1
00:00:04,015 --> 00:00:06,983
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
(moaning): Oh... oh, my God.
2
00:00:06,985 --> 00:00:09,819
Oh... Oh, my God, Jenny!
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:11,220
Yeah. Oh...
Oh, my God.
4
00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:13,823
Oh, my God.
5
00:00:13,825 --> 00:00:16,059
Oh, Jenny!
Give it to me.
6
00:00:16,061 --> 00:00:17,593
Give it to me,
Jenny.
7
00:00:17,595 --> 00:00:19,629
Just give it to her
already.
8
00:00:19,631 --> 00:00:23,232
(women continue
exclaiming, moaning)
9
00:00:25,669 --> 00:00:26,569
Hey.
10
00:00:26,571 --> 00:00:28,204
Hey. Couldn't sleep, either?
11
00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:31,274
No. Jenny and her friend
are crazy in there.
12
00:00:31,276 --> 00:00:34,077
Have you ever made
a woman scream like that?
13
00:00:34,079 --> 00:00:35,144
Once.
14
00:00:35,146 --> 00:00:37,013
I hit her with my car.
15
00:00:37,015 --> 00:00:38,681
It sounded like Jenny hit her
16
00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:41,951
and then backed over her again.
17
00:00:41,953 --> 00:00:43,586
And then hit her,
18
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:45,955
a-and then...
backed over her again.
19
00:00:47,391 --> 00:00:49,325
And then hit her...
20
00:00:49,327 --> 00:00:51,160
and then backed over her again.
21
00:00:51,162 --> 00:00:54,430
I counted eight orgasms,
not including mine.
22
00:00:54,432 --> 00:00:55,798
Hey, that's my niece.
Oh, yeah,
23
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,768
and out of respect to you,
I only listened to her friend.
24
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:00,903
Yeah, me, too.
25
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,107
Hey, how about
this weekend we go out
26
00:01:04,109 --> 00:01:06,275
and find some women
and make 'em scream?
27
00:01:07,144 --> 00:01:08,978
In-in your imagination,
28
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:12,215
are they running away from you
or towards you?
29
00:01:12,217 --> 00:01:13,783
You know what I mean.
30
00:01:13,785 --> 00:01:15,985
Let's go out
and find some strange.
31
00:01:15,987 --> 00:01:19,188
I'm looking at some strange.
32
00:01:19,190 --> 00:01:21,090
Besides, I can't.
33
00:01:21,092 --> 00:01:22,959
My mom's got a charity dinner
this weekend.
34
00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:24,827
Oh, she's still trying
to help the monkeys?
35
00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:28,064
Yeah, she's raising money
to expand her sanctuary
36
00:01:28,066 --> 00:01:31,200
for helpless creatures
that nobody else wants.
37
00:01:31,202 --> 00:01:32,902
Kind of like what I do for you.
38
00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:35,405
Will there be any
single ladies there
39
00:01:35,407 --> 00:01:37,306
looking to use those
opposable thumbs?
40
00:01:37,308 --> 00:01:40,143
You know, swing on my vine,
peel my banana.
41
00:01:40,145 --> 00:01:41,811
Well, there might be a few there
42
00:01:41,813 --> 00:01:44,013
that want to throw
their poop at you.
43
00:01:44,015 --> 00:01:46,582
Mm, sounds like a good cause;
I'll buy a ticket.
44
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:49,552
They're a thousand
dollars apiece.
45
00:01:49,554 --> 00:01:52,755
Can I borrow $998?
46
00:01:52,757 --> 00:01:53,956
Hey.
47
00:01:53,958 --> 00:01:55,858
Hey.
Hey.
48
00:01:58,996 --> 00:02:00,396
(whirring)
49
00:02:00,398 --> 00:02:01,831
That'll work.
50
00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:04,033
You know what they say:
51
00:02:04,035 --> 00:02:07,937
once you go Black & Decker,
you never go back.
52
00:02:07,939 --> 00:02:10,506
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
53
00:02:10,508 --> 00:02:13,209
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
54
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,734
♪ Two and a Half Men 11x06 ♪
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Original Air Date on November 7, 2013
55
00:02:16,759 --> 00:02:20,259
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
*Resynced for WEB-DL by wickedky19*
56
00:02:21,294 --> 00:02:23,195
Hey! Look at you.
