1
00:00:01,446 --> 00:00:03,492
Previously
on Two and a Half Men...
2
00:00:03,717 --> 00:00:07,052
Zoey, will you do me
the honor of becoming
3
00:00:07,909 --> 00:00:12,078
Zoey Hyde
Tottingham-Pierce-Schmidt?
4
00:00:13,155 --> 00:00:15,775
No. I'm sorry.
I can't do it.
5
00:00:15,812 --> 00:00:18,046
♪ She can... ♪
6
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,631
I need an answer.
7
00:00:20,714 --> 00:00:22,715
There's someone else.
8
00:00:28,181 --> 00:00:30,010
I like that red dress
on you.
9
00:00:30,038 --> 00:00:31,682
I feel like a bull.
10
00:00:31,715 --> 00:00:34,115
I want to charge.
11
00:00:34,406 --> 00:00:37,639
Speaking of charging, did you
bring your wallet this time?
12
00:00:37,917 --> 00:00:40,538
The last two times
were honest mistakes.
13
00:00:41,457 --> 00:00:43,927
And I fully intend
to pay you back.
14
00:00:46,256 --> 00:00:49,312
Oh, that's just great, Justin.
15
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,274
If your mom says it's bath time,
16
00:00:51,286 --> 00:00:53,587
by all means take a bath.
17
00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:55,540
Meanwhile the free world
18
00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:58,637
is falling into the hands
of cyber-terrorists.
19
00:00:59,958 --> 00:01:01,182
You okay?
20
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,523
(sighing):
Yeah.
21
00:01:02,546 --> 00:01:04,121
My sniper's got to get ready
22
00:01:04,156 --> 00:01:06,830
for Sixth Grade
Picture Day tomorrow.
23
00:01:08,756 --> 00:01:10,206
Oh, you guys look nice.
24
00:01:10,216 --> 00:01:11,858
Oh, thanks.
We're going out to dinner.
25
00:01:11,884 --> 00:01:12,883
Want to join us?
26
00:01:12,885 --> 00:01:15,298
No, I got a burrito
in the microwave.
27
00:01:15,316 --> 00:01:16,897
Okay, enjoy.
28
00:01:16,932 --> 00:01:18,831
Oh, you did take
the foil off of the, uh...
29
00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:21,127
(sizzling, popping)
30
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,843
I'll get my coat.
31
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Isn't that your wallet?
32
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:32,281
Oh, uh,
33
00:01:32,314 --> 00:01:33,446
yes, that's, uh, uh,
34
00:01:33,466 --> 00:01:35,906
I-I-I-I put it there
so I wouldn't forget it.
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00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:41,078
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
36
00:01:41,146 --> 00:01:44,348
♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
37
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,572
♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
38
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:49,743
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪
39
00:01:49,787 --> 00:01:52,287
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
40
00:01:52,316 --> 00:01:55,687
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
41
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,387
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
42
00:01:59,841 --> 00:02:03,254
♪ Two and a Half Men 10x05 ♪
That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
Original Air Date on October 25, 2012
43
00:02:03,392 --> 00:02:07,392
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for WEB-DL by ryangiggsth
44
00:02:08,076 --> 00:02:09,885
I'm really glad
we did this.
45
00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,311
I've been playing
with kids I met
46
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,031
on the Internet
for too long.
47
00:02:14,424 --> 00:02:18,161
Now that I say that out loud,
I'm really glad we did this.
48
00:02:18,757 --> 00:02:19,696
Mm!
49
00:02:19,713 --> 00:02:21,511
I'll get this.
50
00:02:24,799 --> 00:02:26,634
I'll get it.
51
00:02:28,455 --> 00:02:31,417
Oh, okay, I guess
I'm really gonna get this.
52
00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:33,143
Thanks, Al.
53
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:35,299
(sniffling):
Oh, it's my pleasure.
54
00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:36,628
Are you crying?
55
00:02:36,649 --> 00:02:37,748
What? No, no.
56
00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:39,711
I have, uh, I have allergies.
57
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,674
It's probably the dust
from opening his wallet.
58
00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:47,008
Damn it.
59
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:47,945
What?
60
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,549
It's Zoey
61
00:02:49,565 --> 00:02:51,489
and her new boyfriend.
62
00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,079
I am so sorry.
63
00:02:53,099 --> 00:02:55,962
This is tough
after what she did to you.
