1
00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:07,613
WOMAN [ON TV]: Bill, did you notice
that girl coming down the slope?
2
00:00:07,784 --> 00:00:10,150
You might wanna eat
so that when you throw up...
3
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,653
...it won't just be alcohol
and stomach juice.
4
00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:19,494
Way ahead of you.
I call it an Egg McBourbon.
5
00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:22,459
So this is your life now?
6
00:00:22,633 --> 00:00:25,864
You just sit here miserable and alone,
waiting for Chelsea to call.
7
00:00:26,036 --> 00:00:29,005
I'm not waiting for her to call.
I'm watching TV.
8
00:00:29,172 --> 00:00:31,663
And, occasionally, I cry.
9
00:00:32,342 --> 00:00:35,539
You do realize you're watching
The Weather Channel?
10
00:00:37,848 --> 00:00:41,045
- Happy?
- Oh, yeah, The Pet Channel.
11
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:45,017
Who doesn't enjoy seeing a dog
get his anal glands expressed?
12
00:00:45,389 --> 00:00:47,084
[PHONE RINGS]
13
00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:49,319
Chelsea?
14
00:00:50,727 --> 00:00:52,524
- Your ex-wife.
- Oh.
15
00:00:52,696 --> 00:00:55,028
Speaking of having
one's anal glands expressed.
16
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:57,928
Hi, Judith, what's up?
17
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,433
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. That's terrible.
18
00:01:01,505 --> 00:01:04,804
Her grandfather died.
He was 94. It's no big deal.
19
00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:05,999
[CLEARS THROAT]
20
00:01:06,176 --> 00:01:08,337
Well, he's in a better place now.
21
00:01:08,512 --> 00:01:11,345
He has to be. He lived in Sacramento.
22
00:01:12,349 --> 00:01:13,941
I'm sorry, what's that?
23
00:01:14,418 --> 00:01:15,942
You're kidding.
24
00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:18,553
Oh. Oh, I always loved that clock.
25
00:01:18,722 --> 00:01:20,917
He left me his grandfather clock.
26
00:01:21,091 --> 00:01:24,117
Very old, worth a fortune.
I can sell it and buy a new car.
27
00:01:24,294 --> 00:01:26,785
Oh, Judith, that's just tragic.
28
00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:30,092
So, uh, when are they gonna
deliver the clock?
29
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:31,291
Oh, yeah.
30
00:01:31,468 --> 00:01:35,700
Yeah, I guess your grandmother does
have more important things to box up.
31
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,907
Like your grandfather.
32
00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:42,944
You're right, not funny.
She never got my sense of humor.
33
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:47,548
Uh, well, I guess I'll just drive up
to Sacramento and pick it up.
34
00:01:47,718 --> 00:01:50,744
Uh, well,
once again, my deepest sympathies.
35
00:01:50,921 --> 00:01:52,548
Okay.
36
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:55,424
Score.
37
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:57,885
Help me out here.
38
00:01:58,061 --> 00:02:00,928
Why would Judith's grandfather
leave you a valuable antique?
39
00:02:01,098 --> 00:02:03,362
He liked me. I was the only one
who would sit for hours...
40
00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:05,558
...listening to his stories about Korea.
41
00:02:05,969 --> 00:02:08,460
- He fought in Korea?
- No, he was a sex tourist.
42
00:02:09,973 --> 00:02:11,270
Very creepy.
43
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:13,932
You know,
I always admired that clock.
44
00:02:14,111 --> 00:02:17,808
I remember the first time I saw it, I said,
"Bill, that is a hell of a clock."
45
00:02:17,981 --> 00:02:21,940
Uh, and he was hard of hearing,
so that led to the Korea stories.
46
00:02:22,953 --> 00:02:25,581
Oh, hey, you wanna drive up
and get it with me?
47
00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:28,316
Let's see, do I wanna drive six hours
to Sacramento...
48
00:02:28,492 --> 00:02:31,427
...to pick up a dead guy's clock?
