1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,602
♪ men. ♪
2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,172
Hello, walden.
Good to see you.
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,341
I would say, "good to see you,"
but, of course,
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,344
When I see you, it's usually
'cause things aren't good.
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,849
Well, if things were
always good with people,
6
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,118
I wouldn't have that condo
in palm springs.
7
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:21,987
So...
8
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,989
What's going on?
9
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:27,026
Well, I left
the woman that I loved
10
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,327
And thought I was gonna marry
11
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:31,230
For another woman
who I thought I loved more,
12
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,065
And then...
13
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,733
I lost them both.
14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,235
So tell me about these women.
15
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,037
Well, kate was my ex,
16
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,239
But the only reason
we broke up in the first place
17
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,673
Is 'cause she moved to china.
18
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,475
Um, she's amazing.
19
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,743
(soft laugh)
20
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,979
She's smart and driven
21
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:50,315
And sexy and beautiful.
22
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,084
Then there's
23
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:55,187
Vivian, who's a girl
who knocked on my door
24
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,756
'cause she wanted
to drink from my hose.
25
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:01,060
Okay, let's table
the hose part for now
26
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:04,163
And focus on the fact that you
broke up with a woman you loved
27
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,398
For a stranger
who knocked on your door.
28
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,500
I know. Romantic, right?
29
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,936
What the hell's wrong with you?
30
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,205
Isn't that what
I'm paying you to tell me?
31
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,007
Well, if I just
tell you the answers,
32
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,943
I don't get to yell at you. And
this has to be fun for me, too.
33
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,879
Let me ask you
something, walden.
34
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,048
Have you ever
been able to have sex
35
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,050
And not fall in love?
36
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,453
Only with myself.
37
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:30,589
Well, it seems to me
you base your own value
38
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,125
On who's willing
to have sex with you.
39
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:36,061
How do you feel
after you sleep with someone?
40
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,130
Grateful.
41
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,264
Happy.
42
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,401
Bashful. Dopey.
Basically all the dwarfs.
43
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,037
Did it ever occur to you
that these women
44
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,206
Might also be grateful?
45
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,540
No.
46
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,908
Well, why not? You're a smart,
47
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,077
Successful, good-looking guy.
48
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,913
There are plenty of women who
would love to have sex with you.
49
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,116
Are you flirting with me?
50
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,751
Walden, now you're
attempting to forge
51
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:03,288
An emotional attachment
with your gay therapist.
52
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,557
Is it working?
53
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,026
A little bit.
You're extremely pretty.
54
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:10,929
But the point is,
55
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,931
You need to break this pattern.
56
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,566
How am I supposed to do that?
57
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,102
I'm gonna
write you a prescription.
58
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,738
You need to learn
to enjoy sexual relations
59
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,940
Without concluding
that every woman...
60
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,242
Is the one.
61
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:29,181
"bang everything that moves."
62
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,850
Twice a day, if possible.
Mixing with alcohol is fine,
63
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,352
Just not while driving.
64
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,786
Look,
65
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,989
If you do this, it's very likely
that the next time
66
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:40,692
You fall in love, the emotions
that you feel will be authentic
67
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,162
And not just
projecting on someone
68
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,364
Because you shared
a physical connection.
69
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,966
But what if the first woman
I have casual sex with
70
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,168
Turns out to be the one?
71
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,036
Wow.
72
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,638
When I'm done with you,
73
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,873
I'm gonna be able
to buy a yacht.
74
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:58,677
♪ men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men ♪
75
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,914
♪ ah. ♪
♪ men. ♪
♪ men. ♪
76
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,286
♪ men. ♪
77
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:10,022
So, mr. Mardirosian,
if-if you don't mind my asking,
78
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,357
Uh, how did you hear about
my chiropractic business,
79
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,527
Adjustments...
(whispers): By the sea?
80
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,196
You came into the deli.
81
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,797
You asked to pay
for your baba ghanoush
82
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,566
With free back adjustment.