64
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,470
Come on,
let's just get this over with.
65
00:03:00,578 --> 00:03:02,112
He didn't deserve it.
66
00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:03,392
He gave her everything.
67
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,660
He actually
has things to give.
68
00:03:06,893 --> 00:03:08,776
Hi, Zoey.
69
00:03:10,460 --> 00:03:12,647
Walden, Hi.
70
00:03:13,003 --> 00:03:14,659
- Lyndsey.
- Hi.
71
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,045
- Alan.
- Pfft!
72
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,513
Um, this is my friend, Peter.
73
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,256
(in British accent):
Peter.
74
00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:24,727
Hi. Nice to meet you.
75
00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:25,737
Cheers, mate.
76
00:03:25,754 --> 00:03:28,230
"Cheers, mate.
We hosted the Olympics."
77
00:03:29,902 --> 00:03:31,703
This is a bit awkward.
78
00:03:31,705 --> 00:03:32,971
Why is this awkward?
79
00:03:32,973 --> 00:03:35,006
Oh, yes, that's right,
I remember.
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00:03:35,008 --> 00:03:36,875
Because you ruined
my best friend's life.
81
00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:38,451
I'm-I'm sorry.
Nice to meet you.
82
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,535
What you did to him was
wanton and reprehensible.
83
00:03:40,565 --> 00:03:43,067
- All right, keep moving.
- Jezebel!
84
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:45,761
If it makes you feel any better,
85
00:03:45,781 --> 00:03:47,873
he didn't like you before.
86
00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:53,742
How you doing?
You okay?
87
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:55,931
Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I mean,
my heart's racing but, you know...
88
00:03:55,943 --> 00:03:58,074
I was talking to Walden.
89
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,154
Yeah, I guess.
90
00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:03,237
I mean, I thought seeing her
with somebody else
91
00:04:03,271 --> 00:04:05,705
would be the end of the world, but
92
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,049
I'm really okay with it.
93
00:04:08,076 --> 00:04:09,743
You're a better man than I am.
94
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,770
We all know that, Alan.
95
00:04:12,799 --> 00:04:14,336
Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is
96
00:04:14,349 --> 00:04:16,073
it wasn't as bad
as I thought it would be.
97
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,570
I mean, clearly Alan has
some unresolved issues,
98
00:04:19,053 --> 00:04:21,289
but I think I'm ready
to move on.
99
00:04:21,316 --> 00:04:22,949
I can definitely help you there.
100
00:04:22,979 --> 00:04:25,035
Uh, where you going
with this, sweetie?
101
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:27,695
I have a ton of friends who
would die to go out with you.
102
00:04:27,697 --> 00:04:28,930
Really?
Oh, yeah.
103
00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:30,198
That's true.
104
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,405
She has some of the hottest
friends you can imagine.
105
00:04:34,505 --> 00:04:36,537
Uh, that you can imagine,
106
00:04:36,539 --> 00:04:37,999
not that I would.
107
00:04:38,023 --> 00:04:39,516
I mean, why would I?
108
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:41,648
You're the hottest of
them all, you know?
109
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,278
(imitates sizzling)
110
00:04:46,483 --> 00:04:48,110
So what's your type?
111
00:04:48,138 --> 00:04:50,483
I don't know if I have a type.
I mean, I like brunettes,
112
00:04:50,511 --> 00:04:52,198
but well, I married a redhead
113
00:04:52,223 --> 00:04:53,319
and I've dated some blondes.
114
00:04:53,341 --> 00:04:56,519
So I guess what I'm saying is
I'm pro-hair.
115
00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:59,958
Well, in the upper deck not
necessarily around the dugout.
116
00:05:00,138 --> 00:05:01,370
Ah, interesting.
117
00:05:01,381 --> 00:05:03,466
If you're gonna go with
a baseball reference,
118
00:05:03,493 --> 00:05:06,308
I would've gone
with "on the mound." Um...
119
00:05:06,979 --> 00:05:09,882
They all have hair
in the appropriate places.
120
00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:11,484
What else?
121
00:05:11,514 --> 00:05:14,656
I don't know.
I like a girl who's smart,
122
00:05:14,702 --> 00:05:16,430
I like a girl who's funny,
123
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,984
I like a girl who's not gonna
leave me for another guy.
124
00:05:20,510 --> 00:05:22,376
Oh, oh, and no one who wears
125
00:05:22,396 --> 00:05:24,662
those big furry boots
with shorts or mini-skirts.