49
00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:32,959
With me.
50
00:02:34,498 --> 00:02:36,022
Don't take this the wrong way...
51
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:39,225
...but I would rather
get a maple-syrup enema...
52
00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:43,433
...and then sit on an anthill.
53
00:02:46,143 --> 00:02:47,542
You didn't just make that up.
54
00:02:47,744 --> 00:02:50,611
No, I've actually compiled a list
of things I'd rather do...
55
00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:53,944
...than spend long periods of time
with you in an enclosed space.
56
00:02:54,818 --> 00:02:56,308
- You wanna hear some more?
- No.
57
00:02:56,486 --> 00:03:00,513
You sure? I got a beauty that involves
hemorrhoids, a bottlebrush and sea salt.
58
00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:04,058
- No, I get it. I'll just take Jake.
- Wait, wait, wait.
59
00:03:04,261 --> 00:03:06,195
So both you and Jake
are gonna be going?
60
00:03:06,363 --> 00:03:09,355
- Yes.
- Score.
61
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:17,328
MAN [ON TV]: Here's ordinary cat litter
after five days of continuous use...
62
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:19,634
... by a relatively healthy cat.
63
00:03:19,810 --> 00:03:23,246
Yuck! Looks bad, smells worse.
64
00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:27,543
Now here's Magic Pussy Litter
with its patented Cluster Busters.
65
00:03:27,718 --> 00:03:31,313
Oh, that is really cool.
66
00:03:32,089 --> 00:03:34,387
- Hey.
- Hey.
67
00:03:34,558 --> 00:03:36,822
- What you watching?
- An amazing breakthrough...
68
00:03:36,993 --> 00:03:39,689
...in cat-crap technology.
69
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:43,390
Dad says you're vegging in front
of the TV because you still miss Chelsea.
70
00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:48,664
- Well, he's right, for a change.
- You know, I kind of do too.
71
00:03:48,839 --> 00:03:52,331
Remember how she would lean over
to pour cereal for breakfast...
72
00:03:52,509 --> 00:03:54,443
...and you could see
right down her robe?
73
00:03:56,747 --> 00:03:58,738
Too soon?
74
00:04:01,418 --> 00:04:02,885
What are you doing up so late?
75
00:04:03,053 --> 00:04:05,385
I was hungry.
Wanna join me for a grilled cheese?
76
00:04:05,555 --> 00:04:07,853
- No.
- Pigs in a blanket?
77
00:04:08,024 --> 00:04:09,082
I'm all right.
78
00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:12,524
- Two ice-cream sandwiches on a waffle?
- I'll pass.
79
00:04:13,063 --> 00:04:15,623
It's no trouble.
I'm making them anyway.
80
00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:18,200
I'm fine.
81
00:04:19,836 --> 00:04:22,202
You know, I really am sorry
about you and Chelsea.
82
00:04:22,372 --> 00:04:24,863
Well, thanks, buddy.
83
00:04:27,077 --> 00:04:28,544
Her boobs are real, right?
84
00:04:31,214 --> 00:04:33,273
- Yep.
- Outstanding.
85
00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:10,753
- When can I drive?
- When I get tired.
86
00:05:10,921 --> 00:05:13,549
Relax, take in the scenery.
87
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:16,183
Okay, now what?
88
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,350
I don't know, um...
89
00:05:18,562 --> 00:05:22,498
- We enjoy each other's company.
- All right.
90
00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:36,846
Okay, now what?
91
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,176
This is a golden opportunity
to get to know each other...
92
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,113
...as more than just father and son.
93
00:05:42,619 --> 00:05:43,711
What else are we?
94
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:47,823
We're two men on the open road,
free and unencumbered.
95
00:05:48,191 --> 00:05:51,160
Oh. What's unencumbered?
96
00:05:51,661 --> 00:05:55,119
Uh, no restraints.
We can do whatever we want. Ha, ha.
97
00:05:55,298 --> 00:05:56,526
Okay.