57
00:02:23,197 --> 00:02:25,197
Where are you going
in that monkey suit?
58
00:02:25,199 --> 00:02:26,899
A benefit.
59
00:02:26,901 --> 00:02:28,934
For monkeys.
60
00:02:30,236 --> 00:02:31,837
How do I look?
61
00:02:31,839 --> 00:02:34,173
Like you should be
on top of a cake.
62
00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:36,041
Let me guess: you're the cake.
63
00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:40,712
No, I'm the one that gets
to blow out the candle.
64
00:02:43,349 --> 00:02:46,652
Oh, when did we install
a mirror in here?
65
00:02:46,654 --> 00:02:48,187
(chuckles)
Tell the truth, Berta,
66
00:02:48,189 --> 00:02:49,922
you ever seen
two better-looking guys?
67
00:02:49,924 --> 00:02:51,323
No.
68
00:02:51,325 --> 00:02:52,791
Yes.
69
00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:57,329
(doorbell rings)
Oh. That must be my date.
70
00:02:59,132 --> 00:03:01,467
Hi, honey.
(laughs) You look amazing.
71
00:03:01,469 --> 00:03:04,103
Oh, you look so handsome.
72
00:03:04,105 --> 00:03:05,637
Wow, nice job, Walden.
73
00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,072
Where'd you two meet?
74
00:03:07,074 --> 00:03:09,174
Kind of a "meet cute."
75
00:03:09,176 --> 00:03:10,843
I shot out of her.
76
00:03:10,845 --> 00:03:12,678
Jenny, this is
my mom, Robin.
77
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,347
Mom, this is my new
roommate, Jenny.
78
00:03:15,349 --> 00:03:17,015
Oh, well, it's
a pleasure to meet you.
79
00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:18,617
(gasps)
Alan,
80
00:03:18,619 --> 00:03:20,185
does this mean
you finally moved out?
81
00:03:20,187 --> 00:03:22,154
(hearty laughter)
82
00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:24,923
No, no, no,
Jenny's my niece.
83
00:03:24,925 --> 00:03:26,291
She's staying
in Jake's room.
84
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,561
Well, I have my charity,
you have yours.
85
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:33,031
I can see where Walden
gets his pretty face.
86
00:03:33,033 --> 00:03:34,366
Aren't you sweet?
87
00:03:34,368 --> 00:03:35,601
He's single, you know.
88
00:03:35,603 --> 00:03:37,836
I know. Are you?
89
00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:41,306
Okay. All right, let's...
90
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,376
go save some monkeys.
91
00:03:44,378 --> 00:03:46,078
(clears throat softly)
92
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,513
Really?
93
00:03:47,515 --> 00:03:49,047
Hey, just 'cause
you came out of it
94
00:03:49,049 --> 00:03:51,650
doesn't mean
I don't want to get into it.
95
00:03:55,522 --> 00:03:58,190
(scoffs) They call
these martinis?
96
00:03:58,192 --> 00:04:01,126
The only thing they're saving
the monkeys from are DUI's.
97
00:04:01,128 --> 00:04:02,494
(laughing)
98
00:04:02,496 --> 00:04:03,929
You like that one?
99
00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:08,233
No, I was just picturing
a drunk monkey driving a car.
100
00:04:09,402 --> 00:04:11,203
Walden.
Mm.
101
00:04:11,205 --> 00:04:12,504
Oh.
102
00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:15,073
That woman with your mom
looks just like Lynda Carter.
103
00:04:15,075 --> 00:04:17,543
(Alan laughs)
104
00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:18,844
That is Lynda Carter.
105
00:04:18,846 --> 00:04:20,078
Really?
106
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,047
Wait, wait, T-TV's
Wonder Woman?
107
00:04:22,049 --> 00:04:23,582
The jewel of
Paradise Island?
108
00:04:23,584 --> 00:04:27,119
The-the shining crusader for justice
and star-spangled hot pants?
109
00:04:27,121 --> 00:04:29,421
I-I just call her Lynda.
110
00:04:29,423 --> 00:04:32,791
And I just lost the cleaning
deposit on this tux.
111
00:04:32,793 --> 00:04:33,992
Walden.
112
00:04:33,994 --> 00:04:35,861
Lynda, you look amazing.
113
00:04:35,863 --> 00:04:38,564
Oh, my God.