83
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,068
Mm. That doesn't
narrow it down.
84
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,237
I made that offer in a lotta
delis in little armenia.
85
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,705
Anyway,
why don't you,
86
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,241
Uh, hop up on the table
and I'll try to make your back
87
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,310
As tender as your kebobs.
88
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,082
Oh, my.
89
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,818
Guess this explains
the hair in my hummus.
90
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,688
Whoa.
91
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,323
Those are balls.
92
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,326
Uh, alan, can I talk to you
for a second?
93
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,728
Oh, uh, uh, just,
just make yourself comfortable.
94
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,732
(dreamy music playing)
95
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,335
(soft chimes)
96
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,403
(whispers): By the sea.
97
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,211
What's going on?
Well, I don't know
if you've noticed,
98
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,080
But I haven't really been
working very much lately.
99
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,514
You know, now that
you mention it,
100
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:12,417
I have noticed that you've been
here literally every day
101
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,086
For the past three years.
102
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,855
My point is I-I'm trying to
get my business going again.
103
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,925
Ergo, adjustments...
(whispers): By the sea.
104
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,360
That's great.
105
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,061
And I'm really proud of you.
106
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:26,265
But why's it happening
(whispers): In my living room?
107
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,900
Because you can charge
$50 more an hour if it's
108
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,235
(whispers): By the sea.
109
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:31,303
And not
110
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:34,439
(whispers):
Above a quiznos.
111
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,642
Okay, this is my house,
not a place of business.
112
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,644
It's just temporary.
I-I just need to
113
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,545
Build up my clientele so
I can rent a new space.
114
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,281
I-I promise, you will
not know I'm here.
115
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,283
I always know you're here.
116
00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:46,251
Oh, you are so sweet.
117
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,320
This is gonna be a good
thing. You'll see.
118
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:51,490
I'll never see anything
but those balls again.
119
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,327
(sighs)
120
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,400
Of all the places
he doesn't have hair.
121
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,237
♪ men. ♪
122
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,775
Hey, berta, can I ask you
a personal question?
123
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,777
Twice. Once in college and once
124
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,146
With a waitress
from howard johnson's.
125
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,847
Oh. No, uh...
126
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,917
Do you think it's possible
127
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:22,187
To have sex with someone
without an emotional attachment?
128
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,422
Of course.
129
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:26,658
My rule is, "find 'em,
fornicate and forget 'em."
130
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,527
Mine is "love 'em, lose 'em,
131
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,362
Live the rest of your life
with alan."
132
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,997
(laughs)
133
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,532
I think yours is catchier.
134
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,434
Not as catchy as what I got
from that waitress
135
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,802
From howard johnson's.
136
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,204
Thank god for penicillin.
137
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,273
(doorbell rings)
she should be on tv.
138
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,214
Hello.
139
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,450
Is this adjustments by the sea?
140
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,285
Oh.
141
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:54,853
Actually, it's pronounced
"adjustments...
142
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,389
(whispers):
By the sea."
143
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,391
Oh, okay.
144
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:03,061
Well I-I have an appointment
with dr. Harper at 2:00.
145
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,397
Oh. Uh...
146
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:09,000
Sorry... D-dr. Harper
isn't here right now.
147
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,302
Um...
148
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,303
You know what,
why don't you come
149
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:12,704
And have a seat and I'll see
150
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,739
If I can reach him.
151
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,341
Okay. Wow.
152
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,677
Ooh, this is quite a place.
153
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,912
Yes, dr. Harper has made
154
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,482
A tremendous success
of his life.
155
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,217
He's gone from having nothing
156
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,052
To living in a house
on the beach.
157
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,087
How does he do it?
158
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,424
(rattling, clanging)
159
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:37,863
(phone ringing)
160
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,265
Adjustments by the sea.
Please hold.
161
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,534
Your call is important to us.
162
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,437
Please stay on the...
Alan, it's me.
163
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,239
You didn't have to yell,
you could've just
164
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,174
Hit zero at any time.