126
00:05:24,685 --> 00:05:27,341
You're either hot or you're cold.
Take a stand, ladies.
127
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,703
I'll take care of it.
128
00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:31,340
So, Walden,
as I told you,
129
00:05:31,361 --> 00:05:33,305
Jennifer is
my Pilates instructor.
130
00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:35,165
Yeah, Pilates.
131
00:05:37,573 --> 00:05:40,553
Well, you're certainly whipping
Lyndsey into shape.
132
00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:42,947
Not that you need it.
133
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:45,677
Not that I was looking.
134
00:05:46,771 --> 00:05:48,742
Not that you're listening.
135
00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:52,254
Oh, can I take a picture of you?
136
00:05:52,372 --> 00:05:53,694
Okay.
137
00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:55,640
Uploading photo to wall.
138
00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:57,564
"Check out my hot date."
139
00:05:57,588 --> 00:05:59,121
Smiley face.
140
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:01,089
LOL, right? (giggles)
141
00:06:06,096 --> 00:06:08,064
So, Pilates,
142
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:11,106
that's all about strengthening
the core, right?
143
00:06:12,476 --> 00:06:13,837
Hm?
144
00:06:15,112 --> 00:06:19,042
OMG. Cat in a bow tie riding
a skateboard.
145
00:06:19,376 --> 00:06:21,437
Retweeting.
146
00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:24,498
Guy in a bow tie right here.
147
00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:27,510
Oh, good news, one person
already likes our date.
148
00:06:27,975 --> 00:06:29,888
Unfriend.
149
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:33,543
So what looks good to you?
150
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:35,860
Actually, I'm
not going to eat.
151
00:06:37,235 --> 00:06:38,302
Nothing?
152
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:40,204
No, I'm doing a
master cleanse.
153
00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:43,257
So I haven't eaten
solid food in two weeks.
154
00:06:43,631 --> 00:06:45,671
Dawn, you might have
mentioned that
155
00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:47,490
when I told you
we were all going out to dinner.
156
00:06:47,514 --> 00:06:49,580
No, it's no problem;
you guys eat.
157
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,976
This stuff just
flushes you right out.
158
00:06:53,817 --> 00:06:55,351
Well, I guess it's worth it
159
00:06:55,377 --> 00:06:57,927
if it rids the body of all
those toxins and impurities.
160
00:06:57,948 --> 00:07:00,949
Right, and the stuff
that comes out of you.
161
00:07:01,085 --> 00:07:03,152
I swear I found a Barbie head
162
00:07:03,154 --> 00:07:05,754
that I swallowed
in the fifth grade.
163
00:07:05,756 --> 00:07:08,058
Good thing you didn't swallow
her Malibu beach house.
164
00:07:08,074 --> 00:07:10,025
(chuckles)
Ouch.
165
00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:12,868
Well, whatever you're doing,
it's working.
166
00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:15,294
- You look great.
- Thank you.
167
00:07:15,299 --> 00:07:16,659
I also inject myself
168
00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,734
with the urine
of pregnant women.
169
00:07:20,448 --> 00:07:23,417
Yeah, I don't think
I'm gonna eat either.
170
00:07:23,608 --> 00:07:26,443
It's got a hormone in it
that helps you lose weight.
171
00:07:26,495 --> 00:07:30,197
Which is ironic because pregnant
women pack on the pounds.
172
00:07:30,432 --> 00:07:32,699
I will never be fat.
173
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,054
Or married.
174
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:42,173
I can't believe you created
and sold your own company.
175
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:44,916
You must be incredibly smart.
176
00:07:45,208 --> 00:07:47,832
I don't know, I think it's
more luck and timing.
177
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:50,490
I think it takes a little bit
more than luck and timing
178
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,784
to make $1.4 billion.
179
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,688
Somebody did their research.
180
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,079
I'll bet women
are after you all the time.
181
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,845
I mean, you could look like him
and they'd still be after you.
182
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,596
You know what these women
are thinking, don't you?
183
00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:08,956
"I mean, is this guy gonna ask
for a pre-nup?"
184
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,495
'Cause theoretically,
your alimony payments would run 75,
185
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,359
$100,000 a month at least.
186
00:08:13,374 --> 00:08:15,374
And that's
without child support.
187
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,994
You're good at math.
