1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:02,170 All right. 2 00:00:02,180 --> 00:00:05,270 Now we're going to go ahead and write the second discussion point. 3 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,770 I writing the discussion point. 4 00:00:14,510 --> 00:00:15,320 Number two. 5 00:00:18,330 --> 00:00:21,870 And again, we're working on time to writing. 6 00:00:27,330 --> 00:00:30,060 So right now we're going to write discussion point number two. 7 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,510 What food did you eat? 8 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:35,970 All right. 9 00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:42,630 You have 4 minutes to write discussion point number two and you may begin writing now. 10 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:54,600 Okay. 11 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,760 Let's go ahead and look at some examples. 12 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:01,890 We're going to pause for a moment while I pull in some student examples that we can look at and learn 13 00:05:01,890 --> 00:05:02,400 from. 14 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:08,360 Okay. 15 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,000 So let's look at some of these examples. 16 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:14,210 This first one has good information. 17 00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:18,850 You know, it talks about what they ate in the first one. 18 00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:25,630 But the writing is is very simple in terms of the simple sentences. 19 00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:29,950 So that's what really would bring a score down is the simple writing. 20 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:35,050 The second one is the same way we order Braille, which is Morocco's best dish. 21 00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:35,740 It's about chicken. 22 00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,240 Yasser Senegalese dish. 23 00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:40,570 Good sentence, but it's only one sentence. 24 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:46,030 So this is not this is this is this is an example of not being developed enough. 25 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:48,520 Right. 26 00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:52,010 So it might have been better for you to write write about some things that you can describe. 27 00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,140 You might not know what Chicken Yasi is. 28 00:05:55,310 --> 00:06:03,470 Do I have any students from West Africa, anybody from Cote d'Ivoire or Senegal or Gambia? 29 00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:05,150 You wouldn't know what Yasi is. 30 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,330 The next one will make me. 31 00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:10,830 What make me. 32 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,290 There's grammar mistakes here. 33 00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:21,150 Recommend this restaurant is the it's so yeah so like in this first sentence it's a good it's a correct 34 00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:24,240 sentence but there are three grammar mistakes in one sentence. 35 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:32,770 So so really these first two sentences. 36 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,330 Ah, good. 37 00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:37,130 But really it's a waste. 38 00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:38,220 It's a waste really? 39 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:41,370 Because the focus is on what did you eat? 40 00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:42,920 Right. 41 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:47,120 You should be talking mainly about what you weigh, but you use the first $0.02 and you wasted the first 42 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,260 two sentences. 43 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:55,230 The next one gives me a really good one sentence, but it's not enough. 44 00:06:57,210 --> 00:07:01,190 It's all signature menu grammar mistakes in here. 45 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:06,200 Starting my remarkable dinner with salmon salad that was poured out by olive oil, I could taste the 46 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:06,920 original flavor. 47 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:07,150 Yes. 48 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,360 Very descriptive. 49 00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:13,360 Continuing with the main course. 50 00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:15,610 Very well done. 51 00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:16,900 Ah, a good information. 52 00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,840 Yeah, this one is really descriptive. 53 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,870 You know, clean up the grammar mistakes. 54 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:24,610 And it's a good paragraph, actually. 55 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:35,280 Restaurant is famous for the restaurant is famous for its Italian food for the chef. 56 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:40,290 Special dish, grilled chicken, mixed sauce pasta with caramel cold coffee. 57 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,000 That doesn't sound like a good combination of, but. 58 00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:44,520 Okay. 59 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,910 Caramel food is very famous for this restaurant. 60 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:48,840 Yeah. 61 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:55,110 Again, these simple sentences, these last two sentences are simple sentences. 62 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,870 If you want to score more, describe. 63 00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:00,960 Describe the chicken sauce pasta. 64 00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:02,730 Describe the caramel. 65 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,890 That's how you improve your score. 66 00:08:11,970 --> 00:08:17,340 The next one has good information, but there's some some some mistakes in terms of the sentence structure. 67 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,030 That might be just because you were typing in the chat box and had some problems. 68 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,740 You have to be careful in this last one. 69 00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:37,820 The menu is elaborate and leaves one confused about what to order. 70 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:43,100 Your first sentence is a is a poorly written topic sentence. 71 00:08:43,850 --> 00:08:48,710 If I read if I read your first sentence, whoever did this third one, if I read the first sentence, 72 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,130 I'm going to think this paragraph is something to do with the menu. 73 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,830 And the paragraph is not about the menu. 74 00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:57,060 It's about what you ate. 75 00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:06,750 Now, if you combine these two sentences together into a true compound sentence, that it would make 76 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:07,470 sense. 