? 11 00:00:39,535 --> 00:00:44,172 Well, you're crying, and my best guess is I'm about to apologize for something. 12 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:47,205 Every time I come over, it's the same routine. 13 00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:49,994 We have Chinese takeout, then we have sex... 14 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,549 then we roll over and go to sleep. 15 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,753 Which is why I suggested the pudding. 16 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,526 You know, mix it up a little. 17 00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:04,009 Besides, what about all the wonderful talking and joking and, you know... 18 00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:07,404 - sharing we do? - Sharing? 19 00:01:07,792 --> 00:01:13,029 - What do we share, Charlie? - Well, uh, we share Chinese takeout. 20 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,811 And, uh, hey, the other night we watched the Laker game together. 21 00:01:16,975 --> 00:01:20,074 You watched it over my shoulder while we were having sex. 22 00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:23,533 Oh, come on, it was overtime. 23 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,601 What kind of relationship is this? 24 00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:29,102 We don't go anywhere, we don't do anything. 25 00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:31,369 Where do you wanna go? What do you wanna do? 26 00:01:31,536 --> 00:01:36,107 - I can get Laker tickets. - I don't want to go to a basketball game. 27 00:01:36,271 --> 00:01:40,166 I wanna know who you are. I want you to know who I am. 28 00:01:40,336 --> 00:01:43,500 - I know who you are. - You do? 29 00:01:43,664 --> 00:01:45,093 Okay, what's my middle name? 30 00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:47,144 Your middle name? 31 00:01:47,312 --> 00:01:48,621 Okay. 32 00:01:48,783 --> 00:01:50,605 I know this. 33 00:01:51,471 --> 00:01:53,293 - Sunburned boobs. - What? 34 00:01:53,455 --> 00:01:55,343 Hang on, hang on. 35 00:01:55,503 --> 00:01:59,659 Sunburned boobs, red boobs, red breasts. Robin. 36 00:02:01,775 --> 00:02:03,204 A little memory trick. 37 00:02:03,376 --> 00:02:05,547 My middle name is Christine. 38 00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:07,658 Not a very good trick. 39 00:02:08,847 --> 00:02:10,374 Who's my best friend? 40 00:02:10,544 --> 00:02:11,656 Where do I work? 41 00:02:11,823 --> 00:02:13,416 What's my cat's name? 42 00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,045 What-What's my favorite movie? 43 00:02:15,215 --> 00:02:16,589 What kind of music do I like? 44 00:02:16,751 --> 00:02:18,093 What religion was I raised in? 45 00:02:18,255 --> 00:02:20,295 And do I have any brothers and sisters? 46 00:02:21,872 --> 00:02:24,239 Okay, I'd like to start with the cat. 47 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,908 I'm gonna go with Fluffy. 48 00:02:29,392 --> 00:02:31,530 Drop dead. 49 00:02:32,784 --> 00:02:34,791 Snowball? Mr. Mittens? 50 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,902 Tiger? Whiskers? Puss-Puss? 51 00:02:38,544 --> 00:02:41,991 - Oh, come on, what's my middle name? Francis. 52 00:02:42,159 --> 00:02:45,258 - No, it's not. Yes, it is. 53 00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:47,278 Show off. 54 00:02:56,688 --> 00:02:59,437 Oh, Chelsea, come on, how much do I need to know about you... 55 00:02:59,599 --> 00:03:01,487 other than I'm crazy about you? 56 00:03:01,647 --> 00:03:04,265 It's not that you don't know, it's that you don't care. 57 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,589 I do care. I just don't pay close attention. 58 00:03:07,759 --> 00:03:08,969 Goodbye, Charlie. 59 00:03:09,135 --> 00:03:12,965 I mean, uh, I pay attention, but I don't test well. 60 00:03:19,695 --> 00:03:22,510 What did you do, bring out the handcuffs too early? 61 00:03:24,176 --> 00:03:27,689 - Apparently, I don't know her middle name. - It's Christine. 62 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,582 - How do you know? - She told me. 63 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,303 - Why did she tell you? - I asked her. 64 00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:34,373 - Why did you ask? - How else do you get to know a person? 65 00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:36,398 Go away. 66 00:03:36,687 --> 00:03:39,753 Ahem, if a woman stormed out on me after sex, would you go away? 67 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:41,959 That's beside the point. 68 00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:44,422 So, what happened? 69 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,085 I don't know. 70 00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:47,500 We were having a nice night. 