1
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NARRATOR:
<i>Previously on</i> Two and a Half Men:

2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,087
Hi, Charlie.

3
00:00:06,258 --> 00:00:08,831
You should know
I didn't come over to ruin your date.

4
00:00:09,011 --> 00:00:10,421
Really. Why did you come?

5
00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:12,553
To tell you that I'm getting married.

6
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:14,635
Today's the big day, huh?

7
00:00:14,808 --> 00:00:16,551
Oh, please. There's no wedding.

8
00:00:16,727 --> 00:00:18,470
Would it make a difference to you...

9
00:00:18,645 --> 00:00:21,765
knowing that cute face will never
pop over that railing again?

10
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:25,143
That the one woman who's always
loved you and been there for you...

11
00:00:25,318 --> 00:00:27,441
is forever out of reach?

12
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:28,727
Come on.

13
00:00:28,905 --> 00:00:30,020
Where we going?

14
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The church. I'm gonna prove to you
she's not getting married.

15
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Look. Tell me if you see a wedding.

16
00:00:38,248 --> 00:00:39,327
I see a wedding.

17
00:00:39,541 --> 00:00:41,664
PRIEST: Two persons present
now come to be joined.

18
00:00:41,877 --> 00:00:43,750
Rose and Manfred...

19
00:00:44,671 --> 00:00:45,834
She's really doing it.

20
00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:50,295
Let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.

21
00:00:50,927 --> 00:00:53,216
And we're clear.

22
00:00:53,388 --> 00:00:57,884
Yep. That ought to do it.
Thanks, Freddy.

23
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,642
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo...

24
00:01:03,815 --> 00:01:05,607
catch a tiger...

25
00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:08,979
Oh, who am I kidding?
I love you all.

26
00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,571
Let's see, what else do we need?

27
00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:17,735
Oh, right, ice. Water in a useful form.

28
00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:20,741
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Everybody all right?

29
00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:23,952
- Charlie?
- Rose?

30
00:01:24,544 --> 00:01:26,502
What a nice surprise.

31
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- How are you?
- Oh, good, good, good. You look great.

32
00:01:29,424 --> 00:01:31,417
Thank you.
Married life agrees with me.

33
00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:34,380
That's right. Congratulations.
So where you living now?

34
00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:36,512
Manny and I moved into
my beach house.

35
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:38,010
Oh! So we'll be neighbors again.

36
00:01:38,183 --> 00:01:39,843
I'll have to come by and meet him.

37
00:01:40,018 --> 00:01:41,726
I don't think that's a good idea.

38
00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:45,181
The old boyfriend meeting
the new husband. It's a little awkward.

39
00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:49,520
Yeah, I guess you're right. I've never
been that popular with husbands.

40
00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:55,365
Or fathers, or boyfriends, sons,
surly lesbian roommates.

41
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- So anyway, you're happy?
- More than I ever dreamed possible.

42
00:01:58,954 --> 00:02:00,946
You know what he said to me
the other day?

43
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Without me at his side,
he might as well not exist.

44
00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:09,712
Wow. That's a little gay, but all right.

45
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:13,010
What about you?
Is there anyone special in your life?

46
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:17,803
No, not really. I mean, there's gals
with special skills, but I gotta pay extra.

47
00:02:18,015 --> 00:02:21,051
You should find someone
who loves you the way Manny loves me.

48
00:02:21,226 --> 00:02:24,180
The love is the same.
It's just at an hourly rate.

49
00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:26,430
Don't grow old alone, Charlie.

50
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Right.

51
00:02:28,775 --> 00:02:30,851
- Bye.
- Bye.

52
00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:37,526
What is it with women?

53
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They go off and get married and all of
a sudden seem a lot more beautiful.

54
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:44,990
No matter, McTavish.

55
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:47,539
We can grow old together.

56
00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:51,250
After all, you're only 20.

57
00:02:51,423 --> 00:02:54,340
But I doubt you're gonna see 21.

58
00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:26,414
- Is it on?
- I think so.

59
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,077
All right, let's do this.

60
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Hi, I'm Jake Harper,
and this is The Human Volcano.

61
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We begin by drinking a warm can of
Diet Coke.

62
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,050
That's not Coke, dude.

63
00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:39,211
Yeah, my dad did the shopping.