The last time we saw each other,
114
00:04:38,566 --> 00:04:40,265
you barely came up to here.
115
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:42,935
I remember those... days.
116
00:04:43,703 --> 00:04:45,904
(clearing throat):
Introduce me.
117
00:04:45,906 --> 00:04:48,173
Robin, you told me
he was successful,
118
00:04:48,175 --> 00:04:50,609
but you didn't tell me
how gorgeous he is.
119
00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:53,111
Well, it takes
a gorgeous person to know one.
120
00:04:53,113 --> 00:04:54,446
(laughs)
121
00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:56,715
(nervous laughing):
No, it doesn't. I'm Alan.
122
00:04:56,717 --> 00:04:58,517
Hi.
123
00:04:58,519 --> 00:05:01,543
This is Alan Harper.
He lives with Walden.
124
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:02,288
Oh, well, it's lovely
125
00:05:02,289 --> 00:05:03,455
to meet you.
126
00:05:03,457 --> 00:05:06,358
My gay fans have always been
my biggest supporters.
127
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,627
Oh, oh, no, no, I-I'm not gay.
128
00:05:08,629 --> 00:05:11,330
Oh, I'm sorry.
Transgender?
129
00:05:12,232 --> 00:05:14,166
I told you the hormones
weren't working.
130
00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:15,300
(chuckles)
131
00:05:15,302 --> 00:05:17,436
He's kidding.
Uh, I-I am very straight.
132
00:05:17,438 --> 00:05:20,806
In fact, the longer I look
at you the straighter I become.
133
00:05:20,808 --> 00:05:23,675
Well, if you'll excuse us,
I'm gonna start a fund
134
00:05:23,677 --> 00:05:26,612
to, um, save Lynda
from this conversation.
135
00:05:26,614 --> 00:05:28,780
(giggles)
It's lovely to meet you.
136
00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:32,084
And it was "wonder-ful"
meeting you. (chuckles)
137
00:05:32,086 --> 00:05:34,820
That's funny. I've never
heard that one before.
138
00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:36,521
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
139
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:39,024
Call me.
(chuckles)
140
00:05:41,561 --> 00:05:44,463
What the hell are you doing?
141
00:05:44,465 --> 00:05:48,100
Sorry, I just wanted to put
my mouth where her mouth was.
142
00:05:48,102 --> 00:05:50,602
And I also wanted to thank
you for a lovely evening.
143
00:05:55,408 --> 00:05:56,541
Morning.
144
00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,110
Mm. I got to tell you,
145
00:05:58,112 --> 00:06:01,013
you gave me a night
that I will never forget.
146
00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:05,717
Don't ever say that to me again.
147
00:06:05,719 --> 00:06:06,918
I'm serious.
Meeting Lynda Carter was
148
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,687
one of the greatest moments
of my life.
149
00:06:08,689 --> 00:06:10,389
I mean, she was
my first celebrity crush.
150
00:06:10,391 --> 00:06:12,424
I had a poster of her
that looked like
151
00:06:12,426 --> 00:06:15,160
the bottom of a birdcage.
152
00:06:15,162 --> 00:06:19,531
On behalf of Lynda Carter
and the rest of humanity...
153
00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:21,333
yuck.
154
00:06:21,335 --> 00:06:23,902
You know, it's not just about
how beautiful she was.
155
00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,471
I mean, she's multitalented.
I mean, I had all of her albums,
156
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,573
I-I-I've seen everything
she's ever done.
157
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:29,975
How?
158
00:06:29,977 --> 00:06:32,544
Were you hiding outside
her house in a bush?
159
00:06:32,546 --> 00:06:34,746
(snorting laugh)
160
00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:39,351
Lynda Carter's bush.
161
00:06:41,187 --> 00:06:43,322
Hey, you know, she's single.
162
00:06:43,324 --> 00:06:44,556
And?
163
00:06:44,558 --> 00:06:46,291
And? (laughs)
164
00:06:46,293 --> 00:06:48,126
Set me up with her.
165
00:06:48,128 --> 00:06:51,563
Can't I just... get
you a new poster?
166
00:06:52,932 --> 00:06:54,933
I'll laminate it.
167
00:06:54,935 --> 00:06:57,035
Come on, come on.