71 00:03:47,664 --> 00:03:50,053 Little lo mein, little sex, then the crying started. 72 00:03:50,223 --> 00:03:52,973 Oh, yeah. Been there, done that. 73 00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:56,077 No, she was crying. 74 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,705 - She wants more out of our relationship. - More what? 75 00:04:02,191 --> 00:04:03,304 I'm not sure. 76 00:04:03,471 --> 00:04:05,359 I know it's not pudding. 77 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,584 Well, what did she say? 78 00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:11,178 She said I don't know her well enough. 79 00:04:11,343 --> 00:04:13,318 You tell me, what's more important to know: 80 00:04:13,488 --> 00:04:16,935 her cat's name or which of her body parts you can't sneak up on? 81 00:04:17,103 --> 00:04:19,754 Well, I'm not sure one necessarily precludes the other. 82 00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:24,621 Yeah, well, I've never been mule-kicked for not knowing a cat's name. 83 00:04:25,616 --> 00:04:26,793 It doesn't matter. 84 00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:28,421 There's more where she came from. 85 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,958 Speaking of which. 86 00:04:31,631 --> 00:04:33,835 Where does she come from? 87 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,023 - I don't know and I don't care. - Davenport, Iowa. 88 00:04:38,192 --> 00:04:40,079 Bite me. 89 00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,863 - Wanna know her cat's name? - No. 90 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,263 It's Mandu. 91 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:50,537 - Mandu? - Yeah. You know, "Cat Mandu." 92 00:04:51,536 --> 00:04:53,226 It's cute, huh? 93 00:04:53,391 --> 00:04:55,180 Why was I thinking Puss-Puss? 94 00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:57,700 Because that's what you're always thinking. 95 00:05:02,607 --> 00:05:04,941 What happened to all the pudding cups? 96 00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:09,254 - I guess your uncle ate them. - All of them? There were two 12-packs. 97 00:05:09,711 --> 00:05:11,272 Have something else. 98 00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:16,586 No cookies? What the hell is going on around here? 99 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:19,500 - Hey, watch your mouth. - I am watching it. It's empty. 100 00:05:19,663 --> 00:05:21,671 I need dessert. 101 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,613 - Son of a bitch. - Jake. 102 00:05:27,215 --> 00:05:29,703 Frozen peas. What am I gonna do with frozen peas? 103 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,043 Well, if you want dessert, have an apple. 104 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,287 Not funny, Dad. 105 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,472 You sure I can't interest you in a pudding cup? 106 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,494 Thanks, I'm okay. 107 00:05:40,655 --> 00:05:45,259 - How about a chocolate chunk cookie? - No, thank you. 108 00:05:46,895 --> 00:05:49,743 - Did you quit drinking? - God, no. 109 00:05:49,903 --> 00:05:51,910 - Why? - You seem to be experimenting... 110 00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:54,054 with a new sugar-delivery system. 111 00:05:55,919 --> 00:05:57,741 Anything bothering you lately? 112 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:04,428 Well, there is this one thing, but I don't know if it's medical or psychological. 113 00:06:04,943 --> 00:06:06,405 Tell me. 114 00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:11,659 Lately, I've passed up a couple of opportunities to get some strange. 115 00:06:12,528 --> 00:06:13,989 Strange? 116 00:06:14,159 --> 00:06:15,501 Um... 117 00:06:16,207 --> 00:06:18,990 Women with whom I have not previously been acquainted. 118 00:06:19,151 --> 00:06:21,125 Oh, right, strange. 119 00:06:21,295 --> 00:06:22,637 Charming. 120 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:23,799 Go on. 121 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,372 I was wondering if there's something wrong with me. 122 00:06:27,536 --> 00:06:30,569 Because you passed up meaningless sex with strangers? 123 00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:32,262 Exactly. 124 00:06:32,431 --> 00:06:34,319 That's not like me. 125 00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:38,348 Hey, you know, I bet "strange" comes from "stranger." 126 00:06:39,056 --> 00:06:40,550 I wouldn't be surprised. 127 00:06:42,031 --> 00:06:43,820 So, what else going on with your life? 128 00:06:44,816 --> 00:06:46,342 Not much. 129 00:06:46,511 --> 00:06:49,064 I've been gaining a little weight for some reason. 130 00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:54,311 - Maybe I haven't been sleeping well. - Yeah, that's probably it. 131 00:06:57,423 --> 00:07:00,903 Oh, and this one girl I've been seeing pretty regularly decided to dump me. 132 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,917 Huh. 133 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,258 - "Huh," what? - Oh, nothing. 