165
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:51,209
You have a client here.
Where are you?
166
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,844
I'm stuck in traffic.
There was an accident.
167
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,113
Well, how long
till you get here?
I don't know.
168
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:58,250
How long does it take the jaws
of life to pry open a prius?
169
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,452
Just-just keep her busy.
170
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,454
How? I'm not a chiropractor.
171
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,856
According to the state
licensing board, neither am I.
172
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,260
I'll be there as soon as I can.
(beeps)
173
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:12,264
Ugh. The one time I actually
want him in my house.
174
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:18,303
I'm sorry, he's
stuck in traffic.
175
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,305
I'm walden.
176
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,141
It's nice to meet you.
I'm tracy.
177
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,145
I have to say, the view here
is very impressive.
178
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,447
Oh, yeah.
179
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,248
The beach is
beautiful, isn't it?
180
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,184
I wasn't
talking about the beach.
181
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,553
You're not?
182
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,622
Oh.
183
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,058
You're talking about...
184
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,261
Thank you. (giggles)
185
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,396
Um... (clears throat)
186
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:49,301
So, walden, are-are you
a chiropractor, too?
187
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,836
Oh, no. You do not
want these hands
188
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,337
Touching your body.
189
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:55,407
I don't have the
proper credentials.
190
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:58,310
I do, however, have
a note from a doctor.
191
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,178
Is that velour?
192
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,215
You are adorable.
193
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,485
So, how'd you hurt your back?
194
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:10,288
You know, it might just
be easier if I showed you.
195
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,091
Easy's... Always good.
196
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,826
That's true.
197
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,830
Although some things are better
when they're harder.
198
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,099
Oh, yeah, like working out.
199
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:26,438
Or what you're
talking about.
200
00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,709
I see how you
hurt your back.
201
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:33,879
I hope I didn't hurt yours.
202
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,815
Sorry for the scratch marks.
Yeah.
203
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,817
Listen, um,
204
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,819
I hope you don't take
this the wrong way...
205
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:44,956
Oh. I think taking it the wrong
way is what fixed my back.
206
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,659
Actually, that was an accident,
but it worked out for everyone.
207
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,127
Anyway, I...
208
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,697
I recognize that
what we just shared
209
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,301
Is something
very intimate,
210
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:59,137
And it would only be
natural for both of us
211
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,339
To be experiencing feelings
212
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,408
Of affection for one another,
213
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,076
And perhaps develop a desire
214
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:09,247
To share a meal or a drink
215
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,149
Or a couple of years together,
216
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,918
But is it
possible that
217
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,153
What might be best
218
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,721
Is...
219
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,523
For this to remain a
220
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,825
Casual encounter?
221
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,661
Sure.
222
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,032
Really?
Yep.
223
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,600
'cause I-if you want
to get a cup of coffee...
224
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,636
Oh, I got to go pick up my kids
from soccer. Thanks, walden.
225
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,906
Aw. What a good mom.
226
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,178
Oh, good, mrs. Butler,
I am so sorry I'm late.
227
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,680
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's fine.
228
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,014
Uh, no, no, no, it's not. Uh,
229
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,083
We still have a half an hour.
Any kinks you need worked out?
230
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,086
Oh, trust me, the next time
I'm feel kinky, I'll be back.
231
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,955
Here you go.
Oh.
232
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,457
But I-I didn't...
Oh, don't worry about
it. I got to run.
233
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,092
Okay, well, c-come again.
234
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,827
Oh, I will.
235
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,532
Sadly, it's not
the first time a woman
236
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:02,200
Has paid me not to touch her.
237
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,206
♪ men. ♪
238
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,274
Morning.
239
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,976
I had sex yesterday.
240
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,712
Congratulations.
When's the wedding?
241
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,780
Oh. (mock laughs) no.
242
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,982
This was different.
243
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,484
If the kind of sex I had
was a suit,
244
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,319
It would be made of linen,
because it was
245
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,521
So casual.