188
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,830
You know, I never thought
I wanted kids,
189
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:21,257
but with the right person,
190
00:08:21,278 --> 00:08:24,070
I could see myself having
an entire litter.
191
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:28,597
And I could see myself
having a vasectomy.
192
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,976
(sobbing)
193
00:08:38,487 --> 00:08:41,523
When she's on her meds,
she's actually lots of fun.
194
00:08:42,045 --> 00:08:43,921
I am.
195
00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:50,296
Hey.
196
00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:51,066
Hey.
197
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,570
Just got off the phone
with Lyndsey.
198
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:54,776
She's got another friend.
She says this one's perfect.
199
00:08:54,808 --> 00:08:57,141
No, no more women, Alan.
200
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:59,870
Wait, they were all women,
right?
201
00:09:01,055 --> 00:09:03,495
In the eyes of the law, yes.
202
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:06,498
The Olympics, eh.
203
00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:09,227
Look, I know some
of the dates didn't work out.
204
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:10,600
Didn't work out?
205
00:09:10,628 --> 00:09:13,082
One of them
used her roast chicken
206
00:09:13,084 --> 00:09:15,818
to show me where
she was probed by aliens.
207
00:09:16,397 --> 00:09:18,024
Uh, but you have to admit
208
00:09:18,036 --> 00:09:20,236
the chicken
was out of this world.
209
00:09:24,977 --> 00:09:27,011
You do know Lyndsey and I
are just trying to help.
210
00:09:27,031 --> 00:09:29,825
Yeah, I do, and I appreciate it.
But I think I was wrong.
211
00:09:29,852 --> 00:09:31,889
I just don't think I'm ready
to date right now.
212
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,282
So you're giving up?
213
00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,548
No, I'm not giving up.
I just..
214
00:09:35,579 --> 00:09:37,423
I want to change
my pattern, you know?
215
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:40,242
My whole life I've jumped
from one woman to the next.
216
00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:42,098
I thought that was just
because every time you jumped,
217
00:09:42,113 --> 00:09:44,310
another woman slid in under you.
218
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,942
Well, there's that.
219
00:09:45,964 --> 00:09:47,529
But let's face it, Alan,
220
00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:49,239
I went straight
from my mother's house
221
00:09:49,247 --> 00:09:50,378
to being married to Bridget;
222
00:09:50,396 --> 00:09:52,229
from Bridget to dating Zoey,
223
00:09:52,253 --> 00:09:53,653
and now I'm trying
to go from Zoey
224
00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:57,851
to a bunch of starving, crying,
gold-digging, crazy-ass bitches.
225
00:10:00,928 --> 00:10:02,583
Hey, if it weren't
for those women,
226
00:10:02,598 --> 00:10:04,197
I'd still be a virgin.
227
00:10:04,578 --> 00:10:06,600
And there'd be
no reality TV stars.
228
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,435
Look, I'm just gonna
be alone for a while.
229
00:10:14,472 --> 00:10:17,090
And if the real thing
comes along, I'll know it.
230
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,155
Hm, that's true.
231
00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:20,084
You know, I can still remember
the exact instant
232
00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:22,167
that I knew Lyndsey
was the one.
233
00:10:22,843 --> 00:10:23,806
How'd you know?
234
00:10:23,819 --> 00:10:25,239
Uh, she said, "I give up.
235
00:10:25,254 --> 00:10:26,793
You're the one."
236
00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:31,683
Hey, Walden.
237
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:32,168
Hey.
238
00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:33,683
You here by yourself?
239
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,385
Yes, I'm alone.
240
00:10:35,413 --> 00:10:37,162
and I plan to stay that way.
241
00:10:37,193 --> 00:10:39,467
Oh, well,
if you change your mind,
242
00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:42,484
there's a bachelorette party
in the corner with a couple of
243
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,977
drunk and bitter
bridesmaids.
244
00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:47,486
Fish in a barrel.
245
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,942
That's good to know,
but not tonight.
246
00:10:49,968 --> 00:10:52,078
All right.
What can I get you?
247
00:10:52,102 --> 00:10:53,198
I'll have a beer.
248
00:10:53,215 --> 00:10:54,449
Coming up.
249
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,902
WOMAN:
Excuse me.
250
00:10:57,871 --> 00:10:59,996
Can I have your nuts?
251
00:11:01,569 --> 00:11:02,702
What?
252
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,667
Your nuts.
253
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,345
Thank you.