168
00:06:57,037 --> 00:06:59,438
I-I-I have been in love with
Lynda Carter for my whole life,
169
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,274
and because you know her
and I know you,
170
00:07:02,276 --> 00:07:03,975
I actually have a shot.
171
00:07:03,977 --> 00:07:05,410
I mean, this is fate.
172
00:07:05,412 --> 00:07:07,112
This is probably
why my brother died.
173
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:09,581
You said fate
killed your brother
174
00:07:09,583 --> 00:07:11,717
so you could get
that espresso machine.
175
00:07:11,719 --> 00:07:13,452
Come on!
176
00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:15,053
I'll see what I can do.
177
00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:16,254
Really?
178
00:07:16,256 --> 00:07:17,823
Yeah. Just don't
get your hopes up.
179
00:07:17,825 --> 00:07:19,324
(scoffs):
Oh, of course not.
180
00:07:19,326 --> 00:07:20,926
Thank you.
181
00:07:22,328 --> 00:07:25,230
(quietly): Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the dance floor,
182
00:07:25,232 --> 00:07:28,133
for the first time
as man and wife...
183
00:07:28,135 --> 00:07:31,103
Mr. and Mrs. Lynda Carter.
184
00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:40,145
Okay, great.
All right, we'll see you soon.
185
00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,447
Hey.
186
00:07:43,282 --> 00:07:44,649
Was that her?
187
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:45,817
Who?
188
00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:48,587
(high-pitched):
♪ Wonder Woman!
189
00:07:49,622 --> 00:07:52,824
♪ For your friend,
Alan Harper! ♪
190
00:07:52,826 --> 00:07:54,092
What are you doing?
191
00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:56,128
Oh, it's the Wonder Woman
theme song.
192
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,063
(high-pitched):
♪ Wonder Woman!
193
00:07:58,065 --> 00:08:01,633
♪ You're a wonder,
Wonder Woman! ♪
194
00:08:01,635 --> 00:08:03,001
Not familiar.
195
00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:04,202
You should be, 'cause it's...
196
00:08:04,204 --> 00:08:06,705
♪ Kind of awesome!
197
00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,907
I was ordering a pizza.
198
00:08:09,876 --> 00:08:12,010
I haven't had a chance
to talk to her yet.
199
00:08:12,012 --> 00:08:13,478
Why not?
200
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,181
♪ Does your word mean nothin'? ♪
201
00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:19,117
You know what, uh,
to be perfectly honest, I...
202
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:21,753
I don't know
if this is a good idea.
203
00:08:21,755 --> 00:08:22,988
What? Why?
204
00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:24,756
What-what's wrong with her?
Is she crazy?
205
00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:27,459
I like crazy. You met Lyndsey--
that bitch is cuckoo.
206
00:08:27,461 --> 00:08:31,196
No, there's-there's
nothing wrong with her.
207
00:08:31,198 --> 00:08:32,330
So what's the problem?
208
00:08:32,332 --> 00:08:34,666
She's... Lynda Carter.
209
00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:36,701
And?
210
00:08:36,703 --> 00:08:38,904
And you're...
211
00:08:38,906 --> 00:08:41,940
(high-pitched):
♪ Alan Harper!
212
00:08:43,843 --> 00:08:45,610
Oh.
213
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,479
Oh, I get it.
214
00:08:47,481 --> 00:08:49,848
You don't think
I'm good enough for her.
215
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,683
Oh, no, it's not that.
216
00:08:51,685 --> 00:08:53,118
No, no, no, no, no,
it's fine, it's fine.
217
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,520
Just out of curiosity,
who am I good enough for?
218
00:08:55,522 --> 00:08:57,255
Lots of people.
Well, name one.
219
00:08:57,257 --> 00:08:58,957
Okay, how about...
how about the-the...
220
00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:00,992
the barista at the coffee place.
221
00:09:00,994 --> 00:09:03,295
The hot blonde, Vanessa?
Oh, God, no. No, I'm...
222
00:09:03,297 --> 00:09:04,896
I'm...
223
00:09:04,898 --> 00:09:06,164
I'm talking about the other one.
224
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,433
The only other one is Miguel.
225
00:09:08,435 --> 00:09:12,037
No. No, Tracy.
The one with the brown hair.
226
00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:15,173
Coming out of her chin mole.
227
00:09:15,175 --> 00:09:16,675
Okay, then Miguel.