134 00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:09,133 It's just, sometimes I feel like I'm stealing your money. 135 00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:11,597 So tell me about this woman. 136 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,422 Chelsea? 137 00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:14,827 Not much to tell. 138 00:07:14,991 --> 00:07:18,057 She's beautiful, sexy, smart, independent. 139 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,439 Sometimes, when she laughs, she makes a little snorting noise. 140 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,430 It's really cute. Kind of like: 141 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,790 Not as cute when I do it. 142 00:07:31,503 --> 00:07:32,648 Sounds like quite a catch. 143 00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:35,143 - She's okay. - Why did she dump you? 144 00:07:35,311 --> 00:07:37,766 Who can understand a woman's mind? 145 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,676 Yeah, we're pretty little puzzles, ain't we? 146 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,629 So it's not just me. 147 00:07:46,671 --> 00:07:50,948 Anyway, for some reason, she suddenly became dissatisfied with our relationship. 148 00:07:51,119 --> 00:07:53,868 - Well, describe the relationship. - It was great. 149 00:07:54,031 --> 00:07:56,137 She'd come over a couple times a week. 150 00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:58,889 Either she'd bring food or I'd have something delivered. 151 00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:00,265 We'd have sex, then eat... 152 00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:03,301 then maybe have sex again depending on what was on TV. 153 00:08:03,727 --> 00:08:06,509 And she became dissatisfied with that? 154 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,461 I know, right? 155 00:08:10,895 --> 00:08:13,132 Ooh, butterscotch. 156 00:08:13,551 --> 00:08:16,169 So how did you feel about losing her? 157 00:08:16,335 --> 00:08:18,310 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 158 00:08:18,479 --> 00:08:22,254 Come on, Charlie, Dr. Seuss could diagnose this. 159 00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:26,092 You're stuffing yourself with crap to suppress your negative feelings. 160 00:08:26,895 --> 00:08:28,870 No, I'm pretty sure that's why I drink. 161 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,051 You have a choice here. 162 00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:33,419 You can dig down and confront your feelings... 163 00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:35,754 so they won't be controlling your behavior... 164 00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:38,024 or you can keep eating pudding and cookies... 165 00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:40,777 until you have more chins than a Chinese phone book. 166 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,337 Hmm... 167 00:08:43,503 --> 00:08:44,615 No. What else you got? 168 00:08:45,551 --> 00:08:48,900 - Do you have a better idea? - What if I could get Chelsea back? 169 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:51,591 That would only be a temporary solution. 170 00:08:51,759 --> 00:08:53,930 So? That's what people said about bourbon... 171 00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:56,429 and we've been together for almost 30 years. 172 00:08:56,591 --> 00:09:01,064 Okay, you're right. Go get Chelsea back, and all your problems will be solved. 173 00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:06,473 - I'm sensing sarcasm. - Oh, good, we're finally making progress. 174 00:09:11,727 --> 00:09:13,637 Here you go. 175 00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:15,212 What are you drinking? 176 00:09:15,375 --> 00:09:18,724 Chocolate caramel frappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles. 177 00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:23,911 My nephew turned me on to it. You want some? 178 00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,948 No, thanks, I had a hot-fudge sundae for breakfast. 179 00:09:27,119 --> 00:09:29,126 Ooh, that sounds good. 180 00:09:34,479 --> 00:09:36,584 Ah, you look nice. 181 00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:41,674 I've gotta get back to work, Charlie. What do you want? 182 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:44,006 I just wanted to see you, see how you're doing. 183 00:09:44,175 --> 00:09:46,248 - I'm fine. - Good. 184 00:09:46,415 --> 00:09:49,993 And how's your family back in Davenport, Iowa? 185 00:09:50,159 --> 00:09:51,947 I'm from Champaign, Illinois. 