254
00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:15,634
- I'm Rose.
- Hi, Rose. I'm...
255
00:11:15,661 --> 00:11:17,394
Walden, I know.
256
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,503
I heard the bartender
say "Hey, Walden."
257
00:11:19,521 --> 00:11:22,288
I mean, how else would
I know your name?
258
00:11:24,498 --> 00:11:26,110
It's nice to meet you, Rose.
259
00:11:26,128 --> 00:11:27,947
You too, Walden.
260
00:11:30,184 --> 00:11:32,307
I prefer real books.
261
00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:36,331
- Some people do.
- You know why I do?
262
00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:39,070
Because if you use this
to fix a wobbly table
263
00:11:39,096 --> 00:11:40,964
it costs you $800?
264
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:43,698
No, you can't hide
a gun in an iPad.
265
00:11:45,769 --> 00:11:48,402
No, I guess you can't.
266
00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:50,545
Sorry.
I'll leave you alone.
267
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,079
Thanks.
268
00:11:54,904 --> 00:11:56,404
(choking)
269
00:11:58,070 --> 00:12:00,260
Oh, my God, are you okay?
270
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,807
(rasping):
Nut. I can't breathe.
271
00:12:01,829 --> 00:12:03,524
Okay, don't panic.
272
00:12:03,582 --> 00:12:05,211
(coughs)
273
00:12:06,805 --> 00:12:08,339
Oh.
274
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,625
Thank you.
You saved my life.
275
00:12:10,779 --> 00:12:12,815
Can we get a glass of water
over here?
276
00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:15,024
And I'll have a martini.
277
00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:20,077
All right, I'm getting
ready to leave.
278
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,798
Do you need anything
before I go?
279
00:12:21,814 --> 00:12:23,434
Mm, actually,
if you don't mind...
280
00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:26,047
Just making small talk, Zippy.
281
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,306
Hey.
282
00:12:28,355 --> 00:12:29,722
Hey, how was your night?
283
00:12:29,758 --> 00:12:30,709
Great.
284
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,226
In fact, I met a girl.
285
00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:34,481
Of course you did.
286
00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:36,831
I hate you, but I hate me more.
287
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:39,297
This girl's
really interesting.
288
00:12:39,312 --> 00:12:42,024
Actually, I think you know her.
Her name is Rose.
289
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:43,980
See ya.
290
00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:47,140
Wa-- Rose?
291
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,374
Crazy Rose?
292
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,542
She's not crazy.
293
00:12:49,544 --> 00:12:51,177
And you know what?
Name-calling is cruel.
294
00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:53,546
How would you like it if
somebody called you Old Alan,
295
00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:55,477
or Cheap Alan, or Loser Alan?
296
00:12:55,492 --> 00:12:57,512
BERTA:
Somebody does!
297
00:12:57,957 --> 00:12:59,053
(door closes)
298
00:12:59,076 --> 00:13:01,205
Did Rose tell you
she was stalking my brother?
299
00:13:01,217 --> 00:13:02,853
Actually,
she told me everything.
300
00:13:02,874 --> 00:13:05,266
You know, she was in love
with him, and I get it,
301
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,097
When you're in love with someone,
love makes you do crazy things.
302
00:13:08,129 --> 00:13:10,929
No, crazy makes you
do crazy things.
303
00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:12,734
We all have skeletons
in our closets.
304
00:13:12,756 --> 00:13:15,541
Uh, yes, but in her case,
they may be actual skeletons.
305
00:13:16,449 --> 00:13:18,716
You know what? She told me
you were gonna do this.
306
00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:20,083
Of course she did.
307
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,649
She's devious and deceptive.
308
00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:23,747
She's probably listening
to us right now.
309
00:13:23,764 --> 00:13:26,216
Hey, Rose!
How you doing?
310
00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:29,356
Alan, calm down.
311
00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:31,402
I had a conversation
with the woman.
312
00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:32,537
I'm not marrying her.
313
00:13:32,553 --> 00:13:34,356
I don't even know
if I'll ever see her again.
314
00:13:34,374 --> 00:13:36,713
Oh, you will, trust me.
315
00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:39,050
Her face will be
the last thing you see
316
00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:41,667
before you black out
from the chloroform.
317
00:13:48,396 --> 00:13:49,771
Rose?
318
00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,099
Oh, Walden, Hi.
319
00:13:52,226 --> 00:13:53,331
Hi.