64
00:03:39,388 --> 00:03:42,839
Anyway, a warm diet cola product.

65
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[SIGHS]

66
00:03:53,610 --> 00:03:56,066
And now, I will swallow a Mentos.

67
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Mentos.

68
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Now I'll lay on the floor.

69
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,531
- Goggles.
- Right. Safety first.

70
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- You feel anything yet?
- Oh, yeah. It's working.

71
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If it starts coming out the back door,
pull your pants down and roll over.

72
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:17,873
Good thinking.

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00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:20,886
ALAN: Hey, what's going on?
- Not a good time, Dad.

74
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What are you doing on the floor?

75
00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:23,801
[JAKE HEAVING]

76
00:04:26,059 --> 00:04:27,968
Awesome.

77
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What the hell are you doing?

78
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,061
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?

79
00:04:32,232 --> 00:04:34,308
Yeah, we were making a video of...
Hold on.

80
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[VOMITING]

81
00:04:38,238 --> 00:04:40,314
- Cool stunts.

82
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:43,325
Cool stunts? In God's name, why?

83
00:04:43,493 --> 00:04:45,320
- You've heard of <i>Jackass?</i>
- Yeah?

84
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We are Dumbass.

85
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:51,167
Really.

86
00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:54,000
How ever did you come up
with that name?

87
00:04:54,171 --> 00:04:57,504
Well, we were thinking,
what's better than <i>Jackass?</i>

88
00:04:57,674 --> 00:04:59,999
No.
It's kind of a rhetorical question.

89
00:05:00,177 --> 00:05:01,635
No, it wasn't that hard.

90
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,845
It came down to a choice between
Dumbass and The Asskateers.

91
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I think you made the right call.

92
00:05:08,769 --> 00:05:12,351
- Really?
- Oh, yes. I applaud your decision.

93
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The plan is we shoot cool stunts,
post them online and sell advertising.

94
00:05:17,319 --> 00:05:20,273
Who on earth would advertise on that?

95
00:05:20,447 --> 00:05:23,318
Well, right off the bat,
we figure Coke and Mentos.

96
00:05:24,868 --> 00:05:26,825
It's a product placement bonanza.

97
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,911
Come on, let's go upload
our premiere episode.

98
00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:33,866
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about this mess?

99
00:05:34,169 --> 00:05:35,200
[SIGHS]

100
00:05:35,379 --> 00:05:36,410
Damn it.

101
00:05:37,964 --> 00:05:41,380
I'm gonna be taking care of that kid
till I'm 90.

102
00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:44,552
Please, God,
don't make me live that long.

103
00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:49,885
You'll never guess who I ran into
at the supermarket. Rose.

104
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,851
Oh. She's back from her honeymoon?

105
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:54,476
And living down the beach
with her new husband.

106
00:05:54,648 --> 00:05:59,440
- Good for her.
- Yeah. Good for her.

107
00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:02,730
You have to forget about her, Charlie.

108
00:06:02,906 --> 00:06:06,738
I know. That's why I got me
some milk of amnesia.

109
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Nice.

110
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What you doing down there?

111
00:06:11,081 --> 00:06:14,829
Wiping up cola vomit
my son spewed in my face.

112
00:06:15,419 --> 00:06:18,585
Oh, great.
The Human Volcano worked.

113
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- You knew about this?
- It was my idea.

114
00:06:21,925 --> 00:06:23,206
- You're kidding.
- Yeah.

115
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It'll make a great first episode
of The Asskateers.

116
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:28,170
Actually, I think they went
with Dumbass.

117
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Oh, damn, I already had
a bunch of T-shirts made up.

118
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What can I say?

119
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You gotta like that your son's
got entrepreneurial spirit.

120
00:06:37,232 --> 00:06:39,438
Thanks for showing me
the bright side.

121
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:42,480
No problem. Memory wipe?

122
00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:45,479
I think I will.

123
00:07:07,763 --> 00:07:10,717
Looking for Japanese subs, captain?

124
00:07:10,891 --> 00:07:13,596
What? No, I'm just trying out
these new binoculars.

125
00:07:13,769 --> 00:07:15,761
You're spying on Rose, aren't you?

126
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:18,808
It's not spying, it's...
Shut up and leave me alone.

127
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:21,226
You said you were gonna forget her.