77 00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:19,680 Those last two sentences are five chicken biryani. 78 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,160 Good, good sentences. 79 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,360 Sumptuous and scrumptious. 80 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:24,860 Good. 81 00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:26,040 Good vocabulary. 82 00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:31,340 Very good. 83 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:37,630 Again, I would have made those last two sentences better in terms of the sentence variety, but generally 84 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:38,710 good sentences. 85 00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:42,390 This one is really good. 86 00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:43,470 Very good descriptions. 87 00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:45,090 Everything's about what you ate. 88 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,790 This is a good topic sentence. 89 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:54,070 This this topic sentence has has good coherence together with the location. 90 00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:56,920 The taste of the restaurant is quite appetizing. 91 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,120 To confer more on this. 92 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:02,140 You see, that's that's that's a good topic sentence. 93 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,850 And that's good. 94 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,240 That's that's what you call a seamless coherence. 95 00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:10,600 To confirm more on this. 96 00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:11,140 Right. 97 00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:13,300 That's what you call a seamless coherence. 98 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,140 Another another example of seamless coherence. 99 00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:22,270 He describes it in this sentence or she describes it, I don't know who wrote this. 100 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,870 And then the next sentence, they say they use a reference pronoun. 101 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:28,270 It was very well seasoned. 102 00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:34,660 This paragraph, this second one is an excellent example of seamless cohesion. 103 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:40,520 All right. 104 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,870 The next one is all about what? 105 00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:42,230 The eight. 106 00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:43,190 Good job. 107 00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,590 And also the next one is what they ate. 108 00:10:48,610 --> 00:10:50,260 Really good job on that also. 109 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,610 So the important thing is you want to write in a way. 110 00:10:55,660 --> 00:11:05,470 You want to write in a way that allows for you write that allows for you to be able to stay within the 111 00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:08,290 discussion point of what you are writing. 112 00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:10,080 Right. 113 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:14,910 So in your and what you wrote, I didn't get a chance to of course I got 68 people. 114 00:11:14,910 --> 00:11:16,080 I can't look at everything. 115 00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:19,470 But you should be if you're writing is similar to what? 116 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,980 To the to what I was talking about, then you're doing a good job. 117 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:28,230 If your whole paragraph is about what you ate, then you're doing a really good job. 118 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:31,110 And of course, the more descriptive you are, the better you're going. 119 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:31,650 You're going. 120 00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,730 You're going to score. 121 00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:36,330 Somebody is asking me what I will. 122 00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,040 I upload the recording and Udemy. 123 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:38,480 Yeah. 124 00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:39,290 Most likely. 125 00:11:39,290 --> 00:11:44,390 If the if the recording if the recording meets the proper sound quality, then I will upload it. 126 00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:45,050 Yes. 127 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:51,380 All right. 128 00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:55,100 Here is an example of my paragraph. 129 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:05,230 After noting the location, I reference our superb meal where we started with the Moroccan route, which 130 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:12,250 encompasses small pastries with lamb, beef or cheese, and tasted deliciously spicy. 131 00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:14,590 Following our appetizer. 132 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,510 Again, that's building coherence. 133 00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:22,630 We order the Senegalese chicken, Yasir, which involves chicken marinated in an onion lamb and vinegar 134 00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:28,900 mixture, eventually reduced into a delectable sauce that that amazingly overwhelmed our senses. 135 00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:35,980 If I close my eyes, I could taste this meal which we washed down with bicep, a sweet purple hibiscus 136 00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,840 based juice from Cote d'Ivoire. 137 00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:39,540 Right. 138 00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:45,970 So what I'm showing you in terms of the language you see in Orange is really how I'm using a lot of 139 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:51,250 relative clauses, adjective clauses, to really add to description. 140 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:53,260 Right. 141 00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:58,460 And again, I'm talking about the past tense, a past experience. 142 00:12:58,790 --> 00:13:05,150 So when you look at all my verbs, started, tasted, ordered, overwhelmed, washed. 143 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:09,050 When you look at my verbs, they all are in the past tense. 144 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,360 They all are in the past tense. 145 00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:20,250 That's how you really are able to really achieve really high scores in terms of their measuring their 146 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:22,260 measuring your writing ability.