228
00:09:16,677 --> 00:09:19,744
(scoffs) I... I can't believe
you think so little of me.
229
00:09:19,746 --> 00:09:21,680
It's not that.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
230
00:09:21,682 --> 00:09:23,782
This is actually good.
I finally know where I stand
231
00:09:23,784 --> 00:09:24,816
with my "friend."
232
00:09:24,818 --> 00:09:25,951
Okay, Alan...
233
00:09:25,953 --> 00:09:28,787
And you were gonna
be our best man!
234
00:09:31,457 --> 00:09:33,525
Yeah, no, he's
not good enough for Miguel.
235
00:09:33,527 --> 00:09:35,627
♪ Men.
236
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:40,553
(Jenny clears throat)
237
00:09:40,555 --> 00:09:41,922
Hey.
238
00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:43,623
Hey. You're up early.
239
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,426
(sighs):
Yup. Crack of dawn.
240
00:09:46,428 --> 00:09:49,229
But, shh,
Dawn is still sleeping.
241
00:09:50,564 --> 00:09:51,932
Good morning.
242
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:52,999
Good morning.
243
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,035
Uh, hey, Jenny,
do you have any idea
244
00:09:55,037 --> 00:09:58,204
how to get tear stains
out of pillows?
245
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,473
It's certainly not more tears,
because I tried that.
246
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,741
Have you tried spraying
247
00:10:01,743 --> 00:10:03,944
some desperate
cry for attention on it?
248
00:10:05,947 --> 00:10:07,447
You want
some coffee?
249
00:10:07,449 --> 00:10:09,649
Why, yes, I would.
Oh, uh, Walden,
250
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,351
is there some
uglier coffee
251
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,153
that might be more
appropriate for me?
252
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,288
All right.
Alan, you're being ridiculous.
253
00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:17,090
Hey, sticks and stones
may break my bones,
254
00:10:17,092 --> 00:10:19,592
but thanks to you,
I'll never bone Lynda Carter.
255
00:10:21,195 --> 00:10:24,831
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
will breakfast alone in my room.
256
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,300
What's wrong with Auntie Alan?
257
00:10:27,302 --> 00:10:30,270
She's pouting 'cause I won't
set her up with Lynda Carter.
258
00:10:30,272 --> 00:10:33,540
Why not?
Because, it's Lynda Carter.
259
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,375
Right.
260
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:37,510
And who's Lynda Carter?
261
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,779
Lynda Carter is an actress.
262
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:42,549
Oh. And she makes you
say her whole name?
263
00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,017
She doesn't make you,
264
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,686
it's just something you do
when people reach icon status.
265
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,222
So why won't you
set Alan up with her?
266
00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:50,690
She's out of his league.
267
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,891
What league is she in?
268
00:10:51,893 --> 00:10:55,195
Well, among others,
the Justice League.
269
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,797
All right, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
270
00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:59,933
so let me just
ask you a question.
271
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,548
Is Alan good enough
to be your friend?
272
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,337
Of course.
273
00:11:03,338 --> 00:11:06,406
So then why isn't he good enough for her?
Okay, that's not fair.
274
00:11:06,408 --> 00:11:09,309
There are a lot of women that
Alan is not good enough for.
275
00:11:09,311 --> 00:11:12,879
Don't you think she should
decide who she can go out with?
276
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,056
Hmm. That's actually
a good point.
277
00:11:15,057 --> 00:11:16,641
Hang on, one second,
is this Lynda Carter?
278
00:11:16,666 --> 00:11:18,452
Uh-huh.
279
00:11:18,453 --> 00:11:21,654
Yeah, Alan's not
good enough for her.
280
00:11:24,925 --> 00:11:26,626
(sighs)
281
00:11:26,628 --> 00:11:27,861
Alan.
282
00:11:27,863 --> 00:11:29,129
ALAN: Yeah?
283
00:11:29,131 --> 00:11:30,930
Are you decent?
284
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:33,933
Not by your standards.
285
00:11:33,935 --> 00:11:36,436
Okay, I'm coming in.
286
00:11:36,438 --> 00:11:38,271
What do you want?
287
00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:41,074
If it's self-esteem you're
after, there's none here.
288
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,043
I was wrong.
289
00:11:43,045 --> 00:11:46,746
It is not my place to decide
who you can or cannot date.
290
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,747
No, no, it's fine.