98
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,224
I wanna drive.
99
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,392
Later. Pick something else.
100
00:06:04,507 --> 00:06:05,531
[PASSES WIND]
101
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,870
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Oh! Oh.
102
00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:09,807
- Yeah.
- Oh!
103
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,210
Oh, well, very funny.
104
00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:14,782
So you wanna go toot for toot?
Well, check this out.
105
00:06:15,285 --> 00:06:16,309
[PASSES WIND]
106
00:06:16,486 --> 00:06:17,510
[LAUGHS]
107
00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:19,621
- Wow. Ha, ha.
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
108
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:23,247
That is a bran muffin
and a half a grapefruit, my friend.
109
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:26,054
This is a grilled-cheese sandwich,
pigs in a blanket...
110
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:27,821
...and a waffle ice-cream sandwich.
111
00:06:27,998 --> 00:06:29,022
[PASSES WIND]
112
00:06:29,199 --> 00:06:30,894
- Ha, ha.
- Oh. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
113
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,194
Well, this is an antidepressant
and a mochaccino.
114
00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:35,065
[PASSES WIND]
115
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:43,805
Uh-oh.
116
00:06:44,848 --> 00:06:47,282
Keep an eye out for a gas station.
117
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,518
Twenty-eight, 29, 30.
118
00:06:53,690 --> 00:06:56,716
Oh, hell, she ain't gonna miss one.
119
00:06:58,028 --> 00:07:00,053
- Hey, Russell.
- Oh, hey, Charlie.
120
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,720
You want a muscle relaxer?
121
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,297
You take one with Viagra...
122
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,094
...and you're essentially Gumby
with a Pokey.
123
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:09,398
No, thanks.
124
00:07:09,572 --> 00:07:11,938
I actually have a prescription
from a doctor.
125
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:17,444
Whoa, look at you,
following the letter and spirit of the law.
126
00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:21,376
Sleeping pills. Those can be fun.
127
00:07:21,551 --> 00:07:24,987
You know, with a couple Red Bulls
so you don't fall asleep.
128
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,218
The party is over, Russell.
I need to get some sleep.
129
00:07:28,391 --> 00:07:31,451
Ah. Well, then you don't want this. No.
130
00:07:31,628 --> 00:07:35,325
You want something organic,
something created by Mother Nature.
131
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:38,228
- What do you got in mind?
- Ganja.
132
00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:42,567
- You trying to sell me pot?
- Ah, not just pot.
133
00:07:42,739 --> 00:07:45,765
I call this Ojai Sohigh. Heh.
134
00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:50,436
Two hits and a couple chicken burritos
and it's "Good night, Irene."
135
00:07:51,147 --> 00:07:54,412
- Don't you need a prescription for that?
- What are you, a cop?
136
00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:59,216
Okay, okay,
but you're just driving the price up.
137
00:08:00,757 --> 00:08:04,523
- Hello?
- Dr. Gollygupta, Russell here.
138
00:08:04,728 --> 00:08:07,720
Oh, hello, Russell.
How are they hanging?
139
00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:11,355
Twice the length of my penis,
thanks for asking.
140
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,970
- My friend here needs a prescription.
- All right, uh, let me see him.
141
00:08:15,138 --> 00:08:16,366
Oh, okay.
142
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:19,030
Charlie, I'd like you
to meet Dr. Gollygupta...
143
00:08:19,242 --> 00:08:23,474
...of the Gollygupta Hypertension
and Glaucoma Clinic in Sri Lanka.
144
00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:25,841
Please to turn your head and cough.
145
00:08:26,016 --> 00:08:27,711
Just turn like that. Yeah, and:
146
00:08:27,884 --> 00:08:28,942
[BOTH COUGH]
147
00:08:29,119 --> 00:08:31,383
- There you go.
- Oh, that's no good.
148
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,756
I'll send you prescription.
149
00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:38,052
[PHONE RINGING]
150
00:08:38,228 --> 00:08:40,025
Excuse me.