128
00:07:21,401 --> 00:07:24,568
And you said you were gonna move out
after a few days.

129
00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:26,815
Don't change the subject.

130
00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:28,817
I'm just trying to get a glimpse
of her husband.

131
00:07:28,992 --> 00:07:30,652
Oh! That's really sad.

132
00:07:30,827 --> 00:07:34,279
Sadder than throwing your back out
trying to pleasure yourself?

133
00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,913
I was doing yoga.

134
00:07:37,084 --> 00:07:39,491
Then why were you wearing lipstick?

135
00:07:41,672 --> 00:07:44,423
And again, don't change the subject.

136
00:07:44,591 --> 00:07:47,509
I am simply curious to see
what kind of guy Rose would marry.

137
00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:50,050
If that's the case,
why don't you go over there...

138
00:07:50,222 --> 00:07:52,760
knock on the door
and shake the man's hand?

139
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:56,053
What would I tell him? "I'm Charlie,
your wife used to stalk me"?

140
00:07:56,228 --> 00:07:57,852
I might leave that part out.

141
00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,263
Besides,
I'm sure he already knows about you.

142
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,477
- How would he know about me?
- Well, it's possible she told him.

143
00:08:03,652 --> 00:08:07,899
Uh, or perhaps he noticed the tattoo
of your face on her left butt cheek.

144
00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:10,489
I kind of wish she hadn't done that.

145
00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:13,944
After she takes a hot bath, I start
looking like Edward James Olmos.

146
00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:19,834
Just go over, introduce yourself
and welcome him to the neighborhood.

147
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:23,329
I guess you're right. Bring over wine,
a little housewarming gift.

148
00:08:23,505 --> 00:08:24,536
Now you're talking.

149
00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:25,877
[CLATTERING]

150
00:08:26,049 --> 00:08:28,540
JAKE & ELDRIDGE:
Geronimo!

151
00:08:29,386 --> 00:08:31,628
[CRASH]

152
00:08:32,556 --> 00:08:35,094
- Oh, God! Are you all right?
JAKE: Mostly.

153
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,390
Did you remember to get it on video?

154
00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:39,933
ELDRIDGE:
Aw, crap.

155
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,902
[DOORBELL RINGS]

156
00:08:50,532 --> 00:08:52,988
Charlie, what are you doing here?

157
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,733
I thought I'd welcome you guys
to the neighborhood.

158
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:57,572
This is a bad idea. Please go.

159
00:08:57,789 --> 00:08:59,912
I thought we could
get to know each other.

160
00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,625
Listen to me, Charlie.

161
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:04,367
I love my husband.
I'm building a new life with him...

162
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:07,037
and I won't let you ruin it.
- How could I ruin it?

163
00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:10,169
He doesn't know you exist,
and I plan on keeping it that way.

164
00:09:10,344 --> 00:09:12,253
What about the tattoo?

165
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:15,596
I added glasses to it
and told him it was Harry Potter.

166
00:09:18,268 --> 00:09:20,261
Now, please get out of here.

167
00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:24,439
Okay. Fine. I'm sorry.

168
00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:28,610
Just so I'm clear, you and I, we're...

169
00:09:28,779 --> 00:09:30,902
Over. Finished.

170
00:09:32,449 --> 00:09:34,940
Okay. I get it.

171
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:44,284
Told you he'd stop by.

172
00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:51,583
Do you realize how lucky you are?
You could have broken your necks.

173
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,799
We took precautions.

174
00:09:58,225 --> 00:10:00,301
You flew off the roof!

175
00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:04,184
In a shopping cart!

176
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:07,812
What precautions?

177
00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:11,318
We were planning to land
in the ocean.

178
00:10:12,948 --> 00:10:16,815
You missed it by a hundred yards.

179
00:10:17,828 --> 00:10:20,319
It's not an exact science, Dad.

180
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,905
Okay. Let's not dicker over the details.

181
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,114
[LAUGHING]

182
00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:25,835
He said dicker.

183
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:29,161
- I know.
- Okay, okay. I am serious, okay?

184
00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:31,498
This Dumbass thing stops right now.

185
00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:34,427
You're the one who told me
I should follow my dreams.

186
00:10:34,594 --> 00:10:38,509
I meant dreams like doctor or lawyer,
not crash test dummy.