291
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,115
Uh, actually, I'm making a list
292
00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:50,617
of the people
you shouldn't date.
293
00:11:50,619 --> 00:11:54,054
Uh, Number one:
Anyone with a heart.
294
00:11:54,056 --> 00:11:56,022
Okay, you know, I deserve that.
295
00:11:56,024 --> 00:11:58,458
And number two,
Taylor Swift, because she will
296
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:02,228
write a song about you called
"Back-Stabbing Dream Killer."
297
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,030
Okay, well, if you will let me,
298
00:12:04,032 --> 00:12:06,599
I would like
to make it up to you.
299
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:11,371
I invited my mother and Lynda
over for dinner tomorrow night.
300
00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:14,441
So, you are free
to ask her out yourself.
301
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,776
If you're joking,
I swear to God
302
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,679
I will pack my things and you
will never see me again.
303
00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:21,181
I was joking.
So was I.
304
00:12:21,183 --> 00:12:24,017
You're not just doing this
out of pity, are you?
305
00:12:24,019 --> 00:12:25,952
Don't answer, I don't care.
306
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:26,953
You're a good friend.
307
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,822
So are you.
308
00:12:28,824 --> 00:12:31,091
And, again, I'm sorry.
309
00:12:31,093 --> 00:12:32,692
Thank you.
310
00:12:32,694 --> 00:12:36,262
Okay. Oh, and,
and, a little tip:
311
00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:39,933
when Lynda's here, just try
not to act like a crazy fan.
312
00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:40,998
(chuckles) I got it.
313
00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:43,224
No, no, seriously, like, if,
if you want a shot with her
314
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:45,605
you need to treat
her like she's a normal person.
315
00:12:45,607 --> 00:12:48,241
And, and you should
pretend to be one, yourself.
316
00:12:48,243 --> 00:12:50,009
It's not a problem.
(laughs)
317
00:12:53,547 --> 00:12:56,783
Until tomorrow.
318
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,554
All right,
I'm out of here.
319
00:13:01,556 --> 00:13:04,190
Dinner's in the oven
and the wine's chilling.
320
00:13:04,192 --> 00:13:05,158
Oh, thank you.
321
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,060
No, I was talking about
at my house.
322
00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:10,263
Oh, oh, uh, uh,
before you go, um,
323
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:12,665
uh, uh, which is my good side?
What?
324
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,634
I'm trying to figure out
where to sit at dinner.
325
00:13:14,636 --> 00:13:16,636
I-I want my good side
facing Lynda.
326
00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:18,171
All right.
327
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,772
Turn to your left.
328
00:13:19,774 --> 00:13:20,874
Okay.
329
00:13:20,876 --> 00:13:22,108
Now turn to your right.
330
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:23,910
Okay.
331
00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:26,246
Turn around.
332
00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:30,049
Perfect.
333
00:13:30,051 --> 00:13:32,252
Who hurt you, Berta?
334
00:13:32,254 --> 00:13:33,753
(doorbell rings)
335
00:13:33,755 --> 00:13:35,321
Oh, uh...
336
00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:40,827
Ooh, uh, just in case.
337
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,932
Oh, God, it burns!
338
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:51,070
What did I say about
acting like a normal person?
339
00:13:51,072 --> 00:13:55,141
That was before I got mint spray
in Little Alan's eye.
340
00:13:55,143 --> 00:13:57,277
I'm not even gonna ask.
341
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,314
Oh, hey, you two
look beautiful.
342
00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:03,650
Oh, it's great
to see you again, Walden.
343
00:14:03,652 --> 00:14:05,351
And don't forget about me.
(chuckles)
344
00:14:05,353 --> 00:14:08,721
Oh, don't worry, I haven't.
345
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,292
Okay, you can let go now.
346
00:14:12,294 --> 00:14:14,294
Well, I'm glad
you two could make it.
347
00:14:14,296 --> 00:14:17,197
Wow, this is quite the place.
348
00:14:17,199 --> 00:14:19,399
BOTH:
Thank you.
349
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,167
Single guy living at the beach,
350
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:23,203
you must do well
with the ladies.
351
00:14:23,205 --> 00:14:27,574
I do okay, but this guy
is the real charmer.
352
00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:32,545
Blink twice if you're
being held against your will.