186 00:09:54,735 --> 00:09:56,775 - You sure? - I'm sure. 187 00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,528 Bastard set me up. 188 00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:03,398 - What? - Nothing, nothing. 189 00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:07,528 - I miss you. - I miss you too, but it doesn't matter. 190 00:10:07,695 --> 00:10:11,044 Our relationship wasn't going anywhere, and you are incapable of change. 191 00:10:11,215 --> 00:10:14,314 It's not that I'm incapable, I've just been unwilling. 192 00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:18,025 - Thanks for clearing that up. - No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. 193 00:10:18,447 --> 00:10:19,657 I've been seeing a shrink. 194 00:10:20,303 --> 00:10:22,343 - Really? - Yeah. I'm making a lot of progress... 195 00:10:22,511 --> 00:10:25,261 confronting my- What do you call them? Personal issues. 196 00:10:26,639 --> 00:10:30,250 - Well, I'm glad to hear it. - Come, sit. 197 00:10:33,743 --> 00:10:36,777 And check this out, the shrink's a woman. A real ballbuster. 198 00:10:36,943 --> 00:10:39,496 - I can't get away with anything. - Ballbuster? 199 00:10:40,175 --> 00:10:44,103 In a good way. You know, a buster of emotional balls. 200 00:10:46,319 --> 00:10:47,977 You should meet her. 201 00:10:48,783 --> 00:10:50,823 Are you suggesting we go to couples counseling? 202 00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:53,931 Uh... 203 00:10:57,487 --> 00:10:59,145 Sure. 204 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,541 I mean, I wanna work on our relationship, and what better way... 205 00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:04,458 than couples counseling? 206 00:11:05,391 --> 00:11:07,780 - You're serious? - Of course I'm serious. 207 00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:11,017 You think I'd blurt out something like that in a desperate attempt... 208 00:11:11,183 --> 00:11:13,038 to keep you from leaving? 209 00:11:13,711 --> 00:11:16,678 - It occurred to me. - Well, clearly you don't know me... 210 00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:18,757 - as well as you should. - All right. 211 00:11:18,926 --> 00:11:22,156 Couples counseling. Wow. I'm impressed, Charlie. 212 00:11:22,319 --> 00:11:24,173 Ha, ha. Me too. 213 00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:27,173 Okay, I gotta run. 214 00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:29,676 - Let me know when our appointment is. - Sure thing. 215 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,685 Bye-bye. 216 00:11:33,775 --> 00:11:36,296 Oh, God, what have I done? 217 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:48,071 Davenport, Iowa? 218 00:11:49,455 --> 00:11:53,099 Oh, uh, did I say Davenport, Iowa? 219 00:11:53,263 --> 00:11:55,368 I meant Champaign, Illinois. 220 00:11:56,271 --> 00:11:59,783 - Okay, that's one for you. - Thank you. 221 00:12:01,743 --> 00:12:03,117 Ow! 222 00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:06,629 And that's one for me. 223 00:12:07,534 --> 00:12:09,422 Now, I need some advice. 224 00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:11,339 Oh, and just a friendly heads-up... 225 00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:13,870 you screw with me, it's gonna cost you some teeth. 226 00:12:14,031 --> 00:12:15,493 I'm listening. 227 00:12:15,662 --> 00:12:18,510 Wait a minute, what's this about? 228 00:12:19,471 --> 00:12:21,271 Oh, he bought some stuff with his own money... 229 00:12:21,359 --> 00:12:24,392 - and he doesn't want you eating it. - Huh. 230 00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:31,944 - You've been to couples counseling, right? - Yeah, why? 231 00:12:32,111 --> 00:12:35,656 I'm going with Chelsea, and I need to know what I'm getting into. 232 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,710 Oh, you're gonna love it. 233 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,772 - I am? - Absolutely. 234 00:12:41,007 --> 00:12:44,455 Once a week, you sit on a couch with your significant other... 235 00:12:44,622 --> 00:12:49,325 while she snips off your testicles, reaches up inside your chest cavity... 236 00:12:49,487 --> 00:12:51,243 and goes like this: 237 00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:53,931 To your heart. 238 00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:59,847 - That doesn't sound very good. - Oh, it's horrible. 239 00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:01,190 But it's worth it... 240 00:13:01,359 --> 00:13:03,846 because you're paying a stranger to watch... 241 00:13:04,015 --> 00:13:06,088 while your life goes down the toilet... 242 00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:10,794 along with your money and your house and your car... 243 00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:14,374 and every last shred of your self-respect! 