187
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:43,851
Doctor Jacob Harper.
I like the sound of that.

188
00:10:44,021 --> 00:10:47,639
Hey, doc, what's this on my nut sack?
Is it infected?

189
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:54,318
Yes, it seems we'll have to perform
a nut sack-ectomy.

190
00:10:54,531 --> 00:10:57,104
Will you two quit...

191
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:58,992
with the cockamamie babble...

192
00:10:59,161 --> 00:11:01,734
and focus on
what I am trying to tell you?

193
00:11:02,372 --> 00:11:04,661
He said cockamamie.

194
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:08,869
He said focus.

195
00:11:15,385 --> 00:11:17,378
[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]

196
00:11:18,263 --> 00:11:21,217
Oh, what's to become of my son?

197
00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:27,061
Don't worry, Alan.
There'll always be carnivals.

198
00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:30,394
I suppose.

199
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:33,817
So how'd it go with
Mr. And Mrs. Manfred Quinn?

200
00:11:34,071 --> 00:11:36,644
I never met him.
Rose told me to get lost.

201
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:39,486
Wow. That's gotta sting a bit.

202
00:11:39,659 --> 00:11:43,278
Yeah, but I understand. She's happy now
and doesn't want me screwing it up.

203
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:45,873
You still love her, don't you?

204
00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:49,411
I guess I do.

205
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,661
Funny how these things turn out,
isn't it?

206
00:11:52,881 --> 00:11:57,175
I mean, eight, nine years ago,
she was just a crazy one night stand...

207
00:11:57,386 --> 00:11:59,212
who ended up stalking you...

208
00:12:01,098 --> 00:12:03,423
and all you wanted to do
was get rid of her.

209
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,676
But the years go by...

210
00:12:05,894 --> 00:12:08,266
and stalking turns to friendship...

211
00:12:10,607 --> 00:12:12,932
friendship turns to love.

212
00:12:13,777 --> 00:12:15,319
But it's too late.

213
00:12:15,487 --> 00:12:18,441
She marries another man,
and she's lost to you forever.

214
00:12:20,784 --> 00:12:23,275
Boy, that would make
a great movie, wouldn't it?

215
00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:25,612
Yeah, great.

216
00:12:25,789 --> 00:12:27,331
Wanna write it with me?

217
00:12:27,499 --> 00:12:28,993
What? No.

218
00:12:30,127 --> 00:12:32,000
Well, don't go stealing it.

219
00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:36,043
I mean, you know, it's your life,
but it's my idea.

220
00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:39,836
Oh! How's this for a title:

221
00:12:40,053 --> 00:12:42,212
<i>Look Who's Stalking?</i>

222
00:12:45,058 --> 00:12:47,632
<i>Meet the Stalkers.</i>

223
00:12:49,813 --> 00:12:51,687
<i>Avatart.</i>

224
00:12:53,150 --> 00:12:55,189
- Are you done?
- Yeah.

225
00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:58,487
Although I do think it has
real franchise opportunities.

226
00:12:58,655 --> 00:13:00,648
Could be a sitcom.

227
00:13:01,158 --> 00:13:02,568
Maybe not on a major network.

228
00:13:02,743 --> 00:13:06,028
But, you know, TBS, TNT.

229
00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:10,038
<i>I Love Loony.</i>

230
00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:15,756
Where you going?
I was just spitballing here.

231
00:13:21,094 --> 00:13:23,585
I said spitballing.

232
00:13:26,558 --> 00:13:29,179
Oh, God, I wanna die.

233
00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:35,850
[ROMANTIC MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV]

234
00:13:57,839 --> 00:14:01,967
That has gotta be the worst-looking
toupee I've ever seen.

235
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:04,753
What the hell are you doing here?

236
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:07,088
You scared the hell out of me.

237
00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:10,765
Are you crazy? Climbing up on my deck,
snooping around like this?

238
00:14:12,479 --> 00:14:13,724
I need to talk to you.

239
00:14:13,897 --> 00:14:16,933
Well, I can't talk to you.
Manny is right inside.

240
00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:18,852
- I love you.
- It's a little late for that.

241
00:14:19,027 --> 00:14:21,601
Sorry. I realize now, Rose,
I can't live without you.

242
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:24,188
It doesn't matter what you realize.
I'm married.

243
00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:25,908
Oh, please, Rose.