353
00:14:32,547 --> 00:14:33,880
Well, it's,
it's true, in my youth
354
00:14:33,882 --> 00:14:36,082
I was a bit of a,
a rapscallion.
355
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,417
(nervous chuckle)
356
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:38,651
A rake.
357
00:14:38,653 --> 00:14:40,687
A... gadabout.
358
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,156
WALDEN:
A... g-gadabout?
359
00:14:43,158 --> 00:14:44,991
What have you.
360
00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:47,827
Yeah, but that was
in your past, right?
361
00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:50,964
And now you're just a
normal, regular guy?
362
00:14:50,966 --> 00:14:52,065
Yeah, that's right,
that's right.
363
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:55,168
I'm just a,
a normal, regular guy
364
00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:58,738
looking for a crazy
little thing called love.
365
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:02,375
LYNDA CARTER:
♪ Crazy little thing called love... ♪
366
00:15:02,377 --> 00:15:05,445
What's that I hear?
367
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,749
Is that the lovely voice of
triple-threat Lynda Carter?
368
00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:13,052
Actress, singer, dancer?
369
00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:16,055
Wait a second,
do I smell mint?
370
00:15:19,059 --> 00:15:22,729
Yes, and it's not
coming from my mouth.
371
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,769
Oh ,uh, uh,
would you mind signing it
372
00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:32,905
"From a Wonder Woman
to a Super Man"?
373
00:15:35,109 --> 00:15:37,977
How about "best wishes"?
That works. (chuckles)
374
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,545
Hey, you know,
I'll, I'll bet you could
375
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:40,947
make a lot of money
traveling around
376
00:15:40,949 --> 00:15:42,482
and signing
at conventions and stuff.
377
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,450
I'm not a big fan of travel.
378
00:15:44,452 --> 00:15:46,819
Yeah, not to mention
the weirdos you'd meet.
379
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,055
Ugh. You don't
have to tell me,
380
00:15:49,057 --> 00:15:51,090
I mean, I-I've talked
to a lot of them
381
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:54,861
on the Wonder Woman
message boards. Freaks!
382
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,730
Alan?
Hmm?
383
00:15:57,732 --> 00:15:59,565
I'm pretty sure Lynda didn't
come here just to sign things.
384
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,634
Oh, of course, of course.
Sorry, I just, you know,
385
00:16:01,636 --> 00:16:04,003
I, I geeked out a bit.
(chuckles)
386
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,905
Oh, that's okay.
You can't imagine how often
387
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:08,708
I get roped into these kinds
of conversations.
388
00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:10,576
Roped? Or...
389
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:12,245
...lassoed?
390
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:16,716
Oh, God. He's gonna tie her up
and throw her in a van.
391
00:16:16,718 --> 00:16:20,253
No, no. This is an original
Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth.
392
00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:22,522
I-I got it at Comic Con '88.
393
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,991
Yeah, back when only
the really cool people went.
394
00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:30,229
Whoever is wearing the lasso
must tell the truth.
395
00:16:30,231 --> 00:16:32,332
(giggles) Is this
the best night of my life?
396
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:33,933
It is.
397
00:16:35,469 --> 00:16:37,770
Are you completely oblivious
to social cues?
398
00:16:37,772 --> 00:16:39,439
You are.
399
00:16:39,441 --> 00:16:41,974
Oh, oh, would you mind
posing with it
400
00:16:41,976 --> 00:16:43,543
so I can snap a quick picture?
401
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,546
Alan. (whispers): Enough.
Mm-hmm?
402
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:50,216
No. It, it's okay.
Let's just take the picture.
403
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,985
Oh great, great. Oh,
crud. The memory's full.
404
00:16:52,987 --> 00:16:54,721
Uh, uh, let me just
delete a few.
405
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:58,024
Good-bye, Jake.
Good-bye, Jake.
406
00:16:58,026 --> 00:17:00,393
Oh, kitty, hang in there.
407
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:01,794
Good-bye, Jake.
408
00:17:01,796 --> 00:17:04,197
Okay, would you like to...
Yes!
409
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,435
Hurry back.
410
00:17:09,437 --> 00:17:10,536
It's going well, isn't it?
411
00:17:10,538 --> 00:17:12,638
I have chimps smarter than you.
412
00:17:14,308 --> 00:17:16,843
I'm really sorry
about tonight.