244 00:13:18,127 --> 00:13:20,396 You know, maybe you're not the right guy to ask. 245 00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:23,815 Oh, no, no, no. I'm the perfect guy to ask. 246 00:13:23,982 --> 00:13:27,627 Uh, when Judith and I started, ha, ha, we were just a couple with a few problems. 247 00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:31,020 When we finished, I came to live on your couch! 248 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:35,949 God bless couples counseling! 249 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,142 That better not be one of my pudding cups. 250 00:13:49,423 --> 00:13:50,852 Nope, ahem. 251 00:14:05,358 --> 00:14:08,871 - Hi, Charlie. Come on in. - Shouldn't we wait for Chelsea? 252 00:14:09,039 --> 00:14:10,086 She's already here. 253 00:14:10,895 --> 00:14:12,171 Really? 254 00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:14,374 That seems a little ambush-y. 255 00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,892 - Hi, sweetie. - You're late. 256 00:14:18,063 --> 00:14:20,550 I know, I know. I'm sorry. 257 00:14:20,718 --> 00:14:23,752 But, ahem, I have a good excuse. 258 00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:26,952 Happy first day of counseling. 259 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,900 - You brought a present? - Yeah. 260 00:14:30,062 --> 00:14:32,102 - Isn't that the protocol? - No. 261 00:14:33,071 --> 00:14:36,748 So you don't want this bottle of champagne? 262 00:14:38,702 --> 00:14:40,971 Bastard got me again. 263 00:14:41,519 --> 00:14:44,552 - Why don't we get started? - Hold on. Hold on. 264 00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:47,982 Does the name Mandu ring any kind of a bell? 265 00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:52,140 - What? - I'm gonna kill him. 266 00:14:52,910 --> 00:14:57,166 Why don't we start out with why we're here and what our goals are? 267 00:14:57,327 --> 00:15:00,643 - Chelsea, would you like to go first? - Sure. 268 00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:05,994 I want to know if my relationship with Charlie can be more than sex, TV... 269 00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:07,784 and Chinese food. 270 00:15:07,951 --> 00:15:10,820 - It can. Right, doc? - Of course it can. 271 00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,551 Thank you. 272 00:15:12,718 --> 00:15:14,955 Well, this is good. This is progress. 273 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,773 I have to say, this has been a very good session. 274 00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:19,974 Where do you think you're going? 275 00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:21,774 Nowhere. 276 00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:25,961 Just stretching my legs. 277 00:15:27,822 --> 00:15:31,139 Charlie, before you got here, Chelsea mentioned that she feels... 278 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:34,987 - you've fallen into a rut. - A rut? We're not in a rut. 279 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,874 When's the last time we did something new? 280 00:15:38,351 --> 00:15:40,173 Hello. 281 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:44,935 Great. What else? 282 00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,114 Uh... 283 00:15:48,719 --> 00:15:49,719 He's got nothing. 284 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,928 Excuse me. If this is gonna work, you can't jump all over me while I'm thinking. 285 00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:57,060 - I'm sorry. Go ahead. - Thank you. 286 00:16:00,847 --> 00:16:02,374 I got nothing. 287 00:16:03,631 --> 00:16:05,998 Okay, might I make a suggestion? 288 00:16:06,159 --> 00:16:11,560 Would you be willing to commit to Chelsea that maybe once a week, twice a month... 289 00:16:11,726 --> 00:16:14,792 you do something together completely outside your comfort zone? 290 00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:16,584 Done, no problem. 291 00:16:17,198 --> 00:16:19,108 So we could go to the ballet... 292 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:22,442 the opera, visit my parents, hang out with my brother... 293 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,876 - go hiking with my friends? - Yeah, whoa, whoa. 294 00:16:25,039 --> 00:16:28,967 I was thinking more like renting a chick flick and ordering Italian. 295 00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,948 - This is hopeless. - No, no, no, there's hope. 296 00:16:32,111 --> 00:16:34,150 There's always hope. Keep hope alive. 297 00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,096 I can do those things. 298 00:16:38,479 --> 00:16:40,934 Come. Sit. 299 00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:51,085 Charlie, has it ever occurred to you... 300 00:16:51,246 --> 00:16:54,061 that you might enjoy doing new things and meeting new people? 