244
00:14:26,076 --> 00:14:28,649
Charlie, why are you doing this to me?
It's so unfair.

245
00:14:28,829 --> 00:14:30,702
I'm begging you. Just talk to me.

246
00:14:31,081 --> 00:14:32,409
[SIGHS]

247
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:37,294
All right. Manny has to go back
into the office to do some work.

248
00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:39,585
- Come back in an hour.
- Thank you.

249
00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:41,001
- Just to talk.
- Of course.

250
00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:43,962
And can you bring me some
Butter Brickle ice cream?

251
00:14:44,136 --> 00:14:46,294
- What?
- And marshmallow fluff and sprinkles.

252
00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:48,428
- Whatever you need.
- Chocolate sprinkles.

253
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:50,223
- Not the multicolored kind.
- Fine.

254
00:14:50,392 --> 00:14:52,183
I don't know
why they even make those.

255
00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:54,475
- Okay. I'll see you later.
- Okay.

256
00:14:55,105 --> 00:14:56,268
[CHARLIE GRUNTING]

257
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,563
Son of a bitch. How do you do that?

258
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:01,438
Don't lock your knees.

259
00:15:07,743 --> 00:15:11,657
Good news, Manny.
We're getting ice cream.

260
00:15:18,587 --> 00:15:20,046
Ready for some more beans?

261
00:15:20,213 --> 00:15:22,171
Bring it on.

262
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:27,334
So I'm thinking we call this stunt
Fart Rocket.

263
00:15:27,929 --> 00:15:31,180
No, I think we need to go
with something more intellectual.

264
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:34,719
How about
The Dumbass Assblaster?

265
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:40,680
No, you can't use two asses in a row,
it's redumbnant.

266
00:15:41,651 --> 00:15:43,359
Hey.

267
00:15:43,528 --> 00:15:44,939
What's going on?

268
00:15:45,113 --> 00:15:47,485
I'm just making Eldridge
something to eat.

269
00:15:47,657 --> 00:15:49,152
Really.

270
00:15:49,743 --> 00:15:52,068
Yes, I was peckerish.

271
00:15:54,873 --> 00:15:56,782
You mean peckish.

272
00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:59,701
Fine, if you wanna dicker.

273
00:16:00,962 --> 00:16:03,251
Good one, dude.

274
00:16:08,011 --> 00:16:10,419
- Hey.
- What's in the bag?

275
00:16:10,639 --> 00:16:12,382
Butter Brickle ice cream...

276
00:16:12,557 --> 00:16:14,930
with marshmallow fluff
and chocolate sprinkles.

277
00:16:15,102 --> 00:16:16,264
Oh, Charlie, no.

278
00:16:17,145 --> 00:16:20,146
- What?
- [AS CHARLIE] "What?"

279
00:16:20,315 --> 00:16:21,940
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Only one person puts...

280
00:16:22,109 --> 00:16:24,896
chocolate sprinkles and marshmallow
fluff on Butter Brickle.

281
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:27,857
Congratulations, Sherlock.
You cracked the case.

282
00:16:28,448 --> 00:16:31,615
- She is a married woman, Charlie.
- I can't help it. I love her.

283
00:16:31,785 --> 00:16:34,988
You didn't start loving her until
you found out you couldn't have her.

284
00:16:35,163 --> 00:16:38,579
So? That doesn't make it not love.

285
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:40,542
But what if her husband catches you?

286
00:16:40,711 --> 00:16:42,288
Then he shoots me,
and you can have my house.

287
00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:44,834
Go to her, Charlie. She's waiting.

288
00:16:51,972 --> 00:16:54,641
CHARLIE:
Ow! Son of a bitch!

289
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:56,934
[FLATULENCE NEARBY]

290
00:16:57,894 --> 00:17:01,643
JAKE:
Dude, don't waste it. Squeeze it in.

291
00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:17,326
Not as easy as it looks, is it?

292
00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:18,826
No.

293
00:17:19,499 --> 00:17:22,037
- Is your husband gone?
- He just left. We're alone.

294
00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:24,915
- Oh, great.
- Wait. We agreed, just talking.

295
00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:27,875
Yeah. Right, right, right.
Just talking. Let's talk.

296
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:30,256
You know what Manny said to me
before he left?