320
00:13:53,526 --> 00:13:56,228
Wait a minute.
You're not stalking me, are you?
321
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:58,982
Good one. No, I stop here every day
on my way to work.
322
00:13:59,011 --> 00:14:00,343
It's kind of a ritual.
323
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,479
Really?
324
00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:04,129
There is no way
I would ever have known that.
325
00:14:04,995 --> 00:14:06,210
Do you mind if I join you?
326
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,255
Please.
How can I say no to the man
327
00:14:08,257 --> 00:14:10,689
who saved me
from choking on his nuts?
328
00:14:17,048 --> 00:14:19,626
I told Alan that we met.
Boy, did you call that one.
329
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,131
Oh, let me guess.
330
00:14:21,146 --> 00:14:22,346
At some point did he say,
331
00:14:22,353 --> 00:14:24,384
"She's probably listening
to us right now.
332
00:14:24,401 --> 00:14:26,722
"Hey, Rose!
How you doing?"
333
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:29,916
It's like you were there.
334
00:14:29,944 --> 00:14:31,880
But I wasn't.
335
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:34,645
Well, he is very
suspicious of you.
336
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:36,954
He thinks you have
some kind of plan.
337
00:14:36,985 --> 00:14:38,974
Are you suspicious of me?
338
00:14:38,997 --> 00:14:41,264
I'm more curious
than suspicious.
339
00:14:41,323 --> 00:14:44,351
Good, because that's my plan.
340
00:14:44,826 --> 00:14:48,060
Does your plan include
having dinner with me?
341
00:14:49,339 --> 00:14:51,298
Oh, gee,
342
00:14:51,363 --> 00:14:53,892
I don't know about that.
Why not?
343
00:14:53,924 --> 00:14:55,803
You live in Charlie's old house,
344
00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:58,294
there's Alan...
lots of baggage.
345
00:14:58,333 --> 00:15:00,902
None of that stuff
has anything to do with us.
346
00:15:01,138 --> 00:15:02,592
That's true.
347
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,844
So, what do you say? Dinner?
348
00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:07,729
Okay.
349
00:15:07,755 --> 00:15:09,451
To dinner.
350
00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:10,536
It'll be nice to go out
351
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,872
with someone normal
for a change.
352
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:18,147
(doorbell rings)
353
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,269
Hello, Alan.
354
00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:24,848
Rose.
355
00:15:24,904 --> 00:15:27,080
You've got a lot of nerve
coming to this house.
356
00:15:27,117 --> 00:15:29,637
As much nerve as you have
still living in it?
357
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,248
Touché.
358
00:15:32,402 --> 00:15:35,077
Wow, This place looks fantastic.
359
00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:38,328
Don't act like
you haven't seen it before.
360
00:15:38,359 --> 00:15:39,726
I know what you're up to.
361
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:41,773
Oh, really? What am I up to?
362
00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:44,488
All right, I don't know
specifically what you're up to.
363
00:15:44,592 --> 00:15:47,130
But Walden is my best friend,
and I will not let you hurt him.
364
00:15:47,165 --> 00:15:49,151
And he's very lucky
to have a friend like you,
365
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:50,604
given what he's been through.
366
00:15:50,619 --> 00:15:52,891
Which you know because
you've been spying on us.
367
00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,750
J'accuse!
368
00:15:56,428 --> 00:15:57,457
No.
369
00:15:57,474 --> 00:15:59,574
I know because he told me.
370
00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:01,263
He's very fond of you, Alan.
371
00:16:01,288 --> 00:16:04,089
You finally made a friend;
don't screw it up.
372
00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:06,449
Oh, you're good.
373
00:16:07,538 --> 00:16:10,240
I'm totally confused right now.
374
00:16:10,494 --> 00:16:12,348
Ah, there she is.
375
00:16:12,381 --> 00:16:13,714
Hi, Walden.
376
00:16:13,742 --> 00:16:15,298
Are you two playing nice?
377
00:16:15,327 --> 00:16:16,960
Well, I am.
I don't know what she's up to,
378
00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:18,402
but I know it ends with
the audience yelling,
379
00:16:18,421 --> 00:16:20,287
"Don't go in the cellar!"
380
00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:21,853
You're funny.
381
00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:23,995
He thinks I've hatched
some nefarious plot.
382
00:16:24,011 --> 00:16:25,332
Are you after my money?