246
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,558
You? Really?
247
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,592
(chuckles)
248
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,427
I know. You believe it?
249
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,496
We started having sex,
and I caught myself
250
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,665
Trying to make love,
and I said, "no,
251
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,800
No, no."
252
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,069
"this is gonna be
meaningless and empty,
253
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,305
"like two wild elk
254
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:44,509
Rutting
on the siberian tundra."
255
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,245
You know, only male elk rut.
256
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,516
And only lesbians
who didn't have sex last night
257
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,119
Point out stupid animal facts.
258
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,521
(doorbell rings)
259
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,657
I got it.
260
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,595
Hello?
Hi. Is this
adjustments by the sea?
261
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,998
Oh, uh, actually,
today it's adjustments by
the closed patio door,
262
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,801
Because a, uh, seagull
pooped on my last client.
263
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,037
Uh... I am dr.
Alan harper.
264
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,605
Uh, do you have
an appointment?
265
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,440
Uh, I do.
But I was hoping
266
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:18,176
I could see
your associate, walden?
267
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,146
Oh, no, there, uh, there
must be some kind of mistake.
268
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,648
Walden doesn't
actually work with me.
269
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:27,352
According to my friend tracy,
he worked with her quite well.
270
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,953
Um, tracy?
271
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,622
She was here yesterday.
272
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:35,560
For the... Internal massage.
273
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,429
Oh! Oh!
274
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,832
Well... Well, I don't...
275
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,034
Know what went on
between the two of them,
276
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,503
But this is not that
type of business.
277
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,839
Okay, I get it.
278
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,508
Maybe this will help.
Oh, no, I'm not
really comfortable,
279
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,211
Uh, letting you stand
out in the cold.
Please come in.
280
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,680
Um...
281
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:56,981
Thank you.
282
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,250
Now, um, if I want
anything special,
283
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,553
Should I negotiate
with walden directly?
284
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,254
Oh. No.
285
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,723
No.
286
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,857
No, no, no, no.
287
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,160
Uh, uh, uh, walden...
288
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,695
Walden...
289
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:12,197
Considers himself
an artist.
290
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,199
And as far as
he's concerned,
291
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,767
You're just two strangers
292
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,836
Meeting in a chiropractic
waiting room.
293
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,739
Uh, any mention of money
would just upset him.
294
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,874
I understand.
295
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,844
Yeah. Oh, and, uh,
here's a diagram
of the human body.
296
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,779
If you'd like, you
can mark the areas
297
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,849
That you'd like him to
give special attention to.
298
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,618
Oh. Oh, my.
299
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,954
Uh, "x" marks
the g-spot.
300
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,626
Oh, oh, good, walden,
uh, you're here.
301
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,928
Um, uh, I need your help.
302
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,365
Um, could you keep my client
company until I get back?
303
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,633
Alan,
304
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:51,202
I'm not here to babysit
your clients.
305
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:52,203
I can do it.
306
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,772
No. Uh...
307
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,040
No. No.
308
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,408
This is a man's job.
309
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,643
I-I'll be right back.
310
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,948
Hi. I'm sorry.
311
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,118
Uh, dr. Harper had to
take care of something
312
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,219
Really quick.
313
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,421
Is there anything
I can offer you?
314
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,423
Well, that depends.
315
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,326
Can I offer you anything...
316
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,529
Stranger?
317
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,603
Well, I do see a...
318
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,505
Couple things I like.
319
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,809
So do I.
(chuckles)
320
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,813
You've got a lovely place here.
321
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:38,917
I can't wait to see
every inch of it. (laughs)
322
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,820
That might take a while.
323
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,488
Why?
324
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,457
Is it big?
325
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,828
I've been told
that it's quite big.
326
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:52,163
(walden chuckles)
327
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,833
Wait, wait, we're not really
talking about the house, are we?
328
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,801
No, no, we're not.
Oh. (laughs)
329
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:57,869
Yay!