297
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:34,048
Um, "It's okay to have
an affair with Charlie...

298
00:17:34,222 --> 00:17:36,927
because he's a swell guy
and I'm secretly gay"?

299
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:42,771
No. He said in the whole world,
I'm the only one who can move him.

300
00:17:44,524 --> 00:17:45,900
Like I said, gay.

301
00:17:47,235 --> 00:17:49,358
How can I betray a man like that?

302
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:50,940
I can think of several ways.

303
00:17:51,114 --> 00:17:53,901
You on top, you on bottom,
everybody facing the TV.

304
00:17:54,076 --> 00:17:55,404
Charlie.

305
00:17:55,577 --> 00:17:58,282
Who moves you, Rose? Him or me?

306
00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:01,539
I don't know, I'm confused.
I love Manny.

307
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:04,080
You and I are soul mates.
Like Romeo and Juliet.

308
00:18:04,252 --> 00:18:06,541
Really? Did Romeo ever
chew through the ropes...

309
00:18:06,713 --> 00:18:08,872
holding him to a radiator
in a motel...

310
00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:12,548
when Juliet was just trying to give him
a birthday surprise?

311
00:18:12,719 --> 00:18:15,044
Birthday surprise?
You were gonna brand me.

312
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:17,594
Branding is the new piercing, Charlie.

313
00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:21,428
Fine. Pierce me. Brand me.
Do anything you want.

314
00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:23,394
- Anything?
- It's just an expression.

315
00:18:25,649 --> 00:18:29,693
- Gimme another chance, Rose.
- No. It's wrong.

316
00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:32,566
Fine. You just say the word
and I'll go.

317
00:18:35,117 --> 00:18:36,908
Time's up.

318
00:18:38,787 --> 00:18:41,788
- I love you.
- I love you too.

319
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:44,866
- You know what this means don't you?
- I think so.

320
00:18:45,544 --> 00:18:47,702
You're going to have to kill Manny.

321
00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:51,208
- What?
- Kidding.

322
00:18:51,383 --> 00:18:53,708
Just wanted to see how far you'd go.

323
00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:01,600
- Can I tell you something, Rose?
- Anything.

324
00:19:02,185 --> 00:19:06,017
I've never felt happier and more at peace
than I do at this very moment.

325
00:19:06,773 --> 00:19:09,347
Who's being a little gay now?

326
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:18,988
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

327
00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:26,497
It's a text from Manny.
He's on his way home. You have to go.

328
00:19:28,337 --> 00:19:29,499
When can I see you again?

329
00:19:29,671 --> 00:19:32,245
- You can't. This was a mistake.
- How can you say that?

330
00:19:32,424 --> 00:19:34,298
Charlie, I love my husband.

331
00:19:34,468 --> 00:19:36,460
Forget Manny. Run away with me.

332
00:19:36,636 --> 00:19:38,594
- You don't mean that.
- I do.

333
00:19:38,764 --> 00:19:39,795
Come on, Charlie.

334
00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:42,547
If you had me,
you'd be tired of me within a year.

335
00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:45,181
Then you can go back to Manny.
Everybody wins.

336
00:19:47,481 --> 00:19:48,643
Go.

337
00:19:51,109 --> 00:19:52,936
I love you.

338
00:19:59,034 --> 00:20:02,284
Oh, aren't you the naughty boy
who likes to watch.

339
00:20:08,168 --> 00:20:11,418
ELDRIDGE: Hurry up. I'm about to blow.
- Hang on.

340
00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:15,630
Hi, I'm Jake Harper.

341
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:19,300
You're about to witness
a little something we like to call...

342
00:20:20,055 --> 00:20:22,427
Fumes of Fury.

343
00:20:22,599 --> 00:20:23,797
Let's do this thing.

344
00:20:23,975 --> 00:20:26,763
Remember, if for some reason
you don't reach the ocean...

345
00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:28,976
just tuck and roll.
- Okay. Hurry up.

346
00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,723
All right. Let her rip.

347
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,893
[FLATULENCE]

348
00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:40,481
Dumbasses.

349
00:20:43,495 --> 00:20:44,989
Can't believe nothing happened.

350
00:20:45,163 --> 00:20:48,698
I wouldn't say that.
I think I crapped my pants.

351
00:21:19,364 --> 00:21:21,440
[English - US - SDH]