413
00:17:16,845 --> 00:17:18,678
Oh, it's okay.
He's harmless.
414
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,980
He is harmless, right?
415
00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:24,250
Yeah, he's harmless,
clueless, homeless.
416
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,585
He's pretty much "less."
417
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:28,521
(laughs) Still,
I'm glad I came over.
418
00:17:28,523 --> 00:17:29,989
It's really good
to see you again.
419
00:17:29,991 --> 00:17:32,392
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
And you look amazing.
420
00:17:32,394 --> 00:17:35,161
Or, should I say,
"wonder-ful."
421
00:17:35,163 --> 00:17:38,498
See? When you do it, it's cute.
(chuckles)
422
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,333
Oh, uh, Jenny,
423
00:17:40,335 --> 00:17:41,401
this is Lynda Car...
424
00:17:41,403 --> 00:17:44,670
Lynda freakin' Carter.
425
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,205
Nice to meet you.
426
00:17:46,207 --> 00:17:47,940
Jenny is
Alan's niece.
427
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,443
Ah, well, I won't
hold that against you.
428
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:53,413
Beautiful and funny.
429
00:17:53,415 --> 00:17:54,680
(chuckles)
Aren't you sweet.
430
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,316
Oh, I can be way sweeter.
431
00:17:57,318 --> 00:17:59,085
Or less, if that's
what you're into.
432
00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:00,686
Hmm.
433
00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,221
You still like
wearing cuffs?
434
00:18:02,223 --> 00:18:06,926
Okay. All right, uh, Jenny,
isn't your bedroom that way?
435
00:18:06,928 --> 00:18:09,695
(whispers):
What he said.
436
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:15,201
See? I told you the
gays really like me.
437
00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:18,571
I'm sorry. I, I,
I actually, I do have to ask:
438
00:18:18,573 --> 00:18:20,940
does Alan have
a shot with you?
439
00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:22,575
That Alan?
440
00:18:22,577 --> 00:18:25,545
You do know I'm Lynda
freakin' Carter, right?
441
00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:29,115
Okay. Asked
and answered.
442
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:32,285
It seems that everyone
in this house wants to be with me
443
00:18:32,287 --> 00:18:34,287
except the one that I want.
(chuckles) Yeah.
444
00:18:34,289 --> 00:18:36,556
Wait, what?
445
00:18:37,191 --> 00:18:39,725
Okay, I made room for...
446
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,794
Betrayal!
447
00:18:44,198 --> 00:18:46,432
♪
448
00:19:00,614 --> 00:19:02,782
Dude, seriously?
449
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:04,951
No wonder you
brought her out here. Oh!
450
00:19:04,953 --> 00:19:08,721
God, I'm so angry I forgot to
emphasize the word "wonder."
451
00:19:08,723 --> 00:19:10,857
Alan, it's not what you think.
Oh, really?
452
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,358
'Cause I'm thinking you're
kissing Lynda Carter.
453
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,261
What is going on?
Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.
454
00:19:15,263 --> 00:19:17,797
Your son, my ex-friend,
still roommate,
455
00:19:17,799 --> 00:19:19,298
just double-crossed me.
456
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:22,101
Alan, you're embarrassing yourself.
Oh, am I?
457
00:19:22,103 --> 00:19:23,636
Okay, I'm not
gonna do this.
458
00:19:23,638 --> 00:19:24,770
Oh, aren't you?
459
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,205
Okay, that's it.
460
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,540
(shrieks)
(Alan screams)
461
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:29,308
Oh, this is about
to really suck.
462
00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:31,110
(thuds)
463
00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:39,622
Morning. (sighs)
464
00:19:39,624 --> 00:19:40,890
Morning.
465
00:19:40,892 --> 00:19:45,194
(clucks tongue) Listen, uh,
about last night...
466
00:19:45,196 --> 00:19:48,330
Let's just drop it.
467
00:19:48,332 --> 00:19:50,366
Fair enough.
468
00:19:57,407 --> 00:20:00,209
Again, I-I am
very sorry.
469
00:20:00,211 --> 00:20:02,578
I got it. Mo-Moving on.
470
00:20:05,882 --> 00:20:10,386
I know you would never
intentionally try to hurt me.
471
00:20:10,388 --> 00:20:12,954
We're past it.
472
00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:16,692
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
*Resynced for WEB-DL by wickedky19*