330
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:00,905
It's big.
331
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,477
Would you like a tour?
332
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,948
I think that is
an excellent idea!
333
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,783
(walden mumbles)
334
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,017
(laughs)
oh, um,
335
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,386
By the way,
my name's...
Up, bup, bup, bup, bup.
336
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,155
No names.
337
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,724
Today we are just two
338
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:22,026
Wild elk... (exhales)
339
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,896
On the frozen tundra.
340
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,734
Ooh, elk.
I can do that.
341
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:33,204
(high-pitched):
Eee-ohh!
342
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,744
I don't know what's weirder,
343
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,814
That noise or the fact
that it turned me on.
(laughs)
344
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,583
♪ men. ♪
345
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,589
♪ men. ♪
346
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,091
Hey, sorry about that.
347
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,692
Where's my client?
348
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,027
(exhales)
349
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,229
How do I say this, exactly?
350
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,999
I had sex with your client.
351
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,201
What?!
352
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,771
I know. And it's
not the first one.
353
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,941
My therapist prescribed
that I have meaningless sex
354
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,777
To take care
of my codependency issues.
355
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,545
Oh, my god!
356
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,914
I know. I'm sorry.
357
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:18,082
Well, look, look,
obviously, you know,
358
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,052
I can't... Condone
this kind of behavior.
359
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,788
But, you know, if you...
If you think it's...
360
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,224
Helping you, I mean, that's
really the important thing.
361
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:27,959
It is helping.
I feel so free.
362
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,794
Do you know what
it's like to have sex
363
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,130
With a woman who never
wants to see you again?
364
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,299
Yes.
365
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,034
Yes, I do.
366
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,435
I appreciate you understanding,
367
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,371
But I'm sure that this has taken
a toll on your business.
368
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,406
I... Here.
369
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,541
Here's... $200.
370
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,543
Oh, oh, no, you don't
have to do that, walden.
No, no.
371
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,378
Take it.
No, I'm not taking
your money, walden.
372
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,580
I insist.
No, no, no.
373
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,182
(chuckles)
okay, fine.
374
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:55,787
Thank you.
375
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,656
♪ you know, it's hard
out here for a pimp ♪
376
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,659
♪ when he trying to get
this money for the rent ♪
377
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,829
♪ for the cadillacs
and gas money spent ♪
378
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,832
♪ 'cause a whole lot
of ... Jumping ship ♪
379
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,568
♪ you know, it's hard
out here for a pimp ♪
380
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,972
♪ when he trying to get
this money for the rent ♪
381
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,641
♪ for the cadillacs
and gas money spent ♪
382
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,310
♪ 'cause a whole lot
of ... Jumping ship ♪
383
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,914
♪ in my eyes, I done seen some
crazy thangs in the street... ♪
384
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,716
♪ ♪
385
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:27,051
Hey.
386
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:30,321
Think I have
another one for you.
387
00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,326
I don't know, I think I'm over
the whole one-night stand thing.
388
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,961
Come on.
389
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,696
You said you wanted
390
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,099
To get into the casual sex game.
391
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,334
I got you into the game.
392
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,637
Now you're telling me
you're tired?
393
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,840
The game doesn't work like that.
394
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,977
Even if I wanted to,
I'm not sure that I could.
395
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:57,815
My penis looks like one of those
dried-out 7-eleven hot dogs.
396
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:01,052
Look, I'm not gonna
twist your arm or...
397
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,821
Break a finger or anything.
398
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,691
Bottom line, I just want you
to be happy, baby.
399
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:10,128
Okay, what-what is
the matter with you?
400
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,797
Why are you massaging me
and calling me "baby"
401
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,932
And dressed like a gay cheetah?
402
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,169
Don't hate the cheetah.
403
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:20,238
Hate the game.
404
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,708
Okay, you know what?
405
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,576
I'm gonna go talk
to this woman.
406
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,212
Mostly 'cause I don't want
to talk to you anymore.