301 00:16:55,471 --> 00:16:59,268 I know I'm supposed to say yes, but, uh... 302 00:17:00,303 --> 00:17:04,972 every fiber of my body is screaming, "No!" 303 00:17:07,118 --> 00:17:08,973 All right, then I have to ask. 304 00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:12,363 Given that you and Chelsea are such different people... 305 00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:14,632 why do you want to be in this relationship? 306 00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:17,453 Well... 307 00:17:18,191 --> 00:17:19,783 because I'm crazy about her. 308 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:22,219 When I'm with somebody else, I'm thinking of her. 309 00:17:22,382 --> 00:17:25,230 Not that I've been with anybody else. Tell her, doc. 310 00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,797 He passed up strange. 311 00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:31,307 See? That's gotta mean something, considering how I used to, you know... 312 00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:33,325 live for strange. 313 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,170 First time in the sack, she was the strange. 314 00:17:36,878 --> 00:17:39,017 Charlie, can I give you my opinion as your therapist? 315 00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:40,938 - Sure. - Shut up. 316 00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:44,461 Oh, God, I wish I could. 317 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:48,547 Chelsea, look. I know I'm not perfect. 318 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,791 - Ha, ha. - Hey, hey, hey. 319 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,056 I'm sorry. That was probably unprofessional. 320 00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:59,947 Anyway, you need to know that you mean everything to me... 321 00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,663 and I'll do whatever it takes to make this work. 322 00:18:03,086 --> 00:18:05,061 - You really mean that? - I do. 323 00:18:05,966 --> 00:18:06,966 Thank you, Charlie. 324 00:18:09,039 --> 00:18:12,235 Well, this has been very helpful. 325 00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:14,765 Sit down, Charlie. 326 00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:16,134 We're not done? 327 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,310 Not even close. 328 00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:20,007 Oh, boy. 329 00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,541 What else could we possibly have to talk about? 330 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:25,484 Well, there's always your mother and that your relationship issues... 331 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:29,541 are linked to anger towards her as well as fear of your latent homosexuality. 332 00:18:32,206 --> 00:18:34,214 It was kind of a rhetorical question. 333 00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:48,997 Charlie? - Yeah. 334 00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:51,719 How was couples counseling? 335 00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:56,292 You really wanna know? 336 00:19:03,855 --> 00:19:07,051 Sure. Tell me everything. 337 00:19:10,286 --> 00:19:11,660 Ow! 338 00:19:12,655 --> 00:19:13,767 Why? 339 00:19:13,934 --> 00:19:14,981 Why would you do that? 340 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,120 You know, I-I've been asking myself the same thing... 341 00:19:18,286 --> 00:19:21,963 and the only thing I can come up with is, it's really, really funny. 342 00:19:23,726 --> 00:19:26,508 Go ahead, yuck it up. 343 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:30,247 Those were among the worst 50 minutes of my entire life. 344 00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:34,506 - I told you, didn't I tell you? - Yep, you told me. 345 00:19:34,671 --> 00:19:37,573 I bet you left with your gonads in a guppy bag. 346 00:19:37,998 --> 00:19:40,454 - I didn't get a bag. - Going back next week? 347 00:19:40,622 --> 00:19:41,637 Uh-huh. 348 00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:43,608 - Hundred-eighty dollars an hour? - Two forty. 349 00:19:43,663 --> 00:19:45,932 Ooh, licensed. 350 00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:50,378 You two kids will patch things up in no time. 351 00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:54,088 Counseling didn't help your relationships. Doesn't mean it won't help mine. 352 00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:58,252 Right, right. Keep drinking that old Kool-Aid. 353 00:19:58,702 --> 00:20:00,011 Looking for something? 354 00:20:05,134 --> 00:20:07,174 Don't screw with me, kid. 355 00:20:08,142 --> 00:20:10,444 Now, hand over the pudding, or you'll be sorry. 356 00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:12,200 Have an apple. 357 00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:19,053 Little turd called my bluff. 358 00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:27,243 Ow!