383
00:16:25,346 --> 00:16:27,508
No, you're
thinking of Alan.
384
00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:32,917
Are you planning on cloning me
385
00:16:32,938 --> 00:16:34,718
and running my
doppelganger for president,
386
00:16:34,745 --> 00:16:36,934
so you can be the puppet
master of the nation?
387
00:16:36,975 --> 00:16:38,303
Guilty.
388
00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:40,361
Better get a sample
right now.
389
00:16:41,423 --> 00:16:43,891
I get it-- hair, DNA,
the whole...
390
00:16:45,358 --> 00:16:47,256
Just stop worrying.
391
00:16:47,288 --> 00:16:49,092
Don't you have somewhere
you need to be?
392
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,411
Well, as a matter of fact,
Lyndsey and I are going to the movies.
393
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:54,073
- Have a good time.
- Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
394
00:16:55,871 --> 00:16:57,956
Watch yourself, buddy.
395
00:16:59,716 --> 00:17:01,552
- He means well.
- I know.
396
00:17:01,592 --> 00:17:03,161
Can I pour you a
glass of wine?
397
00:17:03,181 --> 00:17:05,323
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- All right.
398
00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:07,233
Aha!
399
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,890
Actually, I just forgot my keys.
400
00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,474
And your wallet.
401
00:17:22,212 --> 00:17:25,648
(groans) I shouldn't have eaten
that whole tub of popcorn.
402
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,824
I'm gonna be
gassy all night.
403
00:17:28,406 --> 00:17:31,103
You know it's gonna take more
than a bloated belly
404
00:17:31,132 --> 00:17:33,934
- to put a muzzle on Mr. Pokey.
- (chuckles)
405
00:17:33,974 --> 00:17:36,373
(bang)
What was that?
406
00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:39,397
I don't know, but I've got
a bad feeling about this.
407
00:17:41,149 --> 00:17:43,436
I've got a bad feeling
about this.
408
00:17:44,465 --> 00:17:46,562
(farts loudly)
409
00:17:47,996 --> 00:17:49,081
Walden?
410
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:50,446
(muffled talking)
411
00:17:50,465 --> 00:17:51,497
What?
412
00:17:51,519 --> 00:17:52,834
(muffled talking)
413
00:17:52,852 --> 00:17:54,804
I'm coming in.
414
00:17:57,408 --> 00:17:58,775
(muffled)
415
00:17:59,604 --> 00:18:01,027
Don't worry, buddy.
416
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:02,995
I told you she was nuts.
417
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:04,524
Get out of here!
418
00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:05,889
- What?
- Get out of here.
419
00:18:05,902 --> 00:18:08,102
I'm having the best sex
of my life.
420
00:18:09,853 --> 00:18:11,836
Oh, hi, Alan.
421
00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:13,826
How was the movie?
422
00:18:13,851 --> 00:18:16,570
It was... Wait, is
that a leaf blower?
423
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,601
That's not what they call it
in Amsterdam.
424
00:18:19,993 --> 00:18:21,561
(motor starts)
425
00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:36,172
(computer chirps)
426
00:18:40,222 --> 00:18:42,062
Oh.
427
00:18:44,058 --> 00:18:45,860
Hi, Jake.
428
00:18:45,890 --> 00:18:48,017
Rose?!
What are you doing there?
429
00:18:48,066 --> 00:18:50,285
I'm dating Walden.
430
00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:53,280
I should've seen that coming.
431
00:18:53,313 --> 00:18:54,918
How's the army treating you?
432
00:18:54,929 --> 00:18:56,505
How'd you know I was
in the army?
433
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,291
'Cause I've been spying
on you guys.
434
00:18:58,299 --> 00:18:59,302
What?!
435
00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:02,330
I'm just kidding.
You're wearing a uniform, silly.
436
00:19:02,455 --> 00:19:04,648
Oh, yeah, right.
437
00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:06,709
And don't worry
about the obstacle course.
438
00:19:06,719 --> 00:19:07,818
You'll get it.
439
00:19:07,829 --> 00:19:10,997
Yeah, the rope climb is...
Hey, wait a second, how did you...?
440
00:19:11,028 --> 00:19:13,464
Got to go, Jake.
I'll tell your dad you called.
441
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:19,441
How did I know
he was in the army? So cute.
442
00:19:22,222 --> 00:19:26,222
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for WEB-DL by ryangiggsth