407
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,014
Attaboy.
Oh, oh, hang on a second.
408
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,649
Um...
409
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,418
Okay, uh...
410
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,955
Okay. Now go have fun.
411
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,529
♪ men. ♪
412
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,665
Oh... My... God.
413
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,735
That was fantastic.
414
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:54,439
Your partner was right--
you're the best.
415
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,574
(chuckles): Partner?
What are you talking about?
416
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,609
The weird little guy downstairs.
417
00:17:58,611 --> 00:17:59,944
(chuckling):
Oh, that...
418
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,779
He's not my partner.
419
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,081
Oh. Gotcha.
420
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,284
Anyway, uh, don't
share this with your...
421
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,952
"not partner."
422
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,720
Wink, wink.
423
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,122
What's this?
424
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,124
Oh, just a little tip.
425
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,560
For the big one you gave me.
426
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,863
Y-you don't have
to give me a tip.
427
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,566
Yeah, right. Like I didn't have
to pay the guy downstairs
428
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,167
For the "walden package."
429
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,805
You... You paid him?
430
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,607
It was worth every penny.
431
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,009
Alan!
432
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:37,615
Oh, by the way,
I think you might be the one.
433
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,552
Walden (calls):
Alan!
434
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,222
I'm your whore?
435
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,556
Your whore?!
436
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,125
Oh. What? No!
437
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,327
I mean, "whore"
is such an ugly word
438
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,062
For such a pretty man.
439
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:52,563
How could you!
440
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,633
You knew I was using
desperate, horny housewives
441
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,236
For meaningless sex
to improve myself,
442
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,172
And you had to go and turn it
into something ugly!
443
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,274
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It just
sort of happened by accident.
444
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,843
It was a one-time thing, and
then you turned into the goose
445
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,945
That laid the golden eggs,
and then into the goose
446
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,114
That laid whatever the hell
I told it to.
447
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,950
This is a new low,
even for you.
448
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:16,521
Oh, big words coming from
someone having sex for money.
449
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,756
Alan...
450
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:20,958
Yeah?
451
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,326
Run.
452
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,133
(thud, grunt)
453
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,869
Alan:
Ow! My pimp hand!
454
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,671
♪ men. ♪
455
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,343
♪ men. ♪
(doorbell rings)
456
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,680
Hello?
457
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,983
Hi. Is this
adjustments by the sea?
458
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:49,020
Yeah. But, uh,
actually, we're closed.
459
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,888
Oh, that's such a shame.
460
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,723
'cause I was really hoping
461
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,193
To see walden.
462
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,562
Oh, I'm walden.
Please come in.
463
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,865
Hey...
464
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,134
Um, just to be clear,
465
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:06,404
The way this works
is that I pay you money
466
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,073
And in return
you have sex with me?
467
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,074
Yes.
468
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,809
(whispers):
By the sea!
469
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,313
All righty, then,
I have heard all I need to hear.
470
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:18,349
(laughs):
Okay. Are you... Ready to start?
471
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,484
Oh, yes.
But first,
472
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,154
You have the right
to remain silent.
473
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:27,258
And you have the right to make
as much noise as you want.
474
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:31,195
Anything you say can and will
be held against you.
475
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,930
I'd like to hold those
against me.
476
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,065
Oh.
477
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,534
(laughing):
Oh, kinky. Okay.
478
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,102
You're being arrested.
479
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:42,039
Yes, I am-- by your
captivating gaze.
480
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,441
Oh, wait, I'm-I'm
really being arrested?
481
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,243
Yeah.
Oh, oh, god, no, no,
482
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,444
We-we can work this out.
483
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:47,945
I-I have money.
484
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,614
Walden, walden, help me.
485
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,182
Walden!
Okay, wait,
486
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:54,118
J-just to be clear,
we're not having sex, right?
487
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:58,256
When are you gonna tell him
that was my acting coach?
488
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,593
Probably after
the cavity search.
489
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:06,964
By the sea!