151
00:08:42,766 --> 00:08:46,202
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT]
Hello, Direc TV Customer Service...
152
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:48,030
... Roger speaking.
153
00:08:48,204 --> 00:08:49,501
[PRINTER BEEPS]
154
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,039
Here it is.
155
00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:55,007
Ah-ha! Great news, Charlie.
156
00:08:55,178 --> 00:08:57,078
You've got glaucoma.
157
00:08:59,783 --> 00:09:04,015
You know, for gas-station sweatpants,
these aren't bad.
158
00:09:04,187 --> 00:09:06,314
I beg to differ.
159
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,219
May I say that you have become
a very good driver?
160
00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:13,286
"Grand Theft Auto," Dad.
161
00:09:13,496 --> 00:09:16,021
It's like driver's ed,
but with pimps and ho's.
162
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,863
Well, whatever.
163
00:09:19,536 --> 00:09:22,232
So, uh, have you
given any more thought...
164
00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,839
...to what you wanna do
after high school?
165
00:09:25,008 --> 00:09:27,806
If this is the college talk,
we need to both be realistic.
166
00:09:27,977 --> 00:09:32,107
Hey, I know a big university is probably
out of reach for the time being...
167
00:09:32,315 --> 00:09:36,581
...but there's still junior colleges,
community colleges, trade schools.
168
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:40,615
Man, I'd like to trade schools right now
because this one's kicking my ass.
169
00:09:41,224 --> 00:09:43,454
Come on, Jake,
you know what I'm talking about.
170
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,254
- You have to start making plans.
- Did you have plans...
171
00:09:46,429 --> 00:09:48,556
...when you were my age?
- Yeah, I had big plans.
172
00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:50,824
What happened to them?
173
00:09:53,336 --> 00:09:55,133
Just drive.
174
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:04,545
- My life isn't over, you know.
- Okay.
175
00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:07,073
What doesn't kill us
makes us stronger.
176
00:10:07,550 --> 00:10:09,541
Well, then you must be, like, the Hulk.
177
00:10:12,622 --> 00:10:14,146
Let me tell you something.
178
00:10:14,357 --> 00:10:17,224
Chapter two of your father's story
has yet to be written.
179
00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:21,120
Is chapter one "I Crapped My Pants"?
180
00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:37,105
Is that what I think it is?
181
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,614
- Yep, I got a prescription.
- God, I love California.
182
00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:46,312
Just walk into a store
and buy your weed.
183
00:10:46,489 --> 00:10:49,481
No more schlepping out to Reseda
and trading a piece of tail...
184
00:10:49,659 --> 00:10:52,093
...for a short bag of stems and seeds.
185
00:10:52,795 --> 00:10:54,285
You're welcome to join me here.
186
00:10:54,464 --> 00:10:57,661
- No, no. Not while I'm working.
- All right.
187
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:00,298
Okay, I'm done working.
188
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:05,630
Man, if I'd known
you liked the wacky weed...
189
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:09,938
...I wouldn't have spent the last eight
years getting baked under the deck.
190
00:11:10,914 --> 00:11:12,711
You know, when I was on break.
191
00:11:15,318 --> 00:11:17,616
This is the first time
I've touched the stuff...
192
00:11:17,787 --> 00:11:20,620
...since a ZZ Top concert in '92.
193
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:24,453
I got so paranoid I locked myself in
a Porta-Potty and tried to tunnel home.
194
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:25,958
[LAUGHS]
195
00:11:26,129 --> 00:11:29,121
Well, good news.
Pot's a lot stronger now.
196
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:32,496
What do you think?
197
00:11:34,537 --> 00:11:37,199
I've rolled better joints
on the back of a motorcycle...
198
00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:40,638
...while digging a bullet
out of my boyfriend's shoulder.
199
00:11:41,578 --> 00:11:45,014
All right, fine. You try it.
200
00:11:45,648 --> 00:11:48,082
Oh, man, I hope this helps me sleep.
201
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:51,982
I can't take another night wandering
around the house thinking about Chelsea.
202
00:11:52,155 --> 00:11:54,020
Yeah, yeah. Boo-hoo.
203
00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:56,055
Let's fire up this bad boy.
204
00:12:01,998 --> 00:12:04,364
This is stupid.
We should've left it in the car.
205
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:07,469
Well, it's very valuable, Jake.
I don't wanna see it stolen.
206
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:08,661
Who steals clocks?
207
00:12:09,239 --> 00:12:11,605
"Clock-tomaniacs."
208
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:17,676
You have your mother's
sense of humor.
209
00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:22,343
Okay, let's put her down real easy.
210
00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:24,110
Okay.
211
00:12:24,287 --> 00:12:26,755
Okay.
212
00:12:26,923 --> 00:12:27,981
Good.
213
00:12:28,157 --> 00:12:30,091
We have a couple of hours of daylight.
214
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,626
How about you and I get to know
our state capital?
215
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,786
You wanna drive to San Francisco?
216
00:12:37,066 --> 00:12:39,762
No, Sacramento is the capital
of California.
217
00:12:39,936 --> 00:12:41,767
I don't think so.
218
00:12:42,372 --> 00:12:44,363
Trust me. I got a map in the lobby...
219
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,667
...that shows all the places of interest
in Old Sac.
220
00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:48,367
Ha, ha. Old sac. Get it?
221
00:12:48,544 --> 00:12:51,911
Oh, yeah.
That was much better than my joke.
222
00:12:53,249 --> 00:12:58,380
Look at us, a couple of nuts
hanging out in Sacramento.
223
00:13:03,593 --> 00:13:06,153
[BOTH LAUGHING]
224
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,298
- Do it again.
- No. No.
225
00:13:10,466 --> 00:13:14,334
- Oh, come on. Please. Do it again.
- All right, all right. Last time.
226
00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:18,338
Badges? We don't need
no stinking badges.
227
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,499
[BOTH LAUGHING]
228
00:13:21,144 --> 00:13:23,305
Okay, okay, I got one. I got one.
229
00:13:24,147 --> 00:13:25,512
Mm.
230
00:13:25,682 --> 00:13:28,014
Some folks call it a sling blade.
I call it a kaiser blade.
231
00:13:28,184 --> 00:13:29,879
- Mm.
- Ha-ha-ha.
232
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:33,145
I like them french-fried taters. Mm.
233
00:13:33,323 --> 00:13:36,850
Oh, good idea.
234
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:41,326
- Where you going?
- To get some of them french-fried taters.
235
00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:43,863
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
236
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,057
I love you, Berta.
237
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:49,066
I love you too, Charlie.
238
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,071
Give me a thousand dollars.
239
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:56,068
- Why?
- Well, if you have to ask...
240
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:57,712
...you don't really love me.
241
00:14:00,016 --> 00:14:02,416
Oh, oh, and pretzels.
Get some pretzels.
242
00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:06,885
BERTA: Pretzels?
We don't need no stinking pretzels.
243
00:14:08,925 --> 00:14:12,725
Oh, man, I am so lucky to have her
in my life.
244
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:16,058
CHELSEA: You've had a lot
of wonderful women in your life.
245
00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:19,599
But you always find a way
to sabotage the relationship.
246
00:14:20,703 --> 00:14:23,729
- Chelsea?
MIA: She's right, Charlie.
247
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,238
If there's a way it can be blown,
you'll blow it.
248
00:14:26,409 --> 00:14:27,899
And not in the fun way.
249
00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:30,545
- Mia?
CHELSEA: Tell me something, Charlie.
250
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:34,274
Do you think your inability to commit
and all your macho posturing...
251
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,214
...is because deep down
you're afraid you're gay?
252
00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:40,845
You know, I've wondered that too.
Are you just a big old 'mo?
253
00:14:42,024 --> 00:14:45,221
He's not a 'mo.
He's got mommy issues.
254
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:48,728
Lots and lots of mommy issues.
255
00:14:49,399 --> 00:14:50,730
Lydia.
256
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:53,198
Hey, it's Lydia.
257
00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,462
EVELYN:
Excuse me.
258
00:14:55,638 --> 00:14:58,038
Why does everyone blame the mother?
259
00:14:58,207 --> 00:15:01,734
Frankly, I think you were more on target
with that homo theory.
260
00:15:02,912 --> 00:15:06,075
Okay. Okay, I don't wanna
be high anymore.
261
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,598
Hey. Ask me why
they should change the name...
262
00:15:22,765 --> 00:15:25,131
...of the Sacramento Kings
to the Sacramento Nads.
263
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:26,325
Why?
264
00:15:26,502 --> 00:15:30,996
That way everyone can chant,
"Go Nads! Go Nads!"
265
00:15:31,641 --> 00:15:33,108
Another winner.
266
00:15:33,276 --> 00:15:37,440
I may not be good at school or sports,
but no one beats me at ball jokes.
267
00:15:38,014 --> 00:15:41,609
- I'm so proud.
- Can we watch TV?
268
00:15:41,784 --> 00:15:44,082
We can watch TV anytime. Let's talk.
269
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:47,020
You sure? That hardly ever goes well.
270
00:15:47,523 --> 00:15:51,254
- Come on. What's going on in your life?
- Nothing.
271
00:15:51,427 --> 00:15:54,021
Oh, please, you're 16.
That's a very tumultuous time.
272
00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:58,190
I mean, especially with all the sexual
issues and the drugs and the Internet.
273
00:15:58,401 --> 00:16:00,665
Yeah. You gonna eat
your chicken skin?
274
00:16:01,637 --> 00:16:03,434
Help yourself.
275
00:16:03,906 --> 00:16:07,603
- You ask me, the skin's the best part.
- Yeah, but it's not good for you.
276
00:16:07,777 --> 00:16:11,042
- Anyway, about your life...
- Hey, there's a business opportunity.
277
00:16:11,214 --> 00:16:14,775
Go to those skinless-chicken restaurants,
take the skin they throw away...
278
00:16:14,951 --> 00:16:18,443
...and open up a restaurant next door
named El Pollo Skin-o.
279
00:16:20,423 --> 00:16:23,221
That means "the chicken skin"
in Spanish.
280
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,118
That's very clever.
281
00:16:25,294 --> 00:16:27,524
Guess where we'll open up
our first restaurant.
282
00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:29,221
Sacramento.
283
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:31,557
Charming.
284
00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:34,965
Then Muncie, Indiana,
home of Ball State University.
285
00:16:36,072 --> 00:16:38,973
Then Lake Titicaca.
Not a ball joke, but still funny.
286
00:16:41,477 --> 00:16:43,206
Excuse me.
287
00:16:50,953 --> 00:16:52,944
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
288
00:16:57,093 --> 00:16:58,151
What are you doing?
289
00:17:00,663 --> 00:17:02,392
Screaming into a towel.
290
00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:06,235
- Oh. I'm gonna watch TV.
- Okay.
291
00:17:09,805 --> 00:17:11,796
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
292
00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:19,114
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
293
00:17:19,282 --> 00:17:22,945
How many times has that been said
in this bed? Ha-ha-ha.
294
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,280
Or in this chair.
295
00:17:25,488 --> 00:17:27,922
Or all over this rug.
296
00:17:29,392 --> 00:17:32,020
On the balcony, looking at the ocean.
297
00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,620
[IN POLISH]
298
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,126
You're not here. You're not here.
None of you are here.
299
00:17:41,304 --> 00:17:43,431
Wow. So this is the bedroom.
300
00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:46,605
I never got past the couch.
301
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:50,803
What are you complaining about?
I never got out of the car.
302
00:17:51,414 --> 00:17:55,908
He did me in a little church in Van Nuys.
Right in the pew.
303
00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:00,721
I would never let him do me
in the pew.
304
00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:06,261
He dumped me
when I said "I love you."
305
00:18:06,429 --> 00:18:09,887
He dumped me
when he saw my penis.
306
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,891
Me too.
307
00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:15,900
- And he never called me again.
- Why, Charlie?
308
00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,766
Why didn't you call?
309
00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:19,771
WOMEN:
Why, Charlie?
310
00:18:19,942 --> 00:18:22,137
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
311
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:25,041
I was busy. I lost your number.
312
00:18:25,581 --> 00:18:26,843
I was out of town.
313
00:18:27,450 --> 00:18:29,315
You had a penis.
314
00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:32,454
You, I don't know
what that thing was.
315
00:18:33,122 --> 00:18:36,250
Oh, God. Oh, God.
316
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:47,768
This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.
317
00:18:47,937 --> 00:18:49,268
- Hey, Charlie.
- Aah!
318
00:18:50,706 --> 00:18:54,767
- Oh, Rose, not you too.
- Why not me too?
319
00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:57,936
Look, I am really sorry
about our one-night stand.
320
00:18:58,114 --> 00:19:01,948
- I know I should've called you.
- Yes, you should have.
321
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:05,212
I'll tell you what,
after I come down off this stupid pot...
322
00:19:05,388 --> 00:19:08,118
...how about I call the real you
and take you on a date?
323
00:19:08,290 --> 00:19:11,123
Tell you how much you mean,
how much you've always meant.
324
00:19:11,293 --> 00:19:13,727
The real me would like that very much.
325
00:19:14,397 --> 00:19:17,491
All I could find
was donuts and chalupas.
326
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:20,898
Hey, Rose.
327
00:19:24,173 --> 00:19:26,038
Wait, you can see her?
328
00:19:26,509 --> 00:19:30,639
Yeah. Why? Can't you?
329
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:34,610
What the hell's going on?
330
00:19:35,351 --> 00:19:39,117
You're imagining Berta.
331
00:19:41,424 --> 00:19:42,550
Are you really here?
332
00:19:44,894 --> 00:19:46,987
I don't know. Am I?
333
00:19:48,531 --> 00:19:50,260
Call me.
334
00:19:55,371 --> 00:19:59,501
Okay, roll another fatty
and let's polish off these donuts.
335
00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:11,252
Why can't I drive?
336
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:15,948
Because we are carrying a very fragile
clock that is worth a lot of money.
337
00:20:18,227 --> 00:20:21,094
So when you sell it,
what are you gonna do with the cash?
338
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:24,755
Uh, I'm not sure. I might buy a new car.
339
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:27,960
I might pay your Uncle Charlie
some of what I owe him.
340
00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:30,297
Uh, I might put it in your college fund.
341
00:20:32,408 --> 00:20:34,433
So, what kind of car
are you gonna get?
342
00:20:35,544 --> 00:20:38,240
- I got my eye on a Lexus convertible.
- Sweet.
343
00:20:38,414 --> 00:20:41,315
You know what?
That means you can have this one.
344
00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:43,718
No, thanks.
345
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:48,586
I wanna get one of those new Camaros.
Red with yellow racing stripes.
346
00:20:48,758 --> 00:20:52,125
And then I'm gonna get
a big flaming skull painted on the hood.
347
00:20:52,695 --> 00:20:56,563
Don't you think you ought to see how
the people at Domino's feel about that?
348
00:20:58,067 --> 00:21:00,262
Really? You think I can get a job
at Domino's?
349
00:21:01,804 --> 00:21:05,934
Hey, a man's reach should exceed
his grasp, or what's a heaven for?
350
00:21:06,842 --> 00:21:09,436
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
351
00:21:09,612 --> 00:21:12,274
It means that as a human, we should...
352
00:21:12,448 --> 00:21:16,248
Oh, no, no, no!
353
00:21:20,523 --> 00:21:21,649
Now can I drive?
354
00:21:49,251 --> 